My mom said that today at breakfast. Made me cry. I wish I could help her, but I dont know how....
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You Killed Todd!
Aww, honey, I wish I could help. Moms are great at guilt trips, aren't they? Especially Jewish or Catholic mothers (mine is the latter)... No matter how happy I am, how proud of an achievement, how steeled I think I am to it, she can still cut me off at the knees with a single professionally delivered sentence or phrase, or even a single word sometimes.
And I mean, you could say something like "Todd never really existed" or "Todd was actually Dorothy in disguise all along" or something similar, but we rarely think of that while Mom is traumatizing us with her Guilt-Fu.
Stay strong. *hug*
Angel Lisa
If it helps, this isn't that
If it helps, this isn't that uncommon a reaction. A few years after my transition, a friend told me she was sorry for having been distant since my transition. She said she liked [my old name], and blamed me for taking him away. She later realized I was still here, in a new improved version, and the only one keeping us apart was her, and we've been closer since.
My father once told me
"You don't even look like a woman," as if that mattered to how I felt. Support for his child? HAH! I don't think he knew the meaning.
Tough, it happened anyway, without his support. I'm sure that my mother knew (mothers often do) but we never discussed it.
Susie
Give her some slack
Yes it hurts to hear but give her some leeway let her mourn her son.
Cliff, I think your coment
Was rude and insensitive to Dorothy's feelings. I think you owe her an apology. Just my opinion!
Ole
We are each exactly as God made us. God does not make mistakes!
Gender rights are the new civil rights!
Trying to be Todd was killing
Trying to be Todd was killing you! What does she want, a dead son in the ground or a live daughter with Todd's memories and loving nature? That's what I don't get about such statements, it's all about how "they" feel and not about how we feel all the years we tried to live up to their flawed image of us. Tell her to get real, or have you never talked to her about how you felt trying to live as Todd?
CaroL
Rising anew
Well I guess if you killed Todd, then Dorothy has risen like the Phoenix!
It's not an unknown reaction from people, particularly early in transition. In some ways I see it as a compliment because it means that the person you've become is different enough from the old you that you feel like a different person. It was said to me a couple of times and what I emphasised was that all the best bits in the person they were mourning lived on.
I know it hurts but try not to let it get you down.
*big hugs*
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Parents can be very hurtful
They think that because the brought us into the world they can order our entire life to suit their fantasies and wishes. After all, weren't we born to make them happy. They spent a long time telling us how to live our lives and got used to it. Why, they think, should that ever change?
Parents seldom, very seldom, recognize their children as free and equal adults. And, I hate to say it, they get worse as they get older. My own mother was very confused the last five years of her life; and mean for the ten years prior.
At some point the child becomes the adult and the parent becomes the child. You've made adult decisions about your life and your mother should understand that it is your life to live, not hers!
I don't know if any of this helps but you should understand this basic family dynamic. You know you have lots of friends here who care for you and support and understand you, so hang in there and try to ignore stupidity wherever it originates.
One of your many friends,
Ole
We are each exactly as God made us. God does not make mistakes!
Gender rights are the new civil rights!
Killed
or recycled?
Angharad
Angharad
Comments
I must be lucky, as the two most memorable comments I have had were both positive. On coming out to my brother: "Oh, I always knew THAT!"
On first coming out to a lesbian friend: "Oh, I've always related to you as a woman anyway. Just didn't fancy you"
Todd ?
She is wrong honey Todd was just a mask that Dorothy had to put up with for all those years. This is who you really are LONG LIVE DOROTHY