Jubal: Senior Year
Copyright  © 2011 Faeriemage
All Rights Reserved.
Jubal's senior year marks a number of changes in her life

Jubal sat as Mama Joey prepared the tea. She wasn't ready to begin talking so Mama Joey kept up her side of the conversation without assistance. She talked about 'her' kids as she called them.

She told Jubal about the difficulties that they faced, and her worries all using generalities of course. Then, slowly, ever so slowly, Mama Joey began to rope her into the conversation. She'd ask Jubal's opinion on what she was doing to help, and even got Jubal to volunteer a couple of hours during the next week to help out at a group home. Mama Joey expected some new youth volunteers and wanted Jubal to show them the ropes.

"So, you want to talk about it, honey?"

"I'm afraid of Kirk finding out that I'm me."

"Why does that matter do much to you? You know you're female."

"I know, and if he doesn't really respect me enough to realize that, he's not worth it. That won't change how much a rejection like that will hurt."

"I know, honey. He hasn't rejected you yet, though."

"But, if I tell him now when he has nothing invested, it would be easy to just reject me out of hand without even trying to get to know me. He'll decide it was because I was lying to everyone when you know that's not the case. If I wait until we've spent time together, and things are going smoothly, then I will have been lying to him from the beginning and he'll have a reason to reject me even if he has something invested."

"So, you've already decided for him?"

"Statistics say I'm right. Unless a guy is actually looking for a transsexual he is less likely to accept being with a transsexual in a relationship."

"Look, there are guys who know what you are that are after you."

"Lance? I think the only reason he stays interested is he saw me naked."

"What? You never told me that!"

"Oh, um, when I was a freshman. Locker room. um, yeah. Can we not talk about this?"

"Ok, but I'll get this story out of you eventually."

Jubal sighed. "And then, I'm opening myself up for a world of freaks and crazies with my book. They'll all read it and get the wrong ideas about me. They'll want me to support their pet sexuality causes, or they'll think I'm their perfect mate, or they'll. . ." Jubal shuddered.

"I don't think I can handle that, but I think, like Beverly, that this story is important enough that people need to be told. They need to know me, not some pen name."

"But Jubal honey, this puts you at risk. You could get yourself killed. I know I never said anything about this before, but at the rate you were writing I thought we had time to stop the project."

"Blame Kirk. I was writing to try to not think about him."

"Then why are you going to his house?"

"I don't know! I don't get why I can't focus. I've never had this problem before. I just change my mind and I can get back on track. I change what I think about and I don't have thoughts of his hands, or his eyes, or the way his behind. . ." Jubal blushed.

"Honey, you're just infatuated."

"I want to stop being infatuated. It is so frustrating. I want so much out of a relationship, why are my hormones so in charge of it all. Mama, I want a guy I can talk to, who will hold me when I cry and tell me everything is going to be alright. I want him to hold my hair when I vomit. He will be able to take me dancing at the drop of the hat. He needs to love me more than his family, but still want to experience all of their sadness and joy.

"I want a man who is more concerned of my needs than getting to his class by the shortest route possible even if it means running me over."

"He didn't."

"Twice!"

Mama Joey began laughing.

"It's not funny!"

"Yes, dear heart, it is."

"Oh, pooh. Yes, it is."

"Honey, you know that there will never be a man that fits this entire list?"

"Can the one I fall in love with at least meet that last criteria?"

"Oh, Jubal. Love isn't that simple. It is part emotion and part choice. It is an emotion that only sweeps us away when we let it. It is powerful and moving and demands that we do something about it.

"The thing you have to remember is that as long as you go in with both eyes open, then you'll never be surprised. No one is ever exactly who they think they are. Never believe what a person tells you. Believe what they do around you.

"Watch how he treats his mother and sisters. Watch how his father treats his mother and sisters. You'll get a good idea of how he'll treat you from those two things."

"Okay, Mama, but aren't you trying to give me an entire life worth of homilies in one breath?"

Mama Joey sort of chuckled at this, "yes, I suppose I am."

"I'll be okay, I think. I'm so worried about it, though. I really want him to like me."

""Honey, I know. It's tough to live as a physical child in a world of teenagers, isn't it?"

Jubal nodded. She yawned and realized that the talking had helped.

"Well, off to bed with you, sleepy head. See if you can't get some rest."

Jubal nodded and then went up to her room. She lay down and was a sleep almost immediately.

***
Jubal was up while the sun was still down. She hopped out of bed and began looking through her dressers and closet, trying to find the perfect outfit.

She ended up in a dark blue peasant top and a pair of black stretch jeans. She used an Alice band in her hair and pronounced herself as good at she was going to get.

She looked at her chest and sighed. Still just he puffy nubs they'd been for a while now.

It wasn't really fair, but fairness had nothing to do with it. Oh well, she'd grow into her body. Or would it be that her body would grow into her mind. She'd survive.

It was so long before she could actually go over to Kirk's house, so she went and got breakfast, making sure she got nothing on herself.

***
Something about today was special and he couldn't put his finger on it. A half remembered thought had awakened him and he couldn't remember what it was. His alarm sounded a minute or two later and he shut it off.

He didn't remember any plans he had for the day. He'd kept it clear of his normal schedule clutter so he could be here. His sister would be playing Jubal. . .

A smile came to his face. That was the feeling. Jubal was coming over to his house.

Kirk got up and walked downstairs. Saturday was a weights day for him, so he went into the garage and started on the machines while he waited for his dad to get up. Even he wasn't crazy enough to try free weights without a spotter. He had to wait almost fifteen minutes this morning.

His parents still had a loving relationship, and while he didn't like to think of the mechanics of it all, he knew that the two of them must have had a late night last night.

"So, Kirk, where are we starting at this morning?"

"I figured that three hundred would be a good place. I almost got a single rep of that last weekend, and I've been getting a good workout during my weight training class."

"Don't be surprised if you still can't get it, Kirk."

"Hey, a guy needs goals."

While he'd been talking, Kirk set the bar on the uprights and began putting on weight. Three hundred pounds used up all of the weights that they had. If he went above that, he'd have to either get more weights, or think of something else completely.

His dad took his place at the head of the bench and Kirk went to it.

Up off the rack. Down was the easy part; just prevent the descent enough to keep it from crushing him. Then up. The strain in muscles. The burning feeling. His smile was more of a rictus grin as he put everything he had into getting that bar up to a full extension. There it was. He could still feel the strength in his arms but he wasn't going to push it. He racked the bar and looked up at his dad.

"Okay. Let's do a more reasonable one-fifty."

They went on like that for another twenty minutes with steadily decreasing weight. Pump until he could barely get the bar up, then reduce it a little. Pump until he could barely get the bar up then reduce it a little.

Saturday was his complete muscle failure day. Well, that's what he called hit. When he could barely lift the bar, which was only fifteen pounds, he knew he was done.

Then it was time for breakfast.

Breakfast was always a huge affair for him. He'd start by cooking himself a few fried eggs, and some bacon, some pancakes, juice, milk, oatmeal, and maybe a slice of toast or two with jam but no butter.

Then, if he was still hungry, he'd whip up a protein shake or two. Those were nasty, but they provided him with what he was using up.

He finished homework as soon as it was assigned in class, and when he couldn't finish it in class then he finished it as soon as he got home.

"Kirk, I want to hone my skills a bit before Jubal get's here. Play me a game?"

"Fine, squirt. I'll play you a game."

Like usual for them, Kirk grabbed a couple of pawns, mixed them up under the table so he didn't know which hand was which and then put his closed hands over the table.

His sister was the one who knew all the names of the chess moves and what a Kasparski offense was, but Kirk wasn't that bad for an amateur.

They began with knights after he moved his queen's pawn out to the center of the board. He could tell in three moves that his sister was a bit off her game, as she let a number of openings pass.

She lost a rook to a forked king.

"What's up?"

"I don't know if I can do this, bro."

"Why?"

"She's nice. And she's my age."

"Smarter than you, though."

"Well, maybe, but I don't want to chase her away. Maybe I should just let her win."

"You never chased Susan away. We dated a lot last year. She just didn't want to come back here. She was embarrassed losing to someone so much younger than her."

"What?"

"Yeah, sorry I never told you."

"Well, if she doesn't end up liking chess, then I guess she can be forgiven. Hey!"

"Checkmate."

"That's no fair, you cheated."

"It's perfectly fair to distract your opponent in a time of crisis."

"I demand a rematch!"

The doorbell rang. It was a little after nine at this point, and so he figured he knew who it had to be. Who he hoped it would be.

"Hey," she said as calm as could be.

"Come on in, Jubal. My sister is waiting for you."

Jubal smiled and then followed Kirk into the living room where Jane was indeed waiting for them.

Jubal put her game face on and sat down across from Jane.

Jane went through the basics quite well, but seemed to neglect a couple of things like pawn en passant and castling. Jubal really didn't feel bad about what she was about to do.

They played a few games, with Jubal losing both. And of course the additional rules came out on Jane's side of the board.

Jane was leaving her a huge opening. She was playing aggressively. And using her pawns a lot.

Jubal went for a nice fool's mate in the next game. Two moves and check mate.

"Well, that was a lucky break for you." Jane said after the game.

"Want to play again?"

Jane started using her knights heavily, but Jubal was ready for her. Early queen swap to throw her off balance, and a knight-bishop trap. That really flustered Jane.

"Wasn't that right?" Jubal asked.

"No, that was perfectly fine."

"Okay. Can we play again? This is fun."

This game was a lot longer. Jubal began with a pronged pawn attack. Queen's pawn up one, and king's pawn and queen's bishop's pawn up two.

Jane avoided a queen swap in the fifth turn and Jubal knew the game was hers. Jane was on the defensive and doing her best not to lose a war of attrition. It was turn twenty before Jubal put Jane out of her misery with a signature of hers when she was showing of: A king protects queen checkmate.

Basically, your king is just out of range of their king, next to your queen. It is an illogical move, but it works. The king can't move into mate even if it's from another king.

"Crap, I've been had."

"What?"

"You used that move against me on Chess.com a couple of weeks ago. You're tooyoung aren't you."

Jubal blushed.

"I knew it. Wow, you're really good. Play me again?"

"You're not mad?"

"Course not. I love a challenge."

"Can I make a suggestion?"

"Yep."

"A queen for a queen trade is always worth it."

"Huh? But without my queen. . ."

"Unless you only have a single piece and your king left, you can pretty much get checkmate with any combination of pieces."

"How do you get a mate with two bishops and a king?"

"King blocks movement and a corner."

"How do you get them into the corner without a forced draw?"

"Carefully. No, it's not easy, and the last time I had to do it, I took twenty-six moves to get him into the corner."

"Why didn't he just give you the game?"

"Some people feel a draw is better than a loss."

"Let's play again!" Jane was happy.

"You're not mad about the fool's mate?"

"Nah, I totally tried to screw you over initially and I deserved it."

"You're one weird kid, Jane."

"Speak for yourself, Jubal. We're the same age."

They began giggling and played another couple of games. Jubal still creamed Jane, but she didn't make any more really stupid mistakes.

"Sounds like you two are having fun."

"We are daddy. Jubal totally sharked me."

"So, you're Jubal, huh."

"Yes, I am."

"Aren't you the cutest little thing."

"Sir, I doubt your daughter puts up with you talking to her that way, and I'm her age, at least physically. I'm also a senior in high school, as you might have heard."

He stopped and blinked, and stood up to his full height. "I see. I thought that you were. . .well, I see that I was wrong. I apologize."

"Don't worry, I get underestimated all the time."

"Yeah, daddy. She just skunked me completely at chess."

"Oh, really? Care for a match?"

"Mr. Able, are you sure?"

"Who do you think originally taught my children how to play?"

Jubal smiled sweetly, "Their mom?"

"Oh, that's it. No holds barred, full contact Chess for you, missy."

Jubal let him have white, as she wanted that one move advantage to see where he went with his pieces. She realized in a few moments that she'd played him before. More than once actually. He was one of the few who would still accept a match with her on chess.com.

Each chess player has a method that they usually play under. They have their favorite moves, and their favorite maneuvers.

The problem was that if you just used the same gambits over and over again, you became predictable.

"I believe that's mate, Mr. Able."

"tooyoung?"

Jubal giggled at this.

"Now, if my family is done vetting her, can I spend some time with Jubal?" Kirk said as he came in the room.

Jubal made sure her hair band was still in its proper place and he came and sat down on the couch near her.

"Hi," he said uncomfortably.

"Hi, yourself."

"I like your top."

"Are we really going to do this? The whole awkward teenager thing? If so, I probably have a lot to do, like checking with my publisher to see if she likes the latest changes I made."

"You're an author?"

"Well, technically, no. I wrote a book, at the publisher's request, and she thinks it will be published, but we'll see."

"Well, so I know a soon to be published author. Anything I'd like to read?"

Jubal blushed.

"You didn't write erotica or anything did you, cause that would just be too weird."

"Oh no, nothing like that. It's just. Look, Kirk, before we go on, I need to talk to you about something."

"That sounds serious."

Jubal began to cry a bit and just nodded.

"Hey, don't cry." He tried to put an arm around her but she scooted to the other end of the bench.

"Kirk, I'm," she took a deep breath.

"I was born intersexed."

"Okay. . .which means what?"

"It's a somewhat generic term meaning that a child exhibits features of both sexes."

"You're not really a boy or something are you."

Jubal felt the tears in her eyes welling up again, "sort of. And sort of not."

"I really don't understand."

"Physically, I look like both, you know, down there."

Kirk sat up and scooted to the other end of the couch.

"That's. . ."

"Freaky? Weird? Gross?"

"Different, but yeah, it's all those too."

"I'll leave."

"Wait, don't leave. I need a moment to process."

Jubal sat there quietly and cried a bit. She knew she shouldn't have said anything, but she also didn't want to lie to Kirk.

"Are you a boy or a girl?"

"I already told you. . ."

"No, you said physically you were both."

"Does it really matter? You're just going to reject me. . ."

"Jubal, for a smart person, you're acting really stupidly right now."

Jubal stopped and blinked at him, "Wha. . ?"

"Answer my question please, because it matters to me."

"I feel like a girl. I'm not sure I am one in the traditional sense, but I sort of more associate with that mindset."

Kirk got a little concerned look on his face.

"Wouldn't they normally fix this sort of thing at birth?"

"Some doctors would. But which one is right?"

"Well, they could do a genetic test, and then assign based on that."

"What happens if the child doesn't agree with the choice?"

"Doesn't matter, boys are boys and girls are girls."

Jubal gave Kirk a sad smile. "I'm sorry you believe that, Kirk. I'll be going now."

"So, you are a boy."

"No, Kirk. I'm a girl, from my brain to my body I'm a girl. I'm growing breasts and will likely have a period. I AM A GIRL! I'm leaving because your bigoted attitude toward transgendered individuals makes me uncomfortable."

"Why? If you're a girl why does it matter?"

"Because I spent a number of years presenting as a boy, Kirk. I'm even that way in a couple of my year books. It's part of my past, Kirk, but it is a part of me. If you can't handle that, that I can't be here."

Jubal rushed out of the house in tears. Why did she mention her publisher. Why did she write that stupid book. Her life would be over as soon as it came out, and people would read it. She would never be accepted as a normal girl, and all she wanted at that moment was to be a normal girl and cuddled with Kirk.

Jane came rushing into the room after Jubal left the house, "what did you do? She was perfect! She was smart, and not intimidated by dad, and she liked you."

"All my girlfriends have liked me."

"No, they usually wanted to be with the great big football star. It was never about you. You've never once had a girlfriend whose eyes lit up just because you entered a room, you big dork."

Kirk's mouth fell open.

"What are you waiting for, bro? Go after her."

"I can't," Kirk collapsed into himself, "I screwed up, Janie."

"It's not like you told her you never wanted to see her again."

"Almost that bad. She thinks I'm a bigot."

"What?"

"She's transgendered, whatever that means."

"Oh, really?"

"Don't act like you know any more than I do, squirt."

"Ok, you're right. Let's look it up."

***
A couple of hours later, and some quick browser closes, Kirk sat there and looked thoughtfully into the middle distance.

"How could I be so stupid, Janie?"

"You didn't know."

"No, but she was trying to explain it to me and I wouldn't listen. It just goes contrary to what I think I know about the world."

"Then admit you're wrong."

"Easier said."

"Look, you know where she lives?"

"No. . .but George might."

"Can you invite him over?"

"I'm not setting you up with George, Jane."

"Aw."

Kirk dialed George on his cell.

"Kirk!? What in the hell did you do, man?"

"Um, so apparently you've heard. I really screwed up."

"You tore her heart out. I really feel like killing you right now."

"Is she there with you?"

"Yes, but she doesn't want to speak to you."

"Tell her I'm a fool. Tell her I'm sorry. Tel her I should have just listened and not said a word. Tell her I want another chance."

"No."

"Why not, George?"

"Because she's a friend of mine, Kirk. Look, you're sorry you made her cry, but are you really sorry for your words?"

"Um. . ."

"See, you don't know. You don't know your own hert right now, and you just want everything to be nice between the two of you.

"Jubal doesn't do nice, Kirk. She is all or nothing and has been that way for as long as I've known her. She was putting her entire self on the line with you. Opening herself up to hurt, and you hurt her."

"Thanks, Dr. Phil. Now let me talk to Jubal."

"Not going to happen, Kirk. I really hope you're aware of our hazing policy at school, since I would hate to see you off the team."

"George, wait."

"Don't, Kirk. . .are you sure?" This last was a little muffled, so someone was likely talking to George from the room.

"Hello, Kirk."

"Jubal, let me explain. . ."

"No. Not right now. You hurt me deeply, you know that? I know you didn't mean to, but you reacted emotionally. That was your instinct. You might change your attitude, Kirk, but you might not. I choose not to risk it right now."

"Jubal, give me a chance, please, one more chance? I was ignorant and stupid, and I'm a jerk, and I lo. . .ike you. A lot."

"Why do you deserve a chance?"

"Because I spent the last two hours realizing how stupid I was. I looked up information on the transgendered. I didn't know. Really."

"Then you should have listened."

"I know that."

"If you didn't listen on something this important, then how can I be sure that you'll listen on something that's not important at all."

"Truth? You don't. I'm willing to try. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Just don't leave me. Please?"

"I'll have to think about it, Kirk. Okay?"

"Jubal. . ."

"No, I want to think about this. I need some time."

"Fine. I'll give you time. Will Monday be long enough?"

Jubal giggled softly at this. "I think Monday will be long enough. See you on Monday, Kirk."

"Does this mean. . ."

"No, but it means I'll tell you whatever I decide in person."

"So formal."

"Oh, you. You're silly you know that?"

"It comes from hanging out with young people all day long."

"I'll have you know I'm anything but a silly young person."

"You're right. You're wonderful."

There was silence on the other end of the line.

"Jubal?"

She sighed, "see you on Monday, Kirk."

Kirk pumped his fist and said, "see you."

He hung up, but was happy for the rest of the day. Maybe he'd be able to salvage this situation yet