There you stand in your compassionate manner
Desperately coaxing me to tell you what troubles me
Soothing me with words to never fear, you will always love me

I stumble with false starts, to find the words I masterfully planned
Words that abandoned me to avoid the conversation just as I have
With deep breath, I recall the number of times I have tried to tell you

The number of times you have given me that look in hopes this would be the time
A look that I will never receive the same way from you again
A look that I wish I could preserve through to the end of time

With a sharp intake of air, I do the impossible
I blurt the words that come to mind in all of their glorified disarray
I see it in your eyes and sudden stop in breath that you understand

In the chaos of words the point came across
I forget to breath, my mouth runs dry, and my insides decide to twirl
Your compassionate face goes to that of a poker face

My heart starts pounding causing my head to swim
I want to fix this somehow. I try to explain
My vocabulary serving little value to explain complex emotions

As my voice washes over you, I see the poker face cracking
With hope that I am helping I push on with the end all phrase
“I’m sorry”

At this the poker face is destroyed, replaced by that reserved for evils
You lash out in retaliation in what I have said
I do what is needed of me. I take it, all of it
The curses, the threats, the hatred, the fear, the confusion, and the regret
Every bit of it I endure showing no expression

My insides have all but been heaved out
My mouth a desert and my heart beating so fast it is a monotone
But my face shows nothing

My heart and mind feeling wrung out and stomped on
But my face shows nothing

My eyes burn with the desire to cry
A single tear falls, betraying my facade
At sight of the tear you burst into sheer outrage

I endure more of your punishment and torture
More tears fall but my face still portrays nothing

After an eternity, you run out of steam.
Collecting your breath for another round
I prepare for the assault but it does not come

You just glare directly at my eyes
With a single twinge in my eye expression
Everything changes, you realize just how far you went
Not knowing what to do you walk away without a backwards glance

Here I stand alone and broken but with a treasure
I am not afraid
You did your worst and I am still standing