I saw this article today, and wonder if she is one of us.(What I intended to say was, is she on this site?) The article says that she and her family stayed together. Was it because she was honest and straightforward in sharing with her wife? Perhaps her wife is the most remarkable person we have never met.
My own experience in coming out was like WWIII, and left utterly total destruction in its path. Every single day I have to decide not to take my life, today.
Things have gotten better for us. In the 50's mostly we were just killed. In the future, I hope that more transitions will come out this way. Until then, there are many miles to go until I sleep, many miles to go...
http://shine.yahoo.com/parenting/transgender-author-jennifer...
Comments
Fear...
...I remain as I am because I fear to lose my family. How wonderful to see someone else' success, and a joy to behold. It does give me hope if ever so small.
Love, Andrea Lena
you've made an incredibly brave choice, Drea
I stand in awe of your strength of character in deciding to put your family first.
I wish I could have done that. I just wasnt strong enough.
Ah Yahell...nice article but it's comments are...
Well they're the typical comments coming off of Yahoo :(
Ick...Ick and Banjoes.
Bailey Summers
I don't get...
I don't get your question.
My wife and family are among my strongest supporters! I've heard of a few other cases where the family's love and trust in each has been enough (when they worked at it) to stay together. I've heard my wife say some of the same things Deedie said in the interview. But then, Jenny and Deedie are newlywed (only 25 years together now)...
I suspect a big chunk of the difference in outcomes come from at least these _____ factors:
1) Expectations - what do they expect out of life?
2) Intellectual Understanding - Do they "get" what is going on with their spouse - at least at an intellectual level.
3) Experience - How has the couple related over the years.
4) Extended Family - If the extended family is supportive, immediate members are more likely to be supportive
5) Willingness of BOTH parties to WORK to maintain the relationship
Were things perfectly smooth for us? No... My wife needed a few months of therapy to work through her issues. But, she was willing to do this. (A big part was whether or not she was willing to be perceived as living in a lesbian relationship and how that would impact our kids and her.)
Your experience is VERY foreign to me... The worst fights my wife and I've ever had were when we each wanted to do what the other wanted, but neither were willing to say what we wanted (if there was such a thing)...
Things ARE better today. 25 years ago, when I was first planning to transition, divorce was REQUIRED (to be considered for HRT). Even ten years ago, most places required couples divorce. And, Deedie's comment about not being sure she wanted to be a lesbian is telling. Many may not be able to, despite really loving their spouses. We do ask a lot of our families when we transition!
I have no reason to think that Jenny is a post-op trans like she says. She is also a best selling author though... And as a result far above my writing level. :-)
Annette
P.S. I don't believe she's on the site. But you can interact with her on Facebook, Twitter & even "real life"...
Her book
Her book was titled "She's not there: A tale of two genders" or similar.
They even did Oprah a few years ago.
It's probably mentioned in the article. Goo read.
Actually...
Actually, she's got three books that are autobiographical. The latest "parenting in three genders".
Jennifer Boylan
I have talked with her about this site but I do not think she is on here as a member. Dorothy and I communicate with her on Facebook though.
Hugs,
Jenna From FL
Moderator/Editor
TopShelf BigCloset
It is a long road ahead but I will finally become who I should be.
We all make our choices
Depending on POV one would think one is stronger in different ways. If one makes the decision to be true to themselves and am willing to sacrifice what is most dear to be true to ones self then that is strength in a different way then deciding to not cross over and suffer for the sake of something beyond ones' self.
Glass half full or half empty.
OR one could say one is too cowardly to live ones dream because of fear or one is too selfish if they choose themselves over the need of others.
Frankly family should support you. My POV, FWIW, is if they are so close minded and uncaring enough not to sacrifice a little of their own happiness to support one of there own who is in pain then how much do they truly love you? I mean, I hear stories of people of compassion giving kidneys to total strangers yet 'family' is unwilling to donate a bit of their own happiness?
My mother till the day she died could not understand or accept what I am in terms of identity and consequently I did not visit her as often as I could have. I did visit but only the minimum amount and that was as much of a compromise I could make.
We all make a difference balance of choices, it is neither right nor wrong.
Kim