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Mum came up with an incredible suggestion to me the other day. She proposed that I might like to take my brother Joe with me on holiday for a couple of weeks, staying with Uncle David and his new fancy woman in Dundee. What is there for me to see or do in Dundee? Its only claims to fame are stodgy fruit cake, an incompetent poet and a bridge that fell down!* I told her flat that I had no particular wish to be saddled with the company of a fourteen-year old sociopath in a foreign country where the weather is usually dreadful and the natives can barely speak English. It was bad enough that I was expected to look after him at home on those occasions when her work required her to spend a night or two away.

‘Your brother is not a sociopath — he’s just a little shy that’s all,’ she replied. ‘I know he can be hard work at times, but I’m getting anxious about him now that the summer holidays are about to begin. He doesn’t seem to have any friends since Martin and his family moved away from the village in March.’

‘Exactly — he’s a sociopath. Why can’t he enjoy some of the things that other boys do? At least then I might get to meet some of the elder brothers of his friends, rather than being known as the sister of the ‘Village Nerd’. It is difficult enough to meet decent looking boys in this God forsaken place as it is.’

Mum sighed and didn’t press the issue as she knew that she was going to require my co-operation during the summer holidays. Maybe Joe isn’t quite a sociopath, but even when he did have a friend they used to spend all their time on their computers but never doing anything remotely interesting like playing games or downloading music.

We live in Rusper a village not far from Gatwick Airport in southern England. I am sure there are worse places to live but there are only a few teenagers locally, and we have to go to secondary school in Crawley which is four miles away. Unlike my brother, I have lots of girl friends of my own age (sixteen), but most of them, including my best friend Sue, live in Crawley. Sue has a twin sister, Karen, although they are not very like one another. Karen’s best friend is Denise, whose parents are quite wealthy. They live in a big house in Ifield which is mid-way between Rusper and Crawley. The four of us are currently preoccupied with preparing for a costume convention at the end of the month. The organisers have taken over a hotel in the Midlands for a weekend, and the participants are expected to wear fancy dress costumes relating to the theme of the convention.

‘So what is this convention all about?’ Mum wanted to know, when I’d asked whether I could go.

‘The theme this year is ’the nineties’’ I replied. ‘There’ll be prizes for the best song and dance acts from the 1990s, and also for the best costumes from the 1890s. It was Denise’s idea that we should all attend and her parents have bought her a lovely long dress to wear for the costume parade.’

‘I won’t be able to buy you any expensive costume.’

Life has been a struggle for Mum, as a single parent, but things have begun to get better since she has begun to work full-time.

‘I know: the rest of us poor souls will just have to make do as best we can for Saturday night. However, Sue and I are keen to go in for the song and dance competition on the Friday night and the others have agreed to help us. We’re going as a typical 1990s girl group based on the ‘Spice Girls’. We’ve worked out a routine and have a karaoke version of one of their records. We are going to call ourselves ‘Angelica’ and we’ve been helping one another to make suitable outfits. Denise’s mother is going to loan us different coloured wigs for the show,’ I replied.

‘I thought that there were five ‘Spice Girls?

‘There were, at first, but after 1998 there were only four of them, but in any event we’re just basing our act on them, not copying outright.’

‘What about your accommodation?’

‘I’ll be sharing a hotel room with Sue, and Karen will share with Denise. I have been saving up out of my pocket money.’

‘How are you intending to get there?’ she asked.

Denise’s mother has agreed to drive the entire group of us to the hotel in her six-seater car, together with ‘Aunt Jean’, they will be sharing a room as well.

(I should have explained that Aunt Jean is Sue and Karen’s mother, who is also quite friendly with my mum.)

‘I would trust Jean to keep an eye on you and the twins and make sure you don’t get themselves into trouble, so I suppose you can go, but I’m going to need your co-operation in return.’

‘In what way?’ I asked suspiciously.

‘I’m going to have to leave on Sunday afternoon to travel up to Manchester to get ready for an exhibition on Monday morning, so I’ll want you to look after Joe for me again. However, I can take this Friday afternoon off instead. It is the last day of term and you will be released at lunch time. I thought we could all go shopping together in Crawley to make sure you have plenty of supplies whilst I’m away.’

‘I’ll look after Joe on Sunday night, if I have to, but I can’t go shopping with you. The girls and I are going to need to work on our costumes on Friday. However, you could give us a lift to Sue and Karen’s house, if you like, and collect me again in the evening.’

‘Alright Jenny, I’ll give you a lift over to Crawley and collect you afterwards but what are we going to do about your brother?’

‘Couldn’t you take him shopping with you in the afternoon and then in the evening he can either watch television or else play on his computer’ I suggested.

‘I suppose so, but I’m getting a bit worried about him being such a loner all the time. I don’t suppose there would be any way in which you could involve him in this convention that you are planning to attend?’

For a second I was appalled at her suggestion, but then I recalled the arrangements.

‘Sorry Mum, but all the bookings have been made some time ago, and he would have no costume to wear. Also there would be no room for him in the car when we go, and in any event, it would involve him spending some of his money, and you know how he likes to hoard it all the time.’

Mum sighed again, but accepted the inevitable.

‘I’d better check with Jean first that it is going to be alright for you to spend Friday afternoon and evening there,’ she said.

(* Wikipedia has articles on Dundee Cake, William Topaz McGonagall, and the Tay Bridge disaster, if you are interested.)