Trick of the Mind — 47 & 48 by Maeryn Lamonte Melanie Ezell's big closet ultimate writer's challenge — Written From The Heart Thanks to Wren Erendae Phoenix for editing/proofing. “The rugby club is putting on a 'Top Of The League' ball next week to celebrate our success. The guys from yesterday were wondering if you'd like to be their dates for the night. That kind of includes you and Pete, Rich... er I mean Rachael. What do you say?”

-oOo-

“Go on, Rachael, please.”

“You can choose anything from my wardrobe.”

“Or mine.”

“Or mine.”

“Mine too.”

“Except that pink dress,” Dave chipped in, turning to Riana. “I was hoping you'd wear that for me again. Give me a chance too really appreciate you in it.”

It was tempting. I mean not the pink dress; way to revealing for me. But the chance to raid everyone else's wardrobe, that was something few girls could resist, and even fewer mixed up guys like me. I looked at Jen for her blessing, and her eyes were shining with hope and anticipation too.

“Alright,” I said, agreement met with whoops of excitement, and the inevitable exuberant bundle of girls. Even Riana deserted her man to show her appreciation. It was almost certain that she would have gone with Dave in any case, but there's added fun to be had when you get to go as a bunch of girls as well. Even I felt it.

Dave stayed on for a while longer, enjoying Riana's company while he could. I had a nagging doubt following me around still.

“Do you think it's fair of me to lead Pete on like this? I mean don't you think he could handle the truth?”

“Don't even think about it Rabbit. He's too much like me. He wouldn't take it well, and without all the months of friendship that we have, I doubt he would be half as restrained as I was.

“No, keep on playing the shy, quiet little mouse with a boyfriend back home. He'll get over being rejected eventually.”

“What if he wants to kiss me though?”

“Well that's entirely up to you, but if you do, you'd better not show up looking like Richard afterwards.”

Not exactly reassuring.

It was getting late, and some of us had lectures the following morning, including Dave. He waved goodbye to all of us and dragged Riana out into the hallway for a farewell snog.

-oOo-

The following evening I picked out a conservative dress from Helen's wardrobe. Apparently the free access to everyone's clothing started immediately and ran until the end of the party. Something to do with trying things out to find the best comfort and style for me.

This one was a navy blue, long sleeved jersey dress, with a high neckline and a calf length skirt. It looked just right on the hangar, if a little unexciting, but oddly enough, it stayed the same while I was wearing it. Jen had an evening thing doing a survey for a psychology practical, so she wasn't around to talk to. Looking in the mirror, I would hardly have called it breathtaking, but it was pretty and elegant. It seemed that my mind was adapting the hypnotic suggestion, now if only I could convince it that guy clothes were ok.

I put on a pair of dark tan tights, a little bit of borrowed jewellery and a minimum of makeup. Richard definitely wasn't present tonight, but neither was Rachael 'putting out'.

The doorbell rang and I let the two hulking prop forwards into the otherwise deserted house. Everyone else was next door as usual, but there wouldn't be a lot of peace and quiet there, and we would need that if I was to lead these two through the intricacies of standard deviation. Intricate by their standards I mean.

“Wow, you're looking pretty sharp tonight,” Pete said, causing me to worry that I had put in a little too much effort. “Dave told me that you agreed to go to the ball with me. I am very grateful.”

“Yeah, well don't go taking advantage.” I managed to make it sound at least part tease, for some reason not wanting to shut him out entirely. “Anyone want a drink before we get started?”

It took an hour and a half to go through everything. Pete was a quick study and understood what was going on long before Dave, but then between the two of us, we managed to carry him to the finish line. By the time we were done, we were all feeling pretty pleased with ourselves. Pete grabbed me in a hug and spun me round before remembering himself. It was exhilarating, but frightening too. I'd taken better care to tuck things away, but I lived with the constant worry that he would feel something he wasn't expecting to be there.

“I'm popping next door to see Riana. You two want to come?”

“I think so,” I said before Pete could come up with some excuse to keep me here. “I've had enough maths for one night.”

So we went, and Jen was back from playing with her human guinea pigs, and she looked at me with just a hint of jealously as Pete kept close with a gentle hand in the small of my back. I broke away from him and went over to ask how her experiment had gone. It seemed cruel to keep my back to Pete, but I didn't want to lead him on. Jen picked up pretty quickly, as she usually did, and before long she was telling me the funnier moments of the evening. Not that any stood out in particular, but the conversation served its purpose and Pete ended up chatting to Sandy and Becky until Dave decided they needed to be going and they ducked out with a final word of thanks to me.

“That dress suits you,” Helen said.

“Thanks, I was looking for something that was elegant but not flashy, you know, not too much skin showing.”

“It stayed the same?” Jen asked holding me back at arms length to look me up and down.

“Yes. I thought that was odd too.”

“I think it must have been all those psychotropic drugs you were on, kind of changed the emphasis of the suggestion.”

“Well the outfits it's been dressing me up in since I got out of hospital have all been pretty conservative, certainly compared to the way things were before. I have a feeling that since the experience, it's been responding to my desire for something safer if you know what I mean.”

“I guess so.”

Jen hadn't told the girls everything about the hypnotism thing, and neither had I. Nor did they have any real idea what had happened to me over the summer. The few less than subtle hints we'd just dropped were enough to rouse more than a little bit of curiosity, so Jen and I spent the remainder of the evening telling my story to a fascinated audience. There were hugs of sympathy from the entire room at each of the unpleasant parts, especially the hospital where I was still a bit shaky recalling what I'd gone through, and by the time we were finished talking, I had six freshly committed friends who I knew would stand by me in pretty much any circumstance.

In bed that night, I snuggled close to Jen.

“It's only you, you know?”

“What?”

“It's only you I'm interested in. I'm not turning into a girl, although if I did, I could probably go for Pete. As it is, all I want is you.”

She shuffled round 'til she was facing me and gave me a long heartfelt kiss.

“That's for being enough of a girl to notice, and for saying the right thing at the right time.”

She slotted herself into my armpit and rested her head against my chest. I didn't wear the loblollies in bed, even when I was wearing my pink satin chemise as I was then. It was more comfortable for both of us, especially when we were lying like this.

“You know I could quite go for you now?” Jen murmured.

“Wouldn't you rather wait?”

“A part of me would, but there are times like this when I just want to be as close to you as I can. When I want to feel you inside me.”

“I don't have any...”

“No, me neither. I wasn't suggesting anything, just wanted you to know how I felt.”

I get the sense that most guys would find that to be the most frustrating conversation they could have with a girlfriend, but it left me feeling warm inside.

We fell asleep like that, which meant my arm didn't wake up with the rest of me the next morning. It was worth it though, even when I had to endure the mother of all pins and needles attacks.

-oOo-

The weekend came round too quick, but I'd made good use of the others' selection of clothing, and in the end it was Helen's wardrobe that clothed me for the ball. Of all of us, she was the one who liked to keep herself covered up. Most of the time, you wouldn't know it, because she wore jeans and sweaters like the rest of the girls, but when she put on a dress, it almost always fell below the knee.

In any case, she had this amazing dark green evening dress. It was quite high over the bust, but with only one shoulder strap and nothing much covering the back, it still left a fair bit of skin exposed. What I loved most about it though, was the long, flowing, ankle length skirt. Everyone agreed it was perfect for me, and just the thing to make me look glamorous without seeming available. A white jacket from Jen's wardrobe would keep me warmish on the way, and a matching white purse would hold my necessaries.

There wasn't a lot we could do about the shoes. All the girls had smaller feet than me, and I didn't have anything of my own to match the dress, so I settled in a pair of black pumps Jen's mum had bought me out of her allowance. They had a three inch heel, which was as much as I was happy walking in. The girls gave me some practise dancing in them in them towards the end of the week, so I felt pretty confident by the time Saturday came round.

The guys went all out, renting a couple of limos and smart dinner suits. Dave and Pete went so far as to add bow ties, which I've always thought were a step too far for men or women. As it was, I was grateful it wasn't me trussed up like a turkey with a strangle-noose around my neck. I was losing the sense of oddness and wrongness about wearing a dress, and just enjoying it while I could. I did make an effort to tuck my bits out of the way and tape them in place, and that was as much constriction as I could stand, but I suspected that Pete would want to get close tonight, and I wasn't going to take any chances.

It was a truly wonderful evening, and I could see why the girls had been so keen for me to agree. The food was superb, and I would have loved to have eaten more. Still small bites and taking my time meant I probably tasted more of it than my date. I was half expecting the dancing to end up as a sort of disco scramble, but the rugby club had paid some of the third year music students to form a small orchestra. They serenaded us softly through dinner, then when the last of the plates had be cleared away, we were led onto the dance floor and introduced to a bit of genuine ballroom dancing.

It seemed that in preparation for the ball, the entire rugby team, including reserves, had taken some proper dancing lessons. There were still a few ungainly couples out there, but Pete had been paying attention and, even though I didn't have the first idea of where to put my feet, he led perfectly and swept me round the room like a pro.

There is a unique exhilaration to feeling safe and out of control at the same time, and that's what I experienced in Pete's arms. The swirls and swoops, added to by the way my dress floated about me, left me giddy and drifting in a euphoric haze.

As the night wore on, the orchestra switched to some obligatory slow dances. By that time I was just glad to have someone strong and sturdy to hang onto. Pete pulled me close enough for me to feel the swelling down below, close enough for me to be thankful I'd taken more care than usual to hide my own bulge. I rested my head on his chest as we moved gently to some classical piece I recognised but couldn't name. I slowly recovered my equilibrium and, after a few minutes, pulled myself away enough to look up at him.

“You're quite a dancer.”

“My parents got me into it. Mum dragged Dad along first, much against his wishes, but after the first few sessions I could see how much he was enjoying it too, so I tagged along.”

“Well thank you. I certainly have something to write in my diary tonight.”

“I'd be quite happy to turn a paragraph into a chapter for you.”

I laughed. It wasn't the usual seedy sort of chat up line, but it wasn't that far off.

“Now, Pete. We had an agreement, remember?”

“I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep to that.”

I stopped moving and pulled away.

“Don't spoil things, Pete. This has been a perfect evening so far.”

“For you maybe, but I've always wanted more.”

I walked off the dance floor with Pete following close behind me. Dave and Riana noticed, and broke off their own dancing to come to my aid. The bar tab was being covered by the rugby club so I didn't need to fiddle about for my purse. I ordered an orange juice, needing refreshment more than alcohol. Pete asked for a beer over my shoulder.

“I told you the first time we met, Pete. I'm spoken for, and happily so.”

“So why did you agree to go out tonight?”

“Because Dave said you wanted to. Because I like you. Because I thought, I hoped, it would be a bit of harmless fun.”

“Two beers please,” Dave called to the bartender as he and his date appeared beside us. Then to us, “Everything all right??”

I looked at Pete, offering him the chance to speak first. He didn't take it.

“Pete's looking for a little more out of this evening than just a dance. I was just telling him I wasn't interested.”

“Seriously Pete? I was there when she told you she had someone else. You're really telling me you'd try to muscle in like this?”

“All's fair in love and war bro.”

“Yeah and how do you decide who wins and who loses? You looking to force yourself on her or something? Or will you just take her word for it? I know who she's into, and in her shoes, I'd make the same choice.”

Pete bridled at that, and then Dave and he were squaring off, puffing out their chests at each other, Riana having to push her way in between them trying to stop it, while I looked for a quiet way to slip out.

I found my way to the cloakroom and checked out my coat. Jen caught up with me there as I was dialling for a taxi. She took the phone out of my hand and looked at me questioningly.

“It was a mistake to come after all, Jen. It turns out that Pete wants a little more than I'm prepared to give.” All truth, and nothing that would give away the underlying meaning.

Dave and Riana appeared a minute later. Pete was nursing his beer at the bar, angry at my rejection, the romantic mood of the evening tainted by his and Dave's little pissing contest.

“Come on, the party was nearly over anyway,” Dave said. “Let's get you girls home.”

Jen gave me my phone back and I finished dialling the taxi company.

“All of us, or just us four?”

“I think the others are trying to keep things going a while longer. Jen, what happened to Andy?”

Andy was Jen's date for the evening. Apparently he'd gone to commiserate with Pete, having received a similar rejection from my beloved. It didn't seem to matter how delicately such news was delivered, it wasn't received well.

We ordered a taxi for four, and Dave escorted us home. I was in tears most of the way home. Jen led me into our house while Dave paid for the taxi. He wasn't sure whether to stay around or not, so Riana made his mind up for him, dragging him into our house and heading for the kitchen and the kettle.

“You know you don't have to continue this girl act, don't you Rabbit? I mean it's just us.”

“It's not an act Dave,” I managed through snuffles and Jen's comforting embrace. “This is the way I am. I guess when I'm Richard I bury it, but I don't have to when I'm like this.” I buried my head back in Jen's shoulders and let the tears take me. What had nearly happened between Pete and me had really shaken me, and the tears helped.

Riana brought in a pot of tea and enough mugs to go round. By the time it was poured, I had recovered enough of my composure to sit straight. A final sniff and a dab of a somewhat saturated tissue and I was back in control.

“I'm sorry Rabbit. I never expected Pete to be such an ignoramus.”

“No, me neither, though I guess we should both have figured it was a possibility. I mean we both have enough experience being guys, you'd have thought we'd spot the warning signs.”

“Still, apart from that last bit, it wasn't such a bad evening was it?”

“No, apart from the last bit, it was a fantastic evening. That's probably why it hit me so hard when things went bad. You don't know what it's like to be... you just don't know.”

We all stared into our drinks, still a little hot to sip just yet, and let the silence build. Dave caved first.

“You know this is all a little unfair, the way you girls live. You expect Richard here to wear a dress around the place all the time, and you never give him anything back.”

“What do you mean?” Riana said. “We're all wearing dresses tonight.”

“That's not what I mean. You wear dresses yeah, and you wear your girly jeans and sweatshirts, with the pink trim and flowers. It's not the same. If Rich has to live as a girl around here, you should try and see things from his point of view. Try living in his clothes, even for a day. See what it's like pretending to be a guy and worrying all the time that someone's going to come along and find out your secret.”

Riana and Jen looked at each other, then back at Dave and me, then back at each other again. I wasn't sure what it would achieve myself, but Jen was looking all thoughtful.

We finished our drinks and Dave decided that it was late enough that he should get going. It had already passed midnight before we left the party, so we agreed it was time for bed. Riana looked ready to offer him a share of her bed for the night, but she thought better of it in light of the way things had ended. Dave lifted my chin and looked into my eyes. I don't know what it must have taken for him to do that, to touch me, being a guy pretending to be a girl.

“You were a good sport tonight Rabbit, so don't go thinking it was your fault things fell apart. Pete's actually a good sort too, and I imagine he'll be round tomorrow with flowers and an apology. I can't even begin to understand what you're going through, but I can see you were trying to do the right thing tonight, whatever right is in this situation. You and me, we're still good, OK?”

I nodded, then ducked my head as the tears started again. Riana said goodnight as well and followed Dave out into the night.

There wasn't much left to do but go to bed. I didn't much feel like wearing the short satin chemise, so Jen lent me a long, white lacy nightgown, which felt a lot more comfortable. She had two of the same, so dressed to match me as she preferred when we slept together. Again she slotted herself under my arm, and again we fell asleep with her resting her head and her free arm on my chest. I'd glued Peggy and Sue into place for the dance, so there were a couple of bulges to negotiate, but she was pretty practised at that.

-oOo-

Again I woke up with a dead arm. Jen had slipped out while I was still sleeping, and it had been the onset of pins and needles that had dragged me out of the arms of Morpheus. For some reason, my wardrobe door was slightly open.

There was a knock on the door and Carla popped her head through.

“Oops, morning Rachael. Just need to get something here.”

She stuck her head in my wardrobe and came out with a pair of my jeans and a sweatshirt. She disappeared before I could say anything.

Helen was next. Again a knock then in she came wearing her own long, flowing white nightdress.

“Love the nightie, Rach,” she said as she too stuck her head into my wardrobe and, after a moment’s thought, pulled out my chinos and a white button down shirt.

“What is this, Helen?” I asked before she escaped.

“Oh, we just through that since you've been helping yourself to our clothes all week, maybe it was time we tried some of yours.”

Riana was next, followed in quick succession by Sandy, Amy and Becky. Even if I'd wanted to, there weren't enough guy clothes left for me. Becky'd had to resort to shorts, despite the winter weather and the poor central heating, so there was no chance there'd be anything left for me.

I climbed out of bed in search of the bathroom, only to find it full of squealing girls. I decided I could hold it for a while and took myself back to the warmth of the bed.

Some time, I'm not sure how long, later, the door opened a crack and Jen's voice called through.

“We're going next door. When you feel up to it, get dressed and came over.”

The background of whispers and giggles left me wary of what they were up to, but I'd learnt from past experience that it was best to face up to it rather than try to hide. Besides, I really needed the toilet now. I climbed out of bed and headed for the now deserted bathroom.

The whole house was empty, piquing my curiosity; I didn't let it rush me though. Wary of Dave's warning that Pete might show, I made a proper job of dressing. I settled on the coral dress as it was still a favourite and brought me hapy memories of Alice and the first night she'd dressed me up in it. It was a bit thin for this weather, but I didn't plan to go out, and it would be warm enough for inside wear.

Again minimum of makeup. Less is more, less is more. A little bit more effort sorting my hair out, and acknowledging to myself that I was getting pretty good at this sort of thing. Thick tights, shoes, handbag. I was ready. I shut and locked the door to our house and let myself in next door.

-oOo-

“Surprise!”

Everyone jumped out on me, all of them wearing something of mine.

Have I mentioned that all of my house mates are pretty good looking? Slim and pretty would go a long way towards covering it, with words like beautiful reserved for Jen alone since I am such a suck-up.

They'd gone to town with the eyebrow pencil, thickening up the brows and drawing on several variations of beard, moustache and stubble. They all had their hair pulled back into low ponytails, and they all looked totally ridiculous.

It was such a turn on though. In the strangest way, seeing these girls wearing my clothes and pretending to be guys had me feeling so hot and bothered, they couldn't help but notice.

“Hands off, he's mine,” Jen declared, pushing me down onto a sofa and climbing onto my lap. She'd drawn a little goatee and a swirling pencil moustache and looked absolutely adorable in my green Yoda tee shirt and a pair of jeans. The tee shirt did nothing to hide the fact that she was a woman, and the the absence of bra did nothing to hide how turned on she was as well.

We managed to keep the raging hormones in check, and just for fun, they lounged around watching sport on the box, while I was made to wait on them hand and foot, making them cups of tea, getting the lunch, even doing the ironing.

Every now and again, one or another of them would walk past to the loo, squeezing my bum as she went. Every time it was a turn on, and I'd watch appreciatively as one or another pair of my trousers wiggled its way down the corridor.

Jen came to find me from time to time, pushing me away from whatever I was doing and backing me against the nearest wall. She took great delight in playing with my false boobs and pushed herself against me until I could feel the bulge in her trousers.

“What the...”

“They're just socks, but they're not bad are they?”

I couldn't help myself. I was getting hotter and hotter, and not from the central heating either, but each time, she'd back off, leaving me frustrated and squirming.

About mid-afternoon the doorbell rang and the girls ran squealing upstairs, not wishing to be seen dressed as they were. I straightened myself up in the mirror then went to answer it.

Pete was standing there behind what looked like a significant portion of someone's garden. In my confused state it was almost all I could do not to grab hold of him and drag him upstairs. I did manage to contain myself though, and waited patiently for him to speak.

“I need to say sorry, Rachael. I was a complete arsehole last night. I was hoping that you'd give me a second chance.”

“Second chance as a friend, I take it?”

“Yes. Look I don't know who this guy is who's so special to you, but I hope he knows how lucky he is.”

“He does.” I was thinking about a goatee and moustache. “You're about to say if ever things don't work out between us I should give you a call, aren't you?”

He had the good grace to look sheepish.

I gave him a genuine smile and took the flowers from him.

“You can be sure I will. I had a great night last night, at least for the most part. You're a fantastic guy Pete, but you shouldn't wait for me. I sincerely doubt that I'm ever going to change my mind. A girl has this sense you know? When she finds the one. I'm pretty sure I've found mine.

“Still any time you and Dave need any more help with your maths, or you need someone to escort to a banquet or something, as long as you promise to behave.”

He nodded.

“I guess it's as much as I could hope for.” He shuffled his feet nervously.

“I'd invite you in. It's just that we're in the middle of something, and some of the girls aren't exactly dressed to receive visitors.”

“No that's OK. I need to get going anyway. I was going to meet some guys down the pub. I don't suppose...”

I shook my head.

“Not today, Pete. Like I said, we're in the middle of something.”

He nodded and backed away. He wasn't exactly hanging his head, but I could see he was more than a little disappointed. Still, not much I could do about it. I closed the door and walked back towards the lounge, inhaling a mix of heady fragrances.

I didn't get more than three steps away from the door before Jen was in my arms, her lips firmly locked on mine. When she finally allowed me to breath, she took my head in her hands and stared me in the eyes.

“Did you mean that? A girl has this sense, you know that bit?”

I managed a nod, face squished as it was between her hands.

“Riana, please tell me that you got some supplies in case Dave stays over.”

She disappeared into her bedroom and returned a moment later with a small box.

“Excuse us ladies,” Jen said taking the whole box, “I have to show my boyfriend what my little girl sense is telling me.”

-oOo-

I'm not prepared to share details, but suffice to say that we went without dinner. We also owed Riana a whole box by the end of the evening, but oh, it was so good. My boobs did get in the way a little, but neither of us was prepared to wait long enough to go hunting for the solvent.

We were lying in bed, naked and utterly spent, when Carla and Helen came home. We lay there listening while they did their bits and bobs, then once the house was quiet aagain, we padded across to the bathroom, where Jen removed my appendages, while I worked on removing any signs of her beard. We then took a much needed shower together. Unfortunately, we were out of supplies by then, or we could have enjoyed another first.

Back in the bedroom, we put on our nightdresses and changed the bed, before snuggling back down under the covers. Silence returned, each of us drifting in our own world. This wasn't quite togetherness.

“You alright?”

She squeezed me gently. “Mmmn. You?”

“Better than. No regrets?”

A sensuous wiggle against my side.

“None. You?”

“Would have preferred it without the boobs.” She snorted. “Mine I mean. Yours are perfect.” That earned me a laugh and another squirm closer, like she was trying to climb inside me. I squeezed her tight, but not painfully so. I wanted that closeness too.

“I love you,” I said. I wasn't sure if I'd ever actually used those exact words before, but this was the first time I'd felt the full depth of their meaning.

“Mmn, I know,” she murmured sleepily into my chest. ”Like you know how I feel.”

“It's still nice to hear it.”

She propped herself up on one elbow.

“You really are a girl, aren't you?”

“A bit.”

She reached down and kissed me before settling back onto my chest. “I love you too,” she said stroking the soft lace of my nightdress.

Could things get any better than this?

-oOo-