Joan and Jared get to know each other better. Sam cooks dinner! Joan worries about returning to school on the morrow...

Chapter 13

It’s My Life

Monday morning: Labor Day. I laughed as I realized that it would indeed be a day of labor for me. I left Sam sleeping peacefully and went to get ready. I stopped off at Mom’s just to check on her. I knew Aunt Melissa wouldn’t be there, and with the library closed, I knew there wouldn’t be any way that Mom would be up if indeed she was home.

I fed Shandy, let her out and ran upstairs to check on things while she took care of her business outside. Her bedroom door was closed. I opened it tentatively and peeked inside. Her bed hadn’t been slept in. Something else to worry about, I thought as I went back downstairs to let the dog in.

I hoped that Mom was alright? I also hoped that she had her cell phone with her. I’d wait till lunch time and try calling her at Dan and Melissa’s. I had to find a way to stop worrying about everyone and everything.

It was early, but I made my way over to the Inn. There was a beat up old station wagon parked in the lot. Someone was stretched out, asleep in the back of the vehicle. I wasn’t going to stick my two cents in. It wasn’t any of my business. Perhaps they’d come here in search of a room and too tired to move onward simply went to sleep in the car. Yeah, right, I thought and laughed aloud.

It was just after eight o’clock when I stood there trying to figure out where to begin. If I started in staining the stairway, and Jared showed up, well then he wouldn’t be able to make it up to the second or third floors. I reasoned that there was plenty enough to keep him busy on the ground floor, got out my tack cloth and carefully went over the exposed wood. I was just getting ready to apply the walnut stain when there was a knock on the front door.

A quick look at my watch told me it was nine o’clock. I looked out the front door to see a smiling Jared staring back at me. He was prompt, if nothing else. I recognized the disheveled shape as being the one asleep in the back of the car. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all?

"Did you sleep well," I asked him giving away that I knew he’d been sleeping in his car. He laughed and told me he’d slept just fine.

I had to ask him. "Why were you sleeping in the back of your car?" He looked me over as if trying to decide whether or not to tell me. He sighed aloud and started.

"I went to check into a nearby motel last night and it seems I had insufficient funds in my account. While I could have paid cash for the room, I figured I’d better go as easy on what funds I had remaining as possible. Any more questions?" he asked with a tone of annoyance in his voice.

"Just one, what do you mean you had insufficient funds in your account? Don’t you keep track of what you’ve got?" He laughed by way of a reply. He told me that "someone" must have wiped out his account yesterday. He said that he’d never have thought that she’d do such a thing. I couldn’t imagine Sam doing such a thing either, but I’d already figured out that it would be best if I kept my checking account separate. He sensed my disbelief and went on.

"Look Joan, there came a point in our relationship where I gave her the access code to my account. Now, that’s the way it is and I really don’t see how it’s any business of yours."

OK, the gloves were off. "Well, aside from the fact that you’re illegally parked in the lot and breaking another law by actually sleeping in your vehicle, I guess it’s not really my business at all. Now why don’t you hit the bathroom, wash the sleep out of your eyes and we can get started." He eyed me with new respect. I made sure that he’d have everything he’d need to paint one of the downstairs bedrooms.

Those were the only two with their own private baths. When I finished doing that, I went to the top of the staircase and began working my way down being extra careful with the oil based stain. Jared didn’t spend a lot of time getting ready and soon began working on the bedroom. I was glad that a detailed explanation wasn’t required.

We worked in silence till there was another knock on the door. It was just after noon and Sam had arrived bearing gifts. I was starving. I ran to the door and let him in. He told me he hadn’t expected that I’d be working today. I hugged him and thanked him for coming. It was time to make the introductions. "Jared, can you come out here for a minute? There’s someone I want you to meet."

He exited the rear bedroom and came out to greet us. His face was covered with a slight smattering of ceiling white. "Jared, this is my husband Sam Peters," I said as proudly and as formally as I knew how. "Sam, this is Jared errr? I’m sorry but I don’t know your last name." He laughed and introduced himself.

"Jared Kingston," he said.

The last name was familiar from somewhere. I wasn’t all that worldly, but I did know a few things about the world around me. "Any relation to Senator Jared Kingston?" I had to ask. He smiled at me and told me if I called him "Junior" he was going to belt me. Jared Kingston had been a member of the US Senate since before I was born. Sam had no idea who he was and couldn’t have cared less.

I could tell that Sam didn’t want to like him. He didn’t barrage me with questions though I guessed he was saving those up for a private conversation later. Jared had an easy way about him. I couldn’t imagine anyone not liking him. Jared recognized Sam’s name as well. "You’re the kid that pitched the Waves to their first championship in a long time, aren’t you? Not only that, you accomplished the feat by throwing a no hitter. I’m impressed."

Sam smiled at him not sure how to respond. I cringed with worry that Sam would inform him that it had actually been a ‘perfect game.’ Thankfully, he didn’t take that tack. It was easy to see that he didn’t know how to return the compliment. He thanked Jared for his well wishes and asked him how he came to be working here with me. Jared openly told him the story of his narrow escape from marriage yesterday. Sam laughed at that in understanding which earned him a punch in the arm from me. He went on to explain our meeting yesterday and told Sam that if Laura had resembled me in any way, he’d have never let her get away.

I blushed at the compliment and Sam accepted it gracefully. It was time to eat some food. I gave Sam his full sub, and I opened up my own smaller one. A moment of awkwardness ensued until Sam took half of his sandwich and handed it to Jared. He accepted it gratefully.

After lunch Jared showed us what he’d accomplished that morning. He was putting the finishing touches on the main bedroom and told me he was going to tackle the attached bath next. He laughed when he said the bath would be much harder. A fair amount of scrubbing would be required before it would be ready to accept any paint. We walked back out into the main hallway and the stain was drying a little lighter than it had looked when it was first applied. It was perfect.

Sam gave his goodbyes telling me that he expected me home by five o’clock. I laughed at his statement initially, but then I could tell that he wasn’t kidding. I told him that wouldn’t be a problem and I’d see him soon. He then asked as he kissed me goodbye if I had my cell phone handy. I began to worry just a bit. Had he seen something in Jared that I’d failed to notice? I realized that if he had, he surely wouldn’t have left me alone with him. I put those thoughts away and got back to work.

With the stain needing overnight to dry properly, my choice of work options became limited. Still, there was more than enough to get done. I filled a bucket with hot sudsy water and began washing away years of accumulated grease from the kitchen walls. I had no idea why they would, but I knew my actions would make Aunt Melissa happy. Jared spent the rest of the afternoon scrubbing out the bathroom.

At four thirty I walked in on him to see how he was coming along. From his ability to get the job done, it hadn’t been a mistake to hire him. He smiled at the look of awe on my face as I took in all that he’d accomplished. The room almost looked fit to occupy as it was. Still, with a fresh coat of paint it would be perfect.

Jared suggested renting a floor sander to get the ground floor bedrooms in perfect shape. He’d ripped part of the tattered rugs away and the oak flooring underneath while worn, was worthy of restoration. The upstairs rooms didn’t have wood flooring, so it wouldn’t be an overwhelming task. I told him I liked the idea and asked him if he had any experience in operating one. He laughed and replied that if he hadn’t, then he wouldn’t have made the suggestion.

He then asked me if I had a key for him. I’d forgotten all about it. He planned on sleeping here this evening. I couldn’t help but wonder why a Senator’s son would be in need of a room in a run down Inn in serious need of restoration. I guessed he had his reasons and decided not to pry. I eyed my surroundings carefully and reasoned that there really wasn’t anything there for him to steal. I smiled at him hesitantly as I handed him my key.

"Don’t worry Joan, I’m not going to rip you off and, I won’t allow anyone else inside the building at all. I’m guessing you won’t be here to greet me tomorrow morning?" he asked by way of conclusion. For awhile there I’d forgotten all about returning to school tomorrow. It had been a good way to spend the last day of summer vacation.

Before saying goodbye I made him promise to keep off the stairway leading up to the second floor. He smiled again and told me not to worry. I told him I’d see him at one o’clock tomorrow afternoon and to just keep track of his hours. He laughed again and told me to stop being such a worry wart. He ushered me to the door and told me he’d see me tomorrow.

"Oh, wait a minute! My Aunt has been helping out too. If you see a middle aged lady that has a strong resemblance to me show up here early tomorrow, that would be her. Please let her in. She knows what has to be done," I said though even I didn’t have a clue as to how to break up the work load at this point.

At five minutes past five I came strolling in the front door. Sam was sitting on the couch reading his book. He seemed a little worried, but didn’t let on. "So, did you get a lot of work done?" he asked. I kept waiting for him to bring up Jared and ask me why I hadn’t mentioned him last night. I was cringing inside cause I really didn’t have a good answer for any of that.

I told him that Jared was a godsend. The work would be finished much faster than I’d originally anticipated. He then asked me when I was going to start dinner. He saw the look of annoyance in my eyes and started laughing. "Dinner is cooking Joan, it should be ready in about half an hour," he smiled at me like he’d just invented a cure for cancer. I guess I was a bit taken aback. Here I was expecting him to attack me and he was being as sweet as could be.

"Our moms are making the salad over at your house," he said and smiled. I was glad Mom was ok. I’d become so busy at work that I’d forgotten all about giving her a call. "Why don’t you go check on the lasagna and get yourself cleaned up a bit." Everything seemed bizarrely normal. It scared me just a wee bit. Still, it seemed everything scared me these days. I was pretty sure a lot of it had to do with thoughts of returning to school tomorrow.

I’d never been afraid of going to school before. I’d always looked forward to the start of a new school year. And now? Well, now I just wanted to run and hide. I had to put on my brave face for Sam at least. Hell, he was returning to school almost three months pregnant. I couldn’t begin to imagine how difficult that might be.

I checked the food. The crust was beginning to crisp nicely. To make sure it didn’t burn in the next ten minutes, I turned the oven temperature way down. I had no idea that Sam knew how to make lasagna. I’d never even attempted it myself. I found myself singing as I washed my face. "Anything Sam can do I can do better," well, except pitching a baseball, or being anybody’s husband. I guess we both had our good and bad points. Besides, I wasn’t being malicious with my singing. It was all in good fun.

I finished up quickly and ran downstairs to ask Sam if he was ready to go. I removed the pyrex container from the oven and covered it with aluminum foil. With my hands firmly ensconced in oven mitts, and my arms extended, I began making my way to the front door. "I hope this is edible," I laughed as I walked past him. He looked like he was going to punch me, but then thought better of it. My hands were weighted down with a very heavy casserole dish.

"You want to get the door for me sweetheart?" I stood there waiting patiently. He was moving as if I’d awakened him from a deep sleep. "Come on Sam, this is heavy!" I offered a little louder this time. He finally got up and opened the door for me. I didn’t have to ask him to open the door at my house, he reached around me and took care of it. Everyone was seated around the dining room table when we walked in.

"So, are you all ready for school tomorrow Joan?" Aunt Alice asked. Was I ready for school? Not by a long shot. How could I ever go back there? I couldn’t tell if her question had been one of genuine caring or whether she was attempting to wind me up. Everyone it seemed, was waiting for my reply.

"As ready as I’ll ever be, I guess." I had no idea what else to say. What did she want to hear? That the prospect of going back there terrified me? That I thought it was all a waste of time anymore? I really didn’t think that. I knew overall that school could be valuable, but there was so much bullshit to wade through along the way. And yeah, the bullshit I could handle. Could they handle me?

I put the dish on the middle of the oak cutting board on the table. Suddenly I was worried whether or not Sam had gotten it right. "If this dish turns out to be poison, don’t blame me," I said and attempted a shallow laugh. With my hands now empty, Sam did punch me in the arm. I winced with pain and he simply smiled at me.

"So, how was your weekend?" I asked the room at large. Nothing. "Don’t everybody speak at once," I tried again. We seemed to be a group of disparate strangers gathered together to share an evening meal.

"It was a wonderful weekend, Joan," Mom said at last. "And yours?" Hell, I hadn’t really cared in the first place. I was just making conversation. If it had been acceptable, I’d have just run up to my room. Then I realized I didn’t have a room here anymore. I felt like the walls were closing in on me. I filled my plate with Sam’s lasagna and tempted fate.

"Sam, you can cook!" He smiled proudly at my pronouncement. My statement seemed to break the ice and soon everyone joined in. It seemed they did indeed have a wonderful weekend. Aunt Alice had gone with Mom and Aunt Melissa to visit Dan and Melissa. They stayed together in a room at the local Ramada Inn. I smiled to myself as I realized we’d had two houses to mess around in and hadn’t even realized it. Such thoughts were no longer of any consequence.

By seven o’clock everything was finished, cleaned, and put away. Sam’s prowess in the kitchen had been proven. I risked another punch in the arm and asked Sam if he’d really cooked dinner all by himself. He told me that it had been easy. I agreed with him that it probably was.. I smiled at the realization. Maybe this would all work out somehow?

"Have you given any thought as to what you’re going to wear tomorrow, sweetheart?" Mom asked me. Truth be told, I’d not been thinking of much else. I wasn’t going to push the envelope and show up wearing an evening gown. I laughed for no apparent reason and told her I hadn’t given it any consideration. Mom suggested that I wear my jeans for a start. That made perfect sense to me.

Sam offered that his jeans were all getting a little tight in the waist. That brought a round of laughter from everyone. I found myself rubbing his belly appreciatively. It seemed in a sense, we were all in the same boat.

I spent the next half hour explaining all that we’d accomplished at the Inn and about the hiring of Senator Kingston’s son. Everyone, including Sam (who already knew the story) seemed impressed. "I guess you’d better figure out how and when you’re going to get paid," Mom said and laughed. They weren’t aware that I knew, but I could tell that Aunt Melissa kicked her under the table.

I went on and told Aunt Melissa that Jared would let her in, in the morning. She seemed nonplused by my announcement. Then my thoughts returned to school tomorrow. Sure, I’d wear jeans but what was I going to wear for a top? What about my hair and makeup? In a sense, that was easy. Eighth grade girls weren’t officially "allowed" to wear makeup. Still, most did anyway. Should I simply present myself as Joan, or should I dig deep within my own archives and attempt to resuscitate John?

Just the idea of doing so sent chills down my spine. Maybe it was the meds that had me worrying about anything and everything? Including my own shadow! I laughed aloud at the insanity of it all and garnered a few concerned looks from those in attendance at the inappropriateness of my behavior.

"Joan, are you alright?" a concerned mother asked me.

"What do you think, Mom?" I asked and began wailing away. Damn, that hadn’t been my intention. To sit here crying like a baby while everyone around me tried to make me feel better. It was my job to make THEM all feel better. I brushed the tears away, shook my head violently from side to side, grabbed hold of the table with both hands and made the honest announcement that no, I wasn’t alright but I would be.

That seemed to allay the fears of the group as a whole, but I could tell just by looking at him that Sam was worried. He put his arm around me and pulled me close.

"Come on Joan," he said and pulled me to my feet.

"Where are we going, Sam? Sam, we’ve got school tomorrow." He laughed.

"Come on Joan," he said a few decibels more loudly and tugged me towards the door. I shrugged my shoulders in submission and followed his lead. I felt better as the cool evening air hit me and we put some distance between ourselves and our parents.

"You think this is easy for me?" Oh no, here we go!

"Sam, I’m sorry, I have only an inkling of how difficult this all must be for you. I really am sorry. Sometimes I just get caught up with things from my own perspective."

His voice cut me off before I had a chance to continue. "I’m not supposed to be pregnant! Even if I accepted my status as a "female," like yourself, I’m only fourteen fucking years old. This summer, for the first time in my life, I was truly happy. I made the team! I showed them all what I was capable of doing. I was no longer just some butch female pretending to be a guy. I WAS one of them." He paused for a moment and gave it a chance to sink in.

OK, so I’d become a bit too self-absorbed with my own tales of woe. "Sam, I’ve never thought of you as a girl," I said staring up into his eyes intently. "Hell, I never really thought about gender issues at all as far as we were concerned. You were always just Sam: my best friend in the world." I finished up and let my words hang in the air. He looked at me with a certain sadness in his eyes.

"And now," he began, "now we’re going back to school tomorrow. I can feel the twins inside me now, by Christmas, they’ll surely make their presence known to the world. How the hell am I going to deal with that?" It took me a moment to figure out what he meant. Then I realized he meant that by Christmas, there would be no way for him to conceal the pregnancy. "Just when my life was heading in the direction I’d always dreamed of and hoped for, this had to happen." He kept walking purposefully. He saw the look of terror in my own eyes reflected back at him.

"Sweetheart, don’t get me wrong. I do love our babies. Maybe even as much as you do yourself. This is all just so damned hard! How the hell are we ever going to get through this? Some mornings I wake up and I couldn’t be happier. Other mornings I wake up with feelings of fear and dread. Feelings that go to the very core of my being. I just lie in bed close my eyes and hope that it will all go away when I open them again."

We finally arrived on the boardwalk. This was the way I really liked it. Almost deserted. The revelers having packed up and moved on. Yes, there was a certain sadness in the air, but I found comfort in that as well. I pulled Sam close to me forcefully and hugged him for all I was worth. We stood there like a couple of lost little kids crying for our mommies.

"Sam, we’re going to get through this and we’re going to get through this together. We are a team. Perhaps the most important team you’ll ever be a member of. I will be the best mother to our children that the world has ever known." I said that last bit with such forcefulness, that I had no doubt that the words were true.

All the words exchanged just made me feel closer to him. We were indeed in this together. Our problems were exactly the same though on opposite sides of the spectrum. We stood there hugging for the longest time. Words were no longer necessary.

Finally, Sam said, "Come on Joan, it’s time to go home, we’ve got school tomorrow," and he kissed me…