“You know what. F*** YOU! All I’ve done is take s*** from officials and more s*** from the press. F*** it! I don’t need it!” Becoming Antonia Part 14 By Little miss potty mouth, & Zomba

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The media fire storm we created with the press conference was crazier than when we won the sprint car nationals. Larry King even had us both on to talk about why she was doing it.

“Is this a publicity stunt, or are you really going to try to race the other drivers, with just hand controls?” he asked.

“Why is it that when someone with a disability tries to overcome their little problem, the world assumes that they are just out for the glory?” she asked. Then in a mocking tone she continued, “Oh, look at me I’m a girl in a wheelchair, but I drove in a race car. Everyone come look at the freak!”

She was getting hot now. I’d never seen her this fired up. “If you, or anyone else for that matter, think for one second that I’m going to just go out there and just turn laps, and not drive what’s left of my ass off in that race car to make sure my sponsor ends up in victory lane and have my face engraved as the first woman ever to win the Indianapolis 500, you are sadly mistaken. I am a racer MISTER King. I have been a racer since I was 4 years old. The only thing I’ve ever wanted to do is drive faster then anyone else on the track that day. It’s all I still think about.

You see this wheel chair, and you take pity on me.” She put her hand on my shoulder. “My best friend saw me in this chair and knew that I was proving the doctors wrong. The same people who told me I’d be a pataplegic, with limited use of my arms and hands for the rest of my life. I proved them wrong by being able to use my arms better than I did before the crash.

Toni saw me and didn’t take pity on me, she saw me as a friend and tried to help me get back to doing what I love to do, drive race cars. People act like I’m the only person in the world doing this. Guess what, I’m not.

Does the name Alex Zanardi ring a bell? Let me clue you in. Indy car champion, who went to Formula 1 and then lost the use of his legs in a bad crash. Guess what? He’s still driving race cars. He’s still winning races. He’s still winning championships. Are you asking him if this is a publicity stunt? No, because I’m a woman, you try to hold me to a different standard. That’s BULL....!”

They bleeped out the rest of her statement.

“You bring up and interesting point Jessica. Joining us live via satellite from Germany, is Alex Zanardi. Welcome Alex,” Larry told us as Alex’s face came on the monitor.

“Thanks for having me”

“Let’s get right down to it. Is Jessica being held to a different set of standards just because she’s a woman?”

“Yes she is Larry, and I too think it’s bull....”

They bleeped him out too.

“She’s a driver. When we race on the track, it doesn’t matter to a driver if the person in the other car is a man, woman, or hermaphrodite. They are other drivers, and all you want to do is out drive them. So, everyone making a big deal about her trying to come back needs to lighten up. I think she’s lucky to have such a great friend who wants to help her succeed. And Toni, when you are done playing in the US, look me up. I could use a person like you building my race cars.”

I was floored. Here was a man I grew up watching race, and he was asking me to build him a car. I haven’t looked at the tape yet, but I’ll bet my face was beet red from the shock. Then it dawned on me, he used to drive for Chip too.

“How about you come back here, and we knock the racing world on it’s ass by having the first 1, 2 finish in INDY history by paraplegic drivers?” I shot back with a big smile on my face, and I could see the gears turning in his head as he thought about it.

“Let me talk to Chip about it,” he said just before we went to break.

A couple days later, while I was tuning the computers on the car, Chip came up to me and was laughing his head off.

“Can you tell me why I just got a call from Alex?” Chip asked me.

“Uh, because I told him that if he came back to drive for you, I’d build him a car just like I did for Jess.”

“Yeah, then tell me why I’m paying you what I’m paying you?”

“Because you know no one else is better suited to handle Jess than I am.”

He just looked at me and handed me an envelope.

As I took it from him my mind started to race. I’ve seen this scenario played out many times. There is a check and a pink slip in there. So I went on the offensive. “What? You’re going to fire me? Just like that? Because I think I can give you a 1, 2 finish at INDY with two drivers that are both in wheel chairs? You know what. FUCK YOU! All I’ve done is take shit from officials and more shit from the press. Fuck it! I don’t need it!” I was fuming, and Chip just stared at me.

“Uh, ok, maybe I should give you a bigger raise?” he said like a kid that had just been sent home from school with a note from the teacher.

“Wait, what? Raise? You mean this isn’t a pink slip?” I asked in shock and now embarrassment.

“Uh, no. Why would I fire the woman who just gave me the biggest marketing ploy of all time. You’re a genius Toni. The only way you’re leaving Chip Ganassi Racing is when YOU decide it’s over.”

“Oh, wow, I need some time off. I think I’m starting to crack up. Sorry about that Chip. It’s just that I’ve seen this before. Someone makes a statement on national TV, and the next thing they know, they are looking for another job,” I told him, rubbing my head.

“Take the afternoon off. Go relax. Do something to get your mind right,” he told me with a smile. “ Tell you what. Take the jet, go home, visit your family and just relax. We’ll see you next week.”

“Wow, um, thanks Chip. Damn. Look, sorry about the whole 'F' you thing.”

“Don’t worry about it. You said it yourself, you’ve been under a lot of stress. So, take some time, with pay. Go enjoy yourself.” He kissed me on the forehead and sent me on my way.

I packed and met the plane at the corporate terminal at the airport and headed back to Syracuse. I had a rental car waiting for me when I got there, so I could surprise my mom and Sarah. I stopped at a nearby flower shop and got a couple bouquets, then headed for mom’s office. I went up to her floor and stood there at the front counter with the flowers in front of my face, so you really couldn’t tell it was me.

“Excuse me, I have a delivery for Michelle,” I told the receptionist.

“Let me page her,” she told me as she called into mom’s office. Mom came out and had a puzzled look on her face as I held the flowers so she couldn’t tell it was me.

“Who are these from?” she asked as she reached for the vase.

“Your kid,” I told her as I pulled the flowers down, and then stood there as mom hugged me with tears in her eyes.

“What are you doing here? Isn’t this your busy time?”

“Chip told me to take a week and just relax. I’ve been under a lot of stress, and he knew I needed to just chill. So, he lent me his jet to fly home,” I told her giggling and crying with her.

Mom took an early lunch, and we just chatted over a sandwich. I told her I’d call her later, after I saw Sarah and Patrick. So, she went back to work, and I went to Sarah’s. She was pulling in her driveway just as I was pulling up in front of her house. So, I tried the same trick, but Patrick had seen me, and came running to hug me, as Sarah just looked shocked that I was there.

“Hey sport, how was school today?” I asked him as he hugged my waist.

“We just got back from the MOST!” he told me.

“Cool, I used to love going there when I was a kid.”

He smiled and ran into the house when Sarah told him to let the dog out.

“These are for you,” I told her as I held out the bouquet. We both stood there in the middle of the sidewalk in the middle of February in Syracuse, freezing our tit’s off.

“Um, thanks, you want to come in?” she asked, as she took the flowers from me.

“That would be nice,” I said, and I helped her with her bags from the store. “So how were the holidays?”

“They were pretty un-eventful for once. No major drama, or anything weird happening.”

“Did Pat get the gifts I sent him?”

“Oh, you mean the complete collection from both legos and hot wheels? Yes, and I think you need to explain to him that he needs to pick up his cars when he’s done playing with them.”

“Yeah, I was the same way as a kid,” I told her giggling. “Did you get the gifts I sent you and Isabelle?”

She looked me in the eyes and smiled. “Yes. She just loves the Barbie play house you got her, and the tea set is used every night before she’ll go to sleep. The sweater you sent for me is lovely. The skirt goes great with the shirt my mom got me, and the necklace was adorable. Thank you,” she said, as she kissed me.

“Did you look in the locket?”

“No, I thought it was just a plain cameo.”

“No. Here,” I told her, as I pulled the locket open and showed her the three pictures inside. One was of her and myself as Pat from when we first started dating. The other on the outer was of us from INDY. The third was of her, Patrick, Isabelle, and myself.

She started to cry. “It’s a past, present and future locket.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything, just gimme a hug,” I told her as I took her in my arms, as Patrick came back in with the dog.

“Mommy, why are you crying?” he asked.

“Because mommy’s happy honey,” she told him, as she pulled him into our hug, and I hoisted him onto my hip.

“Wow, you’re getting big aren’t you?” I asked my son.

“Yes I am Momma Toni. I’m the tallest kid in my class,” he informed me with a beaming grin.

Then it dawned on me that he called me momma. My son, for the first time since I’d met him, had acknowledged me as part of him. All I could do was stand there and cry and hug my boy as I tried to look at Sarah. I couldn't speak, so I had to mouth the words ‘thank you’ to her while I tried to wipe the tears away.

“Tell you what, let’s go out to dinner. It’s Friday, and I’m taking my family out,” I told Sarah and Patrick.

“So what time are we picking your mom up?” she asked me.

“No, I was thinking of something else,” I told her as I got down on one knee and pulled a box from my pocket. I opened it and showed the ring inside to Patrick. “Do you think Mommy would like to have this?”

“Wow, Mommy Toni, that’s as big as the ring Uncle James gave Aunt Amanda,” he smiled at me. “Mommy always said she liked her ring.”

“Ok, now for the important question. If it’s alright with mommy, would you like to be one big family?” I asked him, as Sarah started to cry.

“Would I? You mean it? You’re gonna come and live with us and Isabelle?” he asked beaming more.

“We’d all live together, that is if your mom says yes to me,” I told him, as I turned the ring box to Sarah and reached for her hand.

She nodded and squeaked out a yes as she held out her hand for me to put the diamond on. Then, she pulled me up to her and hugged me tight. Just like the first time I asked her to marry me, I whispered into her ear as she held on to me. “Where is the baby?”

“Mandy and James are bringing her by in a little while.”

“Good so you and I get to share the happy news with your sister, who last time she actually spoke to me, told me to move my skinny ass off her cooler, while you and I were having an important conversation.” I told her with a pseudo smile.

“It’ll be alright. She and I’ve talked since then and she’s actually alright with you being around again,” she told me with a smile.

“So, no drama like we had on Valentines a few years back?”

“Nope. If she starts to get pissy, just remember that your son is here and don’t do anything.”

“I know. I’ll keep my cool,” I told her, as I hugged her. “Besides, tonight is about celebrating you,” I told her, and I playfully poked her in the nose then kissed her.

As if on cue, JD and Mandy walked in with the baby. As I broke off the kiss, I saw Mandy standing there open-mouthed, just looking at me. I smiled and waved from the kitchen as she let the baby down off her hip and Patrick ran to hug her. After they got their coats off, Patrick and Isabelle went upstairs to go play while the “adults” had a chat in the living room.

“Well? Are you going to tell them?” I asked Sarah with a giggle.

“Tell us what?” Mandy asked with a “WTF” look on her face.

“This,” was all Sarah said as she held out her hand with the ring I had made for her. It’s normally called a mother's band. It had several stones inlayed in a gold band, usually consisting of the month stone for the wedding and the birth months of the children. I had them change it slightly and have the center stone sit up a little. Then, I had Patrick’s and Isabelle’s birth stones put in to flank the center diamond, which I had gotten from my dad. It was the original stone he had given mom in their engagement ring.

Mandy was speechless for the first time in all the time I’d known her. She just kept looking at the ring, then at Sarah, then at me and then back to the ring. JD was the first to break the ice.

“Wow, that’s a nice ring Sarah. So does this mean what I think it means?” he asked.

Sarah nodded and Mandy got up and hugged her sister tight. I stood, and JD shook my hand. We just stood there, waiting for the tender sister moment to finish.

“Do mom and dad know yet?” Mandy asked.

“No. Toni only asked me about 2 minutes before you guys showed up.”

Mandy looked at me with a straight face then started to smile as she reached out and pulled me into a hug, while whispering in my ear, “If you hurt her, I will find you and kill you a slow painful death.”

“You won’t have to. If I hurt her, I’ll kill myself,” I whispered back.

“Ok, let's get the kids ready. I’m taking us all out to dinner,” I told everyone.

We had a quiet sit down dinner at “Dominic’s”, a little Italian place in Syracuse. I thought it would be a nice place to enjoy the meal. Patrick and Isabelle surprised me with how well behaved they both were while we all ate. After dinner, I asked Sarah if it would be alright if we stopped by the toy store.

“Good kids like ours deserve something for behaving like a perfect little lady and gentleman,” I told her.

“Ok, but nothing too big.” she told me, as I giggled.

We got to the toy store, and she went with Isabelle. I took Patrick, more like my son took me, to the same part of the store I always made a bee-line for when I was his age. We picked out a couple of the larger Hot Wheels cars and went to find his mom and sister, who were drooling over the latest in dolls.

“Find any you like honey?” I asked Isabelle. Who just nodded. “Ok, which ones do you want?”

She pointed to a couple of dolls and I smiled at her as I plucked them from the shelf for her. I handed her the boxes as we made our way to the checkout. We met JD and Mandy back at Sarah’s house, and I asked them if they would mind watching the kids while Sarah and I went to break the news to my mom.

“Ok, but her curfew is 10pm, and no funny stuff,” Mandy said with a giggle, trying to sound like a mom.

“Ok, mom,” Sarah shot back, as she stuck out her tongue at her younger sister.

“Ok, you know where everything is. Here’s my cell number, and Sarah’s cell, my mom’s cell, and Doug’s. Here’s their house number. The number for poison control, and if anything happens just call 911. Lock the door behind us, and don’t answer the phone or the door. There are some weirdo’s in this neighborhood, and we don’t want anything to happen to you kids,” I shot back, trying to play the part of parent talking to a teen babysitter. I was met with a finger from Mandy. We all had a laugh over the whole thing, then Sarah and I went to go see mom.

We pulled up around 9pm, and I had called mom on my cell to make sure she was still up. She let us into the building, and we all sat in the living room as Doug made coffee for himself and me and some tea for mom and Sarah. Once everyone was there, I turned to Sarah and smiled.

“You want to tell her or do you want me to do it?” I asked.

“Tell us what? Mom asked as she looked at me, then at Sarah.

“I’m going to be a part of my son’s life mom. I asked Sarah to marry me tonight and she said yes,” I told her beaming with happiness.

Mom stood up and hugged Sarah then asked to see the ring. Sarah held out her hand, and mom smiled as she apparently recognized the stone I’d had used for the center. She hugged me and asked if we’d set a date.

“No, not yet mom. There’s still a few things to work out,” I told her.

“Ok, well are you moving back to Syracuse or is Sarah moving to Indianapolis with you?”

“That’s one of the things we need to work out,” I said.

“I’ll be moving to Indy. JD and Mandy will be in Belvedere, so they won’t be too far away.”

“Wow, I guess I’ll have to talk to Chip and the crew at the shop to see if they know which are the good schools to have you teach at then huh?” I asked

“That’s one option,” Sarah told me with a sly grin.

“Or you could home school the kids and make sure they both get the best education around,” I shot back with a smile, which was met with a big hug from Sarah.

“We can talk about that too,” she told me as she looked at her watch. “It’s getting late and we need to get back before “Momma Mandy” has kittens.”

I hugged mom and Doug and told her I’d call her to meet up for lunch tomorrow. As Sarah and I went out to the car, I asked her to call Mandy and tell her we were on our way, that way she wouldn’t worry. She did, and we got back to the house just a bit before 10pm. Sarah went to put her key in the door, and I grabbed her and pulled her into a very romantic kiss right there on the front steps. It kind of reminded me of when we used to date, and I’d walk her to the door after every date. Suddenly, the light came on, and there was Mandy standing in the doorway grinning.

“I thought I said no funny stuff missy?” she held back a giggle as she tried to sound stern.

“Yes mom,” Sarah shot back, rolling her eyes.

We said good-bye to JD and Mandy and got ready for bed. I went to check on the kids while Sarah washed up. I looked in on Isabelle first, as she slept there looking like the complete angel she is. I made sure not to squeak the door as I gently shut it. When I peeked in on Patrick, I saw him laying there cuddling with a plush Grave Digger monster truck. This immediately brought back the memory of my dad taking me to my first monster truck show when I was his age. The tears started to roll down my cheek as I felt Sarah’s soft hand and arm wrap around my waist. She smiled and wiped the tears away for me as she pulled the door shut and took me by the hand to the bedroom.

“From what I learned from your dad,” she told me hugging me tight, “he’s more like you then you’ll ever know.”

“Yeah, that’s what scares the hell out of me. I know what I was like growing up.” I started to giggle, as I wiped more tears away, “I guess the mother’s curse is holding true: ‘I hope you have one just like you.'”

“I hope he grows up to be just like you too,” Sarah told me, with a kiss on the cheek, and she snuggled me close as we both drifted off to sleep.

To be continued...