Recently I made a post that was pretty down. I am getting better, working with my GT helps, but still it creeps up on me sometimes. If I made anyone nervous I apologize, overall many of you are better friends than I have in life.
I am finding compensations, but the fact is I do not like being trans. My Dad was very conservative (except where he was liberal concerning peoples rights), it rubbed off completely I'm afraid. I have always felt that people who thought of themselves as the opposite sex were the opposite sex, but I never got any input from Dad. I arrived at this one on my own, but I didn't really expect to apply it to myself. So here I am, not even 20% done. Spiro has had its way with me, and at the moment I've stopped loosing weight, though I can see fat shifting around (this at 203). My face is different, as a lot of fat is gone from there. I'll post some pictures when I get time. My goal is still under 170.
I'm letting my hair grow. Ludicrous given my male patter baldness, but what the hey. I am told that some hair may come back. Somehow, I doubt it.
So here I am, just starting what I refer to as the path. I keep hearing from folks almost done it has helped. God, I hope so. I don't hate being male, it just doesn't fit somehow. Only another trans seems to understand what I'm talking about. Talking with a few CD via PM (on this site) it is obvious they don't get it.
A very wise lady on this site told me it added a richness to her life, I was startled to hear the same words from another older trans at a local function. I have come out full fem once in public (other than the little sneaky things we do, like underwear and shoes). My biggest impression was I froze my buns off, dresses and whatnot are not thick fabric. Not that I have any buns to speak of, since loosing weight I feel bone when I sit. Padding back there will be welcome, like an old friend.
Anyhow, for now I've gotten the depression under control. I'm getting some negative feedback about my nails, I'm dealing with it. Some folk have refereed to what I am doing as brave. It isn't, it is about survival, I simply could not continue as I was.
Comments
male pattern recovery...
It is possible, but generally only if you catch it early. Once it becomes advanced, recovery is almost impossible except for maybe the very very most recently lost follicles.
I wouldn't say growing what's left is necessarily absurd though, you could have a weft sewn in where the hairline currently ends and placed such that you can cover up the bald. This would actually be better than a wig if you otherwise have a mostly full head of hair.
If you are so advanced that you are nearly bald, it'd probably be better to just shave it almost bald and pin a wig on.
Abigail Drew.
And you shouldn't have to!
I have to finally admit it. I am a coward. I can kick butt better than most, even from my wheelchair, but I can't face my Mom or my sibs. Total chicken. Still working on the laying eggs thing, though.
It's sad that I feel like this, but I can't help it. I tried to do it earlier this year, but no, I couldn't. I'm such a yutz.
Wren
You remember the Nike thing?
No, not the swish. Their old slogan. I think they've replaced it. But it used to be "Just Do It."
Best. Advice. Ever!
Even if they were trying to get you to "just buy (their) shoes!"
Honestly, they may not take it well, but you are their child. It's extremely unlikely that they'll stop loving you. Violence is (probably) not something to worry about either, but if it is, bring a friend, that you tell in advance, and will have your back, and that your parents respect.
My mom is still not handling my revelation, but she's more or less resigned herself to letting it happen but refusing to acknowledge that it is. It's kind of strange and hard to describe really what she's doing with it, but it's like she's disintegrating it... Oh, and she's taken a hold of the fact that Ohio doesn't let anyone change their birth certificates for any reason to insist that Andrew still exists. Sigh.
Abigail Drew.
Two sides of the coin.
I can empathize, I have finally come clean with my 3 kids, so far so good. The two oldest girls are somewhat in shock, I simply do no fit the image of who they found out I really am. And I haven't really started transitioning yet. I have long painted fingernails (clear coat) and manicured red toe nails, that no one ever sees. My hair is getting around 3-4" long, but I comb it back so it is not obvious. At the moment I am a man.
Side note here, trans or not, pedicures should be required for anyone with diabetes. It will eliminate any nastiness and infections, and get toenails under control (such as ingrown toenails). Let them know your diabetic, and make sure they understand that minor cuts and sores are not a minor issue. Your feet should come out clean and thoroughly disinfected, and much easier to keep that way.
Another trick that sounds incredibly stupid, but seems to work. I wear thick socks per the doctors recommendations, but I started wearing knee high hose under them. It keeps my feet incredibly dry, as the hose wicks my moisture to the socks, but isolates the socks from my skin. The hose is on sale from Walmart for 33¢. I started this as another sneaky way of wearing what I wanted, but have decided even full fem if I have to wear socks the hose stays. If you have to you can hide the short hose though, it is easy enough.
Parents and siblings. This is a toughy. I've lost all of mine, so that is one issue I do not have to face. Wish I did, but such is life (and death). It is a part of my depression, I just have to learn how to deal with it. I got to raise my brothers kids, so there was some good there for me long term, otherwise I would be truly alone. I'll get worried if they start shopping for a nursing home, but so far so good.
I have come out to HR at work, and have let them know they have plenty of time. Funny thing is, they have hired another trans, so she will get most of the credit when they up their diversity training. It will not be a total surprise to every one, I have had several comments about my nails and hair, some negative. This I can handle so far.
I just wish this weight would finish coming off, so I can start the other half of HRT.
Unfortunately, even more than estradiol...
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Spironolactone can lead to weight problems. In fact, it's my honest opinion that most trans weight problems are more from spiro than from any other facet of HRT.
Among spiro's wonderful effects are: dun dun dun! Unexplained, sudden, and drastic weight gain!
http://www.jillianmichaels.com/forums/jillian-michaels-unlim...
I also guarantee you those numbers quoted by her doc are wrong. It's just not reported accurately. Most people on spiro tend to live obese lifestyles, so they wouldn't notice. Remember, spiro is a diuretic first, then it's second most-prescribed use is for high bp. Chronic high bp is most common among the obese.
There's a trend that it's really bad immediately after going on it and then there's a lull and then it gets really REALLY bad after two years of chronic use.
It also an age correlation where the older you are, the worse it is...
No one's bothered trying to figure out what causes it, but, here's my take... It's mostly women or men with elevated estrogen reporting problems. My bet? It somehow interacts with estrogenic fats to make them harder to burn.
And her docs behavior appalls me. It's ethics like that which make me question the entire medical field and go WTH PEOPLE!?
I'm using a combo of saw palmetto and chinese skullcap for my anti-androgen and I don't have any problem losing weight and keeping it off. I'm also having an excellent and completely safe reduction in my T levels. I was previously using saw palmetto and licorice, but licorice is toxic. When I discovered the baicalein in chinese skullcap I switched. Chinese skullcap is a very powerful anti-androgen, containing both baicalein which blocks the androsteniodone -> testosterone pathway, and also beta-sitosterol, which weakly binds to androgen receptors preventing testosterone from doing so. Saw palmetto likewise contains beta-sitosterol, with the same activity, and also has (a currently unexplained) activity to block the testosterone -> dihydrotestosterone pathway. As a combination, they make an amazing team.
My theory on why they don't understand saw palmetto's activity? They're looking for a single chemical constituent that does the deed, I'm of the opinion that it's a specific combination of chemicals in a particular balance as found only in saw palmetto that does the deed.
EDIT: BTW, if your doctor isn't adverse to the concept of natural, herbal, methods of doing the job, you might ask them to put you on saw palmetto and chinese skullcap. I'd be very curious to have someone getting their levels actually checked on it. I can only go by physical evidence.
Abigail Drew.
Friends
I am not Trans but CD and I feel that I have more friends at BCTS than in real life.no that's not right I DO HAVE MORE FRIENDS HERE people that don't judge others are hard to find
HUGS & KISSES EVERBODY -- RICHIE2
Transgender designs in an off the rack world...
So here I am, just starting what I refer to as the path. I keep hearing from folks almost done it has helped. God, I hope so. I don't hate being male, it just doesn't fit somehow.
I can 'wear' my maleness, and will likely be sporting that wardrobe for a very long time. But it doesn't fit...it's designed for a different person in a way, you know? I've been feeling more out of place and ill-suited lately, and it doesn't feel good at all. But I also know that, as a dear friend reminded me recently, I cannot allow those issues to define me. I have a life to lead, no matter how well I succeed in achieving my dreams, aye?
I should say I know plenty of crossdressers via the internet and certainly a lifetime's worth of non-transgendered family and friends. I think that even those of them who don't understand might care enough to at least try. There are some, however, that either refuse to understand, or choose to define us by their 'understanding.'
If you can't speak your mind here, where can you speak. I'm glad you spoke your mind and heart about your frustrations and disappointments, since I (and I suppose a great deal more) feel exactly like that on all too frequent occasions. Thank you, dear heart!
Love, Andrea Lena
Wardrobe and hair loss
Male pattern baldness: yes, I have that, and because I started out late in life it is advanced. Shaving and a wig. I have three, two of a similar longer style and one shorter one that actually does daily duty...I like long hair, but it does get in the way.
Wardrobe: dresses and skirts. There is a wealth of choice in materials. I have a particularly nice wool skirt that, coupled with opaque tights and long boots, is nicely warm. The flare of the item's line gives me 'width' down there. Skirts are alomsot always a new woman's choice as they are unambiguous in their message about the wearer's gender, but as you grow more assured you will find that trousers have their place, as do leggings. Warmth and comfort, girl, and whatever you feel is 'nice'.
Some humor for the mix.
I promised my eldest girl a shopping trip and $100 of clothes. At last, I could finally browse the womans cloths without feeling awkward! Of course, she wound up with $140 in cloths, and a extra item found its way into the cart for me. Shopping can be addicting, I guess. Funny, never interested me before.
Of course, we were looking for shoes, and I saw some pumps that were my size (but not my width). What is a girl supposed to do? I tried them on, with her sputtering and protesting while she was trying hers on. I figure she might as well get used to it, but I do understand one point, a bald overweight guy does give pause when trying on heels in public. If nothing else my sense of humor has had to develop some.
Then there is the name thing, I am told Wendy (which I am thinking of using) is not an attractive name. Both the kids (22 and 28, but they are still my kids) hate it, and I like it. Hmmm, decisions decisions.
Spiro may be only temporary. If I can get the weight under control (defined as 180 or less) then my BP may adjust on its own. It is only used as a T-Blocker for most folk.
I write this for two reasons, it is possible I can help some other fellow traveler, and it is stress relief. I started this with profound ignorance, and am still mostly there, but now and then stuff does present itself. Maybe it is worth passing on.
My doc said I would plateau, and I seem to have done so. However, a couple of points, I can reduce my calorie intake quite a bit more, and I am already increasing my walking distances, I do over 5 miles ever couple of days now. I figure I am eating around a 1000 calories per day. Loosing weight really isn't that hard, if you are motivated. I think I have found my motivation.
I have said this before, I find it humorous that the first thing guys who are becoming girls do is go on a diet (like a girl). Must be genetic.
1000 a day?!
Damn girl. There ain't any way you're getting enough nutrition at that many calories!
I average around 1200 a day and I only weigh 140 pounds.
That could be part of the problem as well. 1000 calorie diet at your weight is starvation... Your body is going into starvation mode and packing away instead of burning.
Abigail Drew.
The math is simple,
The numbers are an estimate. I typically eat 1 small bowl of packaged oatmeal for dinner (just before bed at 7:30AM, 160 calories, going to a different type at 100 calories). I have my big meal when I get up (8PM), occasionally I will wake up hungry in the middle of the day and have a salad w/ a few cherry tomatoes. Big meal in this case is typically 2 chili dogs. A baloney sandwich at lunch (2AM) w/ mustard. Occasionally a package of almonds if I get too hungry (250 calories). I have no clue what the salad or the dogs are in calories, guess I need to look them up.
BTW, if you have problems with cramping mustard is your friend. Something the peoples pharmacy on PBS mention is a teaspoon of plain yellow mustard will stop cramps cold, no idea why but it seems to work.
As I've said, I'm upping my walking. This should be the big hitter.
Sorry about that.
I hope that you will be happy with the end results.
May Your Light Forever Shine