I understand that my body is changing. I did not ask for it to change, it is happening anyways. My testosterone levels have been dropping for about ten years now (I'll be 57 in 2 months) and that is normal. But since my wife died 7 years ago I have not slept well. I usually get 3-5 hrs of sleep, in the past few months it's more like 3-6 hrs. Rarely do I sleep more than 6 hrs. I recently investigated the causes of low testosterone in men and found that age 40+ the levels decrease, this is natural. I also discovered that over 90% of testosterone is produced while you sleep (7-9 hrs for maximum production). I confirmed this on 3 different medical sites, including the Mayo Clinic and WebMD. Since I cannot sleep enough to produce enough T. to maintain my male body, the estrogen has become dominant and thus I am changing. I cannot afford to take male-HRT the rest of my life, and foods I would need to eat are not nutritious enough by themselves. (some of them do have nutritional value) For me to have the well balanced diet I need,I find that most of the foods I must eat are high in estrogen. Some have androgens as well. But the course I must follow in life is the one that allows me to be healthy without having to pay extra. Thus my body will continue to change as will my brain - I already process information as half of the women do (I scored 50% female), and I find myself adapting. I will definitely see a gender identity councilor next year to help me make a final decision and to guide me through the changes and legal system if that is what I choose. The main thing is - I will continue to be me, and since I am constantly changing as I learn and grow as a person, I must change the expression of who I am without changing who I am even as I change. I know that sounds like circular reasoning, but it's the best I can describe it.
Hugs to all <3
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Interesting
Hi, Mark,
First, I'm going to commiserate with you, and then I'm going to offer some advice.
I'm in a similar position. I've had damaged testes since birth. For a while they worked mostly okay, but in my 20's I found out I was sterile and in my 40's that my levels were pretty darned low. Later on, I found out I had osteopoenia, which is the stage just before osteoporosis. I read up on some of the benefits of replacing missing T, and started on the therapy. I have pretty good health insurance, so other than co-pays, I don't pay much. I'm a crossdresser, and I value my ability to at least look a little ambiguous, so I didn't want to bulk up or get hairier or anything. I also have breasts. Not very large, but they've been following me around since I was about 14, and since I found the courage to go out in public "dressed" (and also looking at all the middle aged men in my weight class and over), I've become a lot less self-conscious about them. I accept my androgyny. So, to get to the point, I didn't want to raise my T levels too much, just enough to stop wasting bone and maybe to stabilize my excessive nervousness (which can be another symptom of deficiency). My goal was to get just enough replaced to keep me healthy, but not enough to change anything.
I've tried a few different brands of gel and a patch. After a few years, some complaints to and discussions with the drug companies, I can tell you there's a big variation between different people's skin and how a particular product might work with it. The amount of hormone that got into my blood varied a lot. Some batches of one particular brand didn't work on me at all. Other brands worked fine and I divided the dose in half, which makes it last twice as long. The one I'm on now seems to absorb way more than the others, and I might have to cut it again. My skin didn't get along with the patch version at all, by the way. The dosage worked fine, it just wrecked my skin, and hurt.
Anyway, with the current brand, I'm hitting higher hormone saturation levels than I ever have before (and that's on the half dose -- apparently my skin just loves the stuff and soaks it right up). As a result, after a few months on this new stuff, my estrogen levels are also higher than they ever have been before, and I'm pretty sure my breasts are a teensy bit larger and my nipples are starting to feminize a little. Estrogen is a metabolic byproduct of testosterone catabolism. The more T you have, the higher your E level can get.
The short version of this is, no matter what your hormone situation, if you start therapy, your results will vary based on a whole bunch of things.
Now, some non-professional advice. Lose weight. Estrogen and fat are metabolic best friends. Second, get more sleep. It doesn't have to be all in a row. In fact, sleeping two four hour segments is probably just as good for you, or maybe better, than sleeping eight in a row. More sleep is known to lessen overeating, and not just because you're asleep at the time and can't work the refrigerator. Get a bone scan. The Dexa scan takes about 5 minutes and the lab will send your doctor a nice 4-page color report showing the density of your more important bones and how this stacks up against other people in your age group. If the scan shows you're deficient, that's a pretty good medical justification for T-replacement. Sign up at the ACA ("Obamacare") health insurance exchange of your state if you don't have insurance already. Pre-existing conditions are now covered, on all insurance, even the stuff you get from your employer. Watch out for Fossamax and other bone density drugs. They can steal calcium from your jaw to move to your hips, and they may not improve overall density. Better you should rebuild bone the natural way. Normal hormone levels, lots of vitamin D, and calcium-rich foods. Or Tums. And weight-bearing exercise, like just walking, at the minimum. (There are better, specific exercises, but if you're like me, you'll never do them.)
My bone density improved remarkably over a two year period, my anxiety situation improved, and the body hair situation is only a little worse. And I still only have 12 1/2" biceps.
Thank you for the input. I'm
Thank you for the input. I'm working on losing the weight and believe I will reach my short term goal of 200 lbs. by the end of the year (only 26 more lbs to lose). It is encouraging to know that others have been in or are in my same situation, even though the reasons why vary. It does help and I will look into the coverage again. My doctor will not begin to look at the hormone issue until two other medical conditions, which are more severe, are taken care of. She says the treatment of the hormones could interfere with the other medications I'm currently taking. My councilor has helped, but has agreed that next year I should probably see a gender identity specialist to deal with my changing hormone levels and the way my brain (and thinking) seems to be affected.