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by Maeryn Lamonte
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Melanie Ezell's big closet ultimate writer's challenge - An Ordinary Girl
“Ok sweetie, be safe.” “Sure, see you later.” |
I always feel a little nervous walking past groups of youngsters around here. Most likely echoes of what they've done to me in the past, but my fears are unfounded now. One of them looks at me as I saunter past - Bobby Daventry. Last year he dragged me into the public bogs and jammed my head down a recently used and unflushed toilet. It took me hours under the shower before I'd felt clean after that.
I twitch an eyebrow in his direction and he ducks his head, reddening. It seems impossible that he doesn't recognise me, and I struggle to suppress a smile as I walk by, the staccato clack of my heels declaring my presence, my right to be here. I ignore the low wolf-whistle, the muttering, the snickers. They're directed at a girl and don't require any acknowledgement.
Around the corner I stop to check my appearance in a shop window. The dress is rather short and I tug at the hem, wary of showing what nobody wants to know is there. Primroses and lace though. I mean who could resist it? I brush an errant lock of hair back behind my ear and check my face over. Everything in place.
It's still me under here. Between the outer appearance and the inner attitude, I still wear the skin of a young man. A sort of man sandwich if you will, only with more bread now. I suppose it's not surprising that Bobby doesn't recognise me though, there's not a lot left of who I used to be.
My parents hadn't liked the idea at first, but when I came home with a fractured wrist and two cracked ribs courtesy of the local yobs, they finally agreed to my solution. The story was that I was my cousin, that my mum's sister agreed to the swap to give me a break from the bullying. Dad doesn't like it; says it's like committing fraud, but I don't feel like a fraud, just like me at last. As a boy, I'd always been small, nondescript, a prime target for the alphas and betas, and pretty much everyone else right up to the omegas where I used to be. Now with a proper haircut, more suitable clothes, and a little help from the medical profession, the only thing that's left of who I used to be lurks unseen and unwanted beneath my swirling skirts.
I check my watch, delicate, small dial, lady's watch of course. Cary and Michelle will be waiting. Last year they wouldn't have given me time of day, but now I'm just another one of the girls and it feels so good to belong. Appearance is everything, so they say. Lipsy have their new range in today, and we have shopping to do. I settle my bag on my shoulder and head towards the mall with renewed vigour.
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Comments
Contentment
RAMI
It seems our new unnamed girl is happy about her new appearance. She also feels safe from the idiots in her life, which happen to include her new best girl friends.
Now that she is in the "In Crowd", a part of the alphas or betas I wonder how she will treat the omegas. Will she make their lives better or persecute them.
RAMI
RAMI
Primroses and Lace
Is this a stand alone, or the beginning of a new story?
May Your Light Forever Shine
May Your Light Forever Shine
Standalone
Melanie Ezell challenge. Short story less than 500 words.
I'll put numbers on anything that's planned as a serial.
I like her confidence
You've packed a lot of story & sense of her personality into the 500 word limit. Glad that life is so much better for her, much like Eric "The Plague"s pariahdom turned to acceptance in Anistasia Allread's series. But the falseness of it, having to maintain total stealth with even her so-called friends, that's gotta be a little lonely at the end of the day. In the logic of stealth, I guess it goes: "This is who I truly am, so this is all people need to know about me." But I don't know if I could shake the gnawing "if they only knew they'd hate me all over again" stuff that would make their friendship like a sham. Still I suppose it's better than being chased across the Australian wastelands by jabbering psychotic murderous crackheads in dune buggies (still working on that comment)...
~~hugs, Veronica
What borders on pure insanity?
Canada and Mexico.
.
I agree...
...but the challenge called for an easily passing TG character. Who knows? This is just an episode in a story, and we do well to embrace what happiness each day offers.
Living in the Present
There are "stories" on this site that run to several tens of thousand words that don't have as much to them as this vignette.
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Angela Rasch (Jill M I)
Another good story!
I like it! Short and to the point. No names, but a well described and well written piece!
Now where's the one I was helping you with? I really want to read the whole thing!
Wren
Soon
Working on it.
Patience.
Oh poo! (stomps foot)
Oh, okay. Darn!
Love you!
Wren
Very sad, in a way
I agree with the comments concerning the obvious shallowness of her so-called "friends," and it says a lot about how desperate she, as a character, is for acceptance, that she would choose to seek friendship with those she knows would disavow her if they knew about her past over seeking true friends, who would support her no matter what.
Not that I disapprove of being stealth, but it does concern me to see people ignore their past experiences when choosing who to grow close to, since ignoring the knowledge gained from such is a sure-fire way to end up hurting yourself.
A very good entry, and surprisingly scary, an emotion I never expected to feel from this particular challenge.
Melanie E.
I wasn't going for scary
I guess I can see where you're coming from though. Depends on how real life you want to make this story. Anyone who goes stealth takes serious risks.
D=
It was over 500 words! I'll let it slide though. You pull off "cheeky" rather well. ^_^
Not over 500 words...
...if you don't count the teaser. Either that or OpenOffice word count doesn't work. Main body comes to 482 by my count.
:oP
Dang...
We have to check that we are checking our checkers? What's goin' on? =P
Nice, I've always liked that look
on a girl. Nicely short, well written too both are hard to do. I have huge problems with writing a good short story. But still very good.
Bailey Summers
Ups, nerdrage sry
sry I got a nerdrage attack yesterday. The rationalisation of your character just pissed me off.
I've got a question though. Is physical violence as described in the story really accepted by the authorities? I know that in germany they won't tollerate any physical violence (except perhaps you live in a ghetto where the police doesn't dare to go). Thus I found the situation very strange.
The story caused me really going into (nerd)rage. I don't know if something like that was intended, but it did that very good ;) This story is what? About 500 words long and it still did that much.
Thank you for writing, I guess it just brought back bad memories.
Beyogi
"Accepted by the authorities"?
What authorities? None are mentioned in the story. Are you under the impression that such intimidation and assault could happen only under the direct eye of police or school officials? I can't make any other sense out of your question. "Accepted by the authorities"? Of course not. What does that have to do with the story?
Hugs,
Erin
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.
His getting bullied and
His getting bullied and beaten up is obviously a recurring event. In the age of mobile phone cameras they should be able to gather some prove and get the bullies convicted.
He gets beaten up, that is a fact. If that happens during school time it is the schools duty to prevent it. If it constantly happens after school the police has to interfere. They beat him until he had to go to the hospital. No way that this is normal bullying.
He knows who beat him up, so if they get the police to help there should be a possibillity to arrest the bullies and stop it once and for all.
I can understand that he might be too intimidated to do something, but his parents should if they're worth anything.
If he's a constant target of violence and the police doesn't do anything to stop it, they obviously accept it. They have more than enough possibilities to convict the bullies.
It seems to be a bit unreal, that he needs to dissappear to stop the bullying. I can't believe that the authorities are that weak that they're uanble to protect a known target of constant violence.
I can see your point but...
...things like this happen regardless. Mobile phones with cameras can be stolen or destroyed as part of the violence. In youth culture there is an "us and them" thing going on with the authorities (school or police) which means that going to them and complaining about the aggressive behaviour of anyone who attacks you is considered to be more heinous than the initial aggressive behaviour.
There is a downward spiral within the peer group to the affect that, once an individual starts being picked on, most other people end up keeping clear, either to avoid becoming targets themselves or because they develop the unreasonable attitude that there has to be a reason that the person is being picked on.
Many youngsters won't take the situation to their parents until the one time that goes too far, in some cases because they don't expect a sympathetic ear (What did you do to make these boys attack you? It takes two to start a fight - that kind of thinking) or because they are afraid that their parents will go to the authorities, which would be as bad as if they had don it and would result in them becoming pariahs themselves.
When I was at school I was targeted by bullies and pretty much all of the above applied to me, except I managed to keep away from the shits who wanted to use me as a punch-bag so only had to deal with the ostracism from the rest of the student body. In more recent years as a teacher I have had to deal with some of my pupils being picked on. With no proof and a child too scared to say anything, you can't do much without risking the outrage of the bullies' parents who then accuse you of acting vindictively against their own children. As it was, my efforts to help the victims and try and find evidence against the bullies ended up with them turning on me. It's amazing how unpleasant things can get when rumours start flying around, regardless of how unfounded. It's one of the reasons I no longer teach.
The story, such as it is, isn't that realistic, but the response to the problem was the MC's idea and was intended to suggest a little more depth to the choice. If, when I had been struggling with the the bigger morons in my school, I could have reinvented myself as a girl and got away with it, I would have been more than tempted. It may be that part of why I was picked on was that I don't (ok didn't) have an aggressive bone in my body. I like to think I would have made a better girl.
Yeah stuff happens, but
Yeah stuff happens, but there is a big difference between beeing picked on and beeing the punching bag. Everyone can be the first one... I've been there :( But becoming the punching bag is something else entirely.
I don't know if I'm just that agressive, but if someone hurts me, I'll hurt hum or her back as much as I can get away with. Using every tool available. I personally can't understand kids who are the but and the victim of the whole "youth culture" not fighting back using authority.
He was beeing beaten up, beeing victim of an easily proovable crime and fears the reaction of his peers who victimise him anyway?
Screw them... If he get's his bullies convicted, then they have reason to fear him. He won't be popular, but bullying will stop. I mean how stupid do you need to be attacking someone who got some other stupid idiots into prison for attacking him. That is no bully victim, that is just a small person who is dangerous.
I guess I have a too big fighting spirit to really understand that sort of thinking. I was social outcast for beeing queer (well I thought I was a normal heterosexual guy, but I was kind of alone there ^^). I can understand that someone wants to flee the constant picking and bullying. You can't do anything against that. Even if you have proof, nothing will happen to the bullies. Verbal bullying isn't that bad, they think.
Physical violence is easily proovable and condemned by society though. It is a sign of war against that person and in war everything is allowed. If you can't push them down yourself you have to use authority. Your character has nothing to loose. Giving up his gender is a sign for that. It is not because he is transgendered or a closet crossdresser, no he just wants his peace.
The girl solution isn't that bad, if you can'T change schools, but he should have stopped the bullies as himself before. I mean if he wants to dissappear anyway, than what does he care for his reputation?
In the end I don't understand why people who have the reputation to be the school victim, number one outcast or something similarily bad give a shit about the opinions of people who hate them. I never really did. It just hurts when people whom you thought your friends start the crap too. The good thing is, if you're there you can pull about everything that would damage your reputation. Lower than zero isn't possible.
Victims...
...aren't born but made. If you have that natural fighting instinct, then you have a defence against the pressures that lead that way. This is good for you personally, but dangerous for those around you. Your growth will be to learn to temper the anger, control it and be more sensitive to how your actions affect others.
For many, myself included, the fight doesn't come so easily. It isn't a bad thing, I mean many men and women are the same way, and with the right nurturing grow into beautiful people. Vulnerable perhaps, but beautiful nonetheless, worthy of protecting. Those that aren't, quite often end up in abusive relationships, justifying the violence done to them. For people such as them, such as me, growth is to find an inner strength to stand against the aggression. I can do that now, but when I was younger it was so hard to find the courage to stand, and eventually so easy to believe that there was nothing I could do to stop the unpleasantness except run and hide.
You keep saying the crime is easily provable, but when they wait for you in secluded spots, when they only attack where no-one is watching, when they band together to provide their own alibis or intimidate others into lying for them, then all you can prove is that a crime took place. Beyond that it's your word against theirs and never enough proof to have them convicted. After that they find ways to escalate their attacks against you in order to teach you a lesson.
We probably won't find common understanding in this. As conciliator I would say if we can't find a way to agree, then let us at least agree to disagree. As Voltaire once said, "I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it."
Sweet
Short and sweet
hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna