Joan and Sam continue to wend their way through the first week of school.

Chapter 16

"It’s Been Awhile"

Thursday morning. I really needed to acquire some more appropriate clothing for school. Today though, I was going to wear one of my denim skort sets. It didn’t bother me at all anymore. I felt at peace with myself about everything. Of course, I wasn’t living in fantasy land. I was aware of all the potential dangers waiting just around the next curve!

"I’m going with you this evening for your appointment," Sam said to me as we made our way to school. "No, I’m not joining in," he said while breaking out in laughter. "While you’re upstairs getting your head shrunk, Fred’s going to be in the basement showing me how his mixer works." He seemed unusually happy about the whole thing. I guessed it couldn’t cause any harm. Minutes later we arrived outside the front of the building. Sam and I stood there holding hands when Charlie O’Brien walked over.

Charlie was a bit of an idiot, but he seemed harmless enough. "Hi Sam, Hi John," he said smiling. I thought just a moment about correcting him then realized that it wouldn’t be worth the trouble. "Hey, isn’t that the fire hydrant where you beat the hell out of that kid last year?" he asked Sam. I could tell that Sam was confused. He didn’t know whether to laugh or become angry. Remembering that occasion vividly did nothing for either of us. Sam took a deep breath, designed to calm himself down, and stood there talking baseball with him until the bell rang. I stood calmly by his side holding his hand as he rambled on and on. In a lot of ways nothing had changed. I was as invisible now as I ever had been.

Walking through the hallways, there were jeers and catcalls all aimed at me, or at least it felt that way. Was I becoming paranoid? The one thing I couldn’t get over: I felt good about myself. I didn’t need "this." I’m not sure why knowing that made it easier for me, but it did. I had no feelings of hopelessness about anything! Being at peace with myself made all the difference in the world.

Darla and I shared several laughs as Mr. Baum took attendance. At least he got my name right this time. I responded in the affirmative when he called out "Ms. Peters." I wasn’t sure if I simply made him uncomfortable or whether he was more deeply upset than he let on. Of course, several of my classmates went on with the teasing comments. I could tell that something ugly was brewing. I guessed that all I could do was ignore it and simply take it as it comes. My defenses were always at the ready.

Another school day sped by before I really realized that I was there. I found myself thinking of just what the seating arrangements would be in the cafeteria come Monday. Sam was waiting for me outside when the final bell rang. "You waiting for a walk to another free lunch?" I asked him upon exiting. He laughed at that and told me he was just waiting for his best girl. He looked past me upon saying that over to where Shelly Hazlet was standing and I just had to punch him in the shoulder. He feigned injury but made no attempt to retaliate.

"Come on, lets go get some fuel for that bottomless pit of yours." He smiled at me, took my hand and began marching me off in the direction of the Inn.

"Isn’t everything just perfect?" he asked me seriously as we began our trek. I had no idea how to respond to that. Perfect? Not by a long shot. Still, things really weren’t ‘bad." Hell, all things considered, I guess that I didn’t have any complaints.
We arrived at our destination. Thankfully, the front door wasn’t locked. We walked inside and I listened as Sam oohed and ahhed over the condition of the stairwell. I shrugged my shoulders by way of a response.

"If you two want anything to eat, you’re going to have to make it yourselves," Aunt Melissa screamed down the stairs at us.

"Well Sam, there you go. If you want your charbroiled hamburger, you’re going to have to make it yourself," I said while staring him in the eye. He looked a bit disappointed. But, not so disappointed that he wouldn’t head on into the kitchen and fire up the grill.

"You guys want any burgers?" I screamed up the stairs. They both replied enthusiastically in the affirmative. It seemed Aunt Melissa and Jared would be joining us for lunch. It’s weird, but I felt more pride in that stairwell than I did about the rest of the work I’d done on the building. I gently caressed the banister as I ascended the stairs. I figured Sam could handle the kitchen and went to check on my employees. They were both at work in the communal baths. Jared appropriately in the men’s room and Auntie M in the ladies. "You two do nice work! I’m going to have to give myself a raise!" I laughed aloud.

"We really should be ready to turn this over to the new owners in another week and a half," I commented. "Why don’t you two get cleaned up for lunch and I’ll see you downstairs." With that I washed my own hands and headed down into the kitchen to join Sam. While he manned the grill, I began assembling plates. Burgers, pickles, cole slaw, potato salad, and chips.

"You know Joan? There’s something about this place. It just feels like home," Sam said to me as he continued to work. It felt strange to hear him say that, but the thing was, I knew exactly what he was talking about. I had the same feelings for the Inn. With Jared here the work was going a lot faster. It would have actually wound up costing more if I’d done all the work myself. I walked up quietly behind Sam and reached my arms around him. I poked him gently right in the sides. He jumped about three feet in the air and laughed. I loved him so!

Everyone arrived down at the counter and I seated them and began setting their places. "You’re a natural waitress, sweetheart," Jared said to me and smiled. I started to get angry when I realized he was just busting my chops. Sam transferred the burgers to the buns and carried a few plates out to the counter.

"I can’t believe how perfect the floors came out down here, Jared. I’m sure they’ll be able to get top dollar for those rooms." He smiled at me and told me that had been the plan. "I wonder if they’re going to keep the name: Ryan Inn? It might be time for a change. Jared and Auntie M shared a secret smile. Sometimes I wondered whether or not I was invisible. Those who loved me seemed not to hear me as well sometimes. Was there something about me that caused them to do that? .

Sam finished up his second burger and leaned back on the stool. "Don’t fall over there!" I warned. He laughed at my warning and told me he had no intentions of falling anywhere. While I did the cleaning up, Sam sat there and announced to the group at large that his first trimester was officially over. I guess I hadn’t been paying that close attention. How the hell could I have missed that? I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. Aunt Melissa and Jared clasped hands and smiled into one another’s eyes.

With the kitchen all squared away and Sam announcing that he was headed home for a nap, I went upstairs with Jared and he showed me two of the bedrooms that were ready to accept paint. Paint: this was how it had all started. I really enjoyed painting rooms. I had to admit there was more satisfaction to be had from being in charge of the entire project, but I really liked painting.

It still struck me as odd that I had a real job. Not just some kid type of paper route or snow shoveling in the winter, but a real job. By the time six o’clock rolled around, I had both of the guest rooms painted. Jared and Aunt Melissa were lost in some kind of private communication. I had to get home, get some food for Sam and make my way over to the Raspberry’s.

I could smell the chicken cooking as I walked through the front door. I could hear voices coming from the kitchen. Mom and Aunt Alice were busily preparing dinner. It felt strange to encounter mom over here at Aunt Alice’s. Sam was nowhere in attendance. Would I rather be home taking care of things, or was I happier out in the world making a pay check? Yeah, I could be just as happy doing either, but the need for funds was there and I had the knack for getting jobs.

"So, how’s your Aunt doing with her young hunk?" Mom asked as I walked into the room. A look of horror swept across my face. "Don’t look so shocked Joan. If anyone deserves a bit of happiness, my older sister does. Why don’t you go upstairs and retrieve your husband," she said and chuckled. They didn’t have to ask me twice. I practically ran up the stairs and just as I was about to shake him awake, I couldn’t help but stop and stare. He really looked angelic laying there with his arm wrapped around Josam.

I leaned over, kissed him gently on the ear lobe, and whispered: "Sam… dinner’s ready." He may not have been born male, but Sam Peters was a stereotypical male if such a thing were said to exist. "Come on you big lug! We have to eat and get over to Aunt Vivian’s."

He got up and stretched his arms wide while making outrageous noises for all the world to hear. It was almost embarrassing. With his arms stretched high and wide, I poked him in the gut and made a mad dash for the door. He was just a step and a half behind. I was careful going down the stairs. I didn’t want to take a chance that Sam might hurt himself. Maybe I was being overly cautious? It just seemed like the right thing to do.

We all gathered at the Peters’ kitchen table. In all my fourteen years I couldn’t ever remember the four of us together at this table before. It was almost weird. "So, Joan, how do you like the new school year?" Aunt Alice asked in a way that I couldn’t read. Was she being sincere or taunting? From the look that mom gave her, I could tell that she wasn’t sure either. I had no desire to confess anything to her, so I told her that all was as well as could be expected. Mom gave me a look which suggested approval at my response, and Sam just sat there trying to decide what to swallow next. I knew he saw everything that I did, but he never let it get to him the way it affected me.

Dinner finished, I made Sam help me clean up and we made our apologies to the grandmothers. I couldn’t help but smile when I looked at those two beautiful, relatively young women and thought of them as ‘grandmothers.’

All the way over to Darla’s, Sam kept talking about how excited he was to be joining the band, even if it only was in this very limited fashion. I wasn’t really sure how I felt about that. Would he have welcomed me on his baseball team? Yeah, I suppose he would have, even if I played like a girl. There was still a part of me that rebelled at my loss of status. I didn’t view myself as weaker than any boy in any way. I was at least as capable as the next person in anything except competitive sports, I thought and laughed aloud.

Sam looked at me curiously and asked me just what was so funny. I responded in a way that left him thinking that I had no idea what he was talking about. Thankfully, he let it go. We arrived at the Raspberry home and Aunt Vivian opened the door. She seemed surprised to see Sam there with me. "Ah, perfect! I was wondering when I was going to get the chance to talk to the both of you." She said. A look of terror swept across Sam’s face. Both Aunt Viv and I broke out in laughter. "Sam, the kids are waiting for you downstairs," she said. She didn’t have to tell him twice. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Sam move quite that fast before.

"You know Joan, it probably would be a good idea for me and Sam to get together." I nodded in agreement, but I knew the likelihood of that happening was somewhere south of zero. "So, how’s the new school year treating you?" I could tell by the way she asked the question that Darla had been filling her in along the way. We went in and sat down at the kitchen table. Aunt Viv poured us both a cup of coffee. Aunt Vivian sat there and lit her cigarette. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had one. The urge, desire, need was more than I could take. I began rooting through my purse furiously in search of the evil weed. Finally, Aunt Vivian pushed her pack over in my direction. Contributing to the delinquency of a minor flashed through my mind. I smiled sheepishly and removed one from the pack.

I lit it, inhaled deeply and began my tale. "I’m not really sure how things are going yet. Sometimes I get the feeling that serious trouble is waiting just around the corner. Most of the people I’ve come into contact with have been kind and supporting, but there is a certain minority that keeps me on my toes. I guess I’m just not as relaxed as I used to be. I find myself always a bit more alert than I had been in the past. Never quite sure just what’s going to happen next. And some of the comments people make to me, well they give me pause." I went on that way for the entire hour. I couldn’t believe that I had so much to say on the subject. Still, I wondered whether my feelings were normal for a teenage girl, or whether they were a reflection of my beginnings. All in all, I felt better when our talk was over, so it must be having some positive effect?

Aunt Viv dismissed me (at least it felt that way) and asked me to go and ask Sam to come up and talk to her. A nervous laugh escaped my throat. I told her I’d try and made my way down into the basement. "Joan!!!" Sam screamed excitedly. "This is incredible! I had no idea that the sound engineer had such power," he laughed.

"Joan, I’m a bit in awe myself. I’ve never seen anyone take to the sound board the way that Sam has. He simply seems to know intuitively all the right buttons to push and levers to move," Fred announced proudly. "With Sam handling the sound, we’ll have that much more of an edge. Steve is good, but just doesn’t have the natural talent that Sam seems to have for it."

I was still undecided whether or not Fred was being nice to Sam or whether he meant his praise. It didn’t really matter I guess. What mattered was that Sam seemed to believe it and he was happy. "Sam, Aunt Viv wants to see you up in the kitchen," I said softly to him. His entire body almost seemed to freeze with fear. "It’s all right sweetheart, you go and talk to her and we’ll go over the songs one more time," I said and smiled up at him. He seemed unreasonably nervous. I assured him he had nothing to worry about and actually walked him back up the stairs. I told him that I needed to get some more coffee. He was so wrapped up in his own worries that he didn’t examine my motives too closely.

He took a few deep breaths and went into the kitchen to talk to her. I thought about following him in and grabbing some more coffee, but I really didn’t want any more. Besides, I thought it might make it that much more difficult when I actually did leave. I shook my head from side to side, turned around and made my way back downstairs.

"So, should we go over the songs one more time?" I asked upon arriving. Fred thought that might be a good idea, but only if Sam was there to work with us. I was almost glad in a way. I felt like any more practice of the tunes would be overworking them. We’d be burning up some of the magic that rested within them. Yes, I know that sounds totally insane. I was half tempted to blame it on the hormones and began laughing out loud. I was positive that I was the only one who would see the humor in the situation.

For the next half an hour we sat there talking and listening to some new tunes. Well, new tunes as far as the band was concerned. Finally, Sam came back down the stairs. He didn’t seem any worse for wear. "So, are you three ready to give it a real trial run?" He asked as he came over to hug me. We picked up our instruments and went at it. Long enough to go over our three contest entries. Sam seemed to smile wider at the completion of each tune. It was almost ten o’clock when we decided to call it a night. I began wondering if I’d ever get a chance to speak with Darla in private again. It seemed no matter how good things were going in my life that I could always find something to complain about.

We said our goodnights and I told Darla I’d see her at school in the morning. "Do you think we’ll ever have a home as nice as all that?" Sam asked as we made our way back to Chez Peters. His question had hit me from left field. I had no idea how to respond.

"Well, when you make the New York Yankees starting rotation, yeah maybe we can buy an even bigger home," I said to him. But, I didn’t laugh. He eyed me suspiciously. He decided overall that I wasn’t being glib or facetious. "Sam, I’m sorry. I’m not really sure what tomorrow’s going to bring at this point. I’m reasonably sure that we’ll be able to provide for our family and give them what they need. As for all the extra frills, who knows?" Still, I thought, it would be nice to have all the little extras. Then again, extras weren’t necessities. I decided that it wasn’t worth worrying about and said as much to Sam. With a bit of a laugh I started singing: "Whatever tomorrow brings, I’ll be there…" He kissed me gently on my right temple as we continued to walk.

Tomorrow, just one more short day of school. The real fun would begin next week. Home schooling seemed to be more appealing all the time. Sam and I even though we were best friends, we’d never really studied together. I began wondering whether or not we could make the transition into a team that actually worked together. Sam found it hard to believe that I could actually have gone to school totally unprepared the way that I had on Tuesday. I attempted to explain to him that I was avoiding everything. I kept thinking/hoping that if I just ignored it, that it would all go away. Of course, it never did. Anyway, I got my name thing all straightened out. No one seemed terribly put out by my appearance, though I wasn’t sure just how long all of that was going to last.

"Sam, you could really help me out by going over the math with me quickly, instead of making me suffer with the text going over it all page by page," I said to him as we went inside. He eyed me carefully as if trying to decide just how to handle the situation. In a way I didn’t really care, I knew I could figure it all out without his help if need be. I figured it would be just one more way we could get a little closer. Perhaps we were already close enough to one another? We went over problems concerning the binomial distribution. I was slightly amazed to see that the teacher was going over new material at this point in the game. It would be harder this year to do better than Sam on a test and then not let him know about it. I seriously wondered/worried whether his ego could handle it.

Once again I felt an attack of the giggles coming on. caught myself before laughing aloud. Not even finished with the first week of school and here I was assuming that I was going to do better than everybody! Still, I was determined. If I was going to go to school at all, I wasn’t going to be wasting my time with the effort. And, maybe being in the same class as Sam would actually be helpful to him. He always loved a good contest. My being there would help keep him on his toes. Besides, I’d be able to see if and where he was having any trouble and I could help him out with it. I know that sounds kind of arrogant, but it’s not, not really. Algebra just seemed so easy to me. Sam was good at it too, still there were a number in the class who were struggling with the concepts. I found myself hoping that for their sake as well as ours that they (or we) would be moved to a different section.

Too tired to look at the pages anymore, I turned off the lights and reached out for my husband in the dark. I could tell that he was devising a plan of his own. His plan being: to conquer me. He reached out with a vise like grip and tried to hold me in place. I slid about like an eel and bit him playfully on the thigh as he still attempted to overcome me with brute strength. "Are you ready to give up yet?" I had to ask. He actually laughed and redoubled his efforts. I slid quickly between his legs and came at him from behind. At first I thought I had him totally baffled. After awhile I realized that he was just playing with me.

I decided to return the favor and gently nibbled on the excess flesh surrounding his shoulder blades. My hands began massaging where my teeth had just been. He began moaning in anticipation and appreciation. Slowly but surely our mouths found each other. Was it really true that we’d just turned fourteen a few months ago? I felt ageless in his embrace. As if all the wisdom of the universe resided within me and also like I was a visitor to this strange and wonderful planet. Here for the first time and discovering my one true love. I didn’t really understand the connection, but I was so happy that I cried. The tears flowed down my cheeks furiously as we embraced over and over again.

Finally, he rolled over spent and embraced one of the teddy bears. I took one last opportunity to nibble on his exposed ear lobe and giggled softly for him to hear. I love you Sam. I’ll always love you. Goodnight sweetheart. With those few words I closed my eyes and I was gone…Sleeping soundly, ready to face Friday and whatever it might have to throw in my path.