T he Platinum Chef: A Tale of Delacroix

Ch. 1

Some people learn the hard way. They either live their lives in such reckless pursuit of pleasure, that they never take responsibility for themselves. Yet others deny most of the pleasures that come with being human. Few get to see the other way without their thinking ruined by the path they’ve chosen. Sometimes a middle road opens up. Sometimes, things are so get far out of control that the only way to survive is to ride the wave.

His name was Robb Pointe. Well, actually Robert, then Rob. Then, after he got with Melanie, it was Robb. She said it sounded cooler. His sister disagreed. His mother downright hated it. But he’d had a rebellious streak instilled deep in him since his father; Jeff had died of a particularly aggressive cancer just shy of Robb’s 11th birthday. His mother became distant, backing away from the world she knew, it was some time before she could live again. Robb had retreated into his room, into a world of Wizards, heroes, and online communication. It seemed his mother didn’t have much to say, unless she was prodding him or yelling. Their relationship deteriorating, the worlds they moved in occupying different galaxies, let alone different orbits. His dad had been his best, and only male friend. The rug that tied the room together.

Robb was one of those guys in high school. Due to his unusual personality, he was definitely a victim of Wallflower Syndrome. He was not at the absolute bottom of the totem pole, definitely not popular. Certainly in the lower third. That fear of rejection always naggling at him, preventing any kind of social action. He was an unabashed geek, his young mind filled with movies, science, comics, his short study of martial arts. He wasn’t great at anything. Well, his stories always got ‘A’s. Book reports and research papers, no problem

As he months went by, he spent more time with her. His grades began to drop. And drop. He’d stayed with Mel, despite all her warnings. Sylvia hated the way she led him by the nose. Everything she said or did was gold, Robb wouldn’t even allow them to question what they were doing. The end came when finally he’d dropped out of high school, with one semester to go (her idea). Then he started wearing more black, He had shaved his head, and after a couple of false starts, grew a goatee (all her idea). Then came the drugs. He felt funny about doing them at first. It started lightly with pot and coke, graduated to pills and ecstasy. He became more comfortable with repeated doses. The new things in his life completely crowding out the old. The thoughts he had of writing and going to college drifting away in the clouds of smoke, replaced by Melanie’s embrace. Knowing that he wasn’t was alone the greatest balm in all of Gilead.

He’d moved into her small apartment, did odd jobs at first. He thought that there was a way he could get a job, start writing that book, give them both a shot at a normal life. Getting high started to occupy more and more of his time, to the exclusion of anything else. After a couple of years of dead end jobs he couldn’t hold. Melanie took charge. Do a couple smash and grabs a month, everything’s covered. He didn’t mind that he was doing wrong. They weren’t carrying guns, they weren’t going to hurt anyone. Everything would be just fine…

…as long as he had Mel.

…three years later

Blood.

It was running down his side. Making the denim feel slick to the touch.

“Robb.” Melanie gasped as she helped him in to the bathtub, dripping blood in a wavering line of splotches on the grubby, ash-stained carpet.

It should have been simple. Get in, hit the register, grab the cash, and run. Stupid old guy had a pistol under the till. He never heard it. The bullet punched through both sides of his abdomen. No vitals hit, but the bleeding wouldn’t stop. All the clothes from the back of the stolen car couldn’t mop it up as fast as it was flowing out.

They ditched the car, he was moving the two blocks to their place on autopilot. One foot in front of the other, so much blood. He knew from reading that the cold was shock and blood loss. Shapes came into focus, like a Rorschach test.

…a jagged ankh

Melanie. By all accounts, she had gotten him out of his rut. He stopped moping around his room. She seemed annoyed by Kim, who wanted nothing more than to be her best friend’s friend. They had met while waiting at the bus stop. All he knew about her was that she was new and had a very edgy look. All curves and revealing clothes, with multiple piercings and tattoos; He lost count of the colors in her hair. He remembered hearing in a movie once that ‘you only need to be bold for twenty seconds. Fuck it, what’s the worst that could happen?

:20 “Hi, I’m Robert. I just wanted to say hi and welcome to Delacroix

She’s gonna tell me to get lost.

:17 She smiled. “You’re the first person to talk to me, I’ve been here for three months, and everyone has avoided me.”

:11 “Hey, like your earrings.” He pointed to the two ankhs nestled in her ears.

Okay: Threat detected: Missile inbound

:09 “Oh, She said.” Touching her ear. “Etsy. Some of that handmade stuff is really… Oh I’m so fuckin’ scattered.”

:03 “I’m Melanie.” She offered her hand.

:01 “You wanna go get a coffee after school.”

Alright, this is where it all falls apart.

“Sure, but. I don’t go to school. I..I.. dropped out.” She brightened as she looked at him. “We could still go. Wanna play hooky?” Melanie said behind a grin both beautiful and sinister.

“Sure.” Robert said nervously, instantly. He’d never done that before. As long as he didn’t make a habit of it, Besides, a girl like this was unlikely to say ‘yes’ again. They had a good time. He let her do most of the talking. Mostly about her being emancipated, and how hard it was to keep herself together. He was half listening. Top of the world, Ma!

His vision swam again, purple shadows pulsating.

…Buckaroo Banzai’s jet car

He remembered his dad. He called him his ‘pal’, they went everywhere together. At first he was Jeff’s favorite toy, and as he grew, saw some of himself. They laughed at the Marx Brothers and Abbott and Costello, thrilled to the adventures of Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers. They watched Buckaroo Banzai every weekend, they both laughed so hard at the “Why is there a watermelon there?” line. His did was there to help him learn to walk and talk, how to climb trees. Then, suddenly, it stopped. Jeff got sicker and sicker. The house became morose and quiet, the old joy disappearing with his weight. Cancer, he had been told, terminal. He seemed to give up near the end, not able to look at his wife and family without crying. He remembered the funeral, so quiet. Only the murmured sobs of family members. The days after, when his mother would hardly say a word, even chatty Kim had little to say. Their world died a little that day

The shapes came together as two splatters joined.

…a cake with a piece missing

He remembered his mom, always trying to be a housewife. Her smile, and how it became scarce after his dad died.

“I don’t understand how you laugh at that same part every time.” Sylvia said smiling, bringing Jeff a Michelob and Robb a root beer.

“It’s funny…” Robb said.

“…because it’s so random.” Jeff said, flashing that smile. The one said ‘…and that’s a fact.’ Sylvia laughed, as she turned back to the kitchen to pull a cake out of the oven. She was always doing little things, volunteering at the school, helping friends with college homework. She was a pleasant, affable woman.

Until, Jeff got sick. She put on her best brave face and tried to make him comfortable. She watched him give up, saw the light in his eyes dim. After the funeral, she became detached. Frozen meals took over home cooking. Robb and Kim had each other, but even her college friends came by less and less. She finally had to join the ranks of the single mother, her previously happy life disintegrated, leaving her tinged with bitterness. The house seemed empty with him gone, Robb only serving to remind her of Jeff. Robb started arguing, feeling unfairly singled out. Kim, started to lash out as she reached puberty. She felt like she had lost control of all the skeins of her life.

Robb kept his grades up and stayed out of trouble at school as best as he could. It was about halfway through his senior year when he brought Melanie to meet her. She smelled the wrong on Mel right away.

The Thanksgiving turkey sat on the table, surrounded by all the regular holiday fare. Robb and Melanie were there, seated next to Kim and Sylvia. They ate in silence. Sylvia not wanting to have an argument. Robb’s rebellion was becoming more and more bold. Sneaking out, drinking, sex, and who knew what all else. She hated the tattooed, pierced girl who had led her son down this path. She felt partially to blame. If only she hadn’t drowned out the world after Jeff died. If only.

“Mom, I’m gonna crash at Melanie’s tonight.” He had said nonchalantly.

“No.” Sylvia said. “You need to be here to watch Kim tomorrow.”

“Yeah,” Kim said. “We’re supposed to see that Wheel of Ages movie, tomorrow. Pew Pew” She shot imaginary arrows.

“He doesn’t wanna see that stupid thing.” Melanie snapped.

And all hell had broken loose.

“Jesus fuck, mom. Why can’t you see that I love her?” He kissed her smiling face.

“This is bullshit.” Kim had declared.

“KIM!”Sylvia yelled.

“He’s always following her, he doesn’t stay home anymore. I miss you, Robb.” Kim grumbled.

“You haven’t been the same since she got here.” She pointed at Mel.

“Fuck you, you little bitch.” Melanie slapped at Kim’s finger.

“That’s it. Get out.” Sylvia pointed at the door. Melanie slinked to the door, once she reached the doorway she looked at Robb.

“You comin’?” She said to Robb.

He looked at the faces of his mother and sister and paused, and calmly walked over to Melanie. Sylvia was white with shock. Kim feeling responsible, had started to cry. He saw the light catch on one of her guitar barrettes as he turned to leave.

“I fucking hate you both.” Robb said, slamming the door behind him. Kim and Sylvia started after the door in silence for a long time before giving in to the urge to cry.

The smears of blood had run down, a new shape formed

…a broken doll

He remembered his sister, Kim.

He was sitting at the small table in her room. Darth Vader and G.I. Joe were having high tea with Barbie and Skipper. “Skipper likes bad boys.” Kim had declared, seating the doll next to the Sith Lord. Robb had laughed with Kim. They rode their bikes together, and wrestled together. With her tiny body not able to break out of the dreaded ‘spider’ hold. She laughed at his stupid jokes and had a nice, happy relationship with her older brother.

Then Jeff had died. Her wardrobe began to change, jeans replacing dresses, tshirts for bands that played angry music. She stopped playing with Robb as he disappeared into a world of fantasy. She felt as if her brother’s love had slipped away somehow. Then he brought Melanie home. She monopolized his time. She had tried to make friends with Mel, only to be shown no rebuked. She withdrew, started fighting, tried to reconcile how she felt with how things were. When she could no longer take it, she said something.

That something set off the argument at the Thanksgiving table. She felt responsible. His final words echoed with her every day.

“I fucking hate you both.” Christ! That bothered him. Kimster, I’m sorry. All his mistakes were there, mocking him. The shapes in the blood dangling all the fractured pieces of his life in front of his rapidly darkening vision

“… s-scared.” Robb said, shivering. “… cold. Give me a cigarette, Mel.” Melanie shook out one of the Camels out of her pack, lit it, then put it in Robb’s lips. He inhaled, wincing. “Should have gone to the snow, like I wanted to do…” He laughed, Fighting off a painful cough.

Melanie lit a joint, puffed it to life. Robb expertly juggled the two in his one good hand, the one that wasn’t clamped down on the wound. She took the joint back, pausing to see it was coated with blood before setting it in the ashtray.

“Oh, Robb.” Melanie said through her white face. “There’s so much blood. I don’t know how to help you.” She wanted to touch him, but was afraid of getting his blood on her.

“Take some of the cash.” He wheezed. “Go to the Rite Aid and get some bandages. I’ll be okay for a while.”

Melanie kissed him. “Okay.” She said, trying to hold back the tears.

“Go, I’ll be alright. Bending over a mirror, Melanie inhaled one of the pre cut lines of cocaine from the mirror. She pinched her nostrils together and inhaled, tilted her head back…

… and headed out the door, crying.

Robb began to wonder how he ever got into this mess. Every bad decision he'd ever made was playing out before him, reflected in the pooling blood. When he told Mel to go to the store, he knew it would be over before she got back. The cigarette slipped from his fingers, hissing as blood wicked into the leftover paper.

He saw and felt the dark edges around his vision. He was cold and tired…

So very tired. He could feel himself drifting off into sweet, sweet sleep.

****************

A gong rang out with a piercing "CLANG", pure sound rocking him to his core, cutting through the pain.

A figure stood before him, jerking Robb into alertness. She was…blonde, cute.

Swirling robes of white, whispered promises of perfection underneath, even as she moved toward him with inhuman grace.

“My, my. You have gotten yourself into a pickle, haven’t you?” She looked at the cigarette butt.”Not exactly the healthy, are we?” She glanced at the mirror, spying the cocaine. “Feeling good is important, but why that way? The joy of others ought to be enough. The happiness of all creates the happiness of the one, which strengthens the happiness of the all.

“Who… wwhaaa.” Robb shivered. Lucidity gradually overtaking him.

“SHHH.” She started making gestures with her hands, all the while staring into his eyes. Such a perfect diamond blue… swallowing up his entire field of vision. Her smooth, contralto voice sucked all the air and sound from his senses.

“You have a good soul. Granted it’s buried pretty deep. Don’t know how that happened, but it’s not important. What is important is that things are starting to unfold, and unfortunately you won’t quite understand it, yet. You are going to help me.

“Or you could die. I mean, it’s up to you, but…”

“I don’t wanna die.” Robb whimpered, eyes darting. “Please,” he pleaded.”Help me. I…”

The Woman smiled,“ You’re safe, not to worry. When you wake up, things will be a little different. Don’t question it. Just remember: you’re getting another chance…”

Don’t waste it. The voice said into his soul as the darkness crept all the way to the middle of his vision and sleep came. Content, restful sleep.

* * * * * * *

Melanie came back from the store, clutching the package of bandages under her arm. “Robb.” She called, flinging the door closed as she rushed to the bathroom.

“Robb?” Panic rose in her voice. “Robb?”

“In here.” A voice said weakly. A feminine voice. Oh, no, who’d he tell?

Coming around the corner, She got nervous upon seeing the empty bathtub, a thin coat of blood showing pink ran in rivulets down toward the drain. Mel saw a young woman with platinum blonde hair and a model’s body. Not a trace of Robb, just this woman. Wearing Robb’s clothes, with the same bullet holes in the side of the plain blue t shirt he’d been wearing. With a large amount of blood in the same places that Robb’s wounds were.

Wait, that can’t be right.

She stood there, ran her hands over her side, where he had been shot. The clothes, Robb’s clothes clung to the curves of her body. There was blood in her shiny hair and around her big, diamond blue eyes.

“Who the fuck are you?” Melanie rasped, cocking hr fist

“It’s me, Robb, I…” Their eyes met, level for the first time. “I passed out, and then my clothes didn’t fit...and then… and then” He started to move his head around the room, settling on a mirror. He hesitate, staring at an alien shape.

Breasts? Robb began tearing at his shirt, ripping from where the bullets had torn the fabric. His gunshot wounds had vanished. He looked back to the mirror as time stopped. Beside the blood and baggy clothes, what he saw in his reflection appeared to be a normal blonde young woman.

Her arms and legs were slender, delicate. Her eyes wide and deep, a perfect diamond blue. The skin flawless, from her tiny, pointed nose to the dainty tips of her fingers and toes. Her breasts and hips curved out almost stereotypically. Blonde, almost white hair shined in the light. His eyes widened, making his reflection seem more seductive.

He brought his hands up to his breasts, accidentally brushing a nipple with his thumb, Hands shot down to his groin… nothing. He recoiled in abject horror face screwed up, tears and sobs following each other like thunder and lightning.

“That’s not me.” Robb whispered, his voice sounding different, higher. He covered his mouth instantly.

WHACK. Melanie’s fist crashed into the side of Robb’s head, knocking him over. He began to cry.

“It’s me. It’s Robb. Stop. Stop hitting me.” Too many things were happening

“Bullshit. You can’t be Robb…” Melanie cocked her hand back for another swing.

“No. No, it’s me. I swear.” This girl shivered on the floor. Stammering as she curled herself into a ball.

“Remember that time we stole that car, drove it all the way out to Loveland? And I left the weed at home?” She was talking faster, her voice going up an octave. Melanie kept advancing.

“Or when we ripped Felipe off for that 8 ball of coke. And we traded some of it for that shitty ecstasy. It made you fall asleep.” Melanie stopped moving.

There was that time..." She shuddered, a shaky voice coming between sobs "...you wanted to have a 3 way with that crazy girl who thought…” Tears mixed with crusty blood that she wiped away with the back of her dainty hand. Red and brown smeared into patterns that made her skin only appear more exotic.

“Or that joint you hid in that hidden spot in my dresser…” The joint in his dresser? Why would he tell anyone that? Melanie’s eyes widened. Seeing the truth of it. “Robb? This is bullshit. This… this just doesn’t happen.”

“What am I gonna do.” Robb whimpered. His life, his identity, gone in an instant.

“I’m happy to be breathing.” He staggered over, hugging Melanie. “I’m alive, Mel.” She squirmed in Robb’s embrace. Then broke away when Robb tried to kiss her. She didn’t mind girls, wouldn’t be the first time. But, this was too sudden.

“Whoa!” Melanie said. “I’m… I’m not ready for this. Is there any of that weed left? The beer? I need to get blazed.”

Melanie made her way to the kitchen, retrieving two beers out of the dirty refrigerator. Popped the tops and gave one to Robb. They drank in silence, as Robb felt the beer going to his head a little faster than he’d expected. Come to think of it, he coughed a lot when they’d been doing bong hits. He hadn’t felt anything so harsh in his whole life.

Must be really good weed, he mused, feeling the dulling that came with getting stoned.

Later, after hours of trying to puzzle out how Robb somehow became Playboy’s all- American girl, and after the alcohol and drugs took their toll. Robb drifted off to sleep. Melanie stared at him, shocked.

“What a cheap date.” Melanie lamented, swigging her third beer.

Cheap date… huh? She had an idea…

Chapter 2

“Wake up, sleepyhead.”

Robb came to, and…

Oh, My God. The world is way too loud. The throbbing and churning of his stomach forced him to move, he quickly got up, and ran the two steps to the bathroom.

And puked. Puked everything he ever ate, his mother ever ate, his grandmother. Was that a dinosaur bone?? He’d heard about hangovers, even had the general feeling like shit morning. But, nothing like this? He retched again.

And again. After what seemed like an eternity. Robb was finally able to stop hemorrhaging stomach acid. Running his hands over his face, he brought his hands around, something silky caught in his hand. As his vision cleared, he saw in his hand what looked like… Shiny blond ha…

Wait a minute. He probably looked like he was having an epileptic seizure, throwing his body around as he tried to wake up from the bad dream that wouldn’t stop as his hands caressed unfamiliar breasts, shooting down into his pants. His gaze locking on the mirror…

His diamond blue eyes looked big enough to drink in the world. The platinum blond hair fell messily around his striking face. His lips pouty, teeth perfect. He gasped.

“It’s real.” Robb wailed, bringing his hands to his cheeks, smooth skin. Tears misting his eyes. “It’s real!” Racking sobs came to him, his knees buckled. He felt a couple of vertebrae connect with the paneled wall. Melanie came up awkwardly and knelt beside Robb. She put her hand on him, he didn’t seem to notice

“It’s Okay.” Melanie said, her eyes gleaming and red tinged from the pot. “This is a big improvement over dead.” Robb had to agree. He may not have understood what had transpired, but it was obvious to him that he had to deal with it.

Melanie tried to hand Robb the bong. “ Nah, too early.” The fear really being that any more coughing would start a new fit of vomiting. The world spun while standing still. He rose to his feet uneasily. The tears started again, and they just wouldn’t stop. He collapsed in Melanie’s arms. She tried to jerk away at first, then just let it happen. She closed her eyes and pretended it was the same Robb.

“What are we gonna do?” Robb whimpered, his breasts squeezing against Melanie’s. They stood there for a while, long enough for Robb to run out of tears.

“You feeling better?” Melanie held Robb at arm’s length.

Robb looked down.” I guess.” He ran a hand through his hair and held it there.

“Here. “ Melanie threw him a scrunchie.

What’s this for?” He asked.

“Your hair, dipshit. Ponytail” Melanie pointed to her own hair.

“Oh, yeah. Not used to this.” He said, gathering up the shiny mass. Haven’t had hair in a while….”

“Hey,” Melanie said, snapping her fingers, exhaling smoke toward the ceiling.”You’re gonna need some kind of ID…. I guess we can call Frank for that… Clothes. We’re gonna have to do something about that, too. We need to figure out your measurements. It looks like oversized t shirts until we can figure that out.” She poured coffee into two cups, handed the pack of Camel’s to Robb. He lit one, inhaled deeply…

It tasted terrible, never tasted like that before, not unless he was sick. He grimaced, His head swimming and throat burning as the nicotine did it’s familiar work. He swirled black coffee in his mouth to chase away the taste of the cigarette. Oh, God, that’s almost worse. Melanie looked at him, confused.

“Is this different coffee? I dunno. It tastes…” Robb looked in the bottom of the cup. “Bitter.”

“You take it black. Always have.” Melanie looked puzzled. Robb also thought it strange. His father had taken it black as well. There was a hundred trillion things wrong with this….…

…this second chance. Second chance? I guess, why does that seem so familiar?

What else had changed? What else could? Suddenly sporting chesticles and getting shorter… How much more could possibly happen? Oh, shit. Robb thought. I asked. Do I want to know the answer? His head was a maelstrom. Too many things, too many things.

“Sorry, just don’t feel like myself and…” Robb looked up, smiled and they both dissolved into laughter. Robb’s laughter sounded tinged with nervousness. A slight pain in his abdomen, a dull ache that ebbed and flowed.

“You don’t even have to try to be a smartass, do you?” Melanie smiled

Robb scrunched up his face. Melanie laughed.

“Well, I’ve been thinking. No more robbing shit. There are easier ways to make money.”

“I couldn’t agree with you more. I don’t want to ever get shot again.” He sniffed back tears again, while chuckling. “In fact, I...I.” He looked down at his breasts.”

“What am I gonna do?” Realization again. “I’m a girl…”

“Yes, you certainly are. And do you know what that means? Remember how nervous you were when you first talked to me?” He did. Forget butterflies. There was Mothra, Godzilla, Rodan, Ghidorah Battling for supremacy of Monster Island in his stomach. He felt so nervous.

“And you know how most guys like girl on girl, riiiight?”

“So you want me to be gay?” Robb asked shocked.

“I object, your honor. I submit that it would be more gay to have a penis involved?” Melanie cocked an eyebrow and looked at him sideways.

“I..”Robb started. He slumped his shoulders. “I don’t know. Hadn’t thought about sex, seems kind of unimportant.”

“Well, Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” She grinned devilishly.

“You might even like it more.” Mel cooed, running a hand down his arm.

Melanie had it all figured out. Webcams. A show or two alone could net them quite a bit. She’d been checking. Ok, So Robb was a girl. Makes everything different. How did that happen? That thought was chased away by the thought of the money. Moving from one score to the next, this seemed like a good idea.

How did it happen? Who cares?

A little girl on girl with Robb… They could start lightly. There would be a lot of money in this. She looked at Robb, seeing the feminine creature that used to be her boyfriend. She was beautiful, no doubt about that.

Blond hair, blue eyes. It came to her. But she would need some things first. She started making a list, she just hoped this whole idea of hers would work. There was a lot to do. But, it could be done quickly with Robb’s help. Melanie would make sure to get his help in any way she could.

Three hours later Robb felt something wrong, a wetness that reminded him of when he’d been shot, on top of the stomach pains he had earlier. Fearing that the wound had somehow returned, he bolted for the bathroom. Hooking his thumbs into the badly fitting jeans, he sent them to the floor in a jumble. There was blood thinly coating the inside of the jeans. He threw them. They landed next to the sink. There was a spreading wet, red mass filling his underwear, the way wounds weep when not properly cared for. This, too, was thrown into the corner.

Blood. Bright and red, glistening in the wan glow of the single filament bulb greeted him. An inhuman shriek emerged from his throat. It seemed like so much blood.. He started probing, adrenaline flooding his system, his hands slipping in the blood, hoping to find the wound. He couldn’t feel any pain anywhere.

Melanie practically kicked the door open. “What what? What’s wrong why are you screaming?” His terrified face, paler than usual pleaded for help.

The blood was, to Robb, gushing. There seemed to be no end. Thoughts chased each other like a high speed Ouroboros.

“I don’t know,” he hyperventilated. “I don’t know what’s… I don’t know” shock creeping into his voice with each repititon, driving his voice upwards a couple of octaves.

Melanie knew what was going on. Trying not to laugh, she bent over him. Placing her hands on his shoulders. “Robb, it’s okay.”

“No,” breathing hard. “I’m gonna bleed to…”

“Robb.” She said louder. “It’s okay. I know what’s wrong.”

“What… what.” Breath coming in ragged gasps.

“You’re having your period.” Melanie laughed. Robb stared at her stunned. Why didn’t I think of that?

As if a switch had been flipped, the hyperventilation stopped, replaced by peals of Melanie’s girlish, infectious laughter. Wiping tears from his eyes, Robb saw the humor in this, abstractly. As well as a painful reminder of things lost. He spent the rest of the day running back and forth to the bathroom. Melanie had to show him how to use the accoutrements. Robb refused to call them maxipads, Melanie reminded him that he would need to change them every so often. He absolutely refused tampons. Like one would refuse infection with the Ebola virus.

“Uh-uh. I’m not sticking anything in there.” He said, the slight bulge of the pad reminding him of the bulge that was there only yesterday. While he was irritated, he also felt weak and annoyed.

“Hey, you might like it.” Melanie said.

“Do you?”Robb asked. his anger giving way to helplessness. “I don’t seem to recall you acting like one of those commercials you thought were hilarious.”

Melanie frowned. “Any other symptoms? Cramping?” Robb nodded. Melanie went to the pill stash and fished out a vicodin. “Here. This’ll help.”

It did, about a half an hour later the squirming of his insides started to settle. With everything that happened. There was far too many little things he was going to have to get used to. Getting to the next score was hard enough. And now, there was even more things to worry about. Everything was so complicated.

He was bitchy, and that’s what bothered him the most. Guys aren’t supposed to be bitchy, godammit.

He was irritated. He was scared.

And, even though Melanie was there…

He felt alone.

* * * * * * * *

CLANG! There it was again. That clear, pure sound

“Oh, you’re back.” Said the blonde from the … dream?...

“YOU!” Robb said, recognizing the face and eyes. After all, they mirrored his own. “You’ve got some explaining to do, what the…”

She held up her hands. “Calm down. I understand your confusion. Some things are going to be way over your head at first, but you’ll get the hang of it. There are those who suck the energy out of the universe. I try to put it back, in whatever way I can. You are to be my Advocate.”

“Advocate? And I have to be…”he gestured to his body. “You? Look, I mean I’m grateful. I was gonna die, but,” Robb hefted a breast.”I’m supposed to be male. How am I supposed to live like this?”

“Hey, it took some energy to make that body. So, a little gratitude might be in order?” She said sharply. “I needed a giving soul, yours fit the bill.” She moved her flawless face into a puzzled expression. “Soul like yours is usually female anyway. But, it does happen from time to time. As to how you are supposed to live? Much like you did. Breathing, eating. Being female isn’t any more wrong than being male is. What is important is how you go forward from here. Would you make Robb’s choices again?

“Or would you do it better? I have to ask. How did such a giving soul like yours get into that predicament?”

Robb felt heat rise in his face. He looked at his feet, embarrassed that he knew the answer. Shame coloring both his face and voice “I was a good guy. D&D, video games and comic books. My dad died, school sucked. Then, Melanie. How do I see all this?…My head, it’s so clear…” Robb noticed that for the first time in a long time his thinking wasn’t muddled.

“That’s because you’re using all of your brain at the same time. It’s easier after you do it first time. Usually people just die. Soon there will be a moment when it’ll all come to you, but not yet.” Justice said

“Tell me more about Melanie.”

“I was so surprised she wanted to be with me. She didn’t have any friends, she seemed kind of aimless. I wanted to help her, instead I got high… a lot. I just stopped caring about what happened anymore. Yelled at my mother, my sister. Couldn’t get a job. Started stealing”

Tears began forming in Robb’s eyes. “I didn’t want to. But, I was so afraid of losing her. I remember thinking that.”sniff… sniff.” I could help her…and… and. Then we were robbing stores. Like ‘no shit, this is a gun’ robberies. Nobody was ever supposed to get hurt. I feel so…so.” The sobs came, heavy, racking sobs, as all of his mistakes coalesced. The sadness and guilt he had harbored for three long years.

“Well, that explains everything. Kind of like jumping off the bridge after someone, in the end, two fall.”She stepped forward toward Robb. Embracing him. “It’s okay. All will be forgiven. You’re going to help the make the world a better place.” Being held by this… epitome of womanhood seemed to complete him in a way that being with Melanie never did.

Ever. He was reminded of his mother, his sister.

“All life is a balance of energies, I maintain the balance by putting energy back into the world. It’s simple, you will get the hang of it. You won’t remember our conversations here yet, which is kind of a shame. But, it’ll get through. Slowly. You’ll figure it out. You can fix your life, and help others along the way. It is a fulfilling life, but it is a difficult one.”

“It’s never simple is it?” Robb’s shoulders sagged.

“Nothing worth having ever is.” She said with a voice belying ageless wisdom.

As their embrace broke, Robb stood there wiping his eyes, he asked “Who are you?”

“Call me Justice. “ She smiled, two identical pairs of eyes locking. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it. It’ll come to you. “ She said, clearly mocking Melanie.

“We’ll talk again. “

* * * * * * * * * * * *
The sound of the coffee pot gurgling, woke Robb. Melanie was standing by it. Smoking her first cigarette of the day. He felt great, despite having woken up about a day and a half ago as a male who got shot during a botched robbery. It still felt like his insides were in a vice. Yesterday, Melanie had to show him how to use all of those feminine products he never thought he’d have to worry about

Coffee, cigarette. The thoughts were automatic. He pushed the hair out of his face

“Good morning, sunshine. Still a girl, I see.” Melanie said, throwing him a scrunchie.

“Thanks.” He said. It’s strange how I keep being reminded, Robb thought as he poured coffee into a cup after shaking in some creamer and sugar

“Yeah,” Melanie said. “Look, I’m get hold of Frank. We’re gonna have to get you some clothes, too. I don’t know how much more of this weirdness I can stand. You seem to be handling the loss of your cock pretty well. How are you so calm.” She lit the joint. Holding in the smoke tersely. She offered Robb the joint. He shook his hand at it negatively. Melanie shrugged and went in for a second toke.

He moved his slender shoulders up and down. “But what good is freaking out gonna do? I mean ‘Excuse me officer, I was shot during a robbery yesterday and now I’m a girl.’ Is guaranteed to get me a room at the laughing academy.” He caricatured a girl the way he always did. The way he had always imitated Melanie when they argued. Bending slightly over and widening his already wide eyes. It looked a lot less like a caricature, and more like a modeling shoot. and the delivery…

He even did the duck face .The delivery was so perfect so…

“Fuckin’ Robb.” Melanie said as she burst out laughing. It was a truism that if you talked to Robb for longer than a minute, you would say either that, or an equivalent. She laughed, the weed going right to her head.

“I’m gonna go get some thrift store clothes and find Frank. Let’s get you an identity. And what we gonna call you? Don’t think ‘Robb’ is gonna do it.” She giggled. “Robb. I guess ‘Bobbie’. That’s close enough, right?”

“Hmmm. Bobbie.” Melanie drew out the name for effect. She left.

Great, Bobbie. He had a relative that had called him Bobby as a boy. How he hated that. ‘Bobbie’, looked around the place. God, what a mess. She picked up one thing. Which led to another, and another. Soon, the house was clean. He turned on the TV. Cooking Channel was on. Some woman was baking cookies. And it looked so… so…

Simple. God, now he wanted cookies. Melanie was still gone. With no idea when she’d be back. Robb fired up the laptop and started looking up cookie recipes. He found one. He’d found all the necessary ingredients. Even had some chocolate chips left. Saving a handful for himself, Robb dumped the bag into the bowl. As the ingredients mixed, Robb could feel a calm, a quiet.

A zen.

Some twenty minutes later, there were cookies. Warm cookies, the chocolate inside still in its viscous deliciousness. Robb suddenly remembered rainy Saturdays as a child, when his Mom made cookies. His dad had still been alive then. He smiled, a happy, slightly less clouded memory in the jumbled confusion that had been his last two days.

Melanie walked in the door that evening. She had two bags, one filled with thrift store clothes, that she hoped was at least a useable size and the other with burgers. She looked around the room. It was quite clean. Robb was asleep on the couch, a plate of cookies next to him.

What the…? Melanie had never seen the place so clean. She dropped the packages and turned to the sleeping form on the couch. She gingerly eased the laptop away from him. And after setting the device down on the floor and sliding it under the couch.

She pounced on Robb, startling him awake. Something she did from time to time, just to see his reaction. He reacted as if he was being waterboarded. “Hey, Robb, wassup?”

“ummm, Hna way?” Robb was coming around, flailing his arms.

“Got burgers.” Melanie said, handing him one. Good, Robb thought, seeing the yellow paper. Louie’s Burgers, definitely better than Pam’s

“Ooh, double burger.” Robb said, that place that uses the white paper’s burgers are…

“Robb.” Melanie said.” Bobbie…Geez, I’m gonna have to get used to that.”

“Could you still call me Robb? Please. At least while were alone.” Robb said, still not used to the new sound of his voice. “I don’t think I’m ready for that.” He tore into the burger, shreds of lettuce hanging out of his mouth. He rolled his eyes skyward. The flavor was almost too much.

Mayonnaise, ketchup, pickle relish… jalepeno..

“Khzlpno”

Melanie looked at him funny. “Robb?”

She swallowed, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth. She opened her mouth and burped, loudly. Melanie burst out laughing, louder than the burp.

“What?” Bobbie said, the lettuce still clinging to her lip.

“Cute. Sexy, very ladylike.”

“Blow me.”

“Can’t.” Melanie said. “No penis.”

That deflated Bobbie as she took another, smaller bite of the burger. “Sorry. Robb.” Melanie said.

“You didn’t have to remind me.” Robb studied his burger, a pink smear of special sauce interrupting the green of the pickle.“Jalepeno.” Bobbie said quietly.

“Huh?”

“The ingredient I could never figure out? The one in the special sauce? Jalepeno.” Robb said contemplatively. “Wuch wich arr doos ghags?” He said around a mouthful of burger, gesturing to the remaining bags.

“Oh, just some things. I’m not gonna let you sit in the house like some animal. We’ve gotta get you ready to go out. But, we’ll deal with that later.” Melanie started unwrapping her burger. “How’s Aunt Flo?”

“Huh,” Bobbie asked. “Aun..”

“Your cycle, Robb.” Melanie said, pointing at her groin

Robb glared at her, as if practicing the head exploding trick from Scanners.

She laughed. “What? You, on your period. From where I sit, it’s hilarious.”

“I was forbidden to talk about that.” Robb pointed out.

“That’s because you couldn’t have one.”

Robb’s eyes narrowed, he could see metal daggers flying through the air straight from his eyes to hers. “Fall on a porcupine. Not funny.”

The squeezing had subsided some, she had to admit “Better.”

“Okay.” She snickered as she gave Robb another vicodin. Melanie set her burger down and went to the bags on the ground. She opened one and fished around inside. She came out with some panties. “I wasn’t sure of your size, so just try stuff on till it fits.” Robb reached inside the bag, Melanie insisted on him taking the whole bag.

He closed the bathroom door behind her. After a few tries, he began to feel like Goldilocks. Which, after a look into the mirror drove that image home.

Too big, too small…

Just right. It felt wonderful as the fabric slid up his smooth legs. It reminded him of just after Melanie cut his hair. The skin of his scalp seemed oversensitive. His hands gripping at the sides of the garment, he pulled up…

…a little too hard. He gasped as the pull on his groin caused an intensely overwhelming wave of sensations. He bit his lip, so as not to lose control. He looked at the bras, after testing a few, he found one that felt like it would fit. He hooked it in the front, as he had seen Melanie do. Turned it around and fed his arms through the straps. When he looked for more clothes in the bag, all he found was more underwear. He grabbed the bag and opened the door. Melanie sat on the couch, lighting a cigarette.

“Was there anything else? All that’s in here…” Melanie got up and crossed the room. “Bobbie… I mean Robb.” Melanie said, smiling. She putt her hand on Robb’s wrist. “You’re gorgeous.” Robb smiled weakly. Everything was turned upside down, this was probably the best piece of news since everything happened.

Melanie brought her hand up and touched his face. “I’m not sure how this all happened, but we’ve got to help each other… Hmmm. You’re a bit shorter. You look like a teenager,” Melanie said, realizing that she could now look Robb in the eyes. She put his height at around five foot six. Robb leveled his eyes at her, Melanie leaned in for a kiss. Their lips touched, tongues probing.

Thank God. Bobbie thought. At least one thing hasn’t changed.

Melanie left early the next day. She said something about getting ready. Robb sat in an ill fitting (though not as bad as his ‘Robb’ clothes.) pair of low-rise jeans. She punched a hole in Robb’s old belt, figuring that would do. And his old Go, Betty, Go t-shirt, which now hung almost to his knees. He tucked the shirt in after looking in the mirror. The shirt hanging to his knees looking a little too Playboy for his tastes

At least the bleeding stopped, he thought. Thankful that was over.

Until Melanie reminded him it would happen again in about four weeks.

That tore it. Robb seethed. Here he sat in a body that wasn’t his. With a voice that wasn’t his. A life that wasn’t his. What was his anymore? He jumped when he saw a mirror out of the corner of his eye, thinking someone was behind him. Only to realize that the blonde in the mirror was him.

After Melanie shaved his head, he couldn’t pass a mirror without looking for a second, as if to say “Oh, yeah. That’s right. I got a haircut.” But that was just hair, something that grew back. This was a whole body. He wondered when he’d get used to the reflection. He wanted everything to be normal again. He pulled the end of the ponytail and studied it. He thought of Gwen Stefani. Every gaze at his mirrored doppelganger made him feel more cut off from everything. Robb never really had any life plans, but ‘Bobbie’ was certainly never a part of it. He wanted to scream, but didn’t know what good that would do. He also knew it would be a girly scream, while he wondered what that would sound like. NO! He thought of the ‘scream queens’ from the horror films he watched.

Why did I think of that? He hadn’t thought about any of that stuff since…

…Melanie. She didn’t like movies as much as he did. Hell, nobody did.

That might be something. He began searching the internet, like he used to. Movies, comics, it was like a homecoming. The joy of finding out that random tidbit of information. He’d nearly forgotten what he was like. Soon, it was like the old days. Parkour videos, some cat videos, his old gaming community. He was working through the tabs when Melanie came back. Looking up at the window, he saw it was evening. Time had just flown by. It was then that he noticed more bags.

“More shopping?” Shopping always bored him stiff. Some band tees and ironic shirts, done. The thought of having to learn how to dress all over again disturbed him.

“Oh, yeah. You know it.” Melanie said, brandishing a cloth measuring tape. “Come here.”

“I don’t like that look, you do remember that I know you, right. There must be some dark purpose you’re workin’ at” Robb said, trying and failing to sound ambivalent.

She looked at him, pouted. “Just trying to help. C’mon.”He got up and walked over to Melanie, reluctance showing in her steps. “Gotta figure out your size. We’ve got to get you ready.”

“For what?” Bobbie asked, widening her eyes.

Melanie smiled an evil smile.”Tell you later, first things first. Let’s get you measured. Arms up.” Bobbie raised her arms as Melanie looped the tape around her breasts, her waist and her hips. “Let’s see, 32-21-33, about a ‘c’ cup…” She turned to the laptop and entered the measurements. “Hmm. Size zero. Lucky Bitch.” She smiled. “You’ll be easy to shop for. I’m gonna take a shower. I’m gonna be a while.” Bobbie sat down. Melanie began stripping her shirt off, her breasts lit from the side by the bathroom light. All of her tattoos were completely visible, even the tribal ‘tramp stamp’. With that, she grabbed one of the bags she entered with and entered the shower. She looked at the bags strewn around the room. Bobbie contemplated a cigarette, decided against it, and went back to the laptop.

It was over an hour later when Melanie had come out. She had dyed her hair. It was now obsidian black, and spiked around her face, like female anime demons often did. She had done her makeup, mostly blacks, greys, and other dark colors. Wearing a bustier and some very tall boots, Robb’s jaw dropped.

“Mel?” He felt a stirring he hadn’t felt in days.

“You like?” She purred. “Come here, ‘Bobbie’” Melanie beckoned semi seductively.

He went to her. Her use of Bobbie not even bothering him. She slid her arms around Robb’s slender frame and caressed her. Touching lips, Bobbie inhaled sharply as her nipples rubbed along the inside of the t-shirt. It was a long, delicious moment, tiny explosions traced up and down Robb’s skin in Melanie’s Embrace.

“C’mon, let’s get you fixed up. Give me your shirt. Put this one on.” Robb saw that Melanie had bought enough cosmetics to cover fashion week. We are going to have to …”

“What?” Robb said, Melanie surveying his face.

“You need a look. I’ve got mine, and I’ve figured out yours.”

Robb sat in front of Melanie, his eyebrows were being tweezed and plucked. It hurt. A lot, every time she pulled back there was a sharp pain, followed by an itch. And, she did it again and again. How did women do this? I bet they just get used to it, he thought

Then, there was the makeup. Eyeliner, eyebrow pencil, lipstick, foundation, powder, Robb kind of got lost in the process, retreating into his head. How did they do any of this? He remembered all the times in his life that his mom, or Melanie for that matter had said “That’s what you’re wearing?” It had been t shirts and jeans for as long as he could remember. Getting first hand experience about exactly why women needed so long in the bathroom, made him feel like kind of a dick. Getting ready had never been more than a twenty minute operation. But now, there was eyebrows, and makeup, and…

Chapter 3

“Ow.” Robb said, jerking his head back.

“Oh, don’t be such a..g”

“If you say girl or sissy, I will beat you to death with that curling iron.

He just didn’t want to think about it. He was already looking forward to scrubbing this crap off. It was like his dad’s funeral. He had to wear a suit and tie. From the moment he put it on, it had to come off. It felt like wearing another person, not just their clothes. Now he was wearing another person, and yet another person’s clothes. Robb wondered how much of Robb would survive by the time this was all over.

Oh, God. I must have like 60-65 years in this body. I’m. He saw a part of his face in the mirror. I’m in here for good, aren’t I? Robb slumped

“Hold still.” Melanie said, moving the light. She moved back, studying her work.

“There. You can look now.” Robb looked at the clock.

Two hours?

Bobbie looked into the mirror. Where the brows were once flat and uniform, they had been thinned, arched slightly. It drew even more attention to her eyes. Making them seem more open. Her makeup had been done, tastefully. Her reflection practically screamed ‘GOOD GIRL CHEERCOMING QUEEN’.

“Gimme an ‘A” Robb said sarcastically.

“Hmmm, cheerleader, we’ll have to do that one. There, now that that’s done, I can get started. Robb, Could you set up the webcam?”

Robb looked puzzled. “Yeah.” He said, cocking a sculpted eyebrow. He ran his slender finger over the mouse pad, activating the camera. Robb wondered what she was up to. She moved the laptop near the foot of the bed . Melanie opened the top drawer of her nightstand and pulled out her vibrator. She leaned forward and repositioned the screen, clicked the mouse. Then, through the crotchless panties she was wearing, Melanie reached down, into the velvet. Her fingers probing, caressing, entering.

Robb looked a little shocked at first. It wasn’t the first time he’d seen this. But, it was the first time he’d seen recorded it. She was putting on a show, moving and writhing. Alternating the position of the vibrator, using it in various places, moaning and making faces, Melanie proudly let her voice be heard. And when the orgasm built to a crescendo, she turned and beckoned Bobbie over seductively. Melanie pulled her into the frame and forced their lips together, turning into a passionate kiss. After breaking contact, Melanie purred at the camera. “We take PayPal. Information Below. We’re waiting.” Then she waved, breaking the fourth wall.

Clicking off the webcam, Melanie turned to Robb. Still short of breath and covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

“Fuck, I need to rinse off. I shall return.” Bobbie looked down at his vagina. In a small way he refused to think of it as his. Nearly every step or unfamiliar touch was like touching a live wire. He was just getting used to walking again. Bobbie went to the refrigerator, grabbed two of the remaining cookies and poured herself a glass of milk.

Melanie came out in a robe, left untied at the front smoking a cigarette. “Okay. Here’s the big plan.” She sat across from Robb at the card table that doubled as their dining room.

“Yeah, I was curious.” Robb said. It was never good when she was secretive. It was also when she could be at her most devious. This wouldn’t be the first time she talked me into doing something stupid, wouldn’t even be the thousandth.

“Look at you.” ‘Bad’ Melanie said. “You look like an angel. So lilly white. “She pouted. “So, I’m gonna be the bad girl.” She laughed. This is gonna be great. I bet we have like a thousand bucks by the end of the week. Do you know how much people pay to see this? And we can close down, move, do it again. No one will really be able to tell us what to do.”

“We’ll be free.”

Robb wasn’t feeling too sure about this, but there it was. Back to the ‘one score to the next’ thing. Granted, this was the best plan she had ever come up with. But, that still didn’t make it a good one. He bit into the cookie, chasing it with milk. Melanie laughed. “Milk and cookies? Oh, they’re gonna eat this up. I’m grabbing a beer.”

* * * * * * * * * * *
Melanie found Bobbie’s costume online the next day. They were going for a ‘sexy angel’ thing, she had told him. They set up the website(If anything Robb’s geekiness was finally coming in handy for something) , linked the paypal to Robb’s old bank account… and waited for some money to roll in. Melanie was right, for once. “Never underestimate the power of porn.” She said. The money came in pretty fast. With the one video alone, there were subscriptions coming in, and it had only been a day. Melanie decided that the next show would be live, and also recorded.

The costume came the next day. Thanks, Amazon. Melanie insisted that Robb try it on. Robb truly did look like an angel. Lace gloves, a snug, one-piece garment clung to his body. There were stockings. Melanie clipped the wings and halo onto his back

“Ready for your big debut?” Melanie said. Offering him one of the Ecstasy pills she got from one of the many contacts. He took the pill, swallowing it dry.

Bobbie looked himself(herself) in the mirror. Melanie had done his makeup and hair. He did, truly look like an angel. The skin flawless, the makeup perfect. He was either the picture of feminine grace…

Or Hugh Hefner’s next wife. Bobbie thought. It had taken hours for them to be ready. He’d never really thought about it. But so much went into getting ready. Couldn’t deny the result though. Robb lightly touched the ends of his hair. Definitely sexy, he thought. The world gaining a shine. Like that shine videogames use when they try to show you the future. What made him think of that? His body began to feel the pleasant tingle that was the mark of good ecstasy. The music came on. The throbbing baseline of VNV Nation’s Believe vibrating his skin… Everywhere. The heat, the flush, the total surrender to the sound. Melanie cut through the reverie of sensation. Her voice fading into the beat.

“Ready? ”{to believe in something?}

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” Robb said. Wondering how much more sensory overload he could stand. The throbbing was everywhere. It was good, so good, the tingling became…something in his groin. Robb hadn’t ‘used the equipment’ yet, so he didn’t know what to expect. Melanie thought it would make for a better show. Robb’s nervousness was evident as Melanie looked at the camera.

“Why choose Heaven or Hell, when you can have both?” And with that, Melanie began kissing Bobbie’s neck. He felt warmth spreading through his cheeks. She pointed her toes, curling them downward. Warm moisture began oozing from his vagina. He knew it was his, now it wouldn’t feel that way if it wasn’t. The pleasure threatening to engulf him, he grabbed Melanie by the back of her hair and dove toward her. Melanie moved smoothly downward, trailing her tongue. The ecstasy and Melanie drowning out the world, threatening to drown out all existence

Down. His chest was on fire as she flicked a nipple with her tongue, sending shockwaves down his abdomen. Down. Uhhh. The electricity he distinctly avoided swallowed him whole, fingers twitched, feet shook. She swung Melanie around to repay her in kind. His face buried in her crotch. The thrumming of the stereo adding a soundtrack and somehow editing reality.

It wasn’t like the sex he remembered. Not at all. It wasn’t necessarily bett…

UNHHHHH! Oh, yes it was!

UNHHHHH! Control: gone. He bucked and thrashed as he gave in to each delectable sensation. It was too, too much, each second melting into a glacial eternity of pleasure and joy, singularity, oneness with the universe, falling into infinity, and drinking in infinity at the same time. His whole body shook as wave after wave of pleasure. His tongue probing Melanie’s nether regions. He could feel the pressure build, and build, and build and just when it built to a point of no return.…

CLANG!! WAKE UP!! REMEMBER!! It was more than a sound, more than words. It jarred him to the quanta of his being, sending every particle humming with the same resonance, the music fell away, light fell away.

Coherent thought fell away…

“OOOOOOOOH!” Robb bit his bottom lip so hard copper blood mixed with cherry lip gloss. He climaxed, feeling suddenly full of energy as it passed through her into the universe. A warm glow emanated from her midsection as every muscle in her body tensed, then relaxed. He felt… hollow. And with that, the blow of a thousand hammers entered his mind.

Justice was there and not there. Like a movie he saw it all clearly for the first time in a ‘big picture way.’ All of the mistakes he’d made. He saw the hurt he had caused. He no longer saw Monet’s dots, but Monet’s Path in a Forest.

And for what, for this? Dulled senses and hollow feelings? He realized what Melanie was. What Robb’s mother and sister had seen, yet he clung to it just to drown in sensual pleasure. A pleasure that was eclipsing him, lessening him.

CLANG!! And with that pure, clear sound, he remembered all of the conversations he’d had with Justice. Lust, being the Advocate, giving energy back. The orgasm subsided. His breathing rushed, his body limp and useless. Tears began forming in his eyes. Something completely misread by Melanie.

“It’s okay,” She said, reaching over to shut down the webcam. “It’s okay. I cried my first time, too. Huh, I took your virginity twice. We got what we needed. Just relax. I’m gonna shower. This makeup is hell to get off.”

He felt… dirty. It was a new feeling. He didn’t like it so much. He thought as he drifted off to sleep. And he suddenly saw what was wrong. He saw how Melanie had led him by the nose during their whole relationship. His look, his life.

And all the things he lost. He was being given a rare gift. This second chance. Wasting it with Melanie, like he had the last one…

No, not this time. And with that. Robb decided that Melanie was right about one thing.

“Bobbie…’ Robb breathed as he drifted off.

* * * * * * * * * * *

“Finally.” Justice said. Sitting on the sofa. “I’ve been waiting for this. Robb… well ‘Bobbie’ now.” She smiled. “ You are going to help me. I know I haven’t explained anything to you yet. I had to wait until I could get your undivided attention. There are others like me. In fact there’s another one in your town. Nasty piece of work called ‘Lust’.”

“Lust?” Bobbie looked at Justice.

“You would call her a succubus, steals sexual energy. When she does that, other energies go with it. You’re going to help put it back. How will become clear to you, you probably know already, inside. Now, this isn’t going to be like some action movie, with constant peril. You’re just going to live your life, and do the right thing. But know this. There is no going back. Use that creative energy to constructive purpose.”

Bobbie’s concerns melted away. Justice was right. Who was Robb now, anyway? Professional Loser, Junkie: Expert Level? Pariah to his family? Melanie didn’t love him for him the way he did her. He had to put this all behind him.

He had to change.

Had to be someone else. Someone he could be proud of.

Someone good. Bobbie could be that someone.

Justice saw the change in her resolve and smiled. She knew, she saw the understanding in Bobbie’s eyes. “Good, now go. Put some joy back in the world. Be my Advocate.”

Bobbie saw, truly saw.

He could fix it. And by it, he meant everything.

Bobbie quickly clasped Justice.”Thank you. I never said that.” Tears coming, not tears of sadness or loss, but of happiness. Knowing the holes he had to fill. Before he could build, he had to repair.”Mission accepted.” Bobbie said, smiling. Really smiling.

“And I think I know just where to start. I’m going to do this right this time. I promise.”

Bobbie came to, sat up, grabbed some things, and got quietly dressed. Grabbed his wallet and headed for the door.

Armed with the ATM card that had all of the webcam money(It was in his name anyway, well Robb’s. And it was partially his. He did the work, after all.). Looking at the mirror, he saw Bobbie. There was a little Robb still in there, his internet browsing habits unchanged. He wanted more than anything… To start fresh. And the best place to start is the beginning. This is gonna be okay. I’m gonna start over.

Robb knew what he needed to do. He got up, grabbed some jeans and a t-shirt. Pulled on a jacket.

And left. Left to start his new life.

And to tie up all the problems from his old one.

Chapter 4

Robb had drained about $1200 from the bank card that bore his name. He bought a backpack at a thrift store. He broke the card in half and threw it away. He walked and walked, and walked…

…and walked. During his internet musings he discovered the idea of the Walkabout.

Walking until you meet yourself, considering the events of the week, that seemed like the most likely thing in the world. He knew that there wasn’t an explosion behind him. He also knew that he wasn’t walking in slow motion. But that’s how he felt, happy and sad tears running rivulets of mascara and eyeliner down his face. Walking down the long, long road towards… Where?

First thing’s first… Frank.

Frank was the Fake ID guy. Could damn near fake anything except money. This should be easy.

He knocked on the door. It buzzed and he pushed.

“Frank?”

“Hey, Do I know you?” Frank put down his taco and wiped his hand on his well stained Mountain Dew shirt. He reached under the table for the little Seecamp .45 he kept there.

“Yeah, Umm.” Bobbie looked down at her feet. “Melanie sent me. I don’t wanna go back….”

“She said you could help me. I left my parents, they were in some weird cult. I need to get some I.D., I just can’t go back , I just can’t….” Bobbie was trying to sound genuinely upset, luckily she already looked like she’d been crying . His expression became less hard.

“… and Mel said you were the one to see. I need ID, Social Security Card, Birth Certificate and School Records. I’ve got money. I have no one else to turn to.”

“Close the door behind you.” Frank said, Bobbie suddenly remembering where she was and who she was talking to.

“That’s gonna cost you. Three hundred at least, or you could blow me.”

That sleazy fucker. Bobbie threw three crisp hundred dollar bills on the table, careful to hide his horror. Tears came unbidden, slowly leaking down his face, creating new tracks of makeup.

The hopeful look in Frank’s eyes died, he grimaced. “Okay. Miss. Give me a few minutes to set up and we’ll be ready. Ummm.” Frank looked around. “I’m gonna need a picture. There’s a bathroom over there to freshen up, if you want. Are you okay? Can I get you a coffee of something? It’s gonna be a bit, Miss?”

“Sharpe, Bobbie Sharpe.” Bobbie said as she headed toward the bathroom. She saw the makeup that had ran down her face like a rural roadmap. God, she must have looked terrible. Well, Frank didn’t think so. Blowjob, Bobbie forced the thought out of his mind, the thought of it was just… EWWW!

The makeup came right off, leaving his{her} face clean, eyes slightly puffy. But there it was. For the first time in his life, he cared what a picture of him would look like. Ironically, he wouldn’t look his best. Or, like him at all. Satisfied that this was the best he was going to be able to do for now, he went back out to face Frank.

There were questions, things to fill out. He never realized how much paper a single life generated. Then the all important picture, he hastily parted his hair down the middle, allowing it to flow over his shoulders.

An hour later, Frank had done his magic. And there was a Colorado Driver’s License and Social Security card for One Bobbie Sharpe, Born 11/13/1995, even had school transfer records from California. Everything she would need to start fresh.

Frank thanked her for her business, and told Bobbie to tell Melanie he said hi.

“Okay, sure.” She said.

Fat chance, she thought.

* * * * * ** * * * * *
When Melanie came out of the bathroom, she expected to find Robb sleeping. When the body was gone, she was concerned. When she noticed the bank card was missing. She went ballistic. Nuclear missile ballistic.

That….fucking bitch. Melanie thought. After all I did for him. She was so mad, she broke a few things, screamed. When none of those things were able to assuage her anger, she went to the drawer and pulled out the stash box she kept the drugs in. She started with the marijuana and cocaine.

Then came the alcohol, then the oxycontin{which she crushed and snorted}. The anger started to subside, mellowness radiating out from her belly. Her reactions slowed as tiredness crept into her. She began to nod off. The cigarette she was smoking was fresh… half gone… burning her fingers as it dropped onto the carpet

And everything went black.

“Melanie.” A sexy voice purred into her ear. She opened her eyes.

They were in an old, abandoned hospital. Sort of. That’s what was in front of her, her neck wouldn’t turn. It felt like her body had been encased in wet concrete. All of her movements seems geologically slow.

The stranger stood in front of her. She looked vaguely Asian, with large breasts and luscious hips. “You’re probably wondering what’s going on? Turn around and look. Suddenly released, she spun around. Melanie saw her body splayed out on the sofa, foaming at the mouth, unconscious.

“Oh, You’re in trouble, aren’t you?”

Melanie felt the wrongness in her body. Oh, God. She overdosed. She was always so careful about what she took and how much. Fuckin’ Robb. Wait, what’s that smell?

Smoke? Fire? Oh, God. WAKE UP! Melanie was frozen in place.

“Yes, Fuckin’ Robb. Tell me about him.”

“Help me!, I don’t wanna die.” Melanie pleaded to the stranger.

“Shhh! I won’t let anything happen to you. just as long as you help.” The stranger purred the dark light glinting off of her purple lips. “Tell me about Fuckin’ Robb, we have just oodles of time.” Melanie watched the flames start to rise. It was like watching slow motion footage of a car crash, everything gracefully moving, lapping up into the air.

“I…”Melanie began, quickly turning from the flame to the stranger.

“Tell me. I can just leave you here, you know?”

“Tell me.” She growled

“He’s an ungrateful bastard.” Melanie blurted. Fuck him. he just took the money and ran off, leaving you alone. “I helped make him a cooler person. All he ever did was a bunch of nerdy shit. I had him in the palm of my hand, who doesn’t want that? After he became a girl I…”

“Became a girl, yes, tell me about that.” There was a kind of Cheshire Kitten look to her grin.
“He got shot, I left. He was a girl when I got back. I didn’t believe him at first. Didn’t make any sense at all. But absolutely nobody could have known those things. He was all blond hair and blue eyes, and…”

“OOOH! An Advocate. It’s been sooooo long.” She clapped her hands, jumping up and down “Melanie, this may be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”

“What do you mean?” The stranger came right up to her. Stroking her face. Fear replacing anger in Mel’s face.

“Don’t worry, there won’t be anything to be afraid of. Nothing’s going to hurt you anymore, or ever again.” Melanie saw her body sit up, and walk zombielike to the door.

“You can get them back, get them all back.” She smiled, a grin suddenly voracious. “They will beg for your forgivness. And, you don’t have to give it to them.”

“Who are you?” Melanie asked, both frightened and fascinated

“You can call me Lust. I think we’re going to have some fun together. But first, we’re going to HAVE to do something about that thing you’re wearing.”

* * * * * * * * *

Bobbie had been walking for quite a while. The feeling of wearing a backpack on her front was going away, fading into the ‘new normal’, much like the new sway his hips had. Wearing a backpack helped, providing a counter weight.

Five miles. Where to go? Only know one place. Home. Bobbie thought about everything that had happened. Memories cascaded.

Ten miles, fifteen. The more walking she did, the clearer he felt, smelling the crisp air. There were things about what he was doing that set him on edge. What would he tell them? Well, I could have been Robb’s girlfriend. Rehab?? It would sound good, he reasoned. It would at least sound like I was trying to get better. Yeah, Melanie was cheating on me…him, damn. We met in the rehab clinic. For what, though? Painkillers? Black Tar Heroin?

What if they didn’t buy it? What if the records or ID didn’t work. What if Melanie came back? All of these questions were asked, but went away as he stood there. He had blindly gone to the one place in the universe that, while you can occupy its space again, it’s never the same.

Home.

He knocked on the door, and waited. Then she answered. She stood there looking at him, with no recognition in her eyes.

Here Goes, and before any rational thought occurred. Bobbie leapt forward. “Oh, God. Mom.” She whimpered, and hugged her. Startled, the woman eased and returned the embrace.

“Mom? Do I know you? Are you one of Kim’s friends?”

Composing herself, Bobbie let the tears that were threatening to burst go. “No, I’m…I… I mean I was Robb’s Girlfriend. He’s… He’s.”

The woman’s face twisted. She collapsed to her knees. “NO!” She cried. Bobbie moved forward.

“He wanted me to…” It was her turn she hugged Bobbie, who hugged back. Bobbie’s voice went unheard. It felt like a geological age before either of them moved.

She looked at Bobbie, wiped her eyes, smiled lightly. “Why don’t you come in?”

Bobbie walked into the house he had grown up in… Robb had grown up in. He stood in the room where, years ago, he had screamed and screamed. In a way, it was good to be back. In another, it felt very strange and awkward. The furniture was different. The carpet the same, memories hung there like so many dust motes.

“God, when he was a kid it was all movies and comics. I knew the other kids thought of him as a nerd. I felt sorry for him. But when he brought…” Her mouth moved like something distasteful was in it. “…That girl, Michelle?”

“Melanie.” Bobbie said, nodding. “He told me about her. He wasn’t happy about how things ended with her. And what she wound up doing to all three of you.”

“How did they end?” Sylvia asked.

Bobbie exhaled , crossed her legs and hoped for the best.

She told him about how Robb knew that Mel was cheating on him. How they had met at a rehab clinic, both seeking treatment in the medical wing due a former partner’s indiscretion. She talked about how he tried to clean up, and get himself together. He was clean and about to start working, when the accident happened. With nobody around to make the decision, he’d been cremated. His ashes scattered in the Mojave desert.

“Because.” Bobbie admitted with a wan smile.” That’s where they shot the jet car sequence in.”

“…Buckaroo Banzai. God, he loved that movie.

“He wanted to come back. He felt so bad about the way he left things with you and Kim. Before he died… He wanted to come back to you so badly, always told me what he wanted to say. ‘No matter where you go… there you are’ Does that mean anything to you?... umm.” The act seemed to be working, so far

Sylvia chuckled through the tears.”Sylvia, please. It’s from the same movie. When his father was alive, they would watch it together every weekend... I know the quote. Still don’t think I’ve seen the whole thing”

The door suddenly opened. “Hi, Mom.” It was Kim. Bobbie remembered Kim just four years ago, pigtails and dresses. The teenaged girl before him looked radically different. Skinny jeans, brown hair cut into a faux hawk, Ear plugs and a Laberet piercing. A pink camouflage babydoll shirt that read “GRRL ARMY” emblazoned on the front.

“This is…”

“Kim?” Bobbie asked. Kim was taken aback. It had only been four years. Seeing her now, Bobbie really wanted to know about those four years. With the guitar slung on her back, she looked ready to trash an expensive hotel room.

“Kim, dear. Come sit. I think we need to talk. It’s about Robb.”

Kim slowly lowered herself to the sofa. It could only be one thing. How did it happen? She wondered. Overdose? Robbery? It didn’t matter to her. She just wanted to hear him call her Kimster again. Her face contorted as she started to cry, her head in her hands. Bobbie went to put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. She batted it away angrily. She spun while standing, grabbed Bobbie by the shoulders, shaking her.

“Where is she?” Kim hissed through clenched teeth. “I’ll… I’ll.” From anger to tears, a switch was flipped. Bobbie reached out and hugged Kim. “Robb.” She sobbed.

“It wasn’t her, Kim. It was a car accident.” Sylvia said, she hated seeing Kim this way, the anger that constantly simmered beneath her surface. And now, with Robb gone she feared that Kim’s anger might stay

“He was so sorry. He wasn’t even mad at you. He always said if there was one thing that he could take back. It would be the last thing he said to you. He knew things were screwed up. He only wanted to come home.”

Kim let go of Bobbie, grabbed her wrist. Sniffing, she said. “Mom we’ll be back.” So, she still did that, Bobbie mused. Grabbing him and leading him to whatever it was she wanted to show him. Bobbie felt like Robb did for a moment, being pulled along. It felt good, familiar.

“Kim.” Sylvia exclaimed.

“It’s okay, Mom. “She shouted over her shoulder. And, just like that, Sylvia was left alone in the house. She had to admit, at least Robert had straightened out there near the end. What had Robb said to Bobbie about them? She needed to know.

But, she mused, at least now she could know. Bobbie seemed nice. At least someone could fill her in about her son. Once a block had passed, Kim turned around and looked keenly. Pulled a pack of Newports out of her pocket and fumbled with the lighter. She lit the cigarette. The light flickering, highlighting her red eyes. She inhaled and exhaled twice in rapid succession.

Wanting to break the ice, Bobbie said. “You think I can get one of those?”

Kim looked at her suspiciously, flipped open the pack and offered her one. Her lighter was out by the time Bobbie had the cigarette in her mouth. Leaning in to the lighter, Kim said. “Bobbie, tell me what happened.”

Bobbie inhaled, the smoke burned her throat, the menthol flavor doing nothing to make it easy. She coughed lightly. Kim chuckled.

“Not much of a smoker, huh? You’re not his type, y’know. Blond, way too hot. Too much of a good girl. How did you know him?”

“Met at a clinic.” Bobbie waved the cigarette. “Melanie gave him something. We were trying to get him clean and back to school. His death came out of nowhere. It’s hard to believe that Robb’s gone.” It was so weird to say that.

“Oh, how I wish she were here. “ She let the cigarette dangle from her lips as she smacked a palm with her fist.” She flicked the cigarette away. “I wish I could have seen him one more time. Wish he could meet me now. So much has changed.”

“Yeah,” Bobbie said, inhaling on the cigarette again. She looked at it distastefully, stepped on it. “What happened with you? From what he told me you should be sporting a pair of pom poms by now.

Kim grinned a lopsided grin. “I’m gay. He wouldn’t have known. I only came out last year.” She chuckled. “Decided I liked girls more.”

“How did Mo… um… Sylvia take it.”

Kim looked at her unevenly. “Did you just almost call her ‘Mom’?”

Shit!,”Ummm, I…I.” Bobbie stammered.

Like a flurry, Kim was on him. Bringing her right foot around Bobbie’s left and positioned her hand for a blow to the chest.

Bobbie saw it in slow motion, she brought her right foot back and absorbed the blow on her left breast, but the leg sweep failed. As it happened, she was amazed at how quickly it all came back, and how quickly she was able to call her limbs back into position.

“Ow.” Bobbie said, rubbing her chest. It hurt, much like a kick in the groin used to. Only, somewhere else.

“Okay, what’s going on? He taught me that, not much else. But I haven’t lost a fight yet.”

“Kimster.” Bobbie whispered, tears brimming.

“Did he tell you that, too?” She moved in again. Raising her fist for another attack

Bobbie brought up her hands. “No, no”

“Who are you. What do you want?”

“It’s like I said, really. I’m here to fix what Robb broke. I think I’m the only one who can.” Kim lowered her hands. “No Matter where you go…”

”… there you are, right?” Kim said, softening. “I guess. You only get where you’re going by being where you’ve gone.

Bobbie’s eyes widened. “You saw that?”

“After he left, I watched his movies, read his books, stole his cds. I just wanted to feel close to him again. I missed him, the asshole.” Kim said, sniffing back tears. “C’mon, we should head back. There’s something you should see.”

She grabbed Bobbie’s wrist again and ran back to the house. They re entered the house, Kim bolting up the stairs, Bobbie in tow. “Taking Bobbie into Robb’s room.” Up the stairs they went and then into the second door on the left, Kim opened the door.

It was just like Robb left it. DVDs, videogames, comic books, The Bettie Page poster on the wall. Bobbie walked in, stunned. Was he so mad at the time? God, why am I so emotional? As if in a trance, Bobbie opened the top drawer of the dresser.

I wonder if it’s still there? She reached up inside to the secret spot, and pulled out a rolled up piece of paper. Unrolling it, she was stunned to see that it read “Drugs are bad, m’kay.”

Kim’s eyes went wide, she turned around and closed the door.

“Okay, there’s no reason you should know about that. I got rid of that joint and left that note there. I knew he’d find it. “If he ever came back.” She said quietly. She looked up at Bobbie, eyes narrowing.

“Who are you. Really? I scream, and Mom’ll…”

Fuck it, I need someone. Please let her believe me.

“Kimster, it’s me. Robb.”

“Bullshit. That’s not possible. It’s just… not.”

“And yet, here I am.”

Kim reached forward and squeezed Bobbie’s breasts.

“Hey,” Bobbie said, trying to slap her hands away. Seizing the opportunity Bobbie pinned her to the wall with the ‘spider’ hold, just like he did when they were kids.

“You never could get out of this. So just listen. For once, listen to me. I am in here, you’ve gotta believe me. You’ve got to” Bobbie pleaded. “I just really needed…” As the crying started, Bobbie loosened her grip. She collapsed on Kim.

“Oh, Kimster. I needed you guys… Mom.” Bobbie flopped down on the floor. Head in her hands. “I don’t know what to do.” That moment crystallized it for Kim.

Trust. Automatic, unflinching trust. The kind of trust she had been unable to have with anyone else, not since…

“Robb?” She smiled, she saw it. It was him in there. Had to be. The joint, Kimster, calling Sylvia ‘mom’. The ‘Spider’ hold. It made absolutely zero sense, but this girl who called herself ‘Bobbie’ was her brother. “Oh, God. Robb.” She flung herself to him and clung tightly. “What happened?”

Bobbie looked at his sister. “I got shot in a robbery with Mel. I just remember being cold and there being a lot of blood. Then this… Wait a minute. Just like that? You believe me?”

Kim punched him in the chest, again.

“Ow, stop doing that.”

“Regular girl would’ve tried to hit me. You walk kind of like a guy, you knew about the hidden joint.” She ticked off the reasons on the fingers of one hand. “Maybe I don’t believe you, and this is all part of my devious plan to get you into my evil clutches.” Kim leaned in, as if to kiss.

Bobbie let Kim go and released her. “Jesus, Kimster I’m your…”

“And there’s the clincher.” To punctuate, Kim punched him in the opposite breast. “I Can’t very well kick you in the balls, can I. You fucking jerk.” She hugged him again. “Besides, you had to be telling the truth. How could you not wanna get with this?” Kim flaunted her body. “Bee Tee Double Ewe, you’re really cute, bro.”

“Thanks.”Bobbie said dryly. “I think I died, but then I woke up like this.” Having this conversation was hard enough. She wasn’t even going to try to explain Justice.
“Like a second chance?” Kim grinned. “Cool. I get my brother back. Well, sort of.”

“Let’s not get too excited. I still don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t have a place to live. I just barely got a new license. I knew I had to come here first, I needed to apologize to you both. I didn’t really mean what I said, I needed to say I’m sorry. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I am going to finish school, this time though.”

“Place to live, huh? I think I might be able to arrange that. I’ll talk Mom into it. Since you left, it’s just been the two of us. And, to answer your earlier question. Mom didn’t handle my gayness very well, not at all. But, she also didn’t want to lose both of us, she just kind of let me be. I think she finally accepted it.”

She hugged Bobbie again. “I’m so glad you’re here.” The embrace tightened. “But, if you ever die like that again. I’ll kill you.” They both laughed.

“And, well…” Bobbie suddenly flushed, the red showing against the smooth, alabaster skin. “I’ve gotta be honest with you, Kimster. This whole ‘girl’ thing.” She sighed exasperated.

“What do you mean?” Kim asked.

Bobbie looked at her embarrassed. “I had a period the day after it happened. I thought I was going to die… again. I freaked out. Melanie showed me how to sort of deal with it. But”

Kim laughed, a lot louder than she should have. “I’m sorry.” The laughing continued. She wiped her eyes. “I just can’t picture…” Still chuckling. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it. Bro.” Kim said reassuringly deepening her voice as she finished.

Bobbie wished everyone would stop saying that.

“You know I’m going to spend hours messing with you, right?”

Bobbie Glared at her.

“You know that ‘Scanners’ shit isn’t real right?”

“Yeah? Neither is having your ‘y’ chromosome grow another leg.” Bobbie said, relieved that he open up to someone.

“Fair enough.” Kim surveyed the body her brother now inhabited.

“There is one thing I’ve wanted to ask you for years.” Kim said

“Sure, what?”

“Can I have your Bettie Page poster?” Kim asked sheepishly

Bobbie laughed, happy to see her sister acting happy. “Sure.”

“C’mon, Juete.”

“Hey,” Bobbie shot back. “Juete had pink eyes, mine are blue…”

They went back downstairs.

* * * * * * * * * * *
Sylvia ordered pizza and they ate and talked, just the girls. It was nice to see Kim not being angsty for once. She and Bobbie were getting along. It did her heart good. She had brought down some boxes from the attic. “These are all of his old stories, school papers, and book reports. I…I just wanted him to come back.”

Was he still writing?”

She kept all those, really?

“He was trying, wasn’t really finding anything that worked. I think that what happened with you threw off his rhythm. “ She took some of the old pages out. Bobbie stared at them incredulously.

“I can’t believe you kept these.” Bobbie felt herself wanting to cry, again.
“Of course, he was my little boy,” Sylvia cried. Bobbie put out a hand. “And now he’s…” Her voice broke

“It’s okay. It wasn’t anything you did. He just wanted to be wanted. He was always so alone…” Bobbie started to speak. She went on for about an hour, with eloquence about Robb’s shortcomings. Bobbie saw them with such striking clarity. When it was over, Sylvia was all cried out. But felt better than she had in the whole time he’d been gone, and went to bed feeling lighter than in recent memory. Kim offered some room space to Bobbie. “We’ve got a lot to talk about, Bobbie and I.”

Kim stayed up late with Bobbie. She snuck out of the window of her room to sit on the roof. Bobbie went with her.

“So, when did you start smoking?” Bobbie asked Kim.

“When I stole your pack right before you left.” She giggled, inhaling.

“You know that’s bad for you, Right?”

“Not as bad. See, lights? And you should talk. How do you like being a girl?”

Bobbie shrugged. “I’m not sure ‘like’ is the right word. I mean, it’s still difficult to remember to sit to pee. It’s been a rollercoaster these last few days. I was watching TV and I cried over that damn Sarah Machlachan commercial with the hurt animals.”

Kim nodded and smoked in silence

“Everybody cries at that commercial. So, do you like guys now or what?” She said, sending pieces of silence scattered by her warhammer.

The question took Bobbie aback. “I… I don’t know. Haven’t really thought about it much. I did some stuff with Melanie after…” She waved her hand up and down. “This. Honestly I only remember part of it. She … we… I took ecstasy.”

“Just wondered. Y’know. Though maybe we could check out girls.” Wanted to do that with you since I found out I was gay.” She reached over and grabbed Bobbie’s ponytail. “C’mon Whaddaya say? We get you a pixie cut and some Birkenstocks. And we can listen to Melissa Etheridge and The Indigo Girls all day.” She dropped the still smoldering butt into the coffee can she kept there for that exact reason.

Bobbie chuckled. “It’s casual. Let’s get some other things sorted out. First, I wanna finish school. I’m going to finish something. I feel so much better now that Mel’s gone”

“School?” Kim lit another cigarette.” You could always go back to Delacroix. Things are different now. “

“No shit.” Bobbie said.

“No, really. There are more people like you used to be there now. Somehow, being a little geeky became cool. Plus, you look like that. The greatest fortress is to be found in the love of the people and all that…”

“Besides.” She smacked her fist into her palm. “They’ll have to deal with me this time.”

Bobbie looked at her, eyebrow raised.” Yeah, I’ll be the first guy to say “I’m gonna get my little sister to beat you up.” They both snorted with laughter.

“You’re not a guy.” Kim reminded her. “Maybe you should learn all the Penny Priddy quotes.”

“Yeah, I wanted to ask you. Buckaroo Banzai? The Man Who Never Missed? Bug bit you, huh?”

“Yeah, some.” She smirked. “Hey, you like some cool shit.”

“And the bass?”

“Oh, that. Just picked it up. Been playing for about two years. Started the band with some girls I met through Facebook. Y’know I wrote like five songs about you after you left?”

Bobbie smiled. “Really?’

“Yeah, you big jerk. I was so fucking mad at you. Choosing Melanie…”

“Over it now, completely.”

“No, ‘Choosing Melanie’ was one of the songs.” Bobbie looked down.

“I’m sorry.” She breathed

“Look. I think I can get Mom to let you stay here. There’s plenty of space. And, quite frankly, Mom needs another girl around. We’ll go out tomorrow, I’ve got practice, you can come with me. Meet the other girls. Once we get you integrated, this should be fun.”

Integrated? Bobbie sensed a project, he was wishing that there could be an 80s movie montage that would just leave everything finished. But if she was going to get a new life, she had to start somewhere.

Chapter 5

“I fucking want his head, her head, whatever.” The One Who Was Melanie said, rage coloring every fiber of her being.” Her body swayed, the difference in it’s weight and proportion still new to her. Still riding the waves of hate from Lust, all of her senses were in overdrive.

“And you’ll have her, But you need to be patient. We can both get everything we want.”

The One Who Was Melanie looked at the mirror. Her features had softened, the damage from the drugs disappearing. Her face had changed, as had her skin, deepening to a golden hue. Her was body more supple, voluptuous. Her hair had changed to a vibrant red; all of her tattoos had disappeared save one. The ‘tramp stamp’ remained save one difference.

Some purple Kanji characters sat in the center now.

欲望: The characters for Lust.

Lust looked at The One Who Was Melanie. “We are going…” Lust slinked forward, raising her arms to feel her newest work press against her body

“..to take.” She slid an arm around her waist.

“Her world.” She bent in to Not-Melanie’s face.

“Apart.” Lust kissed her passionately. The anticipation warming her loins in a way not felt since the last Thrall didn’t work out. She thought of Faye. How she figured it out was beyond her. But, that plan would have to wait for the moment.

Yes, Lust. OOH! The One Who Was Melanie thought. This was better than drugs, lost as she was in Lust’s grip. Pleasure tingling every ending of every nerve. Lust smiled. She knew that The One That Was Melanie knew the Advocate, could help find and defeat her. It was just a matter of time.

And Lust had all the time in the world.

* * * * * * * * * * * *
Sylvia woke up early the next morning to the sounds and smells of frying bacon and coffee. When she came down, there was Kim sitting at the counter, drinking coffee.

“Hi, Mom.” She said. “Bobbie thought we’d like breakfast.

“Smells good. “ Sylvia said. Kim was already moving to get her mother’s coffee.”What are we having?” She said, stifling a yawn.

Bobbie was jumping around. Kim had put her band’s disc on. The music orchestrated her movement as she skipped around like a ninja on a hot tin roof. Things were flipped and moved with a minimum of effort. There was a style to movement now. Bobbie still remembered Robb, the memories so much easier to grab now. She glided around the kitchen, flipping pancakes, making omelets and plating with an ease that surprised even her.

Sylvia looked at the plate, containing a small vegetable omelet, two pancakes, two slices of bacon, and hash browns. “How long have you two been up?”

“Not long.” Bobbie yelled. Sheepishly, she turned down the music “Sorry, Sylvia. Only about an hour”

She nodded, sipping coffee. “I know all those songs, they used to practice here.” She dug into the omelet. Her eyes opened. “Mmm. This is delicious. You did all this in an hour? What.. “

“Eat mom. I finished mine already. Try the pancakes.” Kim said, grinning. Sylvia looked at her daughter. When was the last time she saw Kim grin like that? The pancakes were creamy, fluffy, and delicious.

“Oh, my gosh. Bobbie, you’re a wonderful cook. Who taught you?”

She added half and half to a cup. “Hmmm?” She looked around at Sylvia and Kim. Lost in seeing them all together, there was a love and joy that replaced the hollowness. This is what was missing, from Mel’s presence,s he decided.

“Me? Oh, no one. Just call it a knack.” She said, sipping coffee and crunching a piece of bacon.

“Mom, Bobbie and I were talking. She’s almost done with school. D’ya think we can keep her?”

Bobbie spluttered. “Kim, I…”

“Mom, she came here just to tell us about Robert, she’s got no one to go back to. She needs to finish school. I think she’ll be good to have around.

She nodded. “You stay in school.” She looked down at the plate, It was gone. She was full from breakfast, but felt… somehow complete. Kim was probably right. “And you keep cooking, and you’ve got a deal.”

Kim looked at her mother.” Wow, that was easy.”

Bobbie would be good to have around. Sylvia decided. Kim looked… not so angry. She had to admit that she herself felt comfortable around Bobbie immediately, even though she couldn’t understand why. It made no sense, but it felt right having her here.

“Good, now that that’s settled. I’ve got band practice today. Bobbie’s gonna come with me, meet the other recruits.” Bobbie went up and changed back into the jeans and t-shirt she had in the bag she came with.

After leaving, Kim looked at Bobbie. “We need to build you a life. Clothes, friends, everything. Nobody’s gonna believe that you just came up out of the concrete. You don’t even have a facebook profile or a phone. Don’t worry, Robb. This is going to be so much easier than it was last time.”

Bobbie gave a sideways look, eyes narrowed to the width of dental floss.

Kim laughed. “I said easier, I didn’t say it was going to be easy. No matter where you go, remember?”

“Umm Kim. I think it would be better if you just called me Bobbie from now on. ‘Robb’ just sounds weird now.” Bobbie chuckled.

“What’s so funny?” Kim asked shaking a Newport out of the pack.

“Melanie gave me that name. Seems like the only thing she was right about.”

I am Bobbie Sharpe. She thought. And, I’m going to be a good person.

Chapter 6

Bobbie had some cash left from retaining Frank’s services. Not much, about $900. It was still sitting in ‘Robb’s’ wallet.

“Nice.”Kim said.” Boba Fett wallet. That was weird… you know, with mom back there.”

“I just think she felt some part of me in here still.” Bobbie said. “So, where are we going exactly? I mean now that you’ve got me out here and all.“

“Told you, band practice. You need to meet the others. Let’s just rip that band aid off now.” Kim said, flipping out her phone. “Call Heather.”

“Hey, I’m bringing someone…. No, I’m pretty sure that she’s okay.” She looked at Bobbie. “You guys are gonna wanna meet her anyway. Kaybai.”

“’Rip that band aid off’?” Bobbie eyed his sister suspiciously. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Well, that’s the thing about us. We kinda don’t fit. We’re all different. See, that’s the philosophy of the band. We’re GRRL ARMY, we are all different kinds of girls, and that makes us different. But we’re all girls, and that makes us the same. Well, Bobbie. What kind of girl are you?

“It doesn’t matter what kind of girl you are, just be the best kind of whatever girl you want to be.”

Bobbie whistled. “That’s some deep thought. Worthy of Dr. Banzai.”

“I am occasionally brilliant.” Kim said, shrugging.

“So, what happened after you left?” Kim asked.

“Lotsa drugs, lotsa sex, lotsa criminal shit. When you’re high, things just kinda, I dunno, slip by. I thought I was happy, but now.” It was Bobbies turn to shrug. “I’m not sure what kind of girl I am yet. There’s just so many things. I…”

“Don’t worry, Bro…obbie. You might learn a lot. How many guys get this opportunity? I mean, if this kind of thing happened often, we’d hear about it right?” She deepened her voice. “In a secret government base, top soldiers were transformed into women…” Kim laughed loudly. “That sounds like the worst movie ever…”

“It could work as a comedy. “Bobbie sighed, “But this,” Bobbie covered his breasts. “Isn’t so funny. I mean to live with.”

“I see what you mean. Don’t worry. I’m sure this will all work out.”

The house loomed in front of them as Kim and Bobbie strolled up to the door. Kim’s guitar looking like a samurai sword in the shadow. She knocked.

The door opened, and a dark haired girl who was obviously living in the wrong decade stood there, in an ensemble that looked more at home on Rita Hayworth or Jane Russell. A large, purple flower attached to the left side of her head.

“Hey, Heather. This is Bobbie, she’s new around here. So, I thought I would introduce her to the most kickass band in all of Delacroix.” Kim watched as Heather studied Bobbie.

“Yeah,” Heather looked over her sunglasses at Bobbie. “Everyone’s here already. To the garage!” Heather’s dress twirled as she spun.

“Oh, boy. You’re in for it now.” Kim whispered.

Bobbie shot a confused glance at Kim.

“If she looks over her glasses at you. It means she sees a challenge.”

“Challenge?” Bobbie didn’t like the sound of that. But before she could ask about what that meant, the garage came into view. The garage looked like a common garage. Old sofa. Musical equipment. Off in the corner was a full length mirror. Next to it was a sewing table, littered with scraps of fabric.

“Bobbie, this is Bella on Drums” The blonde at the drum kit brought up her hand and flashed the devil horns. “…and Amber on lead guitar.” The redhead nodded. They wore similar GRRL ARMY shirts. “ Kim said, indicating the girls in turn. “You met Heather.”

Heather was crossing over to Bobbie. Removing her sunglasses, she took a good look at her. Sizing her up as if for a fight. She walked up to Bobbie, nervousness flooding her.

Wait, is this like, girl hazing or something? Heather reached up and pulled the scrunchie from her hair. “Hey, I…” She ran her hands through Bobbie’s hair.

Heather opened her mouth, and Bobbie heard a beautiful mezzo soprano voice say. “You have beautiful eyes.” She moved hair out of Bobbie’s face. “Striking features. Hmm…Bangs. Definitely bangs”

“Excuse me, I…” Bobbie was a little shocked by the sudden attention

“No earrings?” Heather said, shocked. “Where did you come from?”

“Jesus fuck, Heather. You’ve only just fuckin’ met her. Give her some fuckin’ time before you mercilessly rearrange her look.” Said Bella, resting her arms on the drum kit.

“Well, excuse me.” Heather said. “I see someone in need and I help. Oh, honey. Who did those eyebrows? And the shirt… none of this stuff fits right at all. Kim, you did the right thing bringing her here. C’mon.”

Bobbie followed along, was that what his life had been like? Constantly pulled this way and that. Heather stopped at the wardrobe, flinging it open.

“So, are you a zero or a one?” Heather asked

“Is that a computer joke?” Bobbie asked blankly

“What’s your size?” Heather responded like one would a slow dog.

“Never did much shopping outside of shirts and jeans.”

Heather eyed Bobbie suspiciously.

“Oh,” Bobbie said. Remembering what Melanie said it was. “zero.”

“I think,” She said, glancing at Bobbie as she flipped through the dresses. “Yeah, blue… definitely blue.” She pulled a blue dress out and thrust it at Bobbie. “Put this on.”

Bobbie looked at Kim pleadingly. Amber broke the silence. “Fuck, Heather. We gonna practice or play dress up? Bobbie, she doesn’t have a concept of personal fucking space, sees everyone as the next makeover project.” She sighed. “You better go fuckin’ put it on, or we’ll never get started.

Bobbie pulled off her top, revealing the bra that obviously was slightly off in the size department. The undergarment sagged some, her nipples becoming visible.

“Ummmm, Bobbie?” Heather began. When Bobbie turned to answer, Heather shielded her eyes. She pointed without looking. “There’s a changing screen over there. Put the girls away.”

“Damn, Bobbie.” Amber said. “You got balls.” She turned to Kim. “I like her.”

Bobbie inwardly grumbled at the mention of balls.

Hugging the dress to her chest, Bobbie went behind the changing screen. It took a couple of minutes to get settled. How in the hell do you put this thing on.? She thought. If you had told me a week ago that I’d be talking to my mom and sister again, but standing here, trying to figure out how to put a dress on. She fed her legs into it, pulling the garment up over her breasts.

“You need help?” Heather asked. “I think maybe I made that zipper too long.”

Sure enough, Bobbie couldn’t reach it. Sigh.” Yeah, I just… can’t” Suddenly Heather was behind him, pulling up the zipper.

“Pour yourself a drink, put on some lipstick, and pull yourself together. Liz Taylor said that. Smart girl. Life is too short to look normal. Stand out, declare your personness to the world.” Heather said with a flourish. ZIP! “Turn around, let’s see.” Bobbie threaded her arms through the straps.

Heather admired her work. “I think that is a massive improvement. Blue is certainly your color. Brings out those eyes…”

“Fuck, Heather. Can’t you see she’s embarrassed.” Amber asked, pushing up her glasses

Bobbie was blushing, red creeping into her face. The openness of the bottom was all kinds of breezy, the fabric sensually brushed against her smooth legs. She knew she was covered in the important places, she felt almost naked.

“That’ll do for now.” Heather stepped back. “Much better, okay. Carry on.”

The hum of an amp was heard as Kim plugged her bass into the Marshall Half-Stack, and started playing the bass solo from Rush’s Freewill. Bobbie recognized it, nodded. Heather grabbed her keytar and slung it, The pink camouflage of the strap standing out against Heather’s dress.

“Alright, it’s about fuckin’ time.” Amber said, turning one of the tuning pegs on her Fender. “What are we playin’ first?”

Kim, finishing the bass solo with only a few mistakes, turned to Heather. “Choosing Melanie, I think Bobbie needs to hear that.”

“1…2…1…2…3…4.” Bella started, knocking her drumsticks together as the base, guitar, drums and keyboard all came together. Bobbie listened. It was an angry song, about being jilted and left alone in the world. To Bobbie’s ears, it seemed more like a song about alienation, about having the only light in your world turned off.

And with that, she knew. Felt what Robb had done to his sister. Her eyes misted.

Kimster. I never meant to do that to you.

…Then you turned around and left with that bitch

Knew I’d have to find a way to scratch my own itch.

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Heather’s scream… well, for lack of a better term, Bobbie jumped. It was the eldritch scream of angrydeathscreamometal And Bobbie couldn’t believe it came out of Heather. The song finished. Heather smiled at Bobbie. “I guess I should have told you about that. No one ever sees it coming. Girl needs to keep some secrets.” She batted her eyelashes.

After a few more songs, the band broke for lunch. Lunch consisted of frozen pizza and Diet Coke, and the discussion turned to Bobbie.

“What grade are you in?”

“Why don’t you have your ears pierced?”

On and on, Bobbie sat silently, sipping her soda. Well, Bobbie, she thought, what kind of girl do you want to be?

“Oh,” Bobbie looked down. She hoped that this story would hold. “My parents were in some cult. No makeup, no fiction, you get the idea. When I got old enough, I…I ran away. I met Robb,” She felt weird, talking about him as a regular person.

“Hang on, I’ll be right back.” Heather said, suddenly getting up, forgetting the half slice of pizza. She disappeared out the door.

“Now you’ve gone and done it. So much for practice…” Bella said, resting her sticks on the snare.

Before Bobbie could ask what that meant, Heather came in carrying what looked like tackle boxes for fishing. “Project.” Kim whispered in her ear. Bobbie remembered what Melanie had put him through, and felt a twinge of trepidation.

“Don’t worry. I got this look from her.” Kim said, as if to reassure. “From the hair to the pants, she’s got style.”

“…Something I am willing to give to you.” Heather said opening the box. “Now, this isn’t gonna hurt a bit.”

“OW, fuck.” Bobbie exclaimed, drawing surprised stares.

*

Her ears hurt dully. Bobbie resisted the urge to touch them. They looked good, she had to admit that. Kim and Bobbie walked back home. Heather had insisted that she wear the dress, stating that the clothes she came in should be burned.

“Yeah, Heather’s like that. But, hey, I wouldn’t be this sexy thing without her help. Earrings look good.” Robb hadn’t let Melanie pierce his ear, that being one thing he stood up for himself on. And yet, here was Bobbie with a matching set of studs.

Kim lit a cigarette and said, “She’s right, you know. If you’re gonna go back to school. You’re gonna have to…”

And suddenly, she remembered High School…

…as Robb

His obscure t shirts winning him derisive comments, his awkward nature and vocabulary not there for the assist, it was a terrible almost four years.

“You’re gonna need more clothes than you have. How are you for… you know… girl stuff?’

“Just that bag. 3 panties, 2 bras, 2 shirts, 2 pants, some socks, and these shoes.” Clothes shopping, ugh, just kill me now. “Oh, God.” Bobbie lamented.

“Well, I think we should probably hit the mall tomorrow. You have any cash?”

“Yeah, about $900. Everything I have in the world is in my bag.

“Where did you get $900?” Kim asked, eyes wide.

“You remember when I said I did some stuff with Melanie? It was on a webcam show.” Bobbie stopped, looked at her feet.

“You little slut.” Kim said jokingly. When Bobbie started to cry, Kim, seeing what she had done, flipped her cigarette away and rushed to her ‘brother’(sister). “Oh, jeez, fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean… Oh, shit.”

Bobbie returned the hug. Ragged sobs and torrential tears shook and flooded Kim’s shoulder as Bobbie explained. “… I felt, I don’t know… used, taken advantage of. Plus, I was rollin’ pretty hard. It just felt… wrong.” That also being the moment when he saw his life as the sum of wasted time, meshed the two into a weird miasma of failure and regret.

“Maybe we could go, just you and me?” Bobbie asked, memories of school shopping with his mother leaping into memory.

“Ahh, that might not be too good an idea. Heather pretty much defined my look, I don’t go shopping without her anymore. She seems to know what she’s doing. Y’know, you might just wanna let her make you over. School doesn’t start for a few days yet. That dress is definitely a keeper.” She leered at Bobbie.

“Kim, Jesus.” Bobbie wished he could pull the hem of the dress down further.

“Hey, ‘Robb’ may be in there, but that body, hawt!” Kim said sheepishly, then smiled.

“Didn’t think I was you’re type? What was it you said ‘too much of a good girl’?”

“Honestly,” Kim began, “I don’t really know what my type is. Oh, God, I hope I’m not into good girls. Or maybe…” An evil, sly grin looked out from behind her face. “I’ll get to corrupt them.” Bobbie and Kim both laughed as they continued their way home.

Entering the house, Kim bolted up the stairs. The door to ‘Robb’s’ room was open. Sylvia was putting sheets and blankets on the bed, something that obviously hadn’t been done for a while.”Oh, there…” She gasped. “Bobbie! You’re stunning.” She turned to Kim. “Heather, right?”

Kim looked at her. “Who else hasn’t figured out what decade she’s in?.”

Sylvia nodded approvingly. “I just thought, we should move this stuff out.”

Great, back to my room. “Hold it. You don’t have to get rid of it. I’d kind of like to see some of the things he told me about.”

“Yeah, Mom. Let’s just leave it. I’m sure Bobbie will find some use for it.” She glanced sideways at Bobbie.

“Well, if you’re sure.” Sylvia said, encasing a pillow in its case. Bobbie went in a trance to his old DVD of Buckaroo Banzai, he picked up, fingered the spine.

“No matter where you go…”She breathed.

“There you are.” Sylvia finished, choking back a sob.

Keeping the DVD in her hand, Bobbie hugged Sylvia. “I know… I know.”

Kim joined the hug. Bobbie was the first to laugh. “Why don’t we go downstairs, I can get dinner done, and we can watch it. Have you seen it?”

“Not all at once.” Sylvia admitted. “But, you know what? I’m game.’

Bobbie went through the kitchen. Hmmm, eggs, ground beef, crackers, potatoes… meatloaf. She began mixing the ingredients as the oven heated. Turning on the radio, she stopped at KGIG, the dance pop station. Some throbbing bass and keyboard loops stopped her, she synced her movements to the music. Lost in the beat and the act of creating, Bobbie felt… connected, to everything, in a way that seemed to put her in phase with the heartbeat of the world.

…As if listening to the Music of the Spheres.

Before she knew it, it was a waiting game for the forces of heat to do it’s work on the meat. After it finished, Bobbie took it out of the oven and allowed it to rest. She served out three portions, inserted the DVD and watched ‘Robb’s’ Favorite film, with his sister and mother. Sylvia laughed in most of the right places, punctuated with “That’s, (insert name of random actor here.)” When it finished, she declared it weird, but good. She saw why her son loved it so.

“Mom, Bobbie and I were wondering if we could hit the mall tomorrow? With school starting soon, she’s going to need clothes, and we should probably set up Robb’s old desktop.” Kim said, using her persuasive voice.

“Sure,” Sylvia laughed, “Let me just…” she said, moving toward the dishes.

“Mom, it’s cool, we got this.” Kim said, indicating herself and Bobbie. Sylvia stretched herself out, said goodnight, and went off to bed.

Later that night, Kim and Bobbie went off to the rooftop again.

“Okay. “Kim began. “Looks like we are a wardrobe and room straightening from getting you into the realm of ‘normal’” She made quotation marks with her fingers.

“I’d kind of like to still have some Robb in here.” Bobbie tapped her head.

“Bro, ‘some’ Robb? What is it exactly that you want to keep? Your clothes? Interests? Sorry, dude, the clothes don’t fit. Interests, on the other hand…” Kim waved her hand dismissively. “None of that shit really matters anymore. Yeah, there’s still jocks and cheerleaders, drama nerds, all that shit. But it’s like everybody is allowed to like everything now. Where did this cooking thing come from by the way?”

“I don’t know really, I was watching some Cooking Channel and looking up recipes for cookies. Next thing I know, I’m reading up on cooking methods… It just kinda seemed to stick.”

“Yeah? Well, we don’t normally eat this well around here. I might get fat.” Kim put her hands on her stomach. Bobbie chuckled

Kim extinguished her cigarette. “Well, we should get to bed. Big day tomorrow.”

Bobbie sighed. “Yeah.”

Chapter 7

The next day had everyone up early and ready to lead their assault on the edifice of consumerism that was Delacroix Mall. As the trio passed the entrance, Bobbie noticed the mass of long haired, shabby clothed, skater “dudes” that laid claim to the mall. Bobbie noticed one of them, while he was dressed like them and had the same mannerisms, he just didn’t belong. A darkness hung around him like a comfortable cloak. Bobbie hadn’t seen anything like it. It just seemed so… wrong. Shrugging it off, Bobbie walked in her ill-fitting ‘Robb’ clothes. She realized she kind of looked like them. One caught her looking, nodded approvingly. He pointed Bobbie out to the rest, causing their attention to shift focus. Bobbie just ignored them.

They went and found Bobbie easy to shop for, picking up enough bras and panties to get her through at least a week. Bobbie realized that while ‘Robb’ would have been bored stiff, this was different. When school shopping all those years ago, it was all pants and shirts, which all pretty much look the same. She’d seen the necessity of bras as soon as she put one on. The new ones fit better than the ones Melanie had picked up, so had the panties for that matter.

They passed a cell phone kiosk, where Sylvia had said Bobbie needed a phone. Bobbie insisted on paying for it, Sylvia wouldn’t hear of it. “You took care of Robert as he was getting better. This is the least I can do.” She looked at the two of them “Who’s hungry?”

They were in the food court, sitting with their Bamboo Panda boxes. Bobbie found the food pleasant, which was strange because it was never something she liked before. In fact, after Kim asked about the cooking last night, it struck her.

…The connectedness she felt.

…The Completeness.

…The Joy.

Cooking, huh? Bobbie mused, the train of thought derailed by the distortion laden sound of Kim’s phone. Bobbie recognized the song as Slayer’s War Ensemble.

“Hey… yeah, food court… alright, seeya.” Kim flipped her phone shut. “Heather’ll be here in a minute.” Kim wanted to laugh so badly, knowing Bobbie’s secret.

Heather showed up in another dress befitting the red carpet of 1947, This one a one a forest green. Her oversize sunglasses giving her an air of aloofness, she was carrying a large purse. “Hello, Ms. Pointe, Kim. Bobbie, let me see.” Bobbie looked at her, puzzled. Uninvited, she reached over and moved her curtain of hair. “Hmmm, they seem to be healing fine. Okay, Bobbie. We should talk.

They talked, about music, current events, Bobbie clammed up when it came to guys, not having any idea of what to say.

“You’ve obviously had boyfriends, what were they like?” Heather pressed.

“I dunno,” Bobbie shrugged. “Broken, I guess.”

Heather laughed. “Not going to get at a straight answer? That’s jake.”

Sylvia got up from the table. “Well, I’ll leave you girls to it.”

Bobbie flushed, she opened her mouth. Kim cut her off. “Bye Mom. Heather will give us a ride, right?”

“Absolutely.”

Shopping was different with Heather. Bobbie watched as she looked at thing with the eyes of a jedi ninja. Her face was a mask of impassive calm. There was a moment when she stopped, removed her sunglasses and put one earpiece in her mouth. The red of the earpiece disappeared in the red of her lipstick. She looked back at Bobbie, then back at the window.

“Yep, I think we’ll do most of our shopping here.” Heather declared. Kim stifled a laugh, Bobbie shot her a glance and a scowl. The girls entered the store.

“Don’t worry, Bobbie. I can tell, you could use some help. I try to help whenever I can. But you have to trust me. Here.” She thrust out some separates, Bobbie took them and scanned for the dressing rooms. She found them and headed in.

Here I am again. Please let this be easier to put on. But, pants were pants, and shirts were… well, tops. After a few adjustments it met with Heather’s approval. Bobbie opted to wear it out, just wanting clothes that fit right for the first time in. She checked her memory. Five days? It’s only been five days?

Heather insisted on stopping for a chocolate milkshake. “If I’m shopping, there might as well be some chocolate? Right?”

Bobbie did insist on two pairs of jeans and three shirts with bands on them(Rush, Depeche Mode, and The Clash)

Sipping the shake, Heather looked at Bobbie. “Now, Bobbie.” She reached out and took her ponytail. “Hmm.” She studied. “No split ends, healthy. We’ve got to do something about that hair. We’re going to go where I get mine done. Do you trus…

* * * * * * *
...two years ago.

“You trust me, right?” Melanie said, brandishing the clippers.

“I…I guess.” Robb was stoned, as usual. His hair never did what he wanted it to. He had too many cowlicks, his hair kept trying to do that emo thing, drooping over his right eye. So, Melanie had decided to get rid of it. All of it.“It’ll look good.” She whispered. It didn’t take her long, and soon his hair was everywhere except on his head. Robb studied himself in the mirror. His brown eyes looked darker, he noticed. He wasn’t too sure about it, thought it made him look thuggish.

Melanie, on the other hand, couldn’t keep her hands off of it for the first week, insisting that he shave, with a razor.

Worst reason to keep a haircut. But, whatever works.

His mother hated it. “Do you want to look like a…a… skinhead?”

Kim laughed, not sure what to think.

* * * * * * *
…t me?” She put out her hand.

Kim nodded from behind Heather, mouthing ‘yes’.

“I…I guess so.” Bobbie said.

“Good,” Heather said. “Kim, shall we?”

Heather had a car waiting in the parking lot. It was old, but it was hers. They began the drive to the salon.

Kim turned to Bobbie. “Heather gets the whole style thing.”

Heather turned to Kim. “Oh, please. Anyone could see you were screaming for help. I knew your secret.” Bobbie blushed, again feeling sorry for leaving the Kimster to stew in her own juices while…

“So, Bobbie. What’s your story?” Melanie asked, changing lanes.

“Not much to tell. I guess I’m kind of a blank slate. I only know what Robb showed me.”Bobbie said.

Melanie eyed her mirror. “Oh, don’t worry, Bobbie. We’ll have you dolled up in no time. Frankie’ll have this sorted out, that’s why she’s the best.

Trepidation crept into Bobbie as they pulled into the parking lot. The salon was called Shear Ecstasy. Seeing the word ‘ecstasy’ sent a shiver up her spine, remembering the webcam and all the horrible, trashy ways it made her feel. Going into the salon they saw another woman, Her hair was red, an obvious dye job. More to color than quality. “Hi, Heather.” The new woman looked at Bobbie.

“New Project?” She said, implying this was a common occurance.

“Hi, Frankie, this is Bobbie. She’s new, starts school with us next week, and… Bobbie, pull that scrunchie out of your hair.” She did, and like quicksilver it spilled over her shoulder. It hung just below her bra strap. Frankie and Heather spoke in hushed tones for a moment. Frankie nodded.

“You’re absolutely right.” Frankie said, turning her chair toward her.

Bobbie sat in the chair, apparently this was a full service salon. Bobbie was shampooed, conditioned, and cream rinsed. It seemed to last forever. She was lost in it, the warm water jets relaxing her muscles. She was moved back to Frankie’s chair. There was combing, spraying, and cutting. It seemed like an eternity of cutting. Finally, Frankie turned the chair around and allowed Bobbie to see a new reflection for the umpteenth time that week.

Just like Heather had said earlier, ‘Definitely Bangs.” She had Bettie bangs, resting just about a quarter inch above her eyebrows. “Those came out perfect. Might have to call them ‘Bobbie bangs’, now. Come back every three weeks for a trim.” Frankie said, handing Bobbie her card. Bobbie paid and left. “Okay, Bobbie. One more stop and then we are done.

One more stop? Heather pulled out of the parking lot and headed for her house. It wasn’t long before they were back at Heather’s. “C’mon. My room is easier for this.” The three girls went into the back of the house…

And walked into, to Bobbie’s eyes, a cathedral of girliness. Makeup, musicians, clothes everywhere, and a closet that seemed to go on for miles. “My mom’s a costume designer. She’s in New Zealand for that new Wheel of Ages movie, so I’m alone until March. I make clothes, too. Plan to go to school for that.”

Kim started to protest.

“Only if the band doesn’t work out, hey, I could transition. Anyway, Bobbie. What size shoe do you wear?” Bobbie looked down at her feet. She was still wearing Melanie’s shoes, hadn’t thought about it. Heather looked down. Oh, honey, those shoes came from the same person who did your eyebrows, didn’t they.” She tittered, Bobbie looked down.

“Well, come on. We’ll get you fixed up.” They found some shoes that fit. Thankfully, Heather was the same size. Then, when Heather called Bobbie to her makeup table, he felt dread again. There was more tweezing and plucking, but it strangely didn’t bother him. Heather was gentle, where Melanie was ripping off chunks of her face off. She worked quickly and professionally.

“Now, that’s more like it.” Heather said. Bobbie looked, she had to agree. It was more elegant looking, the shape more defined. Bobbie was a little shocked at what a difference was made.

“Makeup.” Heather said, lowering her voice to a bass. Kim practically howled in laughter. “You are lucky I’m going to teach you. What I don’t understand is…” Bobbie looked down.

“Well,” she instantly brightened. “That’s all the more reason to learn now.” Heather worked on her for forty five minutes. When she was finished, Kim pulled out her phone and snapped several pictures.

Kim went to Heather, speaking in the whisper of complete silence. Heather nodded, left, then returned with a pink box. They left, gathering their things. In a small way, Bobbie wondered what was next. ‘Robb’ wasn’t visible to her.

Girl: absolutely no way to hide it anymore.

Chapter 8

“WAKE UP, BRO WE’VE GOT SOME WORK TO DO.” Kim’s voice ripped through the velvety blanket of sleep. Bobbie thrashed, gasping. It was Kim, pouncing on her.

“Kim, wha…”

“Mom’s at work today, so I thought maybe I could give you a crash course in a few things.” Kim said. Bobbie smoothed her hair and yawned. “You’ve got the rest of the week, and there’s things I’m sure you’d rather not ask Mom.” Bobbie stared blankly. “Meet me downstairs.” Kim bolted out of the room and down, displaying too much energy for this time of the morning.

After a breakfast of Fruit Rocks and coffee, Kim brought out the pink box. Opening it, she held it out to Bobbie. It was a pair of high heels. Bobbie looked at her with that ‘you’ve got to be kidding’ look.

“You’ve gotta figure this out. You still walk kind of like a guy. Just a little practice…”

“Kimster, I’m going to kill you for this.” Bobbie said. Kim handed her a book. “What’s this for?” She took it angrily.

“Your head, balance. You just woke up with tits and an ass, you didn’t have time to get used to it like us…”

“Like you ‘real’ girls?” Bobbie said dryly. The shoes went on easy enough, standing in them was what she imagined stilts were like. Bobbie walked around, shakily at first. It took about an hour before she was able to circumnavigate the living room without grabbing onto anything. Kim seemed happy.

“Now, to the computer.” Kim said.

In Robb’s old room, there was a desktop computer, Kim and Bobbie reconnected all the wires and connectors and booted up the system for the first time in years. “My virus protection has got to be out of date.” Bobbie murmured. His old wallpaper of a half naked woman covered in tattoos and piercings. She’d forgotten about that.

“Hmm, she’s kinda cute.” Kim said, breathing into Bobbie’s hair. Seeing all of Robb’s old life bothered her.

Once Google’s mighty logo took over the screen, Kim directed him to facebook. She plugged her phone into the computer’s usb slot. “Move over,” Kim directed. “I’ve got this.”

Making a profile wasn’t hard. But it was filling in life events and friends that was… challenging. Kim got the pictures from her phone to the computer to the profile. There were ‘likes’ and events. By the time they finished, it could have been a normal facebook page. Only Kim and Bobbie knew otherwise. Bobbie was also advised to have other accounts. Twitter, Tumblr, and so on.

“Where did you learn all this stuff.” Bobbie asked, impressed.

“From you, alright. I learned it from watching you.” Kim laughed. “Seriously, part of the band thing. Helps build a following.”

Bobbie looked through the computer. Robb’s old comic books, and movies, his porn… Here Bobbie was surrounded by her old life. She remembered all the plot details, characters, everything. It was while a naked Asian woman was on the screen when Bobbie heard it.

“I don’t think you’re gay.” Kim said. “And I should know.”

Bobbie jumped and turned. “Kimster? I just don’t know what I am anymore. I’m trying to roll with the punches here. But…”

Kim put her hand on Bobbie’s shoulder. “I understand, probably on a level few others will. We’ll get through this. Now, how about another lap in the heels?

Bobbie learned way too much about applying makeup and walking in heels during the rest of the week. Heather came by a couple of times, wanting to check on Bobbie. The earrings healed quickly, and Bobbie was able to dress herself well enough to satisfy Heather. Kim had recommended she practice getting ready for the rest of the week.

There was a kind of artful calm to it, Bobbie noticed. She adopted a look that was subtle. It was easy and quick. She remembered trying to get bathroom time as the only guy in the house. Bobbie practiced being a girl for the rest of the week. Sunday night, however, filled her with a sickening dread. The memories of ‘Robb’s’ time at Delacroix.

Out on the rooftop, Bobbie asked Kim for a cigarette. She hoped it would calm her twisted nerves, each drag burned and rasped. She coughed, the nicotine did it’s work at first, soothing her. Then, it all became too much. She grabbed the can and spit into it, dousing the cigarette.

“Never mind. I’m never smoking anything again.” Bobbie said with certainty. Then went to bed.

CLANG! Bobbie Recognized that sound now. Justice.

“Well, you seem to be adapting to that body pretty well. Like the hair.” She said.

Bobbie toyed with her bangs.”I’ve had some help.”

Justice smiled. “So you have. But something is still troubling you.”

“Well, it’s just… do I like guys, do I like girls? Who am I? I’m not ‘Robb’ , and ‘Bobbie’ doesn’t really exist. Now…now, I’ve got to go back to school…”

“You will just have to answer those questions for yourself. I will commend you on the choices you’ve made so far. You seem to be doing a lot of good for your mom and your sister. Anything else?

“Yeah,” Bobbie realized. “The cooking! It’s very, I don’t know…joyful. Is that important somehow?”

“Of course it is. I just cannot tell you about it. It would ruin its purpose. I guess there’s not a lot to say. You are going to be busy, Bobbie. You get to find yourself, and that is a lot of work, whoever you are.

“Just keep an open mind and an open heart. I believe in you. Make this time different”

Chapter 9

Delacroix High: a heady mix of hormones, knowledge, violence, humor, and fear all mixed up into a big cauldron of doubt. Bobbie looked at the school, remembering the days ‘Robb’ had spent here. She could point out the places where he had had altercations. Nervousness and old adrenal reflexes shot through Bobbie.

“Don’t worry, bro. This time it’s personal.” Kim smacked her fist with her palm.

* * * * * * * * * *
The One Who Was Melanie slinked her way onto campus. Tight jeans, tight top, tight everything. She could see Bobbie and Kim through the crowd, she turned her eyes into slits.

I will ruin you all over again. She needed to be patient, Lust had said.

The One Who Was Melanie had the beginnings of a plan. She looked at Kim.

* * * * * * * * * * *
Bobbie went through the first two classes quietly. Listening to Mr. Lesko drone on and on about English Literature, and how we would be reading from some of the finest writers in the world, again. She chuckled with the irony. The simple math class she was taking for credit was no problem. But, the teacher couldn’t seem to take his eyes off of her. All in all, things seemed okay for a change, normal. Well, whatever that is.

It was lunchtime when Bobbie saw Kim again, thankful for a familiar face. She was sitting with a bunch of other girls who looked far more interested in cheerleaders than cheerleading.

“Hey, Kimst…Kim.” Bobbie said.

“Oh, hey. Bobbie. Guys, this is Bobbie. She’s staying with me and my mom.”

“Hey.” They all murmured, practically in unison.

Bobbie looked around the lunch area and saw the classic cliché of cliques. But noticed things she’d never noticed. Anime stickers, people wearing superhero shirts, things that had been strictly relegated to the geek culture, were abound. Even in the behoodied group of skater/stoner/slackers. She saw the one from the mall, the one with the darkness. Well, more by them than with them.

Home economics was fun. The kitchen stations were modern, but the teacher was blasé and bored with teaching a class that existed solely for credit. So far, all the classes had been easy. She had kept interactions to a minimum, knowing that being the new kid and putting a foot wrong could spell disastrous. What had Mom said? Kids can be so cruel. She had decided to play it close to the vest, the last fight with Delacroix High had ended with DHS winning in the eleventh round by TKO.

The drama classes and the government class were slightly more enjoyable, with Bella in Government and Amber in Drama. Also in drama was a girl who sat in the back, one with a similar darkness. She was overweight, she just seemed to be depressed and alone. Apart from saying ‘here’ quietly, she didn’t say much. Her name was Beth, Bobbie wanted to speak to her, but she was gone as soon as the bell rang.

Well, there’s always tomorrow.

Bobbie and Kim walked home, it was only a couple of miles, so they just took some side streets and cut through some of the empty fields that surrounded the school. Kim was having her after school smoke when they heard it.

“There’s a cow on the traintracks. MOO!”

Coming around the corner, they saw Beth being pulled down to the ground. There were a couple of girls that she recognized from the skater crowd. There were two of them, a sticklike Hispanic girl, and a small slip of a girl with brown hair. Bobbie quickly named them Biggie and Smallz. Smallz had jumped onto Beth’s back, pulling her to the packed dirt and rocks by her backpack, while Biggie was closing the distance between them.

Bobbie remembered the feeling of being the kid on the ground. How ‘he’ had wished someone would come and…Oh, screw it. She dropped her backpack and rushed Biggie, fists balled. Anger took over

“Leave her alone.” She screamed as she brought around a right hook that impacted Biggie’s neck. It did absolutely nothing, failing to even push her back.

“Noboby asked you, cunt.” Biggie hissed, reaching out and grabbing Bobbie by the hair. Bobbie saw her fist coming toward her face. POW! It connected with her cheekbone, sending red lances of pain through her vision.

Something inside Bobbie made her move, crashing her forehead into Biggie’s nose. She felt something move with a sickening wetness. When she brought her head away, there was a downpour of blood running down her face.

“You broke by node.” She shrieked. Bobbie quickly turned around to see Kim holding Smallz off by intimidation alone. Smallz ran over to Biggie. “You better watch yourself, Barbie. C’mon Carla, let’s go. Kim feinted at them, stomping her foot as they ran away.

Beth was sobbing on the ground. Bobbie went to her, an arm around her shoulder. “It’s okay, they’re gone now.” Beth responded by rising to her feet and throwing her arms around Bobbie. She returned the hug.

“They’re always so mean to me.” She cried. “They always call me ‘fat’ and…and.” Tears came, darkening David Gahan’s face. She broke away from Bobbie. “I…I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.” Sniffle.

“It’s okay, Beth. I’m Bobbie, and this is Kim. They won’t be bothering you anymore today. C’mon, let’s get you home, you live close?” Bobbie chuckled. Kim lit a cigarette and offered one to Beth.

“Oh, no. My father would never let me…” Beth stammered, Kim laughed.

Beth did, indeed, live close. It was in a slightly rundown apartment building. They went to the apartment where she lived to find her father standing there, worried. His glasses showing spots in the afternoon light. Bobbie saw a hint of darkness, weblike, nebulous about him.

“Oh, no.” He said, seeing the blood on Bobbie’s forehead. The story was quickly explained. Bobbie went into the bathroom to see the aftermath. It was bad looking, slight swelling of the struck cheekbone. Brown, dried blood matted the center of her bangs, almost an oval shape. Using water and her comb, she managed to get most of it out.

“Hey, you wanna see my room?” Beth said, smiling. Bobbie noticed something different about her, the darkness had lightened.

“Sure.” Bobbie said. “Kim, let’s go see Beth’s room.”

“Beth, you wanna introduce me to your friends?”

“Oh, sure daddy. This is Bobbie and Kim. They helped me today.” Beth said anxiously.

“I’m Roy,” He offered his fist,”Nice to meet you.” Bobbie fist bumped, and Kim shook his hand.

“Daddy.” Beth insisted.

Roy chuckled. “You girls have fun.”

When they entered Beth’s room Bobbie was surprised, it was kind of a mess, there were pictures of horses, cats, boy bands, Katy Perry, and Taylor Swift covering her walls. There were some old toys(Bobbie spotted the easy bake oven immediately), a small stereo sat on her dresser, surrounded by CD and DVD cases. Looking closer, Bobbie recognized many of the titles. There was some anime mixed in with the John Hughes love stories. The music had a slightly retro look to the collection as well. An unmade bed with Hello Kitty sheets, and all the various clutter that made up a girl’s room.

Beth excitedly chatted, pointing to nearly everything in her room. Sometimes giving a detailed backstory where none was needed. Within fifteen minutes, both Kim and Bobbie knew more about her than they thought possible. She was a girl who loved things, the world was a bright and happy place. It was only at school where everything went wrong.

She didn’t have a mother. She left when Beth was two, no one knew where she went, she just… left. Her dad did the best he could, but…

Kids are cruel, Bobbie thought.

“Hey, do you wanna have lunch together tomorrow? I mean if…”

“Sure.” Bobbie said. “Absolutely.” The darkness around Beth was wavering, fading. Not gone, but certainly not as dense as before. After Bobbie borrowed some of her CDs, they left, Roy followed Bobbie out.

“Bobbie,” He said quietly. “I just… well, I just want to thank you. I don’t know what to do about her. I don’t know much about teenage girls, and…” Roy put his balding head in his hand.

“Mr, Rivers.” Bobbie said. “I know a little about being bullied. It sucks, and it looks like you may have seen some as well. The pendulum always swings the other way, things will change. They always do.”

“You can’t be more than seventeen, how can you be so smart?” Roy smiled.

“You’ve done a good job. She’s sweet, and she has a good heart. Me? People keep telling me that I have an ‘old soul’.” Bobbie shrugged nonchalantly. “I’ll see you soon.” Bobbie waved to Beth through a window as she and Kim began the journey home.

Chapter 10

That darkness, what was it. Could it simply be the negativity of others, or was it more than that? Bobbie wished she knew. The mystery baked in her mind like the cupcakes in the oven. The New Order CD that Bobbie had borrowed was spinning it’s way through Bizarre Love Triangle as she mixed the ingredients for the core.

The saying ‘In the zone’ had never meant much to Robb in his old life, but now, Bobbie was whirling around the kitchen, doing a curious kind of upper body parkour. Shoulders levering back and forth as she pulled ingredients and utensils from their resting places. When Bobbie used a knife, whisk, or spoon, it was as if it was an extension of her own hand.

This is my knife, there are many like it. But this one is mine.

Bobbie was pulling out the cupcake tins as the timer reached zero. She noticed that there was a different disc playing from when she started. Had she changed the CD? She continued her project, getting all the pieces to come together. And come together, they had.

There they were. 24 perfect chocolate cupcakes with a fudge core, dark chocolate icing, and ribbons of milk and white chocolates. All sitting prettily on three plates, Kim reached out for one. Only to have Bobbie slap her hand.

Kim rubbed at her hand where it stung. “What the hell?”

“I’m just running an experiment. We’ll get to eat a few, don’t worry there.” Bobbie pulled out her phone. It hadn’t really been used much. “Hey, show me how to use the camera on this thing. I want to get a picture. I can put it on those accounts I set up.”

When Sylvia got home, there was a dinner of sandwiches and chips. Then Bobbie pulled out the cupcakes. “Finally. Gimme.” Kim said, exaggeratedly reaching her hands out.

“Okay. I got this idea, I’m going to call them Mortal Choklate cupcakes.” She handed them out wryly smiling at the geek reference.

“Mortal Choklate!” Kim cried, echoing an old techno song. Bobbie laughed. Sylvia took one and began carefully removing the paper. Kim was literally ripping the covering off. Either way, they both experience the first bite in unison.

It was, for lack of a better word, nirvana. It was like looking into the sun, only to discover rich, chewy fudge at its center. All other sensation melting away into luscious cake, rich frosting, and…

…love.

If any food could ever be said to fill your soul, these would be it.

Bobbie watched as they were enraptured, eyes closed, moaning softly.

Sylvia set hers down. “Before I take another bite. That… was simply the most amazing cupcake I’ve ever had. You should find a way to sell these. I’m serious Bobbie. You are one hell of a cook.” Kim nodded agreement, still chewing. After they had finished, there was a smile on their faces. One that mirrored Bobbie’s.

They feel better, then I feel better. Bobbie noticed that her cheek didn’t sting quite so much.

“Bobbie, what happened to your cheek?” Sylvia asked, noticing the slight blemish.

“Oh,” Kim said, swallowing the last of her cupcake. “She head butted Carla Castillo in the nose. That was freakin’ awesome. Sylvia looked at Bobbie, shocked. “It’s okay, Mom. It wasn’t at school. She and that midget she hangs around with were screwing around with a freshman girl. You should have seen it! Bobbie Sharpe: Defender of the weak!”

Later that night, Kim was enjoying the last cigarette of the day. Bobbie still felt pretty good. There was a special calm, soothing.

“Bro, those were fucking awesome cupcakes. I think that you should call that fudgy center thing ‘the fudgality’.” Kim said, pointing with the cigarette.

“I really wish you’d stop calling me ‘bro’. It just sounds weird.”

“What am I supposed to do? Call you Sis?”

Bobbie had to admit. That sounds a little weird, too.

The next day there was no sign of Carla Castillo. Beth was very pleased by this. She was so happy to have someone to eat lunch with. Bobbie could sense some of the darkness, it was still there, wavering in a state of quantum flux.

“I made this for you, Beth. It’s a new recipe. Wondered what you thought.” Bobbie handed over an orange Tupperware container with a green lid.

“For me?” Beth said. Bobbie nodded as she opened it. “Wow. You made that? It’s so pretty. I almost don’t want to eat it. You made that? Wow.”

“Go on, I have a feeling I’m going to be making these again.” Beth gleefully peeled back the covering and took a healthy bite, snagging some of the dense center.

“MMMMMPH!” Beth exclaimed as best as she could. The darkness began strobing, and, as the cupcake was finished.

So was Beth’s darkness. Gone like it had never been, it just faded.

Okay, I think I get it. Tomorrow for sure.

Walking home, Bobbie peeled off with Beth to return her CDs. Kim, had some homework, so she headed straight home. Lighting her after school smoke she waved and told Bobbie that there wouldn’t be any more of the cupcakes left.

Kim had just lost sight of Bobbie and Beth when she saw… her.

She was one of those girls who filled out completely while still young. Her hair was red, the red associated with Italian sportscars. Her eyes were green orbital cannons, her pants were tight. Her top covered just enough to be suggestive, yet tight enough to see everything. She was sitting on a rock, legs crossed.

“Hey, you got another one of those for me, handsome?” She growled.

Kim, stunned, fumbled for her pack and flipped open the box. She took one out and handed it to her, filter up.

“Thanks,” She said. “Got a light?” Kim flicked her lighter and she moved in close, catching the end on the flame. She inhaled deeply, and exhaled a slow, steady stream.

“So.” She cooed. “What’s your name.”

“Umm… uh. Kim.” She stammered.

“I’m Roxx, with two exes.”She winked and reached out her arm and gently raked her scarlet lacquered nails down the back of Kim’s hair, all the way down the back of her neck.

“Thanks for the smoke. I’ll see you around, tiger.” Roxx said. As she walked away, Kim stood there stunned, she noticed a tattoo on her lower back. It had some purple Japanese letters in the center…

But, they could have meant anything…

Kim was lost in a daze after the encounter, she didn’t say much for the rest of the night. Although she was smiling, Bobbie could see rumblings of darkness, the way experienced sailors can see the gathering storm hours before anyone else. Not knowing what it meant, she put it out of her mind.

The next day, dressed in her black and white polka dotted top and skinny jeans. She had armed herself with another Mortal Choklate, Bobbie was walking out to the knoll where there was a faint odor of marijuana, stale tobacco, and testosterone. The smell reminding him of life with Melanie. How did I ever live like that?

The slacker crowd sat in their beanies and chain wallets. Torn skate shoes covering their feet. To the untrained eye, they looked like a single group. Like deep water, there were many undercurrents. They were usually identified by the hats they wore and the things they either did or did not do. Darknesses merged, there was no break, Bobbie could almost feel it pulling at her.

But not today. She headed for an atoll. The one she had seen at the mall. He was wearing an Elvis Costello shirt and a flannel overshirt, saggy jeans and shoes that had never seen a skateboard. She tapped him on the shoulder. He looked as if Patrick Bateman was asking him about Huey Lewis and the News.

“Hi. I’m Bobbie, and I wanted to talk to you. Is this a bad time?” Bobbie said.

“Oh…ummm. Uhhh.” He was fumbling with a book, slipping in into his pocket.“Excuse me? I uhh.uhhh…”

Bobbie wished he would just talk, she couldn’t blame him though. There was a time when any girl walking up to him and talking would have produced a similar effect.

“Sorry, I was reading.” He said sheepishly, looking around. “We should probably get out of here, you’re in the wrong ‘hood.”

“C’mon, let’s get to the quad.”

“Why?” Bobbie asked.

“No offense, but you stick out like a sore thumb down here. And, everyone heard about you and Carla Castillo. I’m Tim by the way, Tim Flaherty.” He stuck out his hand.

“Bobbie. Bobbie Sharpe.”

“Not having lunch with your dyke friends today?” Carla Castillo was stomping her way toward Bobbie.

Crap. “Could you hold this for a second?” Bobbie unshouldered her bag and handed it to Tim.

“You broke my nose, Barbie.” Carla said, a very unattractive cast over half of her face. She reached out for Bobbie…

Who grabbed her arm and levered her over her right hip, sending Carla en route to another facial collision. This time with the ground, she landed with a dull, wet thump. She screamed in frustrated, painful anguish as she realized that Bobbie had broken her nose. Again.

“It’s Bobbie, and leave Beth alone.”

A voice came from above the crowd. The slacker king parted the crowd, His Deicide beanie bobbing up and down. “Beth? Beth Rivers. The freshman? That’s where you went yesterday? You two went to go bully some kid instead of smoking that joint with us? You’re priorities are all screwed up, bitch.” One of the older stoner kids started berating Carla.

“Don’t worry, I won’t say nothing. For that, she deserved it. You cool, blondie.”

“Bobbie. Bobbie Sharpe.” He nodded

“You better go on, before campus cop gets here.” He pointed to the quad.

“Yeah,” Tim said, handing Bobbie back her bag.

On their way to the quad, Tim looked at Bobbie. “That was AWESOME!”

Bobbie smiled, “If she would just stop attacking me. These things wouldn’t happen.”

“So what did you want to talk to me about?” He asked

“Here.” She handed him a tupperware container with a mismatched lid. “It’s kind of a science project.

He opened it to see, another of the Cupcakes. He looked at her, wide eyed.

“Did…did you make these?” Tim asked excitedly. “I mean, you know how to do this stuff?’

Bobbie wasn’t ready for a follow up question, but… “Yes. I wondered if you could…”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry. “ Tim said, removing the paper in one piece, he bit. And Bobbie, saw the world explode in his eyes. As he chewed, he calmly set the pastry back in the container. He swallowed hard, looked directly into Bobbie’s eyes. She could see tears forming.

“I miss my dad and sister.” He whispered, tears streaming down his nose. Tim wiped them away. “That was a really good cupcake.” He said louder, nonchalantly.

Bobbie saw his darkness lighten up a little, not like with Beth. The bell rang, and before Bobbie could say anything else…

He was gone.

It wasn’t until the end of the day when she saw him again. “Bobbie.” He called, running after her and Kim.

“Wait.” Bobbie finally heard him and turned around. When he eventually caught up, he put his hands on his knees, heaving. “I think… I think… you need to… to see.”

“See what?” Kim asked, “You’re not taking her anywhere.”

“It’s okay, Kim. Sure, I’ll go.”

“Keep your phone on. I wanna hear from you.” Kim pointed at Bobbie.

“Ok, mom.”

Tim had gotten chatty after Kim left. Telling her about the car accident that had claimed his Father and sister, His mother had been withdrawn and almost catatonic. Tim’s father had been a patisserie for a famous restaurant years ago. They had moved to Delacroix when he had the idea for a cupcake boutique/bakery. They had found the right building with apartments upstairs. They had equipped the kitchen with the latest gear. They even had the permits required. Then the accident happened, Leaving Tim and his mother to deal with the aftermath. Now, opening the place just seemed like too much work for just the two of them.

Tim led Bobbie into town, past some warehouses and the skate park. There was a shabby grey building that needed a coat of paint. He brandished a key and led her in through a side door, into an elevator and down a hallway.

“I’m home, mom.” Tim said, coming in the door. She was sitting on the couch under a blanket staring at a muted TV. “Mom?”

“Oh. Hi, Tim.” She said, not even looking at him.

“Mom, this is Bobbie.”

“Oh, “She turned around. “I’m Myka, sorry about the mess…” Her darkness was palpable, almost swallowing light.

“It’s okay, Ms. Flaherty.”

“Mom, I think she can help with the bakery.” Myka looked up, puzzled.

“I need to show her the space. I think we might be able to save this place.” Tim grabbed some keys off of the hook by the door.

Going back down to the first floor, Tim wouldn’t stop talking or moving. His darkness looked soap bubble thin, vague. “…so, neither one of us is any good at this. We can’t hire anyone, and well… You came along with that cupcake. Please, we need your help.” Tim pleaded as he flipped the breakers one by one, enrobing the room in fluorescent light.

Bobbie gasped. She had seen some of this stuff before, but, wow! It was all top end gear. Huge ovens, a fondant station, it was as if there was a baker’s wish list on display. “I just started, and ….”

“…damn.” She

Tim cut her off. “Anything is better than the zero we’ve been getting. And those cupcakes, “He would have loved them.”

Bobbie’s mind started clicking. Hmmm. Maybe… She started thinking. She had friends, Beth would help. Maybe Kim… Suddenly, wormy things were scouting her stomach

What is this I’m feeling? Not scared… Nervous?

What is this?

“I’ll see what I can do?” Bobbie said with the air of hopeIdon’tfuckitup.

Chapter 11

It was evening when Bobbie returned home. Sylvia was there, alone.

“Hi, Bobbie. Kim’s out for a bit, so let’s talk.” Sylvia patted the cushion next to her on the sofa.

“Where’s Kim?” Bobbie asked.

“Oh, out with Roxx, I guess her name is? You know her?”

No, she didn’t.

“Anyway, I wondered how school was going.”

She shrugged. “Okay, I guess, classes seem easy enough. Don’t think Mr. Lesko is going to like my work. He seems a little too enamored of the classics.”

Sylvia put her hand on Bobbie’s crossed leg. “You know, Robb said the same thing. I see why he liked you. I know I haven’t talked about it much, but... None of this has been easy. It was so hard on Kim. She didn’t do much of anything but read his old books and watch his movies. I was so happy when she started playing the bass. When she told me she was gay. I wondered if it was Robb, was there something I could have done? I was so… so mad isn’t the word. Just frustrated and…” She sighed.

Bobbie couldn’t even imagine what it had been like for her. Losing one child, having to deal with Kim, and all of that after Jeff’s battle with cancer. Bobbie remembered all that time in the bedroom that Fate deemed he occupy again.

“And I’ve wanted to ask you this for about a week. Bobbie?”

“Yes.”

“Can I braid your hair? I’ve missed doing it since Heather’s makeover.

“Sure,” Bobbie chuckled. “Anything you want.”

So Bobbie sat there, as Sylvia began sectioning off Bobbie’s hair. “See any boys you like?” Bobbie spluttered.

“Uhh. No. It’s just been us girls.” She commented on Beth and realized she had been kind of alone together with Beth. “I guess it’s kind of difficult to start your senior year at a new school. I was always kind of shy.”

“God, sometimes when you talk, I just hear Robb. It’s almost like you two were the same person. There, done.” Bobbie turned her head, feeling a rope swing around and land in front of her left shoulder. “I’m glad he found you. I wish I could have helped him more. That…that bitch. He was a good boy, I can’t help but think what would have happened if he hadn’t.” She was looking directly into Bobbie’s eyes, she could see the tears.

“Mo…, Sylvia.” Bobbie started.

“Y’know what.” Sylvia guillotined that conversation.”Call me Mom. I’m okay with that if you are.” She was, and only her hug told anyone.

Bobbie spent some time cleaning up after Robb and making room for herself. Robb’s movies were rather eclectic from well written romantic comedies to musicals, Splattery horror films to period courtroom dramas. Girls don’t watch this stuff usually. Why not?

What kind of girl do you wanna be? I don’t know. Before finally turning in she took down that Bettie Page poster and set it aside.

Chapter 12

Bobbie saw him standing there, alone against a background of white, the ground parched desert. She walked up to him slowly. Recognition dawned…

Robb. He looked emaciated. His skin mottled, his eyes cloudy.

“Hey, “ he looked down. “Was hoping this would happen. I don’t know if I’m dreaming this, or you are. Or… hell, if Justice dreamed this up. Doubt that last one. No CLANG. Not sure.”

“What…I, how?”

I think I’m what’s left of Robb. You’re making more of this than you need to. You saved that girl, Kim and Mom are better now than they have been. It’s okay. I know this is weird, right? Maybe it’s that walkabout thing. Here I am, and there you are. Parts of me will stay, but you have taken other parts and made them yours. You can be a better Bobbie than I was a Robb, or a Robert for that matter. You can keep ‘me’ in here,” he tapped his temple. “There’s not much to keep, here.” He pointed to his chest. He smiled. Grabbing her hand and placing it over his heart. ”Just keep your mind and heart open. No matter where you go…” Then he walked into her, disappearing.

…there you are. Bobbie finished.

During lunch Beth looked at Bobbie. “I’m having a hard time with math, do you know anything about it?”

“Yeah, what are you having trouble with?”

“Oh, jeez, everything.” Beth looked at the end of her rope.

“Sure, afterschool? I think you can help me too.” Bobbie said.

Bobbie spent time making a list of the things she needed help with. She talked with Bella and Amber about band practice, saying something about needing their help. Then Bobbie went about the rest of her day. Following Beth home, Bobbie began asking the questions. She asked about hair braiding, she realized that she liked the braid. Especially while cooking. She had other girly questions, but those would keep past the barrier of fractions.

Beth was having a huge problem with fractions. Bobbie remembered the Easy Bake oven and related the fractions to food. Bobbie saw the light come on, she had gotten it.

While showing Bobbie how to braid, Beth looked calmly at her. “I have a question for you, okay? And you can’t laugh.”

Bobbie looked at her quizzically. “Sure, what?” Trying to keep the three sections of hair separate.

“Are you an angel?”

“Angel, huh?”

“I… uhh. What? Angel?” Bobbie stammered.

“Sure, I’ve lived here my whole life. I’ve never seen you, you show up out of nowhere and stop Carla, and you’re so pretty. You don’t know about any girl stuff. “ Beth excitedly ticked off her reasons. “…and those cupcakes just have to come from God.”

Before Bobbie could continue, “I always wanted a sister. I used to pray that my mom would come back, or that Daddy could meet someone. Big sister, little sister, I didn’t care. “ Bobbie saw a happiness in her eyes that came from finally letting things out.

“No,” Bobbie chuckled. “I’m not an angel.” She had an idea, “Hey, you wanna meet up with Kim’s band this weekend? I think we can use your help.”

The next day Bobbie found herself sitting in the gym, cheering on the Delacroix Blue Devils. The cheerleaders going through their routines. It was all lost on her. Kim had told her that Grrl Army had a gig the next weekend. They were playing at one of the College parties. Which meant mostly covers. Bobbie decided that she wanted to go. Hear the band, meet some people. Finding Tim after the rally, She told him about her idea.

“Look,” She said. “You and I can’t do it alone. There’s plenty of extra space, and maybe it’ll help. We can at least get started.”

“Bobbie, I don’t know what to say. I didn’t think that you would help;”

“I said I’d see what I could do. This may be something.”

Something Big.

* * * * * * *
Bobbie met with Tim and Beth early that Saturday morning. It wasn’t until they got to Heather’s house that she started talking.

“Hi, Heather, this is Tim and Beth, and we kind of need your help.”

Heather looked over her sunglasses at them.

“Heather,” Bobbie said, putting her hand on her wrist. “Later. Tim sort of has a bakery that needs help…”

Tim interrupted, “…and you guys can practice there if you want. Plenty of room.”

Beth waved at Amber, who smiled and waved back. Bella started talking, Kim went back to tuning her bass. Soon the noise was cacophonous. Heather screamed to stop the noise. Bobbie’s voice took over the silence.

“We need to help get that bakery open. With all of us together, I think we can do it. A little work here, a little band practice there. Tim and Beth agree, we can roadie you guys.”

Kim’s head snapped up. “And free cupcakes, right?” Everyone looked at her.”What?” She said.”Wait till you guys try ‘em.”

“Well, it would be nice to have my studio back.” Heather said. “But.” She pointed her earpiece at both Beth and Tim.”Style interventions… both of you.”

“Heather.” Bobbie said. “Let’s give them some time to adjust. They’re a little fragile right now.”

“Fine,” Heather put up her hands. “Fine. But, before that bakery opens…”

When they saw the bakery, they stood there. Looking up, they saw the brick building. It had been peppered with some not so offensive graffiti. Tim looked at the girls, excited.

“If you told me last week that I’d be standing here with a group of girls…”

“Fuck, dude.” Bella said. “Save that shit. Let’s get started.” Beth giggled.

It took less time than expected. Since the appliances had never been used, they had it up and running in no time at all. Soon they were loading some of Grrl Army’s sound equipment. Beth proved invaluable, using stealth to be there doing what needed to be done before anyone noticed. By the end of the day the bakery was cleaned, dusted, and decluttered. They even had time to fit in a practice, Bobbie and Beth managed to run to the store and use the equipment for the first time.

Beth was efficient. She moved quickly, grabbing ingredients and cracking eggs. Tim was checking the temperature of the ovens. And Grrl Army was playing. It was almost a scene out of some young adult novel for girls, Bobbie thought.

Robb would have fit in here. Robb, the dream. Maybe Robb was still in there, but only as a subset of Bobbie. In the short time spent in this body, Bobbie had discovered that the loneliness of the first teenage years was a testament to bottling things up. Bobbie was able to let these things out in a way that Robb never could.

And, here Bobbie was, a whole circle of friends, even the token boy. She saw Tim lugging a heavy box of utensils. She noticed a woody smell, lightly mixed with the smell of a new wallet. She saw biceps, triceps, and deltoids moving under his lightly tan skin, moving up under his sleeves… Bobbie shook her head. What was that?

She went to pull the cupcakes out, only to discover that Beth had already done so. “Beth, you’re amazing. How do…”

Beth held up a hand, cutting her off. “I’m a fat girl, I know my way around a kitchen. I got this.”

Bobbie was nonplussed. Beth… stood up and took over. She moved with confidence. From her vantage point, Bobbie wondered if that was what it looked like when others saw her cook. She moved over to the decorating station, and started to show Beth the steps, how to roll the ribbons and assemble the final product. There was suddenly two dozen cupcakes, and Tim and the Band.

“Oh, hi.” Beth said, bringing Bobbie back to Earth. “We were almost done. You ready? Bobbie?”

“Yeah, I came up with this one a couple of days ago. Thanks Tim.”

“Huh?”

“You’ll see in a minute. Everybody, grab one.” Suddenly, there were eighteen cupcakes.

Heather rolled her eyes back into her head, Amber just stared at hers in amazement. Bella stared at Bobbie, while Tim looked at her with the expression of someone who had just witnessed another person eat an entire box of envelopes.

“How do you stay so thin? This is going straight to my ass. And right now, I don’t care.”

“Bacon?” Tim asked.” You put bacon in cupcakes.”

Bobbie nodded, savoring a mouthful.

“What are you gonna call this one?” Kim was already disposing of the paper and heading in for a second cupcake.

“Great White North.” Bobbie said after thinking for a minute. Then, after a pregnant pause, she added. “Hoser.” At which Kim giggled hysterically.

Tim chuckled. “Good day, eh.” Bobbie looked at him, shocked.

“I don’t know, eh. These are pretty good, but not as good as donuts, eh.”

“Oh, get out!” Bobbie shot back in a similar voice.”They are too. Stop lyin’, hoser.”

Kim was laughing so hard that she started coughing. “Ugh, I think I have bacon in my nose.” Heather, Beth, Bella and Amber got a good laugh out of that.

Tim’s eyes met Bobbie’s, he smiled broadly. She smiled too, nobody knew that movie. There was common ground. It felt good to be able to use the word ‘hoser’ and have others know it’s meaning.

Tim was helping get the equipment out to the car while Beth and Bobbie washed up. “What class do you have after lunch?”

“Art,” Beth said. “But, I can’t really draw.”

“Have you thought about Home Ec? I think you should switch classes. What do you think about that?”

Beth brightened up.” Sure”

“You’ve got some talent for this. You shouldn’t waste it.” Bobbie said. “I have a feeling that these cupcakes could take us somewhere.”

Chapter 12

Friday night in Delacroix. Like most middle sized towns, there were pockets of inactivity. Large swaths of suburban living gone dark for a night out on the town. Then there were the parties. This one was like most others, loud and busy. Grrl Army was playing. Somewhere around the fourth song, “C’mon Eileen”(Heather felt more comfortable with the Save Ferris cover.) Bobbie lost track of Beth.

Bobbie started looking around, and found her…

Talking to a boy?

“There you are.” She said, finding Beth and the unknown boy.

“Oh, Bobbie. This is Steve, he studies cooking at the college.” Beth was talking rapidly. He, like her, was overweight and their conversation turned back to baking. Bobbie smiled. She seemed to be having fun. Bobbie quickly turned back to the music. There was a girl by the stage with bright red hair and a back tattoo reminiscent of Melanie’s. She was swaying seductively. She could see Kim stealing glances at her in between plucks of the strings. As “Eye of the Tiger” ended. Heather called a 10 minute break for the band. Kim set down the bass and leapt down to the redhead, whom she hugged and kissed, a little too intimately.

Kim’s okay, obviously. Alright, how does this mingling thing work?

She was reaching for a Diet Coke when she heard a voice behind her.

“Some party,huh? You know, you’re the prettiest girl here?” He a red cup in his hand. He reeked of whiskey and beer, he wore a t-shirt that said “Ironic T-Shirt” and a mustache that had been waxed to the point of ridiculosity. “Love the band.” He started to offer her his cup when…

“There you are.” She was one of Kim’s friends, Bobbie recognized her from the Lunch Bunch. Her shoulder length dark hair swished over a shoulder as she quickly turned. She felt an arm around her waist. She tensed, like two magnets pole to pole. Defense shields up, maximum strength. Before Bobbie could comprehend what was happening. She had her tongue in Bobbie’s mouth.

Kissing. Robb had done some. So had Bobbie. The foreign tongue swabbed around the inside of her mouth. It felt familiar, soothing. The world’s cares fell away. For a moment, Bobbie forgot about Bobbie. She was Robb again, lost in a world of unfamiliar sensation that smelled both familiar and wrong. The tongue withdrew as the other head backed away.

“Is that a mustache, or did someone put a candle on your face? Beat it, breeder.” She said, turning to Mr. Mustache.

“Lesbians.” He breathed as he turned and walked away.

“Bobbie, right? I remember you from lunch on the first day. That guy. Hipsters, ugh.” She offered her red cup, which she took and finished in one gulp.

“Yeah, sorry about that. That guy is such a douchebag. He dated my sister. He would have played you some indie band’s love song in a vein attempt to get you to suck his cock. I’m Mary and…”

Bobbie only caught snatches of the rest, the kiss lingering in her mind. The contents of the cup making her head swim. “I…I need some air.” She started toward the patio.

Oh, God. A girl just kissed me. But I’m a girl. It felt good. It felt weird. It felt right. It felt wrong. Why does this seem to be the only thing I can’t figure out?

“You’re not gay.” Kim had said. Confusion rolled around her mind like a boulder, rattling her psyche. It seemed like she should have enjoyed it.

But, she didn’t, well not exactly.

“Hey.” A warm hand on her shoulder, she spun quickly. Another hand shot out to steady her.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to freak you out. Figured because you were a little… anyway. I just wanted to get you away from that guy. Kim told me how you’re kind of naíve and…” Bobbie eyed her curiously. “…No offense. Just didn’t wanna see anything happen. Date rape and all that, this is a college party.”

“It’s okay.” Bobbie slurred slightly, then giggled.” You kissed me.” She blushed.

“I kissed a girl and I liked it.” She sang.

“How much did you drink?”

“Just that cup. I just.” She felt funny, like really drunk. She felt dizzy as her mouth flooded with saliva. She covered her mouth. Mary led her over to a trash can by the patio, where Bobbie emptied her stomach. Mary held her hair until she was done.

“Wow, you’re a cheap date. Don’t drink, huh.”

“No, but.” Bobbie giggled. “You’re a smoker.”

Over Mary’s shoulder, she saw Kim and the red haired girl. There was something familiar about her. Thinking through molasses, she couldn’t figure out what it was.

Something’s wrong. But what?

The redhead left and Kim ambled over with wide eyes and an even wider grin.

“Hey.” Kim said, ambling over. “You okay?”

“I think she’ll be fine, she is such a lightweight.”

Bobbie giggled. “She kissed me.” Kim looked sideways at Mary, puzzled.

“Jeb was gonna hit on her. I remember you said…”

“I would have kicked him in the balls. F…Fucker.” Bobbie hiccupped, swaying drunkenly.

“I gave her my cup.”Mary said It only had a sip left in it. I didn’t think...”

“Yeah, she’s got like, no tolerance. Kim said, crossing over to her. “Thanks, I think. C’mon, Bro, let’s get you a seat.”

“Who was that?” Bobbie asked. “She’s hot.” Her giggling calmed down as Bobbie realized she was Bobbie.

“That was Roxx.” Kim turned cold for a second. “And she’s mine. C’mon, bro. I’ve gotta get back on stage.” She led Bobbie to a seat near the stage, where she stayed. Grrl Army came back on and started the next set with “Should I Stay Or Should I Go.” Loud cheers erupted as the opening riff played.

Bobbie sat there, slightly drunk. Throwing up had helped. Bobbing her head to the music, she noticed Tim standing against the wall. She started to rise, only to be tripped up by her own feet. Tim noticed Bobbie as she fell. He threaded his way through the crowd toward her.

Bobbie was cursing her drunkenness as she started to get up. A strong, warm hand was on her shoulder. It wasn’t like when Mary first touched her. It was like her defense shield got the right response. Muscles relaxed, she felt her whole body exhale. Another hand rested on the other shoulder.

“Bobbie, it’s okay. It’s me, Tim.” She seemed to want to fall again before she finally allowed him to help her to her feet. She turned around and faced him, leaning on him heavily.

“No matter where I am, there you are.” She chuckled at her own joke. Tim laughed.

“C’mon, sit down. Need something to drink?”

“That would be good.” He was gone before she finished. He was back before she could see where he went.

“Here.” Tim said, handing her a Mello Yello. She took the can and popped the tab. After a solid swig, followed by a burp, she felt a little better.

Tim burst out laughing, as did Bobbie. He sat with her. She noticed she was looser, more comfortable than she had been. The band wrapped up and the party wound down. Getting the gear stowed was easy with all the extra help.

“Groovy!” Bobbie said as she closed the tailgate on the last of the gear.

“Candar!” Tim said, echoing her quote. She smiled at him. “You know, Bobbie. I like the fact that I can say these things around you. No one ever gets it.” Crossing over to her, he continued. “My mutant power seems to be remembering weird shit.”

“Mine too.” Her eyes widened. She giggled. “Mutant power.” He moved closer.

“Hey,” Kim intoned. The redhead from earlier was on her hip. “Roxx, this is Bobbie and Tim. Guys, Roxx.”

She shook Tim’s hand and grinned evilly, then turned to Bobbie. Her look became absolutely sinister. “Heard sooo much about you.”

Something’s wrong with her. I can feel it. Evil, pure and simple.

As their hands touched, Bobbie was filled with a sense of nameless dread. Her hackles raised, the fine hairs on the back of her neck tried their best to stand up.

Roxx broke away, then kissed Kim. “See ya ‘round.” She walked away in a sway of hips that indicated to Bobbie that Roxx had a tattoo that was awfully similar to the one Melanie had, but different enough to be just another tramp stamp. Looking at Kim, there was a thinner, more dense darkness than she had sensed before. What did it mean?

“That’s your girlfriend? Nice.” Tim said, looking at Bobbie. “I mean, if that’s your type.” He quickly amended.

Thing is, that was my type.

“So that’s Roxx. She better be nice to you.” Bobbie smacked a fist into her palm.

Kim laughed. “Don’t do that. It doesn’t look right when you do it.” Bobbie laughed, so hard she nearly doubled over. “Is she okay?”

“As far as I can tell.” Tim rubbed the back of his neck. Bobbie was still laughing at Kim’s last statement.

“C’mon, bro.” Kim said, pulling on of Bobbie’s slender arms around her shoulder to keep her steady. “Let’s get you home.”

Tim followed them to Heather’s car, where Kim helped her in. “Look, thanks for helping her out. I think this evening is going to mess with her a little.”

He looked puzzled. “I didn’t do…”

“No, one of my more forward friends kissed her to keep this douchebag away, I guess. And..”

“Oh, no problem. I’ll hang out with her anytime. Seems like she gets me. I expect to be in the friend zone, but I’ve gotta try, right? And, Kim. Don’t tell Bobbie.”

“Don’t worry. Not sure she’s ready for that yet.”

“Thanks. See you at the Bakery Tomorrow?”

“Yeah.” Kim said, ducking into the car.

“Bye, Tim.” Heather and Bobbie said as Heather started her car and drove off into the slightly humid night.

“You like Bobbie, don’t you?” Tim was startled. He spun quickly, it was Beth.

Tim put his hand over his chest. “Jeez, Beth. You scared me.”

“Sorry,” she said. “Fun party.”

“Yeah. Hey, what happened to that guy…um…”

“Oh, Steve. He was nice. We talked about food and stuff.”

“He didn’t try..”

“No, silly. He’s just nice.” Beth giggled.

Tim smiled and offered her arm. “Ready to go? Big day at the bakery.”

Beth smiled. “Let’s rumble.”

Chapter 13

At the ring of the alarm, Bobbie wanted to cry. She hurt, her stomach rolled.

Ugh! I need to stop trying to drink. There was a taste in her mouth, a taste that should have…

Mary! Bobbie blushed, her head clearing slightly. Dressing quickly, she crept downstairs to see Kim drinking coffee.

”There she is.” Kim said. “I can see that you remember last night. You look like a dog that just peed in the house.”

“I..”

“Don’t worry. Mary feels just as weird about it. She thinks she chased you away. I think she’s got a crush on you.”

“Oh, God. She smokes. All I could taste was tobacco. She handed me a cup…”

“Yeah, what’s up with that?”

“Ever since…’Bobbie’ everything effects me. Funny thing is, I didn’t think that there was anything special in that cup. It was just beer.”

“You were pretty buzzed.” Kim agreed.

“She just showed up when that guy…” Bobbie shook her head as she seasoned her coffee. “I’ve got such a…”

“Hangover? Yeah, I’d stay away from that stuff. It’s almost like you’re allergic.”

Bobbie was downing her coffee, trying to get at that life giving caffeine. “Kim, I..I.”

“You’re confused? Right? Question is, how did you feel about it?” Kim looked intently at Bobbie, holding her gaze.

“When she grabbed me, I tensed. Then when she kissed me… I…I was Robb again. I forgot about this, but it … I don’t know… smelled wrong? Then I looked down and realized I was ‘Bobbie’, and that was it, I just felt weird. Did I like it? Sort of? But that’s not the weird part.” She sipped at the rest of her coffee.

Kim cocked an eyebrow. “How do you mean?”

“I fell later, and Tim was there. He stopped me from falling and…”

“Go on…”

“When he touched me… It felt… I dunno, comforting? When Mary did it. I tensed.”

“That didn’t happen with Tim.” Bobbie said. “In fact, just the opposite. I felt… secure.”

“See, told you.” Kim swallowed the last of her coffee. “You aren’t gay.”

Great, one confusion settled.

After showering, Bobbie’s head stopped throbbing and her stomach stopped riding the rollercoaster it had been on all morning. She and Kim got to the Bakery late. Everyone was there. Including two new faces, an awkward looking blonde guy they had seen at the party.

And another, vaguely Asian girl with a longish pixie cut and a purple streak framing the right side of her face. There was something about her. “Oh, good. It’s the Duchess of Dessert.” She said dryly.

“Bobbie, Kim. This is Nick and Faye. Nick’s a graphic design student at DCC. He can help with our signage. His work’s pretty good, and he’ll practically work for cupcakes.”

“Which will go straight to my boobs and my hips.” Faye said. Beth and Kim chuckled. Bella and Amber smiled.

Bobbie shook Nick’s hand, then Faye’s. As soon as they touched, she felt a wrongness. A subdued, muted version of Roxx’s. Looking closer, she saw darkness. Hers was unique, unusual. She wanted to jerk her hand away like she touched a live wire, but instead allowed the low voltage to flow through her.

“So, the idea is for Nick to design the logo. We’re gonna need a name, Something we’re gonna plaster all over town. We need to let them know we’re different.” Tim was excited, talking animatedly. Gone was the shoe gazing. Bobbie smiled as she saw Heather grinding her teeth every time he unsuccessfully tried to hook his hair over his ear.

Bobbie noticed that Faye couldn’t stop looking at her. A small part of her liked the attention, a slightly larger part felt wrong for liking it, and the largest part wondered what was so different about her that she gave off such unusual vibes.

Bobbie got up. “Well, I guess we’re going to have to make some of these famous cupcakes, right?”

“Fuck yes.” Kim said.

Beth clapped, signifying her answer.

“Yeah, sure. I’ll talk some things over with Nick. See if we can figure out a direction”

“…And I’ll sit here and look sexy.” Faye said, causing a caustic look from Heather. And with that, they broke. The Band setting up, Bobbie and Beth getting their stations set up. Tim and Nick sitting in front of a laptop. The general stir engulfed everyone. Everyone except Faye, who couldn’t stop watching Bobbie.

“I’ll be back, I need to run to the bathroom. Can you keep an eye on the candy thermometer for me?” Beth said, wiping her hands and hustling out of the prep area.

As Beth left, Faye slinked from where she sat to where Bobbie stood, grabbing measuring cups. “So, how long ago did it happen?”

“Oh, I met Tim and Beth when…”

“Don’t give me that bullshit. How long ago did you have a dick?”

Bobbie dropped a measuring cup, she heard the plastic crack. She spun quickly and Stared Faye right in the eye. As their eyes connected, Bobbie saw understanding.

“Was it Lust? How long ago was it.”

Lust! Justice had warned me about her.

“Please.” She said pleadingly. “I have to know. There’s more than us, you know?”

Bobbie’s eyes widened.

“Lust.” Bobbie’s eyes widened. She whispered the name.

“Why did she do this to you?”

“I think we should go outside.” Bobbie eyed Faye suspisciously as Beth came in and washed her hands. “Beth. Temp’s still good. I’ll be right back.”

Bobbie led Faye outside. Her mind was a whirlwind of activity. She seemed to know. “Lust didn’t do this to me.” Bobbie began. “Justice did. But she did mention Lust”

“There’s more of them?” Faye looked at Bobbie incredulously. “What does this one want? What did you do?”

“I don’t understand.” Bobbie said into Faye’s pleading eyes.

Faye took a deep breath, looked both ways. “I used to be a guy.” She breathed quietly. The effortless confidence she exuded was gone, replaced by a vulnerable teenage girl. “Believe it or not, I used to be a six foot plus man named Kane.” She ran a hand along her body. “Lust did this to me. The first year was some Event Horizon shit. Now I’m this irresistible bundle of sexiness you see before you.”

Bobbie was taken aback. Here was evidence of Lust’s handiwork. Well, Justice had said…

And here, she was. A kindred spirit. A TRUE kindred spirit.

“Liberate Tut e me ex inferis.” Bobbie said. Smiling as she shed a single tear, she leapt forward and embraced Faye.

Faye awkwardly returned the hug.“Anyway, I had to learn everything all over again. If it wasn’t for Nick, I doubt I’d be breathing. What’s your story?”

“Drugs, robberies. I… I got shot. Justice came, said she’d save me if I helped her.”

“What does she want?”

“Not much. Just to be a good person and to help people. I’m being… I don’t know. I’m just different now.”

“No shit.”

“So, you got the Event Horizon thing? Play much Dead Space?”

“Oh, God. Yes!” Bobbie squeed. Faye’s perfect left eyebrow went up.

“So not long enough to know to keep that shit on lockdown?”

“Look, Bobbie? We should talk, but not here. You got a free night tomorrow?”

“Yes! I’ve got so many questions…”

“You never answered my question. How long?”

“About a month? I’ve been really busy.”

“Again, no shit. You’re taking this better than I did. I moped like Janeane Garofalo on downers Got into fights, and was just a pain in the ass. Look, we should get back in there. I need to try these cupcakes I’ve heard so much about. I know you want answers, you can wait till tomorrow. Until then, sister-brother?”

Bobbie laughed, uncontrollably; as she shook Faye’s offered hand.”No one’s ever said that to me before.”

Faye looked back at her, and as their hands shook.

“Then it pleases me to be the first.”

“Transformers? NICE! Oh, nerd roots showing.” Bobbie quickly repostured.

“Allow me to introduce myself.” Continuing to shake.

“My name is Faye. Faye Valentine.”

As they let each other’s hands go, Bobbie’s face fell.” Faye Valentine? How on Earth do you manage to keep that name? I mean, doesn’t everyone know it by now?”

“Girl’s gotta keep some secrets.” Faye smiled as they reentered the bakery.

Beth had done her work and the cupcakes were ready to go in. Faye headed back over to Nick and Tim who were talking excitedly about something. Heather and the rest of the band came into the baking area to the smell of baking.

“Bobbie, I don’t want to have to take all my dresses out.” Heather warned.

“Fuck it,” Bella declared. “Em are good.”

“They won’t be ready for a while yet.” Bobbie said.

“Yeah,” Beth interjected. “We still have to put together the…”

Tim burst into the now-crowded bakery. “Holy… wow, lot of people in here. Ummm, Bobbie, could you come out here?”

Bobbie shimmied her way through the crowd and tried to ignore when her breasts brushed against Tim. A slight tingle, almost a burning sensation lingered almost to the small seating area where Nick and Tim had been working.

Faye, I really hope you can help me. With Tim.

With everything.

“Cheepskates Cupcake Boutique. There’s the logo.” Tim pointed to the monitor of Nick’s laptop. There was a small green bird on rollerskates inside an orange circle. “What do you think?”

Bobbie looked at it, cocked her head and studied it. Something wasn’t quite right.

“Can we make the bird blue?” Bobbie asked. Nick tapped the stylus to the drawing pad twice and the bird changed color.

“It looks better, “ Tim said, lowering his voice. “It’s just that green was Stephanie’s favorite color.”

“The lettering could be green.” Bobbie offered.

Nick, without looking up, said. “Green would throw out the scheme. Blue and orange are complimentary.”

“Don’t worry, Tim.” Bobbie promised, “We’ll get green in there somehow.” Tim brightened some, smiling at Bobbie in a manner so infectious, she returned it.

There was some commotion as Beth called for Bobbie to return to the production area to finish the cupcakes.

“Shoo.” Beth said, waving her hand at everyone except Bobbie. Twenty minutes later, they returned with one dozen each of Mortal Choklate and Great White North.

Everybody grabbed theirs, looking at the edible art before them. Faye and Kim were the first into theirs.

“MMMMMMMMPH!” Faye declared, working her mouth slowly. She set one hand on the table as she swallowed. She panted, staring at the cupcake incredulously. “I think that you just became my new junk food stop.”

Nonplussed, Nick opted to try the Great White North first. His eyes closed, rapt in delicious sensation. Mmmming as he chewed, dismissing the crumbs that landed on his Gungrave shirt.

After cleaning up and stowing their sound gear. Faye and Bobbie exchanged numbers. “Tomorrow?” Faye asked.

“For sure.” Bobbie smiled.

That night Bobbie and Kim were on the roof again.

“So, you made fast friends with Faye. Nick seems cool. Maybe I’ll bring Roxx by next week.” Kim said pensively, staring off into empty space.

“Yeah, I can meet her sober.”

Kim laughed and extinguished her cigarette. “C’mon, we got school tomorrow.”

* * * * * * * * * *

The next day passed in a blur. Classes, the occasional ‘hi’ from some of the other kids in her classes, small talk with Beth and now Tim, who sat far away from ‘slacker’s cove’ as it was called. In Drama, Bobbie’s phone vibrated in her pocket. She flipped it open to find a text from Faye:

Meet me in the parking lot, Ive arranged transpo

After class Bobbie said goodbye to Beth and headed out to the parking lot. She quickly found Faye who indicated Nick’s car pulling into the gravel.

“Go ahead and get in the front. I like to make him think he’s a chauffeur.” Faye said loudly enough for Nick to hear. Bobbie got in the front seat, Nick brushing some chip crumbs onto the floor.

“Dammit, Faye. You can’t just leave your shit up front, then jump in the back.” Nick said, craning his neck. Faye glowered at him. “Yessah, Miz Daisy. I be drivin’”

“Just get us home, Nick. Or I will describe my last period to you in great detail”

"You're kidding." Nick said evenly, not taking his eyes off the road. Bobbie could tell that this was common.

"I have pictures." Faye said, grinning broadly.

Nick mumbled something under his breath as he drove out of the confines of Delacriox High.

“So, Bobbie. I never got to tell you yesterday. But, that may have been the best baked anything I’ve ever had. Did I hear you right, that there’s bacon in them?”

“Yeah,” She said. What did Nick know? She wondered. She thought it best not to bring it up.

“Well, you found a way to get another food group in there.” Nick said

“Hmmm.” Faye purred. “Breakfast cupcakes. Me likey.”

They pulled into the place Nick and Faye called home. Faye shooed Bobbie into her room quickly, closing the door behind her. “Please, sit.”

Bobbie looked at the room. It was a mess, there were food wrappers and video games, anime dvds and various items, some of which defied explanation.

“So,” Faye began, Extending her hand. Name was Kane… Hmmm. Haven’t said that in over a year.”

“Robb.” Bobbie shook her hand again. “I think.”

“Robb, Bobbie. OK.”

“That was Melanie’s idea. Oooh, she controlled everything. First it was playing hooky, then shaving my head…”

Faye giggled. “Sorry, I can’t picture you bald.”

“Yeah, well waking up with all this extra hair was a bit of a shock. So were these.” Bobbie put her hands on her breasts.”

“My change was slower, took a couple of weeks.” Faye said. “If it wasn’t for Nick. I…I don’t think I’d be here.”

“He knows?”

“Of course. He’s my best friend. Has been for years. Don’t think we should tell him about you, though. He’s just getting over losing me.”

“Losing you? Wait were you…?”

Doing the mental algebra, Faye brought up her hands reassuringly. “No, no. Nothing like that. It’s just, he wanted his old buddy Kane back. Friday night Anime marathons, both of us bitching about how we never get laid.” She held up a locket that was around her neck. “There’s a lock of Kane’s hair in here. Nick saved it, and I’ve kept it ever since.”

“I tried so hard to not mope around. Didn’t work. Then I met a girl named Amy. She’s like us. Well, like me. Lust did her. She was a guy named Marten. Lust didn’t just change his sex, she regressed him to 11 years old. Think about that.”

Bobbie wondered about that. That would have been a special type of hell. Puberty, again, parents and playgrounds, again. “I was gonna die. Female was preferable to dead. The next day. I guess when the change was finished. I… I … had a period.”

“Me, too.” Faye interjected. “Thought I was gonna die.” She chuckled at the memory. Also remembering telling Zoe and Rachel the same story and the resulting laugh.

“I’d just recently been shot. I freaked out. All that blood… Kind of silly now that I think about it. But.”

“Yeah.”

“How long before you double clicked your mouse?”’

“Huh?”

“Masturbated? I mean, you have done that, right.” Faye asked

She nodded her head. “Melanie set up a webcam thing and we did this Angel/Demon thing…”

Faye’s face fell as she ran to her computer. After a few quick taps and clicks, she turned the monitor to face Bobbie.

Where she saw Melanie and herself. Bobbie looked away, blushing.

“Sorry. Didn’t recognize you. It’s a hot video. You look different… What’s wrong?” Bobbie’s hands covered her face, she was sobbing. Faye came and sat next to her.

“M..Melanie made me do it so we could make some money. She gave me ecstasy…and…and.” Bobbie collapsed. “Sorry, it’s just…”

“Hormones? I’m sure you’ve noticed a difference. You don’t get mad like you used to? Things make you cry more. Welcome to girl Auschwitz. Where every move courts disaster.

“Hey, we ‘girls’ have to stick together. Hell of an introduction.” Faye said, smiling.

“So.” Bobbie sniffed, regaining composure. “What did you do about guys.”

Faye looked sheepish. “I have a girlfriend.”

Bobbie was stunned.”I… I didn’t…”

“It’s okay, we keep it quiet. What about you?”

“At that party last weekend. One of Kim’s friends kissed me. I guess to save me from being hit on. I kind of liked it, until I remembered I’m not Robb anymore and it smelled funny, . Kind of left me in a funk, then I drank some beer, and most of the evening is a blur, except…”

“Go on.” Faye dug in, hoping for details of the juiciest variety.

“Tim helped me up, and it felt…I don’t know, comforting. Like he wouldn’t let me fall. Ever.”

“Ah, I see. It sounds like you’re not into girls.”

“But, I’m not gay.”

“Honey,” Faye said, cocking a hip sensually. “look in the mirror. How old were you?’

“21”

“And you’ve got a whole life ahead of you, no one will ever know unless you tell them.” Faye pointed out matter of factly.

“Kim keeps telling me I’m not gay, but…”

“What’s her story?”

“Oh,” Bobbie waved her hand.” She’s my sister.”

“You went home?” Faye said, as if stricken. “I only talk to my parents through email now. Did you get ID?”

“Yeah, I knew someone. Son of a bitch wanted me to blow him.”I told them I was Robb’s girlfriend, and that he was dead. They bought it. I told Kim, so she knows, and now there’s you. And Melanie, but, I think she’s probably long gone by now.

“Did you?” Faye quizzed.

“What?”

“Blow him?”

“Eww, no.”

“So, what were you like? Y’know, before.” Faye asked.

“Not much to tell. Wallflower, no real friends, some online D and D, and movies. Lots of movies. I probably know more about movies that most people you know.”

“Probably. I am a gamer, that hasn’t changed. I just keep it quiet. Tell people I’m into hiking.” Faye let out a sly grin. “Getting used to this body was… a journey.”

“The body stuff isn’t so hard. I have to admit I kind of like how the clothes fit. It just seems weird that I like guys now. I guess. Don’t know if I’m ready for it.

“Everybody finds their own time. Having friends helps. Without Nick, Rach, and Zoe…”

“I dropped out of school. I’m gonna finish this time. My mom seems like she’s doing better. I have friends now. It’s… nice.” She smiled. “I had a dream…”

Faye leaned in, listening intently. “I saw me. I mean, I saw Robb. And he told me that it was okay. To keep what there was, because there was so little of him. No friends, no future. Justice told me I’m on the right track. So, I must be doing something right.

“Looks like you made your saving throw.”

Bobbie looked at her, perplexed, then laughed at the reference.

“Well, you’ve got a better handle on this that I did at a month. I think you’ll be okay. Looks like you have friends.” Faye said, adjusting her low neck top.

“Really?”Bobbie looked down. “Yeah, I guess I do. Never did before, Never talked to anyone, got bullied. All my friends were online, You know all those experiences we were supposed to have growing up? Well, not me.”

“My father died when I was 11. He was my dad. I mean, never got fishing or football, but I had to learn to be a man from movies. Worst teacher ever. Kim and I were close until… well, until Melanie. I followed her like a puppy, did whatever she wanted. Wasn’t too sure about the robberies, but she convinced me. Like an idiot.”

“Whenever people ask you ‘didn’t your parent’s ever…’ My answer is usually no. Ask me how many stuntmen were in Die Hard, and I can tell you.” Bobbie smirked.

As they talked, Bobbie and Faye realized that, Bobbie just needed to talk to someone else who had been through a similar, traumatic change. She went home, buoyed as she was by some catharsis.

Chapter 14

She smelled it before she saw it. A cigarette. It didn’t smell offensive or clingy. It smelled soothing, pleasant, instead. There was a hard packed dirt path that seemed to stretch forever, an equally infinite field. A dark shape stood out in the distance.

“Hey,” It called. “Think I could get your help, Bobbie?”

Stunned, she made her way toward the voice. The cigarette smell got stronger.

She gasped as she saw his face. Robb. He looked worse, sicker. His grungy clothes hung oddly on his gaunt frame. The light dappling on the mottled skin of his shaved head.

“Hey, gorgeous.”

Bobbie looked at her funny.

“Only so brash because you’re you, me… whatever.” Robb waved his hand, smoke trailing. Bobbie stared at the cigarette, transfixed. He pulled out his pack and offered her one. “Don’t worry, it’s just a dream. Your body remembers. Go on.” Bobbie took one of the Camels and put it in her mouth. Robb lit it for her. She inhaled. It was relaxing and made her head swim. Robb then produced a joint, and lit it. “Same here.” He said holding in the pungent smoke.

They smoked the joint and their cigarettes. Bobbie was high, the high she remembered. She smiled blankly. So many memories…

“Okay, Now that you and I are on the same page, grab a shovel and come with me.”

“Wai… huh?” Bobbie asked.

“You’re gonna help me bury something.” He said as he started to hack and cough.

“What?”

“Me.” He said spitting a glob that was at least part the red of blood.

Robb told stupid jokes, as if he’d been privy to everything that happened to Bobbie. Bobbie laughed, they were a little dark, but they were funny. He stopped and dug his shovel right in. “C’mon, don’t be shy.” Bobbie also dug in, churning the dirt.

“Way I see it.” Robb began. “Is you’ve got to bury me, if you don’t, you’ll never be happy. Look you may know who directed what and all that, but what did that knowledge cost you? Look at Beth, God, she’s almost like a female me. Probably why you helped her. But that’s my point, I never would have. Not only did you do it.” He leaned on his shovel. “You did it with some Crouching Tiger style.”

Bobbie laughed.

“Look at Kim, you two get along better than we did at the end there. And Mom, I know she loved me, but she seems to get you. Heather seems nice. Pay attention to her. Bella and Amber… Y’know, you have the start of a really great group.” Bobbie looked down.

“And Tim… he’s nice, he likes you, you know? Reminds me of me. It’s okay to admit it. I know about Mary. I understand. But things are different now. Remember how I used to always push away the broccoli in the Chinese food?” Bobbie nodded.

She remembered how she had eaten everything at Bamboo Panda, relishing the crunch and its earthy flavor.

“Anyway, the baking, Tim. Seriously, you could go places I never would have gone. Let’s just say I survived the robbery, then what?” Bobbie hadn’t thought of that. He coughed and spat again.

“You know Melanie would have rolled over on you in a heartbeat. Me? Jail? That would have gone over like a lead balloon. That webcam shit. Her using you, me, again.”

Bobbie agreed as she wiped sweat away from her forehead, making her bangs stick awkwardly.

“Justice gave you this chance. You’ve already done more with it than I would have. Sing, dance… love. There’s going to come a time when you will have been Bobbie longer than I was Robb. I think we’ve all established that you’re not gay. You gonna wall yourself off from everyone? You don’t even like cats.”

They dug in silence. There was soon a large hole. Robb offered Bobbie another cigarette and lit another joint.

“Figure we can do this one more time.” Robb said, lighting Bobbie’s cigarette.

“Forget about all the things I did. They’re long past. Concentrate on now. I know you can do it. You’ve come so far already. Style, I mean, I know I would have been terrified of you.” Bobbie blushed.

“You have talents you don’t even know about yet, and even more will come with age and experience. It’s a little different, not much.

He stubbed out his cigarette and stood. Crossing over to Bobbie, he hugged her. She returned the hug. It was the embrace of two best friends that will never see each other again. Bobbie could feel the tears on her shoulder.

Robb’s tears, cooler than the tears from her own eyes.

“C’mon. No need to cry. It’s better this way. Take care of Mom, and Kimster. Especially Kim. Try to live, have some fun. Get through the bad times. There’s more to life than I lived. Go on out and find it.” And with that, he unceremoniously jumped into the hole.

“Well, fill it in. Let’s do this.” Robb pulled the last cigarette from his pack. “One for the road.” He smiled weakly.

Bobbie wanted to scream, NO. We can fix this, it doesn’t have to be this way. But, she saw the truth of it. He was gone, no going back. Apart from watching movies with his dad, there were no real happy childhood memories. Movie and book trivia was all there really was. Tears streamed down her face as she began tossing dirt into the hole at Robb’s feet.

“Kinda reminds me of Army of Darkness.” Robb said, exhaling smoke. Bobbie chuckled through her tears.

As the dirt reached his neck. “Goodbye, Bobbie. Make it count. Live loudly.”

“No matter where you go, there you are.” Bobbie sobbed as she threw the last of the dirt over the hole, burying the last of Robb. She fell to her knees, sobbing. The high was gone. Looking up, she saw a lake that she somehow missed. She stripped off her dirty clothes and walked naked to the water.

It was on the third step when she felt the wetness creep under her thigh…

* * * * * * * * * *
Bobbie woke with a start and a scream. It took a full three seconds for Kim to burst through the door. “Wha?” Kim said.

“Bad dream.” Bobbie started, feeling the wetness. “Oh.” She said feeling the familiar seep and the dull, throbbing pain of her abdomen. Throwing off the blankets, She ran to the bathroom and rummaged for the pads she had recently put there.

Bobbie installed the absorbent, slightly off. She knew she’d get it eventually.

“Huh?” It was Sylvia, standing in the hallway.

“It’s okay, Mom. Just a bad dream.”

Knowing, her eyes cleared up for a second as their gaze locked. “I know, Bobbie.” She stepped forward and hugged her. “I miss him, too.” She whispered into her ear. Sylvia turned and went back to bed.

Kim was still on her bed when Bobbie came back into the room, giggling.

“What?” Bobbie said, slightly annoyed.

“I know that look. Started your period, huh? Sorry, just. Robb is still in there and…”

“No, he’s not.” Bobbie said distantly, shaking her head. “I think I just buried him. The memories are there. But, I’m just gonna be Bobbie. You said it yourself. What kind of girl do I want to be? I’m not sure.”

“But I’m going to find out.”

Kim smiled. “Well, right on. Sis.” It sounded natural.

“Yeah, sis.” Bobbie echoed, both of them smacking their fists into their palms in unison. They giggled…

Like schoolgirls.

Chapter 15

Bobbie was a little grumpy, but felt lighter than she had recently. Despite cramps, she smiled some, happy to see Beth and Amber who had joined them for lunch to talk about the cupcakes.

“Cooking is all science, really. I mean, there’s the art stuff, too, but the physics of it… Those were so good. I was wondering if you could make some for the bake sale?”

“Bake Sale?” Bobbie asked, Beth’s expression mirrored Bobbies.

“Yeah, we do the big musical in the spring. We hold a bake sale to help fund it. Last year, we used the home ec kitchens. I think it’d be a really big hit.”

To new experiences. “Sure.” Bobbie said. “But only if Beth helps.”

“Of course, silly.” Beth said, suddenly bouncing.

Bobbie survived the rest of the week

The shopping list for the bake sale came through on the following Monday, and Bobbie and Beth were on the case. They had even managed to enlist Tim, who had his own ideas.

“…Well, there’s this restaurant that won the James Beard award that has something called a Chocolate Bacon Crunch Bar. I think we can pull off a cupcake version of that. Thanks Chef Duff.”

He turned to Bobbie and smiled broadly. “And you, Bobbie.”

“Me? What did I do?”

“You got me interested in things again. I wasn’t lost, I just didn’t know where I was going.”

“Ah,” Bobbie said, feigning wisdom. “A zen answer, nice one pilgrim.”

Tim’s eyes widened. “There is no way you know where that’s from.”

“Steve Perry’s The Man Who Never missed, my favorite book.”

“Get the fuck out of here.” Tim said, pulling the battered paperback out of his back pocket.

The timer dinged and Tim spun to pull the cakes out of the oven. Bobbie stood still and noticed a smell, undertones of sweat, wood and leather, it hung in the air. The smell was so… so…

Male.

She remembered that smell, that one of a general floweriness that girls had. He’d been alone with women for over a month now. It seemed alien to her now. Somehow faulty and misleading.

But the other smell, his smell…

It stirred something, something deep and ancient. The lizard part of her brain sending signals that were familiar, faint and distant. Her cramps faded for a second, she smiled. “Rest of the series wasn’t all that, but man….”

The cupcakes were finished, ten dozen each Mortal Choklate, Great White North, and Tim’s experiment, which he dubbed the Womanimal. “Chocolate and bacon, and the restaurant’s name is Animal.”

Ms. Varney, the Drama Club advisor saw the output and was simply overjoyed. “So many. They should sell. Hope you’re ready…”

“Ready?” Bobbie said. “For what?”

“You’re going to work the stand, right?” Ms. Varney asked. Beth answered in the affirmative immediately.

“Umm sure.” Tim said, glancing at Bobbie. “Bobbie? You in?”

“Alright,” She said. “That escalated quickly.” Tim laughed

Where once was great trepidation, Bobbie felt optimism and hope.

“I’m gonna have to get ready for tomorrow.” Tim said absently. “Beth, want a ride home? I just got my dad’s old Vespa fixed. Mean to ride it around. Got two helmets?”

“Ooh, okay.” Beth squealed, Bobbie smiled at him, turning to leave. Tim flipped out his phone. After countless taps and a few moments, he turned to Beth and said “Let’s go.”

As they left, Bobbie felt, well slightly down. Damn hormones. She left to find Kim and walk home.

She found Kim with Roxx, trying to suffocate each other with their tongues.

They separated when Kim’s eyes widened at the sight of Bobbie.

“Hey, Roxx. I’ve gotta go. Until later tonight?” Kim said, a hunger in her eyes.

Bobbie felt it the sheer otherness of her.

“Oh, yeah. See ya then, Tiger. Nice to see you again, Angel.” Roxx said, spiling herself from step to the next viscously like the heaviest cream. Kim leered at Roxx’s rear end as it swished from one side to the other like the pendulum of a grandfather clock.

“MMM, I like her. We’re gonna do such depraved and horrible things to each other.” Kim said uncharacteristically.

Bobbie saw the darkness in her, she had learned to tune it out. It was present in everyone to varying degrees. Even when she saw it go away, the same person would have it back soon. But the echoes of wrongness followed Roxx out like a tide going out.

“I don’t know about her. Something’s not right.”

“Geez, bro. Jealous much?” Kim looked defensive.

“Me? No. I’m not gay, remember?” Bobbie said defiantly. “C’mon, let’s get home.”

“Yeah, we should do that.” Kim said, still staring after Roxx.

Dinner and homework taken care of, Bobbie was ready to go to bed. Kim had taken off with Roxx, Sylvia was out with friends from work. She had the house alone. The squeezing and general crappiness went away after a hot shower, removing bits of batter and frosting. Once out, she began the process of towel drying her hair. Ready for bed, she slipped into her pajamas and…

BZZT! BZZT!

The phone vibrated on her nightstand.

Heather: HEY BOBBIE!! Need to pik u up 2mrw, early, lik 6. B rdy.

Bobbie: Y

Heather: Gt rdy 4 bak sal.

So much for 8 hours

Chapter 16

Bobbie was up at 5, slightly dressed in jeans and a tshirt, a cup of coffee in each hand. Heather was, true to her word, there at 5:59 on the dot.

“Come on.” Heather said. Bobbie had never before seen her like this. No make up, and a baggy shirt and sweatpants. And, Bobbie noticed upon closer inspection, pink fuzzy bunny slippers.

“Thanks.” Heather said, accepting the brew. “ Late night. Be worth it when it’s over. I am so tired. Never got to say this before, but thanks.”

Bobbie sipped at her coffee. “Sure. For what?”

“Since you’ve been around, we’ve gotten band space. And I got to meet Beth. She’s sweet. She helps you a lot. I like her. She needs a woman in her life so bad.”

“And she’s amazing. I wish I could do more to help her. Just glad to get her into a kitchen…”

Heather guzzled a long swallow of coffee. “I’m gonna set up a camera one day and film you two in action. It’s like watching a fish get put back in water.” She guzzled again, finishing the cup.

“Okay, We’re gonna get us dolled up at my house. Besides, you’ve got some surprises coming. You’re gonna be ready”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ll see. C’mon, we’re here.” Heather practically jumped out of the car.

Heather bolted up to her room, and Bobbie followed. What happened over the next two hours left Bobbie transformed. Her hair had been done in victory rolls, the back tied in with a blue bow. She was wearing a blue swing dress with leopard print around the curves of her breasts. She felt how it clung to every square inch, it felt, somehow right. She randomly thought about the anime she watched while still a child, many of them revolving around tightly fitting power armor. Heather was wearing a similar dress, this one red. Her hair was pulled back in a simple ponytail. They both wore nylons. Heather’s make up was plain, pretty. Bobbie’s was… well, pinup was the only word he had for it. Bold eye makeup and sassy style. She realized, the dress was her power armor.

Heather handed Bobbie a pair of low heels. “Bobbie, Kim tells me you’re not too confident in the heels. These should be okay, just carry your other shoes in your backpack. Gonna want those back at the end of the day. All part of my duty as costume department.”

Heather and Bobbie stepped onto campus decked out like women on the Olivia calendars and the Fargas paintings. They turned heads wherever they went. Bobbie was self conscious. Having been a guy, she knew that at least one person would be gratifying himself tonight over the sight of her. She shook the thought out of her head.

Yeah, and you were one of those guys, enjoy the power. But, remember, with it comes responsibility.

The first part of the day was uneventful until fourth period, which had let Bobbie out early to set up the bake sale. When she walked up to the series of picnic tables, she stopped, stunned. Beth was in a polka dot dress and saddle shoes, ribbons in her hair. Simple, clean makeup. But it was Tim that got her attention.

He was wearing basic jeans and a t shirt. The hair was mostly gone, cut into a flat top, He looked better. Bobbie had to admit, stoner chic making him look like someone who would have been at home touring with Pearl Jam. He looked good, not flashy, clean. His broad shoulders and smooth skin

“You like, Bobbie?” Tim said, his nervousness detectable but not overly so. She smiled. “This is why Beth and I ran off yesterday.” His color changed. “Give you a ride today though.” She could hear that his mouth had gone dry. Her heart felt like an inflating balloon, one filled with… what?

“Cool, Daddy-o.” Bobbie said, smiling. Turning to Heather, she said.” Why are we wearing this? You never told me, and what’s with…

“I told you guys, style interventions for both of them.” Heather said, pointing to each. “How’d I do? I mean they’re only dressed like this today. But.” Heather looked right at Tim and enunciated very clearly. “We will be taking care of that this weekend, won’t we?”

Heather continued. “Oh, that’s right. We dress in costume from the musical we’re doing. This year it’s Grease. I’m excited, because we get to use the whole band this year. We’re going to use the Less Than Jake arrangement of the soundtrack. It’s going to be boss!”

“Well, as long as it makes sense. Let’s set up.” Bobbie said dryly.

It was crazy, there was a clamoring for the cupcakes from the moment they opened. Faye was there first, flanked by two girls she introduced as Rachel and Zoe. The cheerleaders and jocks were next. They had sold every single item by the end of lunch. The only person shocked by the sudden depletion of stock was Bobbie.

“Wait, that’s it?” Bobbie said, looking for another tray.

“That was so cool.” Beth squealed.

Tim was completely nonchalant about the whole thing. As if he knew that this was the only possible outcome. “Better get used to that. Those cupcakes of yours are gonna make you famous. Watch.” Bobbie blushed. “Hey.” Tim said, stepping closer. “I mean it. Those things are a goldmine, Peggy Sue.”

Bobbie felt her hear leap at the nickname. She didn’t know why, but she liked the familiarity it conveyed. Bobbie walked carefully for the rest of the day, her feet tender from the heels. She had changed back into the sneakers and, despite the foot discomfort, floated on air. The change in the air was palpable. It was like the darknesses she saw were muted, subdued. It was during drama class when the P.A. system came to life.

“Students. This is Principal Michaelson. I just want to congratulate you on having the first day I’ve ever seen with no fights, or discipline problems. Keep up the good work. Thank you and have a nice day.”

As Bobbie slung her backpack over her back, she saw Tim on his Vespa. He raised his arm and waved her over. She went over to the vehicle, waving goodbye to Beth and Kim. She had to admit, he looked good. A pleasant buzzing tingle at the pit of her stomach spread out evenly and made her smile as he handed her a helmet.

She smiled as she put the helmet on. She could feel the helmet push her hair down in ways it wasn’t meant to. When she finally got on, she grabbed the metal bar behind the seat. Tim slowly started riding away.

He pulled out into slight traffic and headed toward Bobbie’s house. After a couple of turns, she realized he was taking the long, scenic route. She felt the wind on her face, she was with a friend. It had been a particularly good day. Tim rolled to a stop at the light and looked to his left. A hill slanted down toward the cluster of streets where Bobbie lived. When the light turned green, he twisted the accelerator. The moped threatened to jump out from under Bobbie’s legs. Thinking and moving quickly, she let go of the bar and grabbed onto Tim. Pulling herself into him, she could feel his heat, smell the cheap aftershave he used, and that light undertone of leather and wood. The smells and proximity were so intoxicating. When combined with Bobbie’s already light mood, she hugged him, placing her helmeted head on his back. His body sagged slightly as they reached the bottom of the hill. The rest of the way to her house, Bobbie held on to Tim.

Tim smiled as the world slid by. There could have been zombies or terrorists chasing him and it wouldn’t have mattered. Now, at this moment, he was the happiest guy in the world. He brought the Vespa to a stop in front of the House. Bobbie swung her leg off of the bike, taking care not to expose herself. Tim followed suit. Bobbie took off the helmet, Her hair hung limply in some places where some had escaped the pins, and slightly frizzy where the product was spent. Tim took the helmet from her and locked it to the rear compartment.

“Bobbie, Beth told me about your conversation…”

Bobbie looked blankly at him.

“…I know you say you’re not. But,” He reached out and hooked an errant clump of hair over her ear. “You must be an angel. Everything just gets better when you’re around.” Bobbie smiled up at him.

“See you tomorrow. Angel.” Smiling, Tim remounted the vehicle and rode away. Bobbie walked backward towards the house, smiling. The tingle becoming a glow, there was an excitement inside her body that threatened to burst.

Entering the living room, Kim was watching TV. “Good day, huh?” She said, not turning her attention away from the news.

“Oh, just the best.”Bobbie squealed. Kim looked at her, cocking an eyebrow. “Everyone loved the bake sale and…and…” Bobbie was positively beaming.

“Tim gave you a ride home, took you down the hill. It made you feel special, huh?”

Bobbie’s face fell.

“Beth and Heather conspired on that one. You like him, huh?’

Embarassed, she smiled. “ I.. I think so. He even likes Buckaroo Banzai.”

“What a keeper.” Kim said sarcastically. “Bobbie’s got a boyfriend.” The old singsong voice teased.

Bobbie stared, eyes narrowing. “Shut up! I need a shower.” Bobbie turned and bounced up the stairs, buoyed by happy thoughts or helium. The smile remaining plastered to her face.

Gathering her clothes, she looked around her room. It didn’t seem to suit anymore. She opened the blinds, hearing them creak, Robb had never opened them. He eschewed natural light. Had stopped going outside, playing with Kim. God, did I really close myself off that much? She thought as the water sluiced the day off her body.

An errant jet of water came close between her legs. Her left knee buckled. The smell of wood and leather.

The thought of how she felt when Tim spouted a familiar movie reference.

The way her body relaxed at his touch at the party.

Tim was part of every thought as the water caressed sensitive parts that Bobbie was still unfamiliar with, sending sensation after sensation into her brain. And then it stopped as the water moved away. Not wanting it to end, she turned the water back to its previous position. Waves of pleasure overtook her as she drowned in thoughts of Tim and a tide of tactile bliss. When it finally ended and thought became coherent again. Bobbie stopped.

Did I just… She couldn’t tell if it bothered her or not, only serving to make it bother her more. Finishing her shower, she toweled off and got dressed. Looking in the mirror, the smile was still there, turned down to 10. She went downstairs, back to Kim.

“You’re loud, you know that?” Kim said, changing channels.

Bobbie blushed to her ears. “You.. heard?” She whispered.

“Um, Yeah.” Kim said, smiling. “It’s okay. I’m a little loud myself, apparently.”

Bobbie looked at her, “Roxx?”

Kim smiled impishly. “Yeah.” It was her turn to blush.

“First time?” Bobbie asked.

“Yeah. Oh, it was sooo…”

Bobbie held up a hand. “Don’t wanna know. Got enough pictures in my head right now.”

“Yeah, of Tim.” Kim said, hitting her with one of the couch’s throw pillows.

Bobbie hit her back. “About Roxx. I don’t know about her. Something’s not right about her.”

“Oh, you’re jealous because that was your type, and she’s hotter than your last girlfriend.” Kim’s smile wavered. The darkness had progressed, Bobbie could see that now. Her face hardened imperceptibly.

“I just don’t want what happened to me to happen to you. Kim, I died. Remember?”

“Yeah, in more ways than one.” Kim mumbled

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’re not exactly the same person now. You need to face that.”

“I think I have.”

Kim looked at Bobbie and through her. “Then talk to Tim. I mean, really talk to him. He likes you, he told me not to tell you. But you like him, and you need Stevie Wonder to point it out to you. You’re scared of cock, aren’t you?”

Bobbie looked at her sister, stunned. She’d never used that word before, well not while Bobbie was around. Bobbie looked at Kim and realized just how much she’d grown up. When did she find the time to get so wise?

Bobbie appreciated the situation. A young lesbian telling a girl who used to be a guy that he was afraid of cock. It would have sounded ludicrous…

…if it wasn’t true.

Chapter 17

“There you are.” Ms Varney said. “The bake sale was such a success, and I understand it was your cupcakes that single handedly made the sale. Just wanted to say thank you.” She hurried of to her classroom. Bobbie walked the rest of the way to Mr. Lesko’s class

The glow from the bake sale carried over until the next day. When the lunch bell finally rang, Bobbie went to find Beth. She found her picking at her sandwich, she perked up as soon as Bobbie showed sat down.

“So, how was your ride home?” Beth asked smiling.

Bobbie smiled back. “Fine.”

“Did you kiss him? Did he kiss you? Did he…” Beth was letting her excitement show.

“Whoa, slow down. He just gave me a ride home.”

“Yeah, on his moped.” Beth said dreamily. “Did you lean into him? I did. He smells nice.” Beth turned scarlet. “I know he likes you, but it was nice to pretend he was mine, even if for only a minute.” She turned her attention back to her lunch, where her sandwich had acquired something fascinating.

“Yeah.” Bobbie smiled, the scent of wood and leather replaying in her mind, his warmth.

His closeness. How her stomach dropped when the seat threatened to drop out from under her. How grabbing and pulling him close just seemed right.

“You two going to the Winter Ball?” Beth asked, pointing to the poster hanging from the awning of the lunch area. Bobbie looked up and saw the sign proudly announcing “Delacroix winter ball 2013: Forever Young” in silver, glittery letters.

During the first round of high school, Robb never went to any dances. A part of Bobbie’s mind drifted to thoughts of Tim and slow dancing.

“…this weekend? Bobbie?” Beth’s hand shook her shoulder gently.

“Hmm.” Bobbie came out of her reverie.

“I said, were you doing anything special this weekend?”

“Oh, just hanging with the band.”

“…and Tim. You know he’s gonna ask you, right?”

“Heya, Bobbie.” Tim’s voice came up behind her, making her eep and jump. Beth snorted laughter.

“Oh, you shit.” She playfully slapped his shoulder as he sat. “We were just talking about you.”

“I can tell, you’re blushing.” Tim smiled. “So Bobbie. Since someone let the cat out of the bag,” he glanced at Beth, who turned back to her sandwich while pulling a chip from the small bag. He cleared his throat, and looked into those blue eyes that went on forever. The hum and munch of the lunch crowd. A detached part of Bobbie’s mind went into Bullet Time.

…Beth slowed mid chew.

…The soda can twirled languidly through the air, destined to reach the trash can.

“Bobbie Sharpe, would you like to go to the Winter Ball with me?” Tim asked, looking for all the world like he just killed the bear.

Her stomach knotted, thoughts of cupcakes gone. She remembered ‘you only have to be bold for twenty seconds. A fluttery feeling ballooned in her belly, festooned with a curious warmth.

Their gaze held. Bobbie didn’t know if it had been twenty seconds or not, but it felt longer. She could feel his confidence; she could see that the answer didn’t matter to him. It was a courage ‘Robb’ never had displayed excepting that one time. She understood the courage he was displaying. Felt it radiating from him.

“Yes.” She said, feeling like she was all that mattered to him at that one, perfect moment. She reached forward, hugging him. She craved that wood and leather smell, his warmth.

Time returned to normal, the sound of one Beth clapping. “Oh, I’m so happy for you, Bobbie. Wish I could go.” Her expression drooped a little.

“Don’t worry, it’s early. I’m sure something will happen.” Bobbie reassured.

“Yeah, Beth. Plenty of time.” Tim winked at Bobbie. “Bobbie, you got anything going on today?”

“Helping Kim with homework, which means I’ll probably write most of it. Got another cupcake to try today.” Bobbie said, wishing it wasn’t true. What she really wanted was to catch a ride home again.

“Well, Beth. Wanna ride home?”

“Oh, yes please.” Beth said, eyeing Bobbie nervously. Bobbie chuckled and waved her hand noncommittally. They were gathering their books when the bell rang.

Kim was lighting a cigarette as they walked through the field. “So, Winter Ball with Tim, huh?” She looked at Bobbie, who stared back in surprise. “What?” She said, exhaling. “Like you were gonna hide that. He asked me first you know. I told him I didn’t know, he’d have to ask you. Look, I knew this was gonna happen.”

“You’ve been Bobbie for a little over a month now. I think the last of your old testosterone worked out. Yesterday proved it, you should have seen yourself.” She smiled. “Giddy as a schoolgirl.”

Bobbie thought about it. She had been noticing things differently, but didn’t really think about it. Now it came into focus. The way she noticed Tim’s muscles that first day in the bakery, The way he made her feel when he was around, the way he smelled. She slowly smiled, it was true, she realized.

“C’mon, princess, let’s go. That paper’s not gonna write itself…”

Chapter 18

The next few weeks passed as summer offered it last dying gasp before the leaves began to change and fall began to lay the town under siege with its unpredictable weather. Classes continued in sort of a blur of days, weekends full of band practice and friends.

Heather had taken Beth under her wing. Bobbie had seen the confidence she showed in the kitchen blossom into something more. She kept her head up more, her movements more sure.

Bobbie continued working on cupcakes. They only had until March to open the bakery. She had many flavors, all with names like Blue Velvet(Red Velvet cake with blue food coloring instead), La Dulce Vita(Dulce de Leche), and The Dragonslayer(That one had a green apple jelly filling and a caramel frosting). They would be ready to open soon enough.

On a Wednesday in late October Tim called Bobbie. She’d been doing government homework when the phone played it’s ringtone. As a practical joke, Kim had changed it to play One Direction’s ‘Beautiful’, and Bobbie had left it to annoy her.

“Hey, Bobbie. Great News.”

“Remember when I said we should try to sell some of these to Daily Grind? They said yes.” He was so excited.

“We’ve got an order for five dozen for Friday. I figure you, me and Beth can knock that out pretty quick. Tomorrow?”

“Sure.”

“Till then. Sweet dreams. Later, sweets.”

She smiled. “Do Svidanya.” She hung up and called Heather.

“Heather? I was wondering if you could give Beth a ride to the bakery tomorrow? Cool, thanks Heather.”

The following day, they all gathered at the student parking lot. Classes forgotten, idly chattering, Heather turned to Beth. “So, any luck finding a date to the dance?

Beth pouted slightly. “No. Not yet. Keep hoping though. No one seems interested”

“Don’t worry kid. You’re going if I have to kidnap someone to go with you.” Heather said, winking at Bobbie.

What’s that supposed to mean? Bobbie wondered.

“Ready, Bobbie?” Tim asked, handing her the helmet, strapping his own helmet to his head and mounting the bike.

“Alright ramblers, let’s get ramblin’.” Bobbie said. Affixing the helmet. She swung her leg over the back of the moped. Bobbie snaked her arms around Tim and scooted her body closer, trying to get as much contact as she could. The thrum of the engine tingled her thighs. She turned her head and leaned in, inhaling his smell deeply. She smiled. All was right with the world as they sped off, into the rapidly cooling afternoon.

* * *

“Kim.” Roxx purred, massaging that spot between the shoulder blades.

“MMmmm?” She responded.

“We should go to the Winter Ball.” Roxx moved her hands further down.

“The ball? O…Ok, didn’t think you’d wanna go.”

“Why?” She bent down to whisper sensually in her ear. “Give up a good reason to see you in a suit?” She nibbled an earlobe.”

Kim quivered with pleasure. “Mmm. Anything for you, baby.”

Standing up, Roxx said, “You carry way too much tension. I’m never gonna get anywhere this way.” Reaching into her purse, she pulled a slightly twisted with cylinder. “This’ll help.” She put it to her mouth and lit it like a cigarette. Kim recognized that smell.”

“It’s not a big deal. Lots of places give prescriptions for this now. They are doctors.” Roxx passed the joint to Kim. She inhaled, it was harsher than her cigarettes.

“Hold it in.” Roxx said, “Don’t choke.” She laughed.

Kim felt a little light headed, she giggled a little at some unidentified humor. “I don’t know why I’m laughing.” The giggle became a full laugh.

“That’s because you’re stoned, dork.” Roxx said as she leaned in for the kiss, bringing her free hand up to caress a breast. Kim reached around to rest her hand on Roxx’s ass.

***

Bobbie was winding down from working in the bakery when Kim came in, grinning ear to ear. “Hey, Kim. Was wondering if you were gonna…” She stopped when she saw Kim’s face.

“What?” Kim said, grabbing a roll from the baking sheet. Bobbie was pale, her eyes wide with surprise.

“You’re fucking high. And don’t bullshit me. Your eyes are red, and I could blindfold you with dental floss.” Bobbie pointed accusingly almost feeling her darkness.. Kim started laughing, a lot more than she should have.

“Well, OK miss pottymouth.” Kim continued laughing.

“I’ll tell mom. Remember what happened to me? I’m not gonna let that happen to you.” Kim’s face went serious as Bobbie went over and hugged her.

Kim wriggled out. “Jeez, Robb. Jealous much?”

Bobbie looked as if she’d been slapped, she stepped back. “What’s wrong, Kimster?”

“Nothing. I do one little thing, and you think I’m gonna get all stupid like you did. I’m not robbing anybody.” Bobbie jerked her head, stunned. “So, I got a little high? Roxx is right, you all baby me too much.” She turned and head up to her room. And that was all.

Was this how I made them feel? If so, I’m so sorry. Bobbie stood there and tried to hold down the tears, Can’t let that happen to her. Not again.

She tried to hold the tears back, gave up, and wept silently. Sylvia came home, and dinner was a quiet affair, with Bobbie eating silently. Afterward, she put food on a plate and went up to Kim’s room. She knocked, hearing nothing she let herself in. Kim was asleep face down on her bed. Bobbie shook her gently.

“Hey, Kim. Get up. Brought you dinner.” Kim stirred.

“Hey.” Bobbie said. “I’m still mad at you, here’s your dinner.”

“I’m sorry, Bobbie.” Kim said, turning over to accept the plate. “Didn’t mean to be a bitch. But, I can handle it. Don’t worry.”

“That’s what I said.”

“Yes.” Kim said, spearing a potato. “But, Roxx isn’t Melanie.”

“You better hope not.” Bobbie said. “See you in the morning.” Bobbie closed the door and went to bed.

Chapter 18

The Daily Grind order was a success and they wanted a weekly delivery. The Signs were due to be delivered just before Christmas and everything seemed to be holding together. Band practice continued. Bobbie walked home alone for the first time in recent memory. Beth and Tim had to do some studying, Heather, Bella and Amber were going to the mall, and Kim was with Roxx… again. It was starting to get dark, Daylight savings time taking its toll on the visible light of the day.

Walking up to the house it seemed quiet, eerily so. The silence and darkness seemed almost absolute. She inserted the key and turned the lock…

“SURPRISE!!’ Bobbie nearly jumped out of her skin. Deafening sound and blinding light exploded around Bobbie.

“Why didn’t you tell me, you had the same birthday?” Sylvia said, hugging Bobbie close. “Happy birthday, Bobbie.”

Never before had a birthday happened this way. There was Beth and Bella , Heather and Amber…

…and Kim, who seemed to be partially attached to Roxx.

They’ve all been so nice to me, made me feel at home. The dam broke, and Bobbie dissolved into happy, joyful tears. Sagging against Sylvia, Bobbie sniffled. She stepped away and turned to everyone.

“Oh, you guys.” Bobbie began, not noticing the slight smear of her eye makeup.”You… nobody’s ever done this for me before.” She tasted her salty tears and bitter makeup through her smile. She sniffled and regained composure.

Beth burst forward first, full of unbridled energy. She hugged Bobbie and gave her her present. It was wrapped in pink wrapping paper, but upon touching it, she knew it was cloth. Ripping it open, she unfurled the cloth, revealing it to be a blue apron. The front had “Cupcake Angel” Embossed on it’s front in purple sequins. A cupcake forming the ‘u’, and a crooked halo resting on the ‘l’.“When I saw it, I had to get it for you. Oh, happy birthday...” Beth hugged her again. “You’re the best friend I ever had.” Bobbie could feel emotion swelling.

Heather had a clean, white box, tied simply with a powder blue ribbon. Bobbie opened it and gave a quick hug. “I know you need a dress for the Winter Ball, and I know you’re busy with the bakery. So, I pulled this out of my closet and altered it. This kind of dress never goes out of style.” She lightly stamped her foot.”Oops.” She said.” Let the cat out of the bag.” She opened it.

It was shiny and blue, the same ice blue as the ribbon. Holding it up, The gown tumbled down to its full length. Bobbie looked at it. The shimmer of the satin, the play of the light on the bodice, it was beautiful. A slight burning began behind her eyes. “It’s beautiful.”

“And don’t think, you’re going out in that dress without hair and makeup.” Heather admonished harshly. A smile broke her expression. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you covered.”

Amber and Bella came up together. “This is from us.” It was heavy and rectangular. Ripping the kitten wrapping paper off, she noticed it was a book, An older book with a battered dust Jacket. “We found it, and knew you would like this.” Amber said. Bobbie gathered them both in her arms in a group hug. She felt a phone vibrate. Bella flipped open her phone, glanced at it and flipped it shut.

Looking down at the cover, she noticed it was a cook book. Not just any cookbook, it was an old edition of Larousse Gastronomique, The essential handbook to all things food. “Now if only there was some food here.” Bella said.

“…Some Food HERE!” she repeated, cartoonishly loud.

Ding, dong.

“Bobbie, could you get that, dear? You’re closest.” Sylvia said with a beaming smile. The kind, Bobbie absently noted, from before the death of her husband.

It was Tim, carrying two large pizza boxes. “Hey there, Birthday girl.”

Kim swept in and relieved him of the pizzas. When she had taken the boxes from Tim, Bobbie noticed a pink box with a gold ribbon in his left hand. She felt an irresistible urge to grab him, she gave in. Tim meeting her halfway. He hugged Bobbie close, whispered “Happy Birthday” into her ear. He kissed her lightly on the cheek. She felt his lips long after they left her face, and a warm glow in the pit of her stomach. “Here, this is for you. You’ve helped me so much. With the bakery, with everything.” He hugged her again. That feeling of closeness was better than any drug, if it could be bottled…

She glanced sideways at Roxx, inwardly she hoped that Kim would figure that out quicker that she did. Bobbie moved aside, allowing Tim entrance.

“Well go on, open it.” Tim said.

Bobbie lightly shook the box, listening. Pulling the bow open, she opened the box. Inside, was a small silver charm in the shape of a crossed spatula and whisk. It sat on a thin gold chain.

“You’ve got a baker’s soul, Bobbie. Why fight it? Here, let me help you put it on.” He took the necklace from the box. Bobbie turned around and held her hair off her neck. He moved in close, raising his arms to lower the charm in front of her. He clasped the necklace. She could feel his breath on the back of her neck.

“There.” Tim said, letting it go. Bobbie turned, feeling like the only person in his world that mattered. She spun.

“Perfect.” Tim said, lightly touching the charm as it lay on her chest.

“Tim, that’s so… I’m gonna cry again.” Bobbie started. Bobbie laughed, tears leaking. The smell of pizza drifted around the room. Tim stepped past Bobbie to see the candles put into the pizza. “Oh, you guys.” Bobbie said.

Kim and Roxx were next. “Happy birthday.” She said. It was unwrapped, save for a pink ribbon. The ribbon was tied around several small graphic novels titled Iron Wok Jan. “Comics, cooking. Seemed like a perfect fit.”

Roxx touched Bobbie’s shoulder.

Wrong, wrong WRONG, WRONG… the thought tattooed itself inside her brain. The happiness of the evening strong enough for Bobbie to shake most of it off, leaving a small, suspicious part of her mind to watch.

Roxx handed her an envelope. Opening it, the card said “Happy Birthday, Roberta.”

“I couldn’t find a card that said ‘Bobbie’. But I figured that it’s Roberta, right?” Roxx said, trying to hide a sly smile. A look of mischief behind her violet eyes.

Bobbie looked down to see the card to see that Roxx had signed it “Happy Birthday ‘Bobbie’ xoxo in red.

Bobbie looked at Roxx for a minute. “It’s casual.” She said.

Even though it wasn’t.

After the pizza was gone and the evening wound down, Kim and Roxx disappeared into her room, and the rest of the friends slowly filed out. Promising to see each other the next day.

Left alone, Bobbie walked up to Sylvia. “Oh, Mom. That was the birthday I ever had.”

“Okay.” Sylvia said, lauging while patting Bobbie’s back. “I just wanted to say thank you.”

“Thank me? For what?” Bobbie asked.

“I haven’t felt this good in years. You seem to be good luck for everyone. Beth, Heather…I don’t think Kim’s been happier. Bobbie, we’re all glad you’re here.”

Bobbie thought about that. She felt wanted, For the first time in recent memory.

“You better get off to bed, school tomorrow. I’ll clean up.” Sylvia said, smiling “Good night, Bobbie.”

Bobbie smiled, gathered her presents and went upstairs. The boxes and books went on the dresser, next to her lamp. But it was the card that drew her attention.

Has to be a coincidence…

Has to be.

She heard Kim’s door open and close. The telltale click of Roxx’s heels dopplered down the hall and the stairs. Bobbie quietly snuck over to Kim’s room.

“Kim?” She knocked, opening the door.

Kim was sitting on the bed, staring off into space. “Huh?” She said distantly.

She could see that Kim was high, but she seemed in control. Bobbie hadn’t caught Kim high since that first time, and decided now wasn’t the time for that argument.

“It was a great birthday. Thanks, sis.”

Kim smiled. “Just didn’t think you should be alone, like usual.” She looked ruefully at Bobbie through her slightly glazed, reddened eyes. “I hope you like Roxx, she’s a tough girl, been through a lot.”

“If she really likes you, then she has nothing to worry about. Ow.” Bobbie said, smacking her fist into her palm. Too hard, she shook her hand. “Alright, I won’t do that again, get some sleep. Good night.”

“’Night, “ Kim said.

“Sis.” She finished after a pause. Bobbie smiled as she went to bed.

Chapter 19

“Here.” Tim said, giving an envelope each to Beth and Bobbie. Looking inside, there were two crisp hundred dollar bills in each. “It’s your share of the profit. Wouldn’t be fair if you didn’t get something.”

“Oh, Heather and I can go shopping…”Beth asked, peering into the envelope. She looked back at Tim “What did you do with your share?”

“I bought Bobbie’s gift, and a couple of pizzas.” He smiled at her. “The rest I’m putting back into the bakery. I wanna open the day after graduation. Well, two days.”

“Well, then. That settles it.” Bobbie said, returning the envelope.“Keep it. If we’re going to do this, let’s do it right.”

Beth thought about it, and handed hers back. Tim took one of the bills out and gave it back to her. “Go ahead, go shopping. You deserve it.” He said. Glancing back at Bobbie, “Are you sure?”

“Not this time. Let’s just keep focused on that Daily Grind order. Thanksgiving’s coming up. That means shopping season, that means bigger orders.”

Tim hadn’t thought about that. That was one of the things he liked about her the most, the way she sometimes seemed to solve problems that hadn’t arisen, or effortlessly being there at the precise moment. “You’re right. Got any holiday themed ones yet?”

“Hmm, let me get back to you.” Bobbie said, noticing a slight twitch at the corners of his mouth.

“You’ve always got something cookin’. See ya later.”

Bobbie’s mind started turning. Several ideas were bubbling. As she went through her day, she did her tasks on autopilot. Fruitcake? No real schoolwork was getting done with the Thanksgiving holiday coming up, she made absentminded notes and doodles in her notebook. Candy cane? Looking down she had not only written Tim’s name, but also her own, with tiny smiley faces dotting the ‘i’s. Shocked, she turned the page, somehow not feeling right. Cranberry Orange? Her mind wandered.

Later that evening, Sylvia and was having dinner with Bobbie.

“Mom, would it be okay if Beth and her dad came for Thanksgiving? It’s just the two of them. I think I can take care of everything. I just think it would be nice, they could use the company.” Bobbie asked.

“I don’t see why not. We haven’t had a real Thanksgiving here since…” Sylvia trailed off, remembering that last ‘real’ Thanksgiving.

Bobbie inwardly winced, she remembered. Was that the really the last one?

“Sure.” Sylvia smiled. “It’ll be nice to have some adult company for a change.”

The door opened, it was Kim, she was wearing sunglasses even though it had begun getting dark. “Hey, guys. Roxx and I grabbed a burger. I’ve got homework. G’night.” She had disappeared up the stairs, the sound of her door heard off in the distance.

“Kim?” Sylvia said, raising her voice a little.

“It’s okay, Mom.” Bobbie said. “You did okay with her, she’s pretty smart.”

Sylvia smiled. “Just like her brother.”

* * * * *

It was that time all students dread, finals. There was a palpable darkness as students succumbed to sleeplessness, and endless cups of coffee from Daily Grind. Bobbie had been right about the increase in the order. Mortal Choklate was suffering fatality after fatality, and Great White North was turning into desolate, white wrappers.

Bobbie was showing Beth and Tim her notes for the new holiday flavors. There was a general friendliness in the air. Working with them had become a high point of the week. Every week, Bobbie got her own 80s movie montage, complete with music.

“So we’re going to need the candied fruit, pecans, cranberries and candy canes added to the shopping list for next week.” Bobbie told them. “With the increase in the order , we should be able to add more flavors with no problem, might just take us a little longer.” She spend the next twenty minutes explaining the new flavors. A fruitcake(The Royal Tannenbaum), a chocolate candy cane(The Clark Griswold), and a cranberry orange custard filled cupcake(The John McClane).

“Bobbie, how are you so good at this? We better get started. I have an appointment tomorrow.” Tim said, turning to the mixers.

“Oh,” Bobbie said. “Okay. No problem. Beth.”

“Hmm.” Beth said, looking at the recipes.

“Tell your dad that you’re coming to have Thanksgiving with Kim and I. Just can’t the thought of you two by yourselves.”

“R…really?” Beth smiled broadly.”Of course. I’ll tell him”

Time passed quickly. With songs in their hearts and batter crusted under their fingernails all the prep work was laid out to make the next day’s work go smoothly. Roy came to pick up Beth. She bounded out to the car, Bobbie followed. It was obvious that Beth was breaking the news from the way she got animated. Bobbie knocked on the window.

Beth rolled the window down.

Roy offered his knuckles again, Bobbie bumped smiling.

“So, Thanksgiving at your house, huh? Looking forward to it.”

“See ya at school, Bobbie.” She turned and waved. “Bye, Tim.”

“Later, Beth.” Tim said. He watched them drive away.” So, Bobbie, that just leaves us. Want me to walk with you?”

“Something wrong with the Vespa?” Bobbie asked.

“No,” Tim said. “Just a nice night is all.” He offered her a hand.

“It’ll be fun, I promise.” Bobbie took his hand and felt a rush of warmth. His touch felt good, reassuring. Bobbie lifted her right foot and took the first step. Tim didn’t let go. They started walking. Bobbie realized that she and Tim were still holding hands two blocks later. They talked of many things. Of spaceships and sponge cake, of music and meringue, love and lemons. Bobbie felt so comfortable opening up to him, like she could tell him almost anything. When they finally reached Bobbie’s house, she was wearing Tim’s jacket. He insisted, she protested, secretly wanting to be surrounded by his smell.

“See you tomorrow, Tim.” Bobbie said with grinning eyes.

“On the flip side.” He said. Bobbie realized that she hadn’t let go of his hand as he started to walk away, stretching out the touch as long as she could.

She watched him walk away until he turned the corner.

Entering the house, there was yelling.

“Kim, get back here. You don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you.” Sylvia yelled, receiving a slam in reply

“What’s going on?” Bobbie asked.

“Kim is in big trouble. I found this in her room.” She held up a cigarette butt. Sylvia stomped upstairs and more yelling was heard. Bobbie stayed downstairs until Sylvia returned.

“Dammit, Bobbie.” Sylvia began, exasperated. “I don’t want the same thing to happen to her…”

“I know, but… she’s going to make mistakes. All you can do is hope they realize what they’re doing.”

“I hope for her sake that she does. I’m starting to dislike this Roxx the way I disliked Melanie.” Sylvia looked like she tasted something rotten. Maybe she did.

Bobbie winced at the mention of her name, and realized she had a point.

Chapter 21

Roxx was getting impatient. “Can’t we just do it now? It would be so easy to…”

“Patience, pet. We could. But it would be so much better if it was closer to the finish line. Don’t you think?” Lust stroked the back of Roxx’s neck

“It’s just a matter of time.” And if there’s one thing Lust had, it was time.

Knock, knock.

Bobbie looked up from the pile of potatoes she was peeling. “Mom, can you get that?”

Sylvia was up and at the door quickly. She opened it to reveal Beth and her father. Bobbie could see that someone insisted that Mr. Rivers visited Heather. His hair had been cut, giving him a less slovenly appearance, and he was wearing a suit and tie. Bobbie could see that he wasn’t comfortable in it, but smiled he had made the effort.

“Hi, you must be Sylvia. Roy” Roy said, shaking her hand. Bobbie thought he looked nervous.

“Here. Wasn’t sure what kind to get.” He flourished a bottle of wine.

“Thank you, Roy. Hi Beth.”

“Hi Miz Pointe. Bobbieeee!” Beth ran past Sylvia into the kitchen. “Need any help? I can get those potatoes. How much longer does the turkey have? When…” She asked all the right questions, and was up to speed in no time.”

Kim came downstairs wearing the same sunglasses she’d been seen in a lot lately.”Takin’ off, Mom.”

Sylvia looked at her.” Where are you going?”

“Roxx doesn’t have anybody. I’m gonna spend it with her, watch some Twilight Zone. Don’t freak out, it’s casual.Just…”

“I don’t like her, Kim. Why can’t you…” Kim coiled, eyes becoming nuclear cooling vents

“Why can’t I what, Mom?” When Sylvia opened her mouth to answer… “Whatever.” Kim slammed the door behind her. Beth looked after her shocked. Bobbie was a little stunned. Sylvia was the most surprised of all, her ashen face saying everything that needed to be said. But no one understood it.

Bobbie understood. All too well, she’d seen this all happen before. It seemed to be playing out the same way. She wouldn’t, couldn’t let that happen. But how to stop it?

“Sorry,” Sylvia apologized to Roy. “I don’t like her girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” Roy asked.

“Daddy,” Beth said, selecting a new potato to peel. “She’s, she’s…”

“gay.” She whispered.

“Oh?” Roy looked at Sylvia.

Sylvia looked at the wine. “Bobbie, could you get out the corkscrew and bring some glasses?”

“So, we were eating the contest entries. We could have eaten the million dollar winner. Wouldn’t have known.” Sylvia finished. Roy laughed.

Dinner had been amazing. Bobbie’s stuffing made with ground pork, cilantro and water chestnuts was a hit. The turkey was perfectly juicy. All the extras could have come from a professional caterer. Even the sweet potato pie was a hit. Roy and Sylvia had talked until the bottle of wine was gone. There was relief in both of their voices, the relief borne of adult conversation. Today, for the first time in an interminably long time, they could talk and not worry or care what they might say. The wine loosened their tongues. Beth and Bobbie retreated to Bobbie’s room to discuss the bakery, the Winter Ball…

…and Tim.

Beth absently looked at the DVDs on the shelf. “You sure watch a lot of movies. I’ve never even heard of half of these. But I love this one. Lloyd really loved her. I always thought that huge radio would be heavy.” A picture fell from between …Say Anything and Sword of Vengeance. Beth picked it up and laughed.

“That’s Kim?” Beth asked seeing a younger version of the badass bass player for Grrl Army, one with her hair in pigtails and wearing a bright yellow dress. Bobbie came over and looked at the picture.

It was one of the old family pictures. Sylvia stood there with out of date clothing and a much shorter haircut, Kim in a state of girlish glee. Jeff also stood there, smiling, and finally Robb, a Robb that had yet to know how bad things could get.

“That’s Robb isn’t it?” Beth asked. “What was he like?”

Bobbie stared at picture. It was Robb alright, hair askew and standing at odd angles. “Afraid, I guess.” She saw his life objectively now. “He was afraid of almost everything.” It was weird to hear it out loud. “After his dad died, ” She pointed to everything. “He came home and read books and watched movies. He got brave at the wrong moment. He met a girl who… was bad for him.”

“Oh, I bet he was nice. He was wasn’t he?”

“You would have liked him.” Bobbie looked at Beth, she looked so innocent. She was such a nice girl.”He would have liked you, too”

“You’ll find someone. And they’ll deserve you.”

Beth smiled, “I know. I just wish I had someone.”

“You have me.” Bobbie said.

Chapter 22

Tensions strained at the house as Kim became more and more scarce. Bobbie only really saw her for band practice. Sylvia was at wit’s end with Kim. Bobbie couldn’t help, either. Kim seemed to be unfindable. An awkward conversation with Mary yielded no other information. She was showing up for school, with Roxx, or closed up in her room. Bobbie saw what was happening. She knew this is what it looked like when Robb had started dating Melanie. What could she do? Everything seemed to only serve to push her further. She only hoped she could help Kim see reason soon.

Cupcake sales at Daily Grind had been, stupendous. There was talk of a second order, The new holiday cupcakes disappearing like the season’s hottest toy on Black Friday. Tim had finally insisted that Bobbie take some of the money. The signs were due to be delivered just before the start of the winter break. Talk of the ball overtook nearly all of the social circles, and preparations had begun in earnest. There were banners and posters, photo packages and meal selections, corsages and boutonnieres.

Semester finals breezed by, Bobbie doing quite well. Out of boredom, she often doodled in her pad, or stared around the room blankly. Some found her spacy, but she displayed a level of awareness that bordered on prescience. Kim hadn’t done so well, her grades dipping into ‘D’s territory. The weather started to turn cold and snow began to fall. However; that wasn’t the only chill Bobbie felt.

It was an overcast Saturday in mid December and the morning of the Winter Ball. The members of Grrl Army decided to have their own pre party. Heather, Beth, and Amber helping Bobbie and Bella, preparations took hours. Bobbie and heather walked around with their hair in curlers for at least half the day. Bobbie chafed at the notion, but Heather insisted that this was going to be a special moment in her life, and she was going to look spectacular, even if it killed her. They talked at length about it after Bella and Amber left to finish preparations at home.

“Think of it as a renewal. Where were you last year? Six months ago?” Heather asked, sipping Diet Coke from a can through a straw. “You’ve had a rough year. Leaving your family, losing Robb.” She put her hand on Bobbie’s. “But look at the other side. Since you came to Delacroix… well you helped Kim for what that’s worth. You met us and Beth. I wouldn’t have met Beth. Tim would still be… blecch.” Heather stuck out her tongue. Bobbie laughed. “And the cupcakes, and the bake sale. The bakery…” She saw Bobbie’s nails. “Bobbie, when’s the last time you had a manicure?”

As the sun began to sink in the west, the dying light cast beautiful, irreproducible colors against the newly fallen snow. Bobbie sipped cocoa with a candy cane stir. Her hair was curly for the second time in her life. Bobbie had to admit that Heather had done it better. The curls cascaded over her shoulders, her bangs framed her face. It was tacky to the touch, but Heather assured that it would hold for the night. Her makeup was flawless, Bobbie’s blue eyes nearly glowed, her fingertips lacquered azure. Blue teardrop earrings dangled from each lobe, a string of blue gemstones ringed her slender neck.

And the dress did the rest. It looked positively ethereal on. The strapless dress was a floor length gown made of ice blue satin and tulle. Tiny gems decorated the bodice. It hugged every inch of her waist. This is my power armor now, she mused. She was in Heather’s living room waiting with her and Beth. They were all dressed. A limo had been ordered and they were just waiting.

Beth was similarly made up and also dressed in a gown. “You’re going, period.” Heather had told her, Beth had acquiesced.

“You know, Bobbie. I screwed up royally.” Heather said absently.

“What do you mean? I have listened to you haven’t I?”

“My point exactly. You look better than I do. Have to admit I was right about the color though.” Heather said, her voice tinged with mock jealousy.

The limo pulled up, crunching small errant rocks on Heather’s driveway. The girls left the confines of Heather’s house , light jackets covering their shoulders. Tim jumped out of the back of the vehicle. He was wearing black slacks, shiny dress shoes. A grey, tailored jacket covered his arms, his shirt was white with an ice blue tie and pocket square. Bobbie saw him, he looked… well, grown up. She couldn’t see the shoe gazing Tim she had first met.

Tim’s face fell upon seeing her. Here she was again, proving that she was an angel. The first thing he saw was how her eyes glowed. “Hey there, Bobbie Blue.” He said, an almost imperceptible shakiness in his voice. He hugged her carefully. “You look amazing.” He whispered.

Turning back to the car, Tim waved at someone. An overweight guy stepped out of the car wearing a recent suit. A shriek from behind her called her back to the present.

“STEEEVE!” Beth said, nearly knocking Bobbie and tripping on the hem of her dress. They collided as Steve lifted Beth off the ground slightly.

“I know it’s a little late, but. Beth, would you go to the dance with me?” He said.

“YES!” Beth cried. “Oh, you’re gonna mess up my makeup.” She sniffled.

Heather was walking out to the limo. Bobbie and Tim met up with her.

“Heather?” Bobbie began. “What just happened?”

Heather smiled her evil smile. “Remember that party we played?”

“Of course.” Bobbie and Tim both said, their different experiences causing vivid memories.

“That guy.” Bobbie said. “But he’s in college. How…”

“He graduated last year, he’s 18. I got the paperwork in early. They hit it off so well at the party... She needs this just as much as you do. I paid him to keep an eye on her at that party” She giggled a little

“Heather!” Bobbie looked at her. She’s only 15. Isn’t that…”

“He’s not going to do anything wrong.” Heather said, waving her hand nonchalantly.

“He is my cousin after all.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Bobbie asked.

“She might have found out. The three of you spend a lot of time at the bakery. I thought it would do her good. I’m going to make a woman out of her yet.” Heather smiled. “You kids have a good time.”

“Aren’t you coming?” Beth asked.

“I’m Bella and Amber’s ride. We’re going stag.” She laughed. “Now go on, shoo.”

They piled into the spacious back of the limo; Beth and Bobbie, Steve and Kim. The long, black vehicle cruised at a medium speed around Delacroix. Bobbie looked at the town where Robb grew up. It had changed. Some of the old fast food places were still there, boarded up. Bobbie recognized where they were…

His and Melanie’s old apartment, it had been four months since she’d left and hadn’t looked back. The area around their old window had been blackened. She could see from the lack of duct tape that the glass had been replaced. Bobbie wondered who lived there now.

They arrived at The Shelton and stood with the throng of other girls in their multicolored gowns and dresses, complimenting each other. The boys stood around in their suits, trying their best to be adults and spend time with a special someone. Bobbie looked around. It was a little overwhelming. So many people, even everyone’s combined darkness couldn’t pierce the brightness of everyone’s mood.

The banquet hall seated the attendees of the ball as they were served their beef or chicken dishes (Tim and Bobbie agreed it was overcooked and under seasoned.) When the dance floor opened up and the lighting was turned on, the hall became bathed in white, tiny specks of light dancing along the walls. The music started, couples taking to the floor immediately. There was an enjoyable chaos, Bobbie noticed, everyone nervous about everyone else. It was recent dance music, and top 40 standards. The first slow dance was announced as the throbbing music faded out, the synthesized strains overtaking the formerly loud hall. The dancers stopped their modern dances, breaking off into couples. The girls stepped forward, the boys slid arms around the smalls of the girls’ backs.

Bobbie and Tim were no exception. Every movement in the dress caused a torrent of sensations as the satin and tulle brushed against her bare legs. She looked at Tim, who was staring into her eyes, lost.

Let’s dance in style/ let’s dance for a while…

The warmth of Tim’s hand made the nerves in Bobbie’s back dance. The contact of their bodies was nuclear. She felt close, protected…safe.

Let us die young or let us live forever….

He held onto Bobbie, rocking from one foot to the other, keeping pace. He saw the whole universe in her eyes. He could smell lilacs and brown sugar under her perfume. This girl had come out of nowhere and now here she was, slow dancing with him. He couldn’t imagine anyone he’d rather be doing this with right now. Or ever.

Can you imagine when this race is won?

Turn our golden faces into the sun…

Bobbie felt Tim’s closeness, smelled his wood and leather smell. Looked up into that smile, and his soulful brown eyes….

Forever young, I want to be forever young

Do you really want to live forever? Forever or never?

Tim’s body pressed lightly against Bobbie, she felt his torso against hers. Her breasts responded and a tingling tightness began to spread out from her center.

Some are like water and some are like heat.

Some are the melody and some are the beat.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Beth and Steve, locked together and dancing awkwardly. Together, they looked like they were having such a good time. Even in the lowered light, Bobbie could make out Beth’s smile. Tim noticed as well. “That’s my cue, I guess.” He smiled.

Bobbie looked at Tim, wondering what it was he meant.

So many adventures couldn’t happen today.

So many songs we forgot to play.

“I like you, Bobbie Sharpe.” Tim said, she could feel the thudding of his heart. “Like you that way.”

So many dreams are swinging out of the blue

We let ‘em come true.

Tim started to lean his head forward, his lips parting. Bobbie was struck, the smell, the heat, his closeness coherent thought was a jumble of mismatched threads. She tilted her head up, parted her lips and closed her eyes.

Forever young, I want to be forever young

Do you really want to live forever? Forever or never?

She let his tongue touch hers, it wasn’t weird at all. This moment completely unlike how she had thought it would be. Their tongues writhed against each other, their mouths pressed tightly together. Swaying and kissing, the song ended. The dj said something and the song changed to something a little more uptempo.

With Bobbie and Tim still dancing to the beat of the song in their heads, eyes locked, lips occasionally touching.

Tim went to go get some punch while Bobbie looked around at the scene. The other couples were dancing in a display of sound and color. With a feeling of such lightness that she felt she must be levitating, it was almost like she couldn’t breathe in enough. Bobbie stood there, drinking it all in. Robb was only a memory, and Bobbie thought of her new life and…

“Bobbie.” There was a hand on her shoulder. With a start, she realized it was Amber.

“Oh,” Bobbie smiled distractedly. “Amber, hey.” She looked around. “Where’s your date?”

“Bella and I came together. We’re lending support to Heather. We did this last year.” She pointed at Beth and Steve.” We decided it’s her turn.”

“You mean you didn’t get dates because..? Why?”

Bella walked up. “Because, you silly bitch. You fuckin’ deserve this. You just fuckin’ rock” She held up her hand in the devil horns and stuck her tongue out, looking highly incongruous in her peach taffeta dress.

Tim returned with the punch. He offered Bobbie a cup. She sipped at it pensively.

“But,” Bella continued, grabbing Tim by an arm. “I’m borrowing him.” Tim’s punch sloshed in the cup, narrowly keeping it all in. Amber grabbed his cup from him as he was led helplessly away by the tomboyish Bella. Bobbie giggled, still intoxicated by the dance.

“Bobbie,” Amber started, brushing an errant red hair from her forehead. “I’ve been meaning to ask you. What’s wrong with Kim? I mean, you live with her…”

Bobbie’s mood was darkened at the thought of her sister. “I don’t know, teen rebellion? She’s been practically joined to Roxx’s hip for weeks. Mom’s mad at her a lot lately, too.”

“There you guys are.” Heather walked up, cup in her hand. “I was wondering where you all got to, where’s…”She scanned the crowd for Bella. “Oh, there she is.”

“Speaking of Kim, anyone see her?” Bobbie asked, suddenly worried. If they saw something wrong…

“Oh, yeah. She’s off in a dark corner making out with Roxx.” Heather said. “I don’t know what she sees in her.”She lowered her voice “could do better”. She brightened quickly “With my mom coming home next week, though, I’ve got too much on my plate to think about it.”

“You’re mom’s coming home?” Amber asked.

“Yeah, she’ll be here for a week, There’s a break in the shooting. So, Christmas.” Heather said. The song ended and Tim and Bella returned.

“You were fuckin’ great, kid.” Bella said, kissing Tim on the cheek. He blushed as he realized that some of her lipstick stuck to him.

“Bobbie,” Amber said, handing Tim’s cup to Bella.”I’m sorry, but I need to borrow him, too.” Amber captured Tim’s arm and back out to the dance floor he went.

“He’s either really fuckin’ nervous, or he’s a fucking awful dancer.” Bella said smiling. “But he’s yours, and he fuckin’ likes you.” Bella seemed like she was just giving Bobbie a hard time. Bobbie smiled.

When the next song ended, Amber and Tim returned to the group. They were all smiling and laughing. Bobbie felt….high. Is that the right word? She smiled at Tim, he smiled back. Everything

They chatted, sipping their punch. When the next slow dance came, Tim offered his hand to Bobbie. “May I have this dance?” Tim offered his hand. Smiling and nodding, Bobbie went out there silently. Welded together, they slowly swayed.

There is freedom within
there is freedom without
Try to catch a deluge in a paper cup
There's a battle ahead
many battles are lost
But you'll never see the end of the road
While you're travelling with me

“I’m fuckin’ jealous. How is it she just shows up, finds the right fuckin’ guy, and we all still fuckin’ like her?” Bella sipped at Tim’s forgotten punch. Amber nodded.

“There’s somebody for everyone.” The redhead said. “My luck, he lives in Zimbabwe.” Heather laughed.

Hey now, hey now, Don’t dream it’s over…

“Sometimes, they’re closer than you think.” Said the singer; eyeing Kim in her dark suit with white tie. She was latched to Roxx’s painted on dress. The unlikely pair disappeared out of the hall and into the night.

Hey now, hey now, when the world comes in
They come, they come to build a wall between us…

After the last dance of the evening, the young revelers spilled out of the Shelton and broke off into groups, each heading for the afterparties. Beth and Steve arrived at the limo, smiling and giggling and holding hands. They had a good time, that much was readily apparent. They were starry eyed, Bobbie noticed. So was Tim, she concluded that she must be too. Steve helped Beth into the Limo, followed by Bobbie. Steve entered, then Tim, finally closing the door.

They didn’t go to any of the parties, but elected to drive around with the sun roof open and take turns standing out of it and staring up at the night sky. Tim stood there with his arm around Bobbie, his touch blocking the chill rush of air that hissed past the car. Bobbie remembered seeing the stars before, but never like this. It was wonderful.

Beth got dropped off at home just a few minutes past her midnight curfew. From the glow of the light, it was obvious that Roy had stayed up late. Their silhouettes merged as they hugged. The Limo pulled up to the bakery. “Last stop, everybody out.” Steve said.

“Bobbie, I’ll give you a ride. C’mon.” Tim handed Bobbie her purse and led her out of the limo.

“What about Steve?” Bobbie asked.

“I’ll be fine, he’ll just drop me off last.” Steve said, waving and closing the door. The limo drove off, leaving Bobbie and Tim standing outside the bakery.

Tim opened the locks, entered the building and hit the breakers. Only this time, the overhead fluorescent lights didn’t come on. Yet the room glowed dimly. Looking around, Bobbie realized that the light came from all of the ovens. She smiled.

“I just wanted one more dance with you before I took you home. I didn’t think you’d mind, and I picked this song especially for this. I knew they wouldn’t play it at the dance. He walked over and switched on the small cd player. Slow, sparse guitars began to play. “So,” He stretched out his hand. “One more dance, Bobbie Blue?” The light glinted over his eyes and teeth.

Bobbie swelled; he had done all this for her. Granted, it wasn’t much, but the gesture touched her. She took his hand and moved in close. Bella was right about one thing, he was a terrible dancer. But the feeling she had when she stood that close to him more than made up for it.

They will see us swinging from such great heights
‘Come down now’ they’ll say
But everything looks perfect from far away
‘Come down now’, but we’ll stay

They danced in the dim glow of the oven lights. “Always wanted to dance with a girl to this song.” Tim said.

Bobbie smiled. “I liked Garden State, too.” This time, she kissed first. She didn’t want the night to end. Everything seemed so… right. Bobbie’s life was heading in the right direction.

Shame I had to cause so much trouble to find this.

Chapter 23

With school out, Bobbie had been going to Heather’s under the guise of being her model. Heather’s mother, Betty; had come home with wild tales of New Zealand and bad stitching. Heather, while happy to see her mother, seemed a little annoyed after the first day. While standing in yet another blue gown with Heather affixing pins to the hem, Bobbie found out why.

“You are such a beautiful girl, Bobbie. You have a boyfriend, right?” Betty asked.

Bobbie got timid. “I …I guess….”

“Heather never has a boyfriend.”

“Mom,” Heather said, annoyance creeping into her voice. “Give it a rest. I don’t want you to start putting Bobbie on a pedestal.”

“It’s just that…”

“Mom, I… ow.” She stuck her finger in her mouth.

“Ok, okay. No need to get all flustered.” Betty backed away slowly.

“What was that all about?” Bobbie asked.

Heather waved her hand. “She’s always on me about getting a boyfriend. I’ll find someone when I’m damn good and ready. You want to get out of here?” Exasperated, Heather started putting her supplies away.

“Anything to get out of this dress.” Bobbie said. Heather smiled. Soon, the pair was off to Daily Grind. At a table usually home to studying students, Bobbie and Heather sat, sipping hot, caffeinated bliss. Between them sat a Mortal Choklate.

“I’m worried about Kim.” Heather said. “She’s been spacey lately. She spends so much time with Roxx…”

“For what it’s worth, Mom and I don’t like her either.” Bobbie said.

“I know that her brother Robb went through something like this, but I don’t think it’s exactly the same. I don’t know if I can live with myself if something happens to her.” Heather said absently. Bobbie wondered where that came from. Catching herself, she said. “Hard to find a good female bass player is all.” Heather pulled a piece of the cupcake off and popped it into her mouth as if to stop talking. Bobbie could see a tightening darkness. It had been gathering a lot lately, but she just figured it due to the stress of the holidays. But, this was something else.

Heather sighed “I guess we should get back. I at least need to finish that dress.”

That weekend, Tim, Beth, Bobbie, and Grrl Army stood at Cheepskates. Their diligent efforts had bought them their sign. It sat atop the door in a large circle of orange and the blue chick in the center. Tim was excited, so was Bobbie. Neither she nor Tim couldn‘t wait to open. A little interior redecorating and Delacroix would have the country’s newest gourmet cupcake boutique. Everyone was excited…

Except Kim, she sat behind her shades, looking for all the world like she couldn’t wait to leave. When her phone rang, she was up and excusing herself. Once she was gone, conversation turned to her.

“I fuckin’ swear. That Roxx…” Bella said.

“Yeah, Bobbie. What’s up with that? She was always so gung ho about the band. Now, she just hangs around with that Suicide Girl wannabe.” Amber spoke up. “I think she was high.”

Bobbie sighed.” Probably.’

Heather looked at her. “Didn’t her brother have a drug pro…” She turned to Bobbie.

She screwed her face up. “Yeah.” Bobbie groaned inside, she didn’t want to remember anymore. Everything had been so much better. But here it was again. Worse, it was happening to someone else, and she seemed powerless to stop it. All the darkness and cupcakes only seemed to draw it into focus. They were right, Bobbie realized.

“She doesn’t joke anymore.” Heather said, her usually sunny expression falling. “Not with us anyway; every time I see her and that… that…”

“Fucking whore.” She spat. Bella and Amber looked at Heather, shocked.

“About fuckin’ time someone fuckin’ said it.” Bella exclaimed. “What the fuck is going on with her? She’s like a different person.”

“I know.” Bobbie said. “I hope for her sake it won’t last.”

Heather sighed. “But it’s going to break her heart. She deserves better than that.”

Beth, who had been quiet during the exchange suddenly looked up. “I don’t like her either.” She said timidly. This was shocking to everyone as well. Beth liked almost everybody, even the mention of Carla Castillo didn’t raise her ire.

Tim finally re entered the room. “Why does everyone look all down?”

“Kim,” Bobbie said. “Well… more Roxx.”

“We don’t like her.” Beth said with finality.

“Whoa.” He looked around. “Well, the signs are up. I guess that means we’re ready. Just need to finish school. A buzzing sounded. Beth jumped as if bitten by an unseen animal. The group looked at her quizzically. Her phone never rang.

“Hi… yes, this is…. Oh, hi Steve.” Beth squealed. Tim and Bobbie looked at Heather, who seemed just as shocked as they were. “I’d love to. Okay see you in a bit.”

Folding her phone, Heather looked at Beth.” What was that all about?”

“Steve just asked me to go miniature golfing with him.” Her face slackened in realization. “I have a date?”

“Fuckin’ sounds like it.” Bella said.

“I better get you ready.” Heather said mocking annoyance. “We’ll see you guys soon. Beth?”

Beth was both stunned and excited, she chatted excitedly at Heather as they walked to her car.

“Yeah, tomorrow’s Christmas Eve.” Amber said. “I should get home. I’ll call you or see you or.. whatever.”

“I’ll roll with ya.” Bella said. The girls got up, gathered their things, and left into the grey afternoon.

“I think we’re alone now.” Tim sang. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Kim. I don’t like Roxx.”

“She seems nice enough.” Tim said, sliding his arm around her shoulder. “Kim seems to like her.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of. She’s been getting high.”

Tim looked at her. “And…”

Bobbie sighed. “I had a problem, too. So did her brother.”

“She’ll be fine, she’s smart. You’re smarter.” Bobbie smiled.

“…and much cuter.” Tim finished, squeezing her closer. The smile continued, but the vacancy behind her eyes told Tim that the subject was far from forgotten.

“So, wanna go out and look at the lights tomorrow? I mean, I know it’s Christmas Eve, you probably have…”

“Sure. I’ll go. Sounds like fun.”

“Oh… I forgot. This is kind of your first Christmas, isn’t it?’

Bobbie reflected. In a way, I guess it is.

“Okay, sounds like fun.”

Chapter 24

It was cold, storm clouds had been gathering all day. Kim was gone, Sylvia was getting ready to leave. Apparently she and Roy hit it off at Thanksgiving and they had continued talking. She absently wondered if Beth had noticed.

She’s been busy with Steve. She thought.

Kim was gone, again. She had been gone a lot. She looked at the miniature Christmas tree that sat on the end table in the corner with presents sticking out from under it at Lovecraftian angles. She remembered an earlier life, one with a larger tree. One with more family members.

Now, things were not even remotely the same. Sylvia was leaving for the night with Roy. She was going out with Tim. The Pointe house would be very quiet this Christmas eve.

“Alright, Bobbie. How do I look?” Sylvia asked. She was wearing a dress. It was an old one, it still fit her, but may have come from the wrong decade. Like the 80s.

There was a knock at the door when Bobbie opened her mouth to speak. Sylvia quickly crossed the room and opened the door. Roy was there, in a slightly different suit, also looking like the 80s never died.

Bobbie grinned a little. “Just fine, Mom. Just fine.”

“Hi, Sylvia. You ready?” Roy asked smiling. Sylvia returned the expression and stepped out the door.

“You crazy kids have a good time, and you have her home by midnight mister.” Bobbie scolded, eliciting a laugh from the adults as they left.

Bobbie looked ruefully as the adults drove away. She needed to get out of the house, she needed a break from Kim…

And Roxx.

Bobbie looked at the clock and decided it was time to change. It was cold, and she knew she’d be walking around. She donned her cold weather gear just in time for the sound of Tim’s Vespa. As she pulled on her sweater, she reflected on what Tim had said.

Before Jeff died, Christmas used to be a big deal; large tree, many decorations…After his death, Christmas became a muted affair. Robb and Melanie never really celebrated either, finding solace in each other’s arms. Bobbie looked into the mirror and brushed her hair a few times. It was ‘Bobbie’s’ first Christmas, she felt it; the ‘Christmas Spirit’. She wasn’t sure if it was a byproduct of everything else that had happened this year, but she felt different. Was different.

Tim rode up not long after, wearing a heavy coat. Bobbie opened the door and pulled a beanie over her hair. It was cold, and there were streaks of clouds that threatened to gather hanging in the sky like ethereal ornaments attempting to find something to attach to.

“Hey, Bobbie. You ready?”

She nodded and started to reach for the spare helmet.

“Uh Uh. We’re walking. All the good lights are down here.” He extended his hand. Reaching into his jacket, he pulled out two cans. He handed one to Bobbie. Tim turned his upside down and pulled out a plastic tab, he indicated that Bobbie do the same. The cans hissed a little as they righted them. They flipped their cans over and…

“Careful, Bobbie. It’s hot.” Tim said, popping the top and sipping. To Bobbie’s surprise, it was. She sipped at hers as they started walking. Bobbie noticed the lights, it had been years since Christmas held any kind of special enticement, for Robb or Bobbie.

They walked and sipped their coffee. Turning a corner, Bobbie and Tim burst out laughing. One of the residents had but a large ‘L’ in green lights and a circle slash in red ones covering their roof. There were the obligatory manger displays, snowmen, and Santas with and without sleighs. Bobbie felt a strange warmth in her hand. Looking down, she realized that she’d been holding Tim’s hand. How long have I been doing that? She felt his hand, the skin was rough. A fleeting memory of young Robert, hold his father’s hand as they crossed the street crossed her mind. She remembered feeling happy to be out with him. Tim’s hand felt pleasant, she felt wanted. But like two different freeways that meet at the same exit, the journey had made everything different.

Tim and Bobbie returned to Bobbie’s house late, they had walked long after the self heating coffee had gone. Walked until the cold began to creep into their toes, after a hug, kiss, and ‘Merry Christmas’, Bobbie crept into the dark house. Small colored lights cast strange shadows on the corner. An oddly shaped form was bunched up on the couch. Upon closer inspection, she realized it was Kim. She was out cold, even Bobbies shaking couldn’t rouse her. Giving up, she quietly went to bed.

The next morning found Kim in the same place as Bobbie came down. This time, her shaking worked. Her eyes looked slightly sunken in, her skin pale. “Ugh.” She said, moving to a sitting position. “Too much last night.” She groaned

“Too much what?” Bobbie asked.

“Drank some vodka.” She smiled. “I was so messed up.”

“Kim…” Bobbie began.

Kim held up her hand. “I’ll be fine, once the coffee gets made.

“…Merry Christmas.”

Her eyelids stretched open. “Oh, yeah. I think I ‘m still a little high.”

Bobbie looked at her distastefully. “Keep it together today, Kim.” She warned.

Booze, pot. Jesus Kimster. This better not go any further.

Coffee was made, and Kim seemed slightly more human. “Merry, fuck it.” She reached into her jacket and pulled out a small package. “Roxx and I…” Bobbie cringed inside at the mention of her name. “…got this for you. “ She yawned.

Sylvia came downstairs to see a wakened Kim and Bobbie drinking coffee. “Merry Christmas.” She said, heading for the coffee maker.

“Merry Christmas, Mom.” Kim and Bobbie said, almost in stereo.