by Closetdrsr

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It started out as a sort of a game. One of those sex games that married couples indulge in to spice up their relationship, especially when one, in this case me, had experienced performance issues.

My name was Chris Carling, and I, like about 10 million other men, suffer from severe erectile dysfunction.

When my wife first suggested I try on her black satin and lace panties and bra, I had just passed my 36th birthday. Now don't jump to any conclusions. At the time we started this game, I believe my wife had no ulterior motive, except to follow some advice to try to help my performance issue. After all, we both liked sex and wanted a healthy sex life. I had been experiencing 'issues' for a couple of years, mostly due to work stress and travel, and the associated 'performance anxiety' hadn't helped either. I'd tried prescriptions for viagra and cialis. Both had worked for a short while, but had become ineffectual about half of the time. I also experienced a number of after effects from these medications - headaches, stomach issues ans blood noses, all of which contributed to them being ineffective as a long term solution.

Now, just to set out some background. I'm almost 5 foot 9, and weigh in at a trim 120 lb. But that was not always the case. When I was 33, I had been diagnosed with the early signs of age-onset diabetes. At the time, I weighed in at a portly 200 lb, mostly due to my wife's excellent cooking, but also due to being sedentary. I'm self employed, and work from home when I'm not traveling to clients. At the beginning of the smart phone revolution I developed a number of 'apps' for the iphone, and later for other systems as well. Over the next 6 years, and still today, I earn a healthy paycheck from them, and now use those concepts from the apps for building applications for Fortune 500 companies.

My wife, Jess, is a HR manager for a largish banking and investment firm her in Chicago. We originally met by introduction by way of my younger sister Sophie, when she was just finishing up in college. Basically a blind date, that, although not a train wreck, didn't really go very well. Although there was a spark of attraction, we were just going in different directions at that point in time. I had just arrived back in the states from serving in the Middle East as an Army Second Lieutenant in the Intelligence Community and was looking for work in the IT sector. She was finishing her Management Degree, and like many students in a liberal college, had anti-war sentiments. She was also a self-professed skirt chaser, and had only agreed to the date because of her friendship with my sister.

We met again three years later at Sophie's funeral. I asked Jess if we could get together to catch up on my sisters life, since I'd rarely seen her in the past three years. Our parents had died in a car accident when I was seven, she was five and we had been raised by my mother's parents until I had gone off to college. I had missed her, and wanted help to fill in the gaps. Jess and I then dated off and on for another two years before she decided I was Mr Right.

We tried for children, but to no avail. Although I've always only had one testicle and a small scrotum, the doctors suspected a chemical or radiation agent from my time in Iraq. I produced the swimmers, albeit in lower quantities, but they had no stamina.

During one of my annual medical checkups following up on my diabetes, I got to discussing my erectile dysfunction issue in a little more detail than in previous doctor appointments. I think it was because it was the first time I'd met with the doctor and that she was one of those 'trainee doctors' that passed through the practice from time to time. She had a way about her that disarmed my normal reticence to discuss my issue with my normal male doctor. A lot of her charm, for no better word seems to fit, it that she asked me questions not about my performance, but about how I reacted to sex and sexual stimuli in general.

Without going into all the details, she identified that I was not 'visually' stimulated before or during sex, that is using 'pictures' and such, but I was more 'tactile'; that I needed to physically touch to be stimulated.

We discussed my inability to masturbate; a upbringing outcome of being raised by grand-parents more puritanical than a Lutheran preacher. I had been 'brain conditioned' that masturbation was bad and should not be undertaken. Strangely this was really the only 'conditioning' that was outwardly manifested, even after 15 years of leaving their home.

But back to the 'game'.

In response to the doctors advice, my wife had started to dress up in lingerie as a way to provoke my 'tactile' response and arousal. This had the desired effect, and for about six months, the sex was consistent and fulfilling. Now, Jess may not be a 'classic' beauty, but she can stop traffic. She has curves in all the right places, and at an inch shorter than me, has shapely long legs and wonderfully firm breasts.

But, one Sunday night in early November, when I asked whether she was interested in having sex, and had received a non-committal type of response, I started to push a little. In the past that had generally worked. But that night, her response was "I don't feel like dressing up".
I resorted to begging while she watched the tv.

After two or three more attempts, she turned on me, and said, "Ok, but only if you wear the lingerie."
Like any normal male, i just laughed, but stopped shortly thereafter when i noted that she wasn't kidding.
"But I can't wear your lingerie, it wouldn't fit" was the best retort I could come up with.
She seemed to think about that.

"ok, I guess the teddy is out of the question, but I have something that will work."

She got up off the sofa, and dragged me up the stairs and into the bedroom, and pulled out her black satin and lace panties and a matching black bra from one of her dresser drawers and handed them to me. As I stood there holding them, she striped down to her bra and panties and got into bed. I striped off myself and went to get into bed too, but was told that if I wanted to get into bed I'd better be wearing the panties and bra.

I reluctantly pulled on the panties. I was surprised to discover how nice they felt. They were a full brief, with an elastic lace band about three inches wide that felt firm across the midriff. My penis responded immediately. It took me a couple of minutes to put on the bra. It was very tight around my back and I kept fumbling with the hooks, but eventually got it by pulling it around so that the hooks were in front, then spinning it back once hooked.

I looked up to find my wife giggling quietly at my efforts. By this point, the front of the panties seemed to barely constrain my penis, and the lace rubbing on the head was exquisite. Unlike most times we've had sex, there was very little foreplay that night.

The following Wednesday night we did it again, except I wasn't pouting when she gave me the panties and bra. It was a fun night. I awoke the next morning still wearing the bra and panties. The bra was very tight and uncomfortable, and had left marks around my back and across the shoulders. The cups were way too big, but I noticed that the bra had pushed my 'moobs' in and upward so as to appear to have a beginning of cleavage. As I was adjusting them, Jess came back into the bedroom with coffee.

She 'oohed' when she saw the red marks on my body and shoulders, and told me to take the bra off. She then gave me a gentle back massage, and informed me that the red marks would probably be there till the weekend. So much for my game of shirts and skins basketball with the neighborhood guys at the gym later today.

I was traveling all the next week and Jess was up at her Moms for the weekend when I got back. Her dad was not well with lung cancer caused by years of smoking, and her mom needed the moral support.

It wasn't until after thanksgiving that we played our little game again. This time, Jess had given me a new bra. It was still black, smooth with a lacey band, but with smaller cups. I looked at the tag as I put it on. Wonderbra Uprising 36A. It fit me very well, and completely transformed my chest. My moobs completely filled the cups, almost to overflowing, and if it wasn't for the light chest hair, you'd swear they looked like a woman's breasts.

After very satisfying sex, she gently played with my moobs in their encasing bra. Normally I wasn't a big fan of her doing that, but it felt very nice. It wasn't long before the panties were tented again, and this time she rode on top.

Two weeks later she came home from grocery shopping and handed me a bottle of what looked like shampoo or conditioner. It was actually a dilipatory cream. I looked at her inquiringly, and she whispered "it's for your chest".That night after dinner I took a shower, and after reading the instructions applied the cream to my chest. It burned a little but not uncomfortably. After a few minutes I turned back around and let the shower water wash the cream away, along with most of my chest hair. I was about to finish up in the shower when Jess joined me. She applied more cream all over my back and buttocks and then over my thighs. After another couple of minutes, she used a scraper to wipe away any hair in those regions and turned the hot water right up. Hair swirled down the drain and I was as smooth as she was from the knees up. We didn't need any help that night for sex.

I was traveling again just prior to Christmas. While I was in New York i bought her some beautiful diamond drop earrings. They were both a Christmas gift as well as a celebration gift. I had just successfully signed up a new client, and as such would need to travel a little more in the new year. Just a little something to keep her happy.

For Christmas she surprised me with an upgraded computer for the media center, one with a built-in Blu-ray player. A second present contained a new bra and two pairs of matching panties and a thong, all in a pale brown color that I later discovered was called nude. In addition, there was a pink chemise with black lace around the cups, hem and the back plunge.

I wore the thong to her mothers for Christmas dinner under my jeans just to be naughty. I would have preferred the panties but they sat too high and would have been visible. That night i put on the nude bra and the chemise before bed. Jess thought I was the best Christmas present yet.

The next three months went by quickly. I was still traveling a lot, generally every second week. The time I had at home was also tied up with work deadlines. Jess was busy as well, spending more time with her Mom, who was staying in the guest bedroom more often than not as her husband was in the hospital. The time Jess and I had together alone was hard to schedule, but most of the time we took turns to dress up.

I had started using the dilipatory cream all over my body, including my legs. This caused a few grumbles and laughs from the guys at basketball to begin with, but that died down after two or three games.

April was not a good month. Jess's father finally passed away. Jess was tied up with the funeral and seeing to her mother's health. We decided that she could stay in the guest room for a couple of months while we sold her house and looked for an apartment nearby. That didn't go down well with Jess's two brothers who thought they would be missing out from any cash proceeds, as the apartments in our area of town were expensive. But when presented with the option that their mother moving in with them quietened them down somewhat. I've never had much time with either of Jess's brothers, always considered them somewhat mean and money grabbing, and their response to the proposal reinforced my opinion of them.

Jess's birthday in mid may came and went. It was the big 'three-five' this year. After a small neighborhood get together at our house, we departed for 18 days in London and Paris for a vacation. We did a lot of sightseeing and the tourist stops. I liked London. It appealed to my sense of history, especially the trips based on the Roman settlements. We did a two day tour to Stonehenge, Salisbury and then upto Bath for the Roman pools.

Although Paris was romantic, I found it also a little grubby and unclean. Dinner at the Eiffel tower restaurant was a highlight, as was the curbside lifestyle at Montmartre. But a lot of the French were just rude. Jess had taken french language at high school, and although very rusty, was able to overhear the rudeness on a number of occasions. We spend a full day at the Louvre and the surrounding gardens, and caught a cancan show at midnight at the Moulin Rouge.
My favorite place was Mont Saint Michel, a tiny castle on a small tidal island in Normandy. We were able to stay the night in the small town Pontorson before crossing back to England the following day.

On our return home, Jess's mother informed us that she had received an offer on her house. It was a very reasonable offer given that the market was hurting from the banking industry collapse. The downside was that the buyers wanted a ten to twelve week settlement, and given the market, there was a risk that they'd pull out.
But we started to look for apartments in our vicinity, or at least within an easy 10 minute commute.

I traveled a lot over the next month catching up on the work I had deferred during our vacation, so that when I did finally get home and had ensured that Jess's mother was not staying with us, I was rather excited to resume our game.

Jess was working late, so I started dinner and headed upstairs to get dressed up for her. On an unknown impulse I had purchased a pair of black seamed pantyhose at the airport gift shop on the flight home. As I put them on I marveled at how well my legs looked and how smooth they felt encased in the nylon. It took me some time to ensure the seams were straight. I put on the black bra and stood in front of the full length mirror in the walk in wardrobe admiring myself.

Gone was the man I was. Apart from the shortish brown hair, I looked like a middle aged woman. Not attractive, but sort of cute. I wondered what I'd look like with longer hair, a touch of makeup and a bit more boob. Probably like my mother I thought, or maybe my sister before she died.

On my way out of the walk in wardrobe I spotted a pair of black high heel shoes. I tried them on. They were a little pinched across the toe but they fit well enough. The heels were about three inches high and I wobbled in them as I walked back and forth across the room. But they did wonderful things to the shape of my calves and forced me to stand up straighter to adjust my center of balance. That change in posture tended to make me straighten my shoulders and push my boobs forward. That made me look even more like a woman. Wearing the heels I put on the pink chemise and went back downstairs to finish dinner. The feeling of the swish of the chemise and the gentle pressure of the pantyhose against my inner thighs as I walked drove my mind to distraction that I didn't register Jess's arrival.

When she saw me all dressed up cooking dinner she squealed in delight and came over to give me a hug. Then she saw the black pantyhose and heels and lets just say dinner was forgotten and I was dessert.

Later that evening in bed I told her about my thoughts about looking like a woman in the mirror, and asked if that was a little weird. She said that I could probably pass as a woman with longer hair and some makeup, but my voice and mannerisms would give me away. And that it wasn't weird, and that she loved me. I thought on that after she had curled up and gone to sleep.

That weekend we went shopping at a mall across town. She bought me several pairs of normal pantyhose and a new bra and panty set with a matching camisole, this time in a pale blue. The bra was heavily padded, and was supposed to add nearly two cup sizes. As my birthday was approaching she suggested I buy myself a beginners makeup kit, mostly with light browns and pinks, and some concealer and foundation. While I was being helped by the shopping clerk, insinuating I was buying makeup for my daughter, Jess disappeared into another area of the store. When we later met again in the food court, she had two extra bags in tow, but wouldn't tell me what they were, just that they were a surprise for my birthday.

Now my birthday was only three weeks away, and every day for the next two weeks I searched the house for those packages. She had hidden them well.

Each night during those two weeks Jess showed me a small tip about makeup, or about female mannerisms like how to sit or use my hands, and I spent about an hour the next day practicing what I had learned. She showed me how to pluck my eyebrows carefully, taking only a few hairs each day, so as not to make the changes pronounced, and how to choose a lipstick or eyeshadow color to accentuate what I was wearing.

I also dressed up each day. Jess had left me an old work skirt, matching jacket and various blouses, along with the black high heels to wear. Although I didn't always have them on when she returned home, i enjoyed the thrill of getting dressed each morning, attending conference calls and working on my programming as a woman. I was also working on my voice as well, trying to raise the pitch a little and speaking softer. On a couple of occasions, I answered the phone or dialed my clients en femme, acting as my secretary.

By the end of the second week I thought I'd try my voice on Jess. I rang her office and was put through to her assistant Karen. I spoke to Karen for about 5 minutes without her realizing it was me.

When I told Jess that night what I'd done, she was amazed. Karen had given her the message that an old college friend Chrissie had called and wanted to know if she could catch up while in town. But she didn't know a Chrissie from college. To prove it was me, I used my femme voice as we conversed over dinner.

The following week I was in New York for work. I was delivering the beta version of the software I had completed to one of my clients. Although I develop the software for a particular clients specifications, I get to keep all intellectual rights, and with my standard contract, I can on-sell it after 12 months. I do this to keep the consulting cost down on the front end, with a chance to reap more on the back-end. This particular project had great potential as a licensed solution for several of my other clients, and the customer response to it so far was extremely positive.

The only downside of the trip was that I found that I was missing my dress-up time. I had quickly become accustomed to wearing a skirt and heels most days for work, hearing the click clack of heels across the wooden floors. Each night I rang Jess to tell her what was going on and to get her news as well. Each call was done in my femme voice as practice. On Wednesday's call Jess informed me that her Mom had decided on one of the apartments she'd looked at. It was close to a recreational center, and was close to shopping and public transportation. There were several other 'older' folks in the community, and in chatting to them had received a good feeling about the place. Jess said they'd put in an offer with the Realtor in the morning and we'd know one way or another by the time I got back on Friday night.

Unfortunately, my flight from LaGuardia was postponed, and then canceled until Saturday morning due to mechanical troubles. At least we were in the terminal and not on the plane when they found the problem. I got back home, slightly frazzled, just after noon on Saturday. Jess's mother's was there, and her offer on the apartment had been accepted. We all went out for dinner that evening to celebrate both the signing of the agreement and my birthday, and we dropped her off at her house on the way home. She had wanted to give us some time together and to start to pack the personal mementos in her house. It was only two weeks until the settlement on her house, and the apartment settlement was only a couple of weeks later.

On Sunday it was my birthday, and Jess presented me with a number of presents. The first present was another bra and panties set, in red, and some pink stockings. It was then I noticed that the panties had garter straps. The second present was a box. Inside was a beautiful pair of red high heel pumps, Manolo Blahniks. They looked expensive and I was afraid to ask how much they were. I remembered that when we watched 'sex in the city' on blu-ray, the girls talked about these shoes - a lot!
In the third present was a new black pencil skirt and jacket, and a lovely red satin blouse. The fourth was a silver clutch purse, with red nail polish and red lipstick in it. The last present was in a big box. When I opened it there was a foam head in it and another package inside. I took out the package and unwrapped it. It was a human hair wig, not long, probably just past shoulder length. It was fairly close to my hair color, with a little more red undertones. It too looked expensive.

I sat in bed amazed. It all looked wonderful. Jess took out the wig and put it on my head. After a little adjusting, she took my hand an led me to the mirror. I was in my pink chemise and black bra and I swear I was looking at an image of my sister, just a little older. I had her eyes and mouth. I'd never noticed that before, but with the wig framing my face in a similar style and color that she wore, the similarities were evident. I started to cry. Not just for Sophie, but also for me. Jess hugged me.

When I asked her how she knew, she handed me a card from her bedside table drawer. It was Sophie's drivers license. She had found it in some of Sophie's stuff that had been put in the guest room and forgotten about. She had been making space for her mom when she found it a couple of months ago, and after our conversation a couple of weeks ago, she decided to put it to use. I looked at it again, again noticing the similarities between what she looked like, and the image in the mirror looking back. She went into the walk in and returned with a small box. It had some photos of Sophie, a few pieces of jewelry and Sophie's purse.

At Jess's urging I got dressed up in all my birthday gear. I carefully did my makeup, and she showed me how to position and fasten the wig using clips. Although I loved the skirt and blouse, the Manolo's were the best. They fit perfectly, and although over four inches of heel, were very comfortable. Over lunch we had several glasses of wine, and Jess painted my nails a stunning red, and then helped me apply the red lipstick as well. We sat and talked for hours. It was after another couple of wines for me, close to six in the evening, that I asked what she wanted for dinner. That's when she laid down the biggest surprise of the day. She had booked a table for two at Kincaid's, and wanted me to go en femme.
It didn't really register at first. The buzz from the wine had calmed me down. In fact I was actually feeling rather buoyant until we were driving up the freeway in the car. That's when the fear set in. I mean, this was the first time I had gone outside en femme, and we were going to a rather exclusive and romantic restaurant. I clutched my purse in my lap, looking for reassurance that I looked ok, that I'd be able to pass.

Jess drove upto the restaurant into the valet lane. She got out quickly, leaving me in the car. Next the door beside me opened and a young man was offering his hand to help me out. All he said was "Can I help you mam?" I smiled politely, whispered "thank you" as I remembered how Jess had shown me how to exit a car, taking his hand for support. I noted that he took a long appreciative look at my legs as I swung them out to the pavement. That made me feel a little less terrified. As I stood up, I straightened my skirt with one hand. As I turned to walk toward Jess, the strap from my purse caught on the door, causing me to stumble and turn a little, and I was lucky the car was there to hold onto. The valet leaned in and unhooked the strap from the door catch, putting his hand on my back as he did so. As I thanked him again, I unconsciously put my hand on his forearm. When I got over to Jess she was smirking from ear to ear.

"What?" I asked.
"Nothing" she replied, with a light chuckle, and she turned toward the maitre'd.

After we were seated in our booth, which thankfully was straight away, I asked Jess again on why she was smirking.

"Well, it looked like you were flirting with him." she responded. "You were very convincing, and he was taking a good long look at your legs as you walked away."
"I was not flirting, I was terrified. I still am" I said, shrinking more into the booth. "He was?" when I registered her last comment.
She laughed again.
"He was. You have very shapely legs, but we need to add to your bum and hips. You have a narrow waist which helps with your figure, but the hips are a little narrow compared to your top. You look like you are borderline anorexic, instead of curvy, like me."
"How do I do that?" I asked.
"Well, you'll need to add a little bit of weight back on, just a couple of pounds, but in the meantime, I'll do some investigating." she replied as the waiter came to take our orders.

Dinner itself was nice. All I had was a chicken Salad, I was so nervous. I kept glancing furtively at the people around us, and after 20 minutes, relaxed a little when I realized that Jess was right. Everyone else was doing their own thing, having conversations and eating their meals. They weren't looking around, except to get the waiters attention. After Jess had finished a coffee, she paid the bill, and we got up to leave. On the way out, she dragged me into the powder room, reminding me that all women refresh their lipstick before leaving. Whilst she went off to the toilet stall, I stood at the mirror, looking around as I fumbled in my purse for the lipstick. The room was very clean and smelled nice, but that was probably because this was a good restaurant. It was certainly nicer than the mens, which always had that cloying disinfectant smell coming from the urinals. I was just finishing my lipstick when another lady walked in. She smiled, said hello and headed for a stall. I waited by the door while Jess touched up her lipstick and fluffed out her hair. She then adjusted her boobs in her bra and straightened her blouse. I had never seen this ritual before and it was fascinating. When she was finished, she smiled at me and winked. We headed outside to get the car. At least we had a different valet, so I was spared that embarrassment.

When we got home we went straight up to the bedroom. The sex was quick, but the cuddling afterward was good. My head was abuzz from the wine, as well as the high from going out en femme. I slept really soundly, and when I awoke, Jess had already left for work. At first I wasn't sure what I was seeing. I hadn't taken the wig off last night, and the extra hair confused me. On the way to the toilet, I noticed I also hadn't removed my makeup either. I looked a real mess.

After a hot shower and a fresh shave, I started to get dressed again. I put on my nude colored bra and panties and a pair of pantyhose. With some careful manipulation, I managed to tuck my penis so that it appeared flat in the panties. I was about to put my 'work' skirt on when I thought I'd check out some of Jess's other clothes. She had a number of pant suits for work that didn't appeal to me. I tried on a pair of her jeans, but I could see now what she meant about needing wider hips and a bigger bottom. Although the calves and thighs were tight, the jeans sat loosely over my bum, whilst the waist was a good fit. I pulled out a couple of skirts and tops but nothing took my fancy. I then found a summer dress, sort of a burnt peach or coral color that she hadn't worn for years. It had a fitted top with a pleated flaring skirt. I had to try it on.

It was good fit, maybe a little loose over the breasts as Jess is a lot bigger there, but it sat nicely around my waist and the flare of the skirt made my hips look more shapely. I reapplied my makeup and put the wig on again. I couldn't see any shoes in a pale color in the walk-in so I slipped my Manolo's on again. Although probably too red for the dress, they were better than the black pumps. I made a note to ask Jess about that. When I'd finished admiring myself in the mirror, I went downstairs and did some work.

Just after lunch, Jess called to tell me she would be late home, and that she had to travel to San Francisco on Thursday. She couldn't say much more on the phone as it was a sensitive matter, and she didn't want anyone to overhear her. That night she told me that her company had made a bid to acquire another investment firm. Her firm had emerged relatively unscathed from the financial meltdown, but had still experienced some issues retaining good people. Whilst her firm didn't offer the large bonuses that many other banking and investment organizations did, they still needed to compete for talent. They did this by way of generous workplace benefits. She had been nominated as part of the acquisition integration team which was a fairly big step up for her. She was excited at the challenge of the task, but worried about the timing. She would be away from Thursday for the weekend and all the following week. She would be back in time to help her Mother move out of her house, but would be away again when she moved into her apartment.

I told her we could cope. I had a two day trip to New York scheduled while she was back here between trips, but I would be here to help her mother move both times.

The next 4 weeks went by really fast. Jess's Mom set herself up in the guest room the day after Jess flew out to San Fran. On that weekend went back to her place to help organize the movers pack everything. The Moving truck was scheduled for the following Tuesday, and settlement on the Thursday. The cleaners arrived late on Wednesday but overall it went to plan. My trip to New York went well. My customer signed off on the Beta implementation and we signed the completion documents. Those came along with a nice check for $50,000. I received permission from them to be able to market the application at a couple of conferences in the new year, providing any implementations were not completed within the first year of their use. I also committed to provide them with new releases of functionality over the next two years free of license charges, with only travel and implementation costs reimbursable.

Jess's Mom's moving into the apartment wasn't so smooth. The telephone company didn't turn up for three days, the movers broke two of her dining room chairs and a mirror and the neighbors across the road had a late night party the second night she was there. It took her the week after settlement to move completely in. Jess arrived back on the Thursday and although she wanted to be with me, I insisted she go be with her mother at least for a few hours. I found out the next day she was so exhausted that she slept the night on the sofa. Her mother said she just nodded off in the middle of the conversation.

That Saturday I took Jess downtown for dinner and a show, and we stayed in a hotel for the night. Sort of a mini vacation. She was able to tell me some things that she was doing at work, mostly the frustrations, but also some of the good things too. Jess was back in town for the next few weeks working on finalizing the acquisition plans, but she'd need to be in San Fran after thanksgiving for a couple of weeks to help with the transition. The acquisition was to be finalized and in effect on December 1st. Unfortunately there were to be layoffs, about 20% in the San Fran organization, and she would be one of two exit interviewers. She said it was already making her feel really shitty about terminating people a month before Christmas.

She asked how I was, and how work was. I told her that I was doing a few small contracts, nothing major. The New York customer was happy, and I'd be able to license it later. I had a couple of other projects in negotiation, but wasn't expecting a lot of movement until the new year, probably until after CES in Vegas. In the meantime, I had been thinking about starting a blog on 'app' influences in business and how they influence our personal habits. I could also have stated the converse of that, but that slant was so overdone by a lot of hacks. The problem I was having was that I'd want it to be under a pseudonym, so as not to be seen as biased to my own work in that space. I'd already drafted over a dozen articles on the topic, and had concepts for over a dozen more. It wouldn't be a money spinner, but the topic awareness would do me good, especially if I got some attention from the government and public sector IT departments. It would also expose my work to the larger Software vendors. Those guys go nuts over blog postings.

With Jess's mom in her own apartment, things fell back into a routine again. I would dress up most days, and was becoming very comfortable in a femme role around the house. I normally cooked and cleaned anyway because I work from home. Jess had me on some pills that would help me realign my fat distribution to the female areas. She told me that the pills had a highly soluble estrogen complex. The normal dose was one a day for woman in menopause, but she suggested I'd need at least two because it would be countering my testosterone. I was a little worried about that, until she showed me the research that estrogen was actually beneficial to men's health, for both improving sex drive and preventing prostate cancer.

While the pills were doing their stuff, she had purchased some silicone hip and bum pads from a place on the internet. The pads stuck to the skin using a light adhesive and were very lifelike in color. They felt a little strange at first, especially when sitting, but they were not uncomfortable and certainly added shape, about an extra three inches around the hips and bum. I was able to start wearing a pair of Jess's jeans and a simple t or peasant top.

While she was away in San Fran, I ventured out grocery shopping en femme. I was wearing Jess's jeans and a loose blouse with the black pumps. Because it was cold I also wore my 'work' jacket for warmth. It was just a quick trip one evening to get some vegetables. I thought it would be busy, but there were very few people in there. That calmed me down a little, but I was still nervous. I wondered around the store, becoming more relaxed. I noticed a couple of people look at me as I went passed them, mostly men. I smiled if they smiled but didn't engage any in conversation. When I got to the checkout I realized my problem. I had barely enough cash, and if I used my credit card they'd want to see id. I checked my purse for more cash, finding a couple of extra dollars and Sophie's drivers license. maybe if I used it as a debit transaction they'd skip the id check. I mean, i knew the pin number didn't I. If they wouldn't do that, I'd have to hope I had enough cash.

I waited patiently in the checkout line while the operator served the lady in front of me. Then it was my turn. She rang up the vegetables and the pantyhose I'd thrown in as I walked around. It came to just over $13. I swiped my credit card and selected debit and entered my pin. As it was authorizing, she said without looking at me and said 'ID please'.
I handed her my sisters drivers license. She looked at it and then handed it back to me with a "thanks". As I was collecting my bag, she said "you need to go get that renewed, it's over a year expired." She smiled and turned to the next person in line.

That night i thought about what had happened. If I could renew Sophie's drivers license, I could also apply for her to have a supplementary credit card on my account.

I went upstairs and found Sophie's box in the dresser drawer. It still had her purse in it. I went through her purse carefully. There was an expired visa card, a couple of store loyalty cards and her social security card. That I put aside. There wasn't anything else in there except an old photo of her kissing a boyfriend I didn't recognize. I pulled the photo out of the purse to look at it closely. It looked like Vegas in the background. Behind the photo was a folded square of paper. I carefully unfolded it and looked at it in disbelief. It was a marriage certificate.

My sister had gotten married in a civil ceremony here in Chicago without telling anyone. She was Sophie Deluane, not Sophie Carling. I looked at the date of the certificate. It was just over a year before she died. I was stunned.

The next day, I contacted the Chicago Cooks County Clerks office. I was posing as a researcher, and inquiring as to whether a marriage and/or an annulment or divorce had been filed for Sophie from the date of the marriage certificate to her death. They came back confirming the marriage, but no annulment or divorce had been filed. I asked if they had a record of her death. Their response surprised me; they had no record of Sophie Deluane's death certificate either. They did however have a death certificate for Steven Deluane, her husband, dated shortly after the marriage. He was of Canadian birth, Toronto, and his last recorded address was in Naperville IL. I wrote down the address for later reference.

Next I contacted a credit agency on the internet. I entered Sophie's married name and social security number. It returned a hit with a lowish credit score in the mid 500's. Reading through the blurbage, I deduced that this was because of lack of history.

Finally I rang the social security administration. I impersonated my sister, giving them my sisters married name and social security number. I told them I had recently misplaced her card, and wanted to know what I needed to do to get a replacement. I had an old original in Sophie's unmarried name, along with a marriage certificate. They told me I'd need to go to a branch office and file an application for a new card, presenting the original card, the marriage certificate and some identification. It would take three to four weeks and i'd get my new card in the mail.

That night I spoke to Jess on the phone. I told her about finding Sophie's marriage certificate. She was as shocked as I had been. She vaguely remembered Steve. Sophie and he had lived together for almost a year, but then she thought he had left to go back to Canada. She had no idea that they'd gotten hitched, nor that he'd died.

Two days later I went down to the DMV. I was wearing my work outfit, with the red blouse and shoes. I had added a string of Jess's pearls, and had replaced my wedding ring with one of Jess's diamond rings. I had carefully prepared my speech about why my drivers license had expired. I needn't have worried. The man at the application desk took the original, checked on the computer for any outstanding traffic tickets, checked the social security number on another database and the marriage certificate, initialing the form as he did so. He then asked me to stand against the wall for a photo, and minutes later I had a new drivers license in my sisters married name with my photo on it. I was now Ms Sophie Deluane, widow.

I then headed across town to the social security office. That wasn't such a quick visit. It took 90 minutes to get to the counter to hand in the application for a replacement card, but again, it was a lot of stamping and initialing and I was done. On the way home I stopped at a Mall and wandered around the shops feeling very pleased with myself. I went to the ATM and got $500 out. I then spent it. I got a new pair of jeans and a peasant blouse, a pair of powder blue slingbacks with open toe that would like good with the jeans, and a pair of knee high boots.

On the way out of the Mall I discovered the Black House White Market store. They were having a 50% off sale on formal dresses, and there in window was a beautiful black dress. It was strapless black satin cocktail gown that simply shimmered. It had a sweetheart neckline embellished with ruffles, boned bodice, and a sash at the hip for shape, and fell to the floor with a slit to just above the knee. I had to try it on. I was in heaven when the size six off the rack fit nearly perfectly. All I needed was a little more boob. The sales lady convinced my to also buy a pair of sheer black stockings with a cuban heel and a garter belt. She said men just love a flash of lace.

I had one more thing to do before heading home. I stopped at a bank just up the road from our house, and opened a checking account in Sophie's name, using our address. I had prepared a check for $500 as the first deposit.

When I got home I put all my new purchases away and hung up my new gown. I hadn't worked out when I'd wear it yet, but I knew it would surprise Jess.

I was making dinner when the doorbell rang. Checking the peephole first, it was the fedex driver. Dave was the usual driver. I opened the door and said hello. Actually, it came out more as a purr that was totally accidental, and that got Dave's attention. I got the image of the guy with bulging eyes and tongue dragging on the ground while he was totally checking me out, and he was married, the dog.

"Have a package for Chris Carling" he said.
"I can take that" I replied. "I'm his secretary, Sophie"
"OK, please sign here please" he said as he passed me his hand-held device to sign, taking another look at my stockinged legs and red heels.
I started to sign it as Chris, but caught myself in time. I clicked clear and then signed it Sophie Deluane.

I passed the device back to him and took the small package. He held out his hand to shake mine, and said "Nice to meet you Sophie", and was gone.

I went back inside and opened the envelope. It was my registration confirmation pass and Final Booth Contract for next months CES conference in Vegas. I reviewed the enclosed floor plans. I was in a perimeter booth by the netbook techzone on the second floor, but overall, the position could have been a lot worse. I made some notes on a pad to contact Microsoft to see if I could get one of their prototypes to test and then showcase my apps. I had a samsung phone for verizon and an apple iphone already. Google had already declined my request, but since they likely to run android I wasn't worried. There was a lot of hype around a new smartphone from Microsoft, likely on a new operating platform that supersedes Microsoft Mobile.

Next I reviewed the booth contract. Standard stuff. All the usual clauses, loss of deposit etc. I signed that and put it aside to fedex tomorrow.

I finished up with dinner and went upstairs and had a shower. I put the clothes washing on and then relaxed on the computer. I hadn't spent a lot of time lately just playing games. I was registered on a couple of MMORPG sites. Some of the work they were doing in real-time game-play fascinated me from a pure programmers perspective, particularly in DirectX and OpenGL. When these were able to be employed natively on a mobile device then the gaming industry would hit another inflexion point. I pondered that for some time, thinking that that could be another of my blog entries, if I ever got around to start it.

Jess returned, happy that the acquisition had gone well, and all of her exit interviews were done. She suspected that they'd lose another 10% of the San Fran office by end of January and that she may then need to hire some of the people released back again. That's pretty much par for the course in these circumstances.

Jess and I were invited to her work Christmas gathering the Wednesday before Christmas, but I had to decline because I was going to be in Redmond, WA to meet with the Microsoft Mobile team. Jess would have to go because she was going to be thanked by the board of directors for her contribution to the acquisition project. It was a very exclusive invite, normally only Vice Presidents and above were invited. The rank and file parties were team based, organized by the division heads. The HR department had had their get together two weeks ago while Jess was in San Fran.

But on Monday, the day before flying to Seattle, I got a call from Microsoft needing to postpone our meeting until after Christmas. Two of their department heads in Mobile technologies and Apps Liaison were unfortunately now unavailable to meet on the scheduled date. She offered me the choice of two alternatives, which was unusual. I locked in the meeting date for Jan 4th. Any later than that would mean I'd not have time to rework my apps for CES if they needed it.

When I told Jess I wasn't going to Seattle, she was jumping for joy. Now I would be able to go with her to the Christmas party. The next day I spent 4 hours trying to rent a tux at short notice. That gives you an idea of the class of the party that her firm puts on. I rang her to tell her that all I could find was a grey tux. I was confused when she said not to worry about it, she had everything sorted out already.

That night she told me what she wanted. She had already told her boss that I wasn't going to be able to make it because of travel. Now that I was available, she wanted me to attend as Sophie. I already had a fabulous gown to wear. Apart from her boss, I had never met anyone else from that level of her company, and was unlikely to again. I'll admit the thought of going out to a formal party in my gown was very tempting, but I was concerned about her boss and told her so. We'd had dinner together several times, so he knew me better than just by sight.

"Don't worry about him" Jess said. "He has his hands full at the moment from what I hear?"
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"I shouldn't be telling you this" she whispered conspiratorially, "but he's been having an affair with one of the secretaries. She's reported it, and although no discrimination charges are currently pending, he is being investigated. If he turns up tomorrow night, and that's a big if, he'll probably be too busy looking for political support elsewhere."
"Ah. And he's knows that you know. Got it."
I thought about it for a few moments.
"Ok, I think I can go as Sophie. Am I Sophie the sister in law or Sophie the husbands secretary?" I asked.
"Hmm, that's up to you, but Sophie the sister in law would be easier to explain."

The party was wonderful, if not a little embarrassing. Jess had bought herself a stunning plum full satin gown with a bolero jacket, with a beaded flower on the fitted bodice. It accentuated her curves to perfection, and made me feel horny on one hand, dowdy on the other. But I loved my gown too. Jess bought me a pair of black strappy high heels, and I wore my black cuban stockings with garters to accentuate my legs. Jess pierced my ears with a needle and put in some 2 carat diamond studs I'd bought her several years back. She wore the diamond danglers I'd got her last Christmas. My ears hurt for about 20 minutes after she rubbed a numbing cream on them, but felt ok after that.

At the party, we mingled. Jess introduced me to her board of directors as her sister in law, in town for awhile. A band played soft music in the background and it was hard to hear all of the conversations. After a light dinner, the CEO presented a number of thanks to employees who had made notable contributions during the year. Jess went up on the small stage and accepted her award when her name was mentioned. After the ceremonies, half of the tables were moved aside and the band started playing again and the bar was opened. Jess and I danced to 3 or 4 songs together, before one of the directors appeared at her shoulder, wanting to discuss something. As we walked off the floor, Jess introduced me to Mr Davar Al Fakeez, head of our offices in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia. Back at his table, he introduced us to another director, Mr Sidney Bronson, and his son, Charles, and his daughter Mimi. I couldn't help it but I chuckled quietly at his name, because he looked nothing like the actor.

After some small talk, Davar and Sidney wanted to have a word with Jess, leaving me with Charles and Mimi.

Charles was a career military man, in his late thirties i was guessing. Mimi was a lot younger, late twenties, and loud. She chatted incessantly about fashion, loved my gown by the way, and about what a no good man her ex husband was for leaving her with two young boys.

She, of course, asked if I was married and had had kids, to which I answered widow and no, no kids. I thought it was best to follow Sophie's story. People are so easy to check up on on the internet these days.

When Mimi was distracted by a new arrival on the other side of the table, Charles asked if I'd like a dance. I accepted, and he walked me to the dance floor. After a couple of rock tunes, a slower ballad started. He took my right hand in his left, put his other hand on my waist. I chose to put my other hand on his upper arm, as I didn't want to appear rude. He was a big man. I felt I was tall in my 4 inch heels, but he was at least another 4 inches taller than me. And big wide shoulders. Didn't suit the mustache though and his hair was starting to recede at the widows peak. While we danced he answered my questions politely. He was an army colonel, based in Washington as a briefer for the joint staff, but he was also active and visited the middle east on occasion. Older than I first guessed at 43, he'd aged well. Married once, divorced for over 15 years, two daughters in college. He liked hunting and sailing and ice hockey. He had served in Desert Storm and again in Afghanistan after 9/11.

He asked what I did. I recapped my cover story of working a little for Chris, but was always looking for opportunities. Sophie has done a journalism course at Columbia College. He asked what Chris did, and I told him. He seemed interested in the technology I (we?) worked with. When he asked if Chris had a blog he could read up on, I told him that I'd been thinking about a blog for sometime, rattling off some of the topics I had in mind. When he said i should write about all that, something in my mind went click. He'd given me the answer for my blog pseudonym. Sophie could be the blog author.

We danced for nearly an hour talking about all sorts of topics. He was a very charming man with a dry but comedic humor, and I felt so at ease that I hadn't realized that over the past half hour he had pulled me in close so that his arm was nearly encircling my waist and my hand was on the back of his neck. I only realized it when the band stopped playing for a break and we were left standing there. I actually blushed as we separated. He led me politely from the dance floor back to the table. Jess still wasn't back from her meeting with Davar and Sidney. Mimi started up on the conversation as if I hadn't been gone at all, but I forced myself to converse with her so that I could ignore the glances Charles was giving me.

About twenty minutes later, Sidney returned with Jess and his wife. Introductions were made again, but Jess indicated that she wanted to leave. As we were saying our goodbyes, Charles came across and kissed both Jess and my hands, saying how much he had enjoyed the evening.

On the way home in the car, she asked if I had had fun tonight. I replied that I had. She needled me for dancing with Charles, but said I did very well, very lady like and becoming. And that it appeared I had an admirer. To change the subject, I asked what the big pow-wow was all about. She told me that her boss, who wasn't there tonight had been asked to resign, and that she was in line for his job. In addition, there was a project next year they wanted her to look at in Riyadh, in Saudi Arabia. Her profile within the company was on a high, and Davar and Sidney had become her unofficial sponsors. It was a big promotion, and there were not many female VP's in the company.

I was pleased for her, although concerned that she'd be suddenly traveling a lot, and to the middle east no less! Having seen how a lot of Muslims in Saudi treat women when I was stationed there, I had good cause to be concerned. Although 20 years had passed since Desert Storm, most Muslims perspectives on women's rights in that part of the world had not changed.

I told her of my idea of having Sophie as my pseudonym for my blog. I'd been thinking about it in the back of my mind since it came to me. Posing as female in a Tech space would be an interesting dynamic, and potentially bring in more readers. I didn't know any female tech writers at all, and most of the men writers were real geeks - hard to read and couldn't relate most topics to a normal person, particularly girls. The men were all about the latest buzzwords and one upping each other.

When we got home, we took turns undressing each other. It had been a while since we'd had sex, in fact over a month now that I look back. As we lay in bed afterward, Jess pointed out that my moobs were a little puffier and the nipples seemed larger. Maybe the pills were working.

Christmas came and went. Jess's family spent a lot of time here, since Jess's Mom's apartment was too small for everyone at once. Jess's brothers gave me a hard time about the studs in my ears and my shaggy haircut. I'd been letting it grow out, particularly the sides and back. It was starting to get long, but not enough to tie it into a ponytail. Jess took the scissors to it to tidy it up but left the sides long.

After new years I went to Seattle to meet with Microsoft. A productive meeting where I found out a lot about their plans for Microsoft Mobile (will be extinct) and their new mobile platform in development. They, however, were more interested in buying one of my apps. I would retain rights for all other mobile platforms, but would sell them the rights for their new platform. Apps on Microsoft Mobile would not be forward portable to their new platform. And the price they were offering was generous, being roughly equivalent to all my income last year. In principle I could accept, but wanted them to draw up the contracts. Oh, and by the way, they wouldn't give me an example of what their new mobile platform looked like, but I did find out the operating system was called Metro.

I went from Seattle straight to Vegas for CES. The extra couple of days gave me time to prepare and set up my booth. The first day of CES was fair traffic. I cultivated a couple of leads. But the booths with the women presenters were drawing a lot more traffic, even when the products were bad. Friday was a little better over the lunch period, as people were milling around more to catch many of the announced products from the first day and I caught a wave from the Microsoft PC tablet which created buzz in the whole netbook area. But by mid afternoon the booth babes were drawing the crowds away to the bigger exhibition stands. Both my neighboring booths had closed by three. I stuck it out for another half hour and then closed up and wandered off to some of the other exhibits. There were not a lot of 'software' vendors here. There were a couple of interesting exhibits though. I really liked the Parrot drone (a helicopter toy controlled by an iphone) and the Zomm keyring phone locator. Of course the big flat-screen 3D televisions were also cool.

I rang Jess to tell her what was going on. She suggested something I had not considered. She asked if I wanted Sophie on the booth to attract the customers. She could overnight a bag with Sophie's clothes to the hotel tonight, and I'd have it by ten in the morning. Of course I said ok!

The bag was actually delivered to my room before nine the next morning. I had already taken a hot shower, shaved and was catching up on the CES highlights on the internet when it was delivered. Jess had come through, and packed my work skirt and jacket, several blouses, lingerie, wig and makeup. The black pumps and my Manolo's were also there. When I opened the other side of the bag I was in for a surprise. She had packed my strappy sandals and her black and silver 'party' minidress, with a hand written note "Have some fun girl".

By eleven I was on the floor as Sophie, wearing the red Manolo's and matching red blouse. Booth traffic was up a lot, and I got several good leads. My New York customer dropped by late afternoon to say hello and invited me and Chris to a cocktail get together that evening. As soon as I could close the booth after 6, I headed to the cocktail party which was being held in one of the meeting rooms at the Venetian. Mr Adams (my client) was pleased to welcome me. I gave my apologies for Chris, making up a story that he'd been invited to two parties and we'd decided to split up. Mr Adams introduced me to a couple of his counterparts in other divisions of the company, and to several of their suppliers and customers - all valuable contacts. I noted that there were only a few other women in the room, and they didn't mingle much.

After the party I went back to my hotel, showered and changed into the minidress. It barely covered my hip pads. I played blackjack in the casino for awhile, and then went into one of the nightclubs for some dancing when it opened at 11.

It got really packed, really quickly. I had a drink, one of the special cocktails in the big glasses that were a house special and was quietly toe tapping by myself on the edge of the dance floor sipping on my drink, probably looking bored, but actually enjoying the music and watching the people around me. Th drink was quite strong, and alcohol has always helped me relax. In ten minutes I had been approached by 3 different men. All were in their 30's or 40's although they could have been any age, the lighting was dim with a lot of strobe effects. There were several girls dancing by themselves, with a large group of men watching them. One of the girls dancing alone came over and said hello and danced with me. She said something about being safer as a pair or group. Her name was Fiona and she was here as a booth babe for Motorola, and pissed out of her brain already. She was in her early 30's, not stunning by most booth babe standards, but cute enough and well endowed up top. In her own words, she just wanted to get laid and was just waiting on Mr Good Enough to take her back to her room and screw her silly for the night.

And by one in the morning she'd found him and was heading for his or her room. I had danced with a couple of his friends while he had been courting her, buying us drinks, and they were hoping for the same thing from me. I wasn't trying to encourage them at all, but they kept buying me drinks. One of them offered me $200 to come to his room. He raised the amount to $500 when I danced with him again. After my fourth or fifth fluffy cocktail, I agreed to leave the club with him and get into the elevators together for $200, but no one was going to anyone elses room. He could tell his friends he got lucky, that I was worth $1000 if he wanted too. I'd never see him again. When he agreed, I took his hand and walked him out to the cheers of his friends. We got to the elevator and he gave me a c-note. When I said the deal was for two of them, he said, 'give me a kiss and I'll give you the other one'. I went to gave him a small peck on the cheek to collect the second c-note, but he wrapped his arms around me, squeezed my bum (getting his hand right in there that i squealed), and grabbed my boob with the other and then tried to stick his tongue down my throat. I stepped back, almost catching him in the junk area, grabbed the c-note, slapped him and then got into the elevator, leaving him standing there rubbing his cheek. He looked bemused, the asshole. As the doors closed, I could see his friends were all laughing as I gagged on the bad taste in my mouth. I would never consider that my first kiss from a man.

I woke up late on Sunday morning with a hangover. Thankfully it was only a half day in the exhibition booth. I went as Chris because i needed to dismantle my equipment from the booth afterward. That night, after dinner in the room, I lost the $200 on the roulette table.

The next couple of months went by without much to say. Sophie was around probably every second or third day, but not all day. For Valentines Day, Jess and I went to a small restaurant nearby, then came home to watch a movie. I had accepted Microsoft's contract for my app, and was given access to their Metro operating system and Windows 7 phones. It didn't take me long to port the apps forward so that they would be able to be available when the phone was officially launched, due sometime in November. I also ported several of my software solutions to the windows phone. There were a few challenges, but nothing insurmountable.

At the end of February, I finally launched Sophie's tech blog. The first couple of posts were not well read. I would be lucky if the second article hit 500 readers. I'd covered the announcements from Apples iPad and Microsoft's Windows 7. All were a couple of days late, but I started to gain some traction in March when I started my business technology invading our homes series. Several of 'male' bloggers called the articles 'fluffy','Liteweight' and 'pandering to the feminine mind', but I didn't care. I mean, that was the whole point - to simplify the concepts so that a normal housewife or office girl would understand. And if the user survey feedback results are to be counted, more than half my readers were men.

While I was working on Sophie's blog, I was also following up on the leads from CES. Several projects were fanciful on the contacts part. No budget, no corporate strategies. But those sessions got me into other doors in the organizations I was dealing with. I had two solid projects worked up as a follow on from my New York customer. Mr Adams was even kind enough to take a reference call, for both the software and for my company.

During this time, Jess was busy adjusting to her new role. Some mean rumors had started after her boss had resigned, and one of her male colleagues in the HR department was not happy he had not been considered for the VP position. He had about a years seniority of service over Jess. He went quiet after a visit from Sidney Bronson. Jess's guess of another 10% leaving the San Fran office was eerily accurate, and her strategies for rehire worked out well. In other companies that had had similar downsizing during the bank and financial meltdown had then been hit by law suits from disgruntled ex-employees. A couple of suits popped up, but Jess and the legal team were able to sort them out very quickly. None went to trial.

In late March, Jess had her first trip to Riyadh. She was gone for two weeks. During her absence, Sophie's blog hit 2000 readers for an article, and had over 50 comments. I'd also set up a facebook page, and had over 100 friend requests in two weeks. Sophie was essentially full-time while Jess was away. I had been putting money into Sophie's account for the past 4 months as a salary, and there was almost 10k in there. I went shopping, a lot. I also went to a salon and had my hair done. It wasn't quite as long as the wig was, but it was a nice cut that I could manage myself, yet I could also style more masculine. The estrogen pills had started their magic since I'd upped the dosage to three a day. My hips were almost a inch wider and I had to replace all my bras. I was comfortably a B cup now, and although my boobs (i could no longer call them moobs) were wide set, they hung femininely. My areoles had also become bigger, by about half an inch in diameter, and some nights there was a small discharge. It was painful as my night chemise would stuck to my nipples when the discharge dried. Other consequences of the pills was that I didn't need to shave as much and my lone testicle was smaller, making it easier and more comfortable to tuck.

Jess arrived back from Riyadh just in time for her fathers memorial early April. She noticed the hairstyle straight away, said it looked nice. After the get together lunch at her Mom's apartment we went out to dinner. Jess seemed preoccupied. She said it was just tiredness, that she was readjusting to the timezones, and that she had a lot of work on her plate. She talked about her time in Riyadh. Davar had shown her around, and they'd gone out to dinner several times. Riyadh was strange, a mixture of western influence on Muslim culture, but that she'd mostly enjoyed it, even when she'd been encouraged to wear the habib when in public. The crux of her assignment there was to help train the Saudi men to develop the womens skills that worked for them. She said all of the managers were men, most of them educated in England so they had been exposed to western womens rights and equality, but were all reluctant to implement the HR policies. Knowing Saudi, that was a tough assignment because of the culture of women being second class citizens.

Sex the next morning was slow and sensual. Jess really got off sucking on my boobs, and rode me for almost half an hour before I exploded inside her. I'd never lasted that long before. She perused and approved my latest clothing purchases, saying that my wardrobe was almost as big as hers, and some of my things she wanted to try on.

Four weeks later, Jess was of to Saudi again, this time for almost a month. We had an early birthday dinner together, and had some of her friends and neighbors over for drinks. The guys gave me a hard time for not being seen on the basketball court much lately, and whats with the ear studs and all the hair? Stan from a couple of houses up the street wanted to know who the cute redhead was I had stashed away. He'd seen her occasionally coming and going. Jess told him it was my sister, who'd been helping me by being my secretary on occasions when I was traveling.

Her last words before heading through security at the airport were confusing. She'd said "I love you Chris. Let Sophie have some fun, but keep her safe ok. I love her too. But Stan and some of the other guys are starting to notice her and that could get awkward for you", and then she kissed me and she was gone.

Work was only keeping me busy for about two days a week, and Sophie's blog maybe another half day with writing and editing. It was enough to keep the bills paid, but I was getting bored of shopping when not being busy. Sophie has plenty of outfits now, both formal and informal, that I had to move her wardrobe to the second spare bedroom. I bought a new queen bed and set it up as Sophie's room. I even slept there most nights, only staying in Jess and my bed when I was Chris. My boobs were still getting bigger, and they were now definitely boobs. Jess had suggested I use a breast pump to stop the nightly discharges. When I first started to pump, not much came out, but it did stop the discharge. By the fourth week of expressing, my boobs were firmer and I was producing over 1 oz each night I pumped. Although part of me thought that it was strange, I found the sucking action of the pump was very sensual and relaxing.

Two weeks after she left (the middle of her trip), Jess rang to tell me Davar had taken her to Jeddah for the weekend, and then onto Ta'if where the Suadi government had gone to when the heat of Riyadh was too much. It was a nice trip for her birthday. They had gone to a rave party at the US consulate compound in Jeddah on Saturday night and she had gotten so drunk she threw up on the way back to the hotel and passed out. Davar had been so disappointed in her. Although I'd seen him drinking champagne at the Christmas party here in the US, he apparently didn't drink alcohol in Saudi. I knew he was only half Saudi, his mother was English I think, and he wasn't Muslim. It was hard for me not to be jealous of him spending time with Jess in such exotic places. I talked about work, or at least the lack of it. I told her I'd set up the spare bedroom and we discussed colors that I was thinking of painting it.

Next I told her that the breast pump was working and that the discharges were under control, but I was concerned about the size of my breasts. They were now getting hard to hide under my male attire, although they were filling out everything for Sophie. Jess informed me that a good guide on how big a girls boobs will be was within 2 sizes of what her mother had been. That was a shock because my mother was a triple D. I knew that because my grandmother used to tell Sophie, who was an early bloomer as a teenager that she'd have triple D's like her mother. Jess suggested I should cut back on the estrogen pills now and buy a minimizer sports bra to help me hide them. She added right at the end of the conversation that she was looking forward to seeing them.

In the last week of May, work became busy again. Two of the prospects I'd been working with agreed to terms. Only problem I had was that one was just outside of DC, the other in Los Angeles in the same time frame. That would mean a lot of travel for a couple of months. But the projects were similar being consumer shopping applications, and both clients were running Oracle systems and applications on the back end. That would allow me to 'co-develop' a lot of the back-end integration, particularly the customer validation logic.

Jess arrived back from her month in Saudi in good spirits, along with a tan. She was able to take a week off work so we took a few days off together for a road trip. We ended up going to see Mt Rushmore and the Black Mountains area in South Dakota. She had a lot of photos for me to look at from Jeddah and Mecca, both places I hadn't been too. Her project was going well. There was still a lot of resistance to change, but with Davar's help and guidance, she was making headway with the managers. Some were now realizing that the female workers were more flexible and harder working than the male ones. Unfortunately, the turnover was higher with the women. Many promising women were forced to stop working by their families, or into arranged marriages which resulted in the same thing. She thought that there would be two more training trips this year, and maybe one in the new year for final appraisals. She was thinking about taking Karen, her previous assistant on the next trip for experience.

As for me, she was amazed at the changes. She told me that I looked and acted like a real women, and she loved my boobs. I needn't have bothered with packing the breast pump because Jess sucked me dry each night. But she did say one thing that disturbed and sort of frightened me. She said that at some stage soon I had a tough choice to make. I wouldn't be able to hide who I was, who I'd become. Even on this road trip, as Chris, a few people had reacted to me as if I was a woman, especially in the restaurants. When I was Sophie, men reacted to me accordingly, and that was going to be something I'd need to cope with. She had noted that I was still blithely unaware of their attention and looks, and that when I did eventually notice them I shouldn't freak out about it. After all, Sophie was a cute single middle aged widow, with no kids, who would be aware and maybe enjoy a mans approaches. All I needed was some experience with them.

Two weeks later, on the Friday night Jess called from work, saying she was going to be busy in a late meeting, and did Sophie want to have dinner in town. Maybe go to a bar or something later. We agreed to meet at her work at seven, and for me to bring in a change of clothes for her as well, something more fun than work pants and a jacket. I choose a pink minidress for myself that I had bought a few months ago in one of my shopping sessions. It was short, about eight inches above the knee, and it allowed me to show off my now considerable boobs. I had purchased a Miraculous push-up bra from victoria secret that made me appear as big as Jess. Obviously I wore my knee high boots, and caped it off with a black work jacket. The look was all leg. For Jess I got her the minidress she had sent me in Vegas and a pair of her strappy heels.

I arrived at her work around 6.30 and waited in her office while she was in her meeting. Karen had already left. As I waited, several men walked past, and asked if I was being looked after. Just after seven Jess returned, with a visitor. It was Charles. I noticed his eyes lit up when he saw me, and he certainly drank in the cleavage and the short skirt. I stood up to shake his hand, but he surprised me by leaning in and kissed me on the cheek, sort of like how the french do it. How could I not blush. He had removed the mustache and looked a lot more handsome. Jess excused herself to go get changed, and Charles and I chatted. He had seen a couple of my blog articles and had enjoyed them. He was not very IT literate, at least not a geek, and found the articles informative. His daughters liked them too, and were impressed that he knew the author. When I asked why he was here, he told me he was in town for the weekend for family business.

Jess came back looking stunning, and asked if Charles could join us for dinner. He politely declined, although he would have really liked too. Having two such stunning women on either arm, even one who was married, was not doing his heart rate any good. After he had said his goodbyes, Jess looked at me with raised eyebrows and a smile on her face. As we walked to the restaurant she said that it was obvious that Charles liked me. Maybe a date was in order?

Dinner was nice. Just a small french restaurant with outside seating. The weather was nice and the temperature was cooling as we finished our desserts. After that we went to Crescendos, a nightclub. It didn't take long for us to have fun. Jess had some guy take some photos of us. Jess said I should try to flirt more, but I felt overloaded. I danced with several guys, as did Jess. One guy, Jacob, who seemed very young to me was very charming and monopolized most my time. On the other hand, Jess was having fun with Carlos and Miguel. On a visit to the powder room, Jess suggested I let Jacob get closer. I had been keeping the personal space barrier up and he was sensing it.

After a few more dances I let Jacob put his arm around me. I found it a strange and uncomfortable, but with Jess's coaxing I tried to relax. It didn't feel like when Charles had put his arm around me when we were dancing. On a second visit to the powder room, Jess said I was doing well. I told her I felt a little uncomfortable, like I was leading Jacob on. Jacob had bought my last three drinks. Her response was that it was supposed to, and not to think about it. I had to think as a woman, and not to think about it being gay. How did she know that was what I was thinking about? Then she said to just follow her lead and have some fun.

We danced together for a couple of songs. When we got back to the table, Jess walked up to Miguel and planted a kiss right on him, tongue and all. I was shocked. When she gave me the nod, I tried but couldn't do the same with Jacob. I did give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek and then squeezed into the booth beside him, letting his arm go around my shoulder. After ten minutes of watching Jess play tongue hockey with Miguel, I let Jacob kiss me. To my surprise I enjoyed it. After a few more kisses, I let him slide his tongue in, and I shivered in enjoyment. In response I moved in closer to him, letting him embrace me. It was completely different to kissing a girl. I just let him do all the work. When he put his hand on the inside of my knee, I tensed, and I pushed it away and said no. Instead he started cupping my left boob which felt nice, and I started to relax again. But then he moved his hand onto the inside of my thigh again, but higher this time, I panicked, I knew it had to stop. That ended the night for me right there.

I got out of the booth and told Jess it was time to go. We said our goodbyes, and I couldn't get out the nightclub fast enough. I felt sick. On the way home I was in tears, near hysterical. I couldn't believe Jess had done that to me, and I had let her. And not to mention that she was kissing another guy, and I was kissing a guy full stop. I felt hurt and betrayed. That night I slept in Sophie's room. It was the first time I could recall that we had slept apart when we were in the house together. The thing that hurt the most was that she had said to me in the car on the way home that it was just a game. I realized that to me, it wasn't, or no longer a game. I had become Sophie, I liked being and wanted to be Sophie. Sometime in the past couple of months, Chris had taken a back seat and Sophie had taken over my life. It was a realization that I wasn't emotionally ready for.

The next morning Jess was very apologetic. When I had explained what had set me off, and how I was not ready to be touched like that, she understood. She was sorry for putting me in that type of position. She thought I was ready for it, that it would be good to experiment, but also didn't expect Jacob to move so fast and forwardly. She was also sorry for her behavior with Miguel. She had thought that if I could see it meant nothing to her, then I'd relax and try it too. She wanted to know how I liked being kissed by a man. When I admitted that it was actually very nice after I did it once, she laughed and said, wait till I kiss a man who makes me melt and weak-kneed in pleasure. Men don't react the same way as women do when it comes to kissing and stroking. I asked her if i had done that for her, she said yes, and I still do that to her, even when I'm kissing her as Sophie.

When I told her of the realization I had come to in the night about being Sophie as more than a game, she was so excited. She was full of questions as to what I was going to do next, but I couldn't tell her because I didn't know what it meant. I would need to take it a day at a time I guessed, and see how people react. That afternoon we made up the best way possible.

As an 'I'm Sorry' gift, Jess bought me a hair removal laser treatment package. I had one session on my face and another on my back later that week. The face session hurt a little and I was a little red for a day. Luckily it was no worse than a mild sunburn, and it faded quickly.

Jess went off to Saudi again a few weeks later for another month. Sophie went to LA for two weeks to work with my customer there. When I went to book the flights, I had been very concerned about airport security. If I'd gone as Chris, my boobs would be hard to explain and they would have questioned my identity. Going as Sophie solved that problem, but my 'junk' may have been an issue with the new full body backscatter scanners. Jess had the solution solved. She ordered a V-sheath from the same place that she'd bought the hip pads from. Basically is was a prosthetic vagina, very lifelike. It had two sheath's, one that you tucked everything into and the vagina fit like a thong with high grade adhesive to keep it in place and the head of the penis became the clitoris, the other sheath was to enable penetration by a finger or a partner. It was actually very comfortable to wear, and totally made me look like a woman. The first night I wore it, the night before Jess went to Saudi, she showed me how nice it felt to masturbate as a woman.

The customer in LA wasn't sure at first when I told them Sophie would be doing the site visit, but they had met Sophie at CES, and when they saw the work being done they were very happy. I got on well with the IT folks there, and they were impressed when they found out I was the author of the Sophie's tech blog. I gained several new friends on facebook after that trip. On the weekend in LA I did tourist things, like shop Rodeo Drive and walk Hollywood Boulevard. The hotel I was staying at had a nice club pool area, and I'd bought myself a cute little bikini for my birthday, so I soaked up some of the Californian sun to work on my tan. I couldn't remember the last time I sunbathed and read a book. It felt good to feel the sun on my back, the smell of suntan lotion, and to just relax.

On the weekend after I got back home I got a private message on Facebook. Charles had befriended me, and wanted to know if he could contact me. I thought about it for a day, and even consulted Jess when she called, and decided to send him my windows live id. I was a little disappointed that it took him another 2 days to im me back. He wanted to know what I was doing in a couple of weeks time because he was going to be back in Chicago, and wanted to know if I would like to have dinner with him. I was very flattered, but I wasn't sure if I wanted to go on a date, just yet. The experience of the nightclub was still raw to me, and I was afraid. But I liked Charles. He seemed to be a gentleman. I vacillated on whether to accept, and ultimately decided to defer the decision. I told him that I'd need to firm up my schedule with the clients before committing to a date (see I even said the word), but that it would be nice to have dinner if I was in town. Maybe I would know by early next week.

The following week came way too fast. I was ready to let Charles know that I would like to have dinner when he was in town, when the DC customer finalized my site visit right on top of his dates. When I contacted him to tell him I couldn't make it, he asked how long I was going to be in DC, and he was further disappointed that I said it was only going to be two weeks. He suggested that if I was going to DC again soon, to let him know. He was based at the pentagon and would like to show me around DC.

Jess arrived back the next night and wanted to know what was happening. I couldn't tell her much, because nothing had changed. I'd had my second facial laser session earlier that day and felt a little tight on the jawline. She told me about her trip. Karen had gone with her and hated the place. The whole culture there had pushed all the wrong buttons for her, and she didn't like the attitudes of the Saudi men. We had to go see Jess's Mom on Saturday, and Jess wanted me to go as Sophie. It was my birthday and she would expect that we would visit. And it would simplify things should her Mom just pop by for a coffee at some point. That was a big step for me, but I agreed that it was something that should be done.

And it was awkward. We told her almost everything. I went dressed in the coral sundress that now accentuated my figure and boobs. Jess's Mom didn't know how to take the news. It was hard for her to reconcile my appearance to who she knew I was. She wanted to know if Jess and I were getting divorced, or what was happening. Jess calmed her down by saying she still loved me, and she loved Sophie. Her mom wanted to know why, and when this change started. All the questions Jess and I had discussed the night before. We told her that she was the first to know, but that she couldn't mention this to anyone else, especially not to the rest of Jess's family. We both wanted her to be comfortable with me as Sophie first.

Later that night, Jess gave me my birthday present. She thought she was pregnant, she'd just missed her second period, and the home pregnancy kit said yes. She would need to go to the doctors and get it confirmed, but she was so excited. We had tried so hard in the first few years of our marriage but with no success. Then she told me that I would need to have a check up soon as well, and that would be an interesting visit. I had stopped the estrogen tablets, but my body was still undergoing changes. My breasts were now small C's, and my areoles were over two inches wide. I was expressing over 3 oz of milk twice a day most days. If I didn't express for two days they became sore and uncomfortable. My penis was still there, and I could get an erection with stimuli, but it was smaller when flaccid than normal and my balls were typically retracted to not be visible anymore. Yep, going to be an interesting visit trying to explain all that!

A couple of days later I went to see Jess's mom again to drop off some papers that Jess wanted her to have. It was still difficult for her, but she invited me in for coffee. And we talked, and talked. I told her how nervous I was in this transition, but that it was something that I needed and wanted to do now. Afterward I took her to the Mall to do some shopping. It helped her to see I was relaxed enough to go out. She had thought that I only dressed up at home. When I dropped her at her apartment she seemed more accepting and comfortable with me.

I flew out to DC the next day. Jess had been to the doctors, and was pregnant. We were both overjoyed, as was Jess's mom when we told her. The nearly two weeks in DC couldn't go quick enough, mostly because I wanted to be with Jess, but also because the project didn't start well. A couple of the business people at the customer were being difficult, one IT person in particular. He didn't like that it was Sophie there doing the work of a consultant, and he did everything he could to slow me down in my interviews for requirements. And he was influencing some of the other business owners. I brought the issue up to my sponsor on Friday evening after having another session postponed, and he said that he'd investigate. I worked over the weekend in the hotel room to try to keep on schedule by anticipating requirements in my documentation. It worked twofold, first I was able to start my documentation and progress report, and second, it gave me a list of questions to validate with the business owners. One of the issues the particular IT person had with my approach was that he'd expected me to have such a list of questions, and I preferred a more open approach because predefined questions are related to predefined notions of a solution. Sort of a negative validation. But I hoped it would get me back on track.

On Wednesday, the IT guy was given an ultimatum by my sponsor, either get on board with me on the project because he approved of my approach, or assign someone else to it who will. I could tell immediately he didn't take it well. He obviously did not want to work with me, but leaving the project would alienate him in participating on future projects. I was sensitive to the situation and didn't push the issue the next couple of days even though I was behind on my project plan. I planned on catching up via conference calls over the next couple of weeks and I suspected that on my next trip out to DC there would be someone else in his place. I was happy to get home late Friday, although I've never liked traveling through Dulles airport.

Jess had originally planned on her last trip to Saudi being in another six weeks, but given the pregnancy, we thought it was more prudent to see if she could bring it forward a couple of weeks so that she would not be starting her third trimester there. It was going to be bad enough in the heat there as it was, and the morning sickness had kicked in. Jess's mother was a regular visitor over the next four weeks, and now seemed more comfortable around me. I had to go back to LA for a couple of days in the third week to present the first pass of my design approach for their project, and I had scheduled another two weeks in DC a few days after Jess was leaving for Saudi.

On Tuesday before she left for Saudi, Jess had to go back to her doctor. She was suffering nasty headaches and some dizziness and mild nausea, and wanted to ensure everything with the baby was alright. The doctor did the normal tests and said she didn't see anything glaringly wrong. Her blood pressure was a little funny at 135/80 and the nausea could be secondary morning sickness. The doctor gave her a prescription for some anxiety medication and mild painkillers for the headaches, nothing that would affect the baby. The next morning Jess felt better. I drove Jess with her mother to the airport on Thursday night to see her off. On the way home, Jess's mom said something special to me. She said Jess was lucky to have married someone like me, and that the baby was going to be lucky to have two moms like us.

I was just finishing up my latest blog entry on Friday when I got an IM from Charles. In all of the excitement with Jess and the pregnancy I hadn't chatted with him for over a month. I told him I was in DC for two weeks from Sunday and would love dinner one night. He said he'd go at least one better. How about a night at the Opera. He had four tickets for next Friday night, and his daughters were joining him. We chatted about small stuff for another half hour or so, before my phone rang and I had to say bye.

It turned out to be a wrong number.

I packed an extra bag for the trip. I couldn't decide which gown to wear to the opera; the black one or the plum one Jess had worn to the Christmas party. Obviously that meant an extra two pairs of shoes and lingerie. In addition I packed the black and silver minidress, and a new summer dress for shopping.

When I got to the clients place on Monday morning, I was surprised that the IT guy that caused all the issues from the last trip was still on the project. What surprised me more was the change in attitude. He was being nice, and also contributing ideas to the project. When I approached him after a very constructive but late meeting on Tuesday evening, he said he'd read my report from the last trip, and could see what i'd done, and that it was good work. He hadn't expected that. He had also found out about my blog, and thought it was also well presented and researched.
During a break early Wednesday afternoon I IM'd Charles with my hotel details, and to ask what time on Friday we were going to the opera. He confirmed the time as a 6.30 pickup from the hotel on Friday, but wanted to know what I was doing tonight. Could he take me to dinner as promised? I was almost finished for the day and said I'd be ready at 7.00, was it formal or casual? He told me to dress it up, he wanted to go somewhere special.

I finished up and got back to the hotel. I bathed and shaved my legs and pits. After I'd patted myself down I glued my V-sheath in place, ensuring the edges were not wrinkled. As I lay on the bed practically naked, waiting for the adhesive to set, I decided that I'd wear the black dress tonight and save the plum one for the opera. I put my new black strapless corset on. I was now a full C cup, and with the push up shaping, my breasts looked massive. The boning of the corset narrowed my waist and flared over my hips, producing a hourglass figure. I put on the stockings and then my new Jimmy Choo pumps. They had a 5 inch heel.

I brushed out my hair and then put it up. This was a style that I was getting to enjoy. After makeup, I put in Jess's dangling diamond earrings. Finally I stepped into the dress. My boobs now barely contained in the bodice were proudly displayed. It was almost seven. I touched up my lipstick, dabbed a little perfume, packed my purse and headed to the reception area downstairs. As I exited the elevator, he must have just arrived because he was asking the desk clerk to page me. When he turned and saw me, I could see him do a silent whistle. He came over and kissed me on each cheek, and told me I looked gorgeous. He was wearing his military dress uniform and looked very dashing. We walked outside, and there was a white limo waiting. Once we were inside, he offered me a red rose as the driver took us to the restaurant.

It was the Lafayette at the Hays-Adams Hotel. We had a table that allowed us to overlook the White House. After dinner we walked down 17th St toward the Washington Monument. As we walked he told me about the buildings, and their history. At some point he had taken my hand. We crossed over Constitution Ave and entered the park to see the tall obelisk. And that's when he first kissed me. He was gentle, and I opened my mouth invitingly, allowing him to move his tongue in. His arms encircled me, and my hands went up over his to the back of his neck. He pulled me against him as the kiss became deeper, and I could feel the pressure of his embrace as my boobs squished against his chest. And then it was over. I looked up into his face wondering why he'd stopped, then I heard the voices behind me where he was looking. Two other couples were walking along the path toward us. We let them pass us and we walked toward the war memorial and looked across the empty reflecting pool toward the Lincoln memorial, and then back the other direction to the Washington monument. For some reason I thought of the Dan Brown novel and giggled. He lifted my chin and kissed me again. I could feel the ardor in his embrace as my hips molded against his, but also that he was restraining himself. After a couple of minutes of more kissing he walked us toward the parking area just off Independence Ave where the limo was waiting. We drove past the Watergate Hotel and Foggy Bottom up into Georgetown, then across to Dupont circle and back to my Hotel. Now I became apprehensive. I didn't know what to do. I had enjoyed the kissing in the park and in the limo, but I couldn't take him up to my room. It would give him the wrong signals and go somewhere I didn't want to go. Luckily for me he was a gentleman and excused himself at the elevator. I gave him another kiss, and said goodnight.

When I got to my room, I felt heady. My heart was beating and my chest was heaving as I took in big gulps of air. In my mind it had been the perfect first date and I wanted to tell Jess about it. That's when the guilt pangs hit me. I was married to Jess, but had been on a romantic date with Charles, and hadn't thought of her once during the evening. She didn't answer when I called so I left a voice message, feeling like I'd betrayed her.

When I awoke the next morning I still felt bad. I used the breast pump to express myself. The constant sucking action always makes me feel good, and I was up to 6 oz within ten minutes as I'd skipped it the night before. Breakfast arrived, and as I was finishing eating, Jess called. I told her about my date with Charles, the places he'd taken me. I asked for her forgiveness for not telling her before I'd gone out. She told me not to be so silly. Sophie needed a life too. She asked if I was going to see Charles again and I told her we were going to the opera on Friday night with his daughters. I asked how she was feeling with the pregnancy in the heat, and had she had anymore headaches. She told me it wasn't too uncomfortable yet, but she was staying in the offices or at the hotel where there was air-conditioning. She'd had a headache on the plane, but nothing since.

I finished work Friday at 3 o'clock. One of the ladies working on the project asked what my hurry was, and when I told her I had a date at the opera, she helped me pack up my gear. That gave me plenty of time to get back to the hotel and get ready. I was torn on whether to wear the jimmy choo's or my strappy heels. The strappy heels won the at the last moment. Charles arrived at the hotel, again in a limo. He got out and gave me a kiss then helped me into the limo. His daughters were already in there. Charles introduced Madison and Juliet. They were very pretty young ladies, with more than a touch of Asian in their features. Later I found out that their mother was half japanese.

Madison was the oldest, at 23, and had just moved to DC to do post-grad international studies at Georgetown. She had done Law at Layola in Chicago. Juliet at 20 was still at Layola studying nursing. She was a proud Delta Phi Lambda, following her mothers legacy there. The Opera was wonderful. It was a stunning performance of 'the Phantom of the Opera' and I enjoyed all of it. During the second intermission, Juliet was asking me a lot of questions about what I did. She seemed very protective of her father. Madison on the other hand was more accepting, complimented me on my gown, and told me that she could see what all the fuss was about. When I asked her what that meant, she told me that her aunt Mimi had told her that Charles was smitten from the first moment he saw me, which for her father, was very out of character. They talked about their lives and their studies. Madison had a 'sometimes' boyfriend, but was happy to play the field. Juliet had found her Romeo (actually a David), and wanted to marry him, but her father had told her that the engagement would have to wait until after her graduation. Charles had married their mother, Anna, while they were both young (she was only 19, he was just 21) before he was shipped off to Desert Storm. Although they'd had two wonderful children, he wished that they'd waited a few years before getting married. Neither of them knew who they were and what they wanted from life. And it turned out that it wasn't each other. Three years after the divorce, Anna married an accountant, and now lived north of San Francisco.

Later during after show drinks and hors d'ouvres, I asked Madison why Charles hadn't remarried. Fifteen years was a long time to remain a bachelor, even with an army career. She said that was something to discuss with her father, but that over the years, he'd had a number of different partners, but career army was more important to him. That's when it clicked into place for me. Charles was in the closet, or at most, bisexual. While the realization surprised me, I found it didn't change my friendship toward him. If it had, I'd have called myself a hypocrite. But then I wondered whether he'd clicked onto me, and that was why he was attracted to me.

When he dropped me off at the hotel, we kissed again. It was still lovely, and I didn't care if he was or wasn't, did or didn't. He wanted to have dinner again next week, something a little less formal. I gave him my phone number so that he could call me. He called on Wednesday to see if I could do dinner Thursday. He apologized for not calling earlier, but he'd been out of town and hadn't been able to finalise his schedule. In the background I could hear a jet engine taking off. Thursday night worked for me, as I had all but finished at my client. I was just editing my presentations and project plan for the next steps and had the review meeting scheduled Thursday morning. If they accepted my findings, and agreed with the project time-frames, I'd be done by early afternoon and my flight wasn't until Friday mid day.

I was waiting in the hotel lobby when he turned up in his car, a red Porsche boxster. I was wearing jeans and a tight top, nice enough to go clubbing or to a restaurant. We drove east into Maryland and down to a bar in Annapolis called the Boatyard. He was obviously a regular here because he was greeted by several patrons and the lady behind the bar, Tammy. He told me he had been coming here for maybe a dozen years, as it was a favorite spot after going sailing. After a nice dinner of delicious crab cakes and watching the sunset, we drove back to DC. We went to a club called Heaven and Hell. Upstairs they were playing 80's music. We danced until almost midnight and I was feeling quite tipsy after half a dozen drinks. Back at the hotel, he escorted me to my room. We stood outside the door, and I leaned in to kiss him goodnight. That night I slept well.

The next two weeks were hectic. I worked hard to get ahead on my projects so that I could spend some time with Jess after her arrival home. When I picked Jess up from the airport, she had a real baby bump, but she was glowing. She was relieved that she had completed the Saudi assignment, and could now relax a little before taking maternity leave. She would probably need to do a refresher training course back in Saudi in about a year.

When she began her third trimester, she had another doctor examine her, the one that would be involved in the delivery. I went along for support. His name was Robby and he seemed very nice and was very thorough. He noted her medication for anxiety and asked if she'd had any more symptoms. She'd had two bad headaches whilst in Saudi. He asked her to describe any other issues. She couldn't think of any. He listed some conditions. Jess indicated she'd had a couple of bouts of backache and stomach cramps, dizziness that she thought was normal in pregnancy or because she was tired. I mentioned that she's had a blood nose about a week ago. We'd put it aside because we'd both been to an aerobics class, and Jess was a little out of shape and breathing heavily. Not all the weight she'd put on recently was baby weight. He made a lot of notes, then turned to Jess and said he wanted to do some extra tests. He wanted to do some blood work on Jess and Chris and take some amniotic fluid for the baby, along with some blood pressure, EKG and some ultrasound tests on Jess. He left the room for a few minutes and came back with a nurse. She started by taking Jess's blood pressure, and then took out a syringe to take some blood. Meanwhile, Robby was telling us what he was testing for. When the nurse finished taking Jess's blood, I took off my jacket so that she could take mine. Robby and the nurse, Angie, looked at me strangely.

"You said you wanted my blood as well" I said to Robby.
He replied "I said I needed Jess and her husband Chris's blood so we can cross match to the baby".
"I am her husband, I'm Chris".
"But you said you were Sophie" he said confused.
"I go by Sophie now, looking like this".

They both just looked at me in astonishment, and only believed me when Jess nodded her affirmative when they looked at her. After the nurse had left with our blood samples, Robby sat me down and did a cursory examination. I told him he was the first doctor I'd spoken to as Sophie. He asked me a few questions, which I answered honestly, and then he suggested I make an appointment with him early next week. He was amazed at my body development and wanted to run a few tests.

But back to Jess. He was concerned about a number of things. It could be nothing, but it could also be symptomatic of something very serious and potentially life threatening. He provided referrals to a medical center for the EKG and ultrasound, then told Jess that she needed to come to this clinic or to an emergency clinic for blood pressure tests the next time she felt faint, had a blood nose or a severe headache. And that she would need two blood pressure tests about thirty minutes apart. Lastly, he told her that she needed to inspect her urine. If it contained blood, to get to the clinic with a sample if possible.

We managed to get Jess into her tests on Monday. My appointment with Robby had to slip to late in the week as I needed to go to LA for an overnighter to present the prototype of their solution. The programming and essentially complete, along with the back-end integration, but I wanted to step through the user interfaces one more time. When I completed my presentation, I then proposed a couple of suggestions beyond what their agreed requirements had asked for. I was ahead of schedule and budget, and wanted to give them right of refusal to revise the contract to include the enhancements I suggested. We came to terms on two out of the three changes I presented.

My appointment with Robby went well. I felt exposed, which I was literally. Although he was a doctor, he was the first man to see me basically naked as Sophie, even though I was wearing a hospital type gown. He examined my breasts, surprised that they were expressing, and then examined my penis and scrotum. He also did an anal exam (very uncomfortable). Then he wheeled in an ultrasound and performed an examination in the area above the groin. What he discovered surprised me more than him. To simplify it, I had an ovary and fallopian tube attached to what would he expected, be a non-functional uterus. The reason why I only had one testicle and a small scrotum was that the other gonad hadn't descended when I was a fetus and had remained intra-abdominal and become an ovary. Because my body had both an estrogen and testosterone producer, that would be one reason for my erectile dysfunction. My body had constantly balanced the hormones, but it was also predisposed to reacting to the excess estrogen from the pills, the same way as a teenage girl would suddenly develop. he would need a lot more tests over time, but was concerned that if the ovary started to ovulate and the uterus was in any form viable, I could be in trouble. As I had no vaginal opening, my body could not menstruate and I'd need surgery. He suggested that given my decision to be Sophie, that i should consider vaginoplasty.

On the following Monday both Jess and I were asked to come in to see Dr Robby as soon as possible to discuss our results. He apologized to both of us before hand, but there was no easy way to say this. I was not the father. Both Jess and I had blood type A, the baby was AB. Jess was adamant that there was some sort of mistake, she'd never been unfaithful. Robby gave us the dates that he had estimated conception had occurred. Working back through the calendar, it was when she was in Saudi, particularly the trip to Jeddah and Mecca. Then she remembered passing out at the embassy party and waking in her hotel room.

That night Jess rang Davar. He had been with her on that trip, but she couldn't believe that he could would have taken advantage of an unconscious woman and employee in a sexual manner. It was not a comfortable conversation, but Davar related what he knew. He was not the one who had violated her, but he knew who had. During the party, Jess had meet an Australian soldier called Chris who, Jess had told him looked just like her husband. When Jess had thrown up and then passed out, Davar had put her on one of the beds upstairs and had then gone down to security to organize a car and escort back to the hotel. He was gone for 10 maybe 15 minutes. When he returned, he found Chris in the bedroom, with Jess over the edge of the bed, skirt hiked up, and he was pumping away from behind while Jess called to her 'husband' for more. Although he was embarrassed, he got Jess back to the hotel. When Jess hadn't remembered anything the next morning, he decided that he shouldn't bring it up.

Needless to say we were both shocked. I had been feeling very hurt, thinking Jess had cuckolded me, but I realized that it was never her fault. She didn't know what to do. Suddenly she didn't want the baby anymore, but it was too late to abort. She'd have to carry it to term, and we would then decide.

Two weeks later, Jess had returned to being herself. We both had agreed that although not biologically mine, we both wanted the baby. Jess was starting to get very heavy. The headaches and nausea returned several times, and she was suddenly very tired all the time. Each time we went to the clinic for tests, each time the first blood pressure reading was high, but returned within normal limits by the second test. Each time the doctors asked if her urine was normal or cloudy, or if it contained any blood.

I had one last visit to LA to complete the commissioning of my project there, and then flew across country to Washington to present my prototype there. It was a only a short visit, but I called Charles to see if he'd like to have dinner, but his recorded voice message said he was out of town.

We were now into the last six to eight weeks of Jess's pregnancy, and she was now on maternity leave. Her mother was almost a daily visitor, as were many of the neighbors wives. To keep my cover, we'd told everyone that Chris was on assignment, and that Sophie was here to look after her. Thanksgiving came and went and Christmas was approaching fast.

The week before Christmas, I went to DC to install the software and run the beta tests. I had combined the tasks so that I would be able to spend Christmas with Jess, and not have to worry about being back in time for the babies birth. This time Charles returned my call, and yes wanted to have dinner. We went out to a nice little restaurant that night and had a good time with several glasses of wine. That night I asked him why he never remarried. He was surprised I'd asked, but had also been expecting it. I told him of the short conversation I'd had with Madison months ago, and asked him if he was gay. He admitted he was bisexual. I assured him it didn't worry me if he was, that we all had our little secrets. Besides, I liked him. He walked me back to my hotel room and I invited him in for coffee.

Once inside the room I kissed him hard. He responded immediately and I let him kiss me deeply and discovered what it was like to melt in a mans arms. We barely reached the sofa where I lay on top of him as we kissed. I was in heaven when he had his hand on my breasts, gentle rolling the engorged nipples between his fingers and when he took one into his mouth I shivered in ecstasy. I put my hand on his crotch and pulled the fly down on his trousers, and reached in and massaged his cock. It was huge, way bigger than mine had ever been. Pulling it out, I looked at it in amazement, and without conscious thought, leaned down to kiss it. It tasted slightly salty and smelled musty. As I kissed it a second time he pushed it a little into my mouth. I opened wider and let the head move over my tongue and then I closed my mouth over his shaft and applied some pressure. He cooed. I started to move the head on and around my tongue, and the shaft in and out over my lips. On about the twentieth stroke he came, deep into my throat. Several spasms later I had swallowed it all and then continued sucking it off him.

That night i couldn't get to sleep. I had crossed a threshold and I wasn't sure about where it would lead and I was afraid. The next time I saw Charles, if I saw him again, would I be able to stop at just a blow job, or would he expect more. And I hadn't found it abhorrent, in fact, being truthful to myself, I had really enjoyed it and I could see myself doing it again. He rang me the next morning, asking if we could do dinner again that night. I declined, saying I'd had some issues at work that needed fixing, and that I needed to understand how I felt before going on another date. As it turned out, he was busy the following night, so I didn't get to see him again before i left for home.

Christmas was a tense time. We could no longer hide the fact that Chris was not around, so I came out so to speak, to family and the neighbors. Jess's family were shocked, and didn't speak to either of us, and were not understanding when Jess's mother stood beside me. I got a number of strange looks from the neighbors, and they remained friendly but distant. I spent between Christmas and New Years doing work around the house getting it ready for the baby.

Sophie attended CES in January again, and picked up three new sales accounts of the software that I'd developed for the New York customer. A week after CES, my customer in DC went live successfully. I had dinner with Charles to celebrate, and we had an enjoyable evening together, but he could tell I was distracted about something. I had told him that Jess was having problems with her pregnancy, and that I was concerned.

Jess's due date rapidly arrived. The birth was traumatic, and ultimately fatal. Jess started to have problems soon after her water broke and her dilation was slow coming. The doctors were in the difficult position on having to decide between natural birth or performing a Ceasarian. Jess's blood pressure then went off the charts and she started having seizures. The doctors were giving her magnesium sulfate to treat eclampsia, along with lots of fluids and sodium amobarbital and lots of other medications i didn't catch.

Christine Jessica Carling was born at 4.34 pm on February 13. Her mother, my wife Jessica, died 22 hours later from postpartum hemorrhaging that was complicated by eclampsia. In her last few hours, she was able to hold her daughter and kiss her goodbye before the last seizure put her into a coma. The loss of blood and the seizures she suffered were ultimately too much for her.

Christine was released from the hospital to come home with me the day after Jess's funeral. I discovered that I have a strong maternal bond with our daughter, and was able to breastfeed her without difficulty. I mourn Jess's passing, and have vowed to make sure my daughter knows who her mother was. She gave me life's truest gifts, love, a daughter, and taught me to be who I am.

And one of them started as a game.

Epilogue
Just over a year has passed since Jess's death. I've changed my name legally to Sophie Carling. Jess's mother has moved into the guest bedroom, and her apartment is on the market. She helps with Christine while I restart my business. I had put it on hiatus for the year, although my apps still bring in enough income to cover the bills. Most people have been supportive of me, although Jess's brothers stay away. They did come for the memorial, but didn't stay afterward.

Charles contacted me a few weeks after the funeral. He had heard of Jess's passing via his father at the firm. It was a huge shock to everyone there. I told him the truth about me, and was sorry that I had deceived him. When he comes to Chicago, he always comes to visit us, and I've recently been on two dates with him. I'm not sure where that will lead to, but he is a very close friend.

Davar had followed up on a small favor for me. He had discovered the identity and whereabouts of Chris, the Australian who had raped my wife, and had dropped a tip to the authorities. He was currently being held in Jeddah prison for raping several young unmarried girls. I actually pity him. The Muslim punishment for rape is beheading, and I hope the Australian government doesn't intervene.

Lastly, I'm in line for sex reassignment surgery, with a Canadian doctor that Dr Robby referred me to. It will be a final step in becoming the person I want to be, the person Jess help me discover, and one of the persons she loved and who loved her back.