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At my counseling session today, my counselor suggested I find a way to process all the grief I went through as a kid by having some kind of mourning ritual. The death of my father, the loss of my innocence, the "burying" of my girl self, all need to be grieved over. I'm not sure what form this should take, but it sounds like a good idea.
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You have a much better
You have a much better counselor than I did. I hooe you find what you need.
Hugs
Brenda
Brenda Sands
Sounds like...
Sounds like something I've heard suggested before...
Another point, just because you grieve, you shouldn't forget.
We are who we are today - at least in part - due to our experiences... If we try to deny or suppress some of our history, we're denying ourselves. You did this once. I know I did this a LOT, for a long time.
You have some losses, I wish you the best as you deal with them.
Annette
a way to deal with old grief?
A way to have closure and move ahead. :)
May Your Light Forever Shine
Not to be glib...
...but as I've discovered for myself, and what you likely have learned already, but for the benefit of others, grief has to be dealt with loss by loss. No mass grave, but honoring those things that you should have had or mourning the loss of innocence over receiving things you should have never been given. Your list spans decades and includes sadness most of us can only hope we never experience. My prayers to you as you continue to grow strong and become who you were destined to be long before you drew your first breath!
Love, Andrea Lena
There is grief, and grief...
I dont think it is possible to just "deal with" real grief, Dorothy. Try "dealing with" the grief of having carried your baby daughter inside you for 9 months only to find her seriously malformed and unable to survive longer than an hour, and that hour in obvious pain. And the grief that follows, along with the feelings of inadequacy and guilt about the whole thing. That kind of grief you never get rid of - it is the kind that breaks marriages, that causes one to change her name and go to live in another country to try to escape from it all, but it is still there, even 40 years later.
Nowdays, most of the time, I do manage to push it out of my conscious memory, but whenever I am idle it pushes its way to the surface, and believe me Dorothy, it hurts today like it did back when it happened.
The only thing that worked for me was to keep busy and have so much to do and so many people to think about, each with THEIR problems, that I have no time to stop and think about me. That works pretty well, but when one gets old one gets pushed into "retirement" and then it gets harder to find enough other people to worry about. Still, I suggest you could try this approach as it worked quite well until then. I sense you have some time to go before having to retire.
Briar
I'm so sorry for your loss, Briar
You're right that I have no idea what that feels like, but I wish I could take even a tiny portion of it away from you, even if I had to carry it myself. The best I can offer, sadly, is a few words on a screen, which falls short of what i wish for you. As for me, a wise man once said "shared joy is doubled, shared pain is halved.", so by sharing my joys and my pains I hope to accomplish some healing, and maybe I can act as a example to others. Hugs.