Author's Note: Here's something that I've been working on for the last few months, on and off. I've got a few chapters finished, but it's more of a serial than a story that will take a while to complete. Photo Credit: Amye E.

Episode Five

“So Grace tells him take a hike,” Hannah said as she finished sifting through one of the sale racks at Forever 21.

Emma nodded her head in conformation. “You know he was after her for only one reason; that butt of hers.”

I shrugged. “It’s a nice butt.”

Hannah awkwardly looked at her own and frowned. “She gave me the workout DVD she says helped make it like that, but I’m not seeing any difference and I’ve been doing it for two months now.”

Setting a hand on her shoulder I leaned in. “Sweetie, it’s all genetic. Besides you have a perfect butt. It’s all firm and round.”

“You’ve been looking at my butt?” Hannah said it as a joke, but the truth is I always looked.

“In envy, honey.”

“My hips are too narrow,” she said and held up a hand. “And don’t tell me they’re perfect.”

“Well, they are.”

Emma laughed. “Y’all would make the perfect couple if, you know, if you were both lesbians and the Society let’um in and everything.”

I snorted rather unladylike and settled my arm across Hannah’s shoulders. “Emma, we have something to tell you.”

Hannah looked down at me. “You’re going to make me be the boy in our relationship aren’t you?”

I nodded. “Yep.”

She frowned at me. “I figured. You’re way too girly to be the guy.”

“Oh no, honey. We’re lipstick lesbians.”

“Oh, score!” Emma yelped when we were done playing around. She held up the cutest blouse.

“Gah! Enough messing around,” I said to Hannah. “She’s ahead by two now.”

~O~

After we had our biweekly game of Mall Wars, Emma dropped me off at the Society House and I waved goodbye, sighing at Hannah as I watched them drive away.

While I was still in a relationship with Brandon for almost four months I continued to hold an unrequited torch for Hannah. It wasn’t overly serious, so it didn’t mean anything. I just liked to look at her and play around. Besides, if she ever found out that I wasn’t entirely a girl I’m sure I’d be little more than a leper in her eyes, much like the rest of my friends.

Avery might understand as I knew she had a friend that was transgender, but it was a matter of trust, and I had been lying to them for seven and a half months already.

I was even going out of my way to fake menstrual cramps so I wouldn’t be found out for crying out loud. Though that wasn’t so fake. When it came time for my monthly cycle, I’d make sure to sample the chili at the cafeteria. It provided more than enough cramps to make it realistic. I know; gross, right?

This is my life.

When I got to my room, I hung up my new outfit and kicked off my loafers before getting changed into a nice set of shorts. A feel of my legs let me know I needed to shave them again. Waxing was for special occasions, because it was so expensive in comparison to the twelve for a dollar Bic razors at Dollar General.

I’ve become quite frugal as a girl.

I ran a bath and took my History reader in while I took care of business. Once I was silky smooth again, I was back out in the room, sitting at my makeup table applying much needed lotion while I lounged in a simple pink tee and short set. That’s when Carrie announced herself at the door.

“Hi, Kayla.”

“Hey, come on in.”

I was so proud of my protégé, as everyone has taken to calling her. She’s like my own little mini-me except she dresses cuter. While there had been some rough spots that Carrie had to iron out in her search for herself, it only took a couple of months before she was confident enough to make her own decisions… for the most part.

She had two outfits and held them up. “Okay, I’m going to the Spring formal with Garrett Peabody and I’m torn between these. Which one should I wear?”

Then she stopped and looked at me. “God, I wish I had your legs.”

I smirked. “You can have them. They take forever to shave.”

Like I actually cared. I even loved doing this simple maintenance on myself.

“Okay, deal,” she said as she laid the dresses across the bed. “Seriously, you have the best ankles. They’re so tiny.”

I sighed. “And they’re connected to my sasquatch feet, which aren’t.”

“You’re a size nine. That’s not gigantic.”

“When you’re five-five it is. If I was five-ten then it would be a whole different story.”

Carrie picked up my lotion and smelled it with a smile as she squirted some on her palm. “Try being five foot even. Even petite stores have trouble with me.”

She rubbed her hands together and sat down on the floor to take a hold of my left leg, rubbing the lotion across my calf while I was still working on my right thigh.

“You don’t have to do that, Carrie.”

Her hands froze. “Does it make you uncomfortable?”

I shook my head. “No, but…”

She shrugged and began work again. “Then it’s no worries. I like doing things for you. You’ve done so much for me already.”

“We’ve had this talk before.”

“I know, I know,” Carrie said as she squirted some more lotion on her hand. “You don’t want anything from someone you help, blah, blah blah. Well, tough. I can do little things that don’t take any effort and don’t cost anything, like this.”

What she was doing felt really good. It was like a little massage and skin care all in one. That was until she moved to my upper thigh.

“If your dad saw us, I think he’d have a different opinion.”

She snorted and giggled right after. “He’d think I was reverting back to girls again.”

Her hands tightened for a second and then she looked up at me, frightened. “I-I mean… um.”

Raising my eyebrows I figured I’d deduced why Carrie was following me around all the time. “It’s okay. Don’t freak out.”

After she backed away, I saw her face redden. “I’m dating guys now, like we’re supposed to. That was in my past.”

“Carrie, I don’t really care about your past. I’ve told you that a hundred times already, and contrary to popular belief, that’s one SPFV rule that I don’t support. I follow it, but I’m not behind it.”

It was like everything I said just went in one ear and out the other. Carrie grabbed her dresses and almost sprinted out of my room and up the stairs.

“This is… too much.” Looking over to the wall, I flicked the intercom system to Avery’s room. “Avery, do you have a sec?”

“Be down in a minute,” she called back.

~O~

While I waited, I went to retrieve a tea service that I knew she was fond of when we had our meetings. I had everything set up in the office before she knocked on the door and entered.

“Uh-oh. Tea. That means trouble is brewing as well.”

I rolled my eyes and poured her a cup. “We need to talk about something serious and I need you to be truthful with me.”

“What did I do?”

“Not you… someone else, but I want your input before I go to Mrs. Burke.”

Avery stirred her tea and put her game face on. “Okay, shoot.”

“I’m bisexual.”

Her cup hadn’t quite made it to her lips. It paused in mid-air and then she sipped before putting it back down. “I figured.”

“Tcha! What?”

“Honey,” she said. “If you stare at Hannah’s butt any harder I think it might catch on fire. This isn’t exactly a state secret.”

I dropped down to my seat, stunned. “Oh my god, does she know?”

Avery smirked. “She was the one that asked the rest of us.”

Burying my face in my hands, I bent over the desk. “I’m going to die now. Can you please take my letter opener and stab me in the neck.”

“So, you’re going to dump Brandon and ask Hannah out?”

“What, no!”

She shrugged. “We figured that too.”

I may have been a little overly dramatic when I collapsed boneless on the desk. “I’m so embarrassed. I’m afraid to ask what else you guys know.”

Feeling her hand pat one of mine, I lifted my head a little to peek out.

“If you want to ask Mrs. Burke about altering the charter, we’ll be behind you.”

I sighed. “I was going to ask for someone else, not me, but I wanted to see what you thought about it.”

“Oh, Carrie then?” She smirked again. “And don’t go all drama on me like you haven’t figured out she been pining away for you. It’s cute.”

My face and ears were burning with mortification. “I just figured it out and Carrie accidently outted herself to me. She wouldn’t even talk to me about it. She just ran upstairs and I’m sure she’s locked herself away for life.”

“Ouch.”

Having successfully shifted the sexuality problems to someone else, I started calming down.

Avery sipped at her tea again. “It’s 2011. There’s just no room for this kind of repression. Some of the most girly-girls I know are lesbians; take you for instance.”

“Gah! I’m not a lesbian.”

“Bisexual, lesbian, gay; who really cares?”

“Mrs. Burke.”

“Point.”

With a sigh I pushed my tea to the side and slumped. “So you think that I should say something?”

Avery set her tea aside as well. “I think that the GLBT crowd is getting really uptight about us. I’ve already talked to a few of them and agree that femininity has nothing to do with sexual orientation, so why is it included in the charter?”

That was my main thought as well. “If I argue this and win, it might lead to issues that other people find offensive.”

Her eyebrows bunched. “Like what?”

“Well, the inclusion of alternative viewpoints and sexualities at Society House. Would you feel comfortable knowing that your roommate is a lesbian and you’re not?”

I could see the light bulb go off in her head. “Ah.”

“And that’s just the beginning. How about if the girl is transgender? I’ve seen the way they’re treated. Most girls don’t like sharing public restrooms. I can’t imagine what it would be like when private space is in the mix.”

“Well,” Avery said. “We could always do it like the dorms do, make sure that those that share rooms are the same orientation.”

“Segregation again? I thought that’s what we were trying to avoid.”

Leaning back, Avery smiled. “You sure know how to hit the big issues, Kayla. I guess there’s no easy answer, but I do know it’s not really something we can solve on our own. I think everyone really needs to be brought into this since we all live together.”

I cringed at the thought. “Seventeen people all having the same opinion, on the same issue, under one roof? That’s not likely to happen.”

“It’s all a moot point anyway. How likely is it that you’re going to change Burke’s mind? We’re talking about a woman that been raised to believe that loving someone of the same sex is a sin and changing your birth gender is a mental disease.”

I shook my head. “She’s practical. I know she’ll listen to my argument. She might not agree with me, but she’s always listened.”

Each of us mulled over the situation for a few moments before Avery dropped the bomb on me.

“Does she know you used to be a boy?”

I sucked in a gasp of air. “Avery…”

My best friend sighed and looked disappointed with me. “Kayla, while most people are blind to Austin Hamilton being gay, most of us already knew. That’s why we approached you at the party that first week of school. We wanted to know if he decided to switch back to the home team.”

Ashamed of myself, I looked down at the desk and couldn’t meet Avery’s eyes.

“It took me living here and seeing you on a regular basis to figure it out. You pass incredibly well.”

“How did you know?” I asked in a whisper.

“The psychiatrist you’re seeing specializes in gender issues. I saw her card on your desk one day.” Avery got up and smoothed her skirt. “Honey, it doesn’t make any difference to me whether you were born with ovaries or testicles, you’re obviously a girl; any idiot can see that. You’re also my best friend. So, in answer to your question about would I freak if I had to room with a transgender girl… I’d room with you in a second.”

My hand went to my mouth and I saw a tear fall and splash on the desk beneath me before I looked up and saw the compassion on Avery’s face.

“Thank you.”

She smiled at me playfully. “Talk to Mrs. Burke. We’ll be behind you with whatever you decide. We trust you, Kayla.”

~O~

As we planned for Spring Break, Brandon gave me a ride to the SPFV house where I set up an appointment with Mrs. Burke. Mom was going to come by and pick me up while my boyfriend went to spend the day with his family before we went back up to school. I was going to spend the break there getting things accomplished for Society House, like the carpets cleaned and the air conditioning inspected for the spring and summer months ahead. Besides, I was more comfortable in my new home than I was at my family home. Kelsey was going to be there and we still hadn’t made up. So being under the same roof with her was asking for trouble.

“How’s Nicky?”

Brandon shrugged. “The same, I guess.”

His brother’s boyfriend, Nicky, was seeing some quack his parents set him up with to cure him from being gay. That’s what all the hubbub was about in January. Brice, that’s his brother, came out and told his parents about what was going on. While they were grudgingly accepting of their son’s homosexuality, they had a major problem with brainwashing. When Brandon went back home and gave his brother his full support, his parents relented, again grudgingly and offered to help Nicky become emancipated since he was graduating that year anyway. Tensions were always high around them in the months following. It was severely depressing which is why I try to ignore it. I had enough issues on my plate.

“You up with all your arguments?” he asked.

I rubbed my hand over his as it was resting on my leg. “Yep, Avery played Devil’s advocate and we went through several questions I might be asked.”

He grinned. “Lady doesn’t have a chance.”

“Thanks for the confidence, but she’s got almost seventy years on me. Mrs. Burke’s been around the block a few times and I’ve had all of three hours of practice.”

“You’ll do fine. I know how serious you take this, so that gives you extra incentive. Plus, you know, you’re my girlfriend and that holds a lot of weight in these here parts.”

I giggled at him. “Of course, I should have just thought of that. I’m sure Mrs. Burke is trembling in her boots.”

~O~

Since we were in front of the SPFV house, I gave Brandon a chaste kiss with promises for more when we went back to school then I smoothed my skirt before heading inside.

The smell of fresh baked oatmeal cookies nearly dropped me to my knees when I walked through the door. Mrs. Burke knew they were my favorite with morning tea and she had taken to spoiling me at every opportunity.

When the kitchen door opened on my way back, I saw that there was a new addition, a walker. Knowing she was a proud woman, I didn’t say anything and only smiled when I saw her face.

“Kayla, look at you. Don’t you look cute and full of life.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Burke,” I said as I gave her a brief hug.

“I have everything prepared if you…”

Waving her off, I said. “I’ll bring the tray up. You go make yourself comfortable.”

She half-smiled half-grimaced. “It’s this damnable walker. I feel like an invalid.”

I was kind of surprised to hear her cuss, but it was her house. “I’d rather that than see you not be able to get around at all, Mrs. Burke.”

She grudgingly acknowledged my point. “You are always very practical, Kayla. See that doesn’t change. It’s always served me well when the tough decisions have to be made.”

It only took me a minute to make sure everything was present before I brought the serving tray up front and set it on the table before laying my purse aside and pouring two cups of tea.

“The cookies smell wonderful, Mrs. Burke.”

She smiled and nodded. “They’re a recipe handed down to me from my grandmother. Since I don’t have a granddaughter to give them to they’re all yours when I move on from this Earth and join my Herbert, God bless his sweet soul.”

I shook my head and set a cookie on a small plate for her. “Don’t talk like that, Mrs. Burke. You have a long time to go before you’ll join Mr. Burke.”

My benefactor smiled whimsically. “Not so long, especially if this degenerating hip has anything to say about it.”

“Just get it replaced. They’re doing wonderful things with artificial hips these days.”

That brought a chuckle from her. “The optimist as well, I see. Never you mind about my old bones. Now, you said you had some serious issues you wanted to talk to me about.”

I finished chewing a single bite of my cookie and sipped at my tea before setting it down.

“It’s about the charter rules, Mrs. Burke. I’ve run into a… snag, I suppose.”

While my face warmed, I wasn’t embarrassed about talking to her regarding such a frank subject as sex. Her demeanor made it easy, at least for me, to speak about it.

“Would this snag affect you or the girls at Society House?”

I shrugged my head. “The girls mostly.”

“Well then, it’s none of my business. What you decide, I’ll support.”

That surprised me. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Kayla, Society House is yours to run. The charter is yours to set. As long as the spirit of the SPFV is adhered to I have no issue with you setting your own rules.”

“The spirit…”

“Feminine values, sweetheart,” she said. “I’m not so old as to recognize that certain things change with time, but one thing should always remain the same; women should be feminine.”

I nodded with agreement. “The issue might not be as easy as all that, Mrs. Burke.”

“Tosh, is it something that you believe in, something that you can support when the naysayers come to your door?”

“Well, yes…”

Leaning forward, I could see the pain in her eyes it took to do so; she grabbed my hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “Have the courage of your convictions, Kayla. Do you think I let others decide what course I set my life?”

“No, ma’am.” Not a chance.

She gave me a short nod and leaned back, sighing with relief. “The SPFV will grow and mature after I’m long gone, I’m sure. Rules will change. We’ve set a course and hopefully left behind a legacy in you and the girls that you’ve brought into the fold. I know you’re a good person and what you choose to do with this will be equally as good if you remember to support your girls. You’re the future of femininity, Kayla.”

~O~

I was waiting for the hammer to fall. Mrs. Burke was wrong about one thing; I wasn’t an optimist, I was a realist. Things were going my way for far too long without some sort of karmic payback. While Avery came out and told me she knew about my secrets, I didn’t consider that overly bad news. It would be really nice to have someone I was close to, of the girl persuasion, to know about me, and Kelsey was absolutely worthless in this regard.

Carrie wasn’t returning my calls, so I did the next best thing. When I got home, I took out my laptop and revised the Society House charter with its first amendment. As of March 28, 2011, we would not discriminate on the basis of sexuality or birth gender as long as the other rules were followed.

With that accomplished I sent out the revised charter to all Society House members and published it to our website with the proviso that all complaints or issues regarding this change be sent to me. If anyone was going to take the heat for anything then it would be me, not Mrs. Burke or any of my girls.

My phone rang ten minutes later. It was Avery.

“Holy cow, you did it.”

“Mrs. Burke said that I was in charge of Society House,” I said.

She giggled. “Does this mean we can start having normal sex again?”

“No.”

“Spoil-sport.”

“I guess I’m going to have to come up with new rules for lesbians and transgender girls as well.”

“I don’t envy you your job.”

“Meh.”

“You do realize that we’re going to have an influx of your sisters come the new school year,” she said.

I took that to mean more trans-girls. This was probably a major coup for them, being openly accepted in what amounted to a sorority and encouraged to be as girly as they could possibly be.

“Well, we’ve only got a few openings left.”

“That may change once this gets out. Like you said before, some of the other girls might have an issue with rooming with a lesbian and stuff,” she said.

“I figured I could get their input over the next couple of months and work something out. I want everyone to be comfortable and I won’t put up with anyone being ostracized or anything.”

My phone beeped a call-waiting signal. I checked it and saw Carrie’s number displayed. “Avery, let me let you go, Carrie’s finally returning my calls.”

“I bet. Give her a kiss for me,” she said with a giggle.

I gave her a raspberry in return.

“Hello,” I said as I switched over.

“Did you do this for me?” her tearful voice said.

“Oh, so now you’re talking to me again?”

“I’m sorry. I just…”

“Carrie, have I ever made you feel that you couldn’t be honest with me?”

“No.”

“Have I ever judged you?”

“No.”

“Okay then. The next time you have an issue, feel free to come to me and know you’ll have a friendly ear.”

“Alright.”

“There, now that’s over I’ll answer your question. Yes and no. It’s something that I haven’t really felt good about supporting. I talked it over with Mrs. Burke and she’s letting me do what I want. So, feel free to come out of the closet if and when you want without any fear of me or others at the House.”

I heard sniffling on the other end of the line. “Would you mind not letting the others know I’m really a guy?”

I dropped my phone. It bounced off the desk and landed on the floor as I eyed it.

“Kayla?” I heard her voice coming from the floor as I stared at it for a few seconds before I lunged and grabbed it up.

“Sorry, I banged my knee on the desk,” I fibbed. “Um… I didn’t know about your gender status actually.”

“Oh my god! I’m such a spaz!”

“You’re not a spaz. Girl, get a hold of yourself.”

Was everyone in my life, including me, hiding something? And what’s the deal with the transgender thing? Was it catching? Was Avery going to turn into a guy in the future?

“You really didn’t know?”

“No, Carrie. This is the first I’ve heard of it.”

“But Daddy said he talked to Mrs. Burke about it.”

I nodded to myself. “He probably did. She mentioned that you had some issues from your childhood that you dealt with, but it really wasn’t any of my business.”

She groaned. “I thought you knew from the first moment we met. I was even dressed like a guy… well not really. I was kind of ambiguous I guess.”

Thinking back on it, Carrie was all gothy, and even goth guys wore bad makeup and dressed pretty much like goth girls.

“When you were talking to me about being feminine and how it worked so well for you,” she said, “it was what finally made me decide to straighten out, be myself, and tell Daddy. I just figured you didn’t want to talk about it when we sat down that first night at the House, like it was better left unsaid or something.”

It all started to come together in my head. That’s why Carrie wanted to use me as a role model; somehow she knew I used to be a boy as well.

“We need to sit down and have a real talk, Carrie.”

There was a short pause. “I’m not in trouble?”

“No, you’re perfectly fine, honey.”

“Okay, well I’m at home. I can have Daddy get someone to bring me back.”

~O~

We arranged to meet later in the week before school started back up, since I still had things to do at the House. The cleaners made short work of their job since they had the equipment and the manpower. I always remembered how long it took mom and us to do our own carpets at home. It was usually an all-day affair and we were dead tired afterward, especially me.

That brought on a frown at remembering my laziness back then. I freely admit I wasn’t the best son. My room could barely be called respectable since I had so many stacks of games everywhere. Once I played them through I used to just add it to the others and very rarely played it again, which in retrospect was a colossal waste of money.

About the only thing I did that could be called a chore was squash all my Mountain Dew cans and drop them in a trash bag so when I had enough I could take them down to the local recycling center and cash them in.

And here I was overseeing the maintenance of Society House on what was supposed to be a school break.

Kevin and Kayla are two totally different people. That becomes somewhat difficult to deal with whenever one of my old friends contacts me via email. It seems I can’t even think like Kevin did anymore. For example: Drew, one of my gamer friends, asked me if I’d mastered a new X-Box game that game out and I didn’t know what he was talking about.

I had to actually go look it up and sit for a minute to remember how it felt to play. I shot off a return email letting him know I was busy at school and never got the chance to play anymore. At the end I wrote, ~Love K.

I always do that at the end of my posts, and it wasn’t until after it was sent that I realized what I did.

He doesn’t really email me anymore.

~O~

“Mr. Williams,” I said with a judicious amount of surprise as I opened the door to see him standing there.

Carrie was behind him with a tentative smile on her face.

“Kayla, it’s good to see you again.”

I stepped aside. “You too, sir. Would you like to come inside?”

He gave me a brisk nod and stepped in while Carrie wrestled with the one suitcase that she brought home with her for break. Looking at her with fresh knowing eyes, I still couldn’t tell that she was once a boy. It was because she was so tiny. I mean I’ve known short boys; I am one. However, she couldn’t have broken the scale at a hundred pounds if she tried. I was guessing she weighed in somewhere in the low nineties, maybe.

“It’s so quiet,” Mr. Williams commented.

“Most of the girls won’t be returning until the weekend, sir.”

“Ah, quite so. Carrie, why don’t you take your suitcase to your room and let Kayla and I have a few words.”

I glanced at my protégé and gave her a minute nod saying it was okay before she dragged her luggage up, one stair at a time. The girl had no muscle tone whatsoever.

Waving toward my small office, Mr. Williams took the lead. I rounded the desk and unlocked the one drawer where I kept my important files. Retrieving the charge card, I set it on the edge of the desk, along with a thick clip of receipts of the purchases I made for Carrie.

“You should find everything there, sir.”

He looked at it for a moment before pocketing the receipts. “Are you sure I can’t talk you into holding onto that. I don’t feel right taking advantage of your aid for Carrie.”

Shaking my head I said, “I couldn’t do it and feel good about myself, really. If I was in the same situation I hope that someone would help me out the same way without putting a price tag on it.”

He nodded and then pocketed the card as well while I finally breathed a sigh of relief. Having that card in my possession was nerve-wracking. I wanted to keep it safe, but the only way to do that was to keep it with me, and if it was with me then there was always the temptation to use it. My chest felt lighter just knowing that it was finally in the possession of the rightful owner.

“How about the House? Are you in need of anything I might be able to provide?”

With a short giggle I shook my head. “There’s still a good amount left from your first donation, sir. We’re doing fine.”

Mr. Williams really seemed dissatisfied with my answer and it made me think of Carrie’s description of him always throwing money at problems or use it as a solution for everything.

“Carrie told me that you weren’t informed about her gender status.”

“No, sir. It wasn’t really my place to know. Mrs. Burke mentioned problems earlier in her life, but we both thought it should remain private unless Carrie wanted to say something to me personally.”

His eyes measured me, thoughtfully. “And now that you know?”

I was confused. “What? I’m afraid I don’t understand your question.”

His lips thinned and I could have sword I saw an eye twitch. “Now that you know Carrie’s gender status how does this affect your relationship with her?”

“Oh, it’s doesn’t.” I may have let loose with a short lived chuckle. “She’s still the same person. We may have more subjects to talk about, but that’s about it.”

Then it dawned on me that she never told her father my particular gender status, and the whole conversation made much more sense. My not so secret secret was still relatively intact.

~O~

“What did you two talk about?” Carrie asked as she watched her father drive away.

“About what you’d expect.”

She clutched her punk teddy bear close to her breast. It was starting to look overly worn. Its clothes were frayed and its head overly picked at as Carrie was wont to do when she was nervous. I could always tell when she was nervous about something as she always had the teddy in her clutches to fuss over.

“Did you want to help me fix some sandwiches for lunch?”

Carrie nodded and followed me into the kitchen.

“So,” I said as I pulled apart at the lettuce and she toasted our bread. “When did you know about me?”

She glanced over at me and then looked down at her work. “Pretty much when I met you. It’s easy if you know what to look for, but you’ve gotten really good with your makeup and clothes now. It’s a lot harder to tell.”

I gave a soft snort. “Well, I guess that’s good. It just makes me wonder how many other people know and never said anything.”

“From what I’ve seen, people that aren’t familiar with transgender girls know that something’s off, they just can’t figure out what it is. We’re lucky that we were shortchanged when they were passing out testosterone on the day we were made.”

I chuckled at her joke.

“Anyway, I’ve been on blockers since I was twelve and on hormones for almost as long.” She frowned and looked down at herself. “I just never grew anything. Mom is the same way in the chest area. I don’t have high hopes of ever having any real breasts to speak of. That’s one of the reasons why I was dressed the way I was.”

Shaking my head, I still didn’t get it until she explained.

“I’m just stuck looking like a kid, well, for the most part. The doctors wouldn’t increase my hormones because it would kill my liver or raise my risk for other problems, so my only choice was plastic surgery and I didn’t want to do that. So I gave up, stopped taking the pills and the shots, reverted to my in-between form and started doing bad things.”

“Oh,” I said, not knowing what else to say.

We finished making our small meal and sat at the table to eat.

“Then I met you and seriously thought you read me as a guy wanting to be a girl and encourage me to be who I really wanted.”

She made it sound like it was all for nothing, sort of. “Carrie. I really didn’t know, and I really don’t think it makes any difference. What I said then still holds true today. Girls — the category you fall into — should be feminine. It doesn’t matter if you’re flat-chested, or have no butt, overly tall, or have mustache problems. You should try your best with what you have.

I got a small smile for that one. “It’s kind of easy to say when you’re as pretty as you are.”

A scoffing sound erupted from my throat. “You haven’t seen me without all the fineries, Carrie. I’m scary.”

“I’m sure that’s not true.”

I shrugged. “Okay, maybe not scary, but I’m very plain. I have no body to speak of either. All of this is padding and prosthetics.”

She tilted her head to the side, looking at me. “You’re not on any hormones?”

“Nope, not yet anyway. My therapist is dragging her heels and it’s starting to annoy me. She thinks I’m brainwashing myself into being a girl. She hasn’t exactly come out and said that, but I can read between the lines. I supposed to work though some issues I have before she’ll give the okay.”

“I think it’s time to find a new doctor. I could hook you up with mine.”

“There are only two doctors in town that are covered under my dad’s insurance and I don’t want a male doctor.”

Her face moved in a look I was familiar with right before she offered to pay for something or gift me with something, so I gave her a warning look right back.

“I really wish you’d let me or Daddy do something for you, Kayla.”

I smiled at her. “You’re throwing money at the problem, Carrie.”

Her face turned pink at hearing her dad’s bad habits were rubbing off on her as well.

“I want to earn my own way.”

She nodded, finally understanding.

When we were almost finished, Carrie’s bear found its way into her lap again and I readied myself for the one subject that was left unspoken, but she never said anything. It was the one real reason that I wanted to talk to her to begin with. I had a boyfriend and I was pretty happy with him. Introducing her into the mix would only make things very complicated.

It wasn’t that I didn’t find her pretty. Carrie was very cute. However, even if I wasn’t with Brandon, I didn’t really think of her in that way. She was like my kid sister.

Yes, it’s an awful thing to say considering how she felt about being so juvenile looking. I’d never say anything to her regarding that, but something needed to be said, because I didn’t want to lead her on. Unrequited love is an absolutely horrible emotion to deal with.

After she put her plate and glass in the dishwasher, she turned around to me and opened her mouth, but closed it just as fast. I wanted to take that opportunity to open the topic only to realize that it would hurt her so much and I didn’t want to do that to anyone.

She just gave me a generic smile and then retreated up to her room.

Putting it off was only going to make things worse. Maybe I was a coward because I didn’t confront her about it, but then again maybe I just wanted her to be happy in some miniscule way. I mean it wasn’t like she was throwing herself at me. I didn’t even have a clue Carrie liked me until she tripped herself up on accident.

So, I made a decision, right there, that I wasn’t going to say anything about it unless she approached me. If she wanted to return to the way things were then I was willing to act like I wasn’t the object of her affections.

Though there would be no more putting lotion on my bare legs in the future.

~O~

Dear Ms. Konstantine,

I would like to meet with you, in private, regarding your recent decision to consider new members regardless of their birth gender. I’ve included an online application for membership in PDF form as required. Due to personal reasons, which I can explain in person, I cannot arrive in feminine dress.

I simply ask that you don’t discount my commitment to the values of the Society House charter because of this. I truly want to become a member and desire the opportunity to prove this to you.

Sincerely-

April Kellogg

It’s funny what you can find in your New Email box.

Taking note of the phone number, I picked up my landline in my office and made the call.

“H-hello?”

I tried to sound as casual and comforting as I could. “Hello, this is Kayla Konstantine calling for April Kellogg.”

It was a little formal, I know, but considering the circumstances I thought it was appropriate.

The male voice lifted up a tad in pitch. “Speaking.”

“Hi, April. I received your email and if you can make it up to Society House today, we can have a fairly private chat; otherwise, we’ll have to schedule an appointment after the school year ends. All other times are fairly busy around here.”

“Um….” There was a lengthy pause then it sounded like she’d made her decision. “I can be there in fifteen minutes, if that’s okay.”

That surprised me. “Oh, you’re already on campus?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

I giggled. “Just Kayla is fine, April. I’ll warn you that there is one other person at the house besides myself, but she’s friendly. So there’s no need to worry about our privacy.”

“O-okay.”

“Alright, well, I’ll see you in fifteen minutes then.”

~O~

When we disconnected, I called up and let Carrie know the situation and to ask her not to interrupt considering the delicacy of the situation. She was almost excited and promised she had more than enough to keep her busy in her room for the next hour or two.

I pulled up the application and reviewed it. Since it was official, the name of Harrison Kellogg with April in parenthesis stood beside to let me know it was the correct one. Her GPA was impressive at 3.85 as a Junior, her field of study was Engineering, and her ability to pay wasn’t in question.

We didn’t have many requirements for inclusion. The ability to follow the charter rules was primary; everything else was determined by an interview with me. If I thought that an applicant was serious and not just looking for a cheaper residency, or some other odd motivation, then they’d be accepted. It was as simple as that.

The doorbell announced a visitor and I made my way to the front. I wasn’t really dressed for business, but I was always at my best for socializing.

Taking a peek though the side window, I wasn’t that encouraged by what I saw, but promised myself to see it through. Opening the door, I smiled.

“Hi, Kayla,” he said shyly. “I’m April… sort of.”

I changed pronouns, I know. The reason is because April presented himself as a man. It’s confusing when facing this sort of dilemma, so I tried to offer a compromise.

“Would you feel more comfortable going by Harrison for your interview?”

He smiled weakly. “I guess it would be better if I did since I’m dressed this way. Harry, please.”

Holding out my hand, I smiled brighter. “Welcome to Society House, Harry.

~O~

Once we were in my office and seated, I took in Harry appearance and tried to overlay April on top. It was difficult, but I could see some work already performed. His eyebrows were thinner than most guys and they were well groomed. His nails were a touch longer than average men’s and there was a thin coat of non-reflective polish to top. He could easily pass for a guy that was conscious of his appearance. I appreciated that.

Other than those observations, he was tall, maybe around six feet in height, a lot of it being in his legs, and not overly muscled, but I could see he was tone. His hair was just above his shoulders in an ambiguous style. If I had to guess, I would assume he’d been hiding himself for quite some time.

“So…” I said.

His eyes never met mine and judging by the rosy look on his cheeks I could tell he was fighting himself to just run away at best possible speed.

Grasped in his left hand, Harry held a leather portfolio which he opened and withdrew a picture.

“This is the real me.”

Truthfully, it was awful. The girl had no femininity, but she held promise.

“I know I’d need to have some better clothes than that…”

Very true, in the picture April was wearing some short shorts, very high transparent heels, and a baby tee, all of which had gone out of style a decade or more ago.

“… but I’ve been building a more realistic wardrobe that’s more practical, and I have the money to get more if there’s someone here that might be able to help me.”

Handing the picture back, I tried to remain positive. “Harry, I’m going to be truthful with you. We’re not here to build you into a woman. We’ll be more than happy to take a woman and help her along the way, but…”

The look on his face told me I was kicking a puppy or something equally as bad.

“What I’m saying, honey, is that you’ll be a woman twenty-four hours a day for as long as you’re with us. You mentioned that for personal reasons you couldn’t come here dressed properly. There must be no doubt in your mind about what is to come. There is no part time feminization here.”

He nodded, almost encouraged. “That’s what I want. I’ve been in therapy for over a year and we came to the decision that I need to move forward. This would be my life test. Do you… do you know what that means?”

Leaning back in my chair, I almost giggled. I was living my life test. “Yes, I do. So what are you waiting for, Harry?”

He grimaced. “I live in a dorm. It’s not possible for me to start until the summer. I know you don’t take residents until a new term starts, and I begin my hormones treatments in April…”

“So this will be for the Fall term?”

Harry licked his lips and finally looked up at me with the prettiest sea green eyes. “Summer if you’ll let me. Once I start, I can’t go back home.”

I winced, not for the summer session; I’d be there for that, but for his home life. Knowing some horror stories already, I could only imagine what his home life would be like when April made her appearance.

“You’re sure about this. Once April moves in, Harry won’t be around again. If he is then that means you’ll have to leave. There won’t be any second chances. You will be totally immersed in femininity, no boy clothes, no days without makeup, and you will have to look your best at all times.”

Reaching into his portfolio again he withdrew a letter and handed it to me.

“That’s from my psychiatrist. I asked her to write something up that will let anyone I know that I am very serious about this and that in her opinion I am an excellent candidate for GRS which I’ll be going through after my life test is over.”

I set it aside and leaned in. “Oh sweetheart, your life test will never be over. That’s why it’s named that way.”

~O~

Brandon wrapped his arms around me as I sat on his lap that evening and snuggled into his neck. Austin wasn’t going to be there until Sunday which meant that the weekend was ours.

“Do you regret dating me?” I asked, knowing the issue of our sex life was still left unresolved after four months of dating.

He chuckled. “I really wish you’d relax about this sex thing. I don’t mind waiting.”

I sighed. “I just keep working you up with no relief.”

“I have relief. It’s just manual instead of other ways.”

Resting there, I ran my hand across his cheek feeling the barest hint of stubble, and it let me relax, knowing I was safe and content for the moment.

By the time the college games were over I had fallen asleep and had to be nuzzled awake, which I highly recommend. I giggled and leaned back, warm and relaxed.

“It’s almost nine,” Brandon said. “Let me take you home.”

Once we untangled ourselves from his chair, he made haste to the bathroom while I checked myself over in a mirror to make sure I didn’t look hideous.

When he returned five minutes later, Brandon’s face was flushed, and I almost frowned knowing what he was doing. The only thing that kept me was that I knew he was denying himself so that I wouldn’t worry about his fidelity.

You may be asking yourself why I wasn’t partaking of other means, like the other girls. The truth was, I wanted to, and I was allowed to, if I kept to the letter of the contract I signed. However, it wasn’t in the spirit of what I agreed to. Mrs. Burke was always in the back of my head as my conscious. The way that I looked at it was, what would I not mind her knowing I was doing with Brandon? If she walked in on us and we were snuggled up in his chair, or kissing, or even mildly petting, I wouldn’t be embarrassed, but if she were to see me doing other things, I would feel like I betrayed her. That wasn’t something I was ready to deal with.

In other words, I’d be a virgin, girl-wise, until school was over or I was married.

Brandon took my hand and we went down to his truck. After closing my door, he hopped in the driver’s side and I found my way next to him, getting as close as I could while I contemplated a little fantasy of being married.

It was cute and I could see it kind of happening. That meant I could see us in bed sleeping together, but that was about it. I had trouble seeing myself as the little woman, cooking his meals and taking care of the house while he was at work. I couldn’t even imagine a wedding with me in the dress, and that made me sad, because I couldn’t figure out why.

Sure, I could force an image of me in a frilly white gown, but it was just me; Brandon wasn’t there. I don’t think there was any meaning behind that besides that we had only known each other for a short while in the grand scheme of things. It just made me think that our relationship was pretty much stalled.

I may not have relayed very well all the conversations that we’ve had about all the facets of our lives. They were pretty run-of-the-mill once we’d gotten past the gender gap of our unusual relationship. We’d gotten to know one another and we were comfortable with where we were at. I just wasn’t able to see it going any further.

Perhaps that’s what my therapist was talking about when she hinted about my commitment to becoming a woman for the rest of my life.

I didn’t doubt that was what I wanted. My question was, is Brandon the one I was meant to share it with, and how was I supposed to know one way or the other?

Taking a step back, I looked at all the people in my life that I was attracted to or who was attracted to me. Carrie, Hannah, Austin, Brandon, they all had their good points. I discounted Carrie and Austin immediately because Austin wanted me to be a boy, and Carrie, well… I actually wanted to be the girl in the relationship. With her, there was no chance of that happening.

Hannah was up in the air because I didn’t even know her status on anything. Obviously she knew I liked her, but I didn’t know if she knew about what was under my skirt and if it would affect our relationship if something were to happen between us.

Brandon knew it all and was happy to be with me, even sacrificing his sexual activity to stay faithful.

I felt like a heel thinking about all of these things while he drove me home. It wasn’t like I could stop it though. How do you stop thinking about something that has its hooks in you?

When we reached Society House, Brandon walked me up to the door and gave me a kiss goodnight. Afterward, I hugged him and tried to picture us not doing this at the end of our dates, instead, going inside and slipping into bed together.

I could see that. I just had to realize a future, visualize it, and make it happen. I was good at that. I could do it.

TBC...