Synopsis: After witnessing the death of her father Jessica is emotionally scattered and trying her best to hold things together. Although the relationship that the two of then shared was unhealthy, she still loved him and watching him die had been almost more then she could handle.

Sarah Roberts had also taken the death of her husband hard. Their marriage might have been over, but she had still loved Jake Roberts. She felt bad that her daughter had to witness something so horrendous and was worried about her.

 

Chapter 5

 

I had been a little worried about visiting my grandparents for the first time, but those worries were soon put to rest after meeting and spending time with the both of them, especially my grandfather.

After Mom and Grandma left us alone and started making dinner, Grandpa and I had a chance to talk. He talked to me like I was an adult and not a child, and was straight forward and honest with me. Most importantly, he listened to me and didn’t judge me. Grandma was different but really nice, and I could see myself warming to her in time. I think that she was kind of like me, it always took me time to get to know someone and feel safe enough to open up to them. For the most part it had been a good visit for all of us and with everything that had happened, it was also a good distraction.

Mom and I stayed and had a nice dinner with my grandparents but soon it was time for us to go. After saying our goodbyes, Mom and I started the long drive home.

 

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As before, I spent a good percentage of the time watching the scenery and thinking about the upcoming camping trip with Amy and Tara. I really hoped that Scotty would join us. I would have to have a talk with him later. I just hoped that he wasn’t mad at me for not telling him about the kidnapping. I found myself feeling really tired and before I knew it I had slipped into a deep sleep and pretty much slept all the way home.

“Hey sleepy head, we’re home.” I heard Mom say.

I yawned and wiped the sleep from my eyes. “Sorry Mom, I guess I fell asleep.”

“It’s alright honey, you’ve been through a lot and you needed the rest.” Mom said, smiling.

“Last night I hardly slept at all.” I said, frowning as Mom and I made our way inside.

“I’ll give you something tonight to help you sleep, remind me before bedtime.” Mom said as she unlocked the door, and the two of us went inside the house.

Once inside, I headed off to my room and started working on my home work. I still had almost two months of catching up to do and I really didn’t feel like wasting my summer attending classes just to catch up. I knew that I could catch up, that wasn’t the problem but staying motivated was. It’s hard to concentrate on the school work when you thinking process is all over the place, but I continued and did my best.

I got up and turned on the radio and put it on the country channel, then returned to my desk and started working on my homework again. As I worked, a song came on the radio and I found myself singing along. It was called September, by Daughtry. I had always loved the song, mostly because of the man that sang it.

When I first saw him on American Idol, I thought he was the cutest guy I had ever seen and I couldn’t believe that he was voted off.   He never let it get to him; he just went on and made it on his own. That was the kind the person that I wanted to be. If you want something bad enough you just take it, and look at him now. Most people can’t even remember who the winner was that season.

 

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I decided that it was time for a break. I grabbed my phone, headed into the kitchen and grabbed a Coke from the fridge, then took it outside with me and took a seat on the front porch. It was 2:30 and classes were pretty much finished for the day but there was a game after class so Megan and Jennifer wouldn’t be home for awhile.  

The game wasn’t going to start for another half hour, and I could still make it if I borrowed Megan’s bike. I went inside and grabbed the keys to the lock and her bike helmet and told Mom that I was going to take a trip to the school to watch the game.

“You don’t have to bike Jessica, I really don’t mind giving you a lift.” Mom protested.

  “It’s alright Mom, I think it would be nice to get a little exercise.”

“Alright honey, be careful.” Mom said.

 

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After leaving home I made the short ride to Burnaby High. It felt good as I turned on to the bike trail, it had been ages since I had been out for a ride. I used to bike all the time when I was living as Andrew but hadn’t had a chance since I had become a girl. I used to take the trail all the time, but back then I had to always watch my back. It seemed like the bullies had only one mission in life, and that mission was to make mine a living hell.

Things were different now. I had a clean slate, and only a few people knew the person that I used to be and they loved me and would do anything that they could to protect me.   When I was boy things were different, I didn’t trust anyone and was socially outcast, but that felt like another lifetime now.

Looking back now, I could see the truth. Life is about taking risks, and the choices you make are the things that will mold you into the person you will one day become. I was full of fear and unable to make the choices, so I hid from them and tried to pretend that things were not that bad so I did nothing to change things. It might have been a stupid choice when I took that bottle of pills, and I was lucky that Megan had found me. I could have died, but that one stupid acted of desperation turned out to be my salvation.

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Chapter 6

 

I arrived at the school with about ten minutes to spare. After locking up Megan’s bike I made my way to the football field. I could see that everyone was pretty much there, getting ready for the game to start. I looked around and saw Megan and Jennifer along with the rest of the cheerleading team. They were doing stretching exercises on the other side of the field.   I couldn’t find Scotty, it was possible that he was still getting changed.

The stands seemed to be filling up quickly with students and parents from the home   and visiting teams. I slowly made my way over to where the cheerleading section was, thinking that I would watch the game from over there.

As I made my way over, I saw Britney and Natasha and waved to them. Britney gave Natasha a nudge in her tummy then she looked over my way and a big smile appeared on their faces. They came running over and met me as I entered the cheering section and I found myself being smothered between the two of them. After they stopped hugging me. Britney turned to me.

“We’ve been worried sick about you, how are you doing?”

“It’s a long story and I’m not ready to talk about it yet.” I said frowning.

“Well, when you’re ready we’re here for you Jessica.” Natasha said with a smile.

“I need a little time to sort things out myself, but thanks”, I said smiling

Britney and Natasha pretty much dragged me over to where the rest of the cheerleaders were.   When Jennifer saw me, she came over and gave me a big hug.

“How are you doing?” She asked in a concerned voice.

I smiled. “I’m better, but it’s going to take time, and I am going to need help.”

“Well, you know if you need anything Jessica, all you have to do is ask.” Jennifer said as she gave me another hug.

“I am surprised to see you here!” Megan said, as she approached me from behind.

“Yeah, I’m surprised I’m here too, considering I hate football.” I said with a smile.

“Got tired of hanging out at home, didn’t you?” Megan said with a smile.

“Actually, it’s been a busy day! I went to the hospital this morning, then Mom and I took a little road trip to see our grandparents.   I even got to feed their baby colt. You should see her, she is adorable!” I gushed.

“Well, it’s good that you got out of the house. I was worried you were going to take up permanent residence in your bedroom.” Megan said and gave me a hug.

Just before the game started, Megan introduced me to Mrs. Jennings, not that I didn’t already know who she was. I had seen her many times as Andrew, but I was Jessica now and had to let on that I didn’t know her, just to keep with the story that we had created to explain Jessica’s background.

“It’s nice to finally meet you Jessica. Britney and Natasha have told me a lot about you, when are you going to be able to join us?” she asked.

“Soon I hope, though I have a lot on my plate at the moment. There was a death in the family and I still need to sort things out. I’m still not completely healed from my surgery, so for the moment I doubt that I will be able to make every game, but I will be at most of the practices.” I said smiling

Mrs. Jennings smiled. “That’s fine Jessica, just let me know when you’re ready.”

“Alright Mrs. Jennings.” I agreed.

As I looked out onto the field, I could see our team finally making their way onto the field. There was really one player that I was there to see and that was Scotty, and when I finally saw him, I kind of felt these butterflies in my tummy. I had been missing him terribly over the last few days. I just hoped that he could make the camping trip, it would be great having him there with me.

After Scotty took his position on the field, I could see him looking around. When he turned my direction and saw me standing next to Mrs. Jennings, I could almost make out the smile on his face, if it hadn’t been for the football helmet that he was wearing. I smiled and waved to him. A few minutes later the game started and both teams seemed evenly matched, with neither side willing to give the other an inch. It was the time of year where every game mattered, especially if you wanted to get into the playoffs.

I had never really cared for the game, but I found myself getting carried away with everyone else as the game continued on. I even got angry when the other team started scoring goals.   It was toward the end of the game when the mood of the game changed. Brian managed to tie up the game and it went into overtime. Then the visiting team got the ball and was running for the end zone.

I started screaming with everyone else for our team to do something, then from out of nowhere there was Scotty, tackling the player who fumbled the ball. Cliff came running in just behind him and grabbed the ball. He somehow managed to run the ball back to our end zone and made the winning touchdown. The crowd went wild and everyone was excited, our team had just made the playoffs.

After the game finished, I ran out onto the field with most of the other girls that were on the cheerleading squad. Scotty came running over to me and it didn’t take long before I found myself in his arms and lifted off the ground. As his lips touched mine it was like my body was being zapped by electricity and I was loving every minute of it.

“I was so worried about you Jessica, don’t ever do that to me again!” He said as he kissed me again.

“I promise baby.” I said, kissing him back and holding him tightly against me.

“Can you stay Jessica? I’d like to have some time alone with you.” Scotty said with a smile.

“Sure honey, but I have Megan’s bike with me.”

“That’s no problem; we’ll drop it off then head over to Gallagher’s.” Scotty suggested with a smile.

“Alright, I’ll meet you out front, now go get into the shower, you really smell.” I said, giving him another kiss just before he ran off.

 

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After Scotty left, I ran over to Megan and Jennifer. “You guys heading over to Gallagher’s?”

“Yeah, we’re getting a ride over with Glen, what about you?” asked Megan.

“Scotty is driving me home to drop off your bike, then we’re heading over to Gallagher’s, I guess I’ll see the both of you there.” I said with a smile.

”Behave yourself Jessica, there is another game tomorrow and we need Scotty at 100%!” Glen said as he came over.

“I’ll try but I’m not making any promises.” I said, giggling

“Yeah really, Jessica! The two of you should have got a hotel room.” Megan smiled, referring to the little show that Scotty and I had just shown on the field.

“Well on the plus side anyone that didn’t know that the two of you were going out sure knows now.” Jennifer said with a giggle.

That caused a giggle fest between the three of us, but soon Megan and Jessica had to get going, as did Glen who headed off to the showers. I told them that I would see them at Gallagher’s, and made my way to the front of the school.

 

Chapter 7

 

As I waited in front of the school, I couldn’t help but feel funny inside. Here I was completely at ease, waiting for my boyfriend.   There was a time not very long ago that I would be leaving as fast as my legs could take me.

I was afraid to stick around because I knew that it wouldn’t be very long before I was hassled or worse, beat up.   Things sure had changed though. I had attended my first football game as a girl and actually enjoyed myself.

When I was younger my father and I used to go to football games and even baseball. I enjoyed spending time with him but I didn’t actually enjoy the games. As his drinking became worse, the two of us spent less time together, and when he did make time for me it usually ended badly.

Things are different now and the things that used to bother me just don’t seem to have the same power over me as they used to. I think that the difference is that I’m no longer consumed with self hatred and I can actually say I love who I am now, whereas before I couldn’t even look in a mirror without feeling disgusted.

I guess the biggest changes were my friends, compared to the lack of friends that I had as Andrew. To be honest, I had fallen into such a rut that being alone had become a normal part of my life, as were the conflicts in my family. It was a sad outlook on life and I couldn’t live that life anymore. I couldn’t live without my friends and family.

When it comes down to it nobody can, human beings we are not designed to be alone. It’s in our nature to seek out one another and form relationships, whether it is friendship or the love of a potential mate, or like the love I have received from my new family. They were most important thing in my life, because they loved me even when I was unable to love myself.

Even with everything that has happened to me I still have plenty to be grateful for and it would be those things that I hold on to. I would take the lessons from my past and find a way to use them in a positive manner. I would enjoy the life that I was given and the fact that I was finally the girl that I had always dreamed of being, and the fact that I was in love with an amazing guy.

I was lost in thought when I saw Scotty exiting the school and making his way over to me.

“You ready to get going babe?” He said with a smile.

“Sure, but don’t call me babe!” I said as I reached out and took hand.

 

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After dropping Megan’s bike off at home, Scotty and I headed over to Gallagher’s.   Scotty took the scenic route which gave us sometime to talk.

“Do you have any plans this weekend?” I asked him.

“Not really Jessica, I was hoping that the two of us could get together and do something, though.”

“Amy and Tara invited me to spend the weekend with them camping. It would be nice if you were able to join us.” I said smiling

“Hmmm, let’s see. A weekend with three beautiful women, or playing games with the guys, tough choice.” Scotty said with a frown and was rewarded with a punch in the shoulder. This made him laugh.

“Alright, if you can’t make it that’s fine. I’m sure that Glen would be more then willing to spend the weekend with three beautiful women.” I said with a devilish smile.

“Let’s not be hasty, Jessica. I guess that I have no choice but to join you.” he said with a smile.

“Do you always have to be such a smartass Scotty?” I said with a smile

“Yeah, but you love me all the same.” he said as he slipped his arm around me and I found myself cuddling up to him.

“Your right about one thing.” I said seriously.

“That’s a first!   A woman actually admitting I’m right about something, so what is it that I am right about Jessica?”

“That I love you.” I said calmly as I placed my head on his shoulder.

 

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“I thought I knew what love was, but to be honest with you, Jessica, I was wrong. What I have felt in the past was infatuation not love, at least until you came into my life and showed me what loving someone really means!”

“I think about you all the time Jessica, and when you’re not with me it feels like part of me is missing, and I hate that feeling. When you are with me, everything is perfect. I know that we haven’t been dating that long, but I asked my mom a question when the two of us started dating. I wanted to know how you would know if you really loved someone. She said that you would know and there wouldn’t be any doubts and when I look into your eyes Jessica, I just know.”

I looked over at Scotty. “I’ve always loved you. Maybe at first it was a stupid school girl crush towards the guy who protected me, but since that day I’ve dreamed of being with you and now that its happened, I feel complete but also scared to death.”

“Why are you scared Jessica?”

“Mostly because of my past, Scotty. Until recently, I really didn’t know what it meant to love someone, let alone be loved by someone. Let’s just say that my parents were abusive.”

“My father was an alcoholic and growing up the only time he even showed me love was when I did something that made him happy, and even then it was never enough. My mother was sexually abused by my grandfather and she held that pain inside all of her life. Because she was so caught up in her own pain, she was neglectful and because of all these things happening, plus my gender issues, I was a pretty messed up kid.”

“After moving in with the Tanners and seeing how a real family was, I was jealous at first, especially with the relationship Megan had with her parents. She had the love of both parents and it was unconditional and they spent time together as a family, sharing with one another, I know now that most families are like this, but when you come from a household like the one I grew up in you don’t really know about these things, the life you have seems normal. “

Scotty looked over at me. “I think you’re amazing Jessica. With everything that you have gone through in the past, you kept fighting, and that’s one of the things that I love about you Jessica.”

“We have the rest of our lives to worry about the future. Let’s just take things a day at a time. I’m not going anywhere and I don’t care about the past. All that matters to me is the here and now and at this very moment I’m with the girl I love and that is all that matters.” Scotty said with a smile.

 

 

End of Part 2

To be continued in part 3