I am reading Julie Cole's, "A Change In Lifestyle", and though I am pretty certain where it is going, it makes me feel really unsteady and um odd. I'll likely keep reading it.
Christmas has, in the last 6 years been really hard because it was 7 years ago, on the 18th that my whole world exploded; having been outed, thrown out and all that dreadful stuff. Now, finally I am able to say that life is treating me really well and I am fulfilled.
My own marriage in the final year or so, was much like the protagonists in her story. Previously, for the last four decades, I'd been MR MAN, and while I used to joke to others that my life was all an act, I had no idea how true it was at the time.
I drove a huge Dodge 4x4 Cummins pickup truck that had been built to be a snow plow at a local ski resort, and I used it to pull a massive 5th wheel trailer into some really remote locations, where most people simply hike to or ride a horse. The truck never failed to take me where my wife wanted to go, though there were a couple times that she got out and walked while I rode the truck as it picked its way down impossible slopes or around huge boulders. The ground clearance was much like a UniMog, except it did not have the frame of one, and I broke it a couple times. Those who know their metallurgy, realise that is a very serious wound.
So, spin ahead to last night when I had just cooked vegetarian spagetti and Brie with bread for my roommates. Yes, I do actually live mostly like a Maid, though I am not allowed the sexy uniform. ;( As we were serving, our guest said that I did not need to be so submissive and compliant, and my roommate said, "She is militantly submissive and nice." That made me feel quite nice. I had never felt as if I was broken.
My how my life has changed. I will try to stay out of trouble in the next few days. Though this is my first Christmas in 6 years, and many of those around me are filled with joy, I am still struggling with the past. I promise to behave, but if I disappear for a while, it will be because I have checked myself in to the pink room so none need to worry that I have done anything terminal. :)
Merry Christmas
Gwendolyn
Comments
Life Changes
I can truly say I understand the way that changes in life can be so disturbing. This is my third marriage, and the first one that wasn't dysfunctional. I think I finally got it figured out!
My first two marriages, I tried to "be the man", and to be honest, I pretty much failed miserably. I didn't want to get married the 3rd time, but we fit together so well. I have become the more saubmisssive partner, while she is comfortable in the typically male role, while still being a Mom. It's a bit odd, but the first and last thing people see is the love we share. No, I don't crossdress, and I'm lousy at taking care of the house. I'm scattered and a bit of a slob, she is very organized. Together, we are a good team.
I hope you have a wonderful holiday. It sounds like you have found your balance as well, and it makes life so much better! Much love to you!
Wren
dodge
It references a 1995-2001 dodge ram 2500 3/4 ton pickup truck with a turbo diesel cummins engine. The frame referance is probably due to the front main frame of the truck being much weaker than its earlier cousins.
To fix it requires a bit of work realigning the frame and then spot welding or bolting plates to the orignal frame after welding the crack itself. Its an expensive repair.
I made my own french maid uniform out of some scrap leftover stretch black velvet and some lace I got on sale. Its not that hard to make really. If you want one sew it.
Some may find this a funny question but do you still have the truck? I find it sad when I see people purge the joys of their previous life.
Lost the truck
The Truck was the last year of the old model, 1992. After that, it was all computerised and I did not care for the body style.
I fixed the broken frame by making a couple huge "fish plates" and bolting it together with grade 5 bolts. Despite my feminine drives, I was still a very good engineer. (One more prejudice goes up in smoke) LOL
My wife actually bought it for me, and when we climbed into it, she looked over at me from the Passenger's seat and said, "Well, I hope that this makes you more Masculine". So I was in trouble even then but did not realise it. I was just working so hard to be what everyone wanted me to be.
She thought I was Gay. I never was, though at that time I STILL did not realise that I was a woman. In the last several weeks I finally got medical tests back that bear that out. I am PAIS.
Much peace
Gwendolyn
93
the new model came out in 94.
The 92 model would be based off the much stronger frame developed in 72 how you broke that one is a mystery. Im trying to figure that out even a direct 10foot drop across a big rock wouldn't break it.. Bend yes break no. They are tough trucks that have a long history of serious abuse.
I do not like the new design I prefer the grills of 87 bodies of 80s but the hood of the 70s myself.
Maybe one day ill make an 80's style little red express clone. 4x4 which I think would look so cute.
Im a dodge girl what can I say its what I do. Why else would i have a 67 charger, 81 dodge ram, 82 Omni O24(very last year of this one before it was renamed as the charger), 82 kcar I drove to 918000km (the quaker state oil filter finished it,)my 88 fifth ave driver that i have had no problems with in 12 years of driving. Bit of a story behind that car giggle. oh what the heck..
My brothers mother in law bought this 88 Fifth ave from the dealer in 92 it was a trade in. She drove it for 6 years but had various problems with the carb. She brought it all over for repairs. But nobody could fix it. So it was parked till 99 when I bought it for 600. I drove it from her house to where I work on cars and removed the line from charcoal canister to carb. Dumped out the carbon and installed an old fuel filter I painted black. Tada problem solved. I went over whole car replaced the ball joints simply because I knew that she was horrible for maintence. Changed the intake to a 1970 for better fuel flow and less plugged crossover problems. Also put on a rebuilt carter 2 1/4 b&B carb to replace the holley two barrel. Fixed the wiring under the hood they had screwed up when they put in a brand new distributor kit. Which also got rid of the lean burn computer so I changed the Aircleaner to an earlier non lean style. The air pump system was also removed and correct brackets installed on intake so it looks like the engine never had it.
I also got lucky in a scrap yard and found a new ypipe and tail pipe to muffler on a car which I used to replace the original 3 catalitic converter (totall shot btw) system.
It gets anywheres from 27-35 mpg on the highway and 21 mpg in the city. It just works. A big benifit to a girl like me is the heat in winter I never freeze even in a skirt and heels. Its like riding a couch its so comfy power windows power seats power mirrors overhead counsol. I had someone try and fail to put a new seal on my ac compressor so that isnt working. The rust is getting bad on the car but Ill keep driving it as long as possible. I myself have put over 200000miles on it. I do my oil changes regularly, on my third set of tires, need new muffler which im trying to get a deal on. aside from that works good. I get in press the pedal once to engage choke turn key and it starts right up every time and choke has never given me a problem.
For the nuts its a 318 M block engine with the 302 cast heads. 904 lockup tranny, 2.21 7 1/4 10x2 rear 10 disk front. M blocks were the ones specially poured for police vehicles and have a higher than normal nickle content reducing piston friction in cylinders. The M is seperate from any other letter or number, if the M is beside another letter or number it denotes undersized journals or is a serial number.
and I talk to much.
Just try and have the best
Christmas and New Years that you can.
You certainly have my best wishes in that.
Maggie
Thank you Maggie
Life is really pretty good for me now, the best it has ever been. I still feel the sadness of the losses, but they have dimmed considerably.
Thank you for your kind thoughts.
Much peace
Gwendolyn