Rights retained by author  ©by Essarr Permission granted to Big Closet Exclusively

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Now that school is out we could be viewed as latch key kids. That is not exactly true because our parents are big on supervision. During the school year I had two hours between the final school bell and the time mom arrived home from work. Sure I could get in trouble in two hours. Plenty of kids had access to things like pot and worse. I did not get into trouble because our next door neighbor is Doctor Cox. As you know she is Traci’s mother. She is home everyday shortly after three and paid attention to what I was up to. When you are a doctor running your own shop you can control your hours.

You did not think this nerd got connected to three total babes like Traci, Pam and Becky because they were attracted to me, did you? We were thrown together because Emily Cox is buds with my mom. I had to report in every day and she knew what I was up to. The fact the girls attend Exeter Prep School should tell you their families are well off. Mr. Cox, owns his own auto and home owners insurance agency. To us, he is simply Mr. Cox. Ron is his first name but we kids never address him as such.

Pam’s mother works in real-estate. That alone should tell you the woman can reach out at any minute. Barbara Michaels is a nice lady but I hardly ever saw her. Mr. Michaels owns the local Honda Dealership. In fact dad bought his beamer there. I think his name is Fred. Becky’s parents are more aloof. Mike Williams is an accountant working for a Fortune Five-hundred company. Brenda Williams is one of the dinosaurs, a real stay at home mom. In fact she is a published author writing many romance novels. At least it is not self help. I shudder whenever I read one of those be all you can be books. The people who write them will drive you nuts. You know kind with the attitude we fly over country people are stupid. Like we need them to tell us eating Big Macs will make us fat.

Like I said supervision is everywhere. I cannot get away from it. I am amazed at how I manage to get away with little I had. On second thought, I get away with almost nothing. This summer the three girls all turn fifteen just as I do. Craig and Evan already reached that plateau. As I said the girls suddenly became close friends at the same time Craig and Evan drifted away. It is hard losing two close friends that did everything together. As I sit here in front of the vanity looking at my budding breasts I wonder if this is what chased them off. Very likely it is the same reason why the girls accept me. I like to kid myself thinking they do not worry about fighting over their hunk neighbor any longer. That thought is more satisfying than the notion my breasts had anything to do with it.

I finally did it after finishing my cleaning chores today. I tried on Traci’s school uniform. The look is excellent as the skirt and blazer fits well but the oxford material of the blouse scratches my chest. The blouse presents a terrifying outline because it enhances my bumps. The skirt is adorable because it is a soft combed gray wool. The pleats will be a pain because ironing is required to keep the creases neat. I did not want to press my luck and mess the uniform up so I quickly hung it back up. I can hardly wait to wear it. I washed and dried Traci’s clothes that I wore. The same ones I foolishly ran out the door wearing yesterday I planned on returning them today but an unusual problems arose. Consider the fact I am wearing the skirt Traci made for school that she gave me. All my micro fiber tees I bought clash with it. So I cannot go over to her house until I change. A white cotton tee and my running shorts is the best I can do.

I hurried back from Traci’s to check the roast then went upstairs where I hurriedly put her skirt back on. Well, it is my skirt because she did give it to me. I turn back down the stairs to finish dinner prep. It is four-thirty and my parents will be home soon. I hit the bottom step, glanced over my shoulder to see Evan on the porch. Cautiously, I open the door.

“How are you doing Jean-Marie? Yesterday you were out of it and I wanted to make sure you were ok.”

I noticed right off his eyes were focused on my pronounced chest. I am sure he noticed the rad skirt I was wearing but he remained focused in one spot.

“I am better.”

It was the best I could muster. I quickly added to my short response.

“I have to go up and change.”

I said that for two reasons. The first one should be obvious. My once best friend that hung out with me is suddenly looking at my legs. If that is not bad enough, my parents are due home soon. I am not ready for them to see the new me.

He started to follow me up the stairs an old habit I know.

“Do you mind? Wait down here please.”

He blushed managing “oh yeah.” With a snicker he added, “you look good why change?”

I pointed to the clock explaining my parents are still in the dark. It took forever to put the skirt back and fish out a micro fiber tee. I bought the things big for obvious reasons. I threw on the jeans and shirt then bounced down the stairs. Evan was waiting all smiles.

“You still look good and that shirt hides them well.”

I noted he sounded a bit disappointed but said nothing. Even when I caught him staring at my hips and rear.

“Jean-Marie your mom hasn’t figured it out yet?”

“This is hard enough do you have to keep reminding me?”

I steered him out into the kitchen where I checked the roast and the now boiling potatoes.

“You cook as well?”

I poked him in the shoulder while emitting a smile. It was then his expression turned serious.

“Jean-Marie this is serious. You better talk to your mom and figure this out because it is killing me.”

“Killing you!” I burst out. “How is it killing you?”

“Girl in case you have not figured it out I like you. I would really like to take you out. You know on a date.”

This hit me like a ton of bricks. My friend, my buddy, the guy, I hung around with, suddenly liked me in that way.

“Evan that is sweet and I would like nothing better. Really I would but not right now. It is complicated and I am freaking out. I mean how would you handle it if you woke up in the morning and found you grew tits?”

He did not want to laugh. He tried not to laugh. Those are the reasons I think that made him react the way he did. He hugged me. He buried his face in my shoulder whispering.

“I am sorry I did not mean to upset you.”

I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to tell him how much I cared. I traced my fingers along his cheek then smiled saying.

“I know.”

Mom and dad raved about the meal pleasantly surprised at my culinary prowess. Dad poked at his meal as if something is on his mind. He glanced at mother several times but still remained silent. Mom also ate pensively emitting her patented mother look toward dad as if at any minute she was going to burst. I am not the most together teenager but even I picked up on this. My thoughts focused primarily on flight. I doubted seriously that is an option.

After clearing the table and rinsing the dishes, I reached for the dishwasher. Mom’s hand on my shoulder spun me around stopping me.

“Jean-Marie, I have a check list which I will read to you. Today you have emptied the trash, ironed your father’s shirts. That is after you did the laundry. You cooked an incredible meal. You even mopped the kitchen floor, dusted and waxed the living room tables. Now you are about to wash the dishes. Is there something you want to tell us?”

Frozen in place I shook my head denying there was anything amiss. Dad stated firmly as if he were reading evidence. “I have not seen or heard from your friends, Craig or Evan in some time. You are with those girls everyday. I am proud of your honors grades and how you help mom around the house. I don’t have a single complaint. What puzzles me is why have you taken a sudden interest in feminine issues? You even have a vanity and look at your hair.”

Mom’s gaze changed from a mused smile to a frown signaling she is not happy with dad and how he phrased his concerns.

“What your father is asking dear is why the sudden interest in matters that concern girls?”

I did the only thing a hormonal teen girl could do. I started crying and ran up to my room. I fully expected one or two of them to follow me but nothing happened. I sat at the top of the stairs listening. Mom spoke softly to dad.

“Claude, I think you could have stated it better. I asked you to be gentle.”

“Simone, I was not hard on him. I asked questions trying to find out what is going on. I was so embarrassed yesterday I wanted to scream. When Emily suggested Jean-Marie needed a training bra I almost lost it.”

‘Shit, shit, shit” I thought, so that’s it.’ I crept closer to the stairs.

“Claude, she is only concerned that is all. Emily is an excellent doctor and she noticed the same thing I did. Jean-Marie’s breasts are enlarged. I told her what Doctor Allen’s PA said. Jean-Marie has not started puberty yet and prescribed hormones to get it started. She told me the puffiness is natural. She also told me she gave him some salve and Jean-Marie reported the rash has gone.”

“I do not understand his thinking.” The boy has a puffy chest and a rash. He should have told us.”

“Would you tell your father if you had puffy breasts or even your mother? I will make another appointment with Dr. Lewis for a review of the treatments. If things get worse, I will call Emily. You know she will come right over.”

I could hear mom approach the stairs and I rushed back to my room.

“I hear you in the hall Jean-Marie. I am coming up to talk to you.”

“Oh shit, now what?”

I said that aloud and I bet she heard me. I went into my room anyway burying my face into the pillow. Mom sat on the end of the bed rubbing my back.

“Honey turn over I need to see.”

I shook my head refusing burrowing deeper into the pillow crying noticeably. Mom rolled me over staring down at me.

“Lift your shirt please.”

The good part is I am laying on my back which causes my breasts to be at their minimum. Mom looks down at me her eyes as wide as I have ever seen them. There is no way a woman does not know what teenage breasts look like. Teenage girl breasts I mean. I took a deep breath eyes still streaming droplets of water.

“Oh honey why didn’t you tell me? It does not matter, in your shoes I would have done the same. When I was a girl I hid my growth from my parents as well.”

“Mom they are not supposed to do this.”

Mom still smiling this time with a gentle compassion. She tries to reassure me.

“Emily said since you are taking hormones to start puberty this is natural. Things will return to normal before long. We have a problem so dry your eyes and fix your hair we are going out.”

Here we are standing in the misses department again. It was after father went nuts when mom told him her intentions. The sales girl came over asking how she could help us. Mom’s answer nearly freaked me out.

“I need my daughter measured for a training bra.”

The woman smiled having heard this request many times while a girl stood by blushing. The blushing girl is me not an onlooker. When I talk fast I confuse people sometimes. I poked mom and mouthed ‘daughter?’

“Step over here to the dressing room.”

We followed with mom whispering to me, “would you rather I said son?”

Blushing even more as I removed my now favorite micro fiber shirt I faced the woman. She quickly wound the tape around me then exited the room. She came back with a size thirty-two a.

“This should be a good fit dear. Buckle it front then twist it around.”

I did as she said amazed at how comfortable it felt. I wanted to scream at the embarrassment but simply smiled saying it is good. I asked mom as I turned around, “do the straps show? Can anybody see it?”

Mom assured they could not and bought three or four. Even my micro fiber had a hard time hiding the bumps which increased my worry. Mom tried to tell me they did not show. I wanted to believe her while I maintained my suspicions. When we got home dad did not appear to notice which generated a whisper from mom.

“I told you so.”

That was my harrowing experience the first week of June. Not that it got any better anytime soon. I insisted I did not want a birthday party. I did not wish to get any presents from people who felt obligated. I especially did not want anything suggesting girl. What you want and what you need are often two different things.

Three or four days after my birthday, Doctor Cox and Traci showed up. Fortunately, my parents were not home. Here was the late birthday present I did not want. Doctor Cox insisted I open it up. It is the most amazing chocolate wool wrap around skirt with a matching cream colored camisole silk top. My eyes bugged out as I held them against me. Panic would set in later. I admired my growing wardrobe that consisted of two skirts and camisole blouse. I do not count several pair of girl jeans. There is that uniform in the closet.

That evening the phone rang I could hear my mother acting all girly growing giddier by the minute. I heard her final comment.

“Jean-Marie will find it an interesting event to say the least.”

I shuddered thinking what now. It was not long before I got the word. When I entered the living room dad was laughing suggesting to mom this will not go over too well. Mom shrugged with that you never know expression. I sat on the sofa catching myself before crossing my legs in girl mode.

“Jean-Marie, Doctor Cox invited you to join her and Traci for an evening on the town. They are going to Dallas to see the symphony perform Swan Lake.”

I looked at mom with my whatever expression while dad laughed.

“I told you. He would not be impressed.”

“What do you think honey? It will be the three of you. After the performance, Emily is bringing you for dinner at a fancy restaurant. You will stay the night in a hotel. You will have to dress up. I will lay out your suit Saturday morning before we leave.”

Mom’s words suddenly struck me. Did she say ‘Before, we leave’ they are going somewhere?’ This may not be the end of the world just yet.

“Where are you going?”

“Father thought since you have a chance to expand your cultural horizons we could go into the country for a quiet weekend. We are going to enjoy pampering at a bed and breakfast”

“So you won’t be here to see me off?”

I asked more as a panicked fear of how Doctor Cox would react to me in a suit. I am afraid they will insist upon seeing their son go out the door in a suit. The plan appeared to be Mom and Dad are leaving at nine in the morning while Doctor Cox will pick me up at eleven. They want to see me in my suit before they go. I dodged another bullet but I wonder how long I can keep this up before my heart attack.

The phone rang, it was Traci.

“Are you going?”

Her excited voice instantly became contagious and I joined in sounding as much as girl as her.

“Of course, I would not miss it for the world. What are you going to wear?”

I should have not said that because mom definitely demonstrated a tick in her eye. She stared at me listening intently. I toned down my enthusiasm.

“Jean-Marie, I hope you are planning to wear the outfit mom gave you.”

She was enjoying this too much. I could hardly wait for what is coming next.

“I have the most amazing cocktail dress you can borrow for the performance.”

“Are you shitting me!”

Mom yelled her disapproval of my choice of words. I pressed on.

“You, don’t want me to wear my suit?”

Traci caught on quickly figuring my mom could hear.

“Let me talk to your mom.”

I handed the phone off and mom listened to Traci agreeing with her. When she got off the phone she turned to me.

“Traci is right as it is a long drive. Her mother suggested you wear comfortable clothes and change at the hotel. Pack your suit carefully and wear your jeans or whatever.”

I nodded my agreement before saying goodnight. After I went to my room I did not hear my parent’s conversation. It is just as well because I would have freaked.

“Simone, aren’t you a bit concerned about this?

The woman considered her husband’s question.

“Concerned, why should I be concerned?”

Claude raised his brows as he answered.

“Our son is going to a ballet while his breasts are appearing a bit more feminine every day. His mannerisms are girlish and he has adapted to housekeeping more than any boy I know.”

“Claude it concerns me, however, a bit of culture will not hurt him. I know what you mean about his mannerisms. The breasts concern me but the Doctor assures me that issue will work itself out.”

I will not go into the details because ballet is something you need to see not read about. Traci and I had a great time and her mother was in another world. She thoroughly enjoyed showing culture to a pair of teen girls. To protect my cover I had to wrinkle and smudge my suit a bit. Every mother could tell at once if I had not worn it. I must admit the waiter at dinner fussed over us calling me young lady. He was a college student I guessed and more than once I caught him checking me out.

I had no sooner got back and Pam was on the phone.

“I hear you looked smashing in your LBD.”

“My what?”

“Little black dress silly it is a basic requirement for every girl.”

I blushed when she said that. There is a lot I need to learn.

“Yes, it was I admit it looked terrific. The problem is the guys, they were literally drooling.”

“Jean-Marie you are going to have to get use to it. They will be all over you. You do like guys don’t you?”

After she considered what I said she added or should I say threw out the red meat?

“Jean-Marie you said it was a problem. What I mean is you did not seem to think guys drooling was a problem last night. That waiter nearly had a heart attack checking you out.”

I blinked at that never thinking about it before. That is not true he did not check me out. I do not fantasize over guys. I did think Dave was a hunk and Evan turned me on. The waiter, sure he is cute. Now that I think about it I saw Traci naked and could not generate a stiffy. But then again the monster has almost disappeared. It seems to be retracting into that strange crease. I sometimes wake up with my fingers in there, Weird, I know what about me is not?”

Since I took so long answering having lost in my thoughts, Pam repeated her question.

“You do like guys don’t you?”

“Pam, I think I do. You girls sure as hell don’t turn me on.”

“I am glad to hear that. See you tomorrow we have a lot to talk about.”

I wore my skirt that Traci made with the yellow camisole. My wardrobe is limited. Evan talked me into going to the movies on a Saturday night. Don’t ask how I planned on getting back into the house without being seen. It was a chick flick as they call them. About midway through the movie I felt his hand on my knee. Then his arm around my neck and his lips suddenly found mine. I did not see the remainder of the movie.

As we walked home who do we run into but Craig and Monica. Craig had this disgusted look on his face when he said to Evan.

“What do you think you are doing?”

Evan kept his cool as he calmly answered Craig.

“As I recall we were the three musketeers and Jean here was your best friend.”

He emphasized the American pronunciation of Gene making it sound as a shortened version of Jeanette. It caught Craig flat footed. I thought for a minute this would get ugly. I knew what happened to me scarred the hell out of Craig. It could have been him and he knew it. I believe guilt about the screwed up game is why he suddenly avoids me. Evan agrees with me on this speculation. It was Monica who broke the ice.

“Jeanette is such a lovely name. I have seen you around town are you dating Evan now? Craig honey she is pretty.”

Craig laughed at the thought of his rough and tumble buddy being pretty. He took a long look at me.

“Everything is cool Evan is lucky to be with you. See you later, and call me.”

Of course, I did not call Craig and he did not call me. Our long time friendship was at an end and we both knew it. As for Evan, I am not sure. He says all the right words and shows me respect but there is something out of sorts. What am I developing feminine intuition as well?

Evan walked me home and we kissed good night. He said he would call me but I am not going to hold my breath. As soon as he was out of sight I ran into the garage changing into my boy clothes.

That is basically how the summer went. When mom and dad were at work I dressed like a girl. My cooking skills got better and better. My mother was pleasantly surprised with that aspect. She was also thrilled with being relieved of laundry detail. She even shamed my father into taking over the law mowing detail. She went so far as to list everything I did claiming I did enough around here. Dad grumbled but mom finished it.

“We, girls have to stick together.”

I tightened up hearing that comment. ‘What does she know?’ I had not dated Evan a second time though we talked several times. Becky is convinced Evan is totally gone on me. Totally gone was the way she put it. I did not know how to regard it. I have concluded my preference is toward boys. I deny any notion I am gay. As I look at myself in the mirror I see a girl. To be truthful I am very angry about this in between situation.

Mom made an appointment for me to see Dr. Lewis for my follow up during a time she was working. She told me, I could go by myself. She will meet me there and talk to the doctor. I was sorely tempted to wear a skirt but chickened out.

I did not see the PA this time. Dr. Lewis saw me himself. It seems to me the man is at least eighty years old. But to be fair he is not quite that far gone. He had me undress and did not seem surprised I was wearing a training bra. I wondered about that but did not say anything. He thumbed through my papers reciting the name of the medication prescribed by the PA. I do not remember the woman’s name. They are all the same to me.

He measured my chest muttering while writing something down.

“You must be pleased, when you last came in your bust measured thirty-two a. You are now a b-cup young lady. Have you started menstruating yet my dear?”
”

‘He thinks I am a girl’

“Of course not I am a boy.”

Doctor Lewis raises his white bushy eyebrows and patted me on the knee.

“You have quite a sense of humor. I take your answer to mean you have not.”

Once again I balked not knowing how to respond. I shook my head again indicating I had not. He had me sit up on the gurney or reclining table chair. I do not know what you call the thing. The next thing I know I am laying down and he is listening to my stomach with his stethoscope. Next he examines my monster which leads me conclude he will figure out I am a boy after all. To my surprise he tells me my clitoris inflammation has almost disappeared. It is still a bit enlarged it should be normal sized in a few more days.

He felt around the outer edges of my deepening crease. Making as offhanded comment there was nothing unusual. He asked me if I ever had an internal exam. Puzzled, not knowing what he was talking about I told him no. He tells me to get dressed concluding with something I did not understand.

“Internal exams can be quite uncomfortable. I, don’t see the need to put you through it unless, have you been having any discharges down there?”

“You mean like oozing stuff no I have not, never.”

The Doctor chuckled.

“That is what I mean.”

A minute later mom walked in.

The nurse drew some blood tests the doctor wanted. I hate it when they stick me to draw blood. Mom asked about my breasts clearly not liking the answer. He told her I was progressing normally and not to worry.

On the way home mom stopped at the drug store and sent me inside to pick up my refill. The pharmacists was nice but freaked me out with her comments.

“Honey have you started your monthlies yet?”

I blink this mess has me blinking a lot. My answer is truthful enough with a simple “no.”

She smiled when she said.

“I thought not this estrogen regime should get it started soon. I must warn you if it does not before you need another refill get a second opinion.”

I thanked her promising to tell my mom what she said. Of course, I am not going to. They are giving me estrogen no wonder I am effed up. My mind is racing the pills are turning me into a girl. That is not true everybody who knows anything will tell you that is bull. I guess I will keep taking them.

Taking a break from my story I look into my vanity while my parents keep yelling downstairs. I see a pretty girl looking back at me. I thought about senile Doctor Lewis and the pharmacist and laugh. I did not understand at the time my crease looked like a vagina. What the hell I never saw one. It just looked like a crease formed by fatty tissue because my balls had not dropped. I thought it was because there was one testicle on each side. Like they were squeezed forming a ridge with a crease behind. Just so you know why I did not say anything. I bet you are laughing at the stupid kid right now. It is not funny. The voices from downstairs are growing quiet I expect they will come for me at any minute. I better get back to my story. It would not be fair to leave you guys in the lurch.

Two weeks later mom is sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and talking to Doctor Cox. When I came in from my run with Traci, I heard the last of mom’s comment.

“Doctor Allen reports the blood tests came back normal. I do not know what to do.”

“Well Simone breast development appears normal from what I can see.”

Mom did not like that answer and her gaze is doubtful. My mind nearly exploded waiting for mom’s expected, but not for a boy. Traci was quick, real quick when she said interrupting.

“Mom don’t you think another opinion is needed or an MRI or something?”

That quieted my mother preventing the expected reaction. Dr. Cox answered in an assured voice.

“Simone I know you are concerned and rightly so. I love Jean-Marie like my own daughter. I know you are busy so I will drive Jean-Marie to my office in the morning and do a full exam. Will that make you feel better?”

My thoughts focused on Dr. Cox’s wording, “like my own daughter.” I considered still watching for mom’s reaction. My God, I thought ‘mom took that to mean Dr. Cox loves me like she loves her own daughter’ I am not sure if that is what she meant but it got by mom.

Mom exhaled slowly obviously relieved.

“Would you Emily? I cannot thank you enough. I should go with you. They can find a replacement.”

“Simone go to work. Jean-Marie looks perfectly healthy and if anything is seriously wrong you will know at once.”

That seemed to settle it at least when Dr. Cox finds out the deception it won’t be in front of my mother. My thoughts were broken by Traci who dragged me up to my room.

“Strip.”

My eyes flashed wide as my voice pleaded no.

“Are you kidding? Strip in front of you?

Traci stares at me with a stern countenance.

“Girlfriend I have seen the penis before. I never told you but Bill Wakely, remember him?

My answer as I rolled my eyes muttering comes back in the affirmative.

“He is nothing special. On my only date with him, he pulled it out expecting me to do something to it. I laughed saying it is too small even to consider. I thought he was going to lose it. Needless to say there was no second date. Now take off your jeans and panties.”

I did not like her emphasis on the word panty. Who am I fooling she knows I prefer panties. Here I am laying on my back legs spread with a pretty girl looking at me. A lot of guys dream about this event. Why do I feel so put out?

Traci’s eyes narrow as she sees my monster. Then her fingers touch it like it is something deadly.

“Ewe your clit is inflamed.”

“That’s not my clit.”

“Really, do you expect me to believe that is a penis? It is what a quarter inch long, has folds and is pinkish.”

I flush red to the tenth degree as she continues to stare, feel and grin.

“I thought boys had balls?”

Now we are both laughing.

“I got balls they have not dropped yet. It is called late puberty you know the reason for the pills.”

That is when it got really weird. She squeezed my groin and I nearly jumped.

“I hate to tell you this girl but there are no balls there. Who told you that you were a boy a government doctor?”

Before I can react, she raised her skirt and dropped her panties. My eyes as any boy’s would flashed wide open.

“You tell me does that look any different than you?”

I protested but my crease looked like hers. Then Traci relieved my worries .

“When mom examines you, she cannot blame you for claiming to be a girl. You are a girl, fool.

They have been lying to you. What is your mother going to do? I am not going to guess.”

My world is closing around me causing me to fret asking, “what in hell am I?”