Starting College my way. A story of fiction by Symphony Simms.

Starting College my way. Chapter 12.

Changing all those changes. Friday morning September 13th

An alarm clock was buzzing somewhere. It wasn’t too long before I realized that I was in Rebecca’s bed and a giant smile spread itself across my face. I sat up in bed with the anticipation of seeing Rebecca lying in bed next to me, she was not there but she did the next best thing my walking into the bedroom to me with a coffee in her hand.

She was wearing jeans and a low cut tank top and looking really beautiful. She placed the coffee on the table and before she said anything she sat on the bed and kissed me. She kept her mouth closed because I had not cleaned my teeth, but then she hugged me. She felt magical in my arms and smelled amazing.

I powerful erection rose between my legs and I began to think of the wonderful things we did last night, but Rebecca’s thoughts were somewhere else and she ordered me to clean my teeth, put some warm clothes on and come into the kitchen.

I did what I was told and headed into the kitchen to find Rebecca cooking ham and scrambled eggs. She had put on a sweater because the back door was open and sunlight was streaming in inviting me to go outside.

I walked outside to find myself on a pleasant deck overlooking next door’s flower garden. The deck was almost totally secluded apart from a bathroom window in the house next door. There were trees obscuring the view of any other house. The warmth of the sun was magnificent but I needed sunglasses. It was a magical little nook hidden away from everyone.

Rebecca set me up with a coffee, had me put an umbrella up for shade then sat me down at the table where she brought out ham and eggs on a breakfast tray.

“So what do you think?” she asked.

“I am in heaven!” I said tucking into my breakfast. “I am floating on a cloud and I can’t stop myself from smiling.”

“So am I not going to get an honest evaluation from you?”

“How could I evaluate you?” I asked. “You are the only woman I have ever done those things to. You are just so amazing it makes my stomach ache to think about it.”

“But you knew exactly what to do. I could have sworn that you had been doing this for years.”

“No honestly I have never touched a woman like that in my life. The only way I had any idea of what to do was from reading magazines about how the body works and how to bring a woman to orgasm articles.”

“So I guess you enjoyed it?” I asked.

“Yes, to be honest I am very happy today,” said Rebecca. “When you told me that you were a boy I was disappointed because I really wanted to taste the woman in you. I couldn’t do that, but I still made love to you. To make love to I wanted. You made me shiver down to my roots and I can still feel the tingle.”

“Oh now I feel a little smug,” I said.

“Why Leslie,” she asked.

“Because you are so beautiful and I feel so ordinary. I made the most beautiful woman I have ever met, tingle.”

“I need you to stop that Leslie.”

“What,” I said.

“Complements are nice but you go too far. You are Leslie Haigt. You are very beautiful yourself or I wouldn’t let you near me. You sing beautifully and you have an amazing presence around you. OK when I walk into a room I know that people turn around and say ‘there is a beautiful woman.’ I know that happens and it makes me feel good.”

“But when you walk in the room people say there goes Leslie Haigt. She is beautiful and talented and confident. They want to talk to you and hear you sing. They just want to look at me maybe take me to bed.”

I was astonished and lost for words.

“Anyway I am sure you are just passing through here on your way to bigger and better things while I will go back to New York and pick up where I left off.”

“Where did this come from?” I asked. “Last night was wonderful and now you start talking about what happen when it’s over.”

“I always want to be your friend Leslie for sure, and what we had last night was wonderful but you must realize our differences are too great.”

“What do you mean differences?”

“Leslie I am a dyke and you have a dick. It’s just not going to work out.”

All of the wind had suddenly got sucked from my sails. No longer hungry I put my knife and fork down and sat back in the chair. I fought for a way back but she seemed to have made things very clear already.

“I thought you said last night that you wouldn’t mind doing this again. What happened?”

“I thought about it some more obviously after I woke this morning and please don’t get me wrong. I will always love you and be grateful for this moment but I didn’t sign up to have a dick put in my mouth.”

I couldn’t believe it. It felt like I had been given the greatest gift in the world, just to have it taken back again. A lump developed in my throat.

“Will I never get to kiss you again?” I said struggling to get the words out through the oncoming tears.

She quickly got up and came over to me, kissed me on the forehead and hugged my head to her chest. I cried in her arms.

“Yes you can kiss me Leslie, but in future we will be friends but not lovers. You are going to find lots of beautiful people in your life who will love you, but I am the wrong person to have relationship with.”

I couldn’t move and I had no intention to let go of her. This just didn’t seem right. How could this be over so soon? I couldn’t stop crying.

“Leslie you are going to have to pull yourself together and get on with your day,” said Rebecca. “You have to go back to your apartment and get ready for college and you have less than an hour.”

“How am I going to go to college when I feel like this?”

“You can do it Leslie. It can’t be that hard to get over me. We have only known each other for 5 days and we only had the one time together which was last night.”

She was right. I wasn’t acting like an adult at this time. I was more like a child who had his toy taken away. I had to snap out of it.

“I’m sorry Rebecca.” I said trying to regain some composure. “You know that I have never had a girlfriend before and this is the first time I have lost one.”

“You must have had an idea that it wouldn’t work out Leslie.”

“Of course Rebecca, but last night was so beautiful I kind of forgot. Does that sound childish?” I asked.

“You are not a child Leslie and you are not acting childish now. I understand that you are very upset about me ending this already but if you were acting childish then surely you would be angry at me for hurting you.”

“I couldn’t be angry with you Rebecca because you gave me something wonderful. You were the one who was obvious with your intentions and I was the one hiding something. I am just really sorry we couldn’t work it out.”

“I think you are recovered enough to go back to your apartment now Leslie. We both only have only an hour to get to class. I still want to be your friend as I said before. I want you to call me later to tell me that you are OK. OK?”

“OK I will call you later before I head home for the weekend.”

“Why are you going home for the weekend Leslie, you only just got here?”

“My parents don’t know I am attending college as a girl. Remember I said last night that I have only been a girl for a week.”

“Obviously I am not the only one you have been hiding things from.”

“It’s not that I wanted to hide anything from you Rebecca, but our relationship has been so short that I told you the first time I could.”

“I suppose you a right, but it still didn’t feel right. I thought I was chasing a girl.”

“I know that I need to tell anyone I have a relationship with about who or what I really am. When we met, Rebecca, I still hadn’t sorted that out and I don’t think I have yet. I need to do that over the weekend with my parents.”

“That should be an interesting conversation,” she said. “You will have to tell me about it when you get back.”

We shared a hug or two before I collected my guitar and headed down the road to the apartment. I didn’t feel in the best condition and I could feel where the tears had dried on my face but I didn’t have time to worry about it.

When I got into the apartment the girls were cleaning up from breakfast and getting ready to go out.

“So what happened to you,” asked Carla. “We noticed you were missing. Has your relationship with Rebecca moved to the next level?”

“Rebecca and I won’t be moving to any other levels Carla. Rebecca wants a real woman and that is not exactly what I am.”

“Sorry Leslie,” Carla said as she reached for my hand. I thanked her and gave her a short hug.

“I will have to explain it some other time but right now I have to get to college.”

As I was going to my room MJ met me at my door and hugged me.

“If you want to talk later I am free this afternoon Leslie,” she said, then she kissed me on the cheek and I returned the kiss. She smiled at me in an understanding way then let me go. I held her cheek in my hand for a moment.

“Thanks for being understanding,” I said. She smiled at me and then went back to her room.

Now I felt like a sleaze ball. MJ may not have known what went on at Rebecca’s but I am sure she had an idea. She was the one who said we won’t tell anyone and pretend it didn’t happen but what I was doing didn’t seem exactly right by her.

I made up my mind to consider MJ in my dealings with other people in future. It was obvious to me that I had been rather self-centered by allowing people to take advantage of me, or was it me taking advantage of them, I am not sure.

Now I had to get dressed in beautiful women’s clothes again and I was in no mood to enjoy it, again. I didn’t have any clean summer dresses and I wore my jeans yesterday so I picked out a woolen business dress with tights and my 3” gladiator sandals. Not the most modern or sexiest clothing to choose but it was functional, comfortable and very feminine. I am glad Fiona picked it for me. It did feel sexy once I was wearing it, especially with nude tights.

I managed to get ready and get to class on time. I sat with Connie and Caroline as usual and Vic came over to congratulate me on a good show and ask if he could join us for break before he went to sit with Lawrence. I agreed of course.

At break once we got our coffee etc. Connie, Caroline and I sat with Vic, Lawrence, Dave and Jesus who as it turns out had all come to the show last night. Vic was very complementary about the music and everyone agreed that my sister Fiona was wonderful and the highlight of the night was Fiona singing ‘Little black submarines’ and dedicating it to me.

“And Fiona let us walk her to her car,” said Vic.

“It’s only 50 yards,” I said, “But thanks for looking after her.”

“Thank Lawrence,” said Vic. “I left the two of them talking as they seemed to be getting along really well.”

“So what were you talking about Lawrence?” I asked.

“About you and your family,” said Lawrence. “Don’t worry I didn’t kiss her or anything.”

“She is a big girl Lawrence. I am sure she has been kissed before and you don’t need my permission,” I said trying to cover up the fact that my sister knows about me and Lawrence didn’t. I wish I knew what they had said or to be more precise what Fiona had told Lawrence about me.

“Fiona said she would come down and join us at the beach on Saturday night,” said Lawrence.

“What,” I said. Lawrence had caught be by surprise. “I had assumed Fiona was coming home at the weekend with me.”

“Fiona said that it was your gig on the weekend, not hers. She wants to enjoy the last couple of hot weekends on the beach and she promised to bring her guitar,” said Lawrence.

That was a minor shock. It was almost like my sister would be replacing me at the beach with my friends while I face the music at home with my parents.

“So how long were you out there for?” I asked.

“About half an hour,” he said. “I like spending time with beautiful girls like you and your sister. Is that OK?”

“I guess so,” I said.

“She is going to pick me up here and give me a ride to the beach, although she did say she would probably bring a friend from her college.”

“I am jealous,” I said. “Sounds like you are going to have fun without me.”

As time for the next class was approaching we all got up and headed off for class, but as we left the table Lawrence hung back and then grabbed my arm. I turned to him a little agitated.

“It’s OK,” he said. “I understand.”

Now that concerned me. “Understand what?” I said.

“Fiona told me. I understand and I am not angry,” said Lawrence.

I thought about that for a second and looked at him with what must have been a bemused look. I had no idea what to say to him. I pulled my hand away and walked off. I was absolutely sure I was not going to ask him what Fiona had told him. This was getting a little out of control.

I got into class and did my best to pay attention but mind was elsewhere. I wanted to ask Fiona what she had said. Does he know I am a boy? There was no one here that I could talk to about it I would have to wait to call Fiona after class.

I told the others I needed to do something at lunch time and just walked out into the parking lot and sat under a shady tree and called Fiona. She didn’t answer so I texted her.

‘What did you say to him,’ I asked.

‘I told him your gender was confused when you were younger.’

“Why did you have to say anything? He didn’t need to know.’

‘He guessed there was something. He asked me why you might be wearing boys’ clothes and he was asking if your driver’s license said you were a boy.’

‘This could get all over the college.’

‘He said he wouldn’t say anything to anyone. He said he still likes you.’

‘He doesn’t know me at all. You told him that my gender was confused but that is a lie. I am a boy wearing a dress.”

‘I didn’t know what to tell him but I had to tell him something. I did the best I could at the time. I couldn’t ask you. I was waiting there with him hoping that you would come along and get me out of the situation.’

‘I was with Rebecca.’

‘I didn’t know that. I was waiting for you. He was nice and friendly to me but he was only interested in you. After half an hour I just had to leave.’

‘I am sorry Fiona. I thought you knew I was going up to Rebecca’s room.”

‘No, Sorry TTYL.’

Brilliant! Now I am gender confused. I guess there was some room for me to shape an answer from that condition but it was not what I wanted.

I was not exactly hungry but my stomach was not in 100% agreement with me. I needed food. I walked into the cafeteria hoping to avoid the normal crowd by going in the other end. I just grabbed a Caesar wrap and a coke and tried to sit down looking away from the door but before I could sit down Anders and Hazel waved for me to go over. I went to sit with them. At least it wasn’t Lawrence.

“So have you thought any more about the play Leslie?” asked Anders. Hazel was obviously very interested too.

“I can’t say I have put a lot of thought into it but I haven’t thought of a reason why I shouldn’t do it yet, apart from the amount of time I need to dedicate.”

“You will love it,” said Hazel reaching over the table to grab the back of my hand. “We can learn the parts together. I live only a minute’s walk from your apartment and learning things with someone is always more fun.”

Her smooth flawless skin with just a hint of make-up together with her striking features made her extremely attractive. This is not what I needed right now but I could quickly find myself in trouble with Hazel.

“Yes I understand,” I said, “But I can’t commit this moment. I have to go home to my parents this weekend but I promise I will give you an answer.”

At that moment Anders said he had to be somewhere and left me with Hazel.

“How is Rebecca?” she asked. No the most direct question but it was going to get me talking about Rebecca.

“She is fine,” I said, not wanting to give anything away.

“Are you two in a relationship?” she asked. That was much more direct and caught me a little off guard. I thought it best to answer with only the latest information that I have.

“Rebecca and I are good friends, but we don’t have any other type of relationship.”

“You seemed rather close last night Leslie.” She said.

I considered from that question that she may be wanting to make a pass at me. She was very attractive but I thought I should discourage her from any attempt at starting a relationship. I started talking quietly to her so no one else could hear.

“Hazel, as you know Rebecca is a lesbian and that makes us incompatible as lovers. I am interested in being her friend and I hope that is not a problem?”

Then I realized after I had said it that may not have been the smartest way to put it. But anyway, it was out there now.
“That is kind of blunt, but I don’t see why it should be a problem. As we are being blunt Leslie, I must have been mistaken in the times we have met because I was sure you found me attractive.”

“Yes it is obvious that you are a very attractive woman. I did notice that,” I said.

“But that is not exactly what I meant Leslie and I think you know it. Are you attracted to me or not?”

I couldn’t think of a reason to lie. I am pretty sure that Hazel can’t be homophobic.

“Yes I am attracted to you,” I said. “Is that a problem?”

“Well now I am totally confused,” said Hazel. “How the hell can attracted to me but you say you are not a lesbian.”

“Can we take this conversation somewhere else?” I asked. “I am not comfortable talking in these surroundings.”

She looked around the room then pointed to the garden outside. “Over there!” she said. We got up and went outside and found a bench under a tree for some shade and sat down. There was obviously no one in ear shot. We sat looking at each other but not touching.

“Leslie, you have got to explain this to me. How can you be attracted to me if you are not a lesbian?”

“OK let me put it this way. If you found a guy that was attracted to you and that guy said to you that he was not a lesbian.” She stopped me and put her hand across my mouth.

“You can’t be!” said Hazel. Then she took her hand down.

“Why not?” I asked. “Look I am going out on a limb here by telling you this and I hope it stays between you and me. There are very few people around here who know about me and I would like to keep it that way.”

“Why do you think you can tell me?” she asked.

“I am sure you understand homophobia and the reasons why this has to stay between us. I have also learned that I need to tell people what I am before I can develop a relationship with them.”

“So you think you are going to develop a relationship with me?” she asked.

“I think that is a nice idea but I don’t know,” I said, “but if we do this Romeo and Juliet thing I will probably have to kiss you, and I believe that most people would like to know if the person they are kissing is male or female.”

“That’s a good thing to do I guess.” She said, and then she held my hand and smiled at me. “I am not going to tell anyone. You can trust me.”

I thanked her and explained that I had no time to talk as I was going to class and then I needed to head home to see my parents. She said she would come to the show on Sunday but I explained that I would like to see her there but I would not have any time to speak on a show evening, but I might have a little time after the show. We exchanged numbers and I said I would try to call over the weekend.

After class most of my new friends headed for the cafeteria but I had no time for that so I went back to the apartment on my own. I decided that I could not face going home and walking in to see Mom and Dad in a dress, so I packed some girl’s and boy’s clothes in a suitcase including my dirty laundry, showered and changed into some boring old boys clothes and headed home in my little Honda, with my guitar.

I couldn’t believe how things could change in just a short time. This time yesterday I was dreaming about spending time alone with Rebecca, now she doesn’t want me, but it seems I may already have found another beautiful woman who does.
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Please check out the song.!!!

Changing all those changes. Madeleine Peyroux

http://vimeo.com/55530341