Scott Taylor Miller is tired of being known as Snotty. On New years Day he resolves to take control of his life and make himself into Taylor. However, Scott is unaware that his new asthma medicine will change him in ways he cannot foresee. Forces both within and without will try to define him. If he doesn't want to be Snotty any longer, ...just who exactly is Taylor? The Taylor Project Part 6 by Tracey Willows Copyright © 2012 Tracey Willows All Rights Reserved.

Chapter Thirteen

Sunday, Feb 9th — Taylor Project Day 40

I should do a status update. I’m keeping up with everything, but not seeing a lot of progress.

Journaling — check. Actually this hasn’t even been a chore. I’ve been writing most days. It helps to put what happens into words. I do have to remind myself to do these status updates still.

Exercise — running farther and faster, but not sure how much good it is doing. I’m also doing better at DDR and that’s more exercise than jogging. It wasn’t on my initial list, but also been better at dieting. That wasn’t on my New Year’s resolution because I’d already been doing it or more accurately half-heartedly trying to diet. Since I’ve discovered that I’m boobs I’ve dropped all colas from my diet. I’ve switched to water and fruit juices. I’m taking my diet more seriously. Not that I have a lot of control. I at least make a healthy start on the day. I make my own breakfast most mornings. Months ago I switched over from super sugared cereal to juice and a bowl of oatmeal. Lunch is out of my control. I eat whatever the school cafeteria serves. Allegedly it is balanced and healthy. I doubt it is any healthier than it tastes. With Dad and Rick being jocks dinner is usually double helpings of meat and starch with maybe a token vegetable if Grandma is cooking. Oh, and Grandma almost always has some kind of sweet around. Have a cookie/cake/pie did not help my weight (or hers).

That’s where I used to be breaking my diet. I’d come home, have cookies or cake or pie as a snack, then starch, starch, meat, meat for dinner. Then I’d drink a Dr. Pepper or three. That’s how I got a fat ass and man boobs. I’m really trying to eat more of the vegetables and less of the starches. Dieting sucks. Like Garfield says diet is die with a t. It feels like I’m starving all the time. I’m trying to fight that with healthy snacks instead of sweets. That has been mostly fruit and carrot sticks. I tried celery, but it tastes like rabbit food. They taste much better dipped in ranch dressing, but that just puts the calories right back in. Dad and Rick haven’t noticed. Grandma has because she buys the groceries, but she doesn’t get it. She keeps offering me sweets. I guess in her mind food equals love and if I don’t eat the sweets she baked I don’t love her. Newsflash Grandma, I’m jogging, but I don’t do daily weights like Dad and Rick. Nor do I plan to. It makes more sense for me to cut back on my calories than try to exercise it all off.

Dust free home — check. Allergies are better, but we’re in that pre-spring time in Texas. The pollens aren’t out yet, but it isn’t freezing. I expect it will get worse when everything starts growing. Hailey helped me even though I told her she didn't have to. Julie complimented both of us on cleaning afterwards.

Bully Target — OK, maybe I have made progress. I haven’t broken down crying this week, but the bullying isn’t letting up. Same old same old.

Breast reduction — not happening, if anything they are getting bigger. The original buds went away, but I feel more underneath. I’m afraid that I’m also getting lopsided. My left boob feels a bit bigger than my right one. I looked that up and that’s not uncommon either when boobs grow.

While they aren’t shrinking, I am upgrading my concealment technology. The sports bras that I got from Hailey are much more comfortable than bandages. I think the bandages actually compressed and hid better, but the sports bras won’t come loose and unravel on me. Going forward I’m going to triple layer: sports bra, t-shirt, baggy shirt. I’m going to have to handwash the sports bras a lot because I don’t dare risk anything but the white one and the gray when I’m changing for gym class. I can at least get away with wearing the colored ones on the weekends. As long as I wear a dark shirt they won’t show through. The straps bothered me some at first, but I’m starting to get used to it now. Although the extra layers are hot with the weather turning warmer. I can’t afford to shower at school, but I usually come home, work out and shower.

I’m getting worried about the lack of shrinkage in the boobs. I’m not seeing any sign of it reversing and I’m running out of time. At the end of April I go back to my allergy doctor and he will make me take off my shirt to listen to me breathe. My testosterone doesn’t seem to be kicking in. I am seeing a little bit of pubic hair so maybe something is finally happening. Now if only my boobs would stop growing. Hailey and Cathy thought I was an A-cup though we didn’t measure. I’m sticking with the wait and see plan. What else can I do?

After spending all weekend wearing a sports bra I was starting to get used to it, but it felt different to be wearing a bra to school. I wasn’t sure why. I’d already made the decision. I’d been wearing them for two days. Why did it feel like I was just now crossing a bridge? If there was a bridge hadn’t I crossed it on Friday night when I first put on the bra? Or on Saturday when I’d told Cathy? What was different about wearing a bra to school? It was just a superior cloaking technology, nothing more. Yet I almost went back to the bandages. Maybe it was all the tg stories I’d read on the internet. Maybe they were starting to mess with my head. In the end I put it on, but I was very much aware that I had on a bra.

I felt awkward merely walking with Cathy to the little Mom & Pop convenience store that served as our bus stop. There was no way she could tell. Cathy and I were both bundled up. The weather had turned cold again. It wasn’t below freezing, but with the wind blowing in our faces I was feeling the chill despite my multiple layers of clothes as we walked together in the cold gray morning. We chit chatted about this and that, but I wasn’t really giving her my full attention. Down the little two lane road, past the cemetery and we were there. The bus hadn’t arrived yet, but it should be along soon. So we shivered and waited.

“Are you feeling OK, this morning?” asked Cathy. “You look a little out of it.”

I shrugged not really wanting to talk about it. I wore it with Cathy yesterday and was fine. Why did it feel awkward now? I’d about decided to say nothing, but standing there in the cold just waiting and not saying what was on my mind wore down my reluctance. “It’s just that I’m wearing a bra to school. I’ve got it on now.”

“I’d guessed you would.” She didn’t sound that enthusiastic about it. “Not that I can tell.”

How could she under two shirts and a coat? “That’s the point. So no one can tell.”

“So what’s bothering you about it?”

“Well, I’m a boy, you know. Boys don’t wear bras to school. If anyone finds out I’m going to get pounded.” That was part of it, but with or without the bra I still had boobs. So why did the bra make a difference?

“You know, maybe you should tell your Dad, go see a doctor. It’s not natural and I think it is pretty serious. Yours are almost as big as mine.”

I looked at her. I felt hurt. I thought she was on my side. A doctor meant discovery. “You know why I can’t do that. Rick will blab. It will get out all over the school and I’ll be worse a freak than I am now.”

She nodded. “Yeah, but… I’m worried about you Scott. Have they gone down any?”

“Not in the past two days.”

“I know that, but overall are they shrinking or growing?”

“They’ve just grown. The website says it can take months. I only noticed a few weeks ago. Besides, I’ve got a deadline, remember. If it hasn’t gotten better by the end of April, Dad and the doctors will find out.” I was getting worried about that. While every day dripped by slowly the deadline seemed to be rushing up way too soon. “Besides, Dad and Julie look like they’re getting serious. I don’t want to scare Julie off by being a freak.”

“If your being sick would scare her away you don’t want her for a stepmom. I only know about her from Hailey, but she seems like a good mom. Do you really think there is a good chance she and your dad will get married?”

“Hailey does. I’m not so sure. Dad almost always has a girlfriend but he doesn’t marry them.”

“He married your mom didn’t he?”

I laughed. “He didn’t have any choice in that. She was pregnant.”

“You never told me that. Are you sure?”

“Yeah, Grandma dropped a comment once about one of Dad’s girlfriends that she didn’t like and I looked up the dates. Rick was born five months after they were married.”

“So your dad did the right thing then your mom just up and left. No wonder he has commitment issues. Still, you know, Hailey might be right. He seems more serious about Julie.” She shuffled along a bit. “Scott, if he did marry Julie where do you think yall’d live?”

“Huh.” I hadn’t really thought about it. “Where we are now, I guess. We have room. Hailey and Julie live in a trailer park. They’ve got a single wide.” There was no way Rick, Dad and I could move in with them. “Besides they have a cat.” I couldn’t move in with a cat, but if they moved in with us what would happen to the cat? “We’ve got an extra bedroom that we’re using as the workout room. I’d guess we’d move the workout stuff to the barn and make that into Hailey’s room.” Julie wouldn’t need her own room; she’d sleep in the master bedroom with Dad of course. Despite all of Hailey’s hoping it was weird thinking about them actually moving in. Although to be honest Dad and Julie living together was more likely than them getting married.

“Well, that’s good… I’d hate for you to move away.”

Move away? Leave Pine Hill? The possibility of moving away, to someplace where I wasn’t Snotty suddenly filled me with hope, but it was brief and fleeting like the sun peeking through the clouds on an overcast day. It wouldn’t work. “I don’t think Dad would ever leave Grandma. Besides we own the land and the house free and clear. You know how cheap my dad is. He wouldn’t want to pay a mortgage when we have a house large enough for all of us.”

“Good. You know it would be cool if your Dad and Julie married and Hailey moved in.”

“Yeah.” I coughed a bit. Just the cold air I hoped, not another cold coming on. I heard the rumble of the bus before I saw it. I heard the noise of a vehicle and looked up. “Bus!” We both hurried to get out of the cold.

The bus ride to school wasn’t bad. I had my coat on and Cathy for company. It was when we got to school and went our separate ways that I had to really face my classmates. In some ways going to school with a bra on was worse than finding out I was growing boobs in the first place. It felt like everyone was staring at me. I know I had on multiple layers, but it felt like everyone could see right through them. I made the mistake of holding my books to my chest and immediately realized that was such a girl thing to do. I quickly shifted my books back to my hip.

By third period I just couldn’t take it any longer. I asked to go to the bathroom, stripped down, took it off the sports bra and stuffed it into my pocket. I made a quick detour by locker threw it in and buried it. I felt better about it for a little while, but instead of being aware of my bra I was aware of every little jiggle and shake my chest made. Worse my nipples seemed determined to stand up today. Gerstacker jumped on me during fourth period for daydreaming. I wasn’t really. I was just so caught up on the whole damned if I do, damned if I don’t dilemma of wearing a bra.

Even Dave noticed at lunch how distracted I was. “Earth to Scotty, come in Scotty, check out the slut sweater on Mandy.”

I glanced over at Mandy Spears. She was wearing a sweater that was a deep green and tight on her along with a black skirt. I thought green and black was a good match with her auburn hair and fair complexion. The skirt made her stand out more than the sweater did. “It’s looks good on her, suits her coloring.”

“Whoa, Snotty you did not just say that. That’s a girl line. I was talking about the way her tits are almost popping out of it. She looks hot. What’s wrong with you today, Snotty?”

Lloyd chimed in supporting Dave. “It’s a slut sweater. She puts out. She’s advertising.”

“If you say so.” I looked but I couldn’t see what they saw. Maybe it was because I had a pair of my own, but they were just boobs. Girls wore their sweaters tight. That didn’t make her a slut. “I’m not hungry.”

I was hungry, but I just couldn’t take any more of Dave and Lloyd. They have been getting on my nerves a lot lately. All my conversations with them seem so shallow compared to my talks with Hailey and Cathy. All they talk about is games, guns and girls. Yet, they don’t talk about girls the way Hailey and Cathy talk about boys. They talk about them like they did Mandy. Like having a larger than average chest necessarily made her a slut. She wasn’t even showing cleavage. Her sweater was up to her neck. Her only crime was having breasts and not hiding them. Mine were flying free and feeling very exposed. “I’m not feeling so hot, I going to go.”

“If you’re not going to eat it, can I have the rest of your lunch?” asked Dave.

“Sure.” I walked away leaving them to lunch and headed back to my locker.

I carefully looked both ways before retrieving the sports bra Hailey gave me and stuffing it in my pocket. I dashed to a bathroom and put it back on. I immediately felt better with my boobs all tied down. Was I going crazy that I was already finding wearing a bra to be comfortable? Only the straps still bothered me and not that much really. Boys weren’t supposed to wear bras. Boys weren’t supposed to grow tits either. I had myself a long cry in the bathroom stall. Which doesn’t count against me, because no one saw me. After the cry I felt better. I’m not sure why, but I seemed to have gotten my angst out. I felt more relaxed and secure. That fell apart again at gym class.

I was almost paralyzed unable to get undressed. I didn’t want to take off the loose and baggy outer shirt that protected me from prying eyes. The bra I was wearing might be spotted through the tight t-shirt I had underneath. I knew in my head that my boobs should have been noticed as well. I quickly stripped off my shirt and put on my gym shirt. If there was an Olympic event for changing shirts, I probably set a new record. No one even glanced my way. Maybe it was like Buffy. Everyone in Sunnydale seems to forget all the weird stuff that’s going on. They only see what they expect to see. I was in a boy’s locker room, so I had to be a boy and boys don’t have breasts. Besides, I probably wasn’t the only one that avoided looking. Anyone caught looking at another boy naked would be instantly accused of being a fag and a homo. Regardless, I hid in my corner, changed and no one noticed.

Once I was dressed it was easier and I think it was even a good thing. When I came out they had three nets set up and it was obvious we were playing volleyball. I could still feel them moving on my chest, but I knew it would be even worse without the bra. I still couldn’t play worth spit, but I got through it and I got through gym without anyone noticing my boobs or my bra. The Buffy effect seemed to be working strong. Maybe I had powers over the Force. I imagined myself waving my hand in front of Dave and Lloyd. These are not the boobs you are looking for.

I almost ran into Mandy heading out of PE. I hadn’t really thought about it that we shared gym, but when I saw her back in her sweater and skirt I remembered. On impulse I called out to her, “Hey Mandy?”

She looked at me with suspicion. “What Scotty?”

“Just… nice sweater. The color suits you.” It wasn’t a slut sweater. I’m not really sure why I said it. Maybe because I didn’t stick up for her with Dave and Lloyd.

“Oh, thanks.” She smiled at me.

Chapter Fourteen

Valentine’s Day was shaping up to be a big deal. It fell on a Thursday, but Julie and Hailey would be coming over and spending the night anyway. It would be the first time they stayed over on a school night. Maybe Hailey was right. Dad certainly showed no sign of dumping Julie yet. It took a couple of days, but I eventually decided to just confront my father about it. After I made my decision it was another day until I found just the right time.

I scoped out Dad at the breakfast table as I took my asthma medicine with a tall glass of grapefruit juice and set some water to boil for my morning oatmeal. Rick had scarfed his food and left Dad sitting alone. He’d finished his breakfast and was sipping on his coffee. The timing felt right. My dad is a morning person, but only after his cup of coffee.

“Dad, we’re almost out of grapefruit juice.” Just a test to see if he’d had enough coffee.

“Put it on the grocery list for your grandmother. You’re the only one who drinks the stuff.” His tone was indifferent, not cranky.

I poured hot water over my oatmeal, mixed it up, and took my breakfast to the table. I sat down and studied Dad. Now or never. “Dad, are you going to propose to Julie on Valentine’s Day?”

“What?” He didn’t quite do a spit-take with his coffee, but I think it was close. “That’s none of your business Scott.” My dad looked more shocked than angry.

“Isn’t it? I live here, too. Isn’t my business if I’m going to have a new mother and sister?”

“That’s between me and Julie. Right now we’re just dating. That’s it and nothing more. A proposal is still in the future. Besides, if and when I propose is my business and a decision would be Julie's business. Case closed.”

It was what I’d expected, but it hurt. Not so much for me, but for Hailey and also for Julie. It was typical for my father. “I like them, Dad. Julie and Hailey both.”

“That's a good thing and I noticed it, but I'm not getting married because you like Haily. Still, it's good that you're getting along. I've noticed Cathy and Hailey are getting along, too. I’m surprised Cathy isn’t jealous.”

“What? Why would should be?”

“Girls often are when another girl moves in on their boyfriend.”

Oh, not this again. Dad had been convinced Cathy was my girlfriend for months. Then again based on what Hailey told me, maybe my father was closer to the truth than I was. “Cathy is just a friend.” That was the complete truth. She was just a friend and I planned to keep it that way. Hopefully the BFF card would set that straight. As for Hailey she so wasn’t anything close to a girlfriend.

“Uh-huh, well you may not have the muscles, but you’ve got the Miller knack with the ladies. Try not to break too many hearts.”

That ended the conversation. I wasn’t sure how to reply and before I could ask Dad what he meant he rinsed out his coffee mug and left the kitchen. That left me to decide what to do. One thing was clear. As Hailey’s friend I was going to have to tell her no proposal. I just hoped she didn’t take it too hard.

Wednesday, Feb 13th — Taylor Project Day 44

Good news and bad news. The good, Hailey is coming over Thursday night through Sunday. The bad, Dad isn’t proposing and I'm going to have to tell Hailey. I can't just do it by a phone call or IM. I know she was really hoping that there would be a proposal on V-day. Her optimism was even starting to rub off on me. It would be nice to be a real family again with a mother and a father instead of just Dad and Rick. Hailey would make a great sister. Without her and Cathy I don’t know that I could make it through the boob thing.

The Taylor Project is turning into a joke. I’m still doing the journaling (obviously) and the exercise and dust-free zone, but it seems the only thing changing about me is that I’m becoming more girly. I wore a bra to school Monday and Tuesday. Monday I was majorly freaked about it, but Tuesday was better. Today it didn’t bother me much at all. I forgot I was wearing it most of the time. Part of me is relieved and part is scared that I’m already getting used to wearing a bra. That is just so wrong.

I’ve been reading tg stories most evenings. They’re nice fantasies. Life would be easier if I was a girl, by which I mean a real gg (genetic girl). Then I should be growing boobs and I could be best friends with Cathy and Hailey and not grow up to be like Dad and Rick. Cathy probably wouldn’t have a crush on me that I don’t know how to deal with.

I hope she takes the card I’m giving her tomorrow the right way. I like her, but as a friend. I’ve read about hormones. It’s testosterone that powers the sex drives. The fact that I’m growing boobs means my testosterone has to be lower than my estrogen. Which I guess is why all I feel about Cathy and Hailey are friendship feelings. So tomorrow I get to tell Cathy we’re just friends and I get to tell Hailey that that my Dad won’t be proposing any time soon. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day and it’s going to suck.

I didn’t sleep well. No nightmares, just everything turning over in my head and I couldn’t sleep. Plus I had night sweats and needed a morning shower. Seemed more often than not I need two showers a day. That had me running late so it was a good thing I was already prepared when Cathy showed up Valentine’s Day morning.

I’d finished up the card last night and sealed it in an envelope. I was too old to make one out of construction paper and paste and the ones you buy from a store are too mushy. So I’d designed one on my computer and printed it. I hope it did the job. It was pretty simple. A big red heart splashed with the words Happy Valentine’s Day decorated the outside. On the inside I had placed the only picture I had of us together taken my Dad last summer. I’d blown it up to fit the card and then signed it with our oath, friends first, friends last, friends forever and my name. I’d thought about signing it ‘love Scotty’. That was the way V-day cards were usually signed, but custom or not that would send the wrong message. I’d made a similar card for Hailey, but wasn’t sure if I would tell Cathy or not. I was afraid it would hurt her feelings, but keeping secrets from her didn’t’ feel right either.

Anyway I wasn’t going to give it to her in front of Dad so I waited until we were out the door and walking to the bus before I pulled it out and thrust it at her. “So, this is for you.” Doh, I should be nicer about it.

Cathy didn’t seem upset. “You got me a Valentine’s card!” She snatched it up, ripped open. “Oh wow! It’s us! Where did you get this picture?”

“My Dad took it. I think that was the Fourth of July cook out we had last year.”

“Oh, yeah. This is so sweet! You’re not just my friend you know. Now you’re my valentine.” She moved for a hug.

I returned it and I was afraid she was going to kiss me. I was kinda of curious as to what a real kiss would be like, but on the other hand I was afraid I’d blow it. Plus we were both wrapped in coats so it felt awkward. She didn’t kiss me and her hair smelled nice. I held on until she pulled back.

“So I’ve got something for you, too.” Cathy brought out a bright red envelope.

I took it from her and opened it. It was a store bought card, but not a little kid one. It was a big red glittery heart on the outside. I opened it expecting to find mushy stuff, but it was Cathy’s handwriting inside. “Scotty, I know you’re going through a hard time right now. When I needed someone most you were there for me. I’ll never forget. I’ll always be here for you. Your Valentine, Cathy.” The words touched me and I reached right out and hugged her.

“Thank you, so much Cathy.” I was aware my eyes were wet. So I broke the embrace and quickly wiped them. I thought I should do something more so I took a chance and grabbed her hand.

Cathy looked at me a second and then we started walking hand in hand to the bus as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Yet, despite the fact that I was wearing gloves and she was wearing mittens I could feel my hand almost tingling in hers. It was like every nerve in my body was concentrated in my hand. Maybe my testosterone was flowing after all! I felt like I was almost floating. I also felt guilty because sitting at home on my desk was a similar card for Hailey.

“I got Hailey a card, too. I hope that’s OK, she’s my best friend, too and… she’s probably going to be my sister.” It was hard saying the words, but I had to say them.

Cathy squeezed my hand and kept walking. “I got her a card, too. You know, I’m not going to be your sister.”

Our hands were still together and I felt very warm. “Yeah, I know.” The words seemed to be full of implication. I don’t think we’re boyfriend/girlfriend yet. At least I hoped we weren’t, but I think we just agreed on what we’d both known for a while now. Someday soon when we were ready we would be. I could deal with that.

Chapter Fifteen

I floated through school. I still had the boobs and a bra, but it didn’t matter. Maybe v-day mellowed out the bullies, because it wasn’t that bad. Sure, Kevin made some snide remarks trying to get to me but it just bounced off. Probably because it was Valentine’s Day I found myself thinking of Cathy a lot. We weren’t bf/gf yet and that was OK and knowing we’d get there someday was even better. I might not of had a girlfriend, but I had a Valentine and that was enough. I hurried to the bus after school looking forward to seeing Cathy again. I slid into our seat first. When she joined me she took my hand again and it was just as exciting as before. No one else seemed to notice and I suppose it is such a small thing, but still neither one of us let go until we were at my door and I had to go inside.

Hailey arrived not long after. Dad and Julie were eager to get their date started. We had to wait to talk until they’d been hustled out and we were able to retreat to my room.

“So, what did you give Cathy? She texted me about it. Said you gave her the sweetest card.”

I found myself blushing. “I don’t know about that. Hers was more personal. Mine was a lot like yours. Here let me get it.” It was a lot like the one I got Cathy. Except I didn’t have a photo of just me and Hailey so I had used solo pictures of her, me and Cathy. I handed it over to her.

“Thank you. I didn’t get you one... OK, I have to ask. Is this identical to what you gave Cathy?”

“No, instead of the heart I gave her one that had a picture of just me and her in it.”

“Sounds sweet, but you signed it friends forever? Cathy made it sound like something more... Are you two are dating now?”

Dating? “No. At least I don’t think so. We just held hands and hugged. She called me her valentine. Maybe we're heading that way but we haven't crossed the bridge yet."

"Romeo, you'd better watch out or she's going to drag you over that bridge."

I wasn't sure if I wanted that or not. "Have you ever dated, Hailey?” We were in the same grade but she was a cute girl. Cute girls didn't have to beg for dates. Boys came flocking to them.

“Not really. I had a crush on a couple of guys. I went on group movie outing with some friends where we were mostly paired up boy/girl. I got matched up with this guy Mark from my school. I knew him, because small town you know everyone, but I didn’t really know him. He tried to feel me up during the show. I don’t really count that as a date. That’s as close as I got. Then there was all the stuff with Dad and moving out and therapy. No one asked me and dating just hasn’t seemed a priority. I’m glad for Mom though. She needs it more than I did.”

And that brought me right to the thing I didn’t want to tell her, but I should say it now. “I talked to my dad. He’s not proposing tonight. Just so you know.”

“Oh.” It looked like I’d popped her happiness like a soap bubble, but it only lasted a moment then she smiled and shrugged. “Well, I’d hoped but I knew I was pushing it. Hey, a girl can dream. He treats Momma like a princess and it would be nice to have a real dad. It’s not like they broke up. It’s only been a few months, right?”

“Yeah, it’s only been a few months.” I felt bad. Dad hadn’t given me the impression that he was anywhere close to being ready to propose. “I hope they do. It would be cool to have you as a sister. Especially since I’m already borrowing your bras.”

Hailey’s giggled. “Yeah, you’ll make a great little sister.”

“Hey now! I’m taller than you and still not a girl.”

Sunday Feb 17th — Taylor Project Day 48

It’s time for an update again. I’ve still made no real progress on my project. School still sucks, but it is better out-of-school. It’s like I come alive on the weekends with Hailey and Cathy then have to go back to sleep during the week to get through school. One ray of sunshine in the project, Rick now has to help clean with me. I think it is because Dad saw Hailey helping me. Regardless, he announced that Rick needed to get his lazy ass out of bed and help us. I guess that means my hopes of ever getting paid are gone, but at least I'm not doing it all by myself any more.

While my dad did not propose on V-Day, it is looking like Julie is getting closer to just moving in with us. Two things happened. First, Dad invited Julie on a cruise over spring break and apparently Hailey will be staying with me, Rick and Grandma while they’re away. The cruise is a BFD. I can’t remember dad taking a getaway vacation with another girlfriend. Although come to think of it he did do a long weekend with ‘Aunt’ Vicky. Regardless it’s a really good sign especially given how stingy my dad usually is. Second, Julie is openly sleeping in Dad’s bedroom now.

I don’t think they really meant to let that one out in the open, but Julie was more than a little bit drunk on V-Day night. Hailey and I got to see the whole thing. Grandma had fallen asleep on the couch and didn’t tell us to go to sleep. Besides Grandma was sleeping on Hailey’s bed (OK, the couch which unfolds into a bed). So it wasn’t like she had a place to sleep. That was our excuse. Really Hailey had challenged me to show her why the Sims wasn’t like playing with dolls. So we stayed up late playing. I helped her set up a game of her own. Naturally she wanted to make her Sims a copy of her own family. That was what I usually did as well. So we spent a long time setting up her neighborhood, making her family and mine and editing the Sims to make them look just right. I was having a lot of fun even though I wasn’t playing myself and we lost track of the time until our parents came home at almost one in the morning.

Dad and Julie were coming in the door. Julie was obviously drunk. She kept giggling and trying to hush us. Grandma woke up and was not impressed that Julie was drunk nor that we had stayed up late. Anyway I got chased off to my room, but when I got up from school it was just Hailey on the couch hide-a-bed. Julie was embarrassed and a bit cranky. I guess she was hungover. Anyway, I heard the rest from Hailey later. Apparently her mom was upset about being a bad role model, but finally admitted that she was sleeping with my dad. Duh, like we ever bought that they were having long chats behind closed doors. Since that secret got dragged out in the open, Julie slept in my dad’s bedroom both Friday and Saturday night. Hailey still slept on the hide-a-bed, but I think they’re just one step away from moving in.

What else? Cathy and I aren’t holding hands any more, at least not as much. We did it a few times, but didn’t feel right in front of Hailey. I’m hoping we’ll be back to holding hands on the walk to the bus tomorrow. Next step should be kissing or maybe asking her out on a date. However, her mom has made it very clear no dates until she’s sixteen. That’s actually a relief as that means I don’t have to ask her out, just kiss her sometime when the timing is right. It hasn’t been right yet, but I’m thinking about it. I didn’t really much before. So I guess that is a good sign that my hormones are getting straightened out. How will I know when it is the right time?

I read a few more tg stories on the internet. I still like some of them, but I’ve learned to check the warning tags. Some of them aren’t nice at all. I’m not sure I should keep reading them. I might be growing boobs, but I’m not a girl. I’m a boy. I’ve even got a potential girlfriend now. I suppose they’re just fantasies like Harry Potter. Hagrid isn’t going to show up with my invitation to Hogwarts and I’m not going to suddenly be a girl. It’s a nice fantasy, but in the real world my breasts aren’t going down even with all my exercise. I think I’m going to have to face reality soon and tell Dad. Yet as soon as I do, I’ll get put on male hormones. I’ll get hairy and smelly and turn into another copy of my father. I’m not ready for that yet. I’m just not.