“You know you cannot drive without a driver license,” screamed the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman.

“Sure I can. I put something in this here hole next to the wheel that the nicely dressed intoxicated gentleman uses to stir things with and I put this thang here in “R”, get my book about Dick and Jane and Spot and put my foot on that thang down there and the car goes, but there is always that there tree in the way.”
 

 

 
The nicely dressed intoxicated gentleman who carried Josephine Bockkernodd to Texas and bought her an ice cream factory was not around when Josephine decided she needed to go to the store. She wanted to bake a pie and had the corn cobs, but did not have the dill pickles and po’cat meat.

She found the car, but could not figured out how to wind it up so it would go. She remembered that was how her brother started his little cars he got for Christmas.

She thought -- making her head hurt -- and finally remembered that the nicely dressed intoxicated gentleman put something in a hole near the round thing that he moved back and forth going down the road. He called it a stirring wheel. That thang was too big to put in a glass or bowl, so she could never figured out how he could stir anything with it.

After sitting there an hour and trying different things, she finally figured out what to put in the hole — her bobby pin. She got the car started (miracles do happen) and got her favorite book about Dick and Jane and Spot to read and put the lever in “R”. (That was for reading, of course.)

The car backed across the road and into a tree. Now, why would anyone plant a tree there? That was the second time she had hit that tree, being the second time she had decided to drive the car. Surely whoever put that tree there should know it was in the way.

A nicely dressed non-intoxicated police officer came up. He was the same nicely dressed non-intoxicated police officer who came up the last time she drove the car and hit the tree that should not have been in her way.

“Let me see your driver license”, gruffed the nicely dressed non-intoxicated police officer.

Driver license? That must have been the thang that the nicely dressed intoxicated gentlemen got for her by “pulling some strings”. Josephine could not understand that. The last time Josephine had pulled a string, her sweater came apart.

“Now, how can I show you my driver license when you took it away from me last time?” asked Josephine.

“You know you cannot drive without a driver license,” screamed the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman.

“Sure I can. I put something in this here hole next to the wheel that the nicely dressed intoxicated gentleman uses to stir things with and I put this thang here in “R”, get my book about Dick and Jane and Spot and put my foot on that thang down there and the car goes, but there is always that there tree in the way.”

“Don’t you know to stop before you hit the tree?” asked the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman.

“Well, I stuck my foot out the door and the car would not stop.”

“You are supposed to use the brake!” yelled the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman.

“Now, what would I want to break?” asked Josephine.

"Are you trying to be smart with me?" asked the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman.

"No, but I did go to school one day." replied Josephine. "My brother was out sick and I went in his place. It was fun. I got to sit in a corner with a pointed hat on my head.'

"The teacher was so nice to me," continued Josephine. "She did not let any of the other kids do that. I think she liked me. In fact, I was so smart that she told me to never come back."

"Oh, why? Why do I get kooks like this?" asked the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman.

"Oh, yes -- I am a good cook. I can boil water without burning it. Sometimes somebody steals my water and the pan burns, though," proudly stated Josephine. "But the nicely dressed intoxicated gentlemen pays a nicely dressed cook to fix some nicely dressed food for me. He loves me that much."

“That does it”, screamed the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman. “I am placing you under arrest.”

“Good, I need a rest.”

“I intend to lock you up — in jail!” the nicely dressed non-intoxicated policeman screamed — a lot louder.

“You are not a very nice non-intoxicated revooner,” said Josephine. “No wonder your wife pulled your hair out.”

“I ain’t no revenuer”, screamed the nicely dressed non-intoxicated police officer, “and my wife did not pull my hair out.”

Well, you ain’t got none on your head,” replied Josephine.

“You are coming with me” said the nicely dressed non-intoxicated police officer as he put the handcuffs on Josephine.

“Halp! I am being kidsnatched,” yelled Josephine as she was hauled away in the back seat of the police car.

That was the last time the nicely dressed non-intoxicated police officer came through that neighborhood. The next time he was a nicely dressed INTOXICATED police officer.
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--To be continued some day?
I dunno — Is it worth it?
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Secretly copyrighted 2007 by Starla Anne Lowry
But don’t let anyone know that.