Chapter 3: That Saved a Wretch Like Me

Grace attends "church", talks with her friend, and is Disciplined.

Chapter 3 That Saved a Wretch Like Me

“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.” ”• Albert Einstein

Grace had been brought to the work camp on a Thursday. It was now Sunday morning and she was informed that she must wear her tie to church services. She didn’t think much of that plan at all. Oh, joy, I get to wear my new tie. Will the wonderful blessings never stop coming?

Grace was quite shocked when they were all herded onto a battered old school-bus and told to take a seat. The women sat on one side, the men on the other. She sighed but said nothing as she was directed to the men’s side of the bus, sharing a seat with one of the quieter inmates. She didn’t even know his name, and he didn’t say a word to her as she sat down.

She was shocked again as the bus left the camp through the open gates and trundled down the gravel road to the main road. The bus rolled along about a mile and pulled in a gravel parking lot in front of a simple church with a large sign flanked by brick columns by the road. “The Carpenter’s Light Chapel; Rev. Jonathan Hayes; The Wages of Sin Is Death!”

Grace noted the two armed guards eyeing them like hawks as they stepped down off the bus. They were ushered inside and drifted in to the church. She heard a muted buzz and was surprised to find the place was packed. Apparently most, or all, of the town attended church here.

The chapel was a simple affair, inside resembling an old-time one-room church that used to dot the land across the country. Hard wooden pews lined up in two sections with an aisle between them, leading up to the pulpit. The pulpit was a simple wooden lectern with a microphone attached. Speakers hung from the ceiling on the left and right, aimed at the congregation. A battered looking piano sat in one corner, looking quite forlorn and abandoned.

Grace and her fellow inmates were marched to the very front of the church, and directed right for the men, left for the women. Glancing around, she noticed the entire church was segregated like this; even the non-inmates did not sit with their spouses or families. The sharp division of genders only bore out how crazy these people were, in her mind.

She sat down on the hard wooden pew and noticed a small table in front of the podium. It was piled high with Chick Tracts. She’d read more than a few in her lifetime, and she ruefully thought that this bunch of wackos would certainly be fans of Chick.

Hayes strode to the podium and uttered a quick prayer then he was off and running.

“Original Sin! That, brothers and sisters, is what led us to where we are today. Too many downplay the first sin in the world, but I do not! Eve brought us to where we are today — mired in sin, perversion, filth, adultery, and faggotry!

Grace kept her face blank as she watched and listened but thought “Ah, how perfectly splendid I get to hear this lunatic rave for who knows how long.” At least she could see Maddy next to her. That brought a joy to her that the Reverend Hayes nor any of his brainwashed flock could take away. She dared not speak to Maddy, though. The guards were quite watchful and the Reverend seemed to like staring right at the front row. I guess we are the Sinner’s Row, here.

Hayes continued “I’m often asked something by the lost, the media, and others…” Hayes changed his voice to a squeaky falsetto. “Oh, Reverend Hayes! Why are you so mean to the poor gays and lesbians and transgendered? Why oh why do you say bad things about them?”

Hayes slapped the podium hard, startling Grace and some of the others who hadn’t heard this particular sermon before. He slapped to punctuate each word he bellowed. “BECAUSE” SMACK! “THEY” SMACK! “ARE” SMACK! “EVIL!!!” SMACK!

“Men wanting to be women. Men dressing AS women! Men lying with men as they would a woman! The Bible warns about this over and over again! Men are to never be effeminate! It is an.. ABOMINATION!”

Several of his flock yelled “AMEN” and “Preach it, Brother Hayes!”

“Eve is the original sinner! Who talked Adam into sinning? Eve did! Who listened to the Serpent? Eve did! Who did God see as the culprit? Eve! If you study your Bible as diligently as I have it all comes clear, brothers and sisters! WHY does God say that the woman submit to the man? Why does He say that the wife must OBEY” SMACK! “her husband?”

Hayes lowered his voice for the next part.

“My friends, it is because women are the weaker sex. More easily led astray. More prone to embrace wickedness. More prone to listen to Satan. JUST LIKE EVE!”

Grace, with herculean effort, managed not to roll her eyes — as Hayes was looking right at her. So, women are all evil. I should have known. My eyes are opened now! But she kept her face as calm and devoid of expression as she could. She really did not want more demerits or beatings or even her old friend, the cattle prod.

“That is why the Bible instructs men to not spare the rod on their women, brothers and sisters. If a woman strays out of line, it is the husbands HOLY DUTY to correct her - physically! It’s right here in the Bible! All women need a male influence to protect, cherish, nurture, and CHASTISE when needed, my friends!”

“You’ve heard the old saying about women being the weaker sex. That doesn’t mean weaker physically, though it has been changed to that meaning by our modern society!” He managed to put a world of scorn into the word ‘modern’, Grace noted.

“No, my friends, the original meaning was MORALLY WEAKER! Isn’t that right, Ladies?”

Grace looked over at the women’s side of the church to see what the response would be. The Lesbian Contingent mostly sat still, though a few nodded. The women further back — who Grace had labeled in her head The True Believers - were all nodding and saying “Amen!”

I think I could easily be sick right now, Grace thought.

Hayes paused and produced a glass of water from behind his pulpit and took a drink before charging onward. Grace risked a glance around, and found that most of her fellow inmates had the same guarded and peaceful expression she was trying to project. The True Believers, though, wore rapturous expressions that reminded Grace of old pictures of teenagers staring at Elvis or The Beatles. Hayes was their rock star and they were jamming to his beat and none other.

“We are truly in the Last Days, my brethren! But that gives us no right to sit hidden in our church while the sodomites take over this once-great nation! No! We are WARRIORS for GOD! And we must fight to the bitter end! Can I get an amen?”

“AMEN!” the congregation roared.

“Amen!” he answered. He took another sip of water and stared at the inmates on the two front rows on each side for a moment, then began again.

“As you all know, we have our Sodomite inmates here with us today. A wicked bunch they are, too. Enslaved with Satan’s power and deep into his perversions, and filth. And yet, they can be saved! Yes! They can be saved just as we are! That is why they are here!”

Grace thought it very cute how he talked over their heads as if they were not even in the room. It showed just how little respect he had for them as human beings.

He finally addressed them directly. “My friends, you are here today to get the chance to be saved. Any of you can walk up here, bow down, and confess your perversions and turn your back on Satan. Turn to Jesus, and He will make you a new creature! Free of sin! Free of your perversions and sick lust for your own gender! All you need do is come up here and confess!”

He lifted his hands at the congregation and they all stood up. Grace rose with all of the rest. They began singing “Just As I Am.”

As they sang, Hayes continued softly with his message. “This may be your last chance. For some of you it probably IS your last chance on this earth to accept Christ and leave your life of sin and perversion behind. I know Satan’s hold on you is strong! I know you worship Satan! I know your kind! But, you can be free of him!”

Hayes walked over to the women’s side and while his attention was away she looked at Maddy and raised an eyebrow. I wonder if I can walk up there and do a little song and dance and maybe not be treated as badly? Anything would be an improvement…

Maddy knew full well what Grace was thinking, as she’d had the same thoughts herself in the past. She shook her head slightly at Grace, indicating it was a bad idea.

In the end, nobody walked up and confessed anything or came to Jesus. After the song ended, Hayes did a long meandering prayer, thick on anti-sodomite phrases and the hope that these Satanic perverts would one day see the light. Then, they were dismissed.

The inmates headed back to the bus, and this time Grace made sure that she and Maddy shared a seat — near the middle of the bus, away from the guard in front and the one at the very rear.

After the bus was started and they rolled out they began to talk, quietly.

“Welcome to Hell, Grace! When I sent word by Emily, I begged her to give you enough details to know to bring some help along… not just yourself!”

Maddy looked… rough. Sporting the same buzz-cut style but in blonde, the same white starched men’s shirt, the same khaki pants. Her breasts appeared to be bound like Grace’s. As Maddy had DD breasts, the binding did not do a lot to cover them. Grace also noted bruises on Maddy’s face.

Grace felt her eyes begin to tear and she hugged Maddy tightly, after making sure the guards were not watching them.

“Grace I am so sorry you are here honey. But, I am glad to see you at the same time. I’ve missed you terribly!”

With a smile for Maddy, Grace agreed and said “I have missed you too, Maddy. I had to come when I heard. You’re my best friend in the world and I couldn’t just abandon you to this nuthouse!”

Maddy beamed at Grace but said “Still, I wish you were not trapped here too! Look at your poor hair, gone, like mine!” She sniffled and started crying.

“It will grow back Maddy! Don’t let that bother you, honey. Listen. Why did you tell me not to go up front at the church? I thought I could walk up there and get ‘converted’ and maybe-“

Maddy interrupted her, “Have an easier time of it? No, Grace. I’ve seen that tried since I got here. It doesn’t work that way. If you did that, they’d call a doctor in here to remove your breast implants. And if you refused to sign the release asking them to be removed, you’d be treated even worse than we are now! They’d also hold you to a much stricter standard. You see, right now you are just a damned soul they try to reach. Once you join the flock, you’d have it worse.”

Grace shook her head sadly. She was relieved she had not decided to try her scheme. One more I owe Maddy, in a long string of things!

Grace tried to lighten the moment. “Well your sentence can’t be too long, and mine is just one year… we’ll get out of this, Maddy! We just have to hold on!”

Maddy groaned and shook her head. “No, Grace, you don’t have a clue what you’ve stumbled into. Oh God I wish you hadn’t come here. You have no idea what this place is or how you leave here, if you ever do.”

Grace felt chilled by the despair in her voice and the hopelessness as well. “What do you mean?”

“Grace, honey…” Maddy paused and was quiet for a moment. “Nobody like us gets out of here. We either convert and stay on as ‘trustees’, kind of… or… we just… disappear. God “gives up” on us, you see.”

“What do you mean, ‘disappear’?!” Grace mouthed in horror.

“Just what I said. There’s been two girls since I was brought here that just weren’t here anymore. Asking questions about them wasn’t a good idea, either, as I found out. I am not sure just what they do with their failures, but they certainly don’t just let them walk out the gate hon.”

“Are you saying they are murdering people, Maddy? Or, shipping them off somewhere else? Or… what?”

“Grace I just don’t know! As I said, two girls have vanished while I’ve been here. Nobody knew where they went, or if they did, they wouldn’t tell me. Asking around the staff was a mistake, too. I got demerits for it.”

Grace winced.

“Yeah, tell me about it. Try to avoid getting five demerits, Grace. It… hurts. A lot.”

“They’ve caned you, Maddy?”

“Oh, yes. Three times now and I am on my fourth demerit as we speak.”

“Err, I am on my sixth right now.”

“Oh, honey. Oh no! Grace I am so sorry. I’ll be there tomorrow evening with you. Just be strong and don’t try to evade the licks. If you do, he will just add more on.”

Grace groaned and nodded. “Maddy, however did you end up here?”

She smirked and said “My own damn fault. You know I love to drive around and explore new places. I got on the highway and was hitting all these small towns, ya know? I had a little baggie of weed in my purse, and got pulled over for speeding just outside of town, here. The rest is history.”

The bus reached camp so they went silent as it pulled up and the doors were opened.

They were sent back to the barracks for their allotted Bible Study time, after a decent lunch. Bible Study turned out to be just what it sounded like. Grace was to read her Bible, be silent, and stay on her cot.
Back to the Church at 6 PM, for 2 hours of Fire and Brimstone from Hayes, followed by a bus ride back and Bible reading until Mrs. Watson shut off the lights.

I am going to go fucking insane doing this week after week. They want to break me and/or brainwash me. And, I can see it working after enough of this. I have to get out of here somehow. And oh, tomorrow is my caning.

~o~O~o~

Monday morning meant her first class. What that class might be about, Grace had a pretty good guess. Where it was held was the mystery, but her new Best Friend Forever, Petey, was able to clear that right up.
They sat in the Mess Hall and Grace nibbled on her breakfast of mystery meat, toast, and some watery substance masquerading as orange juice.

“Yes, your first class is this morning, isn’t it? I’ll take you there of course. You will learn a lot!” Pete exclaimed.

“Oh, Petey, I just can’t wait!” Grace gushed.

Her class consisted of a droning forty-something woman talking about love, marriage, God’s Plan for Her Life, and how perverted and sick she and the other four people in the class were. Grace had already came to the conclusion that, propaganda repeated often enough would likely bore the intelligent into a stupor — and convince the dumb. She acted attentive but for the most part tuned it out. Her mind was mainly on the block of time on her calendar labeled ‘Discipline.’

One of the four people in the group was there not as a guest of the Sheriff. A young man named Jerry was placed in the camp by his parents, seeking a cure for his gayness. They spoke a bit during a recess and Grace was so sad for the boy. His own parents sent him here. How could someone who is supposed to love and cherish their children through good and bad do this? How could any parent send their child to this camp to go through this?

~o~O~o~

Grace did her shift in the Laundry building but barely thought much on it and ignored Ray and his taunts and generally sour disposition. Her one thought about Ray was an amused one. For people who are supposed to be filled with the love of Christ and know they are supposed to spend eternity in Heaven, they sure are a bunch of hateful sourpusses.

~o~O~o~

Grace sat on her cot, flipping idly through her Bible so that she looked good for the cameras. She’d had a glance through Watson’s door earlier when she came back and saw a huge bank of monitors on the sadistic bitch’s desk. She knew Watson would be watching everyone like a hawk and Grace didn’t want yet more demerits. Watson had told her that Discipline Time would be in an hour, and to prepare herself.

“And how am I supposed to prepare myself to be beaten and abused?” she asked.

Mrs. Watson walked up to Grace, nearly nose to nose, and smirked. “Rather than smart off to your betters, you should be praying right now you filthy fag. I can’t wait to see you get what is coming to you!” She stalked away, leaving Grace staring at her and imagining some very nasty things she would love to do to that woman.

~o~O~o~

Grace walked with three others, following Mrs. Watson. They were soon joined by another sour-faced woman, presumably the barracks leader of the women’s barracks. She had a single woman in tow.

They marched past the Admin building and then past the Garage and towards the woods. Grace noticed a wooden platform ahead and all the other inmates gathered around it. On the platform was a wooden chair nailed down to the platform itself, with leather cuffs dangling from chains on the back of the chair. Reverend Hayes stood on the platform with a cane in his hand.

Hayes called out the first name. “Carson! Front and center!”

Grace trembled but climbed up to the platform.

“Lower your pants and your underpants!”

She slid her pants down and then her boxers. One of his guards mounted the platform and laced her hands into the leather cuffs on the back of the chair. She found that her arms were held tightly and she could barely move other than shuffling her feet.

Grace saw Maddy in the crowd and looked at her with wide eyes. Maddy was crying, tears leaving streaks through the dirt on her cheeks.

“Carson, you have seven demerits listed. Therefore you get seven licks. Understood?”

“Yes, sir,” she replied, voice shaking.

Hayes raised his voice so that everyone could hear him clearly. “We don’t do this to be mean! We do this punishment to instruct and to correct! Carson earned seven demerits, so will receive seven lashes of the cane in the hopes that he will modify his behavior!”

She waited, trembling, and heard the whoosh of the cane whistling through the air before it struck. When it struck she screamed like a banshee. The man had a very strong arm and Grace had never felt such pain.
The crowd chanted out “One!”

She tried to pull away on the second one as she heard the whistle of it incoming, but it did no good. The scream ripped out of her throat, even louder. He’d hit the same place again.

“Two!”

Three and four came and she went from screaming to bawling in agony nonstop. She was facing the entire population and she could see Maddy crying and several of the inmates had tears, as well. Some of the guards were smirking and a few were actually laughing at her. Mrs. Watson was not far away from Grace and she had a look of absolute sadistic delight on her face.

Grace felt wetness on her legs and saw a few rivulets of blood running down both.

After five and six Grace could do nothing but howl and sob from the pain, and then finally number seven landed. Someone opened her cuffs and she fell flat to the platform.

Hayes offered a parting shot. “Just remember, the pain here ends after a while. Hell is an eternity of this!”

The guard dragged her away from Hayes and handed her off to Maddy and her next-cot-neighbor, Jay. They helped her walk back towards the main camp. As they left, she could hear Hayes spouting on about redemption and punishment with the next victim.

When they arrived at her cot, they lay Grace down gently on her stomach. Maddy produced a small bottle of lotion, which she rubbed on Grace’s welts. “I can get away with this since the bitch is at the caning, probably creaming her damn panties. This lotion is all I can do, though, honey. I am so, so, sorry you came here for me.” She started sobbing while still rubbing the lotion on Grace’s back.

Grace reached back and took one of Maddy’s hands. “I’d do anything for you, Maddy. You’re my best friend, so don’t say that again, honey.”

~o~O~o~

Tuesday morning reveille came and Grace made the mistake of turning from her side over on to her back. She groaned and hopped out of the cot. She gently slipped her fresh tee on, then the button-up starched shirt.

Sure enough, Pete appeared in short order. “Carson. How are you doing?” he asked, slightly anxious.

Grace gave him a little smile and said “As well as can be expected after a good beating, I guess, Petey.”

Pete didn’t bother to correct her about his name, just nodded. “Ready for some breakfast, then?”

She shrugged and said “Sure.”

Apparently the Gardener had either heard of her punishment or had been there, unseen by Grace. He asked how she was feeling and had her stand in the shack and break beans and nothing else, really. She assured him she’d like to work so he let her take a hoe and weed for the rest of her shift.

Pete showed up right on time and led her off to the Kitchen for her shift there. The poor man was looking at her so funny from time to time that she finally stopped walking and said “Okay, Petey. Out with it, what’s up with the staring and the troubled looks?”

Pete looked at the ground, the sky, the trees, and generally everywhere but her direction but finally answered. “Well, Carson, it’s you. You just… you’re supposed to be a man but sometimes I forget. You are so… feminine! And at times it really throws me off. You’re not like some gay guy acting like a sissy. You come across just like any woman would.”

Grace grinned at the poor man. “Petey dear, I am a woman where it counts, up here.” She tapped her head.

“And here.” She tapped her chest. Pete stared at her breasts and she laughed. “No, in my heart, not my breasts!” She dissolved in giggles, the first time she’d laughed since the caning. “Oh, thank you Petey. I needed a good laugh!”

Pete smiled and led her onwards, still confused but glad that he had helped his charge.

~o~O~o~

Pete dropped her off at the Kitchen. It was a small building connected by a swinging door to the Mess Hall. He said “Go on in, Carson. Emily will be in there and show you what needs to be done. She’s the Kitchen Supervisor.” He trotted off and Grace made her way in.

Emily Weston was a slim woman who looked to be in her mid-thirties. Grace thought her voice sounded familiar, and sure enough the Kitchen Supervisor was her mysterious caller that started this nightmare.

“You were supposed to, I don’t know, get a lawyer or some liberal ACLU types and get your friend out of here, not become a prisoner yourself! Do you have any idea what you are in for at this place, Miss Carson?”

Grace replied dryly “I have some idea, yes.”

Emily nodded. “I feel so bad for some of you. I don’t really hold with how they treat your kind here. I don’t think you can help being how you are. So, when Maddy asked me to contact you, I did it.”

Grace was still feeling irritated but tried to respond calmly. “Look, you could have told me a lot more and I’d have come here with some kind of backup or support. Instead I am stuck here, at least for a year.”

“I’m sorry Grace. But, I had very limited time and I really don’t want to become an inmate here.”

“Could you at least try to get me out of here!” Grace responded.

Emily looked down at the ground; obviously she realized that she was at least partially to blame for Grace’s incarceration here. “Grace… I’m not sure what you expect that I could do! I work here, yes, but I cannot just drive out of here with you or anyone else. The guards at the gate would see. They have cameras all over the parking area. If I tried to sneak you in to my car it would be spotted!”

Grace nodded in understanding, as she’d been spotting the cameras all over the place since she had arrived here. Another idea came to her, though. “Well, ok, sneaking me out is not going to work. I get that. How about contacting someone for me?”

The woman shook her head sadly. “Grace, the whole town is pretty much in his clutches. He brings in money — you know, donations from his radio program; his inmates do work for the town — for little of nothing. He’s a hero to those people. And the phones are monitored by the local phone co-op. They’d be all over me in a heartbeat!”

Grace didn’t have to ask who ‘he’ was.

Emily went on. “And as you no doubt found out firsthand, the Sheriff and his deputies are all in his pocket, too. All a phone call would earn me is a place in the women’s barracks as a prisoner.”

She met Grace’s sullen stare with a small smile. “Look, Grace… I might not be able to get you out of here, but maybe, next time I get a chance to call someone, I will do that for you. I’ll help you in any way that I can.”

“How did you call me last week without getting caught?” Grace asked.

“I was lucky. I was in town on errands for the kitchen, buying some utensils and a few supplies, you know. And the operator that monitors all the phone calls was at the store and her replacement that fills in was at the beauty shop. I’d seen her a few minutes earlier. So, I used the phone in the store office.”

“Well, the best place I would know to call would be the ACLU, I guess. You’d have to look up their number.”

Emily nodded. “We’ll see when the time comes. Meanwhile, have you ever peeled potatoes before, Grace?”

Grace sighed.

Other than it being monotonous work at times, Grace found she didn’t mind the kitchen duty all that much. Emily was easy to work for, and would often pitch in and help Grace with the tasks assigned to her.

Grace risked a question. “Emily, you said you didn’t approve of the treatment we get here. Why do you work here, that being the case?”

They were washing up pots and pans, and Emily was elbows-deep in water as much as Grace was. She thought for a bit then answered. “Well, Grace, first of all it’s a job, and I needed one. And, over time, I found that I could help the poor folks here a bit. Treat them like people, you know? I don’t hold with beatings and the other things they do here to break your spirit. Christ said to love one another as you would Him. That’s how we should all act.”

Grace could see why Maddy risked trusting this woman. She was everything a Christian was supposed to be.
Emily went on. “What about you, Grace? What is your faith? Do you have any?”

Grace decided to tell the truth. “Actually, Emily, I suppose you’d say I am Agnostic, or maybe a Deist. I don’t really know? I’d like to believe that Jesus is real and loves me but I don’t know that for certain. And if He is real, I am completely positive that He doesn’t want people who are different from the norm to be beaten, tortured, and brainwashed.”

Emily reached over to the sink Grace was washing in and took Grace’s hand and squeezed it gently. “Grace, you are a very special person. Much like Maddy is. I see why you two are friends. And I am so sorry that you are both stuck in this place. You don’t belong here.”

Grace squeezed her hand back, thankful to have found a new friend in this horrible purgatory.

~o~O~o~

“On time I see, and hopefully ready to work?” Ray growled at Grace. Grace nodded and replied “Yes, sir, I am.”

She got a nod and was waved at the Ironing area. Ray was, for the most part, a man of few words. She could feel his hatred. A different flavor than Mrs. Watson or the guards, but still, hatred. These people are… broken. I don’t know any other way to describe it. They are broken and small and filled with bitterness and hatred and… well everything negative you could imagine. They are the polar opposite of what Christians are supposed to be!

One thing became clear to many in the camp — and that was the fact the Grace’s mannerisms, deportment, and outlook was one hundred percent female. This caused no end of strange and disapproving looks amongst the more converted members of the camp, in addition to poor old Pete’s constant confusion. The inmates seemed to accept her as she was for the most part, however.

As for Pete, he was beginning to grow on Grace, somewhat. He never expressed hatred or gave her the evil looks that many here did. Oh, he parroted the bigoted idiocy that he was force-fed, but overall the man seemed to be a lot like Emily — a good human being in a horrible place.