Previously

After a stressful week it was good to be back in the bush and back with Daddy. I really missed him and Ginger while I was in Brisbane.

(Friday) Everyone was back at work and I was back to doing school work again. I made sure that I was at the park in the afternoon, so I could see my friends and tell them to come to my birthday party on Sunday at Mummy’s restaurant. Jenny, Brenda and June all said they were coming to my birthday party on Sunday. Oh! And I forgot to tell you all, that I and Rita got to go to that beauty salon on the Tuesday our day of no appointments.

WARNING tissues needed at the end of this chapter.

(Saturday) We all slept in till eight am that morning. I think the trip to Brisbane wore us all out, but we had a lot of things to get ready for my party at Mummy's restaurant the following day. I really didn't know a lot of people so I asked Ricky to ask a few friends to come and keep him company, because it is a girls’ party and he might get bored with girl talk. Jenny said she would do the same and ask as many of her friends to come, so it should be a nice way for me to get to know more kids my age.

Daddy said, “I hope you don’t mind Carla but I asked Brian to come and help out tomorrow because he is a real whiz at organising games and things at kid’s birthday parties.”

“Daddy, I like Father Brian. He said I might be able to go to the Catholic school if Mummy agrees to it.”

“Well we will have to see won’t we sweetheart?” replied Daddy.

Anyway everyone chipped in to decorate the restaurant for tomorrow with a happy birthday sign with my name on it. The people that were having their meals there today will just have to put up with all the decorations. Mummy said the restaurant will be closed to the public till two pm tomorrow afternoon. After that we will all have to help to tidy up so the public can come back in.

Rita said, “Mum, how many people are coming?”

Mummy said, “I'm not sure Rita but it really doesn't matter because there will be enough food to cover it.”

I even got to help out in the restaurant later because we all stayed there to make sure that no-one was inconvenienced by all the stuff hanging on the walls. 'Wow! That is a big word! I usually just say 'bovvered', but Mummy wants me to use proper grammar and spelling when I write anything down, ''Rolling eyes,'' so when I go to a normal school the teacher will be impressed on how good Mummy has taught me. Well that's her story anyway.'

We left the restaurant at eight thirty leaving Linda and Alice and her mum to close up for the night. Alice's Mum is working a few hours a week to help out when things get really busy. When we got home, me and Rita made hot chocolate drinks for ourselves and tea for Mummy and Daddy and sat down in the lounge to relax before we went to bed.

Mummy said, “Carla, we need to talk about what is going to happen in Brisbane next time you see Rose. Sweetheart, do you want Rita and Daddy to know as well or is it going to bother you to talk about it in front of them?”

I replied, “Mummy, I love Daddy and Rita and they are going to have to put up with me so they might as well know what is going to be happening.”

“Alright, here we go,” said Mummy. She had all the papers with the hospital report on what was found when they poked me in the you know what, and did all those X-rays. Mummy explained, “Carla, you do not have any testicles or a vagina but you will never become a boy either. The blood tests showed that you were more girl then boy, so what they will do is wait till you get a bit older and start you on some hormone treatment so you will have a female puberty and develop like a girl your age should. Any questions so far?”

I said, “Mummy will I be able to have a vagina when I get older?”

“Carla, that cannot happen till you are much older, but yes that is the plan that Rose discussed with me before we left the hospital gender clinic, and before you ask, no it cannot be done till you are at least eighteen. So my darling you will have to be very patient. But it will happen in the end I will make absolutely certain that it does I promise Ok?”

“But Mummy I don’t want to have a willy anymore,” and I started to cry.

“Carla, you really haven’t got a penis, it is just an oversized clitoris which is going to be needed when they perform the gender reassignment surgery.”

I calmed down and Rita said, “Don’t worry Sis, you won’t ever have to go back to being a boy and we are all here for you.”

Daddy waited till I stopped sniffling and said, “Come here darling.”

I went and sat in his lap but got all emotional again and sobbed into his shoulder. He shushed me and stroked my hair and said, “Sweetheart, you are a pretty little nine year old girl that needs to have a medical procedure done when you are a little bit older, but if they can't or won’t do it here in Australia we will take you to where they will. Now, if you don’t stop crying you will have red eyes when you greet all your little friends tomorrow and we can't have that can we now?”

“Nn–ooo Daddy. I love you Daddy.”

“Stop that now or I will cry too. Look what you have done! You have your Mummy and sister crying too.”

I said, “I'm sorry Daddy, but I thought that they were going to tell me I had to go back to being a boy again.”

Daddy said, “Sweetheart, that is not ever going to happen while I'm around.”

We all settled down and talked for another half an hour and finally went to bed. I concentrate on Jean and she was there straight away and talked to me in my mind because she did not want to wake Rita up but just talk to me and make me have a peaceful night.

(Sunday May the seventeenth 1959)

I was awake before anyone else because Ginger snuck into my room and was licking my hand. It was just sunrise and she was hungry because I forgot to feed her last night with all the crying and ''all'', so I got up and fed her out on the verandah, and had a shower before anyone else was up and about. It was cold so I put on a track suit and put my fluffy winter dressing gown on as well. I thought 'I might make breakfast for everyone this morning for all trouble I have caused in the last couple of days.'

Aunty Bella stayed at the hotel last night because she was meeting with an estate agent and wanted to discuss things with the lady selling the house she was thinking of buying. I hope she makes it to my party today. Anyway back to cooking breakfast, ''I can cook you know! Mummy is a chef and as they say the apple does not fall far from the tree.'' So it was bacon and eggs, fried tomatoes and a pot of tea. When I had it ready to serve I got a large pot from the cupboard and a wooden spoon and went close to the bedrooms and banged on the pot and said “Wake up! Breakfast time.” Just as well we haven't got any close neighbours or I would be in trouble.

Mummy, Daddy and Rita emerged out of the bedrooms in winter dressing gowns and looked like something the cat dragged in. They quickly sat in the warm kitchen and had their breakfast and a cup of tea, I had my breakfast earlier and only had some wheatbix and milk. I don’t really like a cooked breakfast myself.

Mummy said, “Thank you Darling that was really nice of you to get breakfast for us.”

Rita said, “Yeah Sis, could have been a half hour later though.”

Daddy then said, “You’re my princess Carla and I’m glad I have such a talented daughter.”

Rita said, “Hey! What about me? I cook meals at the restaurant you know!

Daddy said, “Alright then Rita, you’re my princess number two and that means you get to do the washing up.”

Mummy said, “Ok Bill, you're my prince and that means you get to help Rita clean up the kitchen. In case you have forgotten it is Carla's birthday today and nobody has said 'Happy Birthday' to her yet.”

“Oops,” said Daddy “Sorry luv.” and then the three of them sang 'Happy Birthday' to me, and I added “Happy Birthday, Jean.”

Mummy said, “We are going to church this morning so get your backsides into gear and get moving.”

They all had to have a shower so I was left to clean up the kitchen anyway. Great init? On my birthday too!

I went to my bedroom to work out what I would wear to church. It would be what I was going to wear to the party, because we were going straight to the restaurant after church. It was rather cool weather at the moment, but it would be reasonably warm in the restaurant. I opted to wear my pink lacy skirt and white tights with red open toe sandals. You could just see my red painted toe nails through the white tights. The blouse I picked was one that Mummy bought me at the seconds dress shop. It is a pink long sleeved dressy blouse with a lot of dark blue lace work around the collar and at the bottom of the sleeves. I stood in front of the full length mirror and did a twirl and was suitably impressed with just how girly I looked.

Rita came in and said, “Sit down at the dresser and I’ll get your hair done Carla, you need something special seeing it is your birthday today.”

I said, “And don’t forget it is Jeans birthday as well. She seemed to help me choose what I picked out to wear today.”

Then Rita said, “I wonder if she has more gowns like the one she has on when we see her in our dreams?”

I said, “Rita, I can see her any time I concentrate on her and I also feel some small trembles when she is listening to me talk, or when I'm being silly and crying.

Rita said, “Do you think Mum will ever be able to see her in her dreams as well?”

“Yeah I hope so, but I don’t want to push it in case it is too much for Jean to cope with.”

Rita finished with my hair, putting it up and tying white ribbons in it. I was ready. Then Rita got dressed but said seeing she was going to be doing a lot of stuff with food and drinks she had better wear jeans and a simple top and her flat work shoes. Mummy did the same, so I guess I was the only one dressed up to the nines.

Mummy said, “Carla we have enough time to do your nails if you want?”

“Yes please Mummy.”

Just as she was finished doing my nails in pink, (of course! What colour did you think I would choose?) Daddy stood at the door and said “Wow who is this then? Where is my birthday girl?”

I said Daddy “It's me, your princess remember?”

“Oh so it is! Well little one it is time to go to church, so let’s go or we will be late as usual.”

We got to the church in plenty of time, Daddy always panics when he has to wait for us girls to get dressed (Rolls eyes) 'Men just don't understand I thought.' Ricky and his family were all there to greet us and tell me 'Happy Birthday,' and hugs all round with a longer hug from Ricky 'Of course.' Aunty Bella was there and gave me a hug and said “Carla, I have some good news. I was talking to your Uncle Tony last night and told him about the house we were looking at buying and he said to just sign the contract and seal the deal so we will be living just down the road from you.

I replied, “Wow, Ginger will have a sister to play with and I will be able to take them both down to the park and meet all my friends.”

We went in and sat in our usual place behind the Smith family with one exception, Ricky was sitting next to me. Ricky held my hand and winked at me and whispered in my ear “Carla, you are really pretty today and I'm going to show you off to my friends that are coming to the party.” I winked back at him and squeezed his hand. Helen, Ricky's Mum turned around and smiled at me and gave me a wink as well. What is it today? Everyone is winking at me. I'm starting to blush, 'Oh well it will match my pink blouse I thought.'

When the service was over Father Brian came over to where we were talking to my girlfriends who were all Catholic but went to the state school.

I thought 'I must ask them why when I get a chance to get them alone.'

Anyway Father Brian said Happy Birthday and he would see us at the party to do some organising of games. We got into Daddy’s car, and Aunty Bella came with us because she will come back to stay with us for a few days to finish off all the paperwork for the buying of the house. By the time we arrived at the restaurant it was eleven am, so it was action time and all the food and things were organised because the party was to start at midday.

The party ended up being a great success. Thirty kids and some parents were there as well. I made more friends in two hours then in my whole lifetime. Ricky got to show off his pretty girl friend — ''I'm not vain or anything like that,'' and walked around ten foot tall. It was two pm and I thanked everyone for coming and the presents that they bought me. ''I’ll tell you what they were later, so be patient.''

We cleaned up the restaurant, even Father Brian helping so it really didn't take too long. Mummy asked Linda if she would be able to handle the Sunday night meal, and Linda said, “Donna there is still a lot of things in the freezer that have to be used up so it will be easy for me and Alice to cope tonight.” So home it was. It was four in the afternoon and we all sat in the lounge having a cup of tea. Normally we would be out on the verandah but it was quite chilly out there.

Anyway Mummy had some news that she said she needed to share with us, so Aunty Bella said, “I'll go and sort out my bed for the night.”

Mummy said, “Bella you will do no such thing. You are going to be part of what I am about to discuss so sit and listen. I have received all the signed papers of the divorce from you know who and that leaves me free to marry my darling William.”

I interrupted and said, “Mummy who is William?” - then realised and said, - “Oh um sorry Daddy, not thinking again.”

Mummy then said, “We are free to set the date any time it is convenient to have the wedding, and of course a honeymoon.”

Daddy just sat there with a silly look on his face.

Bella said, “Where do I fit into this Donna?”

“You my dear lady are going to be my matron of honour, that is if you want to of course.”

Bella said, “Donna, I'd be delighted to be your matron of honour.”

Rita looked at me and then at Mummy, but before she could say anything Mummy said, “Oh by the way I’m going to have two bridesmaids as well I wonder where I will find two pretty girls that are willing to be available in spring for my wedding.”

Both me and Rita started waving our hands in the air and said 'pick me pick me'.

Daddy was still just sitting there and said “Who's William?”

(Monday) Everything was back to normal again - work, schoolwork, housework, walking dogs and washing. Mummy said that Daddy had something to tell me when he came home that night, but did not elaborate to what was, 'Don't you just hate that?' Well I will ambush him with my eyes as soon as he comes through the door. 'I can get anything I want with my eyes I thought.'

It was a work day and I had to get my own tea, so I gave the freezer a miss and made myself a steak sandwich. As I was cooking that, Aunty Bella turned up in Mummy's Land Rover which she is borrowing while she is here for the rest of the week.

She walked into the kitchen and said, “Carla, I was going to cook you a meal but you beat me to it. I’m sorry, I should have come home earlier.”

I replied, “Aunty it's ok, I'm used to looking after myself and they will be home soon anyway.” I then said “I will put another piece of steak on to cook so you can make a hamburger like mine.”

Aunty replied, “Carla you are treasure, and I am so glad that Tony met your little family the way he did, I will enjoy being around and watch you grow up and will treat you as my adopted niece.” Of course me being me started to cry and had to be hugged by my Italian Aunty, I am a real cry-baby these days.

Aunty made herself a hamburger just like mine, and then said, “What do you think your Daddy has to tell you when he comes home from work sweetheart?”

I said, “I will hypnotise him with my eyes and he will tell me anything I want to know, because I have magic eyes.” Aunty Bella nearly choked when she had to laugh at what I had just said.

Me and Aunty Bella were sitting in the lounge reading and having a cup of hot chocolate, when Mummy, Rita, and Daddy, walked in.

Daddy said, “Ahh, hot chocolate before we go to bed.” I jumped up and looked Daddy in the eyes and said, “Look into my eyes and you will tell me what I want to know.”

Aunty Belle started to laugh and said “Bill I think you are being put under a spell.”

Daddy played along and said, “Yes oh Great One what do you want to know?”

I couldn’t keep it up so I fell in to his arms in a fit of giggles. Mummy and Rita just shook their heads and went to make their chocolate drinks. Daddy carried me to the lounge and we sat down still laughing.

Aunty Bella said “Bill you had better tell her or she will conjure up her twin sister to zapp you.”

“I believe she could too” said Daddy. “Speaking of your sister Jean, how would you like to visit her resting place sweetheart?”

I started to tear up the minute he said resting place, “Hey don't cry darling, I'm not joking. Tom Granger has bought a four seater helicopter and he needs to get his hours up to keep his chopper licence current. He rang me the other day and asked if I would be able to refuel his machine if he came to Quilpie. There is an air strip that small plane owners use as well as the Flying Doctor Service. It is being upgraded to an all-weather strip I think. Anyway there is no problem refuelling Tom’s chopper.”

I was speechless! This is pretty strange for me I must say. I calmed down and asked a lot of questions and so did Rita. Mummy didn't say much because she knew what was on the cards a few days ago.

The rest of the week went by pretty quickly and Aunty Bella got the bus to Charleville on Thursday morning to catch the flight back to Brisbane.

(Friday) I was getting excited about flying in a helicopter but more so, that I would visit Jean's grave. Everyone went to work as usual and I did my school work set out by Mummy as always, and I even talked to the School of the Air and told the teacher about my trip to Brisbane and how I was going to go by helicopter to River Downs and visit my twin sister's grave on Saturday. Late in the afternoon I could hear a helicopter fly over the town and I knew it was Tom Grange landing out at the air strip.

The flight from River Downs takes about three hours so the chopper has to be refuelled before the trip back to the station. I concentrated on Jean and told her what was happening and she seemed to think it was rather funny that I wanted to visit a lot of old bones buried in the ground. Anyway, I got a bit annoyed with her but I guess she is right because she is in the spirit world, so as far as she is concerned she is alive and well on the other side.

(Saturday) Tom Granger stayed with us overnight so we could be up at sunrise and go to where the helicopter was parked. Daddy drove us to the helicopter, and watched as we got on board and put our seat belts on.

Rita said, “This thing has no wings. What happens if the motor stops working?”

Tom Granger said, “We will just have to call on Carla's sister to stop us from falling out of the sky.” Rita went real quiet after that and held my hand most of the way to River Downs. Tom circled over the homestead to let them know he had returned so they could get things ready to refuel the chopper again to take us back to Quilpie.

We landed about fifty yards away from the tree where Jean's remains were buried. He said he would leave us there for an hour while he flew to the hanger where the chopper is kept and refuelled it to take us back home. Once the noise of the chopper was gone it was quiet in the bush apart from the birds in the trees building their nests to lay their eggs, to hatch for when spring arrives. I used to love watching the little birds being taught how to fly by the mummy birds when I lived out here.

Mummy and Rita hung back and Mummy said, “Carla you say your piece with your sister and let us know when to come by your side.”

It was winter time and there were no wild flowers out in bloom, so I brought some flowers with me from Quilpie. I was in tears as I walked slowly to my sister lying in the cold ground. I was now sobbing uncontrollably and lay myself down on the grave and cried out in anguish and pain that I could not explain, when from inside me I felt that Jean was truly inside my being as one joined soul. I sat up and prayed to God in heaven to keep my sister Jean safe till I myself will join her. Mummy and Rita came and wept beside me and we held each other in a three way hug but were too overwhelmed to talk.

Tom returned to pick us up to take us back to the homestead to have some lunch before he flew us back to Quilpie, but we were too distressed to eat anything so we said 'Hello' to Toms wife Margaret, but she was affected by the way we looked and couldn't speak without tearing up, so we said 'goodbye' and got under way. It was a silent trip home and we were deep in thought. It was late afternoon when we landed in Quilpie. Daddy was there to pick us up and help refuel the chopper. He took one look at us and choked up and helped Tom get his chopper ready for his trip back home in the morning. Tom was going to stay with us overnight again.

When they were finished with the chopper they looked at each other and, Tom put his arm around Daddy’s shoulders, and must have warned him how stressful the grave experience had been for me. Daddy knelt down and opened up his arms, and I fell into them and sobbed all over again because he was now openly crying as well. He had lost his wife two years ago and his son a year before that, and seeing me in this state brought back all his pain once more.

To be continued.

Next time getting over the visit to my sisters grave and making plans for Rita's sixteenth birthday.