This is the finale. It follows directly from 'The Next Day' and tries to answer those questions that remained unanswered. Whether it does that is for you to judge.

Can love survive where the people have to look at what is rather than what they expected, or maybe wanted... The final episode. No correspondence will be entered into... probably.

This is a work of adult fiction.
No resemblance to reality should be inferred or expected.
Copyright KLS 2007.

The Black Dog - Epilogue

By Kristina.L.S.

1.

As the car pulled into that familiar carport Sam had not expected to see again she felt a tension. An unexpected nervousness at returning to what had been her home. But nothing was as it had been only a couple of weeks earlier.

Kara turned off the engine and glanced across with a seemingly mirror image of that nervousness sitting just behind the confident façade.

"Well hon, we're home. I... um, it seems a little silly to talk about I should have, or whatever, I guess we have to go from here. Please, I'll get your bag just go inside and..." her voice trailed off as she realised that Sam no longer held a key. That was sitting in a drawer inside with a couple of large legal envelopes that she had only glanced at before slipping them into a drawer and vowing never to open them again. There were probably a couple of tearstains on those envelopes she thought.

With a sigh she got out grabbing Sam's bag from the back seat and lead the way to the door. She was not unaware of the tension in her... what? Husband no longer applied and she was not sure lover really did either. Just one more thing they had to work through she thought. The enormity of what had been wrought, albeit for what at least started as non-selfish reasons, struck her and she paused as the weight of that sat very heavily on her slender shoulders.

Sam noted the pause, the slight slump and then the straightening as Kara fumbled for her key, an action that was very unlike her. She was always positive and controlled, but Sam had to acknowledge that the circumstances that surrounded them both were hardly normal and that small circumstantial clue focused her on what to now had been... prevarication, un-surety? Well whatever, she now mentally tightened and determined to work as necessary to make this... work. She had no doubt at all that she loved Kara, but was that enough? The man Kara had married in a sense no longer existed and even though it had been Kara's actions that to a large extent had pushed Samantha into the world... that no longer mattered. Reality, the present version of it had to be dealt with, as hard as that might be.

It remained to be seen whether love alone could bind them. No matter what pain and difficulty had gone before Sam was determined to give it her all... and if that was not enough she would sadly leave as had been the intent only a week ago. That pain and yes, anger, still sat in a largely unexplored sector of her mind.

But it was there and all that needed doing was for her to gather her will and actually leave. The very idea brought tears to her eyes, but it had to be considered. Could Kara accept a life, a relationship with a person that though she loved was not who or what she seemingly needed?

2.

The door opened after a fumble of keys and Kara stepped through and held the door for Sam as she hesitated for a second and then followed. Both were seemingly struck by a sense of dislocation as they stood unsure of where to turn or what to say. After a few seconds silence, that seemed considerably longer, Sam took her bag from an un-protesting and unsure Kara and headed up the short staircase to the landing hallway. She headed along past laundry and bathroom to the master bedroom and stopped. She stood there in the doorway for what seemed like an hour. But was more likely less than a minute, trying to decide... Was that room hers? Did she belong there any more?

She closed her eyes and let her thoughts roam, after a moment more and feeling no more sure? Confident? Stepping back she took the few extra steps to the second bedroom. Again she closed her eyes and stepped forward to feel, less unsure at least. She placed her bag at the foot of the bed and stood still again with eyes closed as if sensing the air and environment for answers. No response or alert came and after... minutes? She turned to see Kara standing in the doorway... just looking in with an expression that could only be described as unbearably lonely and more than a little lost.

They stood facing one another... again time seemed distorted and somewhat irrelevant. After... a while they both spoke at once, which was of course how this seemed to go. Nothing fit and everything overlapped and seemed... wrong.

After two false starts... "Kara, I... Sorry if this seems a rejection of you in some way. I honestly didn't know where I would turn as I came up those stairs. I stood in the... our, bedroom doorway and it just... seemed, wrong to be there. Maybe... but for tonight, I think I need to just settle myself and then, um... we'll see I guess..." her voice trailed off as Kara had not moved or spoken. Beyond that deep sadness that sat on her face she was, well waxen came to mind, Madame Tussauds... life like, yet not.

With a snap Kara roused herself, Sam's action had hurt her far beyond the simple reason and even her own understanding of it. She probably should have expected it, yet she had built a scenario in her mind as to how this whole thing would play... and it had just been demolished by a simple expression of Sam's indecision and she guessed, fear. With thoughts running wild through her mind she smiled... no doubt a little crookedly and turned.

"I understand hon, um... please, settle in and I'll... I, ah... I'll go down and make us a coffee and when you're comfortable or maybe just ready enough... we can, ah, talk and see... see where we are."

She smiled, or made the motions of doing so while glancing back at Sam who had not moved and was watching her with an intensity that made her want to cry. Before she did she headed back down stairs to the kitchen.

Sam's emotions spun and swirled as she sat back on the bed taking in the feel and taste of home and Kara's obvious distress and probable discomfort. Again she stood and tried in some esoteric way to touch the spirits of the house and discern a path, a way to make things... all right. After another moment or two she sighed and resigned herself to having to do it the old fashioned way. Reasoned discussion... Sounded simple and yet it was in a way the hardest thing they would do together. Sit and talk... and decide if they had a future together and if not... There, her determination failed and she felt tears begin.

With a deep breath and a hollow feeling she left her bag where it lay and headed out the door and down the stairs to join her... wife, in the kitchen. Coffee seemed like a very good idea, she hoped Kara had made a big pot and had biscuits or cake or something to occupy hands and mouth with. She suspected talk might not be easy to come by, at least for her... and she guessed Kara would not be any easier at the moment. Blame was for another time... perhaps, for now there was just... with another sigh she continued down the stairs and tried to not think ahead.

Kara started as Sam came into the kitchen behind her, it was obvious her thoughts had been a long way away. A 'with who' thought popped unbidden into Sam's mind and in an attempt to break that particular spell she stepped up and pressed her chin into Kara's neck crossed her left arm across and cupped her right shoulder. Her right arm snaked gently around Kara's waist and settled right hand at her left hip, a position that Sam had always found immensely pleasurable; a simple connection. Now if Kara could just lean back into it as had been her habit...

At first she stiffened, but after a moment and an audible sigh she leant back and if the feeling of the body behind her was not quite as it had been, she knew it was still her Sam and that was more than she had any right or expectation to ever feel again.

A gesture so simple and yet wrapped with meaning for those two people at its core.

3.

They stood just letting the scent and feel of the other wash over them for maybe ten minutes, a hint of peace and acceptance; a gesture that all might not be lost. Then as the jug clicked and the dribble of thick aromatic liquid ceased, they separated, with, both acknowledged silently, a hint of reluctance. It was nearing lunchtime and neither had given thought to food and both for similar reasons had not had breakfast.

The next ten minutes might have been comical if it weren’t deadly serious. Both trying to alleviate the fears of the other, to make things comfortable and pleasant and... normal.

They fussed and cut cake and spread spreads and generally played mother to each other that eventually had them both smiling and shaking their heads as they sat across from one another at the kitchen table and recognised just how silly they must look.

But that look was enough to start a re-connection. Both in a few seconds looked into the other and saw what it was that had started a friendship and then love. A knowing and understanding of who it was that sat opposite, separate and yet not. A beginning, or perhaps the beginning of a new beginning. Sam's laugh at her own ridiculously worded thoughts caused Kara to smile in that...'what?' way she had.

With a bemused shake of the head Sam just smiled back and watched as Kara's smile stayed, as Sam had hoped it would. The thought, maybe hope of this working became stronger and needing another physical reminder and simple reassurance stretched her hand half way across the table.

Kara watched Sam's movement and after only a second matched it. And so they sat holding hands like a pair of love-struck kids making up after a fight. It seemed both recognised the innate silliness that sat alongside the deep and meaningful. Both laughed slightly at how things that meant so much could often look so ridiculous to anyone that might be looking on. That both knew what the other was thinking, almost exactly, said much. So they sat and held hands and tried to organise their thoughts. How to say and to ask and to question... and when.

Now? No, not now, later. Now we settle and absorb and see what might be and think and wonder about the other and what they might want and perhaps need. Few things are certain.

Saturday drifted and waned easily and peacefully. It was only with the approach of bedtime that a slight discord settled. Both took a little too much care to step around the other and both felt a faint unease. They wanted to share and yet were not sure that was a good idea... just yet. And so they tiptoed around one another and both went separately to bed in different rooms.

Both lay for some time with thoughts drifting and touching on this and that before wandering again. It was the early hours before either succumbed and slept.

It was Sam that awoke suddenly heart pumping with a slight feeling of being trapped of feeling a weight that should not be. It was only seconds before the realisation settled and the racing heart slowed. That weight was an arm, draped loosely across her body. With a mental sigh of mixed pleasure and a hint of sadness she pressed backwards gently to increase contact.

She held her breath, not wanting to disturb and was gratified to feel a small settling and adjustment as Kara pressed closer in response. Her breathing stayed deep and slow as Sam held hers just feeling the others presence, slowly relaxed and with a small smile on her lips, allowed sleep to come again.

Sunday morning both awoke at almost the same time and after a momentary indecision turned to face one another. The almost identical short silken nightclothes, slick against their skin. Each took in the others presence and felt that just maybe everything would be, all right. They needed to talk, to try and understand the others position. Kara knew that she held the bigger burden there and hoped she could make enough sense to allow Sam to, if not understand completely, at least enough to forgive. She knew without doubt that she needed this person, here with her. Samuel or Samantha did not matter at all but... she had to acknowledge with all that gone before and the pain it had caused, Samantha was more real. There would be challenges and difficulties. Not least she had to reconcile her own actions toward her true love and what had been with Brian. Trust had been breached and damaged. Now they needed to rebuild.

4.

Content for the moment to just let time and feelings flow they lay together, cuddling and simply absorbing the others presence. Safe and warm and at peace at least for the moment, they dozed. It was ten before they roused again and driven by the need for the bathroom as much as a desire to commence the day they rose, took their turn and quietly dressed.

A simple brunch was prepared and eaten. Both were aware that they needed to discuss what had gone before and what might come, but both were slightly unsure of how and where to start. A pensive air permeated the house as soft music was played and each waited on a signal, from somewhere, to begin. Morning became afternoon and drifted slowly, while conversation remained neutral and sparse.

Sam felt the tension in her body rising slowly and knew they had to work things out or it would fester and they would break once more. Most likely a final break should it come. The CD playing was Michael Bublé and as he crooned of distance, feeling alone and wanting to come 'Home', Sam felt tears begin.

Kara saw and understood, "Oh Sam, this is home and I'm here and I want you here as well. Samantha is who you are and neither of us can deny the reality of that. I know you are a little afraid and unsure of what I need or want... whether you fit anymore." She took a breath and gathered her thoughts.

"I hurt you, I know that and I... well, why I guess, huh?" She paused again and was aware of Sam's silent focus and that the emotions seemed stilled for now.

"I told you that I'd always felt you more feminine than masculine and that I believed for some reason you had hidden that truth from yourself. So I watched and waited expecting that sooner or later you would come to that realisation yourself, but instead you held yourself tight and slid into depression. You have no idea how much that hurt me and every time I tried to get you to open up and talk to me you couldn't or wouldn't." Sam had not moved or made a sound but her gaze was intense as she waited for Kara to tell the why of it. After a slow deep breath Kara continued.

"Simply I felt lost and alone. You would not connect with me and seemingly no longer wanted to and after weeks and weeks of that dark cloud that sat around you I needed to feel and touch. Something you could not and apparently did not want to do." She shrugged slightly and with a crooked smile continued.

"Then after another day of work and with nothing at home to look forward to I stopped for a drink before facing 'bleak house'. And I met Brian. He was charming and attentive and listened and made me... feel. For the first time in months I felt human. Desired, wanted and he took what I was and I did not even try to resist. Within three days we were lovers and you did not even notice how little I was there."

Kara watched the tears drop from Sam's eyes and felt her own tingle in sympathy, but she held them back.

"And so began a spiral. I wanted you to care, to notice and you didn't and I guess couldn't, but at the time it was simply... you did not care, so... sex became my feelings. The suicide attempt really threw me. You have no idea of the guilt and shame I felt but by this time Brian had touched something in me that I had never felt and though I wanted to I couldn't give up."

"He had strength, a basic male strength that I needed because I was lost and adrift, my world was engulfed in a fog built by my husband and yes I know that's stupid but it's what I felt. And so began the dance as I talked to him and told him almost everything and he pushed and used my weakness and desires to distance me from Sam and force Samantha to the surface. I wanted you healthy and whole and so I rationalised and it seemed to work. By the end I had convinced myself, I was so sure that Samantha didn't want me anymore, whereas Brian did."

"I knew you still cared but not enough in comparison. I made the classic mistake of believing in love where it didn't exist and ignoring it where it did. Tunnel vision... I don't know, I do know he did not love me... he simply wanted to take the love we shared because I don't think he can feel it. He wants it but does not know how to... open himself to it. When... that night... I knew, but couldn't acknowledge it. But the next day, when you left the whole house of cards fell apart and I felt so lost and alone and I understood, finally where you had been. My god, so bleak and cold... it was only the need to be sure you were ok and then the chance of you coming back. That's all that kept me going for a day or two." She shrugged and became aware for the first time of the tears running down her face and the blend of pain and loss and love and hope that mingled within her.

So softly Kara could only just hear her Samantha began to speak, "You know Kara that night, when you forced me to see Samantha and the next day as I sat on the back veranda. I remembered... I knew you were right. Fear, lock and key... you were right. When I was twelve, alone in the house I let myself explore something I believed... had been taught, was wrong. Years of questioning and vague feelings of not being right... well in short I dressed in my mothers clothes, skin out, everything and a bit of makeup. Of course I got caught. The look of contempt on her face as she watched me strip and dress, properly. Had me scrub my face for minutes and barely spoke to me for days after."

The silence was thick and heavy between them broken by a barely audible, "Oh Sam."

Straightening slightly, "When she did speak to me three days later it was sunny and bright and I was her boy and... the girl, got put away. I was still her boy, the same gentle and loving son she believed in and loved and I wanted that. So... you were right all along, I simply fought it."

The silence returned but this time it wasn't heavy. It was gentle as if a storm had passed.

The discussion wandered and slipped from one to the other, questions were asked, sores were lanced and pain expunged. A small and light evening meal broke the flow, but it was only an interruption and they continued into the night.

Where finally they embraced and acknowledged what each knew. That love was real and they felt it, one for the other. Woman or man was not that important. But they were again as one and the fog was gone.

As night slipped across and time passed to become tomorrow, Sam retrieved her bag and placed it in their room, unpacking could wait till tomorrow. Clothes removed and nightclothes slipped on, they climbed into a shared bed and embraced a now far more real future together. Wrapped into each other they felt peace and love and allowed sleep to claim them.

CODA:

If one were to look across... and up from near the small house where Sam and Kara lay intertwined almost as one, you might see a ghostly, hazy, mirage like hill. If you were to squint a bit, staring into the gloom you would perhaps make out the shape of a large dog. It sits quite still, front paws slightly extended and crossed, tongue lolling and moving gently with each breath. You might note a slight tilt of the head to one side as if it were pondering weighty matters.

Now were you the type to humanise animal behaviour you might decide that it had a strange expression on its face, a grin almost. You might say it looked amused. A glint of humour in the dark eyes, as it rose effortlessly to its feet and shook itself from tip of tail to nose and fluffed its thick black coat in the process. You might see a small nod and perceive a quiet chuckle as it turned and then glancing back over its shoulder with a... 'we shall see...' tilt of the head, watch as it trotted into the haze and disappeared. Then if you were of a fanciful, imaginative persuasion, you might even hear a wavering ghostly howl... of a wolf... or a large dog, calling to its fellows in the distance... You might, in the even greater distance hear a wafting answer, that trilled ever so slightly to resemble a hyena's cackle.

You might then with a hint of unease, laugh slightly at yourself and turn inside... taking care that the door was locked against the night. But as the light clicked off, it would seem that the darkness became just a bit more so and the temperature just a little less. And perhaps that howl carried just a little further and more clearly.

We are all alone when the darkness comes.

The End.

With thanks to those that trust and share; for their thoughts and support... It means a great deal. For this one: Anne, Nick, Jan, Jamie, Sheila, Tina, thank you, but if I don't use your suggestions, it's just me being stubborn. As ever, any errors or misunderstandings, they're down to me.

Any thoughts or comments or questions I can be contacted —
[email protected]

Anything short of abuse welcome.