I wish that being trans was my biggest problem. I'd be darn new home free now. Instead I get to try and deal with both PTSD and a boatload of mental problems as well. For example, my friend Jaci and I were talking and I mentioned that I hadn't shaved in days, giving me a pretty scruffy face. She asked me why I hadnt shaved, and I told her it was for the same reason I struggle with the idea of losing 40-50 lbs. In both cases, its to protect me from the notice of men.
Its sad that I am better prepared to handle snarky comments about my weight or hygiene than I am having a guy ask me for my phone number ...
ah, well.
Comments
Women don't look tidy
to attract men, they do it as a response to other women. It's the way they act which attracts men, assuming they wish to attract them.
Angharad
Agree
I am tidy and am not too hard on the eyes per se but I make sure to send all the right messages, clothes-choice wise, body language and word choice that I am not on the hunt. It is a bit harder to do on some occasions where one is trying to look nice and should look nice but women are raised to deflect unwanted advances from men, hopefully with good grace. The latter is the difficult part of this process as you don't want to make them feel bad and not come on as being snobbish or 'cold', whatever that means. Me, I just offer a straight forward no and say I already have a relationship (which I do) and that is that.
Sometimes you do have to take a firm, newspaper on the nose approach, harder to do since people don't buy newspapers as much these days at least in the US. The latter is needed if they are inebriated though.
Kim
Backgrounds similar???
From what I can tell, our backgrounds are similar ...
The only thing that keeps me alive is to bury myself in serving others. It keeps my mind off my own troubles because, believe me sister, there is much more trouble in the world than you and I experience. Not only does thinking of others help them, but it pulls our focus off ourselves and brings our own problems into focus with the rest of the world.
I am not sure what day or what time it is right now because I stopped the last of my drugs a few days ago and am going through withdrawal. I am not bi polar or schzioid, so this should pass, right? Someone tell me it will ?
We can choose to be hysterical and self focused or we can choose the right. It really is up to us.
When I look into the mirror, I see an old man. When others look at me they see a friendly, happy, caring, compassionate, loving person. No one says I am anything but female and if they see something else, they never say it, and that really confuses me. I am not taking any drugs any more and my world feels like jello that someone stepped on.
I am not dangerous, but I am sick to my stomach and not sure if I will throw up or nt. Have i ever mentioned how much I hate to throw up. After I sobber up from all this, I plan to spend the rest of my life just trying to be good, help others, be pleasing to my God, imaginary or not.
I think the ye to life is to think of others at all times and not think of the times that he tried to kill me. That is in the past and the past should die with all the other past and be the past and forgotten. You can choose to be hysterical and self focused or to be the best, most loving, most tender, most caring, most helpful, most healing person you can be. Your choice.
Sounds just a bit familar.
I don't think it's that uncommon a way to hide in plain sight, be deliberately scruffy that is. I use to shave like once a week or so with a hair trimmer, so that even after I shaved I was still scruffy. (That is not a suggestion.)
Besides everything else extra weight isn't the best choice as a way to hide, it is not good for your health. Loose it, you'll feel better if you loose it, dragging that extra 50 lbs around with you is dragging you down more then you know. I know, because I was way to heavy. I have lost a bit over 100 lbs over the last "not quite 2 years". I hope to knock off the last excess 15 or so before the year is out. I feel way better.
And I found something else out along the way the compliments don't actually hurt, in fact I think I just might learn to like them.
not shaving
I have been hosting a couple living in my house for 3 monthes now. I often get depressed and don't shave for as much as 4 days at a time... recently we were talking about passports and I stupidly asked if they'd seen the new birth certificats?
When they said no I pulled my reprinted one out and showed it to them. The woman came to me after and asked to see it again... "Sex Male?" she said? For 3 months they assumed menepause had been cruel to me and caused me to grow facial hair. I just said "Once upon a time" and we left it at that.
Anyways... facial hair isn't unique to men. *le sigh*
Dayna.
Menopause...
I'm still far too young for the menopause excuse. But there's other reasons why women might develop hirsutism.
Unfortunately I'm really far too hairy to excuse it as simply a hirsutism for a female problem. It's hirsutism for a male!
I've seen LOTS of bodies, naked, mostly naked, and clothed, and literally NO ONE is as hairy as me when I fail to shave. And I mean my whole body, not just face. Though my face resembles being a monkey too when it comes to the amount of hair.
I've been getting laser from bottom of my neck to just below my chin... But I have no idea how I'm going to afford more.
Abigail Drew.