Trick of the Mind — 23 & 24 by Maeryn Lamonte Melanie Ezell's big closet ultimate writer's challenge — Written From The Heart Thanks to Wren Erendae Phoenix for editing/proofing. We talked through my third helping of stew and Jen led me up to my room. My bags were already unpacked. I opened the wardrobe to find all my clothes hanging up including the dresses. I turned to the door where Jen’s Mum was looking in with a worried but reassuring look on her face. “Your night clothes are under the pillow,” she said. “We can talk about this in the morning.”

-oOo-

Jen looked as shocked as I felt, and it took me a few seconds to react.

“If it’s all the same with you Mrs Talbot, can we get it out in the open now?”

It was only ten o’clock, but I know some families like to get to bed early.

“If that’s what you want dear.” She moved out of the way and gestured for us to come downstairs.

First Jen, then Professor Peters then Dave. For the fourth time in my life — and all within the previous five months — I found myself being totally, perhaps brutally honest about my past. Jen’s folks had been so welcoming and caring I hadn’t wanted to upset them, but now they had stumbled on my not so very well hidden secret, they deserved to know the truth, and I suspected they were the sort of people who’d understand.

I told them everything, from the first time I’d wanted to put a dress on back at my neighbour’s daughter’s party right the way through being found out after cousin Susan’s wedding and the early experimentation with Alice’s help. I told them about being hypnotised and what had happened since. I described what I felt I was wearing and they shook their heads in disbelief as I went into more and more detail. I covered how Jen had found out and how things had progressed from there. I covered the confrontation with Mysterio, the meeting with Prof Peters, the nights out with the girls, Dave’s finding out and finally my attempt at the beginning of the summer vacation to talk the whole matter through with my parents and how that had developed into the events of the last week, culminating in the abortive meeting with Dad’s psychiatrist friend and the subsequent row.

Jan chipped in a few details here and there and they asked a few questions when I’d finished.

“Wow that is quite a story,” Mr Talbot said.

“You do believe us though don’t you Daddy,” Jen sounded worried.

“Oh yes, I’ve no doubt you’ve been completely honest tonight, and I’m impressed with your courage in that regard, Richard. I’m less worried that my daughter is getting involved in something that’s out of her depth and more proud of the way she has stood by you and helped.”

He smiled at Jen who dropped her head modestly.

“It answers a lot of question, not the least being why you have a fairly extensive collection of women’s clothes in your wardrobe and why your parent’s are having a hard time dealing with it.

“I think you made the right decision to come away when you did. I get the feeling that the next few months are going to be pretty tough but, despite not wishing to speak ill of those absent and unable to defend themselves, it seems to me that your father wasn’t handling the situation particularly well.

I will repeat my offer of a place to stay for as long as you need it and,” with this he looked over at his wife, “if Rachael should make the odd appearance from time to time, we can’t promise to fully condone or understand, but we’ll try to accept her.”

Mrs Talbot nodded her head and Jen launched herself at them both.

“Mum, Dad, you really are the best.”

“I’ll second that Mr and Mrs Talbot. I can’t believe the way you’ve been so understanding over this, especially after my parent’s reaction.”

“Well don’t be too harsh on them Richard, I don’t know exactly how freaked out I’d be if my own son came home one day saying he wanted to wear a dress.”

“No, but I get the impression that you’d try to understand why and help him deal with it any way you could.”

“Well… yes I suppose so. The fact remains I’d still be very uncomfortable with it, and I can’t guarantee that we will respond any different from your parents.”

“You seem ready to accept me as Jen’s boyfriend.” I reached out and took her hand.

“And that is largely because in the short time we have known you, you’ve shown both honesty and courage. Also a lot of the issues you are dealing with right now are not of your making. You’ve tried to deal responsibly with a difficult circumstance, and as far as I’ve seen made the best of a lot of difficult choices.

“I’ve always felt that I could trust Jennifer’s judgement, and now having met her choice in men I know I was right.”

It was my turn to try and hide the reddening of my cheeks.

“And now,” Mr Talbot glanced at the clock on the mantelpiece, “with the witching hour upon us I think we should all head for our respective beds. I don’t know about you but I feel like I’ve gone ten rounds with Danny Williams, and I need to go to work tomorrow.”

With that he and Mrs Talbot headed for their beds leaving Jen and me to switch off lights and head for our own rooms.

That night, with my hosts’ blessing, I slept blissfully and peacefully in the pink nightie that had been left under the pillow for me when Mrs Talbot had unpacked my bags.

It was gone ten the next morning when there was a knock at my door. Jen came in wearing her night clothes and carrying a tray with a mug of tea and some toast.

“I talked to Mum this morning. I reminded her that when you dress in men’s clothes and see yourself in women’s clothes, it affects your mood. I said you haven’t been able to dress up at all over this past week and asked if it would be OK for Rachael to visit today.

“She took a bit of convincing, but she said OK. I think if we can make a good showing and let both Mum and Dad see how good you look, they might be more open to having her around more often. What do you think?”

I had some misgivings; I mean I’d only just told Jen's parents about this last night. I thought it would be best to show willing and stay as Richard for a few days at least, but Jen’s mood was infectious and Mrs T had said OK. I allowed myself to be persuaded.

Jen ran me a bath filled with scented oils and gave me a razor to shave my legs, arms and chest, all of which were beginning to show signs of new growth. I soaked in scented waters for half an hour and gave my hair a good wash and condition as per Jen’s instructions.

Back in my room Jen had laid out my coral dress along with the underwear she thought would go best with it. She was already dressed and slipped in after me to help attach the breast forms. She then left me to get ready.

I spent some time in my underwear sitting in front of a mirror applying some of the makeup Alice had given me and arranging my hair. It seemed the lessons my sister had given me were going to be useful sooner than expected. I added a few dabs from a bottle of perfume Jen had left on my bedside table and put on a few pieces of jewellery from Alice’s gift. It was only then that I realised that my parents hadn’t commented on my pierced ears. Admittedly I’d not been wearing earrings, but had two almost invisible plastic tubes stopping the holes form closing over, and it might have been in all the other fuss that was going on, they hadn’t noticed, even after ten days.

I slipped into the dress and a pair of black pumps I’d found on the girl’s charity shop scavenger hunt and looked in the mirror, checking my appearance all round. I saw no trace of Richard.

“Hello Rachael,” I greeted myself, the soft girl voice coming naturally, and headed downstairs to meet what was left of the day.

“Hello Mrs Talbot,” I said breezing into the kitchen. She looked up from whatever it was she’d been doing in the sink and did a very startled double take. I dashed forward to help her to a chair before she fell down, and after she’d taken a few breaths to calm herself, she said, “Let me look at you.”

I twirled joyfully in the middle of the room stretching my arms out to either side as I did so. Right now it wasn’t just that the hypnosis was dormant, but I felt a sheer delight in being totally unselfconsciously feminine.

“My word I can hardly believe it’s the same person.” She took my hands to stop me twirling and looked closely at me. “Did you do your own makeup or has Jennifer been sneaking into your room?”

“She did bring me some breakfast and later helped me put these on.” I cupped my breasts giggling a little at Mrs T’s newly shocked face. “They were a gift from some of the other girls in Jen’s hall. The night they took me out on the town, they went all out to make me look believable, which included these. One of the students is studying medicine and these are a couple of old mastectomy prosthetics that the university was throwing out.”

“Well no wonder they look so real. How do they blend into your chest though?”

“A little bit of foundation on the falsies blending into my skin. If you look really closely you can just about see the join.”

Jen’s mum didn’t want to spoil the overall impression by looking for imperfections so instead she twisted me one way then another.

“Where did you find the dress?”

“My sister Alice bought it for me back in April. She also gave me the earrings, “I shook my head showing off the gold jewellery dangling from my ears. “She’s the one who taught me how to put on makeup and arrange my hair as well, so no, Jenny didn’t spend too much time in my room this morning.”

“I’m not sure if I should be relieved that my daughter isn’t sneaking into her boyfriends room or concerned that she’s leaving her friend Rachael on her own too much.”

“Well I don’t mean to upset or confuse you or Mr T, after the way you’ve welcomed me with such open arms, so if this bothers you, I’ll go and change back.”

“No absolutely not. After all the trouble you’ve gone to this morning, I’ll not ask that. Besides, I really want to see Paul’s face when he catches his first sight of you.

“What's more,” she continued with a twinkle in her eye, “if Richard were here I wouldn’t expect anything from him and Jenny other than two doe-eyed teenagers drifting around in a haze of pheromones. With Rachael around I might be able to prevail upon my daughter and her friend to help out around the place a bit. What do you say?”

I smiled, “What do you need Mrs T?”

When Jen came looking for me ten minutes later, I was happily shelling peas and chatting with her Mum.

She gawped at us for a few seconds until Mrs T said, “Don’t just stand there catching flies, come and join us.”

So for the rest of the afternoon, the three of us prepared veg, cleaned, hoovered, did a whole lot of mundane things and had a whale of a time doing it. I mean I know housework isn’t the most interesting or stimulating thing in the world, but when there’s three of you doing it and the banter’s flowing, even the most boring jobs can be fun.

By the middle of the afternoon, we had completely blitzed the house from top to bottom and prepared everything necessary to cook dinner. Jen's mum called a halt and we all collapsed on the sofa, kicking off our shoes with a three way groan of relief, which precipitated gales of laughter and a flood of shared comments on how hard women have it with their footwear.

The indefatigable Mrs T possessed an inner resilience as yet unrealised in her daughter and house guest, and climbed stoically back to her feet to put the kettle on. Jen and I were still massaging life back into our aching toes when she reappeared carrying a tray, laden with cups, teapot and the all important plate of double chocolate cookies. We gave ourselves over to chatter and refreshments, all the more enjoyed for having been earned.

Later, Mrs T put the oven on and set dinner cooking, bringing a fresh pot of tea when she came back and we found ourselves still chatting when Mr T’s car pulled into the driveway.

Mrs T put her finger to her lips and stood up to greet her husband; another difference between Jen’s parents and mine.

“You look relaxed sweetheart. Good day?”

“Oh, an exceptional day love, one of Jen’s friends came to visit and the two of them helped me put the house in order.” They walked into the living room and I stood up as Mrs T said, “Paul I’d like you to meet Rachael.”

I stuck my hand out in a deliberately girly pose and said, “Pleased to meet you Mr Talbot.”

-oOo-

“Likewise,” he said taking my hand, “and thank-you for helping out.” He turned to his wife. “Where’s Richard? I’d have thought he’d be with you and Jen.”

“Oh now you’re just teasing me Mr T,” I said and the penny finally dropped.

He looked back at me with his mouth hanging open and a look of sheerest incredulity on his face. The rest of us collapsed into a fit of giggles while Jen’s Dad just gaped at me and shook his head.

“Well I think I can see why my daughter likes dressing you up, you do make a most convincing young lady. Rachael was it?”

I managed to control my convulsions and looked up at him smiling. “Yes sir, Rachael and thank you for the complement.

“Mrs T wanted to see your face when you figured out who I was, but if you feel uncomfortable with me like this, I’ll happily go and change.”

“Well I’m going to leave that decision to you young man er… lady. Since you’ve been dressed like this all day and the three of you seem happy with the arrangement, I think I can be content with the company of three young ladies this evening.

“I was thinking we might go out and catch a movie after dinner tonight, so you may want to think carefully about whether you want to stay as Rachael. I don’t know how comfortable you’d feel about going out in public dressed like that, although I seriously doubt anyone will suspect you of being anything other than you appear.

“However, while I wouldn’t object to my daughter having a cuddle with her boyfriend, I’m not sure I’d be happy about her doing so with a girlfriend. It may influence what film we end up going to see as well.”

I helped Jen and Mrs T set the table and serve dinner, and asked Jen whether she wanted a girlfriend or a boyfriend tonight. In the end, as much because we were running short on time as for any other reason, Rachael enjoyed an evening out and, somewhat to Mr T’s disgust, the choice of film ended up being rather girly.

The odd thing was that I enjoyed it immensely, far more so than any of the normal films I’d have chosen to watch. As I lay in bed that night, I tried to think about why. I mean was I actually becoming more like a woman through what I was doing? If I carried on down this path, would I end up choosing to live full time as a woman? Maybe to start taking hormones and eventually look for gender reassignment surgery?

What would happen to Jen and me? Would we end up being best buddies and be bridesmaids at each other’s weddings? It bothered me immensely. I was a guy, or at least I'd started out being one. I loved Jen; I was even thinking of a future together with her, and not as Rachael either.

I didn’t sleep too well that night and the following morning I washed the shape out of my hair and dressed as Richard. I mean from my point of view it was still Richard in a dress, but at least from everyone else’s point of view I was a guy again and would be treated like one.

I could see that Jen was disappointed that Rachael hadn’t made another appearance. The carefree all-girls togetherness of the previous day was gone and I even caught Jen and her Mum have a quiet little chat in the kitchen when I wasn’t around. They fell silent when I entered the room which was a dead giveaway that they’d been talking about me. I asked if there was anything I could do and they both told me no, so I fetched myself a glass of water and headed out into the garden to enjoy the summer weather while it was with us.

Later Jen and I went for a walk in one of the nearby woods. We wandered in silence for quite a way, each thinking private thoughts, holding hands from time to time, but neither of us smiled much.

“You were disappointed when Rachael didn’t make an appearance today.” It was an observation rather than a question.

“No! Well, yeah I guess so. Yesterday was a lot of fun.”

“Do you prefer her to Richard?”

She gave me an odd look and thought for a second before answering.

“They’re both you. How am I supposed to make a choice between you and you?”

I shrugged. “If we’re both the same, how come we had so much fun yesterday and yet today you and your Mum have hardly talked to me?”

“I don’t know. When you’re Rachael I see you as a girl, I can relate to you as a girl, you even respond like a girl. It becomes easy to let my hair down and have fun. I’d share things with you as Rachael far more readily than I would with you as Richard.”

“Even though we’re the same person?”

“I know it’s confusing. When you’re Rachael I feel like I can say anything to you without risking our friendship. It’s like we’re friends first and even if one of us says something stupid we both know that it wasn’t intentional and we can get over it. We kind of fit into the same wavelength and think the same things, laugh at the same things, cry at the same things. It’s like each one of us affirms the other. I mean didn’t you feel that yesterday?”

“Yeah, and it began to bother me when I started acting like a girl so much that I was laughing and crying with you and your Mum in all the same places in the movie. I mean your Dad wasn’t, in fact I think he was giving me some worried looks at times, and I don’t really blame him.”

“Is that why Rachael didn’t come out today?”

“A bit yeah. I mean I’m a guy and I like being a guy. I’m a guy who fell in love with you and I want to explore those feelings.”

“And we can and will Rich. I love you too. It’s just that when I think about that it gets all threatening and scary. As a guy you’re different from me and I’m uncertain how to act. The stakes seem somehow bigger and I’m scared of messing things up. When I do something wrong I get so upset with myself, like do you remember that night you shared with me after the first girl’s night out?”

“I’m hardly likely to forget that night!”

Jen smiled. It was good to see.

“The thing is I pretty much invited you to make love to me that night. I mean that’s what I’ve heard guys want and I wanted to give you what I thought you wanted. When you said no I was hurt and confused and ashamed.”

“You were kind of quiet afterwards.”

“You see what I’m getting at though. I don’t understand guys, I’m not sure girls can really, any more than guys can understand girls — even if you’re getting pretty close. I feel out of my depth with you as a guy. With Rachael I feel I know where I am and it’s easier to relate to you.”

“And yet I don’t want to be your girlfriend. I mean yesterday was incredible fun; I have never enjoyed doing chores as much as I did yesterday, but in the long run I don’t want to be a girl. I want our relationship to be one between a man and a woman.

“Being Rachael yesterday scared me a bit. I seemed to get so deep into it that I lost Richard for a while and that worried me. I don’t want to wake up in a few years time so messed up that I’m taking hormones and paying someone to remove my wedding tackle.”

“Don’t you dare! I have plans for that part of your anatomy, even if you’re not prepared to share it with me just yet.”

I had to laugh at that. The off mood of the morning was broken and things were mending. I stopped walking, pulled her to me and kissed her long and hard.

“Still sorry Rachael’s not here?”

“Mm. A little. This may seem terribly wrong, but I really liked making out with her before.”

She laughed at my expression, pulled away from me and ran. I chased after her and she eventually let me catch her at the edge of the woods where we fell to the grass and lay there enjoying each other in an altogether different way to the previous day.

“You know I think that would shock your parents.”

“What?”

“If they caught you making out with Rachael.”

“It would be worth it though. Do you think Rachael thinks about me the same way?”

“You never know. You’ll have to ask her when she makes her next appearance.”

She hit me, so I held her till she stopped squirming.

-oOo-

That evening Mr Talbot seemed relieved to see Richard and Mrs T seemed relieved to see Jen and me behaving like a boy and a girl. Conversation seemed to skirt the subject of what had happened yesterday for a while, but the unvoiced questions hung in the air until I couldn’t ignore them anymore.

“I think you still have some things you want to ask me, probably about yesterday.”

“Do you mind?” replied Mr T. “It feels a lot like prying.”

“Ask me anything you like. I don’t want to keep anything from you if it's causing you to worry.”

“Well in that case,” Mr T responded quickly before the offer left the table, “have you made love to my daughter?”

Mrs T and Jen were shocked by the question and were ready to protest on my behalf, but I waved them down.

“No sir and I’m prepared to wait. If and when it happens I want it to be special for both of us.”

“Fair enough and thank-you. That was a little unfair of me but since you made the offer I figured I ought to take advantage of it.”

“You’d better not ask the other question you have in your mind,” Mrs T piped up, “or I’ll wallop you.”

“No dear I think that one can wait for now.”

Jen and I exchanged looks. I wasn't sure what they were talking about, but if it was the 'what are your intentions towards my daughter' thing as I suspected, then I didn't have a complete answer ready just yet.

“OK a more relevant question and hopefully less threatening,” Mr T started again. “There were times yesterday when you acted so much like a girl I didn’t see Richard. What was that about?”

“I’m not sure sir, I was thinking a lot about it last night and I don't know if I fully understand it myself. Some of it, I think, is that there's a part of me that needs to express itself as a girl. I've suppressed it most of my life, but this past few months I've been able to let her out more and more. She's been totally squashed this past couple of weeks by my dad, and I think she really needed to come out yesterday. If she took over too much yesterday and scared you, I apologise.”

Mr T nodded an acknowledgement. “You said some of it.”

“Yeah, the rest is probably more Jen's department than mine, being a humble physicist and all, but I was thinking last night that quite a lot of a person's identity is derived from the way other people see them. You know, if you were to dress like a tramp, people would see you as a tramp and treat you as one, so you'd begin to feel like one. The same applies if you dress like a successful business man. Appearance matters more than we know.

“I think that yesterday both Mrs T and Jen accepted me so completely as a girl, treated me as though I were one of them, it just seemed to follow naturally that I slipped into the girl mind set. It did bother me a bit just how far it went, because when all’s said and done I do like being a guy.”

“So you’re not gay or anything like that?” Mrs T’s question had Jennifer gaping like a goldfish.

I laughed, “No Ma’m. One hundred percent heterosexual male and happy to be. I’m not attracted to men, witness the fact that I am drawn to your very beautiful daughter, and I do not want to become a woman. I’m just a guy who has a well developed feminine side that has a need to express itself openly from time to time.”

“Are we likely to see Rachael again soon do you think?” Again this was Jen’s Mum and I sensed a hint of hopefulness in her tone.

“That’s something of a complex issue,” I started. “I’ve told you how the hypnotism makes me believe I’m wearing girl clothes all the time and that when there’s a difference between what I’m wearing and what I think I’m wearing, it begins to wear away at my sanity. At present the only way I can get any relief from it is to put on a dress for real every now and again. On top of that, I’ve mentioned how my feminine side likes to get out and stretch her legs from time to time. Between those two things I know it won’t be long before I will want to let Rachael out for a day or two.

“Beyond that I know that most people have issues with guys like me who dress up, and when I know I might cause offence or distress, I try to curtail my extra-masculine activities and do it as infrequently as I can get away with and behind closed doors.

“In summary, the answer to your question is yes Rachael will be back, but how soon and how publicly depends on how you feel about it. If you’d prefer Rachael to remain behind closed doors, then that’s where she’ll stay. If you’re happy for her to visit openly then I’m sure she’ll be ready for another outing anytime soon.”

“Our main concern is that in being Rachael you’re not confusing yourself for the future,” Mr T said. “Beyond that I found her to be a delightful guest yesterday in the same way that Richard has been today. I’m surprised to find myself saying this, but any time you want to let Rachael out, I seriously won’t feel awkward having her here.”

“Here here,” added Mrs T. “Richard I don’t mean to embarrass you with this, but I thought I noticed earlier today that you were wearing tights under your trousers?”

“Yes Ma’m and knickers. It’s not a kinky thing, it was one of Jen’s ideas to help make wearing men’s clothing less stressful for me at the moment.”

“I’m not sure I understand.”

“Well the hypnotic suggestion I have in me has me believing I’m wearing some attractive lady’s outfit. Usually it’s something that I’ve seen recently and really liked. It’s almost always a dress or a skirt and top, which means that it also involves wearing tights or stockings.

“From my perspective, the greater the difference between what I put on in the morning and what the hypnotism has me believing I’m wearing, the greater the stress and potential for depression. Wearing a pair of panties and tights under my trousers gives me some of the sensation that my mind tells me I’m feeling.”

The questions went on for a while longer but became less probing. Eventually, stifling yawns, both Mr and Mrs T headed off for their bed.

As a parting shot, Mrs T said, “I was planning on going shopping with Jennifer tomorrow. We both need some new clothes. I don’t know if Rachael’s ready to come out again yet, but I think she’d enjoy a day’s shopping more than you would.

“We’re planning on leaving here at about eight thirty so she may want to get ready early if she does decide to come.”

Jen gave me one of her hopeful looks and after today I was less worried about what being Rachael was doing to me, so I agreed.

“If we sort out your hair and boobs before bed time that’ll mean you have quite a bit less to do tomorrow.”

As a result, late as it was, I found myself soaking in a scented bath again and washing and conditioning my hair. After I’d dried and styled it, I allowed Jen to glue the breasts onto my chest and for the second time in my life I went to bed with a cleavage under my nightdress.

The night was filled with erotic dreams of Jenny and Rachael making out and I had to get up half way through to relieve some sexual tension.

-oOo-