Hezekiah’s Choice
She quickly but quietly entered my room and came up to my bed. It seems I am incapable of getting out of my bed without assistance. She has a razor in her hand as she tells me she will be removing my hair from my legs, chest and abdomen. I have no choice but to allow her to proceed.
I have no choice because I am laying in a hospital bed being prepped for quadruple open heart surgery. The doctors told my wife and me that surgery shouldn’t wait as I would probably be dead in a few months without it. Thus this nurse methodically removes my hair from my body, and preps me for my upcoming surgery.
It seems a little background information is in order here. I am 58 years old and have tried to keep myself in fairly good shape. I am happily married for 34 years, a Christian and I don’t drink or smoke, but my genetic makeup is my problem. The heart is in good shape but the supporting cast is clogged, 90% and over in a couple instances. Oh, and I am also a “closet crossdresser.” My wife doesn’t know and I only rarely dress and when I do I have never been out in public. A few years ago I poorly attempted to talk to my wife about my childhood and my introduction to my mom’s clothes but she didn’t take it well and made it clear she didn’t want to hear about it and walked away saying the subject will never be brought up again. I love my wife and children dearly and for their sakes I never approached the subject again. A couple times over the years I almost got caught but was able to escape just in the “nick of time.”
Back to the present, I have been praying diligently and have accepted the possibility that I might not survive the surgery and I feel at peace with this.
I am not sure if it happened while in surgery or before but I had a vision and an beautiful angelic being stood before my bed and stated, “ Peace and do not be afraid. The Lord has heard your prayers and has seen your tears and you shall be surely healed. He will add fifteen years to your live, but you have a choice as to how you will live out those fifteen years. You can choose to spend your last fifteen years as you have by being the loving husband to your wife and father to your children, or you can live the next fifteen years, as a beautiful 25 year old women, who will not remember anything of your family or your past.” At this point I see an image of the woman of my or anyone’s dream. Then the angel continues by saying, “You have only a few seconds to make your choice. Regardless of your choice, you must remember you have been granted fifteen additional years. Chose wisely!”
What would you choose? Well, I chose to spend my last fifteen years as….