For me, my transition was the hardest on the planet. At least it felt that way to me because I valued my family above everything else, and I felt extremely guilty for inexplicable feelings that I could not put away, and it was the stubborn support of a few friends like Cathy and Holly that helped me to survive. I was on very strong drugs for about 4 years, and found out what the back of a police car and hand cuffs feel like. From 2003 to 2008 were the darkest of years.

After that, things began to slowly turn around and 2011 and this year so far have been the best years of my entire life. Now I am able to reach out and try to make the lives of others better if I can.

Still, I got a real surprise the other day. I was taking a man to a church activity called a Fire Side, who is not well liked by women in our church. He has had three brain tumors removed, and been in an auto accident that left him partially paralyzed, leaving him with some challenges.

That night, I was blithely thinking that I was quite well recovered and felt quite normal. So, we were driving right through downtown Portland, and he brought up a subject that felt traumatizing to me, and the fact that I had to focus on driving left me with a terminal mental deficit. In other words I disassociated while driving in very congested traffic. I did not even know where I was, it could have been downtown Cleveland for all I knew. This was extremely dangerous. Fortunately I had the presence of mind to just pull over into a truck loading zone, tell him that we could not talk about that subject, do some deep breathing, and then try to figure out where we were.

Well, I did figure it out, and managed to get the lid back on the pot, and we went on to complete the evenings activities.

So, many of us still have feelings that plague us, but in time, hopefully they will diminish and we can get on with our lives. I wish this for you also Dorothy.