the Novella
Still craving your kiss, I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear.
Just saying this: Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you.
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.
But in your dreams whatever they be, dream a little dream of me.
Adult themes including recovery from incest and sexual assault as a child.
Note - This story is a continuation of the Defender Series, first appearing in Lascia Ch'io Pianga - The Defender. It takes place nearly two years after Lascia Ch'io Pianga - The Key
Previously:
Dani looked at Donna with amazement; how in such a short time they had made a connection; it was more than just a brief professional encounter or even a nice new friendship. She owed Donna her life even more for the love that they now shared. Perhaps soon-to-be-ex Marshal Dani Lieu looked at Donna and knew that no matter what happened from then on, everything would be alright. She leaned over and kissed Donna. Donna returned the favor and kissed back, the first time "Donna" had ever kissed anyone. It was warm; it was promising, and it was beautiful.
Dream a Little Dream of Me
A few years later:
Donna looked at the growing pile of paperwork on her desk. New cases every day seemed to push old cases aside; urgency coming from outside the office compelled the head of the department to change priorities on a moment to moment basis.
"You got the report on the Davidson family?" A voice interrupted her thoughts. She looked up to see Captain Amundsen standing in front of her desk, her face a mask of impatience.
"Just finishing up now," she lied. She was at least an hour away from completing the casework. Davidson had repeatedly raped his daughters and had been flying under the radar; a higher up in the precinct looked the other way because of Davidson’s position as a city councilman.
"Have it on my desk by four, okay?" The captain's impatience gave way to understanding as she smiled.
"He's not going anywhere." The investigation was thorough and short; owing to a confession by the assistant police commissioner. His willingness to testify, coupled with a readily available 45 automatic, equaled Davidson eating the gun on a bright Sunday afternoon in May.
"Well, at least not in this lifetime," Donna laughed weakly while looking down at the floor. As the only liaison working currently for the Victim Assistance Program at the precinct, she had worked hard with the investigating detectives and child services to have the two girls removed from the home while the case was pending. Perhaps a place was reserved for men like Davidson; Donna certainly hoped so. She still felt the pain of the loss of her only child as labor took both the son she’d never watch grow up and the wife she had hoped to grow old with. Hurting a child was personal to her.
“Nothing on the board right now. I want you to ignore that pile on your desk for the rest of the day and go home. Donna had been in the office since six that morning, trying to sort out the Davidson girls’ placement, and had located a cousin of Davidson’s late wife. Now that the case was finished, Donna looked forward to going home, putting on her PJ’s, fixing some cocoa and finishing the Faye Kellerman novel she had started only last evening.
“Oh, shit.” The familiar voice yelled in disgust from behind. Donna turned around and came face to face with her old partner and brother-in-law, Terry Manahan. He had just poured himself a cup of old coffee only to bump into the doorway to the department.
‘Manahan, if you had asked, I could have gotten a donut to go along with the coffee. Nice light brown, might have gone well with your jacket,” Donna said as she handed Terry a paper towel.
“Thanks, partner.” Neither worked in investigations since the Olerud case nearly went south two years ago. Manahan had retired, and was working as a PI and part time security consultant for a big IT firm in Philly.
“You still having balance problems,” Donna asked as she poured another cup of coffee for Terry.
“Yeah...Doc says it’s low blood pressure. Gotta start drinkin’ some wine at bedtime, I suppose.”
Donna nodded and handed him his coffee. They walked over to her desk, where the pile of paperwork had gotten taller in the moments she was away. Gladys waved from her own desk.
“Don’t worry, sweetie, just have it done by mornin’” She laughed. Too much work and not enough help; the bane of every police precinct in Philly. It was a running joke between them that had gotten old for both a long time ago.
“Not a problem; I’ll file it right after I turn in my resignation!” Donna laughed. Paperwork was the least of her worries. Between the liaison job at the department, classes two days a week to finish her master’s in Psych, and trying to balance a home life that included her cat, a newly acquired tom named Magnum; and her budding relationship with her girlfriend, Dani Liu.
“How’s Magnum working out? I figured he could use a home and seein’ how’s you’ve got all that room in your house…oh shit….Donna, I’m sorry.” Terry winced. Donna was seeing Dani, but was still dealing with the loss of her wife, Terry’s sister. Jean. She died in childbirth, as did their only child Stephen. Donna had begun living as a woman full time about a year after Jeannie’s death, which still hurt both her and Terry.
Say "nighty-night" and kiss me. Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me.
While I'm alone and blue as can be, dream a little dream of me.
“Don’t worry about it, partner. I’m okay.” She was anything but okay. Her relationship with Dani was sputtering due to unresolved guilt and grief even though Jeannie's death was nearly three years in the past.
Donna, rather Don had been working a stakeout with another precinct on loan. Jeannie had gone into premature labor and a ruptured uterus had caused her to bleed out in a matter of minutes. Stephen lived for six minutes after his mother’s death as the doctors tried in vain to revive him. Don blamed himself for not being there even though Jeannie’s doctor had assured him nothing would have alerted them to the problem.
“Oh fuck, don’t give me that. You still think it’s your fault. You’ve got to let it go, sweetie.”
What started out as an awkward joke, Terry calling Donna sweetie, became an endearment between the two. Childhood friends, they had been through almost everything. And their relationship had carried over into their partnership and grew even stronger from Jeannie’s death. Terry Manahan was the best brother-in-law anyone could ever have, and he helped his partner get through the death of his wife and son; Terry’s sister and nephew. Even now, Terry would be hard pressed to explain where he got the strength for both of them; maybe his new found faith had somehow reached back into the past to rescue Don and him, who could say?
“I’m telling you….she was my sister as well as your wife…you haven’t cornered the market on grief, and you’re stupid to keep kicking yourself over her death…It wasn’t your fucking fault!” Manahan was the only person on earth who could have said that to her.
Stars fading, but I linger on, dear.
Still craving your kiss, I'm longing to linger till dawn, dear.
Just saying this:
Donna sat in the wingback chair in Dr. Ackerman's office, looking very nervous.
"You seem very anxious today, Donna," Barbara asked.
"Maybe a little too much coffee?" Donna laughed nervously.
"That seems to be almost a ritual," Barbara said.
"The coffee?" Donna asked.
"The excuse...What's really going on?" Barbara asked. Donna shook her head no.
"Nothing," Donna said, but she noticed Barbara's half frown.
"Okay...I know these long days are starting to get to me."
"Who is in control of that, Donna?" Barbara asked.
"Well, the Jefferson case has got everybody at the precinct jumping!" Donna said, shaking her head.
"How high?" Barbara asked with a smile.
"What?" Donna half-smiled, already knowing what Barbara would say next.
"They say jump, you say, 'how high,' right?" Barbara smiled but continued.
"Only you can put limits and boundaries on your work, right?" It was really a rhetorical question.
"I know, but I'm the only victim liaison lately since Kim went on maternity leave." Donna bit her tongue, thinking of the two Jefferson boys.
"Those boys need you, don't they?" Barbara asked, but quickly followed with,
"What if you were laid up in the hospital, what would your department do then?" Barbara asked.
"I suppose they'd call around and get someone from another precinct." Donna said, but continued quickly,
"But I'm the only one the boys really know...how will they fare in their new foster family...what will they do if they have to go to court?" She shook her head once again.
"Yes, I understand that, but what if you weren't available?" Barbara persisted.
"But I'm not! That's just the point. These kids need me," Donna snapped.
"You feel you have to be there, right?" Barbara asked
"Yes...if I don't help these kids, no one can." Donna bit her lip.
"So, graduated to messiah?" Barbara laughed to soften the next question.
"I mean…are you really in control of what happens to them?"
"Of course not," Donna said as she stared at Barbara, wondering where this was going.
"So you're not God after all," Barbara said with a soft laugh.
"No..." Donna squinted, still trying to figure out where Barbara was going.
"Are you now or have you ever been a deity of any kind?" Barbara smiled.
"Of course not, no! What are you getting at?" Donna asked, but her eyes widened almost immediately in comprehension.
"Any more than when Jean died?" Barbara asked as she leaned forward ever so slightly.
"Jeez, Barbara…that's not fair...." Donna said. She bit her tongue as her eyes began to mist.
"Isn't it Donna? We've been through this before." The question was abrupt, but Barbara's tone was supportive, almost motherly.
"I should have been there." Donna said, biting her tongue once again as she looked away.
"Yes, Donna, you should have." Barbara agreed for once, which caused Donna to turn in surprise.
"But you weren't, were you?" Barbara asked, but quickly followed,
"You should have been there to stand helpless as the doctor came out, right?" Barbara asked.
"Stop," Donna said softly, putting her hand out.
"She told Terry that his sister...your wife and his nephew, your son...what did she say Donna?" Barbara asked. It would almost seem cruel if it hadn't been played out several times before.
"I should have been there!" Donna said once again, choking back a sob.
"But you weren't. You should have been there, but instead, your brother-in-law was the one...what did you say to me last time?" Barbara asked, already knowing the answer.
"You should have been the first one to hear the report...but Terry took your place while you were working, right?" Barbara asked.
"That's not the point," Donna snapped.
"Isn't it? Donna...what did they tell Terry?"
"No..." Donna said as she turned away, almost as if she could hide from the truth.
"I'm sorry, Detective Manahan...there was nothing we could do. Isn't that what they said?" Barbara asked.
"No...I should have been there." Donna choked back another sob.
"She stroked out on the table and we couldn't save her..." Barbara said. The emergency "C" section only prolonged their son's life by six minutes.
"No…stop..." Donna sobbed.
"You should have been there to hold your son's lifeless body. You should have been the first one to weep over your wife." Barbara said.
"No... Oh God, no."
"You don't deserve to be happy...isn't that what you told me last week?" Barbara persisted, but her tone was soft.
"Barbara, God...stop." Donna plead.
"Dani might as well find someone else?...Isn't that what you said?" Barbara asked. "You don't deserve to be happy...after all...you let your wife die, didn't you? Isn't that what you told me?" Barbara hated this, but it was absolutely necessary for Donna to face her own misplaced guilt and shame head on.
"Donna," Barbara said softly. "There wasn't anything you could have done, was there?" Barbara asked one last time.
Donna turned and buried her face in the wing of the chair and wept. Her shoulders convulsed as she began to release all of the guilt stored up inside her over the last three years.
Barbara sat quietly and blew out a breath, relieved.
Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you.
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you.
But in your dreams whatever they be, dream a little dream of me.
Dream On
Everytime I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face getting clearer
The past is gone
It went by, like dusk to dawn
Isn't that the way
Everybody's got their dues in life to pay
Later That Evening…
Donna had just changed into her pajamas and a worn but comfortable maroon terry robe and had settled on the couch with a cup of Sleepytime. Magnum was doing his best imitation of a cha-cha with his claws on her knee, purring loud enough to distract her from her book. A knock came at the door, further dragging her away from Faye Kellerman's latest. She stood up, causing the cat to cling to her pajamas for an instant before jumping onto the arm of the couch. She walked to the door and opened it.
"Hey…Got anything to eat?" Terry Manahan stood in her doorway, causing her to unconsciously close her robe with her hand.
"Terry, what are you doing here?" Donna said as he stepped past her, heading to the kitchen.
"I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd drop by." He said with a chuckle. Manahan lived on the other side of town, making his claim completely dubious.
"Checking up on me, Bro?" Donna said as she walked into the kitchen. He looked at her with a sad face and said,
"Why, Donna, I'm hurt...you've cut me to the quick. Would I lie to you?"
"Yes," She said as she pulled a Styrofoam container out of the fridge.
"Beef Szechuan from Hunan Palace,” she said placing the container on the table. "You're welcome to it; I hardly touched it." To say she hardly touched it would be a gross understatement. The food was practically pristine, as if prepared for a Gourmet Magazine photo shoot.
"You've got to start eating, kiddo. This is going to catch up with you." He said as he plunged a fork into the food.
"Best indication of good food is 'can you eat it cold?' This is good, but you got a plate for the microwave?" Donna handed him a plate and pointed to the fridge.
"Six-pack of Harp...Help yourself," she said as she walked back into the living room. She sat back down on the couch and folded her arms, hugging herself.
"By the way, you look like hell." Terry remarked as he sat down in the recliner across from the couch a couple of minutes later.
"Gee, Terry, I feel so much better now that you've dropped by," She replied sarcastically as she shook her head.
"What are you here for? Do you want a report?" She looked away, and Terry laughed softly.
"In triplicate on my desk by tomorrow morning, Carter!" He said, doing his best imitation of their old precinct captain.
"Look Terry, don't fuck with me...it's been a long day." She snapped as she picked up the cat and started petting him. He nuzzled her cheek and hopped onto her lap once again.
"Sorry...Look...you and I know you need to talk. I just want to know how you're doing. Okay?" His kidding was quickly replaced with a sympathetic tone.
"It wasn't your fault, Don...Donna." He corrected himself quickly. He had no trouble referring to his former brother-in-law with her correct name except whenever they talked about the night Jean died.
"Terry...it's okay...I know. Dr. A and I had a breakthrough today." She said. Immediately tears began to flow. He went to stand but she put her hand out.
"Really, it's okay...this is the good kind of crying," she laughed softly even as she continued to cry. Terry always felt odd and helpless when his former partner cried; it's hard to see someone you considered invulnerable cry like a girl, even if she is a girl.
"That's good. You look like you got beat up." He didn't laugh, but smiled softly and continued.
"Don't get me wrong. It's the good kind of beat up," he teased. "Sorta like the difference between Ali and Frazier after their last fight, huh? Both of 'em in the hospital, but Ali looked like he won." It had been a major victory of sorts for her and he was doing his best, if awkwardly, to acknowledge that.
"Listen kiddo...you're doing just fine. Nobody I know could have gone through everything you've been through the last four years and come out as good as you have." He got up and grabbed the remote off the couch.
"You sit there and do your thing...I'm watching Sports Center, okay?" He clicked on the TV and sat down.
"Oh...this is even better...'Giada at Home,'" He said with a laugh. "Cooking for you and Giada for me...oh wait...I forgot ...you like girls too."
"Not funny, Terry." Donna said as she sat up and leaned toward him.
"Just what is it you came here for?" Donna said impatiently. He looked at her and half-smiled.
"Just checking up on my favorite all-time transsexual former partner and current platonic interest." He laughed, but she didn't.
"You can be such a fucking jackass at times," She said. Magnum sensed the tension and began to nuzzle her once again.
"Look, I'm sorry. You're right, but you didn't exactly come with a set of instructions, now did you?" He glared at her. He still struggled with his feelings of loss over the change his best friend had undergone even after several years. They were still close, but the dynamics of the relationship had changed, and it made him feel very uncomfortable.
"Speaking of interests… how is it between you and Dani these days?" Terry didn't mean to, or perhaps he did; he was pressing all the right buttons, and Donna was getting angry.
"We stepped back, if it's any of your business." She said as she turned her head. Her hand absentmindedly scratched Magnum's chin.
"Fuck, Donna...you don't ride in a patrol car with me for five years and take risks and save my life without it becoming 'my’ business!" He turned off the TV and faced her.
“Listen, sister…I may not get all of the politically correct crap right all the time, but you can’t say I don’t care about what happens to you. You’re my best friend, and I know you love the girl…Oh fuck, just forget I said anything.” He saw that she had buried her head in a pillow and was sobbing.
“I know it’s been a rough fucking day, but don’t shut me out. Don’t shut her out either. You two deserve each other.”
He walked into the kitchen and threw the empty container in the trash. He grabbed another Harp and walked back into the living room, sitting on the couch next to Donna. He put his hand on her back and patted it gently, like a father consoling a daughter after her date stood her up.
“We’re all gonna get through this, kiddo. I don’t know how the fuck we will, but I fucking guarantee it!”
A few weeks later…
"Carter, can I see you in my office?" Donna looked up from the file she was reading to see Liz Amundsen standing in her doorway.
"Sure, Captain, just give me a few moments to finish this report?" She smiled. The captain didn't
"Now, Donna, please!" Her tone wasn't stern but still insistent. Donna got up from her desk and walked into Liz's office. She pointed to the chair next to Donna.
"What's up? You look like you just saw a ghost." Donna looked at her... She had never seen her boss look so shaken up.
"Not a ghost, but worse. Take a look at this file." She handed the file over and Donna opened it, finding three photographs clipped to the inside. She glanced at the pictures and quickly moved to the report. After a few second she looked up and said,
"Tell me this didn't happen." She shook her head at the file and looked back up to see the chief doing the same.
"Who the fuck could do this to a kid?" She was really asking a question for which she hoped there was no answer. She was sadly disappointed.
"Their parents...and....damn it. All in the fucking family." The chief shook her head again and blew out a breath.
"Since the Davidson case went to hell in a handcart the commissioner has been on a warpath. The mayor is down his throat, so it's kick the family dog, and guess who the dog is." Liz pointed to the file.
"For some reason, the state's attorney is involved in this even though it should be a local affair, and not this locality, but because Philly is high profile, we've been drafted. And you, my dear, are the number one draftee." The captain walked over to Donna and patted her on the back.
"I'm sorry you're getting stuck with this. Kim comes back Tuesday from maternity leave...how about that kid...ten pounds on the nose..." She smiled and continued.
"SVU needs help on this, and since you're low girl on the totem pole, you're on loan to them,” She paused and looked away, as if she had something she didn’t want to say. But she did.
“And you’ve got some help….” At the word help her voice trailed off.
“Please tell me it’s Vic Carbone…pleeeeeese,” Donna mock whined, anticipating her captain’s answer.
“No…I wish. Detective Bureau loaned us Spinetti.”
“Jeez, Liz, not Spinetti. He makes the GEICO caveman look sophisticated.” Donna shook her head.
“Sorry. I told his boss that you’d be lead, and they insisted there wouldn’t be a problem.”
“Not a problem? He’s been written up God knows how much for his remarks. I’ve had to tell him to back off more times than I can remember. Why is he still working here?” Donna shook her head.
“Well, the fact that his father is the new assistant commissioner might have something to do with it. Just play it safe and talk about the case. He brings up anything personal, put it in a report.” Donna shook her head as if to say, “Yeah…that’ll really be effective.”
“Okay, but I don’t want to hear any grief when he steps on someone’s toes. This thing is too sensitive for any stupidity.” She shook her head once again.
“Well, the SVU team has the lead. Your job will be to re-interview the kids.” At that the color drained from Donna’s face.
“You have three children who were victims. Their credibility has already been questioned and they keep getting put through the wringer. You think things can’t get any worse and then they want Spinetti in the interview room with me…are they fucking crazy?” Donna’s face turned from pale to red in a flash.
“Not my call, Carter. Just do your job, keep your nose clean, and write good reports and everybody will be happy. They’re not going to get anywhere with this case and we both know it.” Liz Amundsen was pragmatic and was almost always right about her gut feelings regarding cases. This time she was wrong, and it was going to get dangerous.
I know it's everybody's sin
You got to lose to know how to win!
That evening Donna had once again resigned herself to a night with the cat and Faye Kellerman. She had just sat down with a cup of decaf when a knock came at the door.
“Damn it, Terry, I just got my pajamas on.” She said to herself as she opened the door. Dani Liu stood in the door way with a half-frown on her face.
“Aren’t you going to ask me in?” She asked as she stood stock-still in the doorway. Her face revealed no emotion, which bothered Donna.
“Oh, gosh, come on in.” Donna went to hug her, but she shied away and walked into the kitchen. Grabbing the Merlot, she poured herself a glass and sat down on the couch.
“You haven’t returned my calls.” Dani said as she took a sip of wine. “Why the fuck are you avoiding me.”
“I’m not avoiding you.” Donna said it almost as if she was trying to convince herself as well as her girlfriend and erstwhile fiance’.
“Donna. I’m not angry. I understand. But I’m hurt.” She shook her head and bit her lip. Unlike her stoic father, Dani took after her mother, both in temperament and form. The mixture of Eurasian eyes and a gallic nose and mouth made for a very attractive woman; something that was not lost on Donna.
“You keep pushing me away, like Jean’s ghost is somehow fragile and jealous.” She shook her head and tears began to fall.
“You’re the one who’s fragile. Damn it, Donna! You won’t shatter if you move on. You’ve already figured out that you weren’t responsible for her death…what’s left?” She looked at Donna and shrugged her shoulders.
“What could possibly…” Dani looked and Donna had picked up the cat. She was holding him close to her chest, almost as if to protect him.
“You’re worried about me. Son of a bitch, I knew it.” Dani got up off the couch and walked over to her. Donna turned her face away, but even in profile, Dani could tell she was struggling not to cry.
“You can’t just save my life only to push me away. I won’t let you push me away.” Donna went to turn away further but Dani’s hands grabbed her by the shoulders. Magnum jumped to the floor and began to rub against Dani’s ankles.
“No hiding, no running, no avoiding. The past is past as far as I’m concerned, and I’ll be damned if I’ll play second fiddle to a ghost.” She pulled Donna into herself and kissed her. She began kissing her face and the taste of Donna’s tears was like cold water to her parched heart.
“I’ve loved you ever since we stood here the first night we met….you shocked me.” Dani laughed through her tears, recalling the static electricity that literally sparked their romance. She continued to kiss her. Her lips rubbed softly against Donna’s eyelids. The soft touch against her eyelashes sent a shudder through Donna and she moaned softly.
“No more secrets…no more retreat.” She kissed the bridge of Donna’s nose and moved down to kiss her lips. Softly at first, their lips brushed against each other tentatively, carefully. Donna pushed back ever so gently against Dani as if to echo in agreement what she had just said.
The release that had begun in therapy only weeks before came to fruition in her lover’s arms. She began to weep again, softly at first, but increasing in intensity, almost like a crescendo of emotion. She shook as the tempo increased, and the climax left Donna limp and helpless in Dani's arms.
Magnum circled the two women twice before settling at Dani's feet once again. Cats can often sense their human's pain and distress. Magnum looked up at Dani who was wiping her face with her cardigan sleeve. She looked down at the cat and smiled.
"It's okay, buddy. It was touch and go for a while, but I think we're going to be just fine." She smiled once again and walked back over to the couch with her arm around her lover. Sitting down, she motioned to Donna who sat down at the end of the couch. She laid her head in Dani's lap and began to cry softly.
"Soyez en paix cher coeur, Cri mon amour, je suis ici et je vous aime. (Be at peace dear heart. Cry my love; I am here and I love you.)" Dani stroked her hair.
"Je t'aime."
Sing with me, sing for the year
sing for the laughter, sing for the tear
sing with me, if it's just for today
Maybe tomorrow, the good Lord will take you away…
You Were On My Mind
When I woke up this morning
You were on my mind
And you were on my mind
I got troubles, whoa-oh
I got worries, whoa-oh
I got wounds to bind
The Next Morning…
Donna awoke with a start. The fog of the night seemed to still hover as she heard a voice call her name.
“Donna…honey? Are you okay?” The voice sounded familiar…No, it wasn’t Jean. She turned over and saw Dani, her fiance’ staring at her with warm concern.
“What…where…” she muttered as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes
“I stayed the night, sweetie,” Dani said softly as she brushed Donna’s hair out of her eyes.
“You were so…so sad.” Dani frowned, mostly out of concern for Donna, but also because this process was wearing on both of them.
“We slept together, you know?” She laughed softly. “Sleep? Sweet repose?” She pulled Donna closer and kissed her forehead.
“I hope you don’t mind, I borrowed this.” She used her hand to point to the pastel coral cami and tap pants she was wearing.
“Oh…okay,” Donna said sleepily before lowering her head back on the pillow.
“A little big on me, but I do so love the reason why.” Dani began to rub Donna’s breasts through her sports bra. A soft moan escaped Donna’s lips before her eyes widened.
“No…we can’t.” Dani frowned and stuck out her lower lip in a pout.
“Listen, I know why you don’t want to do anything.” She looked at her fiance with more than a little annoyance.
“But you and I have to settle one thing. Either we’re together and we’re going to stay together or not! If we are, then we need to go down to the court house today and get this done. Cause I can’t keep this up.”
“I’m sorry…after last night I’m sure that I love you but…” Donna looked down and tears fell on Dani’s hand.
“But nothing. I know what you’re thinking and you’re wrong. You think you don’t deserve happiness. We talked about this with Barbara last week, and you just talked again yesterday.” Dani frowned once again and got up off the bed.
“What more reason do you need? If my love isn’t enough to convince you that you’re worthy and deserving, I don’t know what will.” Tears began to fall from her eyes as she paced back and forth, slowly and deliberately.
“Jean loved you. She accepted you. She knew what to expect and yet she married you.” She chose her words carefully, almost as if she were composing an editorial for Donna alone.
“For God’s sake, Donna, you were going to be a parent. You were about to receive the greatest gift anyone could ever have.” Dani hesitated even as the words left her mouth, but she continued.
“And I know what you’re going to say…I didn’t deserve…” Dani grew angry, but it wasn’t with Donna per se. She was angry at all of the years that Don Carter lived in neglect in a home filled with things; that his parents never cared when he asked for something. Not like most parents whose “I don’t care” really means, “I trust you, go ahead and do it, I’m behind you.” Don’s parents literally didn’t care.
“Did God kill Jean and the baby just to prove a point to you? Don’t you see how selfish that would be? They died because her uterus ruptured and she bled out in seconds.” As difficult as it had been, Dani had actually grown to love the two ghosts of Donna’s past that she still treasured.
“You more than anyone I know deserve to be happy, but do any of us deserve that?” Dani walked up to the bed and lifted Donna’s chin softly and stared into her eyes.
“I don’t know if I deserve this, but I want it, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. You and I are commited and caring, and no sheet of paper will make it any more real than it is right now. We still need to do this to prove to yourself it’s real and it’s okay for you to be happy. You are my wife, and I am yours. I love you, and as far as I’m concerned, we’re on our honeymoon.”
Dani pushed Donna back on the bed. She climbed on and pulled off Donna’s bra, and not too gently. She began kissing her over and over, on the neck, the forehead, the ears, everywhere. Donna arched her back in welcome and Dani whispered in her ear,
“Permettez-moi ma chá¨re délicieux amant.” (Allow me, my sweet lover) She removed Donna’s panties and began kissing her stomach. Working her way up she began kissing Donna’s breasts softly and tenderly, almost in reverence. Her hand brushed against Donna’s mound. Donna shuddered at the touch; her first since the surgery.
“Ne vous inquiétez pas ne pas avoir peur je prendra soin de vous,” (don’t be afraid; I will take care of you”) she said softly.
She caressed and swept and scratched and kissed and touched Donna in ways that she would have never imagined. For the second time in twelve hours, Donna wept out of release. But this time was the first time she felt accepted and loved as a woman; an inescapable wonder of being blessed for the first time with the love of her partner. Dani had resisted the urge earlier, but she felt close and warm and safe herself and collapsed in her lover’s arms, weeping tenderly as her tears rolled down Donna’s side and onto the sheets.
I got wounds to bind
Later that day, Philadelphia Police 39th District Headquarters…
"Okay, Spinetti, this is how it's gonna work. Carter here is lead on every single interview. She has the degree and the experience to deal with this, so you'll defer to her on every matter. If she's not available, you let it lie. We can always go back, but the chief wants us to tread lightly; very lightly."
"I don't suppose that I can order out for fucking Chinese or Italian if she's in the can?" Spinetti laughed, being the only one in the room to find his joke funny.
"I'm warning you...this is nothing to fuck with. These kids have been through hell, and it's bad enough we have to put them through this again. If I hear of one breach of protocol, your ass is going to be in a sling." The man behind the desk leaned forward in his chair.
Captain Virgil Hughes was pragmatic. Unlike some who approach retirement, he had steeled himself to the fact that things weren't always sunny out in the pasture, and he only reluctantly looked forward to the small town police gig he had set up for the end of his run in Philly. He resented having Spinetti foisted on him suddenly, but he also knew that was the way things worked.
"Just so we get things straight here, okay?" He leaned forward again and smiled at Donna before focusing his entire attention on Carlo Spinetti, late of Traffic Patrol and heir to the legacy of his father, newly appointed assistant Police Commisioner Pasquale (Patsy) Spinetti.
"I'm two months away from my retirement. Two months. They've already got contracters coming this afternoon to rehab this office into a copy room, since the precinct is going to share administration with the 40th." He pause for effect and smiled, but he didn't seem happy at all.
"Nobody asked me, but I'm going to give you my opinion. You got this assignment because of whose fucking loins you sprang from, but as far as I'm concerned, you're a fuck up from the word go. You couldn't even handle Traffic, and now you're a fucking detective? Listen, kid. I don't care who the fuck your father is, you screw up once...just once on this, I'm not going to take the fucking fall, and neither is Carter here. You'll be out there all on your own, and you might as well get your resume out there for Kinkos or Wal-Mart, because I guarantee that if I have anything to say about it, your days as a cop will be over." Spinetti shrugged and smiled as if Hughes were joking.
"Listen you asshole. I can't afford to send anyone else out there, so it's just the two of you. Carter has enough to worry about with this interview; she won't have time to hold your hand. This is no fucking joke!"
"Sure, Captain... whatever you say." Spinetti smiled and turned to Donna whose return gaze said, "Hey, don't look to me for help." She turned and looked back at Hughes.
"Where are the boys located?" Donna asked.
"I can't tell you. The location for both boys is being protected by Social Services because of the parents. Any hint of where these kids are could put them in jeopardy. Mind you, I'm not saying that, Social Services are very concerned, especially since these maggots never went to trial."
"Why now and why us?" Donna had a vague idea of why the Philadelphia Police were involved, but the timing seemed strange since the boys were settled into their foster homes. If they were going to prosecute the parents, why didn't the local authorities take the lead?
"Us because the state AG wants our resources. Now because the kids have started talking again, and it's not very pretty." Hughes shook his head and looked out the window.
"More? There's more." It had taken Donna three years to realize that there was no corner on expletives due to gender. "What the fuck more could these kids have gone through?"
"Not what...who...they've started talking about other adult besides their parents." Hughes shooks his head as his fists balled up in anger.
"I don't know who...but the state AG is investigating this from her end, and she's got a shitload of grief piled up against her office door. This is big, and the less talk about it the better. The foster parents ...both sets....reported the boys having nightmares and flashbacks, and no names have come up, but some other stuff....places, impressions of faces and descriptons. Your job is to just let them talk. If they say anything, fine, but don't press."
"What happened to them?" Spinetti asked. Hughes looked at him crosswise and frowned.
"Read the fucking file..." His voice trailed off. Even though Donna was a cop and had already read the file herself, Hughes was not going to discuss the horror of this family in mixed company. "And don't repeat this to anyone...not a single person outside this office can know this is going on, because it their birth family gets wind of what the kids are saying, well. This goes beyond big, and I'm telling you right now, lives are at stake." Hughes blew out a breath and sat back in his chair.
"I'm only forty-nine and I'm getting too fucking old for this."
"How will we know where to go?" Donna looked at the file and noticed no address for either boy. The sister wasn't involved at all as far as the new investigation went, but her section had been completely excised from the file.
"Just before you head out, Carter will take the envelope in the file marked 'directions' and break the seal. Once you open the envelope, that's it.. Absolutely no phone calls to any place other than my direct line. No family, no friends, nobody." He leaned forward again.
"If I find out that you have talked to anyone about this case, IAB will be hearing from me as soon as I get off the fucking phone. Do I make myself clear?" Once again he focused on Spinetti.
"Yes," Donna said, looking sufficiently chastised even if she didn't require the extra warning. Spinetti nodded as if Hughes had recited the menu from Ming Palace.
"That's all." Hughes got up and walked to a cabinet in the corner.
"Carter, gimme a minute, okay? Spinetti? What part of "that's all" didn't you understand?" He frowned as the young man left the office.
"Spinetti, close the fucking door, would you?" He complied, leaving Donna and Hughes alone.
"Here's something I know you didn't expect to see again." He reached into the top drawer and pulled out a Glock 17 and holster along with a box of ammo. Not as hefty as her old 45, but it would do, if it ever came to it.
"I don't expect you to use this. In fact, please tell me you won't, but with all the shit we just talked about, the higher ups want you back here. Here's something else." He reached into his desk and pulled out a wallet. He opened it up, revealing a detective's shield.
"Oh, wait a second, Captain. I'm not even qualified for this anymore." Donna shook her head and bit her lip.
"That's been waived. I know you can handle this. Your own Captain is sure that you're the right one for this, even if it got dumped on you." He smiled warmly.
"And keep an eye on that fucker Spinetti. I don't trust him, and you shouldn't either. Don't tell him anything ahead of time and for God's sake don't let him anywhere near those kids. He's along for the ride as far as I'm concerned, okay?"
"Sure thing, Captain." Donna smiled and turned to go. Hughes made a coughing sound, causing her to turn toward him.
"Good to have you aboard, Donna." He smiled once again. Hughes was the first cop besides her old partner to call her by her first name since her transition.
"That's all." He turned his attention to the pile of papers on his desk.
I got troubles, whoa-oh
I got worries, whoa-oh
I came home again
They sat in a very dusty non-decript Crown Vic. Someone had spilled soda on the passenger seat and it was still sticky. Donna felt no sympathy for Spinetti, and got to the matter at hand.
“Let’s just see where we’re going.” She smiled, trying to be cordial with Spinetti, but wishing to God he were assigned anywhere but in the cramped interior of a very stale smelling ‘unmarked” sedan. Perhaps a squirrel or a possum would take no heed, but the Navy Blue paint job and cheap dark blue velour, coupled with the plain hubcaps and the antenna spiraling backward from the front fender, made it dead giveaway.
“Bloomsburg…that’s not too bad…just a shoot up 476 and onto 80 west and we’ll be there in a few hours.” She put the directions on the dash and went to start the car before pulling the key back out of the ignition.
“Oh shit, I left the file on my desk.” She started to open the door when Spinetti spoke up.
“I’ll get it, gotta go to the little boys room,” he said with an annoying snicker. “You must have fond memories of that, huh?” Donna just looked out the window and tried to ignore him. As he walked over to the stairwell she looked upward and said a quick prayer. Stepping behind a squad car, Spinetti pulled out a cellphone and punched in a number on the pad.
“Hello, WPVI? Channel 6? Can I speak with Karen Nowitski?” He peeked around the corner and saw that Donna was not looking in his direction.
“Yeah, Babe…It’s Carlo. Yeah…it’s Bloomsburg. Meet me up there at the rest stop on 80 West just outside of town. Yeah…by the Sbarros is okay…I found the kids!”
And I got a feelin'
Down in my sho-oo-oo-oes, said
Way down in my sho-oo-oes
Yeah, I got to ramble, whoa-oh
I got to move on, whoa-oh
I got to walk away my blues
Sweet Dreams <
Sweet dreams are made of this
Who am I to disagree?
I travel the world
And the seven seas
Everybody's looking for something.
On Interstate 80 in Pennsylvania…
"Remember, if you don't hold on to anything else that I say." Donna stared at the dash board.
She didn't think for one minute that Spinetti would pay heed to what she said, but she had to try to make it clear either way.
"These kids have been through hell. Did you read the file yet?" Donna was not at all confident that he would even understand.
"Fuck, man, are you shittin' me about this? This shit actually happened?" Even Spinetti had a sense of outrage over the victimization of the kids.
"Yes. That's what we have to be careful about. They've begun to talk, at least the twins have. The sister is in foster care in another state, and her therapist is refusing any contact with social services here in P A. Frankly, I don't blame the guy. She'll talk to him when she's ready. Hopefully by then the twins will have given us enough information to turn over to the State's attorney.
"Who the fuck could do something like this to a kid? I mean what fucking kind of person could fuck a kid?"
"You'd be surprised," Donna shook her head. Spinetti's question was reasonable, and he did seem interested, but Donna didn't really want to go into it right there. Jeannie had been hurt as a child, and it remained a wonder that the two of them ever were intimate considering both their pasts.
"Can we stop at the next rest stop? I gotta take a leak."
"We should...Maybe grab something to eat before going to the boy's house." She noticed the sign; Bloomsburg, 4 mi.
A few minutes later they pulled into the rest stop and parked across from the main entrance. As they got out, Spinetti spotted the unmarked van sitting several spaces down from them. As Donna stepped out of the car, he managed to read the address off the directions before Donna grabbed them and shoved them into her purse. Inside, he watched as Donna entered the Ladie's Room before walking quickly to the Sbarros stand where he was greeted with a kiss by his girlfriend.
"I can't hang here too long; she'll be out in a minute. The address is 15 Oakcrest Lane, Bloomsburg. Gotta run...See ya babe"
He stepped quickly to the Men's Room and entered. Karen Nowitski smiled before writing the address down a card. She pulled out her cell phone and hit the preset.
"Yeah...16 Oakcrest...no...He doesn't have a clue...yeah...sure. Okay, see you later."
Bloomsburg, Pennsylvania at the home of Ellen Muller…
"Now remember, I'm not asking any specific questions. It'll be what color, what was he wearing, do you know him?"
“I’m not an idiot. I know how to do an interview.” Spinetti spat. “Open ended questions…did he have any marks on his body; where did it take place. Don’t get your panties in an uproar.”
Donna pulled the car into the driveway and turned off the engine. She turned to Spinetti and smiled.
“Listen. We got off on the wrong foot. I’m sure you’ll be fine. Follow my lead, but if you notice something, just tap my elbow. I’m sure somebody had enough confidence in you to send you on this trip, so let’s work together, okay?” Even as she said it, she didn’t believe it at all, and was wondering how this would play out with a completely inexperienced officer involved in such a sensitive investigation.
“Yeah, .sure.” He stuck out his hand and they shook; establishing a very uneasy alliance. They got out of the car and walked toward the house. Spinetti noticed it first and motioned without a word toward the front door which was wide open.
“Hello, Mrs. Muller? Detective Donna Carter here...” She rapped lightly on the open door even as she motioned for Spinetti to get his weapon.
“I’m here with Detective Spinetti for the interview social services discussed with you. We just spoke on the phone? Mrs. Muller. Tim? Tim Dantoni? Hello?’ She pulled her Sig Sauer from her holster and motioned with her head for Spinetti to go around back. She stepped cautiously through the front door and looked down the hallway. The house was quiet but for the large tabby walking toward her. He rubbed up against her ankles and purred. A noise startled her and sent the cat running up the stairs.
“All clear back here,” Spinetti said in a loud whisper, an oxymoron if there ever was one as Donna shook her head and put her finger to her lips to shush him. She stepped further into the hallway and saw Ellen Muller lying face down in the living room, a pool of blood surrounding her body. She shook her head and swallowed hard. Spinetti joined her a moment later.
“Fuck” He said as he looked down at the body.
“Fuck yeah,” Donna said as she shook her head. The tom had returned and was once again purring at her feet. He hopped up onto the couch and looked down at the body as if assessing the situation. Donna heard rustling behind her, coming from by the stairs. She put her finger to her lips and motioned in the direction of the stairs. They walked slowly to the wall under the stairs. In the paneling Donna noticed a seam; it was a door — probably for storage. She pointed to the door and pulled her Sig Sauer up while Spinetti stepped back, pointing his weapon.
“You might as well come out. I’m Detective Carter and Detective Spinetti has his weapon out. Come on,” she said softly. The click of a latch was followed by the door swinging open. A boy peeked out, blinking his eyes from the light. He looked to be about eleven, but Donna knew that he was much older than that.
“Tim?” Donna used her free hand to help the boy climb out of the closet. His feet were tangled in a pile of boots and he tripped, falling against her and then to the floor. He was thin; almost emaciated and his face was stained with streaks from crying. She lifted him to his feet, and he nearly came eye to eye with her. His features were soft, almost feminine and his complexion was pale but not unhealthy, but set off by his ginger hair, which came to the top of his shoulders. He wore a tee shirt and cut off jeans.
“Hi,” he said, almost in a falsetto. She looked at him again and thought that but for the fact that he was flat chested, he would almost look like a runway model.
“Tim? Do you know who did this?” Spinetti said with a soft kind voice that surprised Donna.
“No,” he said again; his voice almost sounding like a little boy or girl. Donna had seen this in a few kids where she had done her internship. KidsPeace in Philadelphia, a residential program. His voice hadn’t changed. His mannerisms seemed almost asexual, and apart from his height, he held himself like a much younger kid, rather than the fifteen year old he was.
“We’ll get out of here now,” she said. I’ll make sure someone comes and takes care of your mom. Okay. But we have to go.” She would have continued but she was cut off by a loud sound next to her right ear. She turned to see splintered wood fly past her face. She turned around to look at Spinetti and saw him lurch forward, a hole in the middle of his back quickly obscured by the flow of blood. She reached to pull him up and he shook his head no.
“Get the fuck out of here…now! Fuck…Carter…Go…fucking get out of here” He pushed himself to sit up with his back against the wall. Donna looked back and he smiled, like everything between them had suddenly changed. She grabbed Tim and ran out the front door. Getting into the car, she jammed the keys into the ignition.
A figure walked slowly down the hall and stopped at the sprawled feet of Spinetti. His arms had fallen to his side and his hand had let go of his Sig.
“Very admirable, young man,” the man replied. “A hero for once in your life. Well, there’s a lot to be said for redemption.” His voice was almost soothing, like he was comforting Spinetti.
“Let’s not prolong this, yes?” He smiled with the kind of smile you’d expect from a doting grandfather or a kind shopkeeper of a toy store.
“Just so things will look nice for your parents, okay?” He said softfly as he put the silenced Colt to Spinetti’s chest and shot him through the heart. The last look on the face of Carlo Spinetti was almost one of disappointment. Carlo Spinetti…erstwhile bigot and misogynist…and hero.
Hold your head up - Keep your head up - Movin' on
Hold your head up - Movin' on - Keep your head up - Movin' on
Hold your head up - Movin' on - Keep your head up - Movin' on
Hold your head up - Movin' on - Keep your head up.
On Interstate 80 heading west...
Donna shook her head. How could this have happened? No one knew the address other than Social Services, and it would be easy enough to determine who had talked. She thought of Spinetti.
“He’ll be okay…he’s a cop…he can handle himself.” She felt foolish in thinking that. She’d seen the blood on his jacket. He wasn’t in any shape to defend himself, if he survived the back shot at all. She shook her head and she did something she would never have believed was possible. She began to weep for the young man; the man who sacrificed himself for her and the boy. She blinked back tears, trying desperately to stay focused and in control.
“Tim?” She glanced over at the boy, whose head rested against the window as he cried his own tears. He turned to face her and spoke.
“Why? What did Mom do? Why did they kill her…she dinnt do anything! Whathefuck?” It was almost eerie as the word came out of a fifteen year old but sounded like a fifth-grader. He shook his head and punched the headliner.
“I’m sorry, Tim, but you know something that people don’t want anyone to find out,’ Donna wiped her face with her arm and grabbed his left hand.
“Tim…look at me…do you have a cell phone? With your brother’s and your sister’s number?”
“Yeah…” He pulled the phone out of his shorts pocket and held it up.
“Listen to me…Tim…this is very important, okay?” She looked into his eyes and waited for a sign of recognition.
“Call you brother and your sister.” Tell them what happened. Tell them to get their foster parents and put them on the line…okay…can you do that for me?” She smiled as she kept looking back throught the rear view mirror. No car followed them. There still might be a problem because of the motor pool car, which was easily identifiable.
“Yeah…” There was that voice again. It didn’t sound like a kid’s voice. Tim sounded like a fifteen year old girl.
“Okay…Call your brother…what’s his name?”
“Ben.” He nodded and punched in the number. A few seconds later his brother answered.
“Ben…go get Nancy, okay? NO…Just fucking get her!” He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.
“Nancy…This is…yeah…Timmy. I gotta tell you sometin….NO…Mom got shot….NO… wait… listen.” He shook his head and his pale face began to get red. He pulled the phone back and shook his head again.
“Give me the phone, Tim.” He handed it to her.
“Hello? This is Detective Carter of the Philadelphia Police Department…No this isn’t a joke. No…I’m serious…yeah he told the truth….Mrs. Muller is dead, Mrs. Capaldi…No…listen…do not call the police...I don’t have time to explain. No…Don’t call the sheriff’s department. Get a phonebook or call information.” She coughed and rubbed her nose.
“Get the number of the FBI…yes…the FBI…No Mrs. Capaldi...no please don’t hang up. Right…the FBI. Tell them I told you to call…give them the Muller address and tell them to call social services...yes …Give them my name…Detective Donna Carter..Right…Philly police….Badge 7881...one sec.” She coughed again as tears came to her eyes.
“Mrs. Capaldi…tell them officer down at Muller location…yes off…..offf…” she hesitated as the tears streamed down her face.
“Gunshot wound… send ...Yes an ambulance….No…okay…..yes…say back to me what I just told you to do…yes FBI…yes...social services…Mrs. Capaldi?…I want you to take Ben..Anyone else there NO? Good...is this a cell phone? Good get the number get in your car and go to a mall or a public …a library will be great...make those calls …..ohhhkay? Yes...thanks...”
A half hour later they were pulled into the parking lot of the Lycoming Mall. She had repeated the process with Tim’s sister’s foster dad. McDonald’s drive-thru lunch sat on the seat between her and Tim. She looked at him as he once again rested his head against the door window. She turned on the radio.
“….Detective Spinetti had just transferred from another precinct. He was the son of newly appointed Deputy Police Commissioner Pasquale Spinetti. He was twenty-five. Authorities are looking for his partner, Detective Donna Carter, as a person of interest in the case. She is 36, at about 5’7’’ with blond hair. Anyone with information regarding this case should contact the State Police at 888-555-2728. And another tragic story. Popular Channel 6 Morning Host Karen Nowitski died today with her camera man, Dave Nader, in a one car accident on Route 80 just outside Bloomsburg. An investigation is underway to determine….” Donna snapped off the radio and blew out a breath. A second later her cell phone rang.
“Hello…hey hon…what? They think I did it? What? The Colt is missing? What..no…wait… Dani? Shit. I’m in Williamsport…yeah…okay…We’ll be at…..” She looked around the parking lot until she spotted what she was looking for.
“We’ll be at the movies in the Lycoming Mall, but first a trip to Penney’s…Yeah…I’ve got the boy with me…we’ll be in that Twilight Saga thing…yeah…Be careful…okay? Oh and Dani…look for two redheads…no…mother and ….daughter. And Dani…I love you!”
An hour later two figures stood in line for the two o’clock show. A mother with medium length red hair, dressed in cream colored slacks and sandals and a Kelly green button down blouse and a chic short brown leather jacket. The daughter wore a green and black horizontal wide striped mini over black jersey leggings and black sketchers. Her green cardigan was tied around her neck by the sleeves. Her bright red hair was pulled back to reveal a new jade necklace and her ears were adorned with new hoop earrings. She looked much more comfortable and confident than her ‘mother’ had expected.
“I’m sorry we had to do this.” Donna said in an almost whisper.
“That’s okay...I actually wanted to see this movie.” Tim said.
“No...I meant…I’m sorry you had to…you know …dress like a girl. We have to hide, and they’ll be looking for a blonde woman and a red-headed boy. I’m sorry.” Donna shrugged.
“No…I don’t mind…it’s okay…you don’t have to apologize.” Tim said again, his soft high voice seemed to match his attire which was disconcerting.
“I mean…even at that…most boys…you know…would be…having to wear girl’s clothes.”
“Well, I guess that makes sense, but I don’t mind wearing girl’s clothes….since I’m a girl.” Tim smiled and Donna just stared before saying to herself.
“Son of bitch…she is a girl.”
Some of them want to use you
Some of them want to get used by you
Some of them want to abuse you
Some of them want to be abused.
What Dreams May Come
I was a little girl alone in my little world who dreamed of a little home for me.
I played pretend between the trees, and fed my house guests bark and leaves, and laughed in my pretty bed of green.
Outside the Lycoming Mall 12 Multiplex Theater…
Donna looked around nervously. They had abandoned the car in the back of the mall in the employee parking area; no one would discover the car for quite some time. She still wondered even with the change in clothes and hair whether they’d be picked out of the crowd. They were.
“Oh hi, honey… Did you guys like the movie? A tall-ish woman approached them. She wore black linen slacks and sandals with a maroon shell. Her hair was auburn, and she had very exotic looking eyes. As she neared them, Tim stepped behind Donna; at 5’8” he likely would have been taller than her but for her two-inch heels.
“Oh, hi sweetheart,” Donna called in return. “We’re sorry you couldn’t make it. We loved it.” In actuality Donna didn’t like the movie at all. The Twilight thing was sold out and they got stuck watching a lame comedy.
“I’ve got the rest of the day off; my boss doesn’t even know I’m gone.” Dani smiled hugged the boy before embracing Donna. Tim stared at the couple and smiled.
“They think you did it,” she whispered and pulled away slowly. Donna tried to hide the shock on her face.
“That’s interesting. Why don’t we go get something to eat, honey?
“Okay, that sounds like a great idea.” She grabbed the boy by the hand and said,
“We can finish shopping after we eat, okay?” The boy nodded, recognizing the need to keep up pretenses.
“Maybe we can go to Victoria’s Secret?” Tim smiled as they passed the store. Any other teen and Donna would have believed the boy was kidding, but with him and what she had seen and heard, he probably did want to shop there.
“Maybe…” She smiled as they reached the exit. A tall man in his late fifties stood at the doorway and scanned them as they passed. Shaking his head, he looked at his watch before scanning the people approaching the exit as Donna and Dani and Timmy walked out unnoticed.
TGI Fridays in Williamsport…
"When did you know... aaa….what do I call you?" The ginger-haired girl sat very lady-like while eating a cob salad. It seemed to Donna to be almost uncanny how the child had switched from boy mode to girl in such a short time.
"Well, my name is Donna but we'll need to use different names. You can call me...
"Why doesn't she just call you Mommy,” the other woman teased as she sipped her sweet tea. Donna was never able stomach the almost sickening saccarine taste of sweet tea, even after spending years in Georgia when her father was in the service.
"Oh...I suppose she has two Mommies, then?" Donna said before continuing.
"Why don't you call me Nicole...it was my Mom's name." It was odd after all these years; the only connection Donna had with her mother was at that moment in adopting her name.
"Nicole? Nikki...like in Castle? Nikki Heat?" The girl laughed softly and Donna's cheeks grew warm.
"Why then…I can be Paris... sisters we are, having grown up together separately. The girl looked at her and smiled.
"Well that would be fairly idiotic, wouldn't it....you being Asian and her being White!"
The girl wasn't being racist. She just was unable to read social cues and she struggled with impulse control as well. Having only just met her, Dani misunderstood and took it personally.
"Just a second, kid...that's uncalled for and." She was interrupted by a hand grabbing her wrist softly.
"She's not...she can't help it." Donna tried not to exclude the girl but a soft voice spoke up.
"Aspergers....sorry...I was in a special program at school...they were really good at helping, and I have gotten better...really."
"That's....okay." Dani turned to Donna and raised her eyebrows and shrugged as if to say,
"What did we just get ourselves into?"
"Are you two lovers?" She said it with such grace and aplomb and so unexpectedly that Donna nearly snarffed her Diet Pepsi. While she was composing herself, Dani helped out by answering.
"You are looking, kid, at the love of my life." She smiled at the girl and then back at Donna.
"She's done everything to bring meaning to my life and she brings me great joy." Dani shook her head, wondering why she had been so self-revealing. She took a sip of her tea even as Donna looked up. Without missing a beat, she said calmly.
"And I screw like a mink...her mink!" Donna laughed as Dani nearly spit her tea onto the table.
"Well...that's good, isn't it?" The girl looked back and forth between the two. Dani wiped the tea from her nose and smiled.
"That's very good, kid."
"So Nicole and???" She looked at Dani for an answer.
"Paulette...My mom's name." She stuck out her tongue.
"So Nicole and Paulette it is, but what about you?" Donna leaned closer to gain eye contact as the girl's gaze had begun to wander.
"Sweetie, look at me, okay?"
"Oh...sorry. Could you...would you mind calling me Eowyn?" She put her head down and her already rosy cheeks darkened. Dani put her hand to her chin in a thoughtful pose.
"Hmmm...Twenty-first Century Neo-hippie lesbian couple with Tolkien-inspired transgender daughter named Eowyn? Works for me!" Donna laughed softly. It was good to laugh...the first time since they left the girl's house in terrified flight. She closed her eyes to take a moment to savor the rest, but her arm felt a gentle tug.
"So...you were saying? Actually you never told me and I wanted to find out because it's important and I need to know because if I don't I'll..." Donna touched the girl's cheek softly and whispered,
"Not so loud, honey...and you don't have to worry...I'll answer any question you like." Donna wanted the girl to understand that she wasn't going anywhere...no urgency ...at least when it came to curiosity; she'd be there in the morning.
"Okay, I'm sorry!" The girl grew redder once again and folded her arms. Tears came to her eyes and she looked away.
"Honey...Eowyn...sweetheart?" Dani wasn't used to relating to children, but she felt oddly empowered and spoke.
"You're not in trouble. We just need to be quiet so that no one sees us, okay? Now...what was your question?
"I wanted to know when Nikki here first felt like she was a girl...you know...did you have feelings when you were little...did they come before or after you were abused...you know."
"Hon...I wasn't abused at all. Nothing happened to me."
"No...Not that...I mean when they started fucking you...when did that happen."
"It never happened...I was never hurt that way!" Donna looked at Eowyn and tried to put the girl at ease.
"Why are you lying...What the fuck is the deal here...why are you lying." The girl's face grew redder once again, but her embarrassment was replaced by sadness, some anger, and horror as she realized by Donna's expression that she was telling the truth.
"No...It's not fair...fuck it, it's not fair." By now she was getting hysterical and a look of panic crossed Donna's face; there was no way they wouldn't be noticed. Tears fell from girl's face as she got up.
"No fucking fair!" She ran into the ladies room as every eye followed her exit. Donna looked at Dani with a look that said, "I'll go help her, but what do we do about this." Without a word, Dani nodded and put her head on hands in thought as Donna hurried out. A moment later she stood up and said loudly, hoping no one there was from Allentown,
"Thank you…Thank you…. We're an improv group from the Little Players Theater in Allentown. I hope you enjoyed the show." She remained standing, looking around the room with almost pleading eyes and hoping no one was from Allentown. Her worry was interrupted as an older man stood up and began to clap. Soon everyone in the room was standing and applauding, causing Dani's face to grow warm. She nodded in acknowledgment before sitting down. She raised her hand and the waitress came quickly.
"Beer... Do you have any Killian's Red?" The girl nodded and Dani signed 'two' and said,
"One for me and my...wife." The girl shrugged and made a crinkle in her nose before saying,
"Ohh...I think that's so nice...You and your wife....you must be from out of state...My cousin Tiffany from Iowa is married to a nice girl…did I say that...I'm sorry." She paused and said quietly before walking away,
"Don't say anything, but it'll be on the house. Your little play was so good! I'm in my theater group at the community college and I want to be in theater once I finish school...oh there I go again, sorry." She smiled nervously as Dani wondered if the girl and their waitress had been separated at birth.
TGI Fridays Ladies Room
“Tim? Timmy?” Donna called as the walked into the ladies room. The girl stood by the sinks and was shaking.
“Stop using that name! I hate that name! I hate it.” She tried in vain to wipe the tears from her face as they cascaded down her cheek.
“Okay…I’m not sure I can remember Eowyn…what can I call you?” Donna walked closer and went to put her hand on the girl’s shoulder but she turned away.
“I don’t care…just don’t use that name!” She looked at the girl and marveled. If she hadn’t met her hours before as the boy they were to interview, she would have never known there even was a boy. She thought for a moment.
“You ever read the Narnia books?” She was grasping at straws. Even at fifteen, the girl looked and acted like a twelve or thirteen year old. She guessed correctly purely by chance.
“Yeah…I read them to Billy before he went to live with his aunt.
“Well, I have a favorite character…Jill Pole, you remember?”
“Yeah… the voice sounded so immature and yet the girl was bright and engaging at times.
“Well I think you’re a strong and brave girl, honey, so I think Jill suits you, okay.” She nodded as her tears began to abate. She looked at Donna and shook her head.
“I still think it’s fucking unfair!”
“I know it hurts. My first…my wife was abused as a child. I don’t know if I could go through that and survive, but you did!” She wanted so much to hold the girl in her arms. She couldn’t remember the last time she hugged a child, and the one time she wanted to she was unable.
“Girls like me get fucked, don’t they?” She almost pled, looking for something that would ease her pain.
“Why do you say that, honey?” Donna had almost never used endearing terms, even when she was married to Jean.
“Because it’s true.” She argued, almost like a little girl. She even stamped one foot.
“Jill…Jill,” Donna said softly while cupping the girl’s chin with her hand. She looked up and she had begun to cry.
“Why do you say that…did someone tell you that?” Donna was fairly sure someone had,
“Because she said it!” She emphasized the word ‘said,’ as if it were a command.
“Who said it, Jill? Who told you that?” Donna kept eye contact and continued to speak softly. The girl pursed her lips.
“My mom! She said that any boy who wants to be a girl should be fucked.” Donna could hardly believe what she heard; the profanity didn’t faze her in the least, but she was shocked that her own mother would have said that.
“Oh, honey, why would she say that?” Donna really did want to know, but it came out as questioning whether or not she actually said it.
“Oh, you’re just like everybody else…she couldn’t have said that…why would your mother say that?” The girl was screaming at this point.
“No, Jill, honey, I just want to understand….Why did she say that? What happened?” Donna knew what happened, but the girl needed some connection and understanding.
“She hated me…She hated all of us….it kept her from having fun…” It was painful, and Donna tried to calm her down. She stepped closer and pulled the girl in quickly and gave her a bear hug. Jill tried to pull away but Donna just held on while speaking softly in the girl’s ear.
“Shhh…shhhh…you’re safe….I’ve got you….don’t be afraid….shhhhh.” Slowly the girl’s body began to relax and she was weeping softly on Donna’s shoulder.
“Why did Mommy hate us…why did she hate me…I just wanted to be like her.” Donna felt the girl's sobs as she shuddered.
“I don’t know honey…I don’t know.”
Long walks in the dark through
woods grown behind the park,
I asked God who I'm supposed to be.
The stars smiled down on me,
God answered in silent reverie.
I said a prayer and fell asleep.
The two exited the ladies room and walked the short hallway into the dining room. One after another of the diners stood up and began applauding. Donna looked in amazement at Dani who shrugged her shoulder and mouthed…
“Just go along and smile.” She turned and waved as they walked to the cashier to pay. Moments later they walked the door to applause and cheers and one woman yelling,
“Please let us know when you put on your play…we’d love to see it!’
The Eagles Mere Inn in Williamsport...
“She’s asleep,” Donna said as Dani came out of the bathroom. Nicole and Paulette Underhill and their daughter Jill found the bed and breakfast out of the way just outside Willamsport. Donna sat down on the bed, able to relax for the first time since their flight began hours before.
“You okay?” Dani knew better than to ask that question without being ready for an answer.
“I’ve been shot at, my partner got killed, I’m on the run because the whole world thinks I’m a murderer and you ask me…” Dani put her finger to Donna’s lips.
“We…not just you…we are on the run because we are going to find out who is responsible for hurting this kid and killing your partner and framing you. It’s going to be okay, alright?”
“But…” Dani put her finger to Donna’s lips before saying,
“I can see I’m going to have to take some drastic measures.” She pulled Donna closer and began kissing her.
“Stop…Dani…no…nnnhh,” she began to almost coo as Dani kissed her neck.
“Bbb..ut….”
“Shhh…it’s okay, honey…just hugs and kisses…the children might wake up.” Dani laughed softly as they fell back on the bed. After some hugs and kisses, Donna fell asleep with Dani spooning her and singing softly in her ear.
"I had a dream...that I could fly from the highest tree...I had a dream."
I lived it full and I lived it well,
there's many tales I've lived to tell.
I'm ready now, I'm ready now,
I'm ready now to fly from the highest wing.
I had a dream
Nightmares!
I used to walk between the shadows
Lost in a world that moved too fast
I was afraid I`d always be alone
Then I saw your face at last
Somewhere....In the middle of the night...
"Why didn't you stay?"
The voice pled as Donna walked through the fog. She felt cold and clammy as the mist stuck to her flesh almost like the glue from cheap bandages. She looked to her left and saw nothing; the fog seemed to be back lit as if she were walking on a soundstage.
"The girl." She felt her thoughts being ripped from her, and she shook her head.
"Not a girl! Not worth saving! Why didn't you stay?" The voice was no louder than before but it seemed to scream. An accusation!
"I had to save the girl." She cried. "She was going to die."
"What about me...don't I count? Why didn't you save me?" The voice was almost too loud to hear.
"I had no choice."
"There's always a choice!" The mist was getting thicker, almost smothering. She looked to her right. Nothing and yet the voice yelled without volume; the mere words were louder than any siren or horn she had ever heard.
"You left me to die...I deserved to live." The voice accused once again. The guilt began to cling almost as tenaciously as the fog; she grew colder with each step she took.
"The girl."
"Always the girl....what about me? Wasn't I important enough to save?" Donna felt the words pierce her heart once again. She stumbled and fell; her bound hands unable to keep her from hitting the ground hard...the impact broken only by her bare arms. She rolled over, in more pain than she had felt in two lifetimes as she screamed, no sound coming from her throat.....
"Honey...it's a dream....it's a dream."
Donna looked up to see Dani's face looking down with the same concern that each night brought; love that held and caressed and cradled. She began to weep...a routine almost as ingrained and scheduled as the morning paper hitting the front porch or the neighborhood dog barking at the same squirrel...morning after morning.
She shuddered and buried her face in Dani's breast as she cried. Dani stroked her hair, wet with the perspiration that only comes from the terror of facing fear head on and losing; night after night.
The Eagles Mere Inn in Williamsport the next morning…
"And the festival will be celebrating the diversity of the city, rich with history. It ends on Sunday, but we'll have our cameras there all week. And Bret Michaels will be back in town to kick off the festival Tuesday afternoon. Dale?" The woman shuffled her papers and looked sad. The girl sitting on the bed turned up the volume to the TV set.
"And some sad news. Virgil Hughes, former Mechanicsburg police officer and currently a Captain in the Philadephia Police Department, was killed in a one-car accident outside York yesterday evening. Hughes was two months from retirement and had planned on resettling back home in York. He was 47 and leaves a widow and two children..." The channel quickly changed as the girl pointed the remote, shuffling through station after station.
"Breakfast!" Dani said just then as the doorway closed behind her. She put down the drink tray and bag from Dunkin' Donuts and smiled like a little girl.
"I love this show," she said as she opened the bag. She handed the girl a sandwich and a cup of coffee as Mark Dascasos bowed to Cat Cora and Soue Chef Darien Jaynes. Dani sat down and took a sip of her coffee just as Donna came back into the room; having to shower down the hall in the common bathroom. The girl turned and looked at Donna before remarking casually.
"You look like shit!" She smiled pleasantly before she caught Dani's glare. She shrugged her shoulders and held her hands up as if to say sorry before continuing.
"Well...you look like you just walked outta hell...my uncle used to say that...I never knew what that meant." Dani shook her head at the girl and half-frowned.
"I hope you never do, kid, really." The girl smiled at her and turned once again to face Donna, who was drying her hair with a too-small towel. Dani turned to her as well and raised her eyebrows as if to ask, "You okay?" Donna looked back and half-smiled, her expression the same as every other morning, which silently spoke,
"As good as I'm going to be...I'll be okay." Almost as much a part of morning obaltions as brushing her teeth or combing her hair. Dani reached over and grabbed the last coffee and sandwich and handed it to Donna just as Dacascos revealed the secret ingredient - Catfish. Donna started to laugh and the girl turned.
"What's so funny about Catfish?" Donna was sipping her coffee by then and Dani fielded the question.
"It fits since we've been swimming in shit since this whole thing started." She laughed softly. That laugh? Maybe the one thing that soothed Donna’s soul, like a riff from B.B. King or a run by Diana Krall or Groban’s tenor. She turned and snuck a look in the mirror over the dresser to catch her partner smiling at her. Dani noticed and stuck out her tongue before mouthing, "I still love you, you brat!"
I close my eyes and see tomorrow
My dreams begin and end with you
I hear you say you`ll be there
Always be there
I must believe it`s true
Route 78E outside of Hamburg, Pennsylvania…
The Toyota Corolla breezed by exit after exit; Dani had no idea where to drive other than Donna’s occasional “nope, not here.” She had left everything but her purse in the police cruiser. The packet from Social Services was missing when she and Jill had gotten out to the car. Maybe Spinetti had brought the packet inside the house and it had gotten lost when the shooting started.
She tried to put together a tentative destination based on her vague memory of the map included with the packet; it had two red circles but she didn’t recognize any of the town names on 78 as they drove east; closer and closer to home and maybe jail or worse. She had no alibi other than a very nervous girl sleeping fitfully in the back sear of the car. The radio revealed what she had missed while taking her shower. With Hughes dead, she could only hope that someone at Social Services would straighten out the whole mess.
"Are you kidding me?"
Dani looked at Donna while trying to keep an eye on the road. Captain Hughes was her only connection to the case; everything was discussed with the office door closed. With Hughes dead, nobody knew the specifics of the assignment, and she just appeared to everyone as a cop gone bad. Even her Captain back at SVU had only communicated with Hughes, from what she gathered, so that was a dead end as well. She hoped desperately for Captain Shaunessy's sake that whoever killed Hughes didn't consider her a threat as well. Dani shook her head and mock-pouted.
"I wouldn't count on Social Services if I were you....someone wants..." She paused and mouthed.
"Someone wants her dead," before continuing.
"Someone wants this case closed. If Hughes was killed...Him and Spinetti and that girl from Channel Six? Too much of a coincidence. I'd bet the farm that Social Services either has a mole or that information you got was prepared by someone who wanted to set you up." She muttered under her breath as a car cut them off. She shook her head and her hands tensed her grip on the wheel; she worried about the car until it sped off.
"We have nothing that links me to an actual case other than that I was supposed to interview Jill and her brother. Speaking of which," She used her head to indicate the girl in the back seat.
“Jill…Jill, honey…look at me,” Donna leaned over the seat and tapped the girl on the knee. Jill pulled back with a look that could only be described as horror mixed with surprise
“NOOoooo!” She shouted, almost in an ear-splitting scream. Dani was disracted enough to miss the next exit as she turned her head. The girl cowered in the seat against the door.
“Oh…shit.” Donna realized that she had just triggered a flashback with an innocent touch; innocent of course to her, but a sad and terrifying reminder of the past. The girl began to cry and she banged her head repeatedly against the seat back. Donna spoke firmly and just loud enough to interrupt the girl’s sobs.
“Jill, Jill…look at me…It’s safe…you’re here in the car with Paulette and me,” she said, remembering to use their adopted names.
“You’re in a car, Jill and you’re safe…Do you hear me?”
The girl looked at her and nodded before wiping her face with her sleeve. It was only then that Donna noticed the girl had a teddy bear in her lap.
"She must have had that in her backpack," Donna thought.
She brought the bear to her chest and cuddled it; smothering it almost while continuing to rock back and forth, her head-banging becoming less pronounced. She cooed in the Teddy’s ear softly as her sobbing subsided. Donna made a mental note to ask the girl later in a more benign setting if she was aware of any more triggers so they could steer clear of that psychic minefield.
Lehigh Valley Mall, Allentown, Pennsylvania…
After a quick potty stop and more coffee and food at McDonalds, they pulled the car into the mall in Allentown off of 22. Driving around back, they felt reasonably safe that they could rest for a while. It was almost noon, and the sun beat down on the windshield of the Toyota, reflecting a hot glare off the dashboard. Even with the windows down the car was steamy, even for a fairly brisk day in March. Dani put down the novel she was reading and nudged a barely-sleeping Donna. Her nightmares only happened at night, ironically, and she was at least able to get some reprieve, even if she still slept fitfully.
“Honey…You’re talking in your sleep.” She reminded her with a look of the eye toward the sleeping girl in the back seat as if to say, “She might get frightened.” Donna sat forward and set her seat upright.
“It’s just…I can’t get his face out of my mind. He smiled, Dani….like he knew he was going to die and it was okay.” She sniffled and blinked out tears as Dani reached over and touched her partner’s face.
“There was nothing you could have done…if you had stayed the girl might be dead…and you, too.” She bit her tongue, remembering back to a time in the recent past where she had almost lost Donna when her partner literally took a bullet for her from a murderer. Her own eyes began to mist up, but she quickly regained control. Time enough for sad memories after this nightmare was over; if It ever did end. She took her Diet Coke out of the cup holder and raised it.
“To Spinetti…a pain in the ass in life…but a hero in death. I didn’t know you, Detective, but I am so grateful you save my baby’s life.” She was about to add another toast when a voice came from the back seat.
“What the fuck…not Spinetti!” The girl’s voice was almost a soft sing-song, belying the shock on her face.
“Yes, honey…that was his name. I’m so sorry you had to see that.” Donna wondered if the girl would ever be able to function without sad and scary memories. Between the hell of the abuse she and her siblings underwent and then witnessing not only the death of Detective Spinetti but her foster mother as well. Donna's thoughts were quickly interrupted as the girl spoke again.
“His name was Spinetti?” She tilted her head and her eyes widened in surprise, but she didn’t seem sad or scared at all.” Donna looked at the girl and spoke.
“Yes…that’s his name...but you just said it yourself.” The girl looked at her as if she had two heads and said,
“No, not him…the other guy.” Donna looked again at the girl and failed to notice Dani’s eyes widen in a mixture of surprise and fear.
“Which other guy…we came alone…it was just him and me, honey. There was nobody else.” Donna shook her head as the girl’s expression became impatient.
“Not him, stupid the other guy…the guy who interviewed me the first time.” Her tone was rude, to be sure, but she was growing frustrated, unable to get Donna to understand what she was trying to say. Dani had figured it out…at least up to a certain point.
“There was another Detective named Spinetti that you talked to?” Dani smiled at the girl who smiled back warmly.
“See…she understands.” She paused for a moment in thought. Her face grew red and she bowed her head before saying,
“I’m sorry…you’re not stupid.” She tried to smile past her embarrassment and Donna helped with a smile back and,
“It’s okay Jill.” She turned to Dani and raised her eyebrows before Dani asked.
“Jill, look at me...this is important. What did this other Spinetti look like?” The girl thought for a moment and spoke.
“You know who Martin Scorcese is? Gangs of New York…that Lewis guy creeps me out. The Departed? Why did they have to kill Anthony Anderson…I hate when they do stuff like that. And DeCaprio is so pretty. I wish I had a boyfriend like him….You ever see The Island? He was really good in that but I don’t know why he made that movie…And then he got killed in the Departed of course. I cried when I saw that. Mom told me we couldn’t watch it but I watched it anyway.” Dani nearly shouted, not from impatience, but the girl would have kept going.
“You’re saying that the “other” Spinetti looked like Martin Scorcese?”
“Yeah, except he had red hair. Same eyebrows though.” Dani turned to Donna, fully expecting that both of them would have the same expression; horror and desparation. The girl had just given a fairly accurate description of newly-appointed Deputy Police Commisioner Patsy Spinetti.
Donna may not have said it, but she was thinking exactly same thing as Dani shook her head.
“Son of a fucking bitch!”
I found my way even in the dark
Though at times it seemed too far
Somehow I knew even at first sight
That love is anywhere you are
Love is where you are
Love is where you are
Angels
For every little fault that you have
Say I've got three or four
The human little faults you do have
Just make me love you more
In the car on Route 22 East...
“Do we have to eat in?” Jill whined from the back seat. The very attractive woman in the driver’s seat almost channeled her father when she thought,
“If you don’t stop whining I’m going to turn this car around and we’ll just go home.” Dani mulled that for a moment before remembering that the entire police force of Philadelphia would be waiting to arrest her partner for murdering a police officer.
“Jill, we talked about this,” Donna said. The girl looked out the window.
“Jill, please look at me,” Donna said firmly to gain the girl’s eye contact. Jill turned and faced her.
“Honey…we shouldn’t go to a restaurant, even with our disguises; we can’t risk being seen. We’ll get something to take out and eat at whatever motel we settle on, okay. I promise; when this is all over, you and I and Paulette here will take you anywhere you want to go. We can even dress up fancy. Dani winced at both the idea and her 'new' name.
“Promise?”
“Absolutely,” Donna said. Even in the past several years, she and Dani had never gone out ‘dressed fancy,” so it would be an experience they could all share, albeit awkwardly perhaps.
“Still no answer at your brother’s house?” Dani asked, looking in the rearview mirror. Jill looked at her and frowned.
“No…he’s not fucking answering.” The profanity could have been a social faux pas, but Donna took no chances.
“You’re worried about him and your sister, aren’t you?” A minefield she hesitated entering, but it was necessary if risky.
“Fuck yeah… What if they got there before he had a chance to get out?”
Jill looked at her and burst into tears. She started banging her head against the back of the seat until Donna reached out and tapped her wrist. It was a harmless gesture that had no previous meaning for the girl, and it got her attention. She stopped banging her head and looked at Donna.
“Does Jimmy have a place to go? You know…someplace that only you and he know about.” Donna tried to smile and hoped her expression would calm the girl.
“I think he would go to the treehouse. It’s not far from here…our third foster home.”
Donna looked at the map; they had doubled back and were heading toward Kutztown on 22W. She hesitated turning on the radio with the possibility of bad news always looming, but swallowed hard and pressed the power button.
“The Mayor indicated that the budget was negotiable only to a point, and referred to the falloff in state funding for the program. In other news, the investigation of the murder of Detective Marco Spinetti took a strange turn today as it was discovered that Detective Terry Manahan, the former brother-in-law of the primary suspect, Detective Donna Carter, is missing and presumed dead as his car was found in the Schuykill River this morning. Manahan, 39, was retired and working as an IT security consultant. This follows closely on the news that social worker, Ms. Christine Accosta, was found dead of an apparent suicide…” The click of the radio nearly covered Donna’s gasp. Dani reached over and grabbed her wrist softly.
“Maybe he got out; you know Terry…he’s indestructable,” She said even as her own tears nearly matched the ones streaming down Donna’s cheeks. It was not just frightening any more…not just impossible…it had just become personal.
A soft whimper came from the back seat. Donna turned to see Jill leaning against the car window, weeping.
“It’s okay, honey…we’ll make sure that Jimmy and your sister are okay.” She patted the girl on the wrist only to have the girl shake her head no.
“What’s wrong, then? Are you okay?” She shook her head no. Donna half-smiled.
“Your brother…brother-in-law…” She continued to cry.
“That’s sweet, honey…you didn’t even know him...?”
Donna wondered why the girl would cry.
“Bbutt….you’re sad…it hurt you!” The girl dissolved into a torrent of tears as the events of the past several days finally caught up with her. Dani pulled the car into the parking lot of a strip mall and pulled in back. Donna got out and climbed into the back seat. She pulled the girl close to her and held her as she wept along with her.
“Shhh…shhhhh….it’s okay.” She rocked the girl gently in her arms, almost as much for her own sake as for Jill’s. Dani reached back and grabbed Jill’s hand and squeezed.
“Shh…shhhh.” She joined in the sad chorus as the couple found that they had become more than fond of the girl. The three had grown in that one small moment. Jill had just taken a significant step by her display of empathy for Donna’s loss. And the couple had just grown closer to each other and to the girl as they took a giant leap into parenthood.
You may not be an angel
Cause angels are so few
But until the day that one comes along
I'll string along with you
The tree house in the woods behind the Andrews' family farmhouse...
“Nobody’s been here for quite some time, honey. Maybe his foster parents went to the FBI like we told them?” Donna prayed desperately that she was right; anything other than following those instructions would likely have resulted in the parents' deaths and Jill’s brother being held captive; the thought of which turned her stomach in disgust.
“You think the feds might have them in protective custody?” Dani looked at Donna and saw the frown and shake of the head.
“Well…That’s promising,” Dani said as she shook her head in return.
“Why don’t we go get something to eat at that Chinese restaurant I saw just before we got her? I think maybe we can risk it since it’s almost seven and it’s already getting dark. The motel up the road seems like a good bet as well.”
Donna wasn’t going to let fear rule their decisions; the bad guys might have resources, but they couldn’t cover the entire state, could they?
Panda Moon Restaurant, Hamburg, Pennsylvania…
“May I be excused?” Jill looked at Dani, not so much for permission, since she was going to the ladies room. She was seeking approval, since displaying ‘table manners’ was something she was trying to master. Dani nodded and smiled.
“What are we going to do?” Dani bit her lip before continuing; one of them needed to broach the subject, and since she was already talking?
“With Terry gone…” Donna gasped but bit her tongue to keep control.
“With Terry gone, we don’t have anyone to turn to. I’d say drive to Harrisburg and contact the FBI, but who knows where this goes?”
“We go to the source. It started in Jill’s home; we go to her family’s house. No one will expect it.” Dani looked at her as if she had two heads.
“Isn’t that a bit drastic?” She shrugged her shoulders.
“What do you suggest?” Donna snapped, but immediately grabbed Dani’s wrist.
“I’m sorry…I’m just…” The look in Dani’s eyes told Donna she understood. She was going to continue but just then Jill and the waitress arrived. The girl walked around the table and hugged both women from behind before sitting down.
“Well…thank you. What was that for?” Dani asked as she looked at Donna and raised her eyebrows.
“Because…besides my sibs and my mom…Mrs. Muller? You two are the only people who ever cared for me.” She stuck her tongue out a bit in thought before adding,
“And you’re the first people besides them to treat me like a person….like a girl. That’s all.” She smiled and placed her napkin in her lap.
“Well…you are a girl, honey.” Dani smiled and rubbed her shoulder. She pulled her hand back quickly, since the gesture was univited before the girl corrected her.
“That one’s okay…nobody mean ever rubbed my shoulder before. I should just write it down, huh?” She giggled. Dani shook her head in amazement at the girl’s strength.
“Nikki?” Jill grabbed Donna’s sleeve. She had forgotten the name until the girl’s prompt.
“What, honey?” Donna paused. She had begun to use terms of endearment nearly on a regular basis with the girl; something she was unfamiliar with even going back to when she was married to Jean.
“When did you know?” The girl didn’t wait for an answer and asked,
“I mean…I knew when I was little… me and Stacy were playing…she was younger than me. And I wanted to…you know… be just like her and Mommy. Mommy let me try on Stacy’s dress. She and I were the same size even though I’m two years older than her…I guess I was a runt, huh? Anyway…I was like …six maybe? So when did you know?”
“I think that’s a hard question to answer; maybe when I was seven and when I was thirty-one.” She laughed softly and Dani nodded.
“Why? I mean…why two different times?” Jill asked before taking a bit of Moo Shu Pork.
“When I was little, I wasn’t sure…sorta like the feelings were there, but my Mom and Dad…” Donna’s voice trailed off as she remembered the disappointment of her first occasion.
“I had gotten into my Mom’s closet and I put on a blouse of hers with a belt around my waist, like it was a dress. I climbed into her shoes and walked into the living room. My Dad was watching a ball game or something. He looked up and started laughing; not a nice ‘oh that’s cute’ laugh, but really loud and cruel.
“”Look what your son is doing,’ he said. Not Don, or my son or our son, but ‘your son.’” She shook her head.
“Gee, that wasn’t nice. Did it hurt?” Jill looked straight at her. It was the first time since they had met that she had initiated eye contact; another step, perhaps.
“NO, it wasn’t nice and yes, it hurt… a lot. My Mom started to laugh with him and just pointed at him, not me, and said, ‘Oh, no, you’re not blaming me for this.’ Like there was something wrong. And that was the last time from then until I married Jean.” She sighed, both at the memory of her loss and the re-kindling of those feelings of shame and guilt that accompanied her relationship with her late wife.
“Honey,” Dani interrupted, “You have nothing to be ashamed of; Jeannie understood and accepted this part of you, right?”
“Yes…It was on our honeymoon. She and I had just…well…” Donna began to blush.
“You two had sex, yeah...that’s what happens…I’m not a baby.” Jill laughed.
“She turned to me and looked me straight in the eye. It was like a thing out of a movie; she just smiled and said, ‘I know.’ Hell, I didn’t even know and she knew. We spent the whole night talking. We missed our flight to Aruba and had to take one out that evening, but it was good. By the time we got to Aruba, she was kidding me; calling me Donna.” She began to mist up.
“Hey, none of that!” Dani said as she handed Donna a napkin to wipe her tears.
“She actually knew you were a girl?” Dani asked the question, not for herself, but for Jill’s benefit.
“We had only wanted one child, and we actually talked about me transitioning after…”
Donna hadn’t planned on going there, but it was the natural progression of the conversation. She paused long enough to wipe her face once again before excusing herself. She turned and instead of walking to the ladies room, she walked out the door to the car, forgetting that it was locked. She leaned against the roof and began to sob.
“Are you okay?” An elderly couple was walking toward the restaurant entrance and the wife paused.
“It’s okay… she lost someone and it’s been a long day,” Donna looked up to see Dani standing next to her waving to the couple as they walked into the restaurant. Dani turned and gathered Donna into her arms.
“Too much loss, honey…I’m so sorry….let it out. It’s okay…Let it out.” Donna shook in her partner’s arms, weeping for missed opportunities and horrendous loss; for departed loved ones and deferred dreams. And the son she’d never know this side of heaven.
I'm looking for an angel
To sing my love song to
And until the day that one comes along
I'll sing my song to you
Somewhere...later that night...
She stood in the hospital. The doctor came and consoled the man, patting him on the back. She wanted to say something but her voice would not utter a sound. She went to take a step closer but she felt shackles around her legs and arms. The nurse brought out the tiny form wrapped in the little blue blanket.
“Let me hold him,” she heard herself say in her mind, but no sound escaped her lips. The man held the baby for a few moments before handing him back to the nurse.
“Let me!” She cried but no sound disturbed Terry Manahan as he walked to the elavator and disappeared. She cried and cried, but no tears fell to the ground; no sobbing was heard by anyone.
“Why did you leave me,” she heard that voice again. Ever accusing!
“The girl?” I had to go…you know that!” She pled without sound, but the voice heard her.
“But what about me. You left me. You never said goodbye,” the voice pled. She turned and saw herself as she had been...…in the mirror.
“You left me without saying goodbye…you should have taken me with you…” the image said.
She found herself weeping,lying on a bed; her face buried in a soft small blanket. The child was cold and lifeless. The mother beside her lay still and cold. Both seemed peaceful; their faces wore sweet smiles; like angels some would say.
“You should have taken me with you… I did nothing wrong," the image said. She felt a hand on her shoulder.
“He did nothing wrong…..She...I did nothing wrong...” She felt the shackles fall off her limbs as the voice came from within her… She wept until she could cry no more. A soft hand touched her face and another voice called to her.
“Donna…wake up honey…it’s another dream…wake up…..
Dani looked down at her and her own tears fell onto Donna’s face.
“I…I….it was me, Dani….it was me in the dream…I’m the girl and I’m the man…what does it mean.’ Donna already knew; at least she thought she knew and wanted desperately to be right.
“You’re who you are, honey…You weren’t born the day we met…you weren’t born the day we went to the court house…you weren’t even born when you dressed in your mom's clothes! You’re who you are…all of you…the one who never got to hold her son…the woman..yes, the woman who loved her wife ….and… the.. The woman I love so much.”
Dani buried her face in Donna’s neck as they both wept; finally, after so many years of frustration and sadness and fear and doubt…set free.
Jill lay on her bed and watched the sleeping couple lay quietly, holding one another. She tried to be quiet but soon her sobs were heard by the resting couple. Dani looked over at the girl and back at Donna, who smiled and nodded. She patted the bed and pointed. Soon all three slept peacefully for the first time in quite a while and the last time for a while as well.
For every little fault that you have
Say I've got three or four
The human little faults you do have
Just make me love you more
You may not be an angel
But still I'm sure you'll do
So until the day that one comes along
I'll string along with you
Demons
I dream I have angel's wings
and I dream I fly all over town in the sky
This world used to bring me down until now
I fly
The next morning...
The blood-curdling scream that woke them up came at 7:42 AM; thankfully the rooms on either side of theirs were empty, it being a Wednesday morning off the beaten track. Donna literally fell out of bed as she sat up; her elbow banged against the nighttable and sent the cup of tea from the previous night flying against the airconditioner. Dani followed suit by springing out of bed. They both turned toward the bed as the girl lay shaking from the nightmare that plagued her nearly every night.
"Jill...Jill...wake up...it's a dream, honey...wake up." Donna was nearly desperate, remembering similar mornings and nights when Jeannie would relive her own horrific childhood memories. The girl shook her head, almost as if she were shaking something off of her. She grabbed her Teddy bear and squeezed it as if it would run out of the room if she let go. Dani knelt on the bed and remembered to tap the girl gently on the shoulder.
"Honey...it's okay...we're here." She grimaced as she saw the girl's face twisted in horror. Part of her...something brand new, only a day old, wanted to hug her tight like her own mother would when she was young. She tapped the girl's shoulder once again and repeated herself, only louder but still assuring.
"Jill...honey...it's okay...we're here."
Donna looked at her partner and smiled even as she wept for the girl in the bed.
"We're here," she thought. Not, "I'm here," but that all-inclusive, all-important "we're here!" The girl opened her eyes and looked up at the two women and burst into tears; not sad or scared, but the kind of crying you do when you find that you're safe in your mother's arms, only this was the first time ever in her fifteen years that she felt safe enough to lower that part of her guard.
"He...he...I saw his face.... I remember his face." Jill began to rock sideways in bed, gripping the Teddy bear even tighter, if that were even possible.
"Whose face, honey?" The last thing Dani wanted to be at that moment was intrusive, but she knew moments like this only came up so often.
"The man....the man!" She disolved back into the bed and the tears flowed once again as she cried without sound, her face etched with the worst pain Donna had ever seen. She put her hand on Dani's shoulder, not to gain attention, but to show the girl they were together to protect her...to defend her from the horror that ruined the lives of her and her brother and sister.
"What man, Jill? What man did this?" She needn't mention what "this" was; she remembered that even when Jeannie was at her best, the memories were only a trigger away...a sound or taste or smell. She tried to smile to reassure the girl, but the tears and the pain of the past got in the way, and her own face mirrored the girl's horror.
"The man...the man....he used to....he used to......" She began blubbering almost completely incoherently as the memories broke over the levee of defenses she had managed to build in the past four years. She buried her face in a pillow and began to scream again, the horror as new and painful and evil as it had been; as if it were actually happening all over. The pillow muffled the screams enough to prevent the sound from escaping the room, but the women stood and held each other, feeling helpless to deliver the girl from her horror. And then, as quickly as it started, it stopped. The girl's body relaxed and she rolled over. Her face was peaceful; even angelic as she blinked out the remaining tears.
"Jill...Jill honey..." Dani found herself choking back her own sobs as she implored the girl to wake up. After a few moments Jill looked up at Dani and smiled; feeling as if she had been rescued from a dragon by a damsel in shining armor. She smiled and looked over at Donna, whose face was etched with worry.
"It's okay, Nikki... I'm okay." She sighed deeply and sat up. Her body was soaked with sweat and she winced at the smell of her own urine.
"Gotta get cleaned up." She swung her feet over the side of the bed and sat up, practically nonchalant.
"Jill?" Dani spoke softly but firmly. She hesitated to even bring it up after the girl had gained a brief measure of peace, but it was critical to find out what she remembered, if that was actually still possible.
"Who was the man who hurt you? Who did this to you and your brother and sister?"
"Daddy." She said it as if they should have known. Her father had been presumed dead; no information was available in the file Donna had seen and the presence of her abusive step-father in the home had been assumed to be the cause for all the problems.
"Your step-dad?" Donna asked. Dani turned around and nodded, but the girl interuppted their exchange.
"NO...not him...Don't you fucking know anything?" She snapped at them impatiently, but her face turned quickly to shame as she regretted the profanity. She lowered her head, shaking it slowly from side to side.
"I'm sorry...no...it wasn't him... He's a fucking moron...a simp....Never home...." She continued to shake her head. Her step-father was an over-the-road truckdriver who was out of town.
"Your birth father?" Dani asked and was greeted with a frown and an immediate "I'm sorry" look once again.
"Yeah...my real Dad...I don't even know his name....just Daddy." She shook her head, feeling as if she were guilty of some wrong for not knowing her father's name; no one had ever told her that.
“Honey, that’s okay…it’s not your fault…why don’t you go take a shower; we don’t have to talk right now.”
Donna put her hand on the girl’s shoulder. Something was going on and she wanted to give the girl time to process it, but Jill looked at her and smiled.
“That’s okay…I don’t know his name, but I do remember he didn’t look like me or Stacy or Jimmy…I mean Mommy told me and Jimmy that it was our Daddy and we should do whatever….fuck…what he wanted us to do…and his friends…..” Dani tilted her head; it was disconcerting to see the girl do an emotional disconnect right after her nightmare. She seemed to be almost relieved at discussing her abuse, as if somehow talking about it diffused the horror; she was a jumble of different feelings and moods.
“Jill? He didn’t look like you at all?” The girl shook her head and pointed to her hair.
“He didn’t have red hair?” Jill nodded as she got up from the bed.
“Nope…not like us….no freckles…no red hair…big…like tall.” Shrugging her shoulders apologetically she grabbed the overnight bag they had bought and pulled out some clothes before closing the bathroom door behind her. As the door closed Dani and Donna turned to each other and both wore the same expression.
“The man that she knows as her father isn’t her father?” Dani asked even as Donna nodded. And the conspiracy was big enough to include the deputy commissioner of police; who else was involved remained to be seen, but whoever it was had resources enough to arrange for murders all over south east Pennsylvania.
On 22W... heading to Strausstown, Pennsylvania...
The scenery sped by as they made their way west again. Their worry was that someone somehow would connect Dani and Donna and put a hold on Dani’s credit card, and that was the least of their worries. By their estimation, at least six people had already been killed, and their fear was that the killer or killers had already reached Jimmy’s foster family. Dani kept looking at her watch, as if time rather than lack of resources was their biggest enemy. If the killers were to go after Jill’s brother, it would have already taken place, and they could only pray that they weren’t too late, but the odds were against them.
“Turn here…it’s about two or three blocks.” Jill hardly looked up; her attention was on her Teddy bear.
“It’s going to be okay…don’t worry honey.” Donna smiled as Jill began to hum to herself, a sweet voice that was soothing and almost out of place considering what they all knew was a possibility. The car rolled over some railroad tracks and into an older neighborhood.
“The white one with the brown shutters.”
Jill looked up only long enough to point out the house before returning her attention to the bear. A car sat in the driveway and a bike leaned against the porch as if nothing had been disturbed. Dani pulled the car up to the curb and parked. She reached into her purse and pulled out her Glock. Checking the clip she took the gun off safety and got out of the car. Donna got out of the car and signaled for Dani to approach the house. They had no plan if confronted, but they had no choice but to wing it. Even having the girl with them was a hugely dangerous risk, but they had to chance it.
As they approached the porch they noticed the front door was opened slightly. Dani raised her weapon but quickly drew it back as a large Golden Retriever nosed her way through the doorway. She bounded down the porch steps and ran to the house across the street, disappearing behind a Nissan Pathfinder before leaping over the side yard fence and out of view. Dani waved to Donna to get her attention.
“Looks bad,” she mouthed silently as she pointed to the porch steps and sidewalk as she shook her head. Donna looked down and mirrored her partner as she shook her head; the sidewalk was covered in bloody paw prints. She nodded her head and looked to the open doorway. She took two steps toward the house when the door opened wider and a figure fell out onto the porch. Dani ran up the steps to Nancy Capaldi, Jimmy’s foster mother.
“She’s hurt bad, but I think she’ll live. Whoever did this didn’t have time to stick around.” Donna had already rushed into the house, a hasty move, but the boy was a target even more than his foster mother,and she was worried about his safety. The house yielded no reward; the boy was gone, and his foster mother clung to life.
“Hello, 911, I need to report a shooting.” Dani gave the address to the house and hung up quickly. They stayed with the woman until they heard the ambulance siren and quickly drove off as they watched the ambulance pull up to the house through the rearview mirror.
“We are so fucked.” Dani mouthed, looking over at Donna as they pulled into a strip mall parking lot four miles from the house. Donna glanced at Jill sitting quietly in the back seat. Her eyes were filled with tears and she was rocking slowly back and forth.
“Jill,, honey...Maybe he ran out before anyone….” Her voice trailed off as the girl looked up and shook her head. Donna couldn’t convince herself that Jimmy was safe; how would she be able to reassure the boy’s sister? The loud click of the radio interrupted her thoughts.
“…Mrs. Capaldi was transported to Reading Medical Center. The couple’s foster son is missing, and…” the radio clicked once again as Dani turned it off.
“Jill, honey? Is there any place around here that he’d go to? Any family…of the Capaldi’s?” There was no one to turn to in Jill's family; every member had been under suspicion of the abuse. Charges hadn't been filed due to the DA's lack of confidence in the credibility of the children as witnesses.
“No…they don’t have any sibs…Tony and Nancy. No family….Jimmy woulda taken the car if he could…He’s dead…I just know it….Fuck…fuck….he’s dead.” She burst into tears and began banging her head against the seat. She clutched the bear once again.
And He made my life
And He gave me you and I
“You….you…you should have gone there first….it’s not fair…fuck….” She started slapping the Teddy bear against the door.
“Jill….look at me…calm down, honey…Jill?” Donna made the mistake of reaching out to stop the girl’s thrashing and grabbed the Teddy bear. Jill pulled sharply and the arm came off in Donna’s hand, along with a bit of stuffing and an envelope that went flying over her shoulder, landing on the dash board.
“Jill…Stop it now.” Donna spoke firmly and slowly as she gained eye contact when the girl turned her head. The girl stopped thrashing and began to calm down as Donna patted her wrist. Dani reached over and grabbed the envelope. It was letter size and had a hard bulge. She opened it and pulled out a flash drive and a pack of photos secured with a rubber band. She nudged Donna’s arm and held up the envelope and the contents.
“Did this just come out of that bear?” Donna looked at the gaping hole in the side of the Teddy and turned and nodded. Dani pulled the rubber band off and held the photos so that Donna and Jill could see them. She pulled out the first picture and Jill smiled.
“That’s me and Jimmy. He doesn’t like dressing like a girl…see his face.” She giggled and pointed to the frown on her brother. She, on the other hand, was beaming as they both wore identical Brownie uniforms. By the look of the picture, the twins must have been about seven, right about the time when the abuse started. Dani shook her head and bit her lip to stifle a sob. The girl had been so horrified that morning after the nightmare, but now seemed calm. She handed the pack of pictures to Donna and turned her head against the car window. Donna pulled out the next photo.
“Yeah…that’s Stacy and me and Jimmy…Halloween…We went as princesses…I liked the crown… how fucking stupid….like I was something special.” She shook her head and pulled the picture from Donna’s hand and put it in the front pocket of her back pack.
“I don’t have any pictures of Stacy….or Jimmy.” She began to sob, but she stayed in control. Dani turned around and shook her head at the girl’s rollercoaster-like display of emotions; she reached over her seat back and touched the girl gently on the wrist, smiling even as the tears poured from her eyes.
“Don’t cry…I’m okay…really.” Jill grabbed Dani’s hand and gripped it tight. Donna smiled at the exchange; they were in the midst of a huge transformation and it was absolutely a marvel to behold. She pulled the next photo out of the pack and the girl went to snatch it from her hand.
“Give me that! Give me that.” Donna pulled back the photo and the girl became hysterical. Dani felt the girl’s nails dig into her hand as she went pull it back. Donna turned and held the photo in her hand and the blood drained from her face. She reached over with her left hand and grabbed Dani’s arm. Dani turned at looked at the photo in Donna’s hand and her expression was an exact duplicate of the one on her partner’s face; horrified recognition as she noted the subject of the picture.
Three adorable little girls; a little six year old and the eight-year-old twins wore cowgirl outfits like Jessie from Toy Story Two. Standing behind them was the girls’ mother and a very tall, grandfatherly looking man; Phillip McKenzie, the City Council President of the City of Brotherly Love. The events of the day, coupled with a new-found feeling of intimacy and even faith caused something that surprised but comforted Dani.
"Dear God, please protect us and help us get out of this mess and please protect Jimmy and Stacy!" Jill smiled and finished.
"And thank you for Paulette and Nikki...oh yeah....Dani and Donna. Can they keep me when this is over? Amen." She smiled at Donna who smiled back.
"Please? Thanks!" Dani silently mouthed as she looked back and forth between her partner and the girl she had grown to love.
"Amen....I hope." Donna sighed.
Is there more I could ask for?
Is there something I’m missing?
Why doesn’t everyone feel the same as me?
Is there something I could ask for?
What am I missing?
You Stepped Out of a Dream!
You
Stepped out of a cloud,
I want to take you away
Away from the crowd,
Previously...from Lascia Ch'io Pinanga: The Key
Reilly took up the story. Donna looked around, and saw that Terry wasn’t in the room. He hadn’t visited at all, and she wondered if their partnership was finally over. Reilly began,
“Danvers kept talking to you about a key…that your mother had mentioned it just before he…just before she died. We wondered about that until Terry reminded me of what Bruschia had said at the jail. He said, “I’m not the one you’re looking for. I’m not the key.”
It dawned on Terry that it wasn’t a key to a lock or a closet or locker. Your mother’s last words were her way of telling him about the key to his life…She was telling him about God…with her final breath, she blessed the man who abused her and her son. She blessed her killer.” Reilly got choked up realizing the impact of what he’d just said. He and Terry talked about it the other day and only now did it have any meaning to him. He had just killed a man, to save a life, of course, but he was overwhelmed with guilt. Terry, never really religious, convinced him that there was forgiveness. If He could offer forgiveness through Inga Olerud, then surely there was enough to go around for him and Reilly.
Another morning and yet another motel...
Dani was lying in bed with the light on, trying to read the novel she'd brought on their flight; no amount of fiction, however well written by any author, could match the intrigue, suspense and downright scared-out-of-your-socks feeling their real life adventure evoked. Her cell phone beeped once, signalling a text message. The only one she knew of besides Donna who had her number was her cousin May, from whom she had borrowed the car. She looked at the number on the cell and didn't recognize it, but the message told her everything she needed to know.
"Donna, wake up," she said gently while nudging her partner, trying not to wake Jill at the same time. Donna rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and looked up at Dani. It was the first night in a month of Sundays that she hadn't had a nightmare, so a voluntary disturbance of sleep had better have a good reason. Dani pointed to the text on the phone. It simply read,
"Don't worry, I'm okay." Like Dani, Donna didn't recognize the number, but the message came through loud and clear.
"Indestructible!" She tried oh so hard not to start crying; the three of them were practically bordering on dehydration from all the crying they had done. Nevertheless she collapsed in Dani's arms and wept from relief.
"Me, too, honey...me too,” Dani said as she began to cry.
Two years before at The Plate Restaurant, Ardmore, Pennsylvania
"You can't be serious. I thought I was the only one getting gun-shy." Terry Manahan took a long gulp of his Bucklers before continuing.
"You love what you do."
Kevin Reilly sat across from Terry looking very nervous. He had reason to be. He had just informed the district manager over in Philly that he was taking a medical leave of absence from the Bureau, and had no idea what his next step would be career-wise. As to the rest of his future, he decided that he would leave that in God's hands. Killing a man can sometimes make a person cold and bitter or numb; Kevin was none of those things. He had moved into an entirely new realm of experience spiritually, and was dreading only somewhat the unknown risk he was taking.
"I'm going to take some time off; the EHA (Employee Health Associate) told me it's not uncommon after a fatal shooting, and between the medical leave and my unused sick time and vacation, I've got nearly six months. I'm going to visit my sister and her family in Maine, and then I've got some thinking to do.
"Well, I'm glad you know what you're doing. When I told my Captain I was resigning, he practically shit a brick. 'What the fuck are you going to do Manahan? You fucking love cop work!' was all he could say. I told him I didn't have a fucking clue, but after seeing Donna nearly die ...I couldn't do this. I sure hope you know what the fuck you're doin'!"
The two had bonded like brothers after the Olerud case was closed. Reilly was shaken to the core after killing Rick Danvers; it was the only time in ten years with the Bureau that he had fired his weapon at someone. He and Terry found themselves at a crossroads of sorts; both needing to do some serious spiritual business. They ended up joining a church in the Ardmore area that was to say the least, inclusive. No barriers for anyone, which at one time would have turned both of them off. Terry had been brought up very religious and while not a church goer, Kevin's family wasn't exactly warm and friendly when it came to gays and other assorted members of the 'other' community. So ending up in a church with people quite different than themselves was an eyeopener for them both.
"You gonna keep in touch?" Terry said and downed the remainder of his Bucklers, holding his hand up for the waitress to bring another.
"Yeah...I'll write some, I guess, and I'm going to keep in touch via e-mail with Pastor Melanie. Hey, it's not like we won't still be best buddies...just I've got to get away and get my head on straight, okay." Kevin shrugged and looked away.
It had already been four months since he had killed someone, but the gunshot woke him every night; that and the pain in his heart over the lost time and regrets of the past that accompanied the tears that tucked him in each night.
"Okay...but you better keep your word, or I'll get Pastor Mel to come after you!" He laughed, but he knew in his heart that this might be the last time he saw the only other person besides Donna that was close to him.
In the present, the motel room....
"Dani, come quick." Donna sat on the bed staring at Dani's cell phone; another text message.
"Don't know how long this is safe; buy disposible and call this number." Donna smiled in relief. They had thought about that and Dani had bought a disposible phone at WaWa the night before. She punched in the number and a voice croaked on the other end.
"Took you fucking long enough!" Terry's voice brought tears of relief to Donna.
"You bastard...don't you ever scare me like this again, or so help me..." Donna laughed through her tears. Dani came out of the bathroom, brushing her hair. She sat down on the bed next to Donna.
"Hey, Houdini, how's it going? Seriously, what the fuck are we up against here?"
"I don't know, but I'm going to find out. Lay low and I'll call you back in about an hour. I think I know someone who can help. And I know this is going to hurt big time, but that fancy I-Phone you've got.... it's probably got a GPS in it. They most likely don't know anything about you downtown, since you folks have kept your goings on private, but you can't take any chances. Ditch the phone somewhere...better yet, open it up and break it." Dani winced at the suggestion, but Terry was probably right.
"The way I see it, sis? Either the city is going to end up owing you a phone when this is all over, or all of us will be dead, and it won't matter one fucking iota, capice?"
Dani nodded and smiled. She had originally resisted Terry calling her 'sis,' but it felt great right then and there. She handed Donna the phone and went over to Jill to wake her.
"Terry," Donna said quietly, "I'm serious about this. I thought I'd...we'd lost you," she smiled at Dani and Jill and continued.
"You're my best friend, and the best brother a girl could ever have....please take care of yourself."
"Don't worry, partner...I've got someone looking out for me." Donna closed her eyes and pictured Terry pointing above his head.
"Okay, Terry. We'll wait for your call. Talk later, bye!" She clicked off the phone and lay on the bed and began to weep softly.
"She okay? She looks awfully sad," Jill asked. Dani rubbed the girl's shoulder and smiled.
"She's just fine, sweetie...just fine."
You
Stepped out of a dream,
You are too wonderful
To be what you seem.
Meanwhile in the Philadelphia area…
As the head of Security for Gypsy Lane Technologies in Philly, Terry had gotten involved in an investigation into an E-Fraud case the year before. He had established a phony ID for himself along with accompanying bank accounts and credit cards and ID. The case took about three months to break, and he was rewarded with a bonus, but after the case closed, something inside him urged him to keep the fake identity around; 'just in case,' he had felt. And it had paid off.
After climbing out of the Schuykill River like a drowned rat, he made sure he wasn't seen or followed. He retrieved the Jesse Stone driver's license and cards out of his wallet and discarded it along with his real ID. The next morning he walked to the Wal-Mart and purchased a few bits of clothing along with a bag, and then took the next bus to Chester where he rented a car and got himself a motel room. He dialed the number for the FBI on the first of four disposible phones he had purchased.
"Hello, may I speak with Kevin Reilly, please?" He waited as a series of clicks indicated his connection. A woman answered with,
"Federal Bureau of Investigations, Special Agent Sherri Caruso speaking, how can I help you?" The voice was confident but friendly.
"I'm trying to get in touch with a friend of mine...Agent Kevin Reilly?" Terry was taking a long shot. He hadn't heard from Kevin in nearly two years, just like he expected. In fact, after Kevin and he parted that day, apparently no one in their church had heard from him. Terry had pictured Reilly sitting on top of a mountain in Nepal communing with a guru. His thoughts were interrupted.
"I'm sorry...Mr?"
"Stone, Jesse Stone." Terry nearly laughed; Robert Parker was his favorite author and Jesse Stone was his favorite character in any mystery series.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Stone, but Kevin Reilly...passed away. I'm really sorry to be the one to tell you." The voice was tinged with more than regret. Terry sensed a nervous edge to her tone.
"Sorry, I didn't quite get your name...Caruso?" Ironically enough, her voice, while feminine, was a bit on the low end of alto and almost into the tenor range.
"Yes, Sherri Caruso. I really can't discuss this further other than to express my condolences...You sound like you were good friends with him." Terry of course could not see the look on Agent Caruso's face, but her voice quivered, and a sound of familiarity crept into his memory.
"Pardon me for saying this, Agent Caruso, but you sound like you were very close to my friend. I'm surprised Kevin didn't say anything about you, since he and I were best friends...." He was interrupted by a gasp on the other end and the sound of the received falling to the desk. A moment later the woman came back on the phone.
"Terry? Terry? Is that you? I thought you were dead...The reports said your car went into the Schuykill...Oh god!" The voice was suprisingly relieved and glad for a perfect stranger. Terry took a chance...a very big chance.
"Yeah…this is Manahan...say, who the fuck are you, lady?" His language was abrupt, but the tone almost pled for the truth.
"Kevin sends his regards...and so does Inga Olerud." A smile of recognition spread across Terry's face. Only one person would know that Inga Olerud was the woman who even after her death had affected the lives of two friends.
"Kevin?" Terry said, almost in a whisper, but at the same time shouting with glee in his head. Agent Sherri Caruso paused for a moment and then in the sweetest voice you can imagine finally said,
"As ever was, dear friend, as ever was."
You
Stepped out of a cloud
Primavera Pizza, Ardmore, Pennsylvania…
Terry sat in a booth facing the door, just like all the good mystery writers suggest. The chances that a ‘bad guy’ would walk into the restaurant were practically nil, but having been run off the road and nearly killed the day before, Terry wasn’t taking any chances. He strained his eyes each time someone entered the restaurant. A tall and not very attractive woman entered and walked in his direction. He went to get up to greet his friend but the woman glared at him and kept walking further back to join her sister and her three under-five nieces. He sat down and looked at the menu for the fourth time when an attractive red head sat down opposite him in the booth.
“You look like hell,” she said as she took off her sunglasses. The face was different, but the sad, world-weary eyes were exactly as he remembered his friend.
“You look….different.” Sherri smiled back at him before patting his wrist.
“I guess that’s what we might call the understatement of the year.” Sherri was somehow completely familiar to Terry even though her face and ‘shape’ had changed decidedly. The nose seemed a bit smaller and the lips only slightly fuller. Her chin seemed the same, but she had a soft chin to begin with. Her hair, shoulder length and red, was attractively done. She wore the standard dark suit of an agent at the Bureau, but she seemed to wear it well, owing to the cotton shell underneath and the jade cross around her neck.
“Fuck, Kevin, you…what the fuck?” Terry stared at her for a moment. He had gone through this once before when Donna had transitioned, but he had expected the change. This one was not only unanticpated, but remarkable. Don had always looked a bit androgynous, but Kevin always looked like your best buddy; the guy you shoot pool with; the one you’d elbow when a pretty girl walked by. But now, Terry was amazed because Kevin had become the pretty girl.
"Where did Caruso come from?" Terry laughed softly; his friend looked like she just flew in from Shannon Airport.
"My mother's maiden name. You can't believe the harassment I put up with when I got back."
"I thought this was the new FBI." Terry looked askance at her.
"Oh, yeah...not the trans thing..everybody was fine with that; they keep riding me because of the red hair and sunglasses; David Caruso is my second cousin." She put on her sunglasses briefly before taking them off again in her cousin's signature move. Terry nearly snarfed the glass of water he was sipping. He looked at her again, as if giving her the once over.
“Don’t get me wrong…” Terry felt the need to apologize to the man in his friend who no longer existed.
“You look pretty good, but geez, Louise…” Sherri nodded and shrugged.
“Living at home with my Mom and sis…I sorta had some money put away. Whattya think?” The voice was sweet and attractive in a sisterly way, Terry imagined, but still his best friend.
“Well spent!”
“Thanks." A complement from anyone would have meant something, of course, but this was a complement of sorts from her best friend. She blushed but quickly changed the subject.
“I suppose this is about Carter and the Spinetti murder, huh?” Terry nodded.
“We’re on top of this…we don’t know quite what to make of it, but the Bureau knows she didn’t kill her partner. The killer was clean and did a great job of hiding the fact, but the idiot who broke into her house and stole her gun? Hell, you know as well as I do that you don’t wipe your own fingerprints off your own gun safe, right?”
Terry put his hand to his face in an “I don’t fucking believe it” gesture.
“Plus the foster mom…Jimmy’s mom? She’s alive. She doesn’t remember much other than that she saw this man talking with the boy on the porch. She started walking toward the door when the boy took off. She called out and she heard a pop, and the next thing she knows two women are hovering over her, and then waking up in the hospital. She says the guy is older and tall, but other than that, she was too far away to identify him. We figure when the kid ran he got distracted, and your friends must have just pulled up when he took out after the boy.”
“I talked to them…they’re holed up at a motel in East Jabib.” He grinned at the turn of the phrase but Sherri wasn’t laughing.
“She’s still a suspect in a murder investigation, and what we know hasn’t been shared with Philly or the State Troopers, since we don’t know who’s involved. We do know it has to be big, since they knew where to find the kids and the bodies have been piling up. Oh…by the way, Mr. Stone….Until we get this thing wrapped up, Terry Manahan is officially deader than Disco.”
“I told them I’d call. You’re not going to follow me, are you?” Terry shook his head and looked toward the entrance.
“Officially, I’m required to keep the office posted regarding the case. Unofficially, they think I’m at the dentist’s and I haven’t heard from anyone; they don’t know you’re still alive either, bro. Just me. Let’s just sit here and you can call your friends. Chicken Parm and a diet rootbeer, right?”
“You sure about this?” Terry sat back down.
“As ever was, mo chroi, as ever was.” Terry looked at her and shrugged his shoulders; his Gaelige had always been weak.
‘Mo chroi? What the fuck…gotta Google that when I get a chance.’ he thought as the waitress set the sandwich and drink in front of him.
Could there be eyes like yours?
Could there be lips like yours?
Could there be smiles like yours,
Honest and truly?
The ladies’ motel room....
Dani plugged the flash drive into her laptop and opened the file. It contained a Word document with a list of names and phone numbers. She could only think that it must be the group of perverts that hurt these kids. Were there any other children they didn’t know about? Did they stop when the investigation started?
“I bet that when the DA declined to press charges they probably went to the matresses, but being that it’s four years later and still no arrests? They’re probably up and running.” Donna said angrily. She pointed to the folder marked, “Evidence - Yuck!” Someone had taken the trouble to put this together, and it wasn’t anyone friendly to the offenders. Dani looked at Donna and then over at Jill. She lay on her stomach, doing a crossword puzzle from a magazine.
“Jill, honey…we have to look at a file here, please don’t come over at all until we tell you it’s okay?” Dani shook her head. Jill looked up from her puzzle.
“That’s okay…I’ve probably seen ‘em all anyway. Daddy used to make us look at it after he was finished.” The girl said it with such aplomb that you would have thought she was talking about photos of kittens or puppies instead of the abuse she and her siblings underwent. Donna gasped. Jill got up from the bed and walked over.
“Maybe I can remember someone, okay?” She put her hand on Dani’s shoulder.
“Okay, honey, but step away if it gets to be too much.” She was half-hoping that the girl would be able to handle it, since they had no other way of knowing unless it was someone they recognized. Dani double clicked the folder and the screen filled with nearly fifty jpg files. She clicked on the first one and the scene was so repulsive that she turned her head away.
“That’s my cousin Billy and me.” Jill said, almost as if she were describing an afternoon of football or frisbie. Dani clicked on the next one.
“That’s me…no…that’s Jimmy and my uncle Dave. I don’t think he was my real uncle though. You see how much Jimmy hates dresses?” The boy was dressed in a ballerina outfit, but the look of terror on his face was identical to the expression Jill had shown when she had flashbacks.
“That’s Stacy and Billy.”
“That’s Daddy and me.”
“Oh, I forgot about this…can I have a copy?” The girl was asking for a copy of a picture of utter horror. Donna almost shouted,
“NO! No you can’t have a copy. Jill!” She would have continued but the girl’s face twisted into a mask of disappointment and tears and Dani’s hand shot over and grabbed her wrist while her other hand pointed to the picture. It wasn’t a picture of Jill or her brother or sister. But the girl did look familiar.
“I don’t have a picture of her. Can’t I have a picture of her…Why can’t I have a picture?” The girl sobbed and pointed to the computer.
“Jill, this isn’t you or Jimmy or Stacy. Who is this?” Dani pointed to the picture on the screen.
“Are you fucking stupid.” No apologies; she’d apologize later for her language, but at the moment she was too worked up.
“I’m sorry, Jill, we’ll let you have a picture,” Donna said in a conciliatory fashion. She needed information, and only the girl could provide it.
“We didn’t get the whole file, honey; we don’t know who this is.” She shrugged her shoulders.
“Can’t you tell…who does she look like? Huh?” The girl used her eyes to look herself over in answer to her own question.
“That’s my sister Kim!”
Dani looked at Donna and shook her shoulders as if to say, "What else do we not know?" Jill picked up on their expressions and added...
"At least that's what he'd like to be."
You
Stepped out of a cloud,
I want to take you away
Away from the crowd,
And have you all to myself,
Alone and apart.
Out of a dream,
Safe into my heart...
Wa-dee-la-la
Out of a dream!
All I Have To Do Is Dream!
I need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam
Previously...
"Yeah...I'll write some, I guess, and I'm going to keep in touch via e-mail with Pastor Melanie. Hey, it's not like we won't still be best buddies...just I've got to get away and get my head on straight, okay." Kevin shrugged and looked away.
It had already been four months since he had killed someone, but the gunshot woke him every night; that and the pain in his heart over the lost time and regrets of the past that accompanied the tears that tucked him in each night…..
“Fuck, Kevin, you…what the fuck?” Terry stared at her for a moment. He had gone through this once before when Donna had transitioned, but he had expected the change. This one was not only unanticipated, but remarkable. Don had always looked a bit androgynous, but Kevin always looked like your best buddy; the guy you shoot pool with; the one you’d elbow when a pretty girl walked by. But now, Terry was amazed because Kevin had become that pretty girl.
McDonald's on Rt 30N
Sherri Caruso looked out the window of the car as the two ate their lunch in silence. They had scarcely passed any words between them since they set off to meet the others at the motel. It was too awkward by half again as Terry stared at her.
“What, Terr? What? Am I such a freak to you? God you of all people should understand.” Apart from the moments after his erstwhile partner had killed Rick Danvers, Terry had never seen the person next to him…the strange next to him….cry. But Sherri cried none the less, making a difficult situation that much more complicated.
“Oh, no you don’t!” Terry shook his head
“No fucking waterworks.” He wadded up his McD’s bag and tossed it into the back seat.
“No fair. You gotta talk to me in a language I fucking understand, Reilly!”
“See, right there…It’s Caruso…Sherri Caruso. Kevin Reilly is dead, Terr…he’s gone, and he’s not coming back. Don’t you get it? I’m not the same person…Jeez, Terry…your own sister-in-law went through this and you had no problem. I’m your best friend. I’m the same person I always was.” She had just contradicted herself, but actually both statements were true. Outwardly she had changed, but the inner person, the person who actually had been Sherri all along, hadn’t changed at all.
“No, not that….I didn’t put up with crying with Donna; you have to tell me whatever you want me to know; I’m not a fucking mind .reader, and I’m sorry about the name…I just met you as you. I don’t know Sherri, but I’ve known Kevin Reilly since we were both beat cops in South Philly. Whatever you think you are, what you are not is someone who’s going to get away with not fucking talking, so spill it!”
“After I left the bureau I went and saw my mom and my sis. Mom was in the last stages of pancreatic cancer, and if I hadn’t taken the time off I would have missed her passing; she never even thought to call me when she found out. Between her death and me killing Danvers I couldn’t keep going on without looking at what I was missing.” She looked at Terry who just shrugged his shoulders.
“When I was eight I remember writing my name on my notebook…the one I never let anybody see... ‘Sherri Reilly.’ Well my mom found it and she got upset; not because I wrote my name, but that I didn’t tell her. She said not to worry, it would be our secret. But it wasn’t like the cute stories you read; she wanted to keep it a secret because she didn’t want my Dad to know. I didn’t tell anyone else except my sister, but my Dad found my notebook when he was moving my desk to fix an outlet and it fell on the floor. He was upset, but it wasn’t because I didn’t tell him but because he just didn’t want another girl in the family. I was his son, and I just had to get over being stupid and foolish; his words.” Sherri shook her head.
“I went out for baseball, track, you name it, whatever screamed boy; I was in for it.” She winced; the memory felt as if it were happening then and there.
“Your Dad never seemed that stuck on stuff, from what you used to say about your family. Was he that bad?"
“No…he just didn’t understand, and I didn’t know it was okay for me not to say yes to everything he expected, so I just kept trying to please him, even when he stopped asking. After a while I didn't know where I stood. He sent me a letter just a few weeks before he died. He apologized for never telling me….” She put her hand to her face and began to weep.
“He knew? You’re not telling me he understood. Fuck…Kev…Sherri…that’s too fucking easy.” Almost too pat one might say; which it was.
“No, he never understood. He was apologizing for not trying to understand. He was sorry that he spent my childhood being a father instead of being my dad, if that makes any sense.” Terry nodded his head.
“I tried so hard and all he had to do was say, good job…or even, nice try, but it was always a stare and a shake of the head; I felt like I had been a disappointment. I turn thirty four in three weeks and I have never had anyone tell me they’re proud of me.”
“Listen, I’m not going to pretend I understand all of this, but I’m going to give it a shot, okay?” She nodded okay and he continued.
“You spent all of your adult life trying to be something you weren’t and when your parents died you realized that no matter how they felt about you, you still had to be who you needed to be, is that about right?”
“Yes…I’ve been this all my life, but when they died, I realized I put everything about what and who I was away to satisfy them, when nothing I ever did would satisfy them. “
“So you realized finally you could be who you thought…who you knew you were.”
“Yes.” She said the word quietly and lowered her head.
“Listen, Reilly, you don’t have to be ashamed with me. We’re friends, and that hasn’t changed. Just because I don’t get it right away doesn’t mean I’ve stopped liking you.” Her expression changed as her eyes widened in surprise.
“You mean you don’t hate me?” She pled. Her hand rose up and covered her face.
“Hell, no! You’re my best friend. That will never change.” Terry smiled warmly, treating his friend like a sister for the first time. She began to cry again and he sighed in frustration until she held her hand up as if to tell him she was okay; she really wasn’t, but she would be.
Back at the Motel
“This girl is your…brother?” Dani raised her left eyebrow in Spock-like fashion.
“No…he’s my sister!” It would have sounded snide except for the half-frown on the girl’s face.
“She’s like me…you know…like you?” Jill looked at Donna and smiled. Donna nodded.
“We didn’t know there were more kids in your family; hon…the file only mentions the three of you.” Dani said as she looked back and forth between the picture and the girl trying unsuccessfully to avoid the rest of the scene depicted in the photo.
“She’s his kid!” Jill said as she shrugged her shoulders.
“You know…Daddy?”
“How much older is she than you? She looks like you but she’s not a kid.”
“I think she’s about nine or ten years older, but that’s just a guess. She was very nice to me.” The girl said it proudly.
“She was hurt like you, honey. Did you ever talk about it?” Dani bit her lip. This was the worst case she had ever worked on, unofficial or no, and the thought of all the psychic carnage for each victim simultaneously enraged and nauseated her.
“She used to help dress us…you know…for them” Jill looked over at the front door to the motel room, expecting to be interrupted by an eavesdropper or something worse.
“I know honey. What do you mean help you dress?” Donna said as she rubbed the girl’s wrist.
“Well we had to….get dressed for them…they all wanted it… like it was a show. She helped us get ready.” She shrugged her shoulders almost apologetically.
“You think she did something wrong, honey? What did she do?”
“NO, NO, you don’t understand…you fucking don’t understand.” The girl became immediately hysterical. She went to grab the laptop off of Dani’s lap, but Donna grabbed her from behind in a bear hug.”
“Let me go! Let me go!” She struggled in Donna’s arms but slowly the tension left her body as she calmed down.
“We just want to understand what happened to you, honey. We didn’t mean anything by it.” Dani looked up and half-smiled as she spoke in as soothing a voice as she knew to speak.
“She helped us…You don’t understand. If we didn’t look good we got beat, no matter what they did. But if we were pretty and we acted nice, they didn’t beat us…they would only beat her. And if we did....what they wanted us to, she would only have to do it once....If we weren't pretty enough... well...Just her…She helped.” The girl collapsed in Donna’s arms and wept.
“It’s okay, honey…It’s okay.”
Later that evening…
A knock came at the door at dusk; they didn’t take any chances, but it was almost like the first ever meeting of the Greater Metropolitan Philadelphia Area Murder Suspects club.
“Inga Olerud sends her regards.” The voice came from the other side of the door. Dani opened it to find a very non-deceased looking Terry Manahan and an attractive redhead.
“Come here, you big….” Dani had grown closer to Terry than any other person besides her parents and Donna; he became the big brother she never had. She hugged him tight and kissed him on his ear before handing him over to Donna.
“Hey, Caruso, what are doing with this big lug?” She said as the woman entered the room. Donna looked around Terry’s shoulder and said,
“Sherri? My God…I didn’t know you went back.” Terry looked at Donna and shook his head.
"You knew?" He stared at Dani who laughed softly and shrugged her shoulders.
"Just before I left the Marshal's office Sherri and I worked on solving a check-fraud case."
"Oh, gosh, I never expected to see you here," Donna said. Terry once again looked put out.
“TG support group in Penn Wynne; I’ve known her as Sherri for about eight months. Dani looked at Sherri Caruso and then her eyes darted back and forth between Donna, Jill, and Terry.
“I feel sorta left out,” she said, pointing to the wig lying on the night table and then to her own black hair.
“Well, think of how I feel,” Terry said, looking at the collection of women in the room.
“You know, bro, it’s not too late,” Donna laughed.
“Still plenty of time to take the plunge.”
“I consider my body the best birthday present I ever got, and I like it just fine.” He felt awkward the moment he said it; needlessly he discovered as everyone laughed. After a few minutes of hugs and pats on the back they decided to get some take out and plan their next move.
“Like I told Terry, the Bureau’s got your back, but they’re not broadcasting it; we want them to think you’re hung out to dry. Nobody but me and you know that Terry is still alive. With what you’ve got, we’d go straight to the DA, but we have to find out where the boy is being held.” At Sherri’s words, Jill’s ears pricked up. She had returned to her crossword puzzles after feeling left out.
“You really think he’s still alive?” She jumped up and hurried to the table in sitting area of the suite.
“Yes, Jill, I do. I think that the man behind this can’t afford to hurt your brother until he finds out just what he’s up against and what everyone knows. I’ve been talking to a friend of mine in the West Virginia State Police, and he said your sister Stacy and her family are fine. We’re going to find Jimmy and get him back home to his foster family and put the people who hurt you in jail for a long time.” Sherri actually punched her left palm with her fist.
“And my sister Kim, right?” Donna went caution the girl about not getting her hopes up but Terry just reached over and offered his hand to shake. The girl grasped it cautiously as Terry nodded.
“You have my word on it; we’re going to find her and bring her to a place where she can be safe.” He was going out on a limb; just to find the girl had been a daunting task when they first discussed it, but a quick search of the internet proved to be not only fruitful but horrifying. Terry had thought the girl looked familiar, and he was gladdened and disappointed at the same time to find that he was right.
“We’re going to take a trip tomorrow. I want you to promise me you’ll do everything Donna and Dani ask you to, but I’m sorry honey. Where we’re going, you can’t come. It’s too dangerous and we want to make sure you’re safe, okay?” The girl began to tear up and Dani went to hug her cautiously. She looked at Dani and nodded.
“I know I still have to make that list,” she said as she pointed to her shoulders. Dani walked behind the girl and hugged her neck and kissed her temple.
“Sherri and I are going to drive down and visit some folks I know from my job, okay. We should be fine, but we’ll call the Bureau first thing tomorrow to be safe. We’re going to call the office over the river in Camden, just to be cautious; that’s where you’ll be heading tomorrow. I’ll keep on the cell so we can make sure you’re okay.” He caught Donna’s attention with his eyes, and she took his lead.
‘Big day tomorrow. Why don’t you and I go get ready for bed, alright?” She struggled with her treatment of the girl, even though she had worked with Asperger’s kids at the residential program where she interned. Jill presented herself physically as a sixteen year old girl even though she was anatomically still a fifteen year old boy. In addition, she was so smart but so beset by her lack of emotional development that it was like dealing at times with a teenager and other times like dealing with a preteen. Every word was sifted through Donna's experience training, but she still measured each thing she said to Jill.
“I’ve always liked crossword puzzles; I like to do them in ink. I find it challenges me.” She said.
“Yeah, me too. Most of the ones in the paper are too easy.” She held up the magazine and smiled.
“I’ll pull out a couple of ‘difficult’ for us, okay?” Donna nodded and said finally,
“Let me say good night to everyone real quick, sweetie. I’ll be there in just a second, okay?” The girl nodded and walked through to the sleeping area of the suite. Donna looked over and saw that Terry had a very pained look on his face.
“This is fucking sick! I’m glad you’ve got internet access here, but this is so fucking disgusting I hope to God this guy points a fucking gun at me so I can blow his fucking head off.” He pointed to the screen, where a link appeared to the Philadelphia Inquirer. An article popped up with an accompanying picture.
“Edward Penhurst, President of Penhurst TechnoServices of Philadelphia, announced the acquisition of Gypsy Lane Technologies. Both companies combined have nearly three hundred employees, and the acquisition includes an expansion with a possible fifty more hires before the end of the year.” The article was the standard three-paragraph above—the-fold, section B fare, but the picture was what caught everyone’s attention. Standing in the middle of the photo was Penhurst with an attractive woman in her late twenties with the caption, “Penhurst shakes the hand of City Council President Phillip McKenzie. Standing next to McKenzie is Penhurst’s new bride, Kimberly McKenzie, daughter of Phillip.”
“Holy shit,” was all Dani could say as she shook her head.
“Sacre Excremento!” Terry laughed, but it was because he would have screamed if he hadn’t laughed.
"That fucker married his own son off to his business partner! What a fucking pervert!"
Terry’s new boss had just gotten ‘married’ to Jill’s brother Kim. Which meant his own employer was part of the conspiracy, and probably responsible for running his car off the expressway into the river. While being nearly killed by his employer was bad enough, this settled it; for Terry Manahan, it had just gotten personal!
Early morning, the living area of the motel suite…
Terry lay in the fold out cot. He looked peaceful; likely owing to the anticipation of solving the case; the thrill of the hunt was almost always anxiety-producing for most people. With Terry, it was like the kid who knows that Santa is going to bring him that bike he wanted; he slept peacefully in confidence.
It wasn’t at all like that for Special Agent Sherri Caruso. Ironic in that she didn't feel special at all. She lay on the couch in the living room opposite Terry’s cot. The glow of the clock radio time was the only light in the room, but it provided just enough light to reveal the sad look on Sherri’s face as she dealt with yet another sleepless night. Her eyes were wide open and her gaze was fixed on Terry’s sleeping form. She struggled with so many things for so long; many of which had been either resolved or consigned to “it is what it is.”
She didn’t know what to do with her feelings at three-twenty-seven in the morning. All she knew was that they had returned after being long dormant and thought literally to have died a few years ago. She sighed and turned her face to the back of the couch and wept bitter tears. Once this case was over she’d return to her job, and the feelings would once more be interred with her old self, as she resolved never to tell the man sleeping across from her just how much she loved him.
I can make you mine, taste your lips of wine
Anytime night or day
Only trouble is, gee whiz
I'm dreamin' my life away
I need you so that I could die
I love you so and that is why
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Drea-ea-ea-ea-eam, dream, dream, dream
Dream Lover!
Every night I hope and pray
A dream lover will come my way
Someone to hold in my arms
And know the magic of their charms.
Penhurst TechnoServices Offices, Ridley Park, Pennsylvania…
"Penhurst TechnoServices, may I help you?" The voice was almost childlike but feminine.
"May I speak with Kimberly Penhurst?" The voice on the other end was almost identical to the woman who answered.
"Speaking."
"Kim? It's me...." The girl hesitated to use her hated name, but the woman wouldn't know Jill.
"Timmy?"
"Yeah....Kim...we need your help." The girl pled.
"I can't...get involved."
Jill could almost picture Kim shaking her head, not out of reluctance but fear. She spoke up.
"They have Jimmy, and I think they're gonna kill him, if he isn't...." It was too much for the girl and she turned to Donna. Handing her the phone she buried her face in Donna's shoulder and wept.
"Kim...this is Detective Donna Carter. Your brother may still be alive, but he won't be much longer unless you can tell us where they took him." Donna grew impatient and nearly shouted into the cell phone.
"I honestly...I don't know where they took him...I didn't even...you've got to believe me...I..."
"I know...your sister here told us what your father and mother put you kids through...stuff we didn't even know...but we don't have time...where would they go if they wanted some...privacy?"
"I....my husband...my father just sold him a property in Chester...one of their warehouses. I've got the address...." She rattled off the address.
"Where's Stacy? Is she safe? God tell me she's okay." The woman was nearly hysterical.
"The FBI has her safe, Kim...we can't stay on the phone...I'm sorry. You should contact them yourself...tell them what you know. I'm sorry." Donna hung up abruptly. She knew the woman was conflicted, and hoped she'd do the right thing.
Duncan Donuts parking lot, Chester, Pennsylvania…
"Okay, Terry…you two get to the warehouse. We'll head to Camden and turn this evidence in, okay?" They got into the car and watched Caruso and Terry drive off. After saying a quick prayer, they pulled out onto the highway and Dani sighed.
"I hope they're..." She looked back at Jill who was weeping nervously and rocking back and forth. Donna reached out and touched her wrist.
"Don't worry, honey...Terry and Agent Caruso know what they're doing...they're the best." She hoped she was right; at least one life was in the balance, maybe more. They were the best, but was that going to be good enough?
Penhurst TechnoServices Warehouse, Chester, Pennsylvania…
"You can't bail now." Penhurst said to McKenzie as he looked down at Pasquale Spinetti, whose lifeless eyes stared up at the ceiling. McKenzie smiled and laughed.
"Not bailing, just cutting my losses." Phillip McKenzie was nothing if not cautious to a fault. He holstered the pistol under his jacket and picked up the briefcase lying next to his late partner's body.
"No one else knows we're here, right? With our friend somewhat speechless at the moment, we've only to dispose of the kid and we'll both get into my Cessna out at the airport and fly to Bermuda. Then to Venezuela and home free. I'm sure we can find a pretty 'girl' to take care of you on those warm Caracas nights."
“What about my wife….your daughter? She’s already….it’ll be hard to replace her.”
“If it bothers you that much, we can always take this one along, right?” McKenzie pointed back to the figure in the chair against the wall. Jimmy didn’t struggle against his bonds; the drugs would keep him quiet for many hours to come. He was dressed in a blue jersey mini-dress and black tights with ankle boots. His longish hair had been done in a girlish style, and he wore turquoise studs and a turquoise brooch.
“She is almost as appealing as her sister, but she requires too much pharmaceutical intervention. I’d rather she was a little more spirited, but we can’t have everything, can we?” He laughed softly as the girl’s head lolled to one side, spittle dribbling off her chin.
“She’s her mother’s daughter, don’t you think?” McKenzie looked at his step-son with an evil lust that made even Penhurst uncomfortable.
“Certainly takes after her, not like me…I favor my father.”
McKenzie nodded as he looked over and beamed with pride at his son, David Penhurst McKenzie.
On the way to the warehouse...
“You sure you’re ready for this?” Terry looked over at the woman in the driver’s seat and smiled nervously. Trusting your life to your best friend was one thing. Trusting your life to a perfect stranger, even if they were one and the same, was something completely.
“I’m as capable and as sure as I ever was, Terr….you just don’t get it. I may look different to you, but I’m as reliable as ever, maybe even more so, since I feel better about myself than I ever have.” Sherri Caruso was capable and reliable, but sure? That remained to be seen, even from her perspective.
“Okay, okay. I get it.” Terry didn’t get it at all. He was looking into the eyes…the very soul of his erstwhile partner, and he was missing everything.
“We’re stuck with each other. If we could wait for backup I would, but we can’t risk the brother’s life one more moment. I only hope we’re not too late.” The scenery almost flew by as the car sped down the road. The federal plates gave them a free pass, and they drove unhindered toward the warehouse.
“I don’t think they’ll risk killing the kid just yet; yeah, I hope I’m not wrong, but I can’t see them wasting their insurance. I hope and pray I’m right.” Terry patted her on the shoulder and she winced, not out of discomfort, but because she worried her expression might betray her feelings.
Parked in front of the warehouse...
“What do you mean, Velasquez is on assignment?” Sherri looked out the window at the warehouse as the agent on the other end of the line spoke.
“And Tyler? What about Cragen?” Nobody she trusted was available; an inconvenient convenience if there ever was one. She clicked off her cell and breathed out a deep sigh.
“Nobody home? Why am I not fucking surprised.” Terry half-frowned and laughed softly, but he wasn’t amused at all.
“So it looks like we’re in this all by ourselves. The way I figure it, there’s at least three people to deal with, just with what we already know. McKenzie and that fucker of a son-in-law of his, and probably that bastard Spinetti.
Sherri nodded and looked out at the warehouse. The car was partially obscured by the tree line surrounding the building, and dusk was settling as well. She opened the car door after turning off the dome light. Pulling her Glock out of her purse she stepped around to the driver’s side as Terry got out of the car. He unholstered his Sig and closed the car door. Motioning with his gun toward the building, he started walking slowly toward the warehouse.
Inside the warehouse...
“What do we do about him?” Penhurst pointed to the body lying on the floor.
“Nothing. As far as I’m concerned, he can rot right where he is. By the time anyone finds him, even his own son won’t recognize him. Oh…wait…that’s right…never mind.” McKenzie walked over to the body and kicked it.
“This is what you get for ordering a hit on your own kid, you fucker. Don’t you know that family is sacred?” His smarmy comment was lost on his equally smarmy son and business partner. Penhurst laughed and kicked the body himself, like the perverted thrall he was to his father. He turned and walked to the sleeping figure of his step brother.
“You know, father dear, I think I’ve changed my mind. There’s something about this one that is appealing. Once the drugs wear off, I think she’ll be feisty enough to hold my attention.”
McKenzie turned back and smiled at his son/ersatz son-in-law.
“Well, she’s got her mother’s spirit, I’ll give her that.” He laughed but his words were cut short as a gun jabbed his back.
“HE has got his mother’s spirit, something I inherited as well, father dear.” Kimberly McKenzie Penhurst said angrily as she motioned for her father to join her husband by the sleeping boy.
“Put the gun down now, or I will fucking blow our father’s brains out. NOW!” She put the 38 to her father’s head and shoved him. Penhurst laid his gun on the desk next to the sleeping boy and stepped away.
“Stand over there next to that piece of filth you call a son, father dear.” She said as her voice betrayed her nervousness. She held the pistol up and pointed it at Penhurst.
“I don’t know which one I should kill first. My fucking father…funny turn of a phrase, don’t you think, Daddy? Look at me…I’m nineteen and I look almost twice that age. You took my childhood from me.” McKenzie scowled defiantly at her but dropped his gun to the floor.
“Or my fucking brother. You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this, you fucking bastard!” She pointed the gun at his head, but her hands began to display a tremor. She turned again and pointed the gun at McKenzie.
“I don’t think you want to do this, child.” McKenzie said softly in a soothing almost gentle way.
“Patricide is not a forgivable sin, dear one. You won’t find any haven or peace if you kill me. Now killing your brother? Even Cain was spared for killing Abel; merely sent away with a mark on his head. You don’t mind that at all, do you, Kieran?”
She winced at the mention of her given name, causing her to lose focus. Penhurst grabbed the pistol off the desk and fired once, hitting her in the shoulder, knocking her to the floor.
“You always were weak, child. So easy to convince, so easy to persuade.” McKenzie laughed as he picked his gun off the floor and pointed it at his daughter/son.
“But like all playthings, they sometimes lose their attraction; you’ve ceased to be interesting or amusing to either one of us, and your usefulness is at an end.” He sneered.
“Not so useless if she testifies in court against you, you fucking piece of shit!” Terry Manahan pointed his Sig at McKenzie as Sherri walked over and began to release the boy. Terry offered a hand to Kim who rose unsteadily to her feet. As she stood up she stumbled forward into Penhurst. Pushing her aside, he raised his gun again and fired at Sherri just as she finished untying the boy. The next few moments played out almost as if they were in slow motion, but occurring only three seconds apart
“Noooo!” Kimberly screamed; the bullet never reached the target, hitting her instead as she threw herself in front of Penhurst. McKenzie jumped at Terry, grappling for the Sig
Sherri raised her Glock and fired, but her shot missed Penhurst. He returned fire and hit her in the chest. She fell to the floor. He fired again, missing her, as his aim was thrown off from the bullet that entered his back. He fell to the floor, dead.
Dani pointed her Glock at McKenzie’s head and said calmly,
“Please, it’s been a long day, and it would be so nice if you gave me a reason to blow your fucking head off!” She smiled as he backed away from Terry.
“Not that I’m complaining, but what the fuck are you doing here?” He laughed nervously as he looked over at Dani and Donna.
“We figured you needed back up…what can I say?” Dani shrugged her shoulders. Donna knelt down and cradled Kimberly in her arms.
“Is Jimmy okay? I wanted to stop them….I couldn’t….” The girl pled.
“Shhh…don’t talk…everybody’s okay….shhhh…..” Donna spoke as she stroked the dying girl’s hair.
“NOOOO…..nooooo….” Jill screamed as she ran to her sister’s side.
“Jill…no…you were supposed to stay in the car…no honey….” Donna pled with the weeping girl.
“Hey….kiddo….you…okay….” Kimberly looked up at her sister.
“Yeeaaaesss.” Jill sobbed.
“Hey….don’t…..cry…..Jimmy….Jimmy is safe….okay…..hey……TTi....Timmy...what’s….what’s your name?” The girl stared almost blankly up into her new-found sister's face.
“Jii….iillll.”
“Jill….pretty….honey….very…..pre….” Her eyes fluttered and she was gone. Jill buried her face in Donna’s breast and wept.
Terry stood and breathed out a deep sigh before a look of horror crossed his face as he noticed Sherri lying still on the floor. He ran to her and picked her up in his arms.
She looked up and smiled.
“Hey, partner…how….wahhh….” She sputtered.
“Don’t talk…don’t talk…you’re going to be okay…hang in there….’ He said as he pulled her blouse open. The bullet had passed clean through her shoulder, but she was still putting out a lot of blood. Dani was already on the phone to 911. Terry ripped part of Sherri's blouse and pressed it against her shoulder to staunch the flow of blood. He sat on the floor and cradled her in his arms.
“Terry….I….I…” She had tears in her eyes, but the pain wasn’t from the wound in her shoulder.
“I know…I know…” Terry said softly. He leaned forward and surprised Sherri and himself. He kissed her quickly before looking up into the barrel of his own Sig that McKenzie had picked up in the confusion .
“And now to end this pitiful drama! You people are oh so predictable. Just so foolish with your love and your care and your….”
His speech was cut short as the sound of one last shot echoed in the warehouse and Phillip McKenzie fell down dead. Jimmy dropped the Glock and ran into Dani’s arms, weeping.
Donna stood up and motioned to Dani, who brought brother and sister together. Donna hugged them both as Dani walked over and picked up Sherri’s Glock. She wiped the gun once with the sleeve of her blouse before placing the gun in Kimberly’s hand. A siren was heard in the distance as Dani looked down at the dead girl.
“I’m sorry we couldn’t do more, sweetie. Be at peace.”
In the warehouse with police and EMTs and the Coroner...
Dani stood talking with a Chester Township Police Officer while Donna talked with the Child Protective Services rep with the twins.
“Yeah….McKenzie was going to shoot Manahan over there when the girl picked up the gun and shot him. This while already taking a slug from Penhurst over there. She saved Caruso and her brother both. It’ll be in the report. We didn’t have a choice; they took the boy and nearly killed his foster mom. I think McKenzie killed Timmy’s foster mother, too. We can finish this at the hospital. The EMT told me that it looks pretty good; she lost a lot of blood, but it didn’t hit anything too bad. I’ll fill in as many blanks as I know how; just let me and Donna have a few minutes with the kids, okay?”
The cop nodded and closed his notebook before walking over to Manahan, who sat in a chair. Dani picked up her purse and eyed the flash drive sitting in the side pocket. She’d turn it over to the U.S. Attorney’s office as soon as they got back to Philly. Finding the name of the Assistant Bureau Chief in Camden meant that the pedophile case just turned federal, and it would be up to the U.S. Attorney now to finally see that these kids got some justice. And next to the pocket rested the unfired 38 that Kimberly brought with her; Dani made a mental note to toss it in the Delaware on the way to the hospital. She turned and watched the cop speaking with Terry.
“We’ll get your statement at the hospital; I understand that Caruso’s your partner?” Terry looked up and smiled weakly, misunderstanding the question.
“If she’ll have me.”
University of Penn Hospital Emergency Room Waiting Area…
“Okay, who’s family here for Agent Caruso?” The doctor smiled as he surveyed the waiting room. Dani, Donna and Terry all stood up and walked up.
“Her sister lives in Maine, she’s on a flight down but won’t be here until late.” Donna said.
“Any other family?” He shrugged and half-frowned.
“I…I’m Terry Manahan…I’m….I’m her fiance, “Terry said with a nervous grin as Donna and Dani looked at each other and smiled.
“She lost a lot of blood, but nothing major other than a tear in her shoulder, which we repaired. She’s in recoverey but she’s still under it. You can visit her when they take her to CCU, okay?” They smiied as he walked away. About thirty feet from the elevator he stopped and turned. Walking about half way back, he laughed and said loud enough for everyone to hear,
“Oh…Mr. Manahan? Terry turned and replied,
“Yes?”
“Get the girl a ring, okay?” He laughed to himself and walked away again.
“Yeah,” Dani said, punching him hard in the arm,
“Get the girl a ring!”
Epilogue…
In total, twenty-four men and five women in Pennsylvania and New Jersey were arrested; among them seven law enforcement officials, two state officials and the aforementioned Assistant Bureau Chief. Social worker Christine Acosta and Captain Virgil Hughes were victims of the conspiracy, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, as were Karen Nowitski and Dave Nader of WPVI. Nowitski was under the impression that she was being included in a scoop about the case by McKenzie because of her connection to Detective Spinetti.
The investigation determined that Detective Marco Spinetti was used by his father and McKenzie, and had no idea of the conspiracy. The young man had shown himself in the end to be a man of highest quality, and his bravery saved Donna and Jill from certain death. He died a hero, and was buried with full honors.
McKenzie and Penhurst were at the core of the conspiracy, along with Patsy Spinetti, who plotted to blackmail McKenzie; which ultimately led to his untimely but deserved demise. It was discovered that McKenzie and at least two of his co-conspirators had fathered five other children who were victimized. The children were all placed in foster care pending adoption or permanent foster placement.
Dani and Donna's home...
“You gonna write?” Jimmy stood with his hands in his pockets, looking around. Jill smiled and grabbed his chin, pulling it toward her.
“Ya gotta remember to keep eye contact, right?” It was odd to see things back to semi-normal. Jimmy of course was back in boy mode and happy for it. But Timmy was never going back, and Jill had gained a new life, hopefully one that would be encouraged by the next foster family. They looked as identical as a boy and girl can; two sides of the same coin some might say.
"Mom sez I gotta go see the shrink, but she's pretty good." Jimmy shrugged his shoulders. As if living with the abuse weren't enough, he had witnessed the attempted murder of his foster mother and the murder of his stepsister.
"I had one back home, but I don't know where I'm going next." Having witnessed so much death and harm in the past four days, it was amazing that Jill could function at all, but that really was the key. The support and encouragement she had gotten from Donna and Dani as Jill had given her something she hadn't had her entire life; hope.
“Hey, why don’t you come live with us?” Jimmy said, pointing back to Mr. and Mrs. Capaldi, his foster parents. Nancy shook her head but Jill frowned sadly.
“Social services already has a family for me, fuck.” Jimmy laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
“Stupid…girls aren’t supposed to swear!” He laughed again but Jill began to cry.
“Oh what the fuck did I do now? I’m sorry.” Jimmy struggled with social cues, but even he understood how upset his brother was. At least the thought his brother was upset until her heard his sister speak.
“Nuthin’s wrong, Jim…you just called me a girl.” Jill went to hug her brother. He patted her awkwardly on the back before adding,
“What the fuck should I call you? You’re a girl, arentcha?” Jill nodded and hugged him again.
“Hey you two, Momma has to get back home for PT,” Nancy said, pointing to the sling holding up her left arm.
“I’m sorry, but you guys can visit next month when Jill and her parents come out to our place, okay?”
“Huh?” The two of them said almost in unison. Donna walked up to the twins, her hand trailing behind as Dani followed, her other hand holding a folder.
“I’m afraid there isn’t a foster family for you, honey.” Donna said softly her voice almost breaking but her smile confusing the two until Dani held the folder up.
“You’ve been adopted, Jill….I hope you don’t mind living with a neo-hippy inter-racial lesbian couple.” Dani laughed as Jill’s eyes widened in recognition.
“Yep, you guessed it; Jill has two mommies,” She grabbed Jill and pulled her into a hug.
“How?” Nancy asked, knowing the protocol for adoption.
“Let’s just say that the city of Philadephia and the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania owe us both a whole lotta favors.” Donna beamed as she joined the hug.
Donna rubbed Jill's shoulders and smiled.
"There's a friend of mine I want you to see; she specializes in helping girls like us, okay? Her name is Dr. Katie Kelly, and she's already looking forward to seeing you." She smiled and continued.
"Seems everything worked out just fine."
“Still haven’t gotten my phone yet, though!” Dani laughed.
“But that’s okay, because everyone I ever want to call is right here with me.” She leaned over and kissed Donna who nodded and smiled the most peaceful smile you could ever imagine.
Vietnam Restaurant, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania…
Sherri was sitting in a booth with her buddies, Cragen, Tyler and Velasquez, all of whom had returned from ‘assignment’ when their boss was arrested. Sherri’s arm was in a sling, but she looked fairly healthy for someone who had only recently knocked on death’s door.
“I heard it from a little bird,” Velasquez began to say when his friends all groaned.
“Okay, a very large Bureau Chief that someone is in line for Dooley’s job.” Sherri began to blush; her work in the case that was never assigned had broken open a pedophile and pornography ring spanning at least four states, by last count. She smiled as the groans subsided.
“Not me, kids. I know it’s from our office, Cragen, but I won’t tell anyone, Cragen…You know it’s got to be someone with experience and can lead a team, Cragen.”
“Okay, okay, you got me, but I’m honored to know that I was second choice, right?” He patted her on her bad arm, causing her to wince.
“Sorry.”
The waitress came with a tray of drinks and appetizers.
“Excuse me, Miss, but the gentleman at the bar wanted you to have this. Sherri looked up and saw the waitress holding a small gift box. She looked over at the bar and Terry Manahan smiled and held up his drink.
“He says that you should open it.” The waitress said, almost apologetically. Sherri nodded and turned her head askance as if puzzled. As she was opening the box, Terry got off the stool and walked toward the booth.
“I don’t know how to do stuff like this, so I figured why not improvise. It’s worked for us in the past, right?”
Sherri looked up into his eyes and noticed the tears beginning to well; those big beautful Irish eyes. She pulled off the last of the paper and opened the box. Settled in the middle was a diamond ring. He took her left hand softly in his, removed the ring from the box and put it on her finger.
“Don’t say a word. Just listen.” He choked at the word ‘listen’ but continued.
“I’ve known you for a long time; two life times, in fact.” She put her head down but he cupped her chin in his hand, lifting her head again.
“I don’t know how things are supposed to work for everyone…just for me, okay? You’re my best friend. Pastor Melanie says, “Date a friend; marry a friend,” right?” Sherri nodded as tears began to flow.
“Well, I figured we got the first part down pat…why not go all the way and try the second, okay?” She nodded as he slipped the ring on her finger. He pulled her to her feet, gently and gathered her into his arms.
Above all else, perhaps, Terry Manahan was a man of integrity. It’s one thing to kiss someone when you’re among friends and in private; it’s another thing entirely to kiss someone in public. While integrity played a part in his decision, Terry kissed Special Agent Sherri Caruso because she was the woman he loved, and this was the best way to show her. So kiss her he did, “long and hard, the way a woman should be kissed," like someone once said.
And Sherri Caruso kissed back, long and hard, just like someone should kiss the one they love.
Someday, I don't know how
I hope she'll hear my plea
Someway, I don't know how
She'll bring her love to me.
Dream lover until then
I'll go to sleep and dream again
That's the only thing to do
til all my lover's dreams come true.
The End for the Time Being - Another Defender Series Coming Soon!
Dream a Little Dream
Words by Gus Kahn
Music by Fabian Andre and Wilbur Schwandt
As performed by Michael Buble'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btc1wAk5tlU
Dream On
Words and Music by
Steve Tyler
As performed by Kelly Sweet
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXcaZOE09h8
You Were On My Mind
Words and Music by
Sylvia Tyson
as performed by
We Five
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cdcl2HTI9f8
Sweet Dreams (Are Made of This)
words and music by
Dave Steward and Annie Lennox
The Eurythmics
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeMFqkcPYcg
Dream
words and music
and performance by
Priscilla Ahn
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7z2vEwF0f2s&NR=1
Love is Where You Are
As performed by
Diana Krall
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLEJAyYor9E
I'll String Along With You
Words and Music by
Al Dubin and Harry Warren
as performed by Diana Krall
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6mAKNZtAyBA&feature=related
Angel's Wings
as performed by the composer
Marisa Frantz
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VRwMghIemo&feature=fvw
You Stepped Out of a Dream
words and music by
Gus Kahn and Nacio Brown
as performed by
Sergio Mendes and Brasil '66
featuring Gracinha Leporace
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4N3I31MNFKQ
All I Have to Do is Dream
words and music by
Felice and Boudleaux Bryant
as performed by
Juice Newton
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wHVHbLL3-8
Dream Lover
As Performed by the Composer,
Bobby Darin
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=imI5YMU53HE
