Trick of the Mind - 17 & 18 by Maeryn Lamonte Melanie Ezell's big closet ultimate writer's challenge — Written From The Heart Thanks to Wren Erendae Phoenix for editing/proofing. The evening went quickly. It felt good to be doing something normal, even if the tight skirt on the black dress made moving difficult. By the time the bar was open Dave had grasped what was needed and finished his assignment. He offered to buy me a drink down at the bar, but I cried off saying I’d had too much the previous night. He accepted that and headed off on his own while I went into my room to catch up on the work I would have started Friday night had I not been sidetracked. That night I slept in the nude again and dreamt of Jen’s soft skin against mine.

-oOo-

The following morning I was up early and headed down to the shops wearing something out of the fifties. It was a navy blue dress with white polka dots, a full skirt to below the knee and a tight bodice. It came with stockings, three inch pumps and a white cardigan. I have no idea where my subconscious dug it up, but I caught myself admiring my reflection in shop windows more than once.

The supermarket was pretty empty this early on a Sunday and it didn’t take me long to gather together the stuff I needed. I made it back to my room by tenish and was able to put in an hour and a half’s work before taking over the kitchen and using what limited resources there were in the hall to prepare a decent meal.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no cordon bleu chef. What I cook is usually edible if not elaborate. Usually I don’t like cooking much — its’ just a means to the end of filling your stomach — but today I wanted to say thank-you for the previous twenty four hours, so I went to town.

By the time Jen arrived, pretty much everyone in the hall had come out of their rooms sniffing and making some sort of appreciative noises. I fended off the hordes with dire tales of how my cooking had once been used as a biological weapon, and eventually they got the hint and left Jen and me to our quiet little mini roast.

Jen handed me a package.

“It’s a gift from the girls. They thought you were such a great sport yesterday they wanted to show their appreciation. Carla and Riana were both asking when Rachael might visit again.”

I took the package and reached for a knife.

“You may want to wait till you’re in your room before opening it.”

I took the hint.

“And this is from me. The same applies.”

“Jen are you OK? You seem a little down.”

“I — I just feel so stupid. The way I threw myself at you Friday night. I mean it’s not me, not the real me, but I’ve grown really fond of you Richard. I don’t want to lose you. I just don’t believe I did something so stupid.”

I took her in my arms and she started to cry on my shoulder.

“Why would you think you would lose me? After Friday you’d be lucky if you could beat me away with a stick.”

“Why? Because I showed you I’m an easy lay?”

“No Jen, no. Because you saw the real me. Because you know the freaky things about me and they didn’t freak you out. Because you did something totally weird and off the wall for me the other day that shows that you understand what I need, and you’re prepared to do it even though it’s got to be just a little bit weird for you.

“Jen I rarely cook. This is my way of saying thank you for Friday night, and for yesterday. So what if you came on to me, we all do dumb things from time to time, especially after a few drinks. Seriously, if you can overlook what I’m going through, I should be able to cut you a little slack there.

“As for being an easy lay, you are anything but. You are too special to me for me to ever take you for granted.”

It may have been the clothes, but something in me felt like a mother comforting her daughter. I shook it off and lifted her chin. Stroking her cheek I gave her a very un-motherly kiss and the mood was broken. Jen gave me one of her radiant smiles and asked if there was anything she could do.

“For a start you can put those packages in my room away from curious fingers then if you wouldn’t mind setting the table, we should be ready to eat in a few minutes.”

The meal was lovely, if a bit overdone in parts — I mean I did say the ovens weren’t exactly the most advanced or well maintained cooking appliances on the planet. We talked of nonsense things and sipped wine, then as the afternoon drifted away we went for a walk around the grounds and fed the ducks with the remains of an old loaf.

Back in my room Jen gave me the packages to open. The girls had given me the black dress and extras from last night along with the breast forms. It was a generous gift and I was overwhelmed.

Jen’s package was smaller and contained a pink satin chemise nightie.

“It’s a little larger than the one you had on last night. I was going to give it to you at the end of term, but for one thing I figured you wouldn’t have much opportunity to use it in your Mum and Dad’s house. For another, it’s my way of saying I really appreciate the way you respected me last night, even if I didn’t deserve it the way I was acting.”

I shook my head and tried to say something.

“No hear me out Rich. It wasn’t just the drink. I was in control enough that I knew what I was doing. It’s just that I was so turned on by the way that you looked and smelt. I guess I’m even more messed up than you. Anyway, I’m really lucky that you’re such a sensitive guy, and even if it is a little weird to be giving your boyfriend sexy lingerie, this is my way of saying that I love you. Both of you, Richard and Rachael. If it’s all the same with you, I’d like you both to stick around.”

Nothing more needed to be said and we spent the afternoon lying in each other’s arms on my bed lost in our own thoughts. When the sun disappeared behind the horizon I shooed her out back to her room with the promise of a lunch date the next day.

It had been as near to a perfect weekend as I could imagine, and I fell asleep wearing pink satin and lace, preferring the soft, silky feel of Jen's gift to my usual nakedness.

-oOo-

The rest of the term running up to summer became something of a routine. I continued to learn to live with wearing dresses every day, and every evening I went to sleep either in my skin or in the night clothes Jen had given me, finding an ease to my stress every time I found myself wearing exactly what I had put on, even if it was girl clothes for real.

Rachael made a couple more appearances, the first time surprising the girls when she stepped out of Jen’s room wearing my coral dress. Jen had helped me style my hair and do my makeup, but the real head turner was the cleavage. As before, a little foundation on the chest blended the false appendages into the rest of my body seamlessly, but this time the dress was designed to show it off and the effect was stunning.

Rachael’s second appearance was a couple of weeks later after the first year exams were complete. The girls insisted that Rachael needed a bigger wardrobe and had clubbed together to give her a small budget. Then the Saturday after the exams were over, I headed down to Jen’s early in the morning and borrowed one of her less flashy — if still very attractive — dresses before we headed off on a tour of all the second hand and thrift shops that the girls knew.

That day I gained a new appreciation of why girls enjoy shopping so much. As Richard it would have been a bit of harmless fun like the day I went into town with Alice. As Rachael it was a complete blast, getting to try on all sorts of different things, laughing with the other girls and getting as involved in helping them pick the right colours and designs for themselves as picking stuff out for me.

By the end of the day we returned exhausted and triumphant with about five new (well nearly new) outfits for Rachael and three new pairs of shoes. Jen was happy to store my new stuff for me until I could sneak it back into my room. We all changed into something we’d just bought — mine was a simple but elegant blue and white floral print dress — and headed out to a nearby café off campus for a bite to eat. By now I was so confident about my appearance that I was sure I wouldn’t be recognised as anything other than a girl.

Well they say pride comes before a fall.

We were on our second round of drinks and cakes when we heard a noise outside. Everyone turned round to see a crowd of rather large young lads wandering past singing at the top of their voice. I recognised Dave immediately ducked my head just as he turned to look in the café.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed him wave his mates on ahead as he headed for the door.

“Hey Jen, Riana,” he yelled as he wandered over to our table. “We won. Last game of the season and we won. That puts us third in the league this year.”

There were a few whoops and congratulatory noises from the girls, but they could sense my fear and were trying hard to think of ways to divert him.

Riana stood up and posed. “What do you think Dave? Cost me two quid at the Sally Anne.” I’d had my eye on that dress as well, but it looked so much better on Riana. It was pink and frilly but more to the point short and revealing, showing a lot more skin than the rest of us dared. Dave looked on appreciatively and came right over to our table.

Not the plan.

“Not bad Riana, fancy coming back to my room and showing me how easily it comes off?”

The girls laughed. I mean this was Dave, we all knew he didn’t mean it, even if he would have liked Riana to take him up on the offer.

He looked around the table remembering names as he went. I was ready for the ground to swallow me up, but there’s never a good earthquake when you want one, and inevitably he got to me.

“And the new face is?”

He was looking intently at me. I was looking intently at the table in front of me.

“This is Rachael,” Jen said, “I think she’s a little shy.”

Dave laughed. “Aw there’s no need to be scared of me Rachael. The girls will all tell you I’m all bark and no bite.”

He was being too nice, I couldn’t keep my head down any longer. Trembling with fear, I looked up at him.

“Rabbit?” His face was a mess of emotions. I thought I saw horror and loathing in their somewhere, but overwhelmingly confusion.

“I’ve gotta get back to the lads,” he said and ran out the door as quickly as he could.

-oOo-

I was too stunned to react. The girls made a few less than ladylike utterances, then hands reached out.

“I’m so sorry Rich — Rachael, I thought I was going to distract him, not invite him over.”

“Not your fault Riana, it was bad luck was all.”

“So what are we going to tell him?” Jen tried to muster the troops.

“I think he deserves the truth,” I said. I felt completely numb and couldn’t see anything other than disaster looming, but my friend deserved more than a lie.

“Are you sure?” Riana asked. “We could all say that we pestered you into doing this. If we all stuck to the story he’d have to believe us.”

“I don’t think he’d buy it. I mean look at me, it’s obvious that someone’s gone to a lot of trouble to make me look like a girl. This isn’t just a spur of the moment bit of silliness.”

We paid the bill and headed back in a very subdued mood. Every now and then one of the girls would start up with a “Maybe we could…”, but the ideas were desperate, unrealistic and were soon forgotten.

At Jen’s I cleaned off the makeup and nail varnish, then washed the curls out of my hair. By the time I was back in my male togs I was wearing Riana’s short, pink, frilly dress. It would not be easy confronting Dave in this state.

I kissed Jen. “See you tomorrow? Assuming there’s anything left of me.”

“Oh come on Richard, Dave wouldn’t get physical with you.”

“I don’t know, he’d have every right.” I was wallowing in a major guilt trip.

Jen got mad with me. “Just what right? I mean the whole lead up to this has hardly been your fault. If anything it started with Dave getting you on stage with that hypnotist. If anyone has a right to be angry about this it’s you.”

I gave her a weak smile. “Wish me luck.”

“Luck,” she said and kissed me again.

I gained a new understanding of the saying “with a heavy heart” as I left Jen's hall. Walking back to my room seemed like a steeper uphill struggle with every step and it really did feel like there was a weight in my chest pulling me down, pulling me back. I eventually made it to the hall and started climbing the stairs.

Dave, it seemed, had found the beer a bit sour this evening, his friends company a bit oppressive. He was sitting brooding on the landing with a mug in his hands. Either everyone else in the hall had other plans tonight, or they’d picked up on Dave’s mood and left him alone. He lifted his head as I approached and gave me a look of betrayal.

“Give me a chance to explain?” I begged.

“That’s the idea.” He usually wasn’t so short spoken; this had upset him more than even I’d suspected.

I dropped into a chair opposite him trying to ignore the way the light fabric of the dress seemed to float around me.

“You remember that hypnotist back in March? The Great Mysterio? Well he really did put me under. If I'd suspected for a second that he could really do it, I probably wouldn't have agreed to go up on stage with him.”

Dave’s eyes narrowed. “That means that what you owned up to on the stage is true?”

I sighed and nodded. “Jen told me he got me to admit to dressing up in women’s clothes and enjoying it. At the time I didn’t know what happened while I was under, just that when I came out of it, I felt like I was wearing a dress. Given the way the guy had acted up to that point, I knew he was setting me up for a major fall and I wasn’t ready to give him the satisfaction. So I pretended that nothing had changed. When I sat back with you and Jen it still felt like I was wearing a dress.”

“You did act differently after the show. Less shy somehow.”

“What can I say? I was out with my friends wearing a dress and nobody was getting angry or upset about it. It felt good. I can’t explain why it did or why I am the way I am, it’s just a part of me. A lot of guys need a drink every day; a lot of girls need to shop; most people can’t get out of bed without a cup of coffee. Me I get stressed and depressed if I don’t put on a frock from time to time. I know it’s weird, I wish it were otherwise. I know most people would freak out the way you did tonight so I try to keep it secret and do it as little as possible.

“The thing is the hypnotic suggestion lasted a bit longer than I anticipated. I figured I’d get a good evening out of it and by the time I woke up the next day I’d be back to normal. It didn’t quite work out that way.

“The evening extended into the night then into the next day. When I met Jen the following morning, she had already put two and two together and when she challenged me on it, I had no choice but to tell her.

“Days turned into weeks and then months…”

“You mean even now?”

“You remember that slinky little dress Riana was wearing?”

“Man that’s sick!”

“I know, but the thing is I don’t have any control over it. If I had a choice I’d be sitting here wearing the clothes you see me in, but every time I put on a shirt and a pair of trousers, I find myself dressed in something cute and frilly.”

“And you’ve done nothing to try and fix it?”

“Jen and I hunted down the hypnotist a while back, he eventually admitted that he couldn’t do anything, that this would have to follow its course and maybe one day things would return to normal. Jen’s read every book on hypnotism in the library and has drawn a blank. We even had a long talk with one of Jen’s professors about what’s happening to me. I still can’t fix it, but I do have a better understanding of what’s happening.”

“OK, but if you end up thinking you’re wearing a dress every time you put clothes on, why do you need to do it for real?”

I paused for a few seconds trying to get my thoughts in order.

“You remember at the beginning of this term I kind of nose dived?”

“Yeah I took you and Jen out for a drink to try and pull you out of it, and it worked if I remember.”

“It wasn’t the drink that helped. It was Jen. A few hours before you came round, she came up with an idea that really helped.

“This gets a bit psychobabble, but try to follow:

“When we went to see Jen’s prof, he told us that a major cause of depression is a break between what you expect the world to be like and what you see it to be.”

Dave’s brows creased. This wasn’t exactly his area of interest.

“Suppose there’s this sportsman, quite the athlete, thinks he’s invincible and going to live forever. Then one day he’s driving too fast and bends his sports car round a lamppost, gets himself crippled from the waist down. He falls into depression. Why? Because he has to come to terms with a new reality. He’s not invincible, he’s not going to live forever, and he’s not going to be the great athlete he was before. What he always believed turns out to be wrong and he has to adjust to a new reality.”

“OK I get that, but what has it got to do with this?”

“I have a similar break between expectation and perception, only it’s caused by something completely different. I have the same lifelong expectation as everyone else on this planet, that every time I put on a shirt and a pair of trousers, that I will carry on wearing that shirt and pair of trousers until I get round to taking them off.”

“Sounds reasonable.”

“Only thanks to the hypnotic suggestion that is so deeply seated in my consciousness now that I can’t get it out, my perception lies to me, and I have to live with the sense that every time I put on a shirt and pair of trousers, a few seconds later I’m wearing a dress. Something in my brain is aware of this and struggling to deal with it, so I get a little more stressed out every second I’m stuck this way.

“If I actually put on a cute dress, then the hypnotic suggestion doesn’t have to kick in and reality matches perception for a while and the stress eases. The night you came round to take me out for a drink and found Jen in my room with me, I was actually wearing Jen’s dress and she was showing me how little it bothered her when you knocked.

“She lifted my depression before you dragged us down to the bar. Sorry mate.”

“You mean you…”

“No. I wouldn’t do that to her. We were just kissing and cuddling.”

“So why couldn’t you continue to do things behind closed doors?”

“Because it turns out, that’s only so effective. I mean I’ve been coping pretty well for most of this term, but Jen could see I was sliding a bit so she came up with a plan. She persuaded her friends, the ones we were out with tonight, to kidnap me and give me a real girly makeover then take me out on the town. This happened about a month ago that time I didn’t come back till Saturday afternoon.”

“You slept on a park bench in a dress?”

“No I slept round Jen’s. Again before you ask, nothing happened, but part of the makeover involved sticking some false boobs to my chest and one of the other girls had the solvent to remove them in her room. She hooked up with some guy during the evening and didn’t come back till gone lunchtime the following day. I couldn’t really come back here with a pair of C cups, so I got to be Rachael for most of Saturday and changed back as soon as the coast was clear and I could get the things off me.

“Apparently I make quite an attractive and believable young lady and the girls enjoyed it so much that they keep asking for my female alter ego to come back and visit. I won’t say they have to do much arm twisting because I’ve found that I enjoy it as well, even with the risk involved.

“The first couple of times we went into town to restaurants and nightclubs were we were pretty sure I wouldn’t be recognised. Today was a special. The girls wanted me to go clothes shopping with them and when we got back they more or less insisted that we all — me included — go out for a bite to eat in something that we’d just bought. I guess I was just getting cocky, I didn’t think anyone would recognise me.

“Listen Dave, I hate that I’ve had this secret from you, but I think you can figure out why I never got round to sharing it. I also hate that you had to find out, especially this way. This is massively screwed up, but it’s not entirely, or I should say even largely, my fault. It started off with that git of a hypnotist, and spiralled out of control from there.

“I’m finished if anyone around here finds out about this. I’ll understand if you think me some kind of sick weirdo and don’t want anything to do with me, but for whatever friendship we had, please keep a lid on this for me.”

“You’re saying it’s my fault aren’t you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You wouldn’t have gone anywhere near that hypnotist if it hadn’t been for me.”

“And you had no idea that he was going to be such an idiot. Dave I don’t blame you for that, it was just something unfortunate that happened, like you coming into the café tonight when I happened to be there with the girls.”

Dave was quiet for long while. When he finally did speak my nerves were frayed.

“OK,” he said. “For the record I am seriously not OK with this, but I won’t tell anyone. You’ve been a good mate this year and I guess I owe you for that, plus you’ve been honest with me and that can’t have been easy. You won’t mind if I don’t hang around with you anymore though, I don’t want to be anywhere near you when someone else tumbles to your little secret.” With that he dumped his mug unwashed in the kitchen and headed off to his room. I sat dejected for a while longer then as a last act of friendship washed up Dave’s mug before heading to my room.

That night I slept in the nude not wanting anything to do with girl clothes and mourned the loss of my friend.

-oOo-