Well, my little link about TG kids seems to have produced some interesting responses, the one everyone is talking about is the person who seems to feel disappointed that we are not all a bunch of sissy masochists. In honor of him, I wanted to produce a list of questions that would generate some anecdotal evidence that we who are transgendered actually do exist, and my own answers.
1: When did you first notice a gender variance in yourself? My memories are hazy, but my best recollection puts it just before my sexual assault, so that would be about 7 years old.
2: What in your early environment would have encouraged gender variance? What would have discouraged it? As far as I can remember, nothing in my environment would have encouraged me to be anything but a boy. In fact, my rape acted as negative re-enforcement, making me associate the idea of being a girl with being hurt.
3: How does your gender variance relate to your sexuality? I consider myself to be a lesbian. I relate to woman as a woman, but would rather a female partner.
4: do you consider yourself to be a masochist? Why or why not? When I first began exploring the idea of expressing any femininity, I thought the only option was to be submissive. But now I know there are other choices, and I would rather be an equal partner in a relationship, and the idea of pain and humiliation, either giving or receiving, does nothing for me sexually.
Well, that's all the questions I can think of. Anyone else got one?
Comments
A few answers,
1. Puberty is my biggest recollection. There are others, I remember dreaming I was my mother when I was 3, and there were other times, but puberty was when I became aware I wasn't like the other kids.
2. My Dad was definitely into macho. When I was 6 or so he noticed me flinching ever time he approached me, and was ashamed of himself (and knocked off the hitting thereafter). He was border line abusive, but not by choice, and I did feel his love (not sarcasm). When he realized what he was doing he did his best to stop. Being military probably made it worse, but my feeling was always no son of his could/would be a sissy. I did my best.
3. I like girls. I suspect if I could transition I would like guys. I have some sex drive, but when I dream my partner is always the opposite sex. Generally I am a woman, but not always. I suspect there are degrees of transgenderism, I am not as deep into it as many people. If I were I suspect I would transition and looks be damned. This is how I interpret what else I see around here.
4. No, I am not into giving or receiving of pain. Quite the opposite, there is not enough happiness in this world, it is our job to make as much as we can.
I have a question,
5. If you could be made straight (which I am aware is not possible) would you? How core to your being is being TG? My answer, yes, if I could change I would. I am miserable, I do not like it, but I have to endure it same as everyone else here.
6. How much is cross dressing affect your attitudes? Do you currently do so? My answer, I did some hidden cross dressing when I was younger, but I was too terrified of getting caught. It is not inconceivable I might do it in the future, but I have not done if for many decades (things like wearing panty hose under your pants), and I don't feel a need now. Girls cloths do seem fun though, if I were a woman I would be very girly indeed.
answering your questions
5. I would say I would much, much rather not be having this issue, especially since it may end up costing me my access to my daughter.
6. I wear only female clothes now, and am in the process of getting rid of the last of my male stuff, but I dont feel like I'm "crossdressing" since I feel like I AM a girl, and this is what girls wear. I assumed before I started that I would be very girly, but I find myself quite happy in pants and a blouse.
Since you are transitioning
Since you are transitioning I do not consider what you are doing cross dressing. You are moving across that line, not crossing back and forth hon.
Answer to #5
Only if I could be a straight female.
my answers...
1) Honestly, as far as I know, I've ALWAYS been this way. I've always fantasized about doing "girl" things, as far back as I can remember. As repressed memories from further and further back surface, I find that there is no real "switch" point for me, other than just last October when I flipped the switch from resisting it to accepting it.
2) Everything in my young life pushed me towards masculinity, that's why I resisted for so long.
3) When I fantasize about sexual things, I'm always a woman. Sometimes I'm with other women, sometimes I'm with men. OCCASIONALLY I fantasize about starting an encounter as male, with a female partner, and our roles reversing at some point... I always end up "coming" as female though.
4) Only towards role-playing characters, and that was more of a coping mechanism, a way to offload my own pain onto a fictional character so that I didn't have to feel it.
5) DEFINITELY YES! If I could be a "normal" male, or a "normal" female, either option, I don't care, just so I didn't have to face the pain of physically being the one while emotionally wanting to be the other.
6) I currently wear only female clothing of a butch style. Womens underclothing as well. I'm still presenting mostly male... am I crossdressing? I suppose... Honestly, in my mind I'm just wearing what's comfortable. Male clothing isn't comfortable, never has been.
Abigail Drew.
Two more answers
5. Hell yes, BUT ONLY if I were "made straight" by making my body match my mind. Being TG is not a part of my "identity" at all, though it is a big part of my life. Being female is inextricably core to my identity. Change that, and I wouldn't even be me anymore.
6. Let's define "cross dressing" as wearing clothes only considered socially appropriate for the other sex than the one you usually present as to the world at large, to avoid confusion. I used to do that from time to time, mostly to help imagine what my life could be like. Always furtively, of course. Well, almost always. Sometimes I'd think, "hmmm, maybe..." and other times I'd be all, "no fucking way, I'd be a joke, a freak, and life would be hell." I couldn't have been more wrong. I had no idea just how miserable I'd been all those years. Clothes are just clothes, though. They help others accept you for who you say you are (really, the main reason we wear anything other than purely functional clothes anyway) and may even to an extent help you accept yourself for who you feel you are, but it's that accepting of yourself and not trying to hide it that's so liberating.
About meeeow
1: I've had gender identity disorders of some kind all my life. They've settled down and formed MegaTomboyness! ;)
2: My male life has been pretty normal, and unfortunately still is.
3: Gender identity and sexual orientation aren't linked.
4: VERY masochistic. You wouldn't expect it, given all my bluster and ruthlessness and humor, ...but really I'm just being strong because I have no seme to be strong for me. Even a MegaTomboy can be totally submissive when she melts into the powerful embrace of her seme. ^_^
So, You Want to Know?
Let's go down the list:
1. Once, when I was five, my mother was buying female undergarments, especially a girdle. during mom's time of decision I said, "I feel like a girl." Mom and the saleslady laughed.
2. I always wanted my hair long and inwardly cried when I was forced to get a haircut. When the hippie movement began I was glad that long hair was in vogue. Also, most of my near relatives were female.
3. I was straight before taking hormones and consider myself straight after taking hormones. This was a gradual transition taking months. I remember walking in a strip mall and seeing a man that looked like Tom Selleck and temporally losing my breath and thinking, WOW! I also was married and am a father.
4. I am defiantly not a masochist. I don't like the "forced fem" stories. However, if I had an excellent sexual relation with a man I am willing to try being tied up. I might enjoy having no control this one time. If I liked it I would do it again only on occasion. I consider myself a strong woman needing a strong loving man, just like the characters I mentioned in my blog about being a character. (Not that kind of character!)
5. Also, as I mentioned below, I would only be straight if I could be truly female.
Previous post
I missed the one with the comment you mentioned, so know nothing of it. I suppose I could try and answer some of your questiona.
1: As far back as I can remember.
2: A different family, a different area of the country, a different school; the list is endless. It also ties in with my age, as back then we never existed.
3: Been said already: no link.
4: Definitrly not. I have absolutely no interest in the BDSM stuff, although I have friends who are.
5: We would all like to be 'normal', but I would not wish anything that stopped me being, well, ME.
6: Clothes are clothes. I wear what adds up to men's clothing for work (no real difference in the uniform) and a lot of the rest of the time I am in cycling kit, and that is also unisex. At the moment, I am in fluffy slippers, a fleece top and a long skirt, because it is COLD.
a question of Identity
My answers will be a little different than many of the others...
1. I think I first noticed a variance when I was about 10 years old. But that wasn't a "gender variance", I just wasn't so competetive, agressive than the other boys. I realized my gender variance at 37.
2. I grew up in an environment which didn't really encourage or discourage gender variance. I just could live my own life as a silent, sensitive dreamer without any conflicts which could have forced me in any direction.
3. As I don't have (and never had) any sexual drive I have no idea about a relation to my sexuality. Emotionally I'm attracted to women, but I don't care about labels.
4. Intellectually I can understand how sombody can be into BDSM, but it is definetly nothing for me.
Martina
1. Well, I *don't* count my
1. Well, I *don't* count my practicing until I could cross my legs like mom (around age4-5). Not having a father, imitating her is not out of line.
I do recall preferring to play with the girls in first grade. And getting told I couldn't.
Next is around puberty where I tried to "tuck" things several times. Including some experiments with tape that didn't work. I also found a dress once near a local lovers lane. But it didn't fit.
I did like reading forced femme stories when I finally got access top that sort of thing years later. But I didn't actually try dressing (other than the bit with the found dress) until about 10 years back. It was part of a BDSM relationship, and the top had me try it because of my interest in forced femme stories. We quickly discovered that I liked it some much that "you can't force the willing" :-)
2: Well, single, female parent might have encouraged it. As would having girls as the usual playmates at first (nearest boys my age were several blocks away, whereas one girl lived next door and another a couple houses away)
The abuse I got for "sitting like a girl" in first grade and when I eventually got "forced to play with the guys (which I was really bad at) might have discouraged it.
Oh yeah, a bit late to be an influence was my first exposure to the idea of transsexuals. My mom's copy of "Myra Breckinridge" (from about the time the movie came out). If that didn't distort things enormously...
3. It doesn't really. I've pretty much been bi since I first started being sexual. I just didn't have much in the way of opportunities either way for many, *many* years. I used to be more attracted to females, now I'm more attracted to males.
4. Oh yeah. I've been a masochist since I was 5 or six. I recall hearing a tall tale of sorts going around the neighborhood kids. Something along the lines of "Johnny got in trouble and his mom whipped him with a rose bush branch with the thorns still on!!!".
After the expected "horror" *my* reaction was to wonder what it'd feel like. Followed by finding a private spot and a rose bush branch and trying to spank myself with it (not very well). I've always had that "what would it feel like?" and attract to "strong sensations (many of which many folks would consider painful.
I'm also a sub, but that's a whole different set of things.
Brooke brooke at shadowgard dot com
http://brooke.shadowgard.com/
Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world
"Lola", the Kinks
Mistaken identity
I meant to answer your questions much sooner. I could blame long hours of work and a hectic home life, but really, the reason is just "oops."
1. I don't believe in truly gender-specific behavior or roles. I wasn't raised to, and you can always find a counterexample to anything you might think of if you make the effort. I understand what other people mean by this, sort of, through cultural assimilation, so I could say "at least by five years old if not earlier" but I don't equate proclivities with identity.
2. Again, don't really believe in it but have always understood that for some reason others do. Encouraged? Having a really cool big sister and wanting to be like her, I suppose. Discouraged? A strong aversion to public ridicule. Also a strong aversion to having the crap kicked out of me ostensibly for being a "sissy" or a "fag."
3. Again, shrugging my shoulders at "variance" and wondering what it could possibly have to do with sexuality. With a fairly large sample of people of whose sexuality I am aware, I see little if any correlation with what others would consider "variance." My sexuality seems to be heteroflexible--I seem to be somewhat more comfortable in relationships of two people, one of each sex, and I definitely prefer that I be the female of the pair, but I've tried all combinations of two (and once, three) and I'm more or less OK with whatever, as long as I care about the people involved and they care about me. I don't care for labels but I find "heteroflexible" kind of funny and apropos.
4. Absofuckinglutely not. Though I have to wonder about myself after sticking it out for fourteen years in a marriage with a malignant narcissist who oh-so-subtly but systematically trashed my self-esteem and isolated me from friends and family. I plead masteful manipulation and self-deception there. But no, I don't get off on pain and suffering or humiliation--my own or others'. At all. Quite intensely the opposite.
My opinion is that these are the things others look to for proof of our claimed identities, and we (myself included) all too often fall into the trap of playing the game by their rules. But really, as the title of your post says, it's a question of identity, pure and simple.
The hypothesis that fits best with my own subjective experience, that really resonates for me, is the mirror neuron concept--basically that my brain is wired up to expect to be in a female body, so that's how it sees itself, that's how I see myself, and that's why I have never been comfortable, emotionally or physically, with the male aspects of my body. It's unproven so not yet even a theory, but it fits so much better than anything else I've read, heard, seen, or thought of that it'll do for now.
My earliest experience of being fully, consciously aware of having a female self-identity was at age eight. I was in fourth grade, and had just been given a form to fill out--a permission slip for a field trip, maybe; I don't really remember. What I do remember is that it was the first time I'd been asked to fill out such a form, certainly the first that included "M" and "F" boxes to check, and my hand automatically jumping to check the box next to "F," catching myself just before I did, and having to struggle with myself for nearly a minute before moving it over and checking "M"--which I consciously "knew" was the right choice (penis = boy, I had a penis, therefore I was a boy, q.e.d.) but felt entirely, disorientingly wrong.