By: Emily Rudgers

I don’t know which way I’m heading,
I keep going on as I always have but don’t move anywhere
Before I learned your name I was able to go through the motions
Doing exactly what was expected and only what was expected
Now that I know you I find this life not enough
I want more, to feel your happiness fill me up inside.

How can I escape this never ending walking in place?
I try every avenue I know and am left with nothing
The only options left the ones I swore to never take
If I dare try one I fear I will be shunned into solitude
Looking around my stationary point I am already alone
What have I to lose but my overpowering distress?

My first step towards your forbidden love I fly
Steps are skipped as I frolic towards happiness
When I return back from my soaring I find myself behind my fixed point
I have moved backwards in my journey, having torn my identity in your embrace
Shunning this option for its lack of helpfulness I find myself back at the first step of the path
With every step I try to take forward I find you waiting

I want to give in to your comforting care but I can’t make it there from my point in the path
I struggle in place searching for a shortcut until I am left with one option
I head back another step to a point I never remember being at
I see you at the end of this new path with open arms
With timid steps I head towards you
I gain speed as each step comes without resistance
I reach you at a full sprint and barrel into you
In that moment we become one, never to be separated again.
Sometimes going backwards is moving forwards.