Blessed Hearts Series
 |
A Chesapeake Romance
For Elizabeth by Andrea Lena DiMaggio these are days you'll remember |
Candace wiped the tear from her face and looked away. Something was going on inside her; something she thought would never happen. The memory of the kiss brought back more than the past. It brought back that feeling she had lost since then…that she wasn’t a pretender. She wasn’t deluded or foolish, and she could look in the mirror once again and accept that she could be loved.
Please Note: This story is a continuation of The Greatest of These, picking up ten years after the end of Chapter Two.
Baltimore, Maryland, sometime in the future
"Hello, I'm here about the apartment...we talked yesterday on the phone." The petite girl stood at the doorway looking as friendly as anyone Candace had ever met.
"Oh yes, you must be Kyra," Candace said as she opened the door wider to greet the girl, who looked scanned the room before saying,
"Unless someone else has a claim, I'd like to be considered. This is a nice place, and I can see it already suits my needs. Now to whether I suit yours?" She laughed softly.
"You said you're in your senior year of premed...." Candace hesitated, allowing Kyra an in.
"I know; I barely look like I should be in high school. I just turned nineteen last week. I'm what they like to call....gifted." She laughed softly again, evoking a familarity that Candace couldn't place.
"You said your soon-to-be-former roomate is moving this weekend? I can be ready to move in Sunday afternoon, if that meets with your and your other roommate's approval.
"Sure, we already checked your references, and I don't see why not. I know Debbie met you over at the student union the other day and she's fine, so if you want to look around before you sign the lease?" There was something about Kyra that reminded her of someone she had met years before, but again, her memory failed her. Kyra solved that problem almost immediately.
"Candace...you don't remember me, but I remember you. I was about nine and you were about ages with my brother...maybe a year older." That smile again. She'd seen it before, and not just on Kyra. She closed her eyes, trying to pull something from her memory to place where she'd met the girl.
"You were at the home where my dad....where Carla was cared for. Your mom, if I recall was a nurse, and you helped her take care of Carla." Her eyes began to mist and she turned away.
"Funny, he...she died ten years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday." She shook her head. Candace's eyes widened in recognition as she recalled the day.
The Home that Love Built, ten years before
“I love you Carl…I always will. Always. And I love you too, Carla…I don’t know who you are, but you’re part of my best friend…so I guess I…oh I don’t know.”
It was all too much for Margo to understand, but she didn’t travel nearly thirteen hundred miles just to get stuck on principle.
“No matter what, I love all of you.” She choked back a sob.
“NO!” The voice came from the doorway.
“I hate you…I hate you!” Keith yelled as he rushed to the bed. Margo went to grab him, but he pushed past her and fell against Carla’s prostrate form. He put his head on Carla’s chest and sobbed, over and over.
“I hate you. I hate you, Daddy…I hate you.” Carla raised her hand feebly and stroked Keith’s hair.
“I hate you….Daddy….noooo.nnnnooo I’m sorry Daddy….don’t go ….I love you…please…please.” Keith wept in Carla’s arms and Margo put her hand on his shoulder.
“I love you Keith….I love you all.” Carla continued to stroke Keith’s hair and pat Kyra on the back. Her hand brushed against Margo’s. She felt Margo grip her hand and her voice saying simply,
“It’s okay…we love you…we love you.”
A few moments later, Margo felt Carla’s hand go limp. Keith looked up and saw Carla’s face. She was smiling, but there was no light in her eyes. Keith looked up at his mother who took her right hand and covered her mouth. She went to cry, but no sound came out. She tried to reach out to Keith, but he had stood up. He took his sister in his arms and cried as hard as he ever had. She was nine and she almost understood what was happening.
“Four seventeen,” the voice said from the other side of the bed. Janet stood next to Carla’s body and tears streamed down her cheeks. She looked up and saw Candace standing in the doorway, weeping.
“Excuse me...I’ll leave you for a moment,” Janet said as she walked to the doorway. Gathering Candace in her arms, she kissed the girl on the forehead, pulling her in more. Candace buried her face in Janet’s sweater and sobbed.
“It’s okay, honey, Momma’s here.” Janet said softly as she stroked Candace’s hair…”It’s okay.”
Back in the apartment
“I brought cash.” Kyra said softly while gently tugging on Candace’s sleeve. Candace shook her head and opened her eyes.
“I’m sorry, I was lost in thought; what did you say?”
“I brought cash for the first month’s rent and deposit. I figured cash would be helpful.” Kyra smiled…that smile once again. Candace smiled back and then realized what was poking her in the head.
“Oh…you live in Baltimore. Why the apartment?” That wasn’t really what she was driving at, but she didn’t want to dive into the deep end of the pool just yet.
“My mom got remarried. Nice guy from Hagerstown. She closes on the family home next month, so I had to find a place.“
“Oh…that’s cool.” She turned her head and grimaced. “That’s cool?” She thought, wishing she’d kept quiet.
“Yes.” Kyra grinned.
“And yes to your next question.” She laughed softly.
“Whhat..what question?” Candace said nervously as her face began to grow warm.
“Does my brother still live in Baltimore…the answer is yes.” She laughed again.
“Oh…that’s nice.” Candace winced after the words left her mouth.
“You might even know him. I remember that you like sports…I’m surprised you don’t know.” She laughed again. Very sweet.
“Don’t know…what?” She grew red and turned her head, wondering if the answer was written somewhere on the wall of the apartment.
“He’s the eleven o’clock sports anchor for WMAR right here in town. You know…Keith Schroeder?”
“Oh shit…Oh…sorry. I…I watch him all the time.” She fibbed. She hardly watched broadcast TV; ESPN was almost always on her bedroom cable TV.
“If you do, you’re one of the few. MAR is tanking in the ratings, and he’s on the bubble to lose his job. Rumor is that they want to bring the evening girl in from New York, but they haven’t come out and said anything to him."
“Oh shit…Oh…sorry.” Her face had cooled off just enough for her to notice the warmth returning to her cheeks.
“Anyway, he’s helping me move in…I am moving in, right? Kyra smiled and rubbed Candace’s arm, causing her to wince.
“Oh…yes…you’re moving in…Ummm…let’s sit down and look at the lease, okay?”
Candace pointed to the kitchen table. She closed her eyes and thought once again about Kyra’s brother, and struggled to think of what he looked like. When she opened them up she realized that she was still standing in the middle of the room and that Kyra was still holding her arm.
That weekend at the apartment
The move went smoothly, insofar as the furniture was minimal and fit in Kyra’s room and a nice dining room set replaced their worn kitchen dinette.
“I can’t believe running into you after all these years.”
Keith Schroeder was truly amazed, and he was amazing, as far as Debbie and Candace were concerned. He had grown quite a bit in the ten years since his mother and sister and he visited the Home that Love Built. At six-four he was strikingly handsome, but not in the look-at-me way that some guys display. And he was actually quite modest for a sportscaster. He was grateful for his opportunity to work in Baltimore, and he was quite popular even if he worked for the number four network out of six.
“You look terrific, Candace,” he said as he grabbed a second slice of mushroom and onion pizza from the box on the counter. She found herself staring at him and looked away, her cheeks growing red yet again from the embarrassment.
“You look terrific?” She mouthed silently.
She had always been self conscious around men; even more so nearly three years past her surgery. The abuse that she suffered at the hands of her step father was still taking its toll years later, despite therapy and the support of Janet and Cal, her adoptive parents. Being a transsexual didn’t help her self esteem. Years of misplaced guilt and shame had led to few if any serious relationships. And to see Keith after all these years?
“So you guys know each other?” Debbie looked back and forth between Kyra and Keith and Candace.
“Oh, yes…Candace lived at the home where our dad…where Carla ended up. The hospice there took such good care of him.” Kyra’s eyes began to mist.
“Oh, I’m sorry…I still have the hardest time remembering.” She shook her head and Keith spoke up.
“It was so difficult to find out that our…our dad wanted to be…was a woman.” He shook his head, mirroring his sister’s embarrassment.
“That’s okay…I understand. You knew your dad for years and only had a few days to get to know his other self.” Debbie put her hand on Kyra’s shoulder.
“I never had a problem. When I came out to my parents and sister they just looked at me as if I were their daughter and sister all along. Most of us don’t have that acceptance. If we did, Candace’s mom and dad would be out of a job…happily, but it just isn’t happening for a lot of us.”
She smiled warmly and Keith caught what looked almost like a twinkle in her eyes. The look wasn’t lost on Candace either. She turned away and sighed.
“Candace helped her mom and her mom’s boss with Daddy all the way to the end.” Keith smiled and continued.
“How is that doctor who worked there? She was such a big help to us…to me.” He thought back to that day long ago and the letter from his father that Drea had given him.
Years before at the Home
I never meant to hurt you, and I am so sorry that I left…I know I said that, but you have to know it wasn’t because of anything you did. You are the best son anyone could ever have. I am so proud of how you have taken care of your mom and sis. Know that I love you and I’m so proud of the man you’re becoming. Give Kyra a kiss for me, okay? Dad
Keith looked at Drea, as if to ask a question. Looking at the letter once again, he began to cry, not hysterically or loudly, but softly. He might have felt uncomfortable had he thought about it, but it felt entirely okay as he put his head on her shoulder and wept. She held him and rocked him, saying softly,
“It’s okay, Keith…go ahead…let it out.” Tears streamed down her own cheeks as she felt connected to the boy’s grief and sadness. “It’s okay.”
Back in the present
“How is she? I think of her now and then.” Keith smiled and noticed the sad look on Candace’s face.
“She passed away a few years ago. It was a precious time.” Keith’s eyes widened and he turned to Kyra who shook her head and half-smiled.
“I like to think she’s looking down on us, you know? Like a grandmother.” Candace bit her lip and grinned warmly, trying to hold back her tears.
“That day we left?” Kyra laughed softly, her warm tone breaking the sad silence.
“You guys kissed on the porch. Mom was sitting in the front seat of the van with that lady Irene and I was sitting in the back. Keith came back to the van and he had the reddest look on his face…just like that,” she said as she pointed to her brother's magenta complexion and sheepish grin.
“First time I ever kissed a girl!” He laughed softly and smiled at Candace, whose turn it was to grow red as well.
“It was the most beautiful moment in a week full of sadness,” Kyra said as she grabbed Keith’s arm. You had been so wonderful to him, and it was a big help to all of us…you were so dear to Daddy and we can’t begin to thank you.”
“Carla was so nice to me…she was the first person I spoke to when I got to the Home besides my Mom and she made me feel like I belonged even though she was in such pain. I loved her like she was my family. I have to thank you.”
Candace wiped the tear from her face and looked away. Something was going on inside her; something she thought would never happen. The memory of the kiss brought back more than the past. It brought back that feeling she had lost since then…that she wasn’t a pretender. She wasn’t deluded or foolish, and she could look in the mirror once again and accept that she could be loved.
New Friends
You know everything that I'm afraid of
You do everything I wish i did
Everybody wants you, everybody loves you
I know i should tell you how i feel
I wish everyone would disappear
Every time time you call me, I'm too scared to be me
And I'm too shy to say
The girls' apartment in Baltimore on moving day
"So you'll come? I thought a big celebrity like you wouldn't have time for us little folk?" Candace smiled.
"I wouldn't miss it for the world. Can I bring a date?" Keith asked as he grabbed a diet root beer out of the fridge. Candace took a short breath and turned away. She bit her tongue and without turning around said,
"Sure. That'll be okay." It wasn't okay at all. Candace had looked forward to the party. It seemed like a time to renew friendships and maybe see if new things could begin. She fought back tears and walked out of the room.
"Give me a sec, okay... gotta get something from my room." She'd likely find a book or a CD that would fit the bill to disguise the fact that she needed to be anywhere but in the same room with her first crush.
"Okay. I'll still be here when you get back." Keith noticed nothing, which was likely to his advantage for the moment, since things would ultimately work out between the two of them; just not in the way either of them would have anticipated.
I hope you feel the way that i do
I get a rush
When I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you
A crush on you
The girls' apartment the following Saturday
“Candace, I’d like you to meet Gina Edelsohn. She’s a meteorologist at the station. Gina, this is Candace McGuire, a good friend of mine who I’m happy to say has re-made my acquaintance.” Keith smiled as the two women shook hands. Candace looked uncomfortable as Gina began to speak.
“Keith tells me you’re going for your doctorate in Nursing Education. That’s wonderful. My mom and my Sis are both nurses at Johns Hopkins, and my partner is a nursing instructor at Georgetown. She’s dropping by later if it’s not too much trouble. My ride home since I’ve got the early morning weather these days.” Candace turned as she felt her face grow warm. She faked a sneeze and turned back to see Keith smiling.
“Funny, Schroeder, really funny.” She punched him hard in the arm as Gina looked on in amazement.
“Keith, you are a brat…. Did he tell you I was his date? He’s like a brother to me…a really bratty snot-nosed sticking your pigtails in the inkwell brother.” She laughed and punched his other arm.
“Ow…you guys hit hard.” He winced as Candace stared at him.
“If you don’t mind, I’ll let you guys catch up, okay. I’ll go say hi to Kyra.” She was off into the kitchen.
“I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist. You are such an easy target.” He said. The playfulness seemed to disappear for Candace as she thought of how disappointed she’d become when she thought Keith was taken.
“Hey, it isn’t like we’re going to start dating… I’m sure you’ve got someone. You do, don’t you?” She did if by having someone included listening to Josh Groban and crying into her pillow. She had almost given up hope of ever loving someone. Keith seemed to reinforce her fears when he spoke again.
“I asked your roommate out…I hope you don’t mind?” She looked over at Debbie who was pouring some ginger ale for Kyra.
“Mind? No...Not at all…why should I? It isn’t like we were dating or anything?” Candace had been in fairly good control up to that point. She lost it all as she shook her head.
“Excuse me…I...I’ve got to …sorry…” She said as she walked out of the living room and down the hallway to her bedroom. Closing the door behind her, she fell onto the bed and wept.
“It’s not fair…son of a bitch….it’s not fair…..” She buried her face in her pillow and was sobbing so hard as to shake her bed. She didn’t hear the door open slightly and didn’t see the figure at the doorway shaking their head. Or the soft voice that nearly whispered,
“Nope…not fair at all….” Tears fell from the girl’s face as she witnessed her sad friend weep in despair; perhaps the same despair and feelings of being an oddity that she felt as well.
“Nope…not fair at all”
But there's no one to talk to, nobody knows
I've got a crush on you
A crush on you, I got a crush
Sunday morning
“I know he never said anything, Mom…but…” Candace spoke softly into the phone, trying to plead her case with Janet.
“Well, I thought that seeing me again…the kiss…Gosh mom, I know it was ten years ago…” She bit her lip as she listened to her mother tell her how special and important she was.
“Look how long it took for you to meet Cal…Mom…I can’t wait that long…” She felt like throwing the phone. She wasn’t angry at her mother; just what her mother pointed out…that life isn’t fair.
“Okay…I’ll call you tomorrow. NO, I haven’t run out of Kleenex…” she chuckled.
“I love you so much Mommy!” The ‘Mommy’ was rarely invoked, saved for only special occasions and dire straits.
“Love you…bye…yeah I will…bye Mom!” She clicked the phone off and sat down at the kitchen table. She rested her head on her arms and began to cry softly.
“Hey...whatever it is, we’ll get through it, right,” She heard a voice from behind as soft hands began to massage her shoulders. She turned to see Kyra smiling at her.
“I saw the look on your face last night. Come on, Cee, It’s me, you can tell me anything.” She half-frowned in sympathy and continued.
“Debbie is so upset and sad about this.…they just hit it off, sweetie…you know how that can happen.” Without looking up, Candace sobbed softly,
“Just by reading about it…I…I nehhhhver had a boy friend. I neeehhhverr had aneebuhhhdddddeeee.”
“I know…I’ve never had anybody either, honey…I know how hard it can be when you don’t feel like you fit in.” Kyra kept massaging Candace’s shoulders.
“Whhaaat??? How would you know?” Like many of us, at the moment of her despair, Candace was convinced that no one could ever understand how she felt.
“I never had any boyfriends either, but not because they didn’t like me. It’s because I only liked them as friends, sweetie. You know?” She smiled and kept her ministrations going as Candace grew less tense until,
“What? You only like boys as friends?” Her shoulders tensed as she sat up, turning around to face Kyra.
“Yeah…what of it…ohhhh shit….” She pulled her hands away from Candace’s shoulders as she shook her head.
“No…no ….not… I just wanted….” Her face grew bright red and she burst into tears. She ran down the hallway and ran into her room, slamming the door behind her, more out of fear and embarrassment than anything else.
Candace stood up and shook her head. She wiped the tears from her eyes and went to walk down the hall. As she grew closer to Kyra’s room she could hear sobbing. Thinking better of it, she backed off and walked down the hallway and sat back down at the kitchen table. She shook her head once before returning it to her arms on the table as she began once again to weep softly.
Tuesday afternoon at Pei Wei Asian Diner
“You really should say something to Candace.” Debbie brushed her hair out of her eyes and began again.
“Keith…I mean it…she really thought you were going to …you know…like a fairy tale almost…when she saw you after all this time? I’ve known her for nearly four years, and I’ve never seen a look on her face like what she showed the other night. She’s hurt, and you…well we both need to talk to her about us. It’s only fair to her and to me.”
“You’re right. I’ve been thinking about it since we started going out. I didn’ t even know that she was the same Candace until I got to the apartment with my sister; Kyra’s one for surprises and that surprised the heck out of me. I’m sure it didn’t do her any good the other night when she found out you and I were dating. Well…”
“It certainly didn’t help when you acted like you were just asking me out when we’ve been dating for two months, Keith. Why would you let her think that? She’s upset and insecure at this point.!”
Keith looked away, knowing ahead of time it wasn’t time to joke, but he did anyway.
“At least she knows it isn’t because she’s trans.” No sooner did the words leave his mouth then Debbie looked at him in embarrassment.
“I’m so glad I got to be the subject of your object lesson. Is that what I am to you? Just a t-girl? Just someone you can point to and say how broadminded you are? How could you?” Debbie stood up, her face red and her eyes beginning to fill with tears.
“Fine…I’m glad I could help. Maybe this will get you that Community Service Award you keep talking about? Date a trans and show how tolerant you are? Fuck off, Keith Schroeder!” She ran from the restaurant and was gone as Keith sat quietly at the table.
Saturday morning at the girls' apartment
It’s said in some circles that women who live together for a length of time sometimes will have their cycles coincide. In the apartment, the crying cycle seemed to be synchronized as all three of the women sat in various rooms while weeping. Every once and a while their paths would cross. They would shake their heads and shrug their shoulders before returning to the living room or the bathroom or the kitchen or their own bedrooms, only to begin crying again. A knock on the door interrupted them. Kyra walked to the door to find Keith standing on the landing. His eyes were red and he looked very tired.
“Hey sis! Are the girls in?”
“Yeah, but I don’t think this is a good time to….” She barely got that out when he walked past her into the living room. Candace looked up and shook her head. She went to rise when Keith blurted out,
“Good…don’t move.” He walked down the hallway and knocked on Debbie’s door.
“Go away!” The voice cried from under some blankets and a pillow. Keith tried the door and it opened.
He walked up to the bed and asked,”
“You got your pajamas on?” Debbie nodded and went to speak. He grabbed her by the hand and lifted her out of bed. Wasting no time, he walked her down the hallway and sat her down on the couch opposite Candace. He pointed to the chair next to Candace and Kyra sat down as he sat down on the couch next to Debbie.
“Good…let’s clear the air, shall we? I’ll begin. Hi, I’m Keith Schroeder, and I’m a complete ass! Mind you, that’s not as bad as being half-assed, but still.” His attempt at humor failed to amuse. Kyra shook her head, Debbie just put her head down, and Candace buried her face into the wing of the chair.
“Let me start over,” he said in a softer voice.
“Ladies. I am so sorry for my behavior. I should have communicated better. You deserve more than just that, but at the least, I was so insensitive.” He looked at Candace as she faced him.
“We had something very special that day so long ago. I will always remember you as the first girl I kissed. And I should have told you how special that was. But I also needed to tell you right away that Debbie and I had already met even before Kyra moved in. You are one special woman, Candace, but just not for me. I’m sorry for hurting you.” She turned away and wept again, but not bitterly but with disappointment nonetheless.
“Debbie. I am so sorry for being so foolish the other day. I knew from the moment I met you that you I…well? There was something between us like I’ve never had. And it didn’t make any difference one way or the other about how you got to be who you are. You aren’t a t-girl to me…you’re a woman I’ve fallen in love with. I am sorry for taking so long to say that, but I love you, and I am so glad you’re in my life. Can you forgive me?”
“You…you love me?” Debbie’s eyes widened as she looked at Keith.
“Yes…I do. Very much so. Can you forgive me?”
“You love me? Of course I forgive you.” Her lip began to quiver and she started crying all over again.
“What? Debbie…Why are you crying?”
“Bbbb…because you love me.” She tilted her head and half-smiled even as the tears fell from her chin.
That evening
“Hey.” Kyra said softly as she entered the room. Candace lifted her head from her arms and smiled weakly.
“You gonna be okay?” Kyra said as she poured herself a cup of coffee.
“Yeah…I’m okay…just getting used to being a woman instead of a starstruck teenager.” She smiled and sat up.
“No more crying…ever!” She laughed softly which evoked a soft “mmm” from Kyra.
“I mean it…no crying ever again for any reason. Hmmhph…wish it were so,” she said softly as tears filled her eyes. Kyra put her cup of coffee down and walked behind Candace. Putting her hands on Candace’s shoulders, she began to massage.
“You know, tears can be very cleansing. I think all of us have got that down pretty good. It’s the laughing and smiling and all that other good stuff we need to get a handle on.” Her hands felt Candace tense up as she began to sob.
“Hey…none of that.” She leaned closer and started to sing in Candace’s ear,”
You know, I'm the one that you can talk to
And sometimes you tell me things that i don't want to know
I just want to hold you
And you say exactly how you feel about him
(And I wonder, could you ever think of me that way) She left the last line unsung, but she thought it anyway.
“It’s okay, honey, let it out…it’s alright.” Kyra embraced Candace from behind and began to weep along with her friend. Mostly for Candace’s sadness, but also for that part of her that felt she would never be able to tell her how she felt. Never be able to be loved as well. She kissed Candace on the cheek, tasting her tears. Candace turned to face her.
“Hehhhey…don’t cry…I’ll be alright…it’s okay.” She half-smiled and hugged her friend.
“I just hate to see you so sad…it hurts me so much to see you sad.” By then, tears were streaming down the faces of both girls.
“That’s so sweet.” She pulled Kyra closer to kiss her, a sisterly kiss of course. As she brought her face close to Kyra’s she felt something change; in an instant things were quite different for her than a moment ago. She kissed Kyra on the lips; it was right and wonderful and sad and happy and lovely all at once; the magic of that first kiss was left far behind as she discovered that the one thing that trumps one’s first kiss is the kiss of one’s true love.
I hope you feel the way that i do
I get a rush
When I'm with you
Ooh, I've got a crush on you
A crush on you
A Wrinkle In Time
Even through the darkest phase
Be it thick or thin
Always someone marches brave
Here beneath my skin
And constant craving
Has always been
A few days later...
“Honey? Are you okay?” Kyra walked into the kitchen and noticed Candace had laid her head on the table.
“Yeah,” she said as she looked up, but there were tears in her eyes. Kyra saw that Candace wasn’t quite at home but had slipped through a wrinkle in time, as the book read, which too often swept her back to a day where hurt and pain were her routine. Candace had told her about the abuse she had suffered at the hands of her mother and stepfather before she came to the Home that Love Built and her adoption by Janet McGuire.
“Nightmares? Oh damn, Sweetie, you’ve been dealing with that for so long…I wish there was something I could do?” She leaned closer from behind and embraced her girlfriend and kissed her softly on the ear.
“You’re doing exactly what you can, Ky… hold me tight, okay? Hug me as tight as you can?” Candace turned to face her and smiled. Kyra pulled close and kissed her, making sure she paid care to the girl’s eyelids; Candace loved that part of Kyra’s playful attention.
“Mmmmm…that’s nice.” She was still crying, but the tears were abating as she gave herself to the moment. She pulled Kyra around and pulled her down on her lap, continuing to kiss back until the two broke off at the sound of a loud clink. The screw holding the back left leg popped and caromed off the oven door with a ping as they plummeted to the floor with a very loud thud.
“Ow…” Candace rolled off the broken chair and looked over at her girlfriend, who sat on the floor leaning against the oven; her face was covered with tears, but she was laughing and sported a silly grin.
“What?” Candace slapped Kyra’s knee.
“I… I guess I’ve really fallen for you.” She rolled over onto the floor and laughed hysterically, her eyes closed. A moment later she felt the soft weight of her lover slip atop her body, hands caressing and patting and pinching and stroking gently.
“I love you.” Candace said before she resumed kissing her lover and soon to be fiancee’ if she could just get the courage to speak. Kyra cooed softly as she enjoyed Candace’ attention.
“M…Mmmmm.” Kyra moaned, and Candace responded with a cooing sing-song voice.
“Mmmm….to you, too.” Candace thought she echoed until Kyra tried to speak.
“MMMM!” She wasn’t able to manage more than that with Candace’ lips placed firmly against hers. She reached up and grabbed the girl’s face with both hands, firmly but gently pushing it away long enough to blurt out,
“Marry me!”
Amaryllis Jewelers, Baltimore Maryland...that same day...
Maybe a great magnet pulls
All souls towards truth
Or maybe it is life itself
Leads wisdom
To its youth
Constant craving
Has always been
Keith looked around nervously at the array of jewelry in the displays. He felt for some strange and entirely ignorant reason that the ring had to be more special than just an engagement ring; that somehow his commitment to Debbie went beyond their love into some acknowledgement of her ‘status.’ Even after spending time with her over the past several months, he still remained clueless in that regard. One thing was absolutely sure, even if he didn’t get the details right…he loved her more than anything, and it was really him just trying too hard instead of listening to what she said.
“Decided yet, sir?” The girl behind the display case teased. Between today and the past three days, he had spent nearly three hours mulling over which ring to buy. The girl finally took pity on him and said quietly,
“You probably need to think about the girl first, and the ring will follow.”
“I’m not following you… think about the girl?” Keith looked down at the rings in the display case and they again at the sales girl…”Judy.” She actually resembled the elf in The Santa Clause.
“What kind of girl is she? Does she love jewelry or is she the kind of girl who wears it out of necessity? Does she like simple or exravagant? What kind of personality is she; vivacious? Reserved? Shy? Carefree? Think about the girl and the ring will follow."
He stood there for a moment and stared down at the array of rings; not just single rings, but sets of engagement rings and matching wedding bands. He swallowed hard at the thought of engagement and marriage; he wasn’t afraid of getting married so much as wondering if he’d make a suitable husband. He thought of the years of ignorance and lost opportunities to be kind and caring, and he felt ashamed. And well he should, apart from the fact that he had asked for and received forgiveness from those he hurt. And he thought about Debbie…how she would see him was just as important as how he had come to see her.
“See anything that suits her?” Judy smiled and pointed to the case. “No hurry. Alice and I are having lunch delivered…can I get you anything?” She teased.
“That one!” He pointed to the ring in the far corner of the display case; it was almost like a wallflower at the senior prom, so separated it was from the others. But it was also set apart because it was special; earmarked just for him to discover. Judy opened the case from the back and grabbed the small box and handed it to Keith.
“This one is so perfect, I bet, because she’s such a special girl to you. I’d guess it took a while to decide to ask her…you don’t feel you’re good enough, right? I’ve seen that look plenty of times. You know…” She paused.
“What’s your name?” She smiled at him and he practically whispered,
“Keith.”
“You know, Keith…wanting to be perfect is a nice thought, but no one ever reaches that…at least in this lifetime. But that you feel unworthy? She’s a lucky girl to have you. I can see that. I’m sure she’ll love this…it took a lot of thought and a lot of care.” She smiled again as he reached for his wallet and pulled out the credit card.
“Oooh…I just remembered…today is ‘I can’t decide because she’s just such a wonderful girl discount day!’ 20% off! And it also comes with a free complete dinner voucher for two at Pazo’s over on Alicannas.” She smiled.
“Really, wow…I really lucked out.” He laughed softly but his expression turned puzzled when she started to laugh.
“Not really, Keith. Debbie and I went to high school together. She was my brother’s best friend growing up until she hit high school and realized she wasn’t cut out for shirts and ties. Oh, and Pazo’s is my cousin’s restaurant. Tell Tony that Judy says she’ll get him wholesale on anything he likes if he introduces me to Joey Flacco, okay?”
“He knows Joey Flacco? Oh gosh… you and Debbie are friends?”
“BFF! And the ring… It’s my gift to you and Debbie, okay…” She sighed and looked at her bare ring finger.
“I would think working at WMAR that you’d know Joey Flacco…Hall of Fame…Super Bowl and all. Anyway, c’mere and give me a hug. I’m so happy for you two.”
Keith walked over to the end of the counter and Judy hugged him.
“God bless you two, okay?”
Back at the apartment...
Kyra had managed to extricate herself from under Candace, who by then had fallen sideways and was lying on the floor beside her. She stood up and then helped Candace to her feet. The girl’s face told Kyra everything she needed to know, but Candace quickly followed with a kiss and a hug, along with a big,
“Yes!”
Craving
Ah ha
Constant craving
Has always been
Finale: Here Come The Brides...
And who can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
only time
Somewhere on the western shore of the Chesapeake River in Maryland…
“Oh, God, Keith…it’s beautiful.” Debbie said as her soft alto voice hit the rare soprano range with “beautiful. She stared at the ring in the jeweler’s box and began to cry.
“I realized two things yesterday when I talked to your friend. One I was already aware of, and one was brand new. He smiled as he gently lifted her left hand, pushing the ring onto Debbie’s finger.
“I know that I’m not at all able to be the perfect husband…because I’m far from perfect.” He sighed as tears came to his own eyes.
“But I also learned that I don’t have to be perfect; I just have to be willing to do whatever it takes to be the best husband I can be.”
Debbie started to cry harder. Her mother would have at one time almost demanded that it would be ‘her’ that would be the perfect husband, but her transition train picked up three passengers only a few years ago as her mother and father and brother finally realized just what a wonderful woman their son and brother actually was.
“Do you know what I love about you?” Keith asked as he kissed her hand; his tears hit the gem in the middle of the ring and the prism of the facets caused them to appear almost like a rainbow.
“What?” Debbie remained understandably insecure, and knowing what he loved would help her duplicate it. He smiled at her and said,
“Nothing…..and everything. Honey…you don’t have to earn my love. You don’t have to perform…You just have to be. I love you so much.” He choked back a sob with the last words before drawing her closer for a kiss; their tears mingled together as they celebrated their first engagement kiss.
Who can say
where the road goes
where the day flows
only time
The girl’s apartment…several weeks later…
Kyra’s voice came softly from the bedroom as she sang while she folded clothes. Candace came up from behind and whispered,
“I don’t know…” Kyra turned quickly with a start.
“What…what don’t you know?”
“The song…you were singing…I really don’t know who can say….I just know that at the end of the day….you’re here…for me.” She leaned into Kyra’s shoulder and kissed her neck gently.
“And who can say if your love grows?” Kyra sang; tilting her head backs as Candace began to move up her neck toward her ear. She shuddered as her lover’s eyelashes brushed her lobe.
“Mine has…” Candace whispered again.
“I know…” Kyra shuddered again. She smiled, but she pulled away, leaving Candace as she shook her head and returned to the laundry.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing…it’s just that we have to get the place ready for Janet and Cal and my Mom, too.” She shrugged her shoulders, but her expression seemed almost sad.
“I know…but that’s not what’s going on here.” Candace shook her head slightly and finished, “Is it?”
“No…yes? Oh, I don’t know. I’m just…”
“Is it because of tomorrow?” Candace looked over at the picture on the faux fireplace mantel. A picture of a woman…in
a bed with Candace and her mom Janet on either side. The woman appeared weak, but her smile was warm and inviting.
“It’s been eleven years, you know? I see that picture and it makes me… “
“She came to us when she was so near the end…it was a miracle you guys even got there…”
“Don’t try to explain it, okay?” Kyra snapped and turned her back and began to toss the folded tees and underwear back in the basket.
“I’m sorry…I just….” Candace wanted things to be different, but Kyra and Keith both only had a day with their…what to even call her…Carla? Ms. Schroeder? Their other mother?
“He…You had all that time to get to know her, and I only met her once…the day she died, damn it. I only remember her as my father. I was eleven years old, Cee, you know…” She said over her shoulder before returning the clothes.
“Look…I understand.”
“Do you? I suppose you do have a right to talk, with the way your step-father and mother treated you…but that’s just it. You never had what I had. He was my fucking father, and he left us…I cried every week for a whole year before you guys came and got us…And I cried every night for a year after he died…I don’t know how to put it, Cee. Sure…she was a woman, I guess, but…”
“You guess? What does that make me?”
“What?” Kyra turned around and blinked out the tears that blurred her view of Candace, who was red-faced and shaking.
“If you don’t know if she was a woman? What does that make me? I had…I thought you understood…I guess you don’t.” Candace shook her head once before running down the hall and slamming the door.
And who can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
only time
“Cee…Candace? Come on…open the door.”
“Go away…just go away.”
“I didn’t mean it that way…we just have to talk more?”
“Really…oh yeah…that’s great. Look how well we’ve done already.” Candace said before sobbing.
“Cee…come on…you know what I meant….Okay…you didn’t, but I didn’t mean it that way. Would I even be here if I didn’t care about you?” Kyra leaned against the door with her cheek against the top panel and her palm resting on the door frame.
“I didn’t say you didn’t love me, Ky…I know you love me…but do you understand me? Who I am…what I am…” Candace choked back a sob.
“I’m just like your dad… and you’ve know me longer than you knew him…longer than you knew her…don’t you get it? When you say stuff like that it hurts…like I’m some sort of substitute like Sweet n’ Low.”
“That’s just it, Cee… I do get it…Because I got the chance to know you…to know who you are. I already know what you are…you’re a woman, just like me. Think back…Keith has his own apartment…I wasn’t in the way there, but I chose to move here when you had the opening. Why would I do that…Why, Candace?” Kyra raised her voice but still managed to avoid yelling.
“I don’t know…you tell me!” Candace shot back, and her tone was mixed with anger and sadness.
“I wanted to be near you. I’ve done nothing but think about you for the past ten years. Oh sure, I had girlfriends and such…and even dated a guy for a while, but none of them approached you. The kindness you and your mom showed my family in the midst of your own grief. You knew my dad as a woman I only got to meet briefly…you touched her heart in a way I can only imagine. And she was better for it, even if it only lasted for a short time.
“You mean that…” Candace sobbed.
“I love you more than anything else in the whole world, Cee…We never grew up together and I never kissed you until now, but in a big way, you’ve always been my childhood sweetheart. A Damsel in Shining Armor, I suppose.”
“You…you mean that?” Candace said haltingly as her sobs grew softer.
“You open this door and I’ll show you, okay?” Kyra laughed out of frustration, but she so longed to show Candace how much she cared. Candace still had walls around her from her childhood that only Janet had been able to break through, and only to a point.
“Let me in, Cee, please.” Kyra banged on the doorframe with her palm, twisting her wrist.
“Ow…” She cried out and then began to cry. She slumped down to the floor, her head still resting against the door. She kept crying until she heard a click as the lock turned and the door opened. Candace dropped to the floor and threw her arms around Kyra, kissing her repeatedly.
“I’m so sorry…” Over and over, she kept saying it; all the while continuing to kiss Kyra.
“I’m sorry, too, Cee…” Kyra said quietly between hugs before kissing back.
Who can say
why your heart sighs
as your love flies
only time
And who can say
why your heart cries
when your love lies
only time
A few weeks later...
“Who gives this woman in marriage?” The grandfatherly looking man on the platform asked with a big smile. Janet and Cal stepped forward, placing their hands on Candace’s shoulder.
“We do.”
The minister nodded with a grin before turning his attention to the other side of the aisle.
“And who gives this woman in marriage?” He smiled as Kyra’s mother and step-father drew close and said,
“We do,” Margo said. She squeezed her husband’s hand with a nod as her right hand swept back to point at the empty seat in the front row where a picture of a woman leaned against the back rest of the chair. Kyra stared at the photo of her other parent, the father she loved forever who was Carla Schroeder, the woman who she was coming to know through the memories of others. She sobbed once before composing herself as Candace reached over and grabbed her hand.
“May we have the rings please?” The reverend grandpa said softly. Keith stepped forward and handed a ring to Kyra while Debbie, the most recently married Mrs. Debbie Schroeder, handed her the ring. The minister nodded again and Kyra and Candace sang the first part of their vows, a duet that posed a rhetorical question…
WWho can say
if your love grows
as your heart chose
only time
And who can say
where the road goes
where the day flows
only time
“I, Candace, give you, Kyra, all my love and support…as much as I can whenever I can. I love you, and I vow to treasure you and keep you in my heart.
I, Kyra, give you, Candace, the same love back as we reflect our care and support. I love you more than life it self, and I pray that I can be for you what you have already become for me; my dear love.
“Insofar as these two have expressed their commitment to each other, and as witnessed by these wonderful families and you lovely people, I, by the power vested in me by God and the state of acceptance and love, pronounce these two married, despite whatever ordinances and customs might say to the contrary. You two may go ahead…I suppose it still is in form and makes sense to say,
“You each may kiss the Bride,“ he laughed softly as Kyra and Candace kissed…as only two women in love can.
Who can say
when the roads meet
that love might be
in your heart
And who can say
when the day sleeps
if the night keeps
all your heart
Night keeps all your heart
Who knows - only time
Who knows - only time
These Are the Days
As Performed by Natalie Merchant
Words and Music by Natalie Merchant
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b3NIMz8EtwY
Crush
Words and Music by
Kenny Gioia and Shep Goodman
as performed by
Mandy Moore
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKDh9Om4KPw
Constant Craving
Words and music by
K.D. Lang and Ben Mink
As perfomed by K.D. Lang
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oaHZNTd-YVY
