The Prayer
by Andrea DiMaggio

Just Like Every Child Needs to Find a Place

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"Has anybody seen Cal today?" Gina asked Betty and Maeve Ryan, the department secretary.

"I heard he got a phone call and had to go home," Betty said.

"Oh God, Betty, I thought you knew. His sister passed away this afternoon. The one day he chose to come to work to help with the Stevens girl..." Gina had known Cal since high school, but had only renewed their acquaintance this past term when he was hired as another counselor in their department. He had returned to the area to finish his graduate degree and was a welcome addition to the staff. She thought about his loss and tears came to her eyes.

Nina Torrence, Cal’s sister, had been diagnosed only three months ago with an aggressive form of uterine cancer.

Cal had been at her side nearly every day the past three weeks, but April Stevens had just returned after missing the past month recovering from physical abuse by her step-dad. Nina had been doing well the past two weeks, leaving Cal the opportunity to come to work to help April. His sister took an unexpected turn for the worse, and had died just before eleven that morning.

"Maybe we can find out where they're having the viewing and drop by." All of the women felt sorry and they had more than just an admiration for the man. He had gone out of his way to help April Stevens, who was struggling with living with an abusive step-father. She had moved out of the house and into her mother's sister's home upon being discharged, but she still experienced the fall-out from the months of physical attacks by her step-dad. Cal had been just finishing with her and her aunt when he received the call.

 

"You should have been here," his brother-in-law said, but quickly apologized. "I’m so sorry Cal…her last thoughts were of you." They had known each other since Roger Torrence courted his sister in high school, and he loved Roger like a brother. The two men embraced and wept as only caring men who have lost a loved one can and must. There was nothing left to do, and Nina’s body had already been taken for preparation, so said his apologies and left the funeral home, planning to return later when Nina's friends would come to pay their respects.

 

Mirrors play a big role in helping us learn more about ourselves, and this day was a big help, even if very painful. She looked in the mirror and remembered with great sadness that she resembled her baby sister. They had been close as two kids could be growing up, and she felt that part of her was missing. She combed her hair and tried without any success at drying the tears that cascaded down her cheeks. It could not, would never be the same, and the cold reality caused her to fall to her knees in despair. No one understood her like her sister, and likely, no one ever would. She felt alone and hopeless, unaware that Someone was looking out for her, and would send someone who would understand.

 

The evening’s viewing was coming to a close. Roger’s friends and family paid their respects to him and Cal. Apart from Roger, Cal had no family; he and Nina were the only children, and their parents had passed several years before; both from cancer. There were no cousins or aunts or uncles or grandparents, and all of Cal’s friends were out west where he went to college. Seeing his co-workers lifted his spirits only somewhat, but their company at least postponed his trip home.

"I'm so sorry, Cal. Nina was one of a kind, and I can't imagine how hard this is going to be for you." Nina was not only a friend; she worked as a gym teacher and softball coach at the high school. Several students had already filed through. Gina had already paid her respects to Roger, but Cal was her friend and she wanted him to know that he had people who cared, too. She hugged him, but he stiffened, as some of us may do when overwhelmed with emotion. She held his hand and gestured to her side.

"I'm sorry, Cal, I don't think you've met my husband Ben." Ben was talking with Betty and Andrea, and Gina needed to get his attention. She grabbed his arm and pulled him around.

"Cal Stuart?" Ben said in recognition, surprising Gina, who had no idea they knew each other. "I'm sorry to renew
our acquaintance under such sad circumstances. I’m glad to see you again." Ben said as he grabbed Cal’s arm and shook his hand. Ben had finished his doctorate at Temple, and Cal had been in two of his classes.

"Hey, Ben, I didn't know you were married to Gina here. You are some lucky fellow."

"That I am, laddie, that I am." Ben reached over and hugged his friend. "Please come over tomorrow?" He looked at
Gina who nodded, blinking the tears from her eyes."

 

The following week Cal returned to the office and picked up where he left off. He helped the Stevens girl get the remedial work she missed while she was in the hospital, and had assurances from her aunt that the step-father and mother had actually moved out of town and wouldn't be bothering her again. A restraining order and an outstanding warrant probably provided the impetus for their move out of state. He breathed a sigh of relief (yes, people actually do that) and asked Maeve if she would mind finding out if the cafeteria was still open for lunch.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Stuart, but it's been closed for about a half hour. Would you like to share my tuna salad sandwich?"
Maeve was a very kind person, and would have offered anyone half her lunch. She did, however, feel especially good that Mr. Stuart might want to share lunch with her. She was about thirty, and she had never been married; in fact, she never really dated, despite the fact that she was a very attractive woman. You may recall that folks that have had difficulty in their lives and have received help through counseling often gravitate toward that field. Maeve was working on her undergraduate degree in psychology after a decade of being sidetracked with other people's ideas of what was good for her. She had spent most of her life looking for the approval only her parents could have provided but didn't, and she was finally at a place where she wanted to please herself and no one else. It wasn't selfish, really. They have the adults put on their oxygen masks first in an airplane emergency since they can't help the kids if they can't help themselves. Maeve was just attending to some long put-off consideration for her own needs that would make her better able to help others.

"Thank you, so much, that's very kind of you." Cal accepted the offer, more out of a hunger after not eating for several days rather than being polite. Maeve actually felt good about herself for her offer, and who could blame her. Having a nice man thank you can do wonders for your self-esteem. Maeve hoped that the cafeteria might be closed tomorrow as well.

 

She mulled over in her mind the decisions she had made the past few days. She had chosen the thing that was most urgent, and her decision, as well meaning as it was, prevented her from the one thing in the world she needed to do that day. She felt angry, wondering why it had to happen that way. She had wanted to be there for her sister; her baby sister, for God's sake! But she was too wrapped up with something "more important." Guilt washed over her like a torrent, and she once again fell to her knees in utter grief, crying out without words or sound, but in agony nonetheless. She felt ashamed that she had let her sister down, and vowed never again to look upon her own image; seeing the resemblance was too painful and more that she could bear. She would find out that the reflection another would provide through words rather than sight would begin the healing she desperately needed.

 

Cal stood at the dining room doorway. He had stiffened once again at Gina’s embrace, and she broke it off quickly.

"I'm so glad you could come. You remember Erica and Mark from back in the day?" Gina pointed to the couple sitting at the table talking with Ben. Erica and Mark had been classmates in high school along with Cal.

“Betty and Andrea had an emergency at the hospital, and will probably not make dinner.” Gina said, referring to their colleague and her partner. The emergency was the long-expected delivery of puppies to Mrs. Schwartz' beagle Daisy. You may recall that Betty and Andrea were wife and "husband" so to speak; Andrea preferring to live full time in her female persona, albeit non-op.

 

Mark was talking with the group as they waited for dinner to be served. He had just explained that he was working on a CD in conjunction with Erica’s Billy Bear book series. The CD would be for children, and would feature some lovely songs. He mentioned that his favorite was “The Prayer,” which had been recorded by Celtic Woman, Josh Groban, Celine Dion, and several others.

"It goes like this," Mark said as he began to sing. He and Erica sang to this to Marie, their eight-month-old daughter every night.

"Let this be our prayer; just like every child needs to find a place; guide us with your grace; give us faith so we'll be safe." Erica usually didn't sing outside the home, but provided a sweet harmony to Mark's melody. Mark had almost convinced her to sing backup on the recording.

"That's so beautiful, honey," Gina said, putting her head on Mark's shoulder. I can't wait to use it on our kids,"

She looked at her husband Ben and then at her best friend Erica and continued, "And no, not yet, but we're trying!"

Cal felt awkward, like the proverbial fifth wheel. He also felt uncomfortable because he still felt angry at God for taking Nina so soon in life, and his faith was weighed down by his grief. The words rang hollow and almost taunted him…”Give us faith so we’ll be safe.” What about Nina? He was overwhelmed and looked for an opportunity to take his leave.

They were just about to sit down to dinner when a soft knock came at the door.

"Oh, great!" Gina said as she went to answer the door. "You made it!" She welcomed Maeve, who had an errand to run before coming over. Gina hadn't really intended to match-make...NOT! Gina felt so bad for Cal, and wanted at least to balance the equation so he wouldn't feel too awkward. And if the extra guest just happened to be an attractive co-worker who had shared in confidence her attraction toward Cal, then so be it.

 

Dinner and coffee were followed by about two hours of Trivial Pursuit, and the couples were ready either for a nap or a trip to their respective homes. To no one's surprise, everyone chose the latter option. Cal and Maeve happened to be the last ones to leave, mostly out of wanting to make their evening last as long as possible. Maeve enjoyed the company and felt good about the evening. Cal stayed because he didn't want to go home and face his loneliness and grief. Maeve thanked Gina for a lovely time and would have left by herself, but Cal offered to escort her to her car. They said goodbye one last time and Maeve accepted Cal's arm. She hadn't intended to; she actually didn't, but she rubbed his arm innocently when she was saying goodbye. Cal felt guilty for the moment, since he was enjoying an evening out in betrayal of his sister's death. How dare he enjoy life? If he had been able to remember Nina as she was, he would have known that his happiness was the last thing she thought of before she died. She said as much to Roger before kissing her husband goodbye for the last time.

 

Cal was retrieving his mail when he looked up to see Maeve standing in the doorway.

"It was a nice night the other night, wasn't it, Mr. Stuart." She found it difficult to call him by his first name even though no one else in the office used last names. She found herself thinking about the moment they parted, wanting it to have been so much more. She imagined his kiss and she was lost in the daydream until she heard,"
"Earth to Maeve, come in?" Gina laughed and pointed to the empty door. "You can relax now, he went to his office," she teased. "Got it bad, huh sweetie? I remember when I first met Ben." Gina walked to her office and retrieved an old spiral notebook from her bookshelf. She opened the back cover and showed Maeve the following,"
"Gina Kelly....Mrs. Gina Kelly...Mrs. Regina Sorrento Kelly," among others, and finally, with a nod to political correctness, "Ms. Sorrento-Kelly."

"He's not at that place yet, sweetie, but I think he might be soon." She, as I said, had known Cal since high school, and she always felt that he was one of those people you just know will get married someday.

 

She stood in the hallway; frozen. She wanted look, but she feared that she would betray the vow she had made. She found herself angry at being comfortable and at ease with her new friend, and her heart ached at the thought of having no one. Her sister was lost forever, and she didn’t deserve the happiness a new friendship would bring. She dropped the clothes on the floor by the bedroom door and walked to the living room where she once again fell asleep on the couch, weeping bitter angry sad tears; alone and scared. She was scared and sad and angry, but she was never alone.

 

“Guide us with your grace.” The word grace is an interesting word; it comes from the Latin and it means to favor or to bend down, as if to help someone up. The name Anne comes from the Hebrew Hannah, which means the same; one of its diminutives is Nina. A coincidence? What do you think?

"Thank you so much, Mr. Stuart. April is doing so much better, and I can't imagine where we'd be if you hadn't helped us. I wanted you to know how sorry I am about your sister. She was April’s favorite teacher, and she wants you to know how much she misses her. It must be so hard, and I pray for grace to see you through this time. Thanks again, Mr. Stuart; God Bless."

Cal hung up the phone and felt good, without any guilt, for the first time in a long while. He looked over at the picture on his desk. Nina was holding her diploma from grad school and had the sweetest smile. He found himself feeling lighter, almost as if a weight had been lifted. Gina had reminded him that morning that the Steven's girl might have dropped out of school if he hadn't been available. And likely only Gina could have said what she said next,

"Cal...You couldn't have known that Nina was going to die that day. You said yourself that she was proud of you and your work. Wouldn't she have wanted you helping April?" He wanted to argue, but he had no argument for the words. Nina would have wanted him to help. In fact, the more he thought of it, his work with the Steven's girl was an honor to his sister's memory. He had broken down right in Gina's office, glad that no one heard his sobs. Gina, being used to strong men of kindness and character who cried, embraced her grieving friend while looking upward and mouthing, "Thank You." Just outside Gina’s door, Maeve Ryan stood, not meaning to eavesdrop, but unable to avoid hearing the sobbing man inside. She closed her eyes, squeezing out her own tears as she prayed for the man she had fallen in love with.

 

She opened the door and peeked in. The mirror hung on the wall in the same place. There seemed to be more light in the room, and she felt somehow encouraged by that. She walked gingerly to the mirror and looked at her image. She wore her favorite dress, a nice light blue floral. She remembered that her sister had worn almost the same dress, only in pink at the day of her viewing. The memory would have been painful but for the love and encouragement she recalled her sister gave to her; a gift to be shared with the boys and girls she helped daily. She remembered the words to the song she had recently heard. "Just like every child needs to find a place." She felt at last she had found her place. She even found her name; Annabeth. Annabeth…a blessing of grace. She looked at herself in the mirror once again, and while she didn't smile, neither did she frown.

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I Love Being Here with You!

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"Good morning, Mr. Stuart." Maeve said as Cal walked into the Guidance Office.

"Good morning, Maeve, and please, call me Cal." Part of him wanted to call her Mrs. Stuart, even though they'd only been on two dates, not counting Gina's "set-up" dinner party. Gina was right, you know. You may recall that Gina felt that Cal was one of those people you just know was meant to be married. But here's where it gets confusing, at least for Cal.

 

Cal and his sister Nina were very close growing up; they were almost inseparable, which was odd since he was the older brother. It was surprising to some that he didn't want to hang out with his friends, but he adored his "baby sister," even though they were born only seventeen months apart. They spent much more time together than most brothers and sisters, especially well into their teen years. And she did know his secret...

Cal loved to play dress up. Never an athletic kid to begin with, he tried his hand at baseball and basketball and failed miserably. He actually was a fair soccer player, but had little support from home. It didn't help that his parents got married later in life, and that his Dad was well into his late fifties when Cal was in middle school. So the stuff dad's usually do never took place. His Mom and Dad loved both kids very much, but just didn't have to time or energy to reinforce and encourage them and neither parent survived past their children’s high school graduation. Nina had friends with great families but Cal had few friends, and he preferred Nina's company.

Nina discovered Cal's secret quite accidentally. She walked into the bathroom one afternoon shortly after his fourteenth birthday, only to find him wearing her new green halter top and a maroon denim mini-skirt. He had expected the worst, and tried to hide behind the curtain in the shower, crying,

"I'm sorry, Nina." He said it several times; all the while his sobs grew softer and quieter. She pulled back the curtain to find him sitting down in the corner of the tub with his head in his hands, weeping softly. She reached down and stroked his hair. Leaning over, she kissed his forehead and said,

"Honey, you've made a big mistake." He looked up at her and blinked out some tears. He expected the worst until she laughed softly and said,

"Silly, green's not your color at all. Come on, sweetie; let's find something that you'll look good in." He actually pinched himself like they say in some stories, believing it all to be a dream. It was a dream, in a way, since he could never have imagined anyone accepting him for who he was. He wanted so badly to be accepted, and the only way he felt he might fit in is if he were a girl. Not a real girl, per se; he just felt more comfortable being exactly like the person whom he not only loved and respected, but resembled almost to a tee. Surprising, as you may have read previously, he never; excuse me; she never had a name until after Nina’s death, and it was Nina's example that helped her gain the name Annabeth, which, as you may remember, means blessing of grace. From the day she discovered her new "sister" until the last day they spoke, Nina always called her Sweetie. Nina wanted her sister to know that she considered her to be a sweet girl, worthy of acceptance, and it was a secret that was kept, not from fear or doubt, but out of love and a precious gift that they shared.

 

Maeve sat at her dressing table combing her long red hair. Maeve Ryan, as you may recall, was a "late bloomer," as some would say. She was a pretty girl, not in the "gorgeous" sense, but not in the "ordinary" sense either. Her complexion was almost alabaster, with nice Irish rosy cheeks and a cute nose. She had almost violet colored eyes, atypical for a redhead, but maybe you know more about genes and that sort of thing than I do. She had grown up with little reinforcement or encouragement. Her parents loved her, but they never received those things from their own parents, so they had no way of imparting them to their daughter. So despite her absolutely lovely looks, she grew up believing that she was plain and unlovable, at least in the sexual sense (yes, even some pretty girls might have a lack of esteem in that area.) And since she had no direction or guidance from her parents, she stumbled through college, changing major after major, settling (for her) on a business degree. Three years of therapy and the love and support of friends at church and her colleagues at the guidance department convinced her to return to school, and she was one or two classes away from a BS in Psychology with plans for grad school and beyond. After nearly ten years of drifting, she finally gained her bearings and had enough strength to offer herself to the benefit of others. She had never been selfish; she just never believed she had anything to offer anyone. But now she felt she had much to offer; and to one person in particular.

She continued to comb her hair, singing softly to herself.

“Singing in the shower; laughing by the hour; life is such a breezy game." She didn't play piano like Diana Krall but she wasn’t bad either , and she sang just as good, and just as sensual, as someone soon would find out. She had fallen "head over heels,' as my mother used to say for Cal Stuart, and was hoping against hope that the feeling was mutual.

 

Annabeth sat in her living room, her legs curled up under her, covered by a nice crocheted throw, reading the latest Jesse Stone novel while the sounds of Diana Krall‘s rendition of “It Could Happen to You” played in the background . She had decided that she would wear whatever she wanted as long as she was home, and her dress was nice, full-skirted, and a delightful claret color. Her blond hair was collar length, suiting her needs for in and out of the house, if you follow me. She wore a tortoiseshell colored hair clip, more for the look than need, at least at that point. She wore just a little eye shadow and lip gloss that matched her dress. She felt good about herself, not in a vain sense, since she was as modest and humble a person as anyone would want to meet. She just felt like things were as they should be. There was a small stirring deep inside, however, and while not uncomfortable, it still provoked a nice but uneasy sensation, as if something was about to change. She couldn't imagine things getting any better, but she no longer feared things getting worse. She had weathered the early death of her parents, and was content in her grief over her sister's death, if that makes any sense. It just never occurred to her that God had plans for her that included someone else....which He did.

 

“Dr. Kelly, do you have a moment?” Maeve stood in Gina’s doorway with a look that said “I need to talk with someone; anyone; now!” Gina had given up on asking Maeve to call her Gina, so she just said, “Of course, invaluable yet woefully underappreciated Miss Ryan,” which got a laugh and an embarrassed grin from Maeve.

“It’s about me and Mr. Stuart….Cal.” She said it sweetly, as if he were in the room to hear her lovely voice. “We’ve been on four dates already, and I think he likes me more than just a little, but he doesn’t say anything.”

“Honey, believe me, I know how hard it is to wait, but keep in mind his sister’s death happened only a few months ago. Give it time. He must be interested if he keeps asking you out.”

“That’s just it…I’m the one who asks, apart from the first time. I don’t want to waste my time or his, but I just….”

“Adore him?” Gina teased, but she saw that Maeve had started to cry.

“I heard him the day you told him how important he was. How his sister would have been proud. I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but he was crying so hard, and I…” Gina walked over and grabbed Maeve’s arm, pulling her inside the office. She closed the door and pulled Maeve close for a comforting hug. Maeve’s sobs grew deeper, almost duplicating the scene between Gina and Cal months before.

“You didn’t mean to fall in love, but you did, sweetie. You really did!” Gina patted Maeve on the back. “I know it hurts not to know, but give it a little time….I think you’ll be glad you did, and I know Cal will, too. Ben and I have been praying for you; we saw something in your look at him last week at the cookout. You’ve got it bad, sweetie, and the only cure is time and patience, both of which hurt like hell. Hang in there, honey, it’s going to be alright” Maeve would find out that the plans for Cal…Annabeth, actually, included her, and would be more than just alright; in fact, they would be just the thing that both of them needed…

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Oh I love to hear you say my name…

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With thanks to Diana Krall

“Mr. Stuart…Cal, do you have a moment…in private?”

“Cal, do you have some time to talk?”

“Cal…Mr. Stuart, can I speak to you?”

Maeve had practiced her request over a dozen times at home, and at least seven more on her ride to work. She was going over the same thing in her mind, and still wasn’t settled. She wasn’t shy, actually. She just worried that the subsequent conversation would go nowhere, leaving her “unrequited,” as they say. She had admired Cal Stuart from the first day she laid eyes on him when he joined the Guidance Department staff last fall. How could such a lovely woman not fall in love with the sweetest, kindest, and most noble (Yes!) person she had ever met? Now, nearly eight months later, with the end of school only weeks away, she feared that the summer hiatus would cool off their relationship, such as it was, so she prepared herself to “lay all her cards on the table.” Surprisingly, she wasn’t really gambling, since what she wanted was not only within her grasp, she would come to be amazed at how much of what she wanted would be hers, because, as some might say, she was in the right place at the right time.

“Maeve…do you have a moment?” Cal said, abruptly but happily interrupting Maeve’s thoughts.

“Of course, Mr. Stuart.” She regretted the “Mr. Stuart" even as the words left her mouth. She wanted to say his name, but she continued having a problem with that. To be honest, she really wanted to say, “Of course, darling,” but that wouldn’t really be appropriate, or would it?

“Do you mind coming into my office; this isn’t the place; I’d really rather speak to you in private.” Her biggest fears were about to come to pass, she thought. She was expecting the big “letdown,” and her eyes actually started to mist up in anticipation of the rejection that was never going to take place.

He closed the door behind him and said, “I need to speak to you about something in private, and I didn’t want to risk being overheard.”

“Well, at least he’s considerate; he doesn’t want to embarrass me,” she thought, until he continued.

“I want our relationship to go further, but I can’t,” He paused; allowing her to anticipate that he no longer could see her for some reason. But he said,

“I can’t continue our relationship unless you hear what I have to say. If after you hear me out, I will understand if you no longer want to see me.” He was a little nervous, and he was making his own assumptions about her as well. She helped alleviate his anxiety somewhat by nodding with an understanding expression. She had taken the opportunity to dry her eyes with her sleeve when he looked down to compose himself.

“It’s okay, Cal, go ahead.” She said it softly, and put her hand on his arm and rubbed it in the same fashion as she did after the dinner party at Gina’s months ago. It had the same effect; it was wonderful. Cal swallowed and said,

“I have a secret that only my sister knew about, and I am trusting my instincts about this; I think you are a person…I know you are a woman of character, and you’ll keep my secret, even if you choose to end our relationship.” The suspense wasn’t killing her, but it wasn’t doing her any good either, so she said,

“Whatever it is, you can trust me.” She wanted to add, “I love you, sweetheart,” but held back.

By now, his own eyes had misted up. He was confident in whom he was, even if she rejected him, so he finally said,

“I want you to know I love you Maeve; more than anyone I have ever known, and I want to spend my life with you, but you need to know that I have another name.” She looked at him with a puzzled expression, until he finally said,

“My other name is Annabeth; Annabeth Constance Stuart. I have another side of me; an important part of who I am; She’s been around since I was a teenager, and she was my sister’s best friend. Nina is…was the only one who knew about her until now.” His eyes teared up at the memory of his late sister. Maeve’s eyes misted up once again as she felt the grief and loss he bore.

“She is as much part of me as my love of jazz or painting.”

“She likes Jazz!!!” Maeve thought.

“Annabeth loves the same people I love and she wants to help teens just like I do because she’s me…” He had He almost winced, as if he expected her to hit him with the notebook in her hand. The silence only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like an eternity to both of them. Maeve looked at him, trying to imagine a “her” instead of a “him” standing there. She reached over once again and rubbed his arm. She glanced back to make sure that the door to the office was still closed. Turning again, she smiled with a smile that you may have seen from your sister or your girlfriend; a smile that says, “Is that all?” or “Was that what you were worried about, silly?” The kind of look that doesn’t whisper; it shouts acceptance. A look that says “What secret?” A look that ultimately said, “I love you,” just before she actually said it out loud.

“I love you…darling.” (There, she said it, finally!) She kissed him on the cheek quickly and walked back and locked the door. “I love you,” she said again, and kissed him…her…oh, you know they weren’t confused at all, even if this author is. Imagine both of them having the same delightful smile and laugh that Arwen has in “Return of the King” except that it’s Eowyn kissing Arwen!” Moments later, a knock came at the door followed by,

“I know you two are in there,” Gina said with a laugh. “Should I get some Kleenex or an engagement card?” Actually, she probably could have done right if she brought both.

 

 

Cal and Maeve walked hand in hand on the boardwalk at Virginia Beach. They had taken a few days off to talk and pray. They stayed at a nice hotel right on the beach (separate rooms, mind you, they were from the old school, as they say.) Maeve turned to Cal and kissed him lightly on the lips, almost a sisterly kiss, which was actually appropriate in a way, after what he had shared with her the week before. She had struggled over a sleepless night, wondering if it was wrong of her to be so accepting of Annabeth, having only spent an evening with her a few nights after the “revelation.” But what she realized, which came from finally determining for herself is that what she wanted and needed came first finally, and she said,

“If that’s who you really are, darling; (there’s that word) then I love her, too. Some might find that some women are all too quick to accept the femme side of their loves, almost unrealistic some might say. But there are those absolutely special women and men that are completely loving and accepting. The Greeks have a word for it, agape’, which means to love without expectation. Actually, most successful relationships function in that manner, whether or not they know the word for it. We call it love.

Cal looked at her and smiled, and his eyes began to mist up. He went to reach into his pocket, but he realized he’d left his windbreaker at the hotel, and he’d have to give Maeve his gift that evening. But Maeve surprised him. She reached into her own pocket and pulled out a small jewelry box similar to the one Cal left back at the hotel. Looking around to see if anyone was coming, she smiled at him and kissed him on the lips, but not in any way a sister would kiss her sister, if you follow me. And she wasn’t looking out for people out of embarrassment. She was anything but embarrassed. She just didn’t want some roller- blading teen or senior citizen tandem bikers to interrupt them. She got down on one knee and grabbed Cal’s hand. She said, without giggling, as you might have expected, but sincerely and as romantically as ever has been said,

“Annabeth Constance Stuart….will you do me the honor of marrying me and making me the happiest woman in the world? And she said yes.

 

 

The restaurant was not crowded, but still held enough diners that more than several people took notice of the couple sitting at the window. The blond wore a stunning royal blue one-shoulder jersey gown. Her neck was adored with a simple gold chain with a small cross. Her hair was pulled back with a broad ribbon that matched her gown, revealing simple rose-shaped studs. Her left hand held a glass of Pino Grigio, which went well with her Roast Vermont Lamb. She held her lover’s right hand with her own. Her redheaded lover had the Wild King Salmon, and her own left hand held a glass of Pinot Noir, which she had just finished sipping. She wore a black silk strapless number, and her jewelry matched her lover's, but in silver. She wore her hair up, which revealed a neck graceful enough to rival Grace Kelly. Both women wore matching diamond rings and bands, and equally matching smiles. The stunning couple turned heads, a remarkable feat considering they were at the “Upstairs at the ‘21’” restaurant in Manhattan. They paid their fellow diners no heed. They were on the second night of their honeymoon, after all, and they were having the time of their lives, as some might say.

"I Love Being Here With You" - Peggy Lee and William Schluger 1961.

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Dancing in the Dark
 

Dancing in the dark 'til the tune ends
We're dancing in the dark and it soon ends
We're waltzing in the wonder of why we're here
Time hurries by, we're here and we're gone

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Annabeth and Maeve had been married for three years, in which time Annabeth had completely transitioned. It was their anniversary, and they celebrated it in fashion...relaxed and sweet and simple. A picnic in the park, with wine and cold chicken followed by dancing to Diana Krall on their CD player. It was a far cry from their wedding night, which started at "Upstairs at '21'" restaurant in Manhattan in esquisite gowns and with fine food and wine, followed by a night of dancing and followed around the dance floor by unbelieving but rather accepting eyes, finally ending in sweet embrace and love in the honeymoon suite at the Four Seasons Hotel.

"I love you more than I can say,"

Maeve said, kissing her lover on the earlobe. She treasured these times, almost tenaciously, as they didn't know how long they'd last. Annabeth was dying. Not quickly they had been told, but not in some long protracted horror. They knew the end would come sometime this year, and they wanted to enjoy each moment as long as they could. No tears today, they had hoped. Nothing but romance and music and sweet tender moments that would last a lifetime, even if that lifetime were short.

"You are everything that I could have ever hoped for, my dear."

Annabeth said, cooing into her wife's ear. She was weaker today than yesterday, but her strength was renewed almost magically by her lover's ministrations. She giggled as Maeve licked her cheek, almost playfully, before kissing her sweetly and lightly on the part of her chin just beneath her lips. She laid back and drank in her lover's sweet aroma, thankful for this beautiful woman who was her whole life.

Their lives began together with a prayer. Cal had been lonely and sad, with few friends save for his sister, who had succumbed just a little more than three years ago as well. In the time between then and now, he had fallen in love with Maeve, who had longed for someone to care for and found her in this sweet loving and tender person. The time between saw a quick engagement followed by a wedding that was unique, to say the least. Cal had shared his heart with Maeve, and she had fallen in love with that heart...the person Cal had always been meant to be. Annabeth: a blessing of grace, her name meant; she had come alive and she was all that and more to Maeve.

She was dying and there was nothing to do except enjoy what time they had, and enjoy it they did. A trip to Florence...not a tour, but a month renting a villa just outside the city, sampling the art and culture without hurry or care. And then to Ireland for another month of sightseeing; visiting the homes of their foreparents. And then to Paris, with gowns and wine and music that outdid their wedding night ten-fold. And the love in the evening, lasting thoughout the night, romance and sweet refrains as they loved each other like none ever could.

Tonight was special...a commemoration and almost culmination of their time together. Sweet and tender, with no care for tomorrow. Whatever the morning brought, it would be good enough. Nothing could take away from their love and nothing would ever surpass what they would enjoy. Tender caresses and sweet kisses followed by loving with utter abandon and thrill.

"I was lost without you...my sweet, sweet Maeve. I love you; I'm not afraid, I know my God and He knows me...I'm so sorry to leave you behind, and my wish would only be that you'd be comforted and cared for,"

Annabeth spoke softly in her wife's ear as they lay in the sweet caress of the moment and basked in the warmth of their love.

They kissed once again, not without passion, but also soft and tender, savoring each sensation; the playful bite of the lip, the caress of the tongue, the brush of nose against nose, feeling loved and loving more than anyone ever could. The night ended in a soft sleepy embrace, likely never to be duplicated in the annals of romance.

______________________________

Morning came with light streaming softly through the gauze of waking sight, and birds sang outside their bedroom window. Maeve woke and noticed that Annabeth wasn't next to her. She arose, ignoring her slippers and padded down the carpeted hallway toward the kitchen. No aroma of brewing coffee or of breakfast, Maeve was greeted with the sweet smell of roses and lilies, as if the room were opened up to a flower garden. She looked around the kitchen, but nothing seemed disturbed, and found no vase filled with the blooms she smelled.

She walked into the den, and found her, sitting back in the recliner, her Bible in her hands...her lifeless hands. The room was filled with the fragrance of sweet perfume, but not of this plane. Annabeth sat quietly, with the sweetest smile on her face, as if she had been touched by the hand of God. In her right hand was an envelope, written in longhand and lavender; Maeve's favorite color. Maeve blinked out the tears in her eyes and walked to Annabeth's side. She leaned over and kissed her lover for the last time on the forehead. The envelope said simply,

My sweet bride.

She opened the envelope, and found the following, also written in longhand,

My dearest Maeve,
I love you with all my heart. My life was empty without your love, and I thank God for our time together. Always remember to sing when you think of me.

Dancing in the dark 'til the tune ends
We're dancing in the dark and it soon ends
We're waltzing in the wonder of why we're here
Time hurries by, we're here and we're gone

All my love to you, my dear sweet wife. I love you and thank you and treasure you. Annabeth

The paper was quickly stained with falling tears as Maeve wept over the loss of the first and only one she had ever loved. She wasn't angry or bitter; she was at peace and content, perhaps as content as she'd ever been in her life as well.

She kissed Annabeth on the lips and eyes and everywhere on her face before stepping back. Time enough for phone calls only a few minutes later; some things were more important. She walked over to the stereo and turned on the CD player...Diana Krall's husky alto voice sang softly while the piano followed...

She walked back over to the chair where her lover remained. She sat down on the floor and rested her head against her lover's knees and wept...again, not bitter, not angry, but sweetly, remembering and treasuring and being thankful...and she smiled.

Dancing in the Dark
Words and Music by Howard Dietz and Arthur Schwartz
As sung by Diana Krall
from the Album The Look of Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sq6sPc1i5Sc