Well, today I have to deal with the insurance company, and to say I'm not looking forward to it is an understatement. This is like going to the principal's office as a kid, only a thousand times worse, because if I walk out of there without coverage I will lose my job, hurt my family, and generally make my life suck for the foreseeable future.

I'm scared, which always brings out the PTSD, so I'm having the shakes so bad its hard to even type.

My brothers and sister in the faith would tell me God will be with me in my circumstances, but I'm not sure how that will help because a: it feels like he isnt even in the same galaxy as me, and b: even if he was close, it wouldnt make the horribleness go away or even reduce its impact.

The one thing I've learned in this is that I absolutely suck at being a grown-up. Both in terms of taking my lumps for what I did wrong, and in terms of taking care of my responsibilities so this stuff doesnt happen in the first place.

When I started this transition, I hoped this would be an area I would see improvement in, because with the gender stuff off my plate I could maybe actually focus on other parts of my life that needed work, but no such luck.

Dorothy is as much a flop at them as Todd was.

Ah, well. Life sucks, and then you die, and death sucks worse.