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Edited by S.L.Hawke
Image Copyright © 2012 Tracey Willows

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The Taylor Project
 

Chapter Thirty-One

Tuesday, March 12th — Taylor Project Day 71

Things are still awkward between me and Cathy. I know she is trying to accept me, but it's so obvious that this is hard for her. I’m not finding it easy to be romantic either. We’ve kissed and held hands since, but I haven’t felt that zing since first real kiss. I’m not sure why that one time was different, but it was. I promised to try, but I feel like I’m just going through the motions. I wonder if she is also just going through the motions of accepting me?

We went back out to Little China this morning, and this time we were better prepared. We had two changes of girl clothes for me along with makeup and nail polish. At first there was an obvious difference in attitude between my two teachers. Right from the start Hailey was positive and upbeat. She was quick to laugh and joke, and even when I made a mistake I had the feeling she was helping me get better. Cathy, on the other hand, grew distant as soon as I stopped presenting as a boy. She helped and gave opinions when asked, but she didn’t volunteer as much.

Hailey, who I’m convinced more than ever should become a therapist, helped Cathy get more involved. Since Cathy was the more skeptical one, Hailey challenged Cathy to be my tester. Cathy was to come up with questions and things for me to do that would trip me up and reveal that I was really a boy in drag. Cathy was reluctant at first, but as the morning progressed she became a more willing participant in girl school. I think I surprised her by the things I got right without even having to be coached. That happened a lot more than she seemed to expect, but not as often as I thought it would. Oh, well. Apparently I still have a lot to learn about being a girl. At first Cathy seemed smug to catch me out and find things that any girl would know, but as the day wore on she started to act more like Hailey, finding them amusing or even laugh out loud funny. So I think we made progress.

One big glaring gap in my education shone out above all the others today. Cathy asked a very simple question, ‘What do you think of Hailey’s outfit?’ My reply of, ‘It’s cute,’ got me a big old F on that section of the girl test. Apparently I’m not hopeless since I at least have opinions about clothes. I know what I like and what I don’t like. I like Hailey’s girly girl style a lot better than Cathy’s tomboy look, but what I didn’t have was the vocabulary to talk about clothes. I really needed more words than just cute to describe what I liked and did not. Girls use a lot more words to describe clothes than boys do. We’re supposed to go back out tomorrow morning and this time both girls are bringing some catalogs and magazines. So tomorrow is going to be Fashion 101 for the testosterone impaired.

It was also obvious that I need to practice with makeup some more. While I tried doing it with a hand mirror, both girls agreed that it was best to practice before a full-sized mirror first. If Grandma ever leaves Hailey and I alone indoors that’s what we plan to focus on.

Chapter Thirty-Two

“It’s time. It’s time!” squealed Hailey. “Come on phone, ring! Maybe we should call them. Do you think we should call them?”

While Hailey was one of my two BFFs, at that moment I was about ready to strangle her. Two hours ago Dad had called Grandma and Julie had texted Hailey. That’s why we were back at the house waiting for the phone to ring. We were all supposed to be available for a phone call that should be starting any minute. Apparently Julie wasn’t answering Hailey’s text messages, which might be because she was on a boat at sea, but Hailey was convinced that there could only be one reason to get us all together for a phone call like this. She thought Dad and Julie were engaged. Hailey was bouncing off the walls of the living room and the ceilings too. She even had me half-convinced. I mean, what else could it be? Still, given the way she was acting, I felt like I had to keep my cool. If Dad hadn’t proposed Hailey would need someone to catch her because she was going to be heartbroken. So I was cautiously hopeful inside but trying to stay calm on the outside.

I grabbed her hand for like the twelfth time in the past five minutes. “Hailey, chill, okay? They’ll call any time now.”

Rick sat in the recliner with his arms crossed, obviously annoyed. Grandma looked more composed, but I knew her well enough to know she was probably as excited as Hailey. She just hid it better. Little old ladies didn’t get to act like teenage girls.

The phone rang shattering the tense silence as if it were the bells of Notre Dame. Everyone jumped and Grandma grabbed the phone. “Hello? Yes, Robert we’re all here. I’m putting you on speaker now.”

“Hello, everyone.” The connection wasn’t perfect; my Dad’s voice was broken up by a bit of static, and there was music playing in the background, but it came through loud and clear.

“Hi everyone,” added Julie. “I hope you’re all sitting down because we’ve got big news! Go ahead, Rob.”

“I proposed to Julie and she said yes.”

“Yes!” Loud squeals of joy, which I attributed to Hailey, pierced my eardrums. We hugged and bounced and did a victory boogie. Grandma and Rick tried to shout congratulations. Somewhere in the midst all that happy chaos, I realized that the squealing wasn’t all Hailey. Mortifyingly, half of those girly sounds were coming from my throat.

Julie kept trying to talk and eventually made herself heard. “It sounds like y’all approve. That’s good because there’s more. Rob and I started talking about timing, when to get married and everything. I so didn’t want to do another elaborate wedding. We’re in Mexico anyway, and one thing led to another, and… we eloped!”

“Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!” that was certainly Hailey. My shouts were just squeals of pure glee. I was too incoherent to form words.

Meanwhile Rick blurted out an eloquent, “No fucking way!”

Grandma was saying something, but Hailey and I were both going so crazy that I couldn’t hear her. “Do you realize what this means, Hailey? We’re sisters!”

“Oh yeah! That’s so cool!”

Wait, what did I just say? I just outed myself, but no one seemed to notice. In fact Dad was laughing. “Well, you’re siblings. Step-siblings technically, but I’d appreciate it if we dropped the step part of it and could just be family.”

“So what happens next? I mean, are they like moving in permanently, or are we getting a new place?” asked Rick.

“Yes, they’re moving in as soon as we can manage it,” said Dad.

Grandma finally got a word in. “Congratulations! I’m so happy for both of you, but no wedding?”

“I’ve done the big wedding thing,” said Julie. She sounded very happy and not at all upset about not having a wedding. “Mine turned into a big spectacle for other people. A marriage is supposed to be about two people loving each other. We can have a party after things settle down, but we had a beautiful ceremony on a spectacular white sand beach, and I am happy with that.”

“Oh Momma! Your cruise is now your honeymoon! That’s so cool,” gushed Hailey.

“Look, everyone, we’d like to talk more, but the phone charges are ridiculous and Hailey is right. This is our honeymoon, and we’ll sort out the details when we get home. We know it is a lot to take in, and a lot to sort out, but we’ll get through it. We just wanted to let you know. Hailey, I’m glad you're happy. Rick and Scott, I know we haven’t had much time and I don’t want to take your mother’s place, but I think we can be a happy family. Just give us a chance, please? Bea, you raised a wonderful son.”

They were hanging up already. Oh God, Julie was my mom now. Taking my mother’s place? That wouldn’t be hard. She just had to try sometimes. I realized I missed part of the communications and everyone was saying goodbye. “Bye Dad! Bye Julie!” Was that wrong? Should I have called her mom?

The next few minutes were very disorganized with everyone talking on top of each other. Hailey was over the top. I was almost as bad, but after that slip at calling us sisters I was a bit more controlled. Rick was sulking and Grandma was mostly in shock. However, it was Grandma who finally got it together. “You know what? This calls for a celebration. Everyone get dressed up fancy. We’re going out to dinner, my treat.”

“But Grandma, I have a date,” objected Rick.

“Richard Dwight Miller, how often does your father get married? You’ve been out with that Stephanie girl every night this week. I don’t know how you can call it a date when you never take her anywhere. Regardless, your little girlfriend can wait this once. Family first. You can spend this one night with us while we celebrate. Now go get dressed up.”

I was tempted to applaud her and shout ‘Go Grandma’, but that probably wouldn’t help. Instead I just shared a look with Hailey, then we rushed off to get dressed. About the only thing that could make this day better would be if I was putting on an actual dress instead of a suit, but that would have to wait a while. Tonight was about Dad and Julie, not me.

Wednesday, March 13th — Taylor Project Day 73

Dear Diary, I think I’m still on a happiness high from learning Dad and Julie got married yesterday. The future is looking bright, not just for Dad and Julie, but for me being Taylor. I thought I knew my dad, but the fact that he and Julie eloped shows I didn’t really know him as well as I thought I did. Under all the sports and the 'be a man' stuff there is romance in his heart. Really I knew that. I mean, he’s the same person who used to read me a bedtime story every night until I got too old for it. We don’t always see eye to eye, and I know what he’s said about gay marriage: ‘It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.’ But even there, he can’t really blow his top now. Julie walked out when her husband hit her. She wouldn’t really stand around while Dad hit me, I think. No, I'm sure. Not that it would come to that. Or could it? OK, I’m happy and scared both.

I’ve been so happy, and it hasn’t just been from Dad and Julie getting married. I spent the morning out in the bamboo thicket again with Cathy and Hailey getting girl lessons. Today was all about fashion, words to describe clothing and styles, as well as what I liked and what I didn’t. While I love the lessons, I think I’m even more pleased that Cathy seems to be accepting me more and more. I’m trying with the romance thing, but it isn’t working on either side. She only kisses me when I’m dressed as Scotty, and there is a sadness in her even then when she does it, but as Taylor our friendship is blossoming like never before. She even got my unruly black mop of hair to be somewhat girly. Her trick was creating an off-center part and pulling one side back with a barrette. It is still short, but the barrette took it out of a boy look into something resembling what she called a 'modern pixie' hairstyle. I only have to be Scotty where Grandma can see me, and it has been like the whole world is coming alive after winter... and so am I.

I do have a new dilemma to face. Do I tell Dad and Julie as soon as they get back from what is now their honeymoon that I’m TG? I know that I have to tell them soon. I’m running out of time. (a) The weather is getting hotter and I can’t keep up the layers of shirts for much longer. (b) My hormones won’t stay on the estrogen side and I don’t want to go through male puberty. (c) I have a time limit. In six weeks I go back to the allergist. Even if I didn’t have a time limit, I just don’t want to be Scotty any longer. I’ve gotten a taste of freedom the past few days. The thought of going back to School as Scotty on Monday is just bleh. Not that I can get around that; even if I tell them Sunday night, I’m still going to school as Scotty on Monday. But every day that I wait is another day that I have to pretend to be him.

Really, I’ve got to bite the bullet and do it soon, but maybe one more week would be better. That would give things a chance to settle down from the honeymoon, and give us some time to deal with merging the families together. I know I was planning to do it as soon as they got back, but do I really want to drop this bomb on Dad and Julie on our first day as a new family? One more week won’t hurt anything, right?

Chapter Thirty-Three

“The sun did not shine
It was too wet to cosplay.
So we sat in the house
All that cold, cold, wet day.

I sat there with Hailey.
We sat there, we two.
And I said, ‘How I wish
We had something to do!’”

Hailey cut off my modified recitation of the Cat in the Hat by tossing a pillow at my head. “It’s not that bad, you goof. Cathy will be here soon. We can’t go to Little China and let Taylor come out to play, but we can still watch movies. Come on, we haven’t played DDR in a while.”

“I suppose.” OK, we hadn’t had a good DDR session in ages and that could be fun. I bent over and picked up the pillow she’d tossed at me. Hailey was alertly watching, so I held it casually hoping she’d let her guard down. “It’s just that after three days of getting to be myself it feels like a prison sentence.”

Hailey scooped up another of my pillows and held it in front of her like a shield. Clearly she was not buying my casual stance. “Taylor, no offense meant, but even if it wasn’t raining, I would not be going back to those woods to swap clothes. I still can’t believe you didn’t warn me about those things.”

“And I can’t believe you grew up in East Texas and never had ticks before.” I took a better grip on the pillow I was holding. Hailey might not be buying my innocent act, but the mention of ticks distracted her. During her bath yesterday night, she had not been pleased to find a tick clinging to her leg. Her shrieks had been truly epic.

“Well, maybe I did when I was a little kid, but not in years. I don't want those things crawling on my skin and sucking my blood. They’re so gross!”

She had relaxed her guard just a bit and in that moment I attacked, swinging my pillow at her. “Revenge is a dish best served fluffy.”

The line might have gone better if she hadn’t blocked with her pillow. With much chasing and giggling, and very little actual contact, the fight was on.

= = =

It really wasn’t as bad as I’d feared. After Cathy braved the rain to come over, we played DDR for a while and I kicked, and shook, serious ass, but still lost out to Hailey most of the time. We nuked some popcorn and watched some chick flicks. In honor of Dad and Julie getting married they all had a stepfamily theme. I felt wrong dressed as Scotty, but I had on panties and painted toenails were hidden under my socks. It gave me something of my inner girl to hang onto.

It was almost noon before Rick returned wet and dripping from his morning workout in the barn. He interrupted the Brady Movie with a sarcastic remark. “Enjoying the movie, girls?”

I know he meant that as an insult and it wasn’t even really about me. He was still pissed that we’d moved the exercise equipment out to the barn to give Hailey a temporary bedroom. He was lashing out at her as much as me. His comment didn't bother me at all. In fact I took his insult for a compliment. “Yes we are. You wanna come join us? We’ve got popcorn drenched in salt and butter.”

“Jesus, Scotty, look at yourself; you look like a girl. Is it any wonder they pick on you at school? No offense to you real girls.”

“What’s wrong with the way I look?” I smiled at him. I was one of the real girls. Even dressed like this, he could see the real me shining through.

“You’re laying there like a girl. Guys don’t lay down like that.”

I took in my pose. I was just laying on my stomach propped up on my arms facing the TV. Just the same as Hailey and Cathy. It really wasn’t that girly. “Oh, what’s wrong with the way I’m sitting? Would this be better?” I bent my knees bringing my feet up and back bouncing them above my ass. Now this was a girl pose.

“God, what a fag. They’re your bruises, Snotty. Anyway, I’m out of here.” He grabbed his jacket. “Grandma, I’ll be home late,” he yelled. He waved at her in the kitchen, then ducked out the door and raced for his truck.

“Good riddance.” Although I waited until he was out of the room to say it. “Would whoever has the remote please rewind.”

“I’ve got it.” Cathy pointed the remote at the TV, pressed pause and then rewind. She lowered her voice to whisper. “You know he has a point. Your grandma is in the next room. Maybe you should be a little more Scott and a little less Taylor.”

“Why bother? I’m out of the closet in three days. I didn’t even realize what I was doing until Rick pointed it out. Maybe it will do some good to drop some hints.”

“I’m just worried about you.” Cathy sighed. “Hailey, what do you think?”

Hailey shook her head. “I think Rick’s a bully and Grandma enables him. That stuff he was spouting was verbal abuse. We’re being quiet, but he was loud enough for her to hear. She could have stopped it or even just scolded him. She did nothing.”

This wasn’t a new argument. Hailey and Rick had ignored each other before, but now that we were a family they had discovered they didn’t like each other much. “Let’s not get into that again, Hailey. Our parents will be back in two days. Can we just play the movie?”

= = =

I kept watching Grandma. I knew she wouldn’t nap before lunch which is why were in the living room watching movies. After lunch we went back to my room to play DDR. I kept checking in on her, hoping Grandma would take a nap. Whenever I was the person sitting out and waiting for my turn, I’d creep down the hallway and look in on her. I was starting to think she wouldn’t crash, but she finally did. I hurried right back to my room.

“She’s down. Come on, let’s break out the clothes. I want to try walking in heels.” That was something I really hadn’t been able to try out in the woods. “Cathy, you did bring the shoes didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I brought them. They’re my mom’s shoes so they might fit. You had better be careful with them.”

I quickly had Hailey’s clothes out from my stash. After a few days of changing clothes in front of them, I didn’t feel quite so shy about my body as I had at first. I wasn’t about to take off my panties, but I didn’t bother to hide as I swapped out my sports bra for a regular bra. I managed it easily all by myself. I slipped into the pink top and the denim skirt before sitting down in front of my mirror.

Hailey handed over her make-up. “You do it from scratch this time.”

“Yes!” I eagerly reached for the small bag. I was such a mooch, not that Hailey minded sharing that much. They’d told me that you really shouldn’t borrow makeup, especially eye makeup, but I was fascinated with the stuff. It was a very visible symbol of femininity.

Cathy frowned. “Should you really be doing makeup? You can’t hide that in an instant if your Grandma wakes up.” She stood by the open door to my bedroom to act as a lookout, but she was watching me.

“I’m not putting on much.” At least, I was trying not to put on too much. Hailey was my role model for makeup and hers was minimal: mascara, a touch of blush and lip gloss. Yet, that little bit made a big difference.

“You’re laying it on too thick,” said Cathy.

I put on the finishing touches and looked to Hailey. “Is she right, too much?”

Hailey frowned for a moment. “Yes and no. It’s a better job and passable, but still a bit too much.”

“Ok, I’ll do it again then, until I get it right.” Getting it right took me two more tries before my friends agreed that I hadn’t overdone it. Now it was time for the shoes. The pair that Cathy had liberated from her mother’s closet were a simple white pump with about a two inch heel. The heel didn’t look that bad. What was more important to me was that they were actual girl shoes that could fit me. I slipped my feet into them, feeling my smile slip a little as it turned out they didn’t quite fit right. They were a little big on me, but at least I could wear them.

I took a few steps and immediately discovered that despite having a low heel, there was a big difference in walking in women’s shoes rather than men’s. “Wow, I really feel wobbly.”

Hailey glanced over to Cathy. “I think I would have started him with flats.”

“Hey, he asked for girl shoes so that’s what I got.” She shrugged and looked like she was trying not to laugh. “Try taking smaller steps and more in a straight line.”

“And don’t work your hips,” advised Hailey. “Try to relax and just let it happen.”

“I’m not trying to work my hips! These shoes are too loose.”

“Hands down. You’re not balancing on a tightrope,” called Cathy from her post by the door.

That was easier said than done. I wasn’t trying to work my hips but I felt like I was learning to ride a bike without training wheels. My feet kept moving around inside the shoes, but slowly it started to get easier. “Like this?”

Cathy suddenly whirled around. “Hide, hide, hide!”

Chapter Thirty-Four

I jumped up in sudden panic. Grandma was coming! What to do? I looked around my room as if I had a magic hole or a Tardis to jump into. However, there was only one place to hide, my closet. I rushed toward it or at least tried to. I stumbled on the heels, caught myself on my desk, and banged my hip painfully in the process.

“Oh my sweet Jesus!” Grandma’s hands flew to her mouth as she saw me standing there in girls clothes and makeup. “Scott Taylor Miller! What are you doing dressed like that?”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” I backed away from her gaze, but I was trapped. I felt like a convict trying to make my escape over the fence, only to get caught in the middle of the yard by a searchlight — nowhere to run and nowhere to hide. I’d backed up to the closet and my back was pressing up against the closed door. No, no, no, this was bad, bad!

“Answer my questions young man! Did you two girls put him up to this?”

As guilty as I felt and as busted as I was, that was still something I could do. Hailey and Cathy didn’t have to go down with me. I grabbed onto that. “No, it was me. I put them up to this. It was my idea. Cathy was against it from the start.”

Grandma glanced at Cathy. “Well at least one of you had some sense. So Hailey has been helping you… do this?” Her gaze turned to Hailey, and Grandma looked at her like she was some cockroach that had skittered out from the floorboards.

Hailey moved over beside me. “It will work out,” she whispered. She turned to face Grandma. “Yes, I’ve been helping Taylor.” She clearly wasn’t backing down.

I hadn’t meant to toss Hailey under the bus. “It wasn’t Hailey’s doing either. It was mine.” I grabbed Hailey’s hand and squeezed it tight drawing strength from the contact.

Cathy backed away from Grandma arriving at my side. She grabbed my hand. “Ma’am it’s not his fault.”

“Cathy Andrews, you get your things and go home right now. I have enough to deal with these other two.”

Cathy squeezed my hand hard, but she stood her ground and shook her head. “I’m sorry, ma’am. I can't do that.”

“It’s OK, Cath,” said Hailey. “We’ve got this. There are enough people involved as it is.”

What? Why was Hailey sending Cathy away? My mind felt like it was running slow, but I suddenly saw Hailey’s point. It was bad enough trying to explain to Grandma. Explaining to Cathy’s mom, the conservative Sunday School teacher who said ‘Oh Sugar’ instead of ‘Oh Shit’? No, we did not need her involved. I managed to nod an agreement. “Hailey’s right. We’re good.”

“All right.” She leaned in, kissed me and took off running. She almost knocked Grandma over on the way out. I heard the front door slam as she went through it.

Grandma looked at us two. “That’s one down. Hailey White, go to your room, young lady. You’re in trouble up to your neck, but I’ll deal with you later. Scotty, get out of those clothes this instant.”

“Mrs. Miller, I don’t mean any disrespect,” Hailey said in a tone that was polite but firm. “But I’m not leaving Taylor right now. She’s my sister and she needs me. I know this will be hard-“

Grandma cut her off mid-sentence. “Sister? She? Scotty is my grandson. I changed his diapers and he’s not a girl. I don’t know what you’ve got him believing missy, but it stops right now.”

“Grandma, no!” Thankfully I found my voice; too bad it was a babbling voice. “She doesn’t have me believing anything. This is me. All of this is me: waist, hips and the boobs. That’s just the outside. I’m a girl inside and that’s what counts. For what it’s worth I was going to tell Dad and Julie when they got home from their cruise. I wouldn’t have told you like this, but the shit was going to hit the fan in three days anyway.”

“Scotty, I’m going to wash your mouth out. This ain’t right. It’s unnatural. No grandson of mine is going to be a cross dressing tranny sissy.”

I held my ground and held hands with Hailey. I didn’t feel as brave as my words. My heart was pounding and I couldn’t breathe. “Actually I’m transgendered, not a transvestite, and I’m not a crossdresser because a girl should wear girl’s clothes.”

Grandma looked liked I’d slapped her. “Scott Taylor Miller, you are being an abomination to the Lord and I won’t allow. You’re putting yourself on the road to hell and I’m putting a stop to it right now. Bend your ass over that bed right now. I’m going to tan the nonsense out of your hide.”

“What?” A spanking? OMG, she was serious. “I’m not a child. I haven’t had a spanking in years!”

“You’re acting like a child. I’m going to treat you like one. It’s what the good book says, ‘Spare the rod and spoil the child’. You’ve been spoiled too long.” She moved forward and grabbed me by the arm.

I yanked myself free and edged away. My sweet Grandma wasn’t big or strong, but she was heavy and angry. I just wanted to get away from her, but she was backing us into a corner of the room. I started mentally weighing the possibility of jumping onto my bed and scrambling away. Maybe I could make a break for it...

Hailey exploded into action while I merely backed away. “Oh no you don’t! Leave him alone you big bully!” She rushed forward and got between me and my grandmother.

I grabbed Hailey. “No! Hailey, stop! I’m fine. Don’t.” I grabbed for Hailey and caught her by her shirt. Everything seemed to be happening so fast.

My grip on Hailey wasn’t that strong but it stopped her or maybe she let it stop her. She and Grandma were staring at each other and I suddenly understood why it is that when girls fight, it is called a catfight. They were eyeing each other like two cats, all a bristle and ready to get into it.

“Don’t do this, you two. Please,” I begged. “I’ll change my clothes. We’ll talk. Please, can we talk like civilized human beings?”

Grandma looked from me to Hailey. “Perhaps we’d all should take a few minutes to calm down. I’ll expect you in the living room, appropriately dressed, in fifteen minutes.”

Hailey still looked like she was ready to go another round. “OK, I’ll do it for Taylor, but hitting her is not acceptable.”

“Hitting? A hand to the backside isn’t hitting. You’re in a world of trouble already. I was raised to respect my elders and I got a switch to my backside when I didn’t. Your defiant behavior is not acceptable, and you might not like it but Scotty isn’t too old for a spanking. He just proved that. You’re not too old either, child, but I will give you some time to cool down.” Grandma turned and stormed away, leaving me with Hailey.

 

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To Be Continued...