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Editor Note: The images used for this story were purchased and used under royalty-free license* from iStockphoto.com . ~Sephrena
Author Note: Please email me at AngelJediGirl (at) gmail (dot) com before posting this story to any other site. Posting to a pay site is prohibited.

Comments and suggestions are also welcome at the above email address.

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Sarah Carerra Book 2: Summer Medley

Chapter 2.36 - My Hero

I woke up on Sunday with a smile on my face. Yesterday had been one of the best days of my life. I'd spent a lot of time with Mom over the years, but never had it been as fun as yesterday afternoon had been. I wished that there was something that I could do to tell Mom just how much she meant to me.

I was sitting in my room alone after church, listening to the countdown. I had hoped that Emily or Ethan would come over, but they had their own commitments today. Mom was in the kitchen making a cake. Dad and Austin had gone somewhere, but I didn't know where.

As I expected, 'You Can't Hurt Me' wasn't listed before the top 5. It wasn't likely it had fallen of the list entirely, so I knew it was only a matter of time until they played it. I hoped that it made it to the top.

There was a soft knock on the open door to Sarah's room while song number five was playing. I looked up to find Mom standing there.

"Can I join you?" she asked hopefully. I smiled and started to lift myself from where I was lying across the couch. She quickly made her way over to the couch and sat in the spot that I had vacated. She surprised me by pulling my head back down into her lap, where she started to stroke my hair. We sat there for a while waiting for the song to be played.

"You knew it was inevitable," the DJ said after the song that had been on top last week was over. "Every song has to fall off the countdown at some point. But there is a sense of irony in the fact that Sarah Carerra has returned to take back the spot CrayZ took from her just three weeks ago by pulling his #1 hit off the top of the charts. With people already assuming that this song is on its way to winning a number of awards, we proudly present this week's top song, Sarah Carerra's "You Can't Hurt Me'."

As the song started playing, I felt surprised at the words that the DJ had spoken. I had not realized that there had only been one song on top since 'Intuition' had fallen. I had always stopped listening after my own songs were played. I couldn't believe that I had managed to grab two number one spots nearly back-to-back!

I sat there, listening to the song with Mom. She continued to stroke my hair, and every time that I looked up at her I could see the love and appreciation that she had shown me all day yesterday shining through once again. As we listened to the song I had written, I started to feel it.

Scott wanted me to write another song for the concert tour. I had been trying to find the emotions and feelings that were always the beginning of the inspiration for a song. Staring up into my mother's eyes, I found it.

I still didn't know exactly what to write about, but I knew it was only a matter of time now. Whenever I felt like this, a song wasn't far behind.

When the song was over, my mom sat there for a few more minutes stroking my hair as I tried to find a tune, some words, anything that would let me know where this song was supposed to go. But eventually she wanted to get back to her cake, and I could see it in her eyes. I smiled up at her and raised myself up so that she could go.

"Would you like to help me get dinner ready?" she asked.

"I can't," I replied. As much as I wanted to help her in that moment, I knew that I had to find the rest of my inspiration. It was just out of reach, and I knew that it was waiting for me to find it. I had to keep looking.

Mom was disappointed, but I knew that she'd be smiling when she heard the song for the first time. I didn’t know exactly what the song was about yet, but I knew she was going to love it.

She left the room, and I sat back down on the couch, trying to figure out what to do next. I could feel the song bumbling around in my head, but it didn't want to come out. I was going to have to find a way to connect with it. A sudden thought gave me an idea.

I walked out of Sarah's room and down to the front room. On the shelf were family photo albums. I knew that I would find what I was looking for inside one of them. But they weren't there. We'd kept the family photo albums on that shelf for years, but they were gone.

I walked to the door of the kitchen where Mom was pulling the cake out of the oven.

"Where are the photo albums?" I asked her.

She looked up at me for a second, and then had to rush the hot pan to the top of the stove before she could reply. Finally, she turned toward me.

"They're in your father's office," she replied. "We moved them in there with everything else when they were cleaning the carpets the other day. Why?"

"No reason," I said. "I just wanted to look at them."

She was looking at me like she knew I was hiding something, but she didn't say anything else before turning back to the oven. I took the opportunity to head for Dad's office. There were a number of boxes stacked behind his desk, and I figured that the photo albums would be hiding there. Walking around the desk, I noticed a folder sitting in the middle that Dad had drawn a frowny face on. Curiosity got a hold of me at that point, and I lifted the cover to peer inside.

What I found changed my mood instantly. Inside were more endorsements, magazine interviews, and other requests for appearances from or information about Sarah Carerra. But these were obviously the ones that Dad had filtered out before giving the rest to me. The happiness that I had felt at discovering the new song within me started to slip with every page I turned. Some of the requests and endorsements literally started to make me feel sick. My stomach started to hurt. My eyes started to feel heavy. My breathing became labored.

"Did you find them?" broke the pit of despair that was forming in my stomach. I looked up at the door to Dad's office to find my mom standing there. She was staring at me like she knew that I was looking at something that she didn't want me to look at. She either knew what I had found, or could sense the tension and hopelessness that I had started to pour into the air around me.

"Um", I said, trying to find a rock to hold onto in my head. My mom smiled, and sunshine started to brighten the dark world I had fallen into. "No," I replied, and closed the folder. I then let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding.

"I told your father not to leave that folder lying around the house," Mom said in a disappointed tone. She had a concerned look on her face as she crossed the room to stand next to me. When she wrapped her arms around me, I couldn't hold the tears back anymore and buried my face in her shoulder. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

Sarah Carerra had, for the most part, always been a happy part of my life. But looking at some of the despicable things that those people wanted me to do, or things they thought I'd be willing to endorse, I could only find despair. How could they even ask a 16-year old girl to do some of that stuff?

Mom held me while I let it all out. I knew that there would be people out in the world who would try to take advantage of me. I knew that there were people who would try to bend my self-image to their own desires. But they simply did not have a clue! I had more than one song that talked about how they couldn't control my destiny. And 'You Can't Hurt Me' very specifically told them that I was my own person. I didn't want anything to do with the stuff that was in that folder!

"Why didn't he just shred them or burn them?!" I exasperatedly asked my mom once the tears started to die down. I couldn't understand why that file even existed!

"Your dad said that he was going to write them a strongly worded response," she replied while pulling me closer. "But I agree with you. We should have just burned them."

She held me for a few more moments, while I slowly calmed down. When I stepped back and out of her arms, I had to return the loving smile that she gave me.

"Are you going to be alright?" she asked me.

"Yes," I replied and then turned toward the boxes. I wanted to get the albums and get out of there. Mom pointed to a box sitting on the floor that was labeled 'Photo Albums'. That seemed to be the likely place to start, and I grabbed the box and followed her out of the office. The more space there was between me and that horrid file, the better. She went back into the kitchen while I took the box into the front room and placed it on the coffee table.

Pushing the bad thoughts that had invaded my mind away, I closed my eyes and concentrated on that feeling that I had felt in Sarah's room. I was thankful when it started to build up within me again. I had worried that the episode in Dad's office would have crushed that feeling. But other than the fact I knew the song was about my mom, I still didn't know anything about it yet.

Pulling the cover off the box, I found the photo albums stacked neatly inside. I started to pull them out and go through each of them. I laughed a bit at some of the antics we'd had over the years, but I still couldn't find what I was looking for. It wasn't until I pulled the second to last album out that I found it.

I had never seen this photo album before. It was pink, for one thing. Most of the other albums were a dark burgundy color. Flipping the album over so that I could see the front, I gasped!

I was scared to open the album when I saw the words stitched onto the front panel, which was made of some type of cloth or soft blanket. In fact, it looked a lot like the old baby blanket I had seen in many of the pictures that I had just looked at. Running my fingers over the stitching, I couldn't help but wonder why 'Megan' was embroidered across the front.

With trepidation, I slowly lifted the cover. The first page was a dedication, but it didn't make any sense to me.

"To our loving daughter," it read. "As long as you continue to give us these memories, they'll have a place to call home within this book." Mom and Dad's signatures followed the dedication, followed by a date. But the date is what really threw me off. It was dated at six months after I had been born!

Slowly turning the page once more, my breath stuck in my throat at what I saw. Baby pictures. MY baby pictures. But it wasn't me. It wasn't the same person that I had seen in all of the other albums. It was Megan! Sure, it was the same baby, but she was dressed in pretty newborn clothes that definitely told anyone who saw her what her gender was. Pinks were prevalent all around.

And that smile...That smile was amazing. She looked so happy! None of my other baby pictures had that type of smile.

I turned the page. She was older now, perhaps three months or so. But just as feminine and still smiling. The next page was the same at six months. It continued that way, page after page, until I turned the page once more and found a five-year-old little girl in a pretty dress standing next to Mom at a park.

I nearly dropped the book. With shaky hands I had to place it on the coffee table before I retreated back to the couch, pulling my legs up to my chest and hugging them. This couldn't be happening!

I remembered that day. I remembered it clearly. That was one of the best days of my life! It had just been Mom and me that day. She took me to the park, and then we went to a movie before she took me out to eat. It was the first time I had ever spent the entire day with her alone.

But I didn't remember the dress. I didn't remember the long hair that the girl sported. I didn't remember the way Mom looked at me in those photos. It was the same look I had gotten used to seeing from her since becoming Megan. A look she had never given to me before this summer.

Or so I had thought.

"Mom?" I shakily said. I wasn't even sure if it had been loud enough for her to hear, but I couldn't speak any louder at that moment.

She heard me, though. Soon she was standing at the door to the kitchen. I was still staring at the book, but I knew she was there.

"Yes, honey?" she asked me, not aware of what I had just discovered.

"What is this?" I stammered and vaguely made a motion toward the album. She took a few steps toward me, and then I heard her own intake of breath when she saw what I was looking at. She quickly stepped around the couch and then sat down next to me. Then she did the only thing I didn't want her to do. She grabbed the book and placed it on our lap to where we could see it better. It felt like it was burning my skin where it touched.

"These are some of my favorite memories," she said. I didn't have to look at her to know that she had a large smile on her face. I could hear it in her voice.

"But where did they come from?" I asked. I wanted to push the book off my lap again, but I couldn't move my arms. All I could do was stare at the smile on that little girl.

Mom sensed my distress immediately, and she kissed me on the side of the head before leaning against me for reassurance.

"Honey, Megan has been around since the day you were born," she said. "She didn't come into being after your accident. She didn't come into being this summer. She was there from the beginning."

I started to speak, but Mom gently put her finger against my mouth.

"Don't be mad," she said. "This is what you wanted. I fought it at first. We were in a department store the first time it happened. I was buying you some new clothes, but you kept reaching toward all of the girl's stuff. You were too young to grab anything, but I could see where you were looking and reaching. Then you would cry when I'd move the cart away. On a whim, I bought one set of girl's newborn clothes for you. The day I dressed you up, you smiled like I had never seen you smile before." I looked over at her, and her face was glazed over in the happy memory.

"But..." I started to say. Yet I didn't know what I was going to tell her. I closed my mouth again and looked at the new page that Mom had turned to. I was eight. It was another of the times that I had spent the day with my mom. It was also another of my favorite memories. "How?"

"How what?" she asked, not sure what I wanted to know. "How come you don't remember?"

I nodded. I didn't remember any of this!

"After your accident, you suppressed a lot of this," she said. "You rarely dressed up as Megan when growing up, but it stopped completely after your accident. At least, it stopped until your cousin got you in that dress. Then it started all over again. Every once in a while you would dress up as Megan again, and it got harder and harder for you to take off the clothes again as you grew older. I had a feeling it was only a matter of time before Megan joined us permanently. I guess it makes sense now that we know the truth about who you really are. But back then, I just wanted you to be happy."

I sat there, stunned. This didn't make any sense to me. Someone would have told me about this. "But, Emily and Ethan..."

"They didn't know, Megan," Mom said. "Nobody knew. It was always just you and me. Your father knew, but he didn't want to be involved. We made them mother/daughter days."

I didn't know what to say. As we continued to look through the album, I could only gape at myself in each picture. All of the best memories of spending time with my mother were in that book. I remembered every single one of those days, but I didn't remember being dressed up like that. I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

I knew one thing for sure, though. I'd had the best days with my mother.

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"That was your mom again," Emily said while hanging up the phone in her room. I knew it was time to go home. After seeing the photo album earlier, I did the only thing I could. I grabbed it and my guitar and made a beeline for the safety of Emily's house. I refused to return home for dinner. I knew Mom would be upset with me for running away like I had. But I couldn't do what I needed to do with her around.

"I guess I better go," I said.

"Just one more time?" Emily pleaded with me. She gave me the ‘puppy dog’ look too, and I had to smile.

"Okay," I told her, laughing at her ability to get me to play again. "But this is the last time. My mom is probably worried that I'm upset about the album. She's probably a basket case right now."

"She is," Emily agreed. Emily had just finished talking to her, so I now knew I was going to be in trouble when I returned home. But first things first.

I strummed my guitar once more before launching into the song again. Since the moment I had walked into Emily's room I had spent all of my time working on it, save for a short break for dinner with her family. Emily had sat patiently by for hours, doing nothing but listening as I pulled the tune out of my head followed by the words that told my mom just how great the days I had spent with her had been.

I knew Mom was worried about me after what had happened this afternoon, but she didn't need to be. I had been shocked to discover the album, and the photos within. But it didn't take me long to realize that the reason they had been the best days of my life was because they were the only days while growing up that I had spent as my true self. My mom had given me a gift that I could never truly repay her for.

It still felt slightly weird to try and correlate my memories with the pictures in the album, but there was no doubt in my mind that they had happened. I knew that I was going to have to have a long talk with Mary about this next Saturday, but until then there was only one thing I needed to do.

I finished playing the song for Emily. This would be one of the last times I would have a chance to play it until I could find some secret time to finish it with the band. Mom's birthday was in two weeks, on the day before my first concert. I knew it was the perfect gift to give her on that day. But that meant keeping it a secret from both of my parents, because Dad was so bad at keeping presents a secret. I had to tell him that I had a new song for the tour like Scott wanted, but I could refuse to let him hear it.

Emily sighed and leaned her head back against the headboard of her bed. I smiled at her reaction. If she liked this song that much, I could only wonder what it would do to my mom. I had awakened this morning wanting to do something special for her. Now I had given her the ultimate present I knew how to give.

As I placed my guitar back into its case, I smiled at what this song was truly about. It wasn't just about my mom. No, it was about 'My Hero'.

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