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This is basically more of an explanation than a rant.
I have shut down. I barely read (that is when I know I am really down), I don't write or do electronics. I do my electronics forum moderation duties, but that is a duty, not just pleasure.
I have contacted a therapist, I have an appointment. I hope to God this goes somewhere, I'm not sure how much more I can take of being down. The urge to do something unpleasant has been very strong, but I have grown kids, and I will not do that to them. I keep telling myself that over and over, it is the little angle on my shoulder while the demon wants to drag my soul to hell.
I keep starting to read stories, then loose interest. This is not me.
I really meant to write, but that isn't happening either.
There are a lot of people here I consider friends. I will be OK, given time and help I'll pull out of it as I have in the past. If I offend, it is not on purpose, and I apologize.
Thanks for reading.
Comments
You have
My well wishes and I hope things get better. I know how it can feel when things drag you down. I shall send Hugs and good thoughts your way.
*Hugs*
Bekah
PS
Im a firm believer in hugs being a miracle cure.
Good days and Bad days
I make no secret that I'm one of those here who have problems with depression. It's tough and it's a challenge every damn day. Yes, drugs can help, and when you're sinking fast any help is a godsend. I've been off medication for nearly five years mostly because my weird body reacts strangely to the stuff. Make me drowsy? I'm bouncing off the walls, or knocks me right out. I was told flat out if I didn't take medication there was nothing they (The VA) could do for me, bye.
My advice is to follow what you're doing now. Seek help, and avoid being an hermit. Walks and sunlight are natural anti-depressants and yes they do help. Keep trying to do those things you enjoy. If you lose interest just do something else and go back to it later. Don't beat yourself up about stuff. Like a ship becalmed it's hell while it last, but it will come to an end. Don't let the bad days effect the good days yet to come. :)
Big, BIG HUGS!
Grover
Friendly, listening ears
There's little you can "say" that many here haven't thought. Few would be offended, I think.
I've written the odd blog entry with similar content, and you're taking the proper steps. Finding a non-judgemental ear is an excellent move. I also found that a *properly prescribed* anti-depressant can take a lot of emotional pressure off and give you time to deal with any underlying issues.
PM if you feel the need.
Nicole (a.k.a. Itinerant)
--
Veni, Vidi, Velcro:
I came, I saw, I stuck around.
The Depression
We are here for you
May Your Light Forever Shine
There's nothing I can add...
Just know that we all care about you.
I know when I get that deep that everything just feels like empty platitudes, and I'm sure it's similar for you, but still, there are people who care.
I'm glad you're getting help... I usually don't even recognize the symptoms and it takes someone else forcing me to wake up.
Abigail Drew.
All I can say is this
"Do not go quietly into that dark Night. Rage! Rage against the dieing of the Light."
Peace be with you and Blessed be
I know only to well from own
I know only to well from own personal experience of Depression what you are going through. Just know that we here care about you.
hugs, sweetie
I hope the counseling helps, and try to remember you got friends here, if you need to talk.
Thank you.
What I meant about the offense, when I get like this I don't always pay attention to what I am saying. Stuff that sounded perfectly fine in my head have a different take when they come out my mouth or fingertips.
There are several story lines I want to keep up with, but simply haven't been able to muster the interest. It is not the stories, but in me.
Weekends are the worst, which is strange, given how much I currently loath my job. I won't complain, I have a good job, many people don't. I am lucky, and know it. I don't blame my supervisor either, she is being dumped on by those above, and is living the tradition. There is one person on the top that if he ate something unpleasant and died I would not miss in the slightest.
But I digress. I need to do something, but I can't right now. Given time I'll work something out, so that will be my goal. I'm talking about transitioning, in case it isn't obvious. I'm not so sure it will be a good solution, just trading one set of problems for another, but everyone keeps telling me it will help. Given how many people have the same basic issues I do I have to assume they are correct.
So, I guess the first issue is to loose some serious weight. I am a stress eater, so this is not gonna be easy either. Now and then I'm going to whine a bit here, since there isn't anywhere I can take it in real life (yet).
We are here for you to vent.
We are here for you to vent. So please if that is what you need to do do it. I am looking forward to the day I can transition, but I no longer get depressed over it, I guess once I admitted my gender issues to myself, it is no longer an issue. I am Lesley on the inside and I hope one day to be that on the outside. Do what is right for you when the time is right you will know it.
Vent and whinge all you want.
If it helps you, do it. Rant even, if you have to. The main thing is you're doing something about it when some of us where really worried.
Glad to see you're looking seriously at solutions, it's always a bummer when there are things you cant do much about but which affect you.
PS. This may not be helpful but I find that cycling helps with stress and weight problems. If you can find a safe place to start you never know what results there might be for you, provided you don't have any underlying problems.
When I'm out alone on my bike I shout at the sky and curse the wind and rain, but it helps.
Hang on in there,
Bev.
XZXX
I Am Still Asking You
To make a pledge, even to me: not to kill yourself, nor do you any harm. I will be responsible for you and do what is necessary for that result. Better for you, though, to make this pledge to one or more of your friends.
"Don't let the bastard win!" -- MASH character, Hawkeye Pierce refering to Death.
I'm safe enough.
The appointment is Thursday. I have some very good reasons to not go there, my kids lost one parent that way, I don't intend to be number 2.
I tried for GT, but after a swap of several emails she moved me over to a colleague. As for "The bastard", he always gets his due in the end. He's gotten the rest of my family, Mom, Dad, brother, all of my numerous Aunts and Uncles. Just me and the grown kids now, and too many cousins to count, very few I know any more.
Like it or not, you guys are my family now. :) The boy knows me, but I suspect his sisters are not going to handle it too well. Good enough, they have their own lives now.
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