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I have a powerful need for contact with other human beings, and in spite of my own personal fear of rejetion, that need drags me out of my apartment and into the public. Inadvertently, I have spent thousands of hours working with a group called,"The City Repair Project", and have made dozens of friends. Oh, I am 61 and they are all in the 18 to 30 Age group, so my social contacts with them are less than what I would like but we have worked on several projects together. The good part of this is that they have seen a transwoman who is socially together enough to be a viable positive force in their organization
It is something that they needed to see, and I like to hope that little actions in many different places by transwomen will ease the way for all of us.
I've been attending an ELCA Lutheran church for a while and eventually confided my little secret to the woman that has the GBLT out reach program in that church. She has a very nice son who is Gay. I don't consider myself an activist but it just felt safe with her. Imagine my surprise to find that she was unaware of my status. She has never seen a Transwoman. It is a chance for both of us to learn.
It is my fervent hope that this woman who is in charge of the GBLT outreach, will use this encounter with a real live Transwoman, will not eventually see it as an encounter wit a freak.
I have seen a pattern so certain in the transgender life that I suspect that it is part of a social "Law of Physics". First comes disclosure, then surprise, then deep thought, then distancing and finally complete absence in the other's life. I, and I imagine many others have been victim to this many times, and each time it has, I vow, often through tears, never to be so stupid again !
My only hope is that by doing these things as the spirit guides me, that some day, in the next few years, or a dozen generations from now, it will be easier for others. It is probably the same thing that many other transwomen have been doing for a long time, so there is nothing special about me. Getting out there, is something that those of us who can should keep doing.
I am just so sorry that there are times when I just collapse with the pain of all the rejection we all face everyday.
Comments
I have faith in thee
As thy will is stronger than thy fear.
Thou hast protested oftentimes of thy weakness, yet I am forever reminded of thy strength and fortitude, to get up and face life's slings and arrows again and again.
Though thou dost profess otherwise, I feel that thy spirit is great and thou wilt prevail to gain strength, knowing at least that thy friends here are behind thee and with thee in thine endeavours.
May thy God be always with thee.
NB
Dost thou think I protest too much?
Gwen Brown
I think it's part of self acceptance
The more I become comfortable with accepting myself the more I try and contribute to the community.I co-moderate for a Ts yahoo group spend time on answers and spend time here.I gain as much or more than I give.I have also done the self exile thing but that was before coming out more about who I am.The funny thing I found out is you just have to lay it out there but be firm.If your wishy washy about it nobody will take you seriously.Amy
Me first
In my long endeavor to get people to accept me as who I represent I often felt afraid to mingle in public. I just knew that every one woud be staring at me.
I like being out and about.
I learned that in order for me to be accepted, the most important person to me in the entire universe had to accept ME FIRST. The Bible tells us we have to love ourselves first before we can love others. WS wrote "To thine own self be true"
In NAMI "There are no wrong answers"
One day 19 monts ago I stepped out my front door, so full of myself that I did not worry about who saw what, who thought what, I was proud to be me. I had finally learned to accept me and like who I am.
Now when I have problems going out that door it is because of my depression. I am to my neighbors and people I meet daily Jill Micayla A. I belong to a combat veterans group, I go to a military reunion where they know me as Jill Micayla.
My own self assurance, self acceptance paid off for me. "I am woman hear me roar."
Jill Micayla
May you have a wonderful today and a better tomorrow
Jill Micayla
Be kinder than necessary,Because everyone you meet
Is fighting some kind of battle.
What to say?
I am a member of a GLBT friendly conservative synagogue and am accepted as the woman I am.
Also, to all of you:
Accept yourself as you are, even with all your faults. G_d does.
Try to make yourself a better person every day. G_d wants you to.
Love yourself. G_d loves you.
Be loving to others. G_d loves them, too.
hugs & love
shalimar