This morning I have been more calmly reading about certain diagnosisies, among them PTSD and BPD, because I have both. It is astonishing that while many of us think that it takes Military combat to get PTSD, the actual facts are that one can get it from a bad car accident, or an abusive traumatic childhood.
As far as BPD is concerned, this was a bitter pill to swallow, but it now seems much easier to deal with and I am now recognizing its effect in my life.
I am sharing my exploration into these issues in the hope that those with these diagnosis will find there path made easier; the way less traumatic.
Lately, basking in the warm light of acceptance that I have never experienced before, certain conduct patterns common to BPD folk become clearer. I sometimes find myself so happy that it feels heady, almost as if I am high on drugs, though I take none. For a long time, I have worried that I might me Bipolar, but could not reason out why if Bipolar, I did not go for walks in the freeway, imagining that I am Jesus? :)
In groups of people, as I look around me, things that make me giggle, hop around, and become highly animated do not make other women do the same. In truth, I have wondered for a long time why they are so muted in their responses? In truth it is my own volume that is turned up so high. :)
Another trait can get us in a lot of trouble is exceeding self deprecation. It is with astonishment I find that those feelings are abnormal, and I will have to learn to deal with them in a rational way, although they could be partially genetic, according to the wiki on they subject.
It is with trepidation that I have watched certain persons act out loudly and with great animation at situations that others would remain calm and discuss intelligently.
Will any of this study eventually lead me to attempt a return to life as a male? HAH, AS IF ! Um excuse me just letting my drama queen BPD personality out for a very brief romp. :) Down girl, down.
Comments
Very Interesting,
My take on these psych problems and GID is that GID, G Dysphoria, TSism and the like are caused in utero. I had BPD and exhibited many of its symptoms post op and after being fired for transitioning on the job. Apparently, people can age out of BPD, because it's very similar to being immature; teenagers typically act like they have BPD. I don't recall biological reasons for having BPD, but books I have on BPD, relate it to childhood issues that are unresolved. It's also typical for a later transitioning TS to have some social immaturity, because one can't mature as sis kids do during our (wrong sex) puberty. Some might become mature enough during RLT and others might need to be post-op for any number of years.
Like Gwen says, one might have PSTD from a traffic accident, a gory or other death of a parent, etc., but it could be caused by childhood or later abuse. I think that both BPD and PTSD could be caused by early social problems within family or with bullies, major rejection by kids and/or adults in school, church, sports teams, scouts etc. These "problems" often come from intolerance/ignorance of the child's GID. This means, to me, that GID comes first then psych problems happen from a lack of love, respect and empathy from others in one's life.
Hugs and Bright Blessings,
Renee
Exactly what I think.
What you said in the last sentence or two, is exactly my experience. In my present situation, I am completely accepted, even loved. This sort of situation has come a long way toward making me asymptomatic. The recent revelations I am having regarding BPD are very surprising but also validating.
My only progress with PTSD is that those crazy mixed up feelings I have are real, but I must learn not to allow them to rule my life. Disassociation still remains an issue but is diminished.
Gwen
GIDdy!!!
...I had a nice long drink of Diethylstilbestrol in utero, which makes me a DES 'boy.' I suffer from PTSD from abuse as a child and I'm likely bi-polar, which is probably genetic. All of which are related in that they have to do with the brain, but unrelated in that they can be exclusive from one another. Goodness gracious; that's why I'm a mess. Hi NeeNee!
Love, Andrea Lena
Immersion in normal culture.
Both my diagnoses were back in 2005, but I could not see the truth in them for years because I was socially isolated in real life. Now that my life is so normalized and I have frequent positive contact with other people, I was able to read the information with a new view.
I can't change anything, nor do I wish to, but when I was first outed in 2004, just before Christmas, I can now see that if I had experienced a loving an supportive family, I doubt that my GID would have gotten so out of control that I became surgical. I am working with a group that is really trying to understand the etiology of these situations with the aim of modernizing treatment protocols, and taking the lunch of those who profit on the plight of GID folk. I believe that many of the so called GID counselors are doing it simply to make a bunch of money, and the same goes for the surgeons.
I will acknowledged that there are certain of us who rightly feel that surgery is the sole solution. While I am extremely happy as a woman, I often wonder if I had experienced a "real" father, not satan himself, and a mother who was not bipolar and very damaged, herself, if I could have lived a normal life as a mild, slightly effeminate man.
There is no effort to invalidate the Trans-sexual experience at all. I just mean to be part of the effort to see that society treats us with love, and that bonafide T women learn to be women that are socially acceptable in main stream society. I find that certain of us should be kept apart and made to suffer and feel guilt to be abominable.
I still have a huge problem with men in that if one speaks gruffly to me or touches to me, I feel like I need to do anything he wants. In kink circles this is called being Submissive, and I am that if anything.
Gwen
A "real" father
Gwen,
I experienced a "real" father and an absent mother. (That is after first grade. before then, it was dysfunctional mother and absent father.) My father "discovered" my transvestism when I was 9 and chose to ignore it and then when I was in my teens, he caught me at it, but before he could confront me I'd changed back to boy clothes. He simply told me that I shouldn't let people see me because they'd think I was crazy, then I ignored it again. When I was 17 my older, married sister got a pretty reliable report form someone she trusted that I had been cross-dressing and came to confront me in my father's presence. She proceeded to list all the times she had suspected that I'd been into her clothes. Since the source she cited had had ample opportunity to know for sure that I had, I didn't deny anything and had a frank discussion of when I started "borrowing" her things and how often I had indulged. Dad listened to the whole exchange and when my sister left to let him deal with it, he went to the kitchen to get himself a cup of coffee and started dinner, never saying a word about it.
I grew up thinking that I just needed a woman in my life. (My mother having been absent since I was 7.) I was sure that when I married that would be all the feminine input I needed and I'd stop cross-dressing. (Ha! I can hear everyone reading this snickering because it didn't work for them either.)
My wife got it thrown in her face five years into our marriage when she caught me. I was smart enough to know by then it wasn't something that would go away and told her so. She chose to hang in there and we stayed married, raised two daughters (both of whom know) and now, since I turned fifty, I've dressed daily at home and since I've turned 60 I've been going out en femme with her knowledge.
As a result, I'm happily a feminine man. I owe it all to my wife who chose to hang in even when it was all uncomfortable for her.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Ich bin eine Mann
As it should be.
Your acceptance is as it should be. They are just clothes damnit! People foolishly believe Deut 22:5 is about clothing, what idiots.
G
Submissive?
Being submissive in kink circles is far more complicated than that, and anyone who entered the world of kink thinking it was that simple would be in for a rude awakening.
-
You can't choose your relatives but you can choose your family.
Big debate in Britain
about the nature of mental illness and questioning by psychologists the biological model used by psychiatry. You might find both these articles interesting. They also suggest that in the UK DSM5 is largely irrelevant.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/may/12/medicine-dsm5-...
http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2013/may/12/psychiatrists-...
Angharad
Love and nurture as a cure.
I generally think that Psychiatrists are about as useless as a row boat in a hurricane. I have walked out on two of them. Counselors, the MSW kind are much better, but sometimes the responses they give me drive me to distraction. I think the key treatment for mental health disorders are love and acceptance. Drugs should be avoided if possible. I was on huge doses of Celexa, Welbutrin and Trazidone prior to my GID manifesting in such a way as to become unmanageable without surgery. I would likely be dead owing to the side effects, but I read the DSM and came upon the place where they said that Surgery is the cure for GID. After I had the surgery, I reasoned I was cured and insisted that I get off the drugs. I met considerable resistance but did it, though it was a struggle of considerable magnitude.
Thank you for the links. I am going to finish reading them now.
Gwendolyn
Loving culture
I'm not going to mention the name of the culture I am in because I just want to talk about certain effects of being in that culture, and I know that certain of you have had negative experiences there.
Love and nurture are key in my opinion. One thing I have noticed is that they are extremely positive and supportive to each other, including me. Negative criticism is not supported. Self depricative comments are strongly discouraged. New members after a period of nurturing and conditioning are put right to work and made to feel part of something.
I am not necessarily recruiting for this group, but simply see the organization culture as quite restorative. There are certain aspects of the group that some would find untenable.
G
Yes and No
My therapist shared a paper with me on GID & PTSD... They are not directly related. However, when you have GID (or Gender Diasphora) many experience many of the same symptoms as those experiencing PTSD... Two different causes of mental stress with similar symptoms. Makes sense when you consider many diseases share the same symptoms as well.
Annette
Exacerbated symptoms
I think that GID would be small berries if people around us would be human about it. Who makes GID traumatic? Why it is the red neck ass holes. I am sure of it.
I knew very early I was a girl, and I was good with it. It was my stepfather that made everything miserable.
G