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Lead Shoes-6
Chapter 6
Okay despite how bouncy I was I’m really scared and nervous as we get to the YWCA. There’s the fact My CP makes me stick out and there’s this fear of being found out. Aunt Holly gets out with a bag and I get out with her and we head inside and sign in and head to the changing rooms and…I see this guy?..girl..in the ladies locker room.
He looks at me and he’s Hindu? Hindi? And I can’t help but sneak a few peeks until he looks away shyly and sort of hides behind the locker doors.
“Aunt Holly? Uhm is he like me?”
“I think she is Kayla.”
She, she…shit…I’m so not used to there being other people like me out there in the world. I mean seeing them on-line is one thing in real life is another.
“So they let girls like me here?”
“Definitely look.” She points to one of the walls.
There’s this poster of a woman slightly turned away holding a baby both nude and it’s from the waist up, the panel beside it is the same person but as womanly sort of as they are it’s a guy. The caption reads… “Gender’s really not that important is it?”
It makes part of my throat catch seeing that, something that supports this part of me I’ve been told was evil and freakish and wrong.
And just like she can read me Aunt Holly is there with a hug.
“C’mon lets get changed; I’ve got something for you.”
I go with her and she passes me this two piece bathing suit and a thong looking thing. She holds up the thong. “I made this it’s sort of like a gaff that the dancers and uhm...some girls like you need this isn’t as harsh sounding.”
I look it over and it’s a sort of crotchless close to a thong bikini thong and there’s a pouch attached to the front and it has this double sided bit of Velcro and there’s another tab on the underside of the panty part like where the gusset is but on the outside. Okay I can do this.
I slip into them and settle them where they’ll be comfortable and slide the pouch over my dangly bit like a sock the pull it flat and fasted it with the Velcro and the second tab covers it making the Velcro so it won’t chafe me. I look in the mirror and I’m flat there…The pouch thing is the same lycra stuff that the panties are made off and I’ve read about gaff’s this is easier to use and the bit of puffy looks normal for a girl. I’m tearing up and trying to wipe the tears away and Aunt Holly is passing me my other Bikini bottoms but these have that bikini shorts kind of thing and they fit great and they cover the thong and it’s stunning how much the real me just crutch stepped into the mirror.
The top is a matching sports bra swimming top with a racer back and once I put in the gel inserts I look, I look like Aunt Holly but a young teenaged version of her. Or close to it.
“We look like mother and daughter.” I say looking in the mirror.
Aunt Holly smiles and wipes away her own tear. “Yeah, well you are almost mine literally kiddo.”
“Huh?”
“You might not remember much about your mum but she and I are twins. I might be your aunt but we share a lot of DNA.”
“Okay that’s actually really, really cool because you’re really the closest thing to a real mom that I ever had.”
She really gets sniffly and hugs me. She even shook a bit.
“Aunt Holly? You alright?”
“It’s just…you’re just about my only shot at doing the Mom thing.”
“Huh?”
“I can’t have kids…I was so jealous of your mom when she had you.”
“But Mom could why not you?”
“Because…” she sits down with me. “My only baby wasn’t even born when I lost him. Your Mum and I grew up in a bad home, both our parents were drunks and didn’t really care about us unless it was when they’d smack us around. Dad because he’d still be angry at mom for whatever and she’d be passed out. Or it was Mom just because why shouldn’t we feel what she’s feeling?
It was her brother our Uncle who sort of helped hold things together, but he was…he wasn’t a good guy”
She’s shaking and I slide to her side for a change. “He…?” she nods and she’s not breaking down but those tears of pain are just streaming out of her eyes and she’s sort of staring at the floor but seeing other things.
“He got me pregnant when I was thirteen and instead of letting my parents know and stuff he took me to this place in Toronto that was a really bad place and they…they used…”
She’s breathing hard and trying to swallow and the Hindi girl comes over with a bottle of water and opens it for her and sits on the other side of Aunt Holly and helps me rub her back.
Aunt Holly closes her eyes after a few drinks and tilts her head back.
“It was a back alley abortion and he got caught after a couple of days after that when I nearly bled to death that night. Your mom got me to the hospital by ambulance and the cops went after our uncle and we got taken from mom and dad and placed into foster care. We were lucky sort of getting placed together but there was took much damage done to my insides and I couldn’t have kids after that.”
We’re quiet for a little while except her drinking her water then I hug her. “Well you got one now okay?”
She sniffles. “Yeah.” She hugs me tight and the Hindi girl gets up to leave but I reach out to take her hand.
“Thank you, I’m Mikayla.”
She smiles and takes my hand and shakes it. “I’m Sam, well Samantha I’m very pleased to meet you.”
“It was a pretty different way to meet though.”
I smile and she smiles back she’s really pretty too in a one piece but a blue sort of floral print that looks sort of Indian in style. I can’t really clock her either she’s all squared away perfectly and has just the start of breasts and nice legs. She looks about my age.
………………………… We all head to the gym talking and it’s kind of exciting to because Sam or Sammi which is her nickname goes to school where I’m going to be going and that means that I’m not going to be going through this stuff there alone. She’s actually out too which is kind of scary but she hasn’t been hassled too bad just sort of left alone except for a bunch of friends that she has that have stuck behind her.
It’s neat going swimming and the instructor she’s pretty good with me as I take the basics and start learning to swim. I’m wearing a float vest just in case I take a spastic moment and end up going under but it doesn’t happen and we take breaks to sit poolside on those lawn chair bed things and just kind of rest and keep from pruning up and stuff.
Sammi has to go because she has a job and she gives me her contact information including her home address and we hug and stuff before she goes. I’m all kinds of happy at having a friend my own age and her being like me is a huge bonus too. She can help me with stuff and maybe some of her friends might like me too?
We’re there for two hours and I even get a bit of a tour of the stuff and the girl showing me around is not one of those snobby gym girls that you see in some places but pretty and nice and she knows her stuff.
Like things here in the Y I can do that’ll help me like using the rowing machine and the stationary bikes and some other things like a palates class for people like me with CP or MS or just stuff like strokes or injury handicaps. I end up with a bunch of booklets on their services here and their online stuff and a spinning head because of all the options.
It was good day and also a rough one too.
I tell Aunt Holly when we get home. “How about you go and relax and I’ll make supper.”
She looks at me. “You sure Kayla?”
“Yes, I’m sure you had a long day too. I don’t really think that you were planning on all that stuff coming up huh?”
“No…but it’s been getting there.” She goes to the fridge and takes out some of the chocolate soymilk and pours herself a tall glass of it and me one too. Me I take out the frying pan and some hamburger out of the fridge and start making my Dad’s burgers.
Okay he might have been a druggie and an ass but there were a few things about him that didn’t suck and his burgers were one of them. I dump the burger into a bowl and add an can of Spam and some onion powder and potato flakes and some paprika…dad said that made the Spam taste more like there was bacon in the burger. I know it tastes good and sorta bacony and the potato flakes make it go all crispy on the outside. No buns just sliced bread toast and some ketchup and mustard and some cheez-whiz.
Tater tot’s made by those McCain guys to go with it in the oven.
Aunt Holly’s on the couch holding her bear…a panda Carebear with a skull on his tummy I’ve never seen it anywhere else I thing it might have been a gift from a friend. She’s de-stressing and looking through the Netficks on the remote for something to watch.
I bring her’s in first and then mine and we sit together and I look at her. “I want to be in the room with you when you’re talking to my therapists okay?”
“Okay…but it’s not all about you…”
“Oh about…y’know…?”
“Some of it but also stuff like being out of prison, my abuse issues, staying clean and sober.”
I look over at her. “Your mom and I were wild foster girls and hit the streets as soon as we hit sixteen. You get into some pretty messed up stuff really easily out there.”
“Were you a prostitute?” I blush asking it. She just shrugs. “Sorta, I was an Old lady.”
“You’re not old, well not that old.”
“No an Old Lady is a biker’s girl; she’s like his girl and only his girl if he’s patched in. But before you get to be an Old Lady you’re just a chick or whatever but you literally “do” what they say and who they say until they can trust you then you get let in. I was just one of “The Girls” until I was about eighteen and I pulled a solid getting a year taking a dope charge for the guy I was with and that got me my club ink.”
“Club ink?”
She shows me her right inside forearm and there’s a large S and a large C together like the letters of that AC/DC band. “SC?”
“Satan’s Choice.”
“Whoa…”
“They’re family and they got me the work and stuff that I have.”
“So you’re still with them?”
“Sort of, I’m retired? I’m doing the walk. That’s what the call the straight and narrow and as much as they do the stuff that they do they don’t begrudge you doing the walk. Especially when it’s stuff about family, family is everything and I learned that in The Choice not at home.”
“Oh so no bikers pulling in and no cops around then?”
“There’s be some friends around I know a bunch of guys in the LC and they stop by sometimes.”
“Luciphers choice?”
“No the LC is the Last Chance Biker club, just mostly part timers and stuff.”
“So who was your Guy?”
“Jake Fowler, they used to call him Nightowl, partly as a play on his name and he used to DJ in the joint but he liked to run black some nights.”
“Run black?”
She gets this smile on her face. “He’d go out in the country there were a lot of these back roads these guys know well and we’d be way the hell up on some hill in the middle of nowhere and he’d kill the bike, we’d coast without lights or the engine on and he’d barely even touch the breaks…some people thought it was scary stuff, crazy but I loved it and loved him.”
“So what happened?”
“He died when I was in prison, chunk of tire spun off a big rig down in New York State and it just happened so fast that it wedged his front tire and he flipped …killed him instantly.”
“It sounds so…”
“The life isn’t a life Kayla, there’s stuff and bullshit that you wouldn’t believe and while it can be cool, exciting, edgy it also is hell the bullshit never really stops.”
“Okay, I’m not sure I’d be brave enough for that kind of stuff anyway.”
“Good girl…I’m not just out of the life because you came into it Kayla, I want something more, I want normal.”
I grin and sat before biting into my burger. “You and me both, I guess that’s why you get me right?”
“Mmrh-Right.” She says through the mouthful.
I learned so much about her and everything today and tonight and she’s been through so much and she’s looking for the exact same thing as I really want.
Normal…
Screw the fairy tale bullshit I just want normal.
We watch some comedies each picking one. I play/order Tangled that cartoon movie, the scenes with the paper lanterns really get to me and that whole Nan keeping me pretty close to hand so fits me identifying with the whole tower thing.
Aunt Holly gets me to watch this movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off and it was funny and the guys were actually pretty cute back then…yeah I’m pretty sure I’m into boys and I’m okay with that.
We head to bed a little late and I go with her to her room and crawl in with her. “I just want to cuddle is that okay…I just don’t feel right about leaving you alone tonight…” I say to her.
Aunt Holly pulls me into a hug in the bed and just holds me. “Thanks kiddo, I’m not used to asking for help when I might need it. You’re a good girl.”
“I’ve got a good role-model.”
(Sniffle…) “Thanks…”
“Aunt Holly?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I ask you a huge favor?”
“Sure anything.”
“Will…Will you adopt me…?” I’m crying now it’s all scary, needy, emotional stuff coming up with the question. (Sniffle…) “I want you to be my Mum, like for real.”
“Yes!” (Teary crying sniffles) “I…I…God Kayla I wanted you for mine ever since you were a baby…!”
“Really?” (Ugly cry speaking.)
“Yeah, really…and now…I’ve been scared to ask…but I wanted too. I know you haven’t been here long but I love you Mikayla!”
“I love you too…Mum.”
It hurt and felt so good at the same time. We were both crying our eyes out and I’m nor sure when or what time but I fell asleep crying out old pain with My Aunt…the woman who really loves me and should’ve been my real Mum.
I actually dreamt of this other life, not a perfect life just a normal life but she was my Mum and I was her little girl.
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Comments
Interesting Chapter...
Kayla's aunt seemed so together, so to speak, despite her background that I never thought things had been that bad, even though we knew about the jail time.
Re legal adoption, can they do that? The parents, after all, are still alive as far as we know even though Dad's in jail and Mom disappeared. They could certainly be declared incompetent by a judge without much trouble, but would the court have to approve Aunt Holly's suitability to be a legal as opposed to de facto parent?
Eric
Adoption
It really depends on how difficult of a judge Bailey plans to write. Because Kay's mom has been gone so long, they will probobly order a minimal effort to locate her. Most likely an add in a couple of papers for a few weeks. After that, it's obvious that she abandoned her child and her parental rights can be taken away. Dad could be trickier, because dad can fight the abuse allegations. Not very well, but he could, even from prison. Most judges I know would likely believe releasing her for adoption is best interest in this case. Now Holly's record, that's another interesting part of it. Because it is a family adoption, social services wouldn't look as closely as they would otherwise, but they'd still have some questions.
Now, keep in mind I'm saying this from a U.S. point of view. From a legal and process point of view everything should work out, if not completely smoothly. However, if our girls run across someone who wants to make the process difficult, they absolutely could.
Good questions Eric and Gwendolyn's right on the
bulk of it. There's nor a lot of difference in the Canadian/US systems that way. There shouldn't be too many problems though Kayla's the legal age to leave home anyway in Canada and Holly's served her time and with the things with her dad in prison and stuff plus a letter from the therapists and most judges in family court will see fit to grant the adoption but they will very likely talk to Kayla one on one first.
Thanks both of you for reading and commenting:)
*Big, big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
normal
hey, sometimes normal can be a lot to strive for.
if they keep pulling for each other they will get there.
good chapter, thanks
I think that's a common want/need LoneWolf:)
That's worth waiting, working and fighting for.
Thanks for reading and commenting:)
*Hugs and Howls*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
"Gender’s really not that important is it?â€
what a way to meet someone like her! I wonder if that's true about being able to change in the girl's at the pool, it would be wonderful if I could do that, just once.....
Dorothycolleen, member of Bailey's Angels
I'm pretty sure individual Y's set their own policies.
But Oshawa has a very close to the GTA placement and much more LGBT policies. It was a good poster though.
Thanks Dorothy.
*Big Angel Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
paper lanterns
That scene in Tangled got me too! However it was the end with Kayla asking her big favor that really hit me. Both of them deserve some good after all the bad they've gone though. :)
Hugs
Grover resisting plot spoilers!
Normal
"Screw the fairy tale bullshit I just want normal."
I don't want to stand out in a crowd, i don't want to be a celebutard or fauxleburty. i want to be part of that nice couple around the corner. remembered by the neighbours and storekeepers for being pleasant and smiling... you know, normal.
I know what Mykalya is saying, and it brought a tear to my eyes... none of us truly want to be different, but we want to be happy with ourselves and how others treat us... that's normal... and it's what i want too... Thank you Bailey,
Hugs and kisses,
Moon
Another emotinal chapter
Another emotional chapter for the girls. Not what I was expecting Holly's past to be, but it never is. You don't get the ink without a story behind it somewhere. Mikayla's mom would have had a hard time with any child probobly. The extra issues just pushed everything past her limits.
Wow, there is a lot to process here. Sometimes life comes at you like that though. Everything comes to the surface at once, or one thing drags everything else out into the open. I hope the adoption process will go relatively well. I keep coming up with issue after issue that could potentially throw everything off. Holly's conviction, the trans issues if they can't be hidden, the special needs reviews if someone decides to be difficult.
School should defensively be interesting to read about. Usually around here if it is a teen story, we read about the typical "first transition in the district" plot. It's almost becoming a cliche around here. It sounds like Kayla will be coming into a school that should at least have some plan to work from, or at least some experience to draw from. The crossover between the transgender and disability accommodation should be interesting. The debate if there is one over what belongs in the disability discussions and what doesn't should be interesting. That is assuming of course that Kayla plans to come out at school in the beginning. I don't think they're sure yet.
And finally, we come to my obligatory disability comment. It's actually a major difference between Kayla and I this time, showing how personality and experience can really change reactions. You can't tell by disability, what kind of person they are.
I learned to swim when I was six. So using floaties and rings was just part of the normal kid experience. When I swim, a spastic fit is always a possibility. They're rare for me, but they do happen. However, I am a very good swimmer, can hold my breath for quite some time, and know how to recover from them. Growing up, over the years I did have lifeguards and other people try to insist I use flotation vests for their own liability and peace of mind. Sometimes even people who KNEW I was a Boy Scout certified lifeguard myself at the time. Because I know my own ability, and because I was treated as normal by my family, I always took those kinds of assumptions as a personal attack and would usually raise holy hell before I knew completely what was coming out of my mouth if the first "um, no!" didn't clue them in.
Kayla on the other hand, doesn't know her own limits yet. She's never had anyone allow her to push them. So she is happy for the safety net as she slowly begins to find herself. It's more of an affirmation that she has help as she is allowed to push out on her own, rather then the insult and reminder of my differences, that I automatically took such things as.
I'm still really glad I'm writing this Gwendolyn.
Holly's past revealed things about the family and growing up and showing Kayla a whole new side she only guessed at. There could be some issues of the TG issues and the disability issues with the adoption but also not too. There's really no one to be difficult about it other than the courts and gov services people and the fact that Kayla's of age and wants this makes it easier and the therapists will handle the TG stuff.
School will likely be the bigger problem.
No private schools for our girl she'll be going to be public school and starting as the new face in her first years of highschool at that...yikes. Sammi will be a saving grace as she's supposed to have her own circle of friends but still, that's not everyone.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Nice to see
things going swimmingly. ^_^
- - -
BCTS's resident Extravagant Honorable Trans-Cat-MegaTomboy! ;D ...But I do like cuddles from soft but strong arms... ^_^
LOL...Cute:)
But what else would I expect.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
*Huggles and cuddles*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Nice chapter!
Since Holly is Kayla's aunt, and (if I remember right) Kayla's already reached her majority, I don't think there will be any major issues with an adoption. I'm fairly sure that Holly's past and her ties with the SC will be discussed, but do ya think Kayla's gender issues could be a sticking point?
I hope things work out. They both deserve at least an honest shot at being normal.
Lovely story, Bailey.
Hugs,
Wren
The SC connection might be a point of interest.
But she has done her time and she's gainfully employed. Kayla's gender issues might be an issue only if there's a problem with the judge but that's getting to be more of a rarity up here more and more as TG gets more awareness. Legally Kayla could move out but with her needs and school and everything she was placed with her Aunt.
They Both do deserve better than what they got earlier in life.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Normal is as normal does Bailey
Considering where they have come from to where they are should be reasonable grounds for a compassionate Judge to rule in their favour for adoption.
They deserve it, I think we are all behind them boots and all.
Touching Bailey, thank you.
LoL
Rita
I'm a dyslexic agnostic insomniac.
'Someone who lies awake at night wondering if there's a dog.'
Age is an issue of mind over matter.
If you don't mind, it doesn't matter!
(Mark Twain)
LoL
Rita
Thanks Rita:)
Both of them certainly deserve a break out of the life they're trying to start.
Thank you for reading and the great comments.
*Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Thank you Bailey,
ALISON
"She was my Mum and I was her little girl", beautifully done Bailey,as always.
ALISON
I know that there's
a lot of people who've had that same bad kinds of situations just wanting that second chance.
Thanks Alison.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Sometimes a normal life can
Sometimes a normal life can be a perfect life. Most people take normality for granted and it's only when that's shaken up that you appreciate how great just normal can be.
Another enjoyable chapter, with some lovely scenes between new mother and daughter. :-)
And yeah, missed a chapter (again!). I'm catching up now though.
"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life."
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."
Sometimes a normal life's hard to get.
And as ordinary as they're life was...Is it even you're life if you're not being yourself?
Thanks Jemima I really appreciate the comments.
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers
Adoption
What a powerful chapter! My eyes glisten.
Hugs
Vivien
Yes this was a pretty powerful chapter to write.
This was really both of them healing the other:)
Thanks Viv:)
*Big Hugs*
Bailey.
Bailey Summers