Salvation - the Novella | BigCloset TopShelf

Salvation

Danny was living his own private hell, but soon he’d find salvation

You’re Just Like Your Mother

The Semi-finals…

“Argento dives into the hole behind second base, but has no play. Wait...he flipped it out of his glove backhand and the runner is out at second. That’s it....The Hawks win the semis. His teammates run to Smith, the pitcher, and celebrate. Smith pitches a one hitter for his eighth win of the season." The announcer shouted over the loud speaker.

The crowd quickly began to empty the stands. Danny looked in vain for his mother, who probably got stuck in traffic after work. She attended almost all of his games, but couldn’t break away for this one. She’d be at the championship, since it was on Saturday.

"Hey...Argento...nice play. Too bad you stunk up the plate," Johansen, the first base coach shouted over the crowd noise. Typical baseball banter, you might think. But the coach was sincerely cruel in his taunts. The regular shortstop, Calliente, was recovering from a strained hammy, and would be back by Saturday to claim his spot on the field. Danny would be relegated once again to the end of the bench, with the likelihood of remaining there, since he was just an afterthought to the rest of the team.

"Danny," the head coach said. "Don’t mind Johansen...he’s just teasing." Mr. Garibaldi tried to encourage Danny, but Johansen was only saying what the rest of the team thought.

"Be ready for the seventh on Saturday," the coach said. Collier, the regular back-up, was at an interview at Penn State, being the number two pitcher as well. The chances of Danny getting into the game were slim and none.

"That’s okay, Coach G. I understand."

Baseball was pretty much it for Danny in the activity department. He was almost a whopping 132 pounds "soaking" wet, and could hit for average, given a chance. He fielded well, and could be counted on to perform when he got to play, which was rare.

"I’m sure the girl’s would appreciate you more on the softball team," Coach Johansen had teased. "How well do you keep score?" What hurt the most was that Johansen was also his dad’s step-brother. Uncle Jack didn’t have any respect for his nephew, following along in his brother’s footsteps by ragging Danny without mercy. Jerry, Danny’s dad, would have continued his own relentless abuse of his son had he survived the impact that he sustained after flying through his windshield after one too many shots of Jim Beam. While he was alive, he had accomplished two things. He had destroyed whatever relationship he had with his wife, and he pretty much wrecked Danny’s "ego strength;’ as the experts say.

Danny had no friends, and his only family consisted of his mom and the family dog, both of whom loved him. Uncle Jack, despite pleas from Grace, Danny’s mom, continued the family tradition of drinking while driving. He was a frustrated athlete himself, the product of a blown ACL sustained during a tumble down the knoll behind the high school after too much Budweiser.

"You are such a wuss," Uncle Jack said all too often. "Your mother should have had a girl...the bitch. You are just like her" Jack blamed Grace for his brother’s death, as she had not had the foresight to get out of her hospital bed after the last accident to prevent the next and final one Jerry would have. "You know, Danny, you’re just like your mother...Danny..? Hmmm. How about I start calling you Danielle? And he did...in front of the team. It took several warnings from Coach G for him to stop. At least in public. Jack continued his abuse when Coach G. was out of earshot.

Danny looked forward to Saturday when, victory or no, the season would finally come to a merciful halt. Jack had long ago ceased to come over, and Danny’s contact with his uncle would likely come to an end as well, since he planned to skip baseball next year.

Danny was having one of those introspective days we all experience much to our discomfort. His self-talk had degenerated into self-condemnation, and he had nothing to look forward to for the rest of the day except for boredom and his normal, everyday, wish-they-would-go-away feelings of doubt and hurt. He had no ride home, since his teammates had long abandoned him after the game. His celebration would consist of a nice stroll of about seventeen blocks to his house, since his mother would likely be working until well past midnight. She was an accountant...a senior one at that. He remembered that morning.

"It’s the end of the month, and Phil expects all of the work on his desk by 9 tomorrow." She handed him a twenty and kissed him on the forehead as she hurried out the door.

"I’ll try to make your game, but I can’t promise anything. In fact, I might have to stay past midnight, and if that’s the case, I’ll just grab a room at the Red Roof across the street. Get some pizza and have a good night. I love you," Grace said as she backed the car into the street and drove off. Danny’s game had finished at two, and the walk took him almost a half-hour, which left him and his dog Scooter the rest of the day and all night to watch cable or read a book.

What a life!

Danny got out of the shower. He grabbed his bathrobe, put it on, and walked back down the hall to his bedroom. He walked into the room and over to his bed, where the laundry basket sat where he had left it. Danny helped his mother wherever and whenever he could. His dad left virtually nothing in the way of help, so his mother worked at her regular job and did accounting work on the side. He did almost all of the housework, which made him a wuss in his uncle’s eyes.

What a jackass. His dad did as much as he could in the way of male-role-model by insisting Grace wait on him hand-and-foot, despite her full-time job and his inability to stay employed. The thing was...Danny didn’t hate his Dad, even after his abuse...even after his treatment of Danny’s mother. She was no doormat, to be sure. But she had forgiven Jack last year. "A birthday gift for your fifteenth, honey," Grace had told him. The playstation3 was enough, but that? How generous.

"Danny, you have to forgive your father. If you don’t everything good about you will die inside. Your Dad will have won."

It took nearly six months, but it finally sunk in. His mother told him about something she had read: "Holding in resentment is like me drinkin’ a bottle of poison and expectin’ the other guy to drop dead." Grace had demonstrated a great deal of patience and forebearance, but much more so, she loved her husband. Not a codependent or permissive love, but a true love that hopes all things, bears all things. She wasn’t named Grace for nothing, and her abiding faith is what helped Danny turn the corner.

But that pesky "ego-strength!" He had forgiven his dad, but the damage was done. Years of abuse destroyed most of what confidence he had, and his uncle and his teammates finished the job. Years of having his male self destroyed by his dad and uncle pushed him in a way he never would have thought to travel. (Don’t read ahead; I promise you everything turns out okay in the end.)

Danny poured the clothes onto the bed, looking for a pair of underwear.

Rummaging through the pile, he found what he thought he was looking for, but when he picked them up, he noticed that he had grabbed his mother’s undies, instead. He had held his mother’s clothing before, being responsible for laundry on most days. This time was different. Whether he was over-tired or just worn out from his uncle’s teasing, he probably couldn’t say, even now. But his hand seemed to refuse to release its grip, and he held the soft, smooth panties in his hand for nearly a minute. It was only a moment, really, but it would turn out to be a pivotal moment in his life.

Nothing really wrong with what he chose to do next. Certainly it wasn’t wrong for him, but it would take a long time before he figured that out, as some of you may have found out as well.

For the entire time he walked home, his uncle’s taunts rang horribly in his ears. Had he a friend to talk to, a person to trust, he would have discovered that it is entirely appropriate to be known as someone who was "just like" his mother.

But he had no friend, no support, and no understanding whatsoever about how he felt about himself and his world.

He was lying on his bed, face down, fast asleep. Tears of shame moistened his cheek, along with some spittle that had oozed out of his mouth after he cried himself to sleep. It really does happen, all too frequently, I might add. To be so exhausted after wrestling with inner demons and outer condemnation. The phone woke him with a start.

"Honey, I just called to see how your game went. Did you play?" His mother would have hugged him had she been home, but he probably would have pushed her away, less from his usual embarrassment as a teenage boy and more from the guilt and shame that plagued him.

"HH..hi, Mom…Oh, the game… Yeah, we won. Joey Calliente is still laid up with his hammy, and Bobby Collier was just away for his interview, so I had my moment in the sun."

"Honey, they should let you play more." Grace hid her anger well. She knew that the team could give him more playing time but for her idiot brother-in-law. She thought of her anger, asked for forgiveness and continued. "You just need a chance."

"Not gonna happen, Mom. Saturday’s the final, and Uncle Jack told me that he’d sooner play Hansen than me if it came to that." Hansen was the highly talented computer geek who kept score for the team. A nice enough kid in his own right, and probably destined to own a Fortune 500 company some day, but he had as much coordination as a cow on ice.

Grace changed the subject quickly, not wanting to make a difficult day any worse for her son.

"I’ll be home tomorrow…it’s pretty late, and the drive is just too much. Maybe we can go out for brunch when I get home." The drive was nearly twenty miles, and it was already 10:30 without any end in sight.

"That’s okay, mom, I’ll be fine until tomorrow, I promise. Scooter’s looking at me like I should be feeding him for the umpteenth time today. I guess I’ll talk to you tomorrow."

"Okay, honey…you’re alright?"

"I’m fine," Danny said, more in trying to convince himself than his mother.

"Okay, honey…I love you so much!" Grace said and hung up.

She sat at her desk, and tears filled her eyes. Many of you may know that when someone tells you that they’re fine, it can often be an indication that they are not fine at all. Grace closed her eyes and prayed. Opening her eyes, she looked up and said, "Please take care of my boy."

Danny walked down the hallway, almost absentmindedly. He was cold, and a moment later realized why. He looked down and realized he wasn’t wearing any pants. No shirt or socks, for that matter. Scooter looked at him as if to say, "You should get dressed." Then Danny realized something else. Running down the hall, he ran into the bathroom. He took off the garment and threw it in the hamper. Grabbing a towel, he ran back into his bedroom. He looked in the mirror, and despised the sight before him. The boy in the mirror cursed him as being weak…you should just quit trying. He looked back at the boy and stared blankly. He had no argument, no excuse. He turned and walked to his dresser. Pulling out some PJ’s, he put them on. Sometimes we return to something uncomfortable, even if it hurts, because it’s familiar. He fell on the bed, trying hard not to duplicate his all-too-unwelcome habit, but he started sobbing, and soon was fast asleep.

The next day came and went. He and his mother went to the diner for a late breakfast after her return from work. She had the day off, now that the month’s figures were in, and her report was on her supervisor’s desk as promised. They spent the afternoon watching TV. A light dinner was followed quickly by an early bedtime for all, including Scooter, who fell asleep on the bed at Danny’s feet.

It would be wonderful to report that Calliente never recovered from his injury (not wishing any harm on him, mind you.)

It would be fantastic to tell you that Collier didn’t play because he was saving himself for summer ball. But it would be lie; a creative story inserted as a device to relieve dramatic tension. Danny’s team absolutely destroyed the other guys, and he only got off the bench to cheer and to shake his teammates’ hands at the end of the game.

"You woulda screwed up," his uncle slurred as he lamely shook Danny’s hand. The family favorite, Mr. Beam, was redolent on his breath. Grace was in earshot, and broke a record for getting down from the bleachers. She ran up to Jack and with as much force as she possibly could manage, slapped him in the face. For probably only the second time in her lifetime, Grace swore.

"You bastard! You pathetic…" Like a tigress protecting her cub, she reared back, ready to hit him again. "You worthless piece of trash." Grace later would write a letter of apology to her brother-in-law, asking for his forgiveness for her anger. She also wrote that he needn’t bother to call or stop by, as he was unwelcome unless he got some help for his drinking and apologized for his own behavior.

Jack, for his part, did neither, and never saw much of them again, apart from the odd and awkward moments at the A&P or the pharmacy. Danny managed to hold it together until he got in the house. He might have been embarrassed by his mother’s behavior, such as it was, except the shame of his uncle’s words in front of everyone made her actions pale in comparison. And he could never get angry at her anyway. Walking into living room, Grace noticed that Danny was sitting by the front window, staring blankly, perhaps looking for some salvation of sorts. His salvation would come later, in several ways, and not a moment too soon. But not today.

"Honey….I am so sorry. Please forgive me." Grace stood by her son, her arms beginning to open in welcome.

"Mom…it’s not your fault…he had it coming. He’s so…" Danny tried to keep it together, but failed. Danny didn’t know, and maybe some of you don’t either, but men and boys should be expected to cry when they have been humiliated in front of three hundred people, and especially when it’s at the hands of family. No shame whatsoever, but Danny was incapable of separating normal behavior from the shame and guilt he suffered. He fell on the floor, sobbing so hard that his shoulders convulsed. Grace fell to the floor and took him into her arms. She began to weep, her words nearly drowned by her own sobs.

"God, help my boy…Please help my boy."

"I know it’s only a few days, but I worry about you." Grace regretted her words the moment they left her mouth. She had tried to encourage Danny, and all the more after his humiliation the week before. "It’s just me, I’m sure that most moms feel this way when they have to leave their family." The Pittsburgh branch was doing an internal audit, and they wanted someone from her office to help out, so she was going to be gone until Sunday.

"I’ll be alright. There’s plenty of food to cook and I haven’t forgotten how to call Little Sicily if I forget how to microwave," Danny kidded as he ushered his mom out the door. "Try to relax and enjoy yourself while I’m gone. I love you, sweet heart," Grace said as she got in the car. "Love you," she said once again as she drove away.

Tuesday evening came and went without event. After a normal day of banal discussions and mind-numbing lectures, Danny arrived home from school.

He went straight to the bathroom and took a shower. Grabbing his robe, he walked to his bedroom like he always did. Passing the mirror on the closet door, he noticed the boy had returned. He was still angry and still mocking.

"Go away," he heard himself say. "Please go away." He pled with the image, but the image looked back as if to mock him.

"You ARE just like your mother. Hey…maybe your uncle was right…maybe she should have had a girl. Maybe you should be a girl." Danny grabbed a baseball from his dresser. He threw the ball at the boy, but the ball slipped out of his hand and hit the mirror frame, falling harmlessly to the floor. Anyone upset from insults with moist hands after taking a shower would have missed, even that close. But the boy taunted him again.

"You might as well be a girl…you throw like one. They were right..You GIRL!" Once again, after years of abuse and neglect from family members, anyone would be confused and hurt, and might take actions and make decisions that they might otherwise not considered.

"Maybe you’re right…."

For the fifth time in nine days, Danny cried himself to sleep. He was wrought with hurt, and he cried so hard at times it was physically painful. He had nowhere to turn and no one to talk to. Years later Danny would remind his children that you always have someone to talk to, and he would point upward. But God seemed so far away back then.

He turned from the mirror and walked quickly into the bedroom beside his. His anger and shame pushed him through the door, and he was actually cursing himself. He trembled as he opened the dresser and removed the clothes. He had no care for neatness. He’d take care of that later, since he was going to be alone for another five days. He looked at the clothes in his hand and said angrily to himself,

"I’ll show them."

The room was dark. The afternoon had come and gone, and the figure slept fitfully in the large bed. A basset hound sat at the foot of the bed, waiting patiently. The figure woke and noticed at once the darkness in the room. Getting up slowly, the figure walked over to the door and turned on the light. The closet door was ajar, but was closed just enough to reveal the mirror hung in front. The figure turned with a start, still oriented from too much and not enough sleep. Oh, the figure thought, it’s just a mirror. The figure walked over to close the closet door and saw the image look back. In the mirror was a girl, about fifteen, who had black hair, which was cut way too short for any teenage girl. It was odd, because it looked like she was only wearing underwear. A grey satin bra and panties and a half-slip.

Nothing on her feet, and she wore no makeup save for a little lip gloss. She seemed nice enough, but she was staring at the figure. Something about her was familiar, but the figure couldn’t place just what. The dog came over and looked up at the figure and stared. His tail wagged with recognition as the figure looked down and said,

"Hey Scooter…hey boy." The girl in the mirror mouthed the same words, as if she knew what the figure was going to say.

The figure stared once again at the girl as both eyes widened in recognition. The figure looked at the girl once again, and biting his tongue, said,

"No…nooo!" Ripping off the clothes, Danny ran out of the room, filled with fear and shame. He threw himself on the bed and wept bitterly, wishing for all the world that he…that HE had never been born.

"Honey? Danny?" Grace opened the front door, finding the whole house dark except for a light from down the hallway. Walking down the hall, she noticed that the light came from her room. Danny’s door was closed, and Scooter was lying in the doorway, tail twitching in peaceful doggie sleep. She was about to knock on his door when she saw the pile of clothes on her bed and on the floor.

"What…." She said as she picked up the slip and underwear from the floor.

The slip was torn, and the panties and bra were stretched, as if someone had worn them. She didn’t know what to expect, but she had her suspicions. She walked over to Danny’s door and went to knock but once again thought better of it. She had left Pittsburgh early. Their system had crashed, and it wouldn’t be ready at least until Saturday afternoon, so she came home. Since her conversation with Danny, her heart had ached for him. He was suffering so much, and she knew he wasn’t "fine;" not by a long shot. She nudged Scooter out of the way with her foot, and he rolled over with a soft moan.
Entering the room, she noticed it was partly illuminated by the neighbor’s porch light. The closet mirror reflected the light and revealed the broken frame as well as the shards of glass on the floor. She walked over to the bed and looked down at her sleeping son. He was covered in sweat, a blanket partially draped over his form.

Grace leaned over, not knowing what she would do next. She kissed him on the head, and went to stand up. His pillow was soaked, and she knew he had been crying again…the gut-wrenching cries that kept her awake at night in prayer. And then she noticed the one thing that confirmed her suspicions. His head was lying sideways on the pillow, partly exposing his pink glossy lips.

Grace then did the only thing she could, which was also the best thing she could do…she dropped to her knees at her son’s bedside and prayed,

"God…please help my boy." She cried and she cried out to God, not for what she discovered. Things like this didn’t bother her. Boys sometimes doe things like this…

"And even if he does, he’s my boy…" She wept because she loved him, and she could see something was tearing him apart.

Maybe this was what was causing him so much guilt…but maybe this was what was going to make that hurt go away. "Help my boy," she cried softly as she left the room.

She walked into her bedroom, she shut the door quietly and turned off the light, but not until after Scooter had jumped on her bed. She kicked off her shoes and took off her jacket, but climbed into bed clothed. She reached over to the nightstand and switched on the lamp. She grabbed her Bible and began to read…."Therefore…no…condemnation……" She closed it and turned out the light. Putting her head on the pillow, she cried herself softly to sleep, with tears of comfort and encouragement as she mouthed,

"Help my boy."

Despair

"Honey, the doorbell rang, and I’ve got my hands full with Scooter," Grace said from the bathroom. Scooter being their basset hound, who was in the midst of his monthly bath.

"Okay, mom," Danny called from the back porch. He put down the recycle bin and walked into the house. He opened the door, and standing before him was the most beautiful girl in the world...at least to him. She was about sixteen, and she stood about an inch taller than him. Her dark brown hair was pulled back into a pony tail, and her face was adorned with the cutest dimples, which seemed to grow prettier when she smiled, which she was doing at that moment.

"Excuse me, is this the Argento household?" She said with a lovely, Katie Couric-like lisp. "Yeah...Yes," Danny stammered, trying to sound polite. He was so taken aback by her that he failed to grasp the meaning of the next question.

"That’s great...Is your sister at home?" she asked.

"No...She’s not." Danny continued to be enamored enough so as to miss the meaning of the question once again.

"Danny...Who’s at the door?" Grace called from the bathroom.

"There’s a girl here asking if my sister is at home." The implications of the girl’s request came immediately to both Grace and Danny.

"I don’t have a sister." Danny said even as his mother was saying from down the hall, "You don’t have a sister." Grace was laughing at Danny’s lapse in memory, however Danny was not. His cheeks turned crimson as he apologized.

"I’m sorry...I don’t have a sister."

The girl apologized as well, saying,

"I’m so sorry, I must have gotten the address wrong," she said, although the paper in her hand said otherwise.

"I’m looking for a Danielle Argento. Do you have a cousin by that name?"

Grace walked into the living room and rescued her son, whose face was trying very hard to grow a darker red, if that were possible.

"Both of Danny’s cousins are boys, and they live out of state." Grace said, as she wiped her hands with a towel.

Scooter peeked out from behind her legs, his tail wagging.

"There must be some mistake...The application says ‘Danielle Argento, 27 Clearview Terrace.’ Am I at the wrong address?" The girl looked at the paper and then back at the brass number 27 hanging on the front door.

Danny had made some progress in mending his fragile ego with the help of his mother, but this was way too much for him to handle. They were still looking for a counselor for both of them, but had no success up to that point. He looked at the girl for the last time, thinking that it would be THE last time. He turned around and walked to his room, and slammed the door.

"I am so sorry to bother you folks. I must have messed this up."

"No, you didn’t do anything wrong, sweetheart" (She was a real sweetheart in the sweetest sense of the word.) "You didn’t ‘mess’ anything up, but I think I know who did," Marie said with a hint of anger in her voice.

"I don’t understand. Oh, excuse me, I’m sorry," the girl said offering her hand.

"I’m Linda Sorrento. I’m from Central High. I have a program the school is helping me with. We visit the kid’s oncology ward and read to them and play games. I...someone filled out an application to participate. Usually the school lets anyone get involved in the clubs and stuff, but they only want people who are committed so the kids don’t get let down..You know. Anyway, the application is filled out for a Danielle Argento at this address." Even as she said the words, a slight pink hue began to fill her cheeks.

"Oh no...I am so sorry."

"Not as sorry as someone I know is going to be when I get a hold of him."

"Jack," Grace said. Her tone was firm but controlled, as she resisted calling her brother-in-law every expletive in the book. It is hard to maintain an attitude of forgiveness when the offender continues to offend. If it were her alone, she would have written it off, but Danny’s uncle had made it his mission in life to make his nephew miserable. Danny had constantly been teased by Jack. Never a big kid, Danny had suffered endless taunting about his stature from his uncle and other kids. It got so bad that Danny chose not to stay on the high school baseball team for his junior year.

Jack was the assistant coach, and had the full approval and participation from some of Danny’s teammates for his bullying behavior."

"Gracie." (She hated it when he called her that.) "What’s the big deal...it’s just a joke."

Jack stood at his doorway, his arms spread wide as if to plead his case."

Uttering the word for only the third time in her life (yes, only three), Grace got in Jack’s face and said,

"Jack, you bastard! This is the last time. I mean it." She thrust a paper into his hands.

"What’s this?" Jack started to protest, but Grace cut him off.

"Don’t you take that tone with me, you bastard!" (That’s four, if you’re counting.)

"This is a restraining order, and don’t interrupt you moron!" (Not so bad, but still uncharacteristic for Grace.) You are not to call me or my son for any reason whatsoever. If you come within a hundred yards of me or my son, either at home or anywhere else, I will have you arrested. I have already talked to Coach G. We’ll keep the board of Ed out of this unless I have to take it to the next level. If I hear so much as a peep out of you or your moronic lemmings on the team, you will...I repeat you WILL lose your coaching job. Do I make myself clear?" Grace was not at all embarrassed, but her face turned crimson nonetheless. Before Jack had a chance to answer, Grace had walked to her car. "Not once."

She said and then drove off.

A knock at her door caused Gina Sorrento...excuse me, Gina Sorrento KELLY, to look up from her crossword puzzle (New York Times Sunday...in ink) to see a familiar holding onto the doorframe and peeking in.

"Aunt Gina? Got a sec?"

"Sweetie…for you, anything," Gina said as she smiled. She pointed to the chair opposite her. "What’s up?"

The pretty girl sat down and looked at her. She was really a second cousin, but they had the same last name and enjoyed the same relationship any aunt and niece would have. She attended the high school, which was adjacent to the middle school.

"There’s this boy..." Linda began. Gina started to grin, but Linda cut her off.

"Don’t go any further...it’s something else entirely!" (Actually, that was a slight fib, because there was just a little bit else going on.)

"I went to talk with a girl in your neighborhood....actually a boy..." She corrected herself, but was confused enough to say again, "NO, make that a girl."

Gina looked at Linda with a puzzled expression. "A boy and a girl? A boy or a girl?"

"Both, sorta. No, that’s not right. I was getting caught up with the visiting recruitment after I left your house Saturday. A girl had signed up, and since she lived around the corner from you, I figured I’d stop by and introduce myself."

"So," Gina said in her "wise counselor" voice. "She has a brother."

"Yes...no. I mean..." Linda was trying to speak, but the whole situation was confusing.

"Someone signed her up for the program without telling her!"

"So she doesn’t want to participate."

"She can’t participate because she is a he!"

"What?" Gina thought she knew where this was going. (She really didn’t, but then again she actually did, without knowing she did. Confused? This writer is.)

"His name is Danny...he was on the baseball team. One of his teammates signed him up as Danielle. His uncle...he’s so mean. He coaches the team and he uses the guys to pick on him...his own nephew." She had overheard some girls laughing and joking with one of his teammates.

Gina knew Jack Johansen from faculty meetings. While Gina was a loving and forgiving person much like Danny’s mother,

Gina had no problem saying to herself,

"What a bastard!" Jack was an obnoxious jerk as far as she was concerned; an opinion shared by not a few members of the faculty and by all of the women staff. He even tried to proposition her AFTER she got married. Trying with some success to separate her feelings from the situation, she asked,

"And you want me to help you with what, honey?"

"I don’t know what to do, but I want to help him...he seemed so...lost."

To be serious, Linda was every bit as perceptive and compassionate as her favorite aunt...it was probably Gina’s example that inspired Linda to help start the visitation program. She probably (read highly likely) was somewhat maybe interested in Danny, but she really did want to help.

"I’m not sure what the next step would be, sweetie, but you know...I trust you enough to know what to do, with you know Who’s help." Gina looked upward and looked back at Linda and winked. She, having a fair understanding of the first amendment, nevertheless respected the policy of the school, however misguided, and did not use you know Who’s name.

"And who’s to say that the next time you come over to see me and Ben and Rocco (Ben being her husband and Rocco being their bull terrier) that you and I can’t take a nice stroll in the neighborhood. The weather has been nice lately, and maybe your friend will being sitting on his porch.

The room was unlit, but some light peeked through the blinds. The girl sat alone on the couch, reading a magazine. She put it down.

"Sports Illustrated," she said to herself. "That’s a boy’s magazine." She walked over to the small magazine rack on the floor by the fireplace and looked through the magazines.

"Good Housekeeping...Gourmet...Victoria’s Secret Catalog." She had read the last one before, but for other reasons. She picked up a copy of Shape and walked back to the couch. After a few minutes of perusing, she threw the magazine across the room and started to cry. She didn’t know, but would find out eventually that it was entirely okay for her to read her favorite magazine...It was okay to see how the Eagles were expected to do this season...It was okay that she didn’t have to like everything her mother did, even if she did want to be just like her.

"And who have we here, my love? Why it’s just the sweetest niece a fella could have."

Ben walked over to Linda and hugged her, kissing her on the top of the head. "Rocco, look who’s here." Rocco ran past Ben and banged into Linda’s shins, his tail wagging. Tony and Amelia, Linda’s parents, were away at a couple’s retreat so she was staying overnight with Gina and Ben. She could have managed at home quite well, but she and Gina had a nice meal and a stroll around the block to attend to.

"More coffee, love?" Ben said from the kitchen. "Linda?"

"No thanks, Uncle Ben." She loved the sound of that.

"So, this boy is being teased? And by his uncle?" Ben said, but it sounded more like

"And boy his oonkle?" Ben’s accent grew thicker for only three reasons. (Yes, this writer is quite aware she said only two reasons elsewhere. ) First, when he got other Irish folk. Second, when his sister Katie was around. (Linda had not met her Aunt Katie, but would soon enough.) And third; when he was angry.

"What a sod! Oh, excuse me, what an absolutely poor example of human behavior," Ben said in his doctor’s voice. He had just completed his PhD in Children’s Psych, and was trying ever so hard to remain professional about his opinion of Danny’s uncle.

"He shouldn’t be a problem anymore. He got fired this week for drinking at the football game, and I heard he’s moving back to Pottstown." Gina said with satisfaction.

"But Danny’s still dealing with the fallout, I presume."
"I guess. I tried calling, but his mother said he doesn’t want to talk."
"Then perhaps it would be appropriate for the mountain to go to Mohammed?" Ben asked.

Danny sat on the front porch of his house. It was a beautiful day, just as Gina predicted, and Scooter would have agreed, had he the ability to talk. He wagged his tail as he jumped off the porch. He ran up to the two figures walking past the house and barked playfully. Normally, two male dogs who have never met might be confrontational, but Rocco greeted Scooter with a yip and a wag of his own tail, being the most sociable bull terrier in the greater Philadelphia area. Danny noticed the woman and the teen beside her and got up to walk into the house.

"Hi, Danny!" Linda said with a smile. How are you?"

"O...okay," he said, as he felt his cheeks grow warm.

"This is my aunt Gina. She’s a guidance counselor at the middle school, you know?"

"Yeah...yes, I heard that." Danny wanted to run into the house at that point, but as he turned, his mother came out the front door, colliding with her son. Grace collected herself and said,

"Danny, who are your friends?" She realized that she had only asked that question a handful of times.

"This is Ms. Sorrento and you’ve met her niece."

"Hi...Gina Sorrento...oh, sorry, Gina Sorrento Kelly...just got married this year." Gina pointed to her rings and grinned sheepishly.

"Grace Argento." Grace said as she extended her hand. "Glad to meet you. Would you like to come in for some ice tea?"

"Thank you, Mrs. Argento. That would be nice." Linda said. Danny smiled politely, wishing desperately that the porch would open up and swallow him whole.

They stood on the porch, saying their goodbyes. Linda really did not want to manipulate the situation, really, but nevertheless asked the awkward question,

"I really think you’d like it, so why don’t you sign up for the visitation program, anyway," she said, failing to recall just why Danielle Argento wasn’t available.

"I don’t know..." he said, his cheeks beginning to redden.

"Well, at least think about it."

"Yeah, sure, okay," Danny said reluctantly, hoping to God that she wouldn’t hold him to his promise.

"Okay...I’ll call you tomorrow," Linda said as she and Gina walked down the street.

"Honey, did you put out the trash?" Grace called from her bedroom.

"Yeah...Yes, mom. Everything’s done for the night."

"Thank you, honey. I’m going to bed early. I have a whopper of a headache.

Turn out the lights, okay? Love you, honey. I love you so much!" She always said that, regardless of what was going on, and Danny never grew tired of hearing it. He walked down the hallway, and knocked on the door. His mother was lying down, her Bible lying beside her. Walking to her bedside, he leaned over and kissed his mother on the cheek.

"I love you, too, mom." "I’m going to play some music, so do you want your door closed?"

"That would be a good idea, get the light, honey? ...thanks. Love you."

The girl stood in front of her closet door, looking at her reflection in the mirror.

She didn’t like what she saw, even though she was pretty and sweet. Her hair, short as it was, did little to change her opinion. Her makeup was simple, albeit awkwardly applied, but she did a fair job with the eye shadow and blush. Her lips were a dark pink and a little glossy. She wore a simple flower-print sleeveless shirt dress with no hose. The dress was probably more suited to someone her mother’s age, but it was all she had at the moment. She was perched almost clumsily on two inch heeled white pumps, and reached out several times for something to steady her.

"Not bad..." she thought, trying to convince herself. Actually, it wasn’t bad, considering this was the first time for heels and makeup. The clothes fit her fairly well apart from being a little "empty" upstairs. She looked again at her image in the mirror. The girl in the mirror looked self-conscious, even embarrassed. She brought her hand up to her face, her palm resting on her cheek.

"Who am I kidding...?" She said angrily to herself.

"Nobody," the girl in the mirror said back. "But it’s the best you can hope for... You aren’t a boy, after all," the girl mocked. "You’re a girl...just like your mother."

"Shut up....leave me alone," the girl said to her reflection. She grabbed at the dress, as if to tear it off. She stopped. She looked at herself again. She liked what she saw even as she hated it.

"Leave me alone...." the girl said and began to cry. She feared she’d be heard, but had no energy to stop, and gave way to sobs. Running to the bed, she threw herself into the pillow and wept bitterly while saying..."

"Leave me alone....leave me alone." Imagine the emotional equivalent of being drawn and quartered. She would wake up the next morning, trying to understand it all, but with little success. Her pillow would be stained with makeup, and she would have no explanation to her mother. What would she do? What should she do?

Grace stood outside Danny’s door, crying softly to herself and trying not to be heard.

Scooter nudged her ankles and she put her finger to her lips to silently shush him, as if he understood.
"Leave me alone..." she heard the voice cry from the other side of the door, the sobs piercing her heart like a knife.

She had almost no more energy, and her prayers seemed to fall on deaf ears.

"Please send someone...anyone...to....ttttoooo," she tried to continued, but her sobs kept the rest of her prayer from escaping her mouth. Danny lay on the bed on the other side of the door, but his own sobs kept him from hearing his mother’s cries. Neither heard each other from that point on, such was the absolute and utter pain each felt.

But Someone did hear...."Help my boy...please..." And He would send someone. In fact, He already had.

Redemption

"Come on...you'll like it, I promise." Linda said to Danny, although he thought heard, "promith." She had that slight Katie Couric lisp that some guys find attractive. Danny had signed up for the visitation program, and he and Linda were at the doorway leading to the kids’ oncology unit. Danny looked like what a dog looks like when he knows he's going to the vet. Limbs all akimbo holding onto the doorway for dear life.

Linda leaned closer to him and pinched him hard on the arm.

"Now!" she said with more than a little insistence. "They're waiting."

Walking into the ward, Danny was struck with the immensity and beauty of the children's disease. While wasting away, they nevertheless appeared angelic to him, and all of his fears melted when little girl looked past her mother and smiled.

"Go ahead, Danny...I think she likes you." You may find that when you're going through a difficult time that you may forget about the troubles of those around you. Danny's pain was real and ongoing; the result of years of verbal abuse by his father and uncle, and nothing should diminish the impact that abuse had on him. But he still remained understandably self-centered. That is, until this day.

"Mommy," the little girl said loudly, "I've got a new friend." Danny approached the bedside cautiously, more out of his own lack of confidence than a fear of the unfamiliar.

His stomach was in knots, as if he would say or do something to "break" the little girl.

"Hi, Danny," the mother said, noting the paper label on his shirt. "I can't begin to tell you how much this means to Gracie here," the woman said, pointing to her daughter. She rose from the chair next to the bed and hugged Danny, who felt ill-prepared and self-conscious. Not knowing what to do, he patted the woman on the back.

"Mmmm…my mother's name is Gracie, too," Danny turned and looked at the girl. She was about seven, and was a pretty as a little girl could be, despite the lack of hair on her head. Danny's eyes began to mist as the emotion of the moment overtook him.

"I just know God sent you," the woman continued, which added to his feelings of being unworthy and incapable.

"It's okay to cry...a little." The mom continued. "'Shows you care! Can't keep from feeling what you feel. Just keep reminding yourself that you are not responsible for her recovery...Only God is. But you can be a part of it." Danny needed to hear that, and not only to prepare him for the day ahead. He had never gotten involved in anything like this, and despite his fears, the woman's words seemed to boost his confidence. It was the first time in quite a while that he was able to think about someone other than himself, and it felt good.

Linda walked up to Danny and touched his arm gently.

"I'm sorry, Joey, but Danny and I have to go. We'll be back on Wednesday, and he can play with you some more, okay?" Joey nodded reluctantly but smiled as the two walked off the unit.

"My mom and Aunt Gina are downstairs to pick us up. Want to come over to my place for some Pizza?"

"Shhh....sure," Danny stammered. Apart from going to a birthday party when he was eleven, Danny had never gone to a girl's house. And now, with his seventeenth birthday approaching, he felt supremely awkward at the prospect of embarrassing himself with Linda and her family. He had nothing to fear for two reasons. First, despite his utter lack of confidence, he was a polite, thoughtful and sensitive boy who would be welcomed at anyone's home. Second, and almost more importantly, he was slowly becoming the object of Linda's affection, even if he took little notice.

The entire drive to Linda's house felt like an eternity, even though it took only fifteen minutes. Danny's thoughts weren't about pizza or manners or even Linda. What he couldn't get out of his mind was this: When he and Linda went back to the unit on Wednesday, would all of the children be there. Would all of the boys and girls be alive to greet them? Even though he felt bad about crying for himself (mistakenly I should add), he realized it would be selfish of him not to weep over these kids. He prayed to himself that Joey would be there to play with and to read to the next time they visited.

Gina and her cousin waited in the car while Linda and Danny stood by his front steps.

"I'll probably see you somewhere in the halls this week, but plan on meeting me in front of the school on Wednesday right after last bell, okay?" Linda stood about an inch taller than Danny, but was looking up to him at this moment.

She didn't know all of the things that plagued him, but what she did know made her angry and sad at the same time.

Things were growing beyond the fondness stage, and she was having a difficult time. She wanted to focus on the program. No one else but for a junior girl from Taiwan had volunteered, and Linda was disappointed. But she was there and he was there.

"Anyway, we can grab some Mexican or Pizza or something (thomething) after the visit okay. See you on Wednesday." And as they say, without further ado, she walked to the car and was gone, but not until after reaching over and kissing Danny on the cheek.

He stood red-faced in front of his house. His mother had witnessed the scene from the front window behind a strategically placed curtain. She smiled to herself, partly because a girl just kissed her son for the first time. But more importantly, she was beginning to see hope in his face for the first time in a long time, and was grateful.

Danny started to smile, when his thoughts were interrupted by a voice in his head that seemed to say,

"What are you smiling about? If she knew what I know, she'd never ever want to speak to you again." People really do self-talk like Gollum and Smeagol. They find out sooner or later that they are hearing themselves talk. In Danny's case, Gollum was the years of abuse that destroyed his sense of self and understanding about himself as a young man. His Smeagol was only just a part of his whole being, and he pled with the voice,

"Leave me alone."

"She'll never want you....You're just like your mother...You might as well be a girl..."

"Leave me alone," Danny said, but his other half didn't go away.

"You are a girl," the voice laughed.

Grace witnessed the entire exchange; acted out in cruel pantomime as Danny wrestled with his inner demons on the front porch. She was tempted to anger, but her faith prompted her to look down the street where Linda had just driven off.

"Thank you, God," she said as she chose to remember the token of affection from a thoughtful girl toward her son.

"Are you sure you’ll be alright?" Grace said to Danny from his doorway.

"Sure, Mom. I just have a bad headache, and it’s only a half-day today, anyway." Danny said from his bed. Grace entered the room, walked over, and gave her son a kiss on the head.
"Just the same, I want you to call me if you need anything." She said as Scooter ran past her and jumped into Danny’s bed.

"I promise," he said with a little fib. Actually, Danny didn’t mean to fib; he was telling the truth up to that point, but someone else had plans for the day.

Grace was fibbing also, but it was entirely intentional. Something was going on with Danny. Her suspicions were somewhat confirmed, but she wanted to know just how much she really knew.

The girl walked into the room, turning off the light. The room remained fairly lit due to the light streaming through the blinds. She walked over to the closet and looked once again at her image. The girl in the mirror seemed to start to say something, but the girl in front of the mirror pled with unexpected success for the girl in the mirror to keep quiet.

She looked prettier than she’d ever had. Her hair still remained too short, but with some mousse and a barrette, it looked somewhat attractive. She had done a better job with her makeup and was pleased with the results. She had solved the problem of "upstairs" with some creative enhancement provided by a couple of pairs of panties. The dress was the same floral print she wore days before, but it seemed to hang better on her slim body. She was wearing hose for the first time, and she liked how her legs looked, especially with the red pumps she got from the closet. But for all that preparation, for all that hope, she still could not look the girl in the mirror in the eye without feeling condemned. But the girl in the mirror gave way to temptation and began teasing her counterpart once again.

"Now we’re getting somewhere. You don’t just act like a girl, but now you’re starting to look like one," the image said. The girl looked back and then to the bed. The boy’s clothes were tossed on the bed.
"Give them away…you won’t need them anymore."

"But…" the girl began to protest but her image cut her off.

"She’ll never want you now. That would be so bad! She’ll hate you…wait and see," the girl in the mirror mocked. The girl thought nothing could hurt more than this, but she soon found out she was wrong. She went to turn from the mirror, but when she turned, she was faced with something that hurt worse than anything she had ever felt.

The woman leaned against the bedroom door, and stood almost expressionless as the figure before her turned.

"MmmMom," he said as his eyes darted from his mother’s face to the clothing he wore. If he had said "I can explain," he would have been lying, because even he didn’t understand what he was doing. All he could do was look once again at her with pleading eyes, asking for forgiveness, understanding; he really didn’t know what he wanted other than to be somewhere else. He ran from the room crying, locking the bathroom door behind him. Grace walked over and knocked on the door.

"I…m ssssorry," Danny cried through the door.

Grace calmly walked out of the room and into the kitchen and sat down at the table. She prayed for a few minutes and then poured herself a cup of coffee, hoping she was right in what she planned next.

About an hour later, Danny emerged from his bathroom, clad in his robe. He walked over to the bed to retrieve his own clothing. Lying on top of his pillow was a white envelope, with "Danny" written in his mother’s hand writing. With some fear and a great deal of shame, he opened the envelope. In it was a note, also in his mother’s handwriting. It said,

"Dear Son…I love you more than life itself, and I always will. We need to talk. Come out when you’re ready.

"Have a seat, honey," his mother said tenderly as she poured tea into two cups. No demands, no questions, no anger.

Just two cups of tea, some honey and lemon, and as much patience and love she could find despite her confusion and doubt. She felt that whatever happened, whatever the explanation, he had heard enough condemnation for a lifetime, and she wasn’t about to add to that.

"Does she have a name?" It sounded almost like teasing to Danny, but Grace really wanted to understand, and this seemed to be a logical question.

"Not….not yet," he said timidly, all the while feelings of shame and guilt poured over him like waves.

"Danny, honey," I don’t understand it, and I’m pretty sure you don’t either, but together we’ll figure this out." His mother’s words seemed to disarm his demons, and he began to cry, not so much from shame as from the relief of being accepted. She walked around to where he was seated and stood behind him. She kissed the top of his head as if to bless him, and then she began to cry. Danny had not seen his mother cry so hard since his Dad died, and he didn’t want to see this either. But her tears were the prayers that God continued to hear, and they provided him with the forgiveness and acceptance he so desperately needed.

"Gina Kelly," Gina answered her phone. She felt she’d never get tired of hearing those two names together. "Oh, hi, Ms. Argento. Oh, sorry, hi, Grace. What can I do for you?"

"I’m glad I got through. I thought you worked at the high school."

"Actually, I help out there, since the building is attached to the middle school." Gina waited for a few moments, and finally asked again,

"What’s wrong, Grace, you sound upset."

"I need some help with Danny, and I don’t know where to turn."

Gina knew that Danny was a good student, and he seemed to thrive when he visited the kids with her niece, so she expected it had to do with his self-esteem.

"Can we meet somewhere for coffee, sometime soon." Her voice was pleasant but also indicated urgency.

"Listen, Grace. Why don’t you come over for dinner tonight? I know Linda and Danny are visiting the kids this afternoon, and her mom Amelia are taking them and Lisa Chang out for pizza afterwards. Ben and I would be happy to hear you out, and we will not say a word about it to Danny unless you say so."

Grace began to cry, but composed herself.

"Oh, thank you," she said as she looked upward, being grateful for friends.

"Come by about 4:30, we’re planning for a nice evening, so we’ll eat on the deck."

They sat on the deck outside drinking coffee after dinner

"I think you handled it about as well as anyone can," Gina said with more than a little understanding of Grace’s situation.

"You think so? I don’t want to hurt him, but I don’t want to indulge this, either." Grace looked at Gina and Ben, who smiled and said,

"And who’s to say you’re indulging anything?" Ben said, but it sounded like "indoolgin anyting."

"This is really out of my professional area of expertise," Gina said, and then grinned. "But I think I have more than a little bit of hand’s on experience." She looked at Ben, who got up from the table. In the all-too recent past, Ben might have done something different, but Gina’s love and encouragement made it easier to do what he planned to next.

Kissing his wife on the head, he excused himself with a, "Back in a few, my Love."

Grace sat on the deck sipping her coffee while Gina was in the kitchen loading the dishwasher. A moment later Gina appeared, accompanied by an attractive blond. The woman was dressed in navy slacks and cardigan, covering a pale grey blouse. She smiled as she walked up to Grace, offering her hand.

"Meet Katie, Ben’s sister," Gina knew the moment was as serious as could be, given the gravity of the situation, but failed miserably in her attempt to suppress a grin. Grace immediately noticed the grin even as she offered her hand back with,

"Hi, Grace Argento, pleased to meet you."

"And I am pleased to meet you as well," the woman said softly with a slight brogue.

"And you’re a guidance counselor like Gina and your brother?" Katie was about to speak when Gina cut her off.

"Katie even works at the same school as Ben, would you believe it?"

Grace wouldn’t have believed it in a million years after the next words came out of Gina’s mouth.

"Grace…I tried to think of something we could say or do that would help you understand more about what Danny is going through. We just figured," Here she pointed to Katie and herself. "We just figured you needed to know just how much someone could understand and accept someone…like Danny." She pointed again to Katie, who sipped her coffee quietly.

Grace looked at Katie and then back to Gina. Looking again at Katie, she tried to speak, but only mouthed silently,

"Ben?"

With as sweet a voice you’d ever heard uttered by and even sweeter girl, Katie said softly,

"As ever was, Grace, as ever was."

Danny Finds the Means of His Salvation

Forgiveness

"Then it's agreed?" Gina said as she threw Rocco a new toy. He had been on his best behavior and had not acted at all like a cat in at least...seven minutes. He grabbed the toy and raced through the back door onto the deck.

"I think it best we keep Katie out of things for the lad...at least for now." Katie had been introduced to Danny's mom Grace, and the meeting actually went exactly as intended. Danny had been displaying some odd behavior; odd being atypical for him as opposed to odd behavior. After weeks of desperate prayer, Grace confronted Danny after discovering his secret. He had been dressing in his mother's clothes, as she had suspected. Rather than confront him, which would have been the "normal" thing to do, she instead sat down with him and wept tears of intercession as only a loving mother can. He was unable to explain why he dressed, but neither did Grace press him for an answer. She rightly surmised that he had no idea why he was doing what he did. She only knew that her only child was being torn apart by the conflict he waged every night.

"Was it this bad for you, honey?" Gina asked.

"As far as the abuse? Most likely," the pretty blond said. "My father, God bless him (and she actually had come to mean that) was relentless. I suppose I was more damaged by the way he treated my mother than how he treated me...at least in trying to figure out just how a man is supposed to treat a woman. I finally decided that however he treated Mum, I would do the opposite. I hope I made the right decision."

"You get no argument from me," Gina said as she kissed Katie on the forehead.

"Anyway, I found that even after I learned to forgive my dad for what he had done, the feelings I felt about myself," and here she pointed to herself, "hadn't changed much. There was a time when I felt absolutely horrible about me, and I still struggle with that to this day. But for the most part, I learned that I can actually get along with my brother.

(Her brother being her true self and Gina's husband Ben). Having someone to love me as I am has made a world of difference in my healing, but it all started when I forgave my father."

"Grace says that Danny has forgiven his father. What else can he do?"

"First, we have to help....I mean you and Ben must help him understand that there are two things going on. First, he is suffering from a severe lack of self esteem. I can see that he's already made inroads in that he is visiting the kids at the hospital with Linda.

He's feeling good about himself, at least some of the time, because he's found something bigger than himself. Second, he has his mother's support and encouragement and most of all, her example of faith. But third, even though the abuse and following shame may have precipitated his dressing, it may only have been a catalyst, rather than the cause. I don't pretend to know all about this, sweetheart...I'm sure you can attest to that. But my understanding is that sometimes what I...what we do is part and parcel of who we are."

"I think you're right. He definitely needs to do something or discover something that will finally get him past his father's and his uncle's treatment. But what, we just don't know yet. What I know we can do, regardless, is continue to support Grace as she deals with this. She's going to talk to him about talking with us. Only if he feels comfortable...and only if his mother isn't there...at least at first. I think he'll be okay if we share what we talk about with Grace, but he is too fragile and feels too ashamed to even discuss this in front of her."

"Honey....can you come here?" Grace said softly, but Danny had heard the sobs all the way from his room.

"Mom, what's wrong...I am so sorry for everything." Danny's eyes started to mist up, and the shame threatened to overwhelm him once again. His mother said softly, but her words pushed the shame out of the room; at least for a little while.

"Honey, we've talked about this already," she said firmly, even as she wiped away her tears. "I love you, and you don't have to continue to ask for forgiveness. I already forgave you, but I'm not even sure of what I am forgiving you for.

Come here," Grace patted the cushion next to her on the couch. He walked over and sat down.

"Your Uncle Jack died yesterday." She said as she began to cry again.

"I thought you were glad when he moved away." Danny said bitterly. His uncle had lost his coaching job because of his drinking and had moved back home to be with family.

"I was glad he moved, but I was never glad when his behavior hurt himself or others."

Danny struggled with the memories of his uncle's cruel teasing and verbal abuse. He had suffered under his father's abuse until his dad was killed in a D.U.I. accident a few years back. The hurt came back as if his uncle was standing in the room, mocking him.

"I prayed he would be delivered, but he just couldn't stop drinking. He ran his motorcycle off the road and hit a tree. He was killed instantly." She cried softly as Danny stood up suddenly.

"Good...I'm glad he's dead...I hate him...I hate him more than Daddy." Danny yelled through his own tears. His father's abuse had ended abruptly when he died, and Jack had taken up the mantle. Danny was dealing with the emotional fallout that confused all the other issues he was dealing with. But Danny was due for a breakthrough, and his deliverer would come from an unlikely source.

"I'm sorry to hear about your uncle. I know he treated you bad, but it's still hard to lose someone in the family." Linda looked at Danny and smiled an innocent, comforting smile, but Danny would have none of it.

"What do you know?" he said angrily. "How can you say such a thing? That is so stupid!" he said. Linda started to tear up, but pulled herself together. She stood up and waved her finger at him.

"Why Danny Argento....you are just as bad as your uncle if you think you can say stuff like that to me. I am not stupid! And you are just plain mean." She really didn't mean to come down that hard on him, but she was actually correct in her assessment. Well, he wasn't really mean, but he was acting like it.

You might have expected that to turn him around, and while it helped considerably, it wasn't the tipping point for his salvation. But it was just around the corner.

A few days later, Linda stood in front of the unit and said, "Apology accepted." Linda smiled a victorious smile as Danny accepted her hug awkwardly. Apart from still be unable to receive encouragement and support on a regular basis, Danny had noticed he had been feeling different, especially when he wasn't...yes, when he wasn't around Linda. He realized later that he was missing her company, and not just because she was his best friend, which she was.

Linda and Danny were alone today because the other girl had a make-up chem test that afternoon. They walked onto the unit where they were greeted with the usual smiles and giggles. Little boys and girls with almost no hair and hearts the size of Wisconsin. Linda noticed it first, and tried to distract Danny, but she failed. Nancy Soriano, one of the day nurses, had tried to get Linda's attention. She had tears in her eyes, and it was clear what she was trying to say.

Danny turned around, wondering what held Linda's attention.

Joey's bed was empty, and his chart was missing. That only meant one thing at his stage.

"NO!" He cried out, but quickly lowered his tone when he saw the other kids look at him.

"I'm so sorry...we tried to call, but you had left for school already. He died this morning. Oh, honey...it's okay..."

She reached over to comfort him, but he jerked his shoulders away. He walked out of the ward and sat down on a bench outside. Linda came after him.

"Danny....Oh, Danny...I'm so sorry...I know how much he meant to you." There's a scene in Fellowship of the Ring right after Gandalf dies and the company has escaped. Aragorn asks where Frodo is, and the camera pans and zooms to Elijah Wood's face. The look of despair and grief is so overwhelming that you can't help but cry yourself. You would have wept like that had you seen Danny's face at that moment. He liked Linda and her family, and he absolutely adored his mother.

Joey, however, was something else. His face always beamed in appreciation when Danny would enter the room. Danny struggled with his faith over the devastation the cancer had wrought in Joey's little body. But, in spite of it all, Joey kept going. And he kept going until he couldn't go any further. If Danny could have, he would have carried the little boy right through and past the cancer, but of course he couldn't.

Linda sat down on the bench and cried, as much for Danny as for Joey. She knew that there had been very few things in Danny's life that brought him joy, and the little boy had been one of them. There are times when you know it's a bad idea to say something, but you just have to anyway. There's really no choice, so you just say it.

"Danny....his last words..." She fought back her own tears. "The nurse said that he was talking right to the end. His mother held his little hand..." By now she was sobbing.

"He said...Mommy...tell Danny I hope he has a happy birthday."

There are few things in life that affect us enough to change us instantly. This moment was the tipping point in Danny's quest for meaning and his own forgiveness. He had wept bitter tears before, torn in two by his own conflict. He had wept angry tears that filled him with hate and unforgiveness. The tears he wept that day were tears of change. He had gone into the ward an angry, bitter teenage boy. He left that day a young man transformed by the life of a little kid.

"Happy birthday, lad," Ben said as he handed Danny a package. Danny looked up at Ben, surprised. "Go ahead...open it.

It's not much, just something I think you might appreciate." Ben smiled...a warm, fatherly smile from a kind man.

"Till We Have Faces...C.S. Lewis...He wrote the Narnia books, didn't he?" Danny didn't know what to say. He loved books, and had read the whole Narnia series as a kid.

"To Katherine Brosnan...best regards...C.S. Lewis...April 7, 1958."

"It was my grandmother's....she loved to read, too. It's a little heavy, but I think you can handle it, and it might help you understand yourself a bit more." It would prove to be one of Danny's favorite books. It is a bit heavy, but worth the read.

"Here's something I got you," Linda said, trying not to be embarrassed, but turning a delightful pink nonetheless.

"To Danny Argento...the best friend a girl could ever have." Her inscription was well-meant, even if it revealed much more than she intended. In the card was a gift certificate for the local movie chain for fifty dollars."
"Oh, honey, that's way too expensive." Grace looked at her, immediately realizing her entreaty was in vain.

Gina leaned over and whispered in Grace's ear, "I think he's supposed to SHARE the gift." Gina giggled enough so as to snort the diet cola she was drinking, which happily drew the attention away from the dark pink flooding both Danny's and Linda's cheeks.

"Mom...I've got a gift for you." He said as he handed her the envelope. She opened it and found a card inside that simply read, "Those who forgive much love much. I hope I can learn to love as much as you do, Mom. I forgive Uncle Jack and Dad. Love always, Danny"

Grace looked at her son with as much pride as a mother can have for her son. She didn't cry...at least not right then.

She looked at him and smiled.

After everyone had left, Danny was sitting at the kitchen table. Scooter was sitting at his feet, gnawing on a rawhide bone. Grace was leaning against the doorway, staring at the scene, feeling some relief from the battles the two had waged the last few months.

"I love you, Danny. Sweet dreams." His mother called from her room.

"Love you, too." he called back from the kitchen. He opened the door and welcomed Scooter in for the night. Turning off the lights, he walked back to his bedroom and shut the door. He walked past the mirror. The girl wouldn't be bothering him tonight. She'd return, but she would never bother him again. No more hurts, no more teasing, never again. Tomorrow would bring what Rick says in Casablanca about the "beginning of a beautiful friendship." He walked to his bed and noticed the envelope sitting on his pillow. He remembered the last time his mother left a note on his pillow. That time started out so painful and sad, but nudged the family in the right direction. He opened the envelope, which revealed not one, but two cards. The top card read OPEN ME FIRST.

"Dearest Son," it began. "Words cannot express how proud I am of you. You have proven to me that you are a young man of character. I am so glad you chose to help those children. You were never a selfish child, but your actions are that of selflessness, and for that I truly thank God. I know things have been difficult for you, and I cannot imagine how painful they have been, but I want you to know that there is hope. You continue to remind me every day by your caring and giving. Any mother would be proud to have a son like you. God Bless you and Happy Birthday. Love, Mom."

There had been a time in the recent past where Danny would have been unable to receive what his mother wrote. He would struggle for years with success, and would be able to impart his faith and hope to his own children through what he had experienced and overcome. While he wasn't quite ready to nod in agreement, no voices plagued him that day or ever again, and at least he didn't shake his head no. He put the card down on his nightstand, almost reverently, and it would hold a place in his Bible for years to come. But there was another card. It was written in longhand, just like the first, with the words, "OPEN ME SECOND." Danny grew to understand the priority of the message on the card; the second would not make sense without the first, and the first would help explain the message of the second. He opened the card gingerly, with both an excitement and dread.

What he discovered gave him peace and acceptance.

It began,

"My sweet daughter...."

Identity

You may remember what your teacher said before you took a test in high school or college. "Read the instructions," or "Please don't start until I tell you to." Sometimes you might make a huge mistake because you forgot what Part A said while reading Part B. Danny forgot Part A....the part of his birthday card where his mother affirmed him and encouraged him as her son. When he finished reading Part B about her "daughter," he completely misunderstood her intentions. It probably was too soon to write something to her "sweet daughter," but you can't put the emotional ketchup back in the metaphysical bottle, or something like that.

She stood at her favorite place in front of the mirror on her closet. She wasn't a vain girl in the least. In fact, she might be one of the most modest girls you might meet. Her image was no longer teasing her. They had actually come to terms and were beginning to be friends. Her hair was a little longer; she hadn't had it cut in months, and she was glad that it was finally growing out. Her makeup was modest, like her, with just a hint of mascara for the first time, which set off her hazel eyes. She wore a grey skirt she had borrowed from her mother, along with a nice ice blue satin blouse and dark grey heels.

She had been spending more time with the girl in the mirror, but had no other friends. Her mother knew she spent a lot of time in her room, but had said nothing other than "I love you" through the door. No one was home, and of course her friend in the mirror couldn't accompany her, so she spent the afternoon by herself on the couch in the living room reading a book a friend had given her for her birthday last week. So intent was she that she didn't notice that her mother had left the door ajar when she left for work that morning. A mere oversight, but one with a huge, if not confusing impact on the girl.

"Danny...." the voice called from the doorway. "Aunt Gina invited us to Uncle Ben's rugby game on Saturday, so I figured I'd just..." The girl in the doorway stopped talking when she saw the girl on the couch. The girl on the couch recognized the girl in the doorway, and looked for a place to hide. Sort of like when a character on TV tries to hide behind a sign post two inches thick. The girl entered the house and stood a few feet from the couch, staring. She squinted, as if that would change what she saw. She stammered.

"Ddddd...Danny? Is that you?" It sounded more like "ith that you," which under normal circumstances would have been pleasant to hear. The girl on the couch turned a nice magenta and began to shake, unable to answer the girl.

"Oh...how could you? Danny....I..." The girl started crying and ran out of the house and down the street. The girl on the couch would have tried to stop her, but she was immobilized. She actually sat that way, sobbing to herself until her mother came through the front door two hours later.

"Calm down, sweetie...I can't understand you....Danny what? Is he okay?" Despite Danny's progress, he remained somewhat fragile, still dealing with the fallout of the verbal abuse heaped on him by his late father and late uncle. Gina was worried, but her fears turned into relief and back to worry in an instant when Linda blurted out.

"I...I think Danny....is...gay." She continued to cry, burying her face in her aunt’s shoulder. Linda had made friends with Danny, and had been a major help in drawing him out of himself. They both visited kids at the childrens' oncology wing of the local hospital, and Danny had made a major breakthrough when a little boy he had made friends with died.

The boy's courage helped Danny overcome his anger and unforgiveness toward his dad and uncle. Linda had grown fond of Danny, and would probably have admitted her growing attraction for him had she not seen him that day.

"What do you mean, honey. Did he say something to you?" Gina had an idea where Linda had got the impression, and her thoughts were more for Danny at this moment than her niece. "He...heee....he....was dresssss....ed....like...a..." She almost snorted..."a...girl."

With that, Linda lost it completely and wept into her aunt's sweater until it was soaked with tears. Gina didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Actually, she suppressed the laugh and resisted at least for the moment the urge to cry along with Linda. She thought for a few minutes. Danny had been very insistent upon one thing. He didn't think he was gay. He was confused, to be sure, but became almost embarrassed when he said it, because he immediately followed the protest with "I....I think ...I like Linda."

His face had darkened from his usual pink to a new shade of red. Gina actually named it "Awkward-but-too-shy-to-ask-her-for-a date Crimson." She was pretty sure that anything she might say in a general sense regarding Danny's choice of clothing that day would not violate any trust, since Linda had witnessed it first-hand. She would not, however, reveal anything else about what she and Ben had discussed and counseled and prayed with Danny. Whatever needed to be said in that regard would come from Danny alone, and only when he was ready.

"Linda....sweetie...honey…" She said, but continued the thought, "you're getting snot all over my new sweater." She laughed, and Linda looked up at her, puzzled. Gina softened her smile somewhat, and said,

"There's really not much I can tell you." Linda was aware that Gina and Ben were counseling Ben; it was she who had approached Gina when Linda and Danny had met. Linda was aware of Danny's problems and had encouraged him to talk to Gina, along with his mother.

"But I guess there's no harm telling you what you already know. Danny...does..." Gina struggled for the words. It's one thing to work through the challenges of being newly married to a cross dresser (however attractive "she" might be.)

Telling her niece that the boy she likes is one as well is a much more daunting task.

"There are a lot of terms and words to describe it, but just try to understand that what he does changes nothing about who he is. Sweetie, I've talked to him. I know how much he loves to visit the kids (she almost said "with you."). He is sweet and kind and generous." Gina thought about what had attracted her to Ben before she had discovered his secret, and realized just how much like Ben Danny was.

"But Aunt Gina...." She began to sob, "What do I do? How can I? I really wanted to be his friend...I really....liked him."

"Honey, right now, I don't think there's anything to do but what you're doing already."

"Waaahat's tttthhh...hat, Aunt Gina?" Linda’s lisp always seemed more pronounced when she was upset.

"Just love him like you already do....and it's okay to have a good cry." Gina said, pulling her niece to her with a hug. "It's okay...go ahead, honey. I'm here."

"Do you really think this will work, My Love?" Ben teased Gina with "tink dis will work, my luf." She swatted his arm playfully. "I prayed about it, and I would never do this without talking to Grace. She feels that nothing could be worse than where he's at right now, and she feels a peace about it, if I heard her rightly."

"Well, since his mother has no objections, then I think it might be a good idea after all. But just this once, Darlin'. I do believe that I am not ready to include what we are about to into our counseling repertoire."

"The APA might be a little taken aback by the approach as well." Gina laughed.

"Tis true, Darlin', Tis true." Ben said with a laugh. He pulled his wife to him and kissed her passionately. Rocco, their bull terrier, sat on the floor. He looked up with a doggy grin, almost in approval of what he heard, and wagged his tail enthusiastically.

"Yeh fookin’ moron...I was open," the player said. "Ah...gowan...Jackie Boy. You couldn't score if we gave you the ball and pushed you over the goal." Ben's teammates celebrated with taunts and teases after every win. "I tell you, Paddy, my mother's Irish setter could kick better than you, and he's blind and has only three legs." Jackie boy laughed as he patted his mate on the back."Comin' to the pub, Dr. Kelly?"

"Sorry lads, but I've got family to be with today. Maybe next Saturday." Ben was respected by his teammates. He was not a big guy, as some of you may recall, but he was quick and kicked the ball well. His soft demeanor belied his tenacity when the goal was in sight, and would likely have been a star in any rugby league, had he received encouragement when he was younger. Ben waved to his mates and walked over to the sidelines and kissed his wife. Standing next to her was her cousin Linda, who looked very nervous and awkward, despite watching her favorite uncle play. She was nervous because Danny was standing on the other side of Gina. He looked more awkward and more nervous than her, and he was glad that Gina was between them so he wouldn't have to face her. They had invited each of them without the other's knowledge, and the ride back to the Kelly house promised to be an interesting, if not very long one.

"Pizza guy should be here in about twenty minutes. Linda, would you help me set the table?" Linda bolted out of the recliner as if she were shot out of a cannon. Danny was sitting on the hearth. His head was down ostensibly to pay attention to Rocco, who sat at his feet. Actually, he understandably had his head down because he was petrified over having to look Linda in the eye.

"I'll just be a while; I've got to take a shower." Ben said as he smiled at the trio.

"Uncle Ben's a good Rugby player, Aunt Gina. You know what mom calls him? A dreamboat. What the heck is that?"

"That, sweetie, is a term your great-grandmother might have used to describe a very handsome man. I have to agree with your mom. Ben is a dreamboat. And He's mine," she added with a giggle, pointing to her rings. She never got tired of saying that, and Linda actually glad to hear it. She respected Gina's opinion and wanted to be just like her. Oh, she loved and respected her mother as much as any loving child does, but her mother understood and even encouraged her devotion to Gina.

"This actually fits into our plan," she thought, suppressing a conspiratorial laugh.

As predicted, the pizza guy came exactly twenty minutes later with wings and two large pizzas. Linda took the pizza to the deck and placed it on the picnic table. Gina considered asking Danny if he wanted to help, but the prospect of he and Linda walking through the back door at the same time changed her mind. The three sat down at the table. Gina sat across from Linda at one end of the table. Danny took a lawn chair and placed it at the far end of the table. He sat down and immediately put his head down, still too embarrassed to make eye contact. A moment later, a knock came from inside the house at the back door.

"Am I late?" a soft voice asked with just a little hint of a brogue.

"Not at all. Come on out. Kids," (at seventeen, they were hardly kids, but Gina felt that "mixed small group of awkward and embarrassed teenagers" was too long.) "I'd like you to meet Ben's sister Katherine." Linda turned and saw a very pretty woman at the door. She was about her mom's and Aunt Gina's age, and she looked just as Irish as Uncle Ben.

"Oh, nice to meet you, Katherine." Linda couldn't get over how much Ben and his sister resembled each other. She thought that she was just as pretty as he was handsome (enigmatic good-for-a-guy-or-girl face, sort of Jodie Foster-ish). Danny stood awkwardly and only extended his hand after Katie had offered hers.(A gentleman should allow the woman to offer her hand first.)

"Danny Argento...pleased to meet you, Katherine."

"And you also, Danny, and it's Katie, please."

All through the meal, Linda kept staring at Katie. "She even has freckles and blond hair like her brother. I know he isn't a twin. I didn't even know he had a sister." Danny was glad for another person at the table. It deflected attention away from him, and every moment of eating and by someone else talking brought him closer to the end of the night. Katie didn't talk much about herself. She talked about bigger things. She and Ben shared the same abiding faith in God that Gina and Danny and his mom and Linda did. She talked about what a good relationship Ben and Gina had. Linda couldn't help but think that Katie was just as nice as her Uncle Ben, and was thrilled to have another aunt in the family. Gina told Katie about how well Ben had performed at the field that day. She was proud of her husband and wanted everyone to know.

"I told Aunt Gina something today..." Linda said meekly. "My mom says that your brother is a dreamboat." Gina looked right at Katie. Danny and Linda were naturally paying attention to Katie and did not see the silly grin Gina shot at Katie.

"My Dreamboat," Gina mouthed silently and smiled. Good for Katie that she had already swallowed her iced tea, or she would have snorted it out of her nose.

"Hey, what's keeping Uncle Ben?" Linda asked, looking toward the back door.

"Oh, he'll be along shortly," Gina said, using her eyes to direct Katie to the door.

"I must take leave. Gina, always wonderful seeing you. Tell Ben I'm sorry, but my pager just went off, and I have to run. God bless all here, nice meeting you both." Katie saw herself out as Gina looked at her niece.

"She's so much like Uncle Ben...it's weird...she's just prettier and softer...you know."

"I know, sweetie," Gina said, continuing the thought in her head, "Oh, believe me, I know."

"Well, Dr. Kelly, I think that went quite well." Gina said as she lay in bed next to her husband. She moved closer and cuddled.

"And I agree, Dr. Kelly. Please do me one small favor?" Ben said as he turned to face his wife.

"And what would that be, love of my life?"

"Never make a joke again when I’ve got a mouthful of tea, please."

"For you, my dear, anything," she said, and kissed her husband as only a nearly newlywed can." Rocco sat at the foot of the bed, his tail wagging in approval.

"So you didn’t say anything?" Grace asked Gina as they sat on the front steps of her house.

"No, all we did was introduce Katie to Linda and Danny. We decided it would be best if we broke the "news" to them in small doses."

"I can’t imagine how difficult it was for you to discover that your Ben had a "sister." Thank you so much for sharing that with me. You had no way of knowing how I’d receive it, but you took a risk, and I can’t help but think that you and Ben are the answer to my prayers." Grace started to cry, and Gina sat closer, putting her arm around Grace’s shoulders.

"Sweetie, that’s what we’re here for." We’re glad you came to us, because it doesn’t just help you face your problems, but it’s God’s way of giving Ben and me more friends to love." She leaned closer and kissed Grace on the forehead, almost as a blessing.

"We’re going to get through this. Danny and you have been through so much pain, and it’s really good to know that you’re seeing God’s hand in all of this. Lots of folks would have given up on their son. He’s a great kid…I should feel blessed if our kids, when they come along, turn out as kind and caring as Danny…but it shouldn’t be a surprise, since he does take after his mother. We’ll be alright, honey, we always are, thank God!"

"Hi Uncle Ben, how are you?" Linda said as she walked through the door. She and Danny had just finished their visit to the kids at the hospital, and they dropped him off at home. Her mother was running an errand, so Linda figured she’d pop in and see her favorite Aunt and Uncle.

"I’m doing absolutely great, sweetheart, and I hope you are as well."

"Can I ask you a question, Uncle Ben?" Linda looked as if she was doing better than the other day. Ben had come home and noticed the crying fest on the couch with Gina and Linda, and had walked quietly back out of the house after putting Rocco on his leash.

"Sure, honey, anything." Ben had anticipated the questions that Linda might ask, and had prayed with Gina to prepare for Linda’s expected visit.

"Danny is a good boy, isn’t he?" Linda looked at him with pleading eyes. Her doubts about Danny arose from confusion rather than judgment, and she really hoped Ben would answer positively.

"I have to say, in my nearly thirty years on this planet, sweetheart, that I have met few men (he wanted to stress that) who have as much integrity and courage as your boyfriend." Ben said earnestly. Linda wanted to deny it, but she had to admit, in spite of everything, she had grown to look at Danny with more than sisterly eyes.

But what about…" Her face reddened with embarrassment, again more from confusion than anything else.

"Is he kind?"

"Sure….yes." She said, as if she had to think, which made her think even as Ben continued.

"Is he a good son?"

"I think he’s a great son….Mrs. Argento says it all the time.

"But what do you think, Linda?" Ben wasn’t trying to act like a doctor, but he personalized the question.

"I think he’s a great guy..A great son, but…I just don’t understand."

"If you hadn’t walked in on him at that moment, if you didn’t know what you know, if you had to describe him to someone else, what would you say?" She hesitated, more out of wanting to say the most honest thing, rather than what she thought Uncle Ben wanted to hear.

"If someone asked me what kind of person he was, I’d say a good one. Someone who is loyal and true. Someone who looks out for others and is kind and helpful.

"And who would you say that description reminds you of?" He asked. He would have looked upward, but he didn’t want to answer for her. She looked at him, but saw no hint. On her own, she pointed upward and looked at him with a quizzical expression.

"I can’t argue with that," Ben said with a soft laugh."

"Uncle Ben, can I tell you something?" she said almost apologetically.

"Of course, sweetheart."

"I mean…I don’t want to embarrass you….It’s just…

Oh, you’re going to think…I mean, you’re such a strong man….I…he..."

"Go ahead, sweetie, I’m not made of glass….It’s okay."

"Danny reminds me of….you…Oh, I don’t mean that…" She paused and stuck her tongue out, just a little like when you’re struggling for just the right word. Ben smiled to himself, fully appreciating the irony of Linda’s assessment.

"Aunt Gina says that you’re the kindest, strongest, most wonderful man she’s ever known…" Under different circumstances, Linda might have admitted to someone else that she sort of had a small not-going-anywhere-but-what-if-things-were-different crush on her uncle.

"Until the other day, I would have said the same thing about Danny." Her eyes began to mist, as if a dream was wrenched from her. A sixteen-going-on-seventeen year old girl may not know where she’s going, but she often may know what she wants, and Linda was no exception. She had grown beyond the fondness phase of her relationship with Danny, and now she felt she would go no further, and it really hurt.

"Apart from that day…apart from what you thought you saw, is there anything different about him. Is he less kind? Does he care less about people? Is he less loving toward his friends and family?"

Linda thought about it. She recalled that the day after she had discovered Danny’s secret, she had gone to the hospital, fully expecting that she and the other girl would be the only ones there. When they arrived at the hospital, she was surprised to see that Danny had not only shown up, he had been there a full hour earlier, and was in the middle of reading to all the kids in a circle around another little girl’s bed. She had to admit, however reluctantly, that she was proud that he put his own embarrassment aside to think of the kids.

"He hasn’t changed…he’s still the same person," She looked at Ben like a student looking at the teacher to see if the answer is correct.

"I can’t tell you what to do…nor should I. Much of what you’re dealing with can only be answered by two people…you and Danny. He’s still your friend, and my only suggestion is that the two of you need to talk. You owe each other that much."

Linda walked over to her uncle and gave him a hug.

"Thank you," she said and kissed her favorite uncle on the cheek. "I think I have to go see a friend." She walked out the door and down the steps.

Feeling not so much confident in his counseling skills as relieved for the girl’s sake, Ben was nevertheless unable to continue his sage advice. Looking down at Rocco, he said,

"Now go ahead, lad, tell me about this cat-identity crisis you’re having."

Clarification

Rocco sat on the back deck, looking as disappointed as a bull terrier can look. He had misplaced his new favorite toy somewhere in the back yard. Perhaps boredom drove him to it, I cannot say, but he turned his attention to one of Ben's sneakers that sat by the back door, and was happily gnawing on it when Gina came home. Rather than scold the dog, Gina said with a smile,

"That's my boy...none of this cat stuff any longer, okay?"

"And here's my love, as pretty as ever was." Ben got up from the kitchen table and greeted his wife with a kiss.

"I wish our schools ran similar schedules. This week has been difficult enough with the kids getting ready for high school next year, but to find you lounging around like the idle rich?"

She laughed. Actually, she welcomed Ben's spring break, as it gave him time to think and pray about his and Gina's next time with Danny. They had been counseling him on their time because of Grace's financial situation, but more because they wanted to bless her and Danny as friends. Linda, Gina's niece, had come to them because of Danny's problems at school with his teammates and his uncle last spring, and they had helped him begin to overcome years of verbal abuse and shame from father and uncle, both of whom were now deceased. Danny made significant progress when he forgave both of them.

Another wrinkle to his problems arose when Grace had discovered him dressed in her clothes. She had suspected something like that was taking place, and while she displayed an immediate acceptance of her son, she nevertheless was troubled by the guilt and shame that accompanied his behavior. Ben's first-hand understanding came in the form of his sister Katie, who had been birthed from Ben's own experience with the abuse he experience from his own dad, who also verbally abused Ben's late mother. What complicated the issue further was that Linda, who had been developing a serious more-than-altruistic appreciation for Danny, had accidentally walked into Danny's house, finding him dressed in his mother's clothes. Ben and Gina felt responsible for the entire problem, not as in blame, but as the responsible adults who felt charged to help the parties discover understanding and acceptance.

"I think I'll 'beg out' of our next time with him," Gina said. He has never had any real 'guy' time, and he needs to see what a real guy looks like." She realized what she had said, and started to grin. "Well, at least what a real guy looks like...on most occasions." Ben and Danny spent the next afternoon watching an Irish Rugby league match on cable.

"Gina tells me you've found some other kids at school to help out at the program."

Linda had organized a visitation program at the children’s oncology ward at the local hospital. After months of visiting on her own, Linda was happy to receive help. First, Danny was "volunteered", but after a few visits, he was joined by a girl who was a junior exchange student from Taiwan. The girl in her host family had recently joined, and she brought along a girl and a boy from her church youth group.

"It's been great, Uncle Ben." Linda smiled, but her expression seemed forced, as if she was troubled underneath."

Never one to waste time, Ben asked,

"What's troublin' my favorite niece?"

"It's just....I can't stop thinking about..." Her eyes began to mist, and she turned away.

"What you saw?"

"Uncle Ben...can I ask you a question?" Linda said, while actually doing what she requested permission to do. "If Danny.....if Danny isn't...."

"Gay?"

"I'm sorry...I don't mean..."

"You want to know whether or not the young man you so obviously carry a torch for."

Linda looked at him, puzzled.

"Sorry...the boy you so obviously have fallen head over heels for...can return the affection? Is that about right?" He already knew. She told Gina, and Gina told him.

"Yes," she said, although it sounded more like "yeth," and looked more like "YES," despite Linda's attempts to hide her feelings.

"But I he does return the affection, then why in God's earth does the boy you like wear a dress?"

"Yes," she said, this time looking embarrassed.

"I can answer that question two ways, both of which are bound to disappoint you."

"Go ahead...I can take it," she said. She really could.

"First, even though a lot of people have written a lot of things about a boy and his dress, but most of them don't know what they're talking about, and those who do don't know everything. All that to say, there's no clear standard answer for each person.

"What's the second answer," Linda said, with more than a little dread in her voice."

"Linda, sweetheart...If you want to know why Danny wore a dress....you'll just have to ask him."

"A few days later, Danny sat in Ben and Gina’s kitchen, drinking coffee.

”Did you bring both cards?" Gina asked. Danny had told her about the two birthday cards his mother gave him. He reached into his backpack and produced two envelopes.

Gina read both cards and then placed them face down on the kitchen table. Linda had been over to talk to Ben earlier in the day, and had agreed to talk with Danny. Gina was glad that she had some time to talk with Danny first.

"What do you think she means?" Gina quickly changed her question. "Why do you think she put them in a particular order?" She looked down at the cards. Grace had given Danny the cards in one envelope, with "OPEN ME FIRST" on one card and "OPEN ME SECOND" on the other.

"Think about what each card said in relation to the order.

"I don't know...I suppose the first card was more important?" Danny looked at Gina for approval.

"Is that what you think?" Gina asked, not as a correction, but as a way for Danny to clarify his response.

"I think she thought that." Danny said.

"And the first card said what? Remember what you told me the other day."

"I think Mom wanted me to know..." Danny began to turn red with embarrassment, as if he was telling a lie. "How proud she was of me...." He paused, hoping Gina would stop him.

"Go on, sweetie....she was proud of you because?"

"She said she was proud of the kind of person I have become." Danny still struggled with the content of both cards, but was having more difficulty accepting what his mother had said.

"Danny? What kind of person?"

"The kind of...man..?" He looked away and began to cry. He hoped he was right, but he was deathly afraid that he was wrong.

"Danny....she wanted you to know that she considers you her son...a son who is a man of integrity...of courage." Gina tried not to put any emotion in her voice, but her words were not coming from a medical professional....and that was okay. She was providing encouragement as a friend and a mentor.

"HH...how could she say that after what she saw...who she...saw?" Danny sobbed.

"Because deep down, that's how she sees you. You are a good boy...a good son, the son she loves."

"Buhhht...what about....the other card?"

Gina got up from the kitchen table and went to the counter. She poured some coffee for both of them and returned. The momentary pause helped Danny compose himself.

He wiped his face with a paper napkin and asked again, softly,

"What about the other card."

"Sweetie, I want you to think about what the first card said for a moment. Can you do that?"

"Sssh..sure." He took a gulp of coffee, looking for anything to give him the courage to face his fears.

"Remember what the first card said...what your mother said...what she thinks about you?"

"Yes....yes."

"Now let's look at the second card, okay?" Gina picked turned the second card over and slid it across the table to Danny. "Let's read what it says, okay?"

"Okay...."MMMMmmy....darling....daughter...."

"Go on, it's okay....what's it say next?"

"I am so proud of you." He paused as if he had just read something in another language, and was looking to Gina for translation."

"She's proud of you....go on."

"You bring joy to....me?" He stopped and looked at Gina.

"You bring joy to your mother....go on."

"Whhha...whatever you do...nothing can change...hhhaow...much I love you..."

"She loves you no matter what...go on." The next words would change Danny forever, since he read them the first time without remembering the first card.

"The two cards both say that your mother loves you...that she's proud of you...that she..." Gina pointed to the first card and then to the next line on the second. Danny read the next line,

"I love you like a daughter..."

"What do you think that means?"

"That she loves me?" He paused "Like a daughter." He looked at Gina for an explanation.

"Honey, she's not telling you that you are her daughter, only that she loves you...all of you...every part of you..."

Gina pointed to the first card. "She gave you the first card first to help you understand that your "second" part is only part of you." Gina hoped she was making sense. It's hard to explain someone else's intention or meaning.

"It's okay?" Danny asked permission.

"What's your name?" Gina asked suddenly.

"What?"

"What's your name?"

"Daniel Paul Argento. Why?"

"Who are you?"

"What?"

"Who are you?"

"Who...Daniel Argento?"

"What do you like to do?"

"What"

"What do you like to do? Do you like to read, watch movies, play baseball?"

"Sure, what's that got to do with anything?"

"Is your name Reader Argento? Is it Movie-watcher Argento?"

He looked at her, wondering where his answer would take him, but his fear and doubt seemed to be less imposing. "No, it's Daniel...Danny Argento."

"Are you Student Argento; are you Visit-the-Kids Argento?"

"No, that's just stuff I do?"

"Are you a boy?"

"What?"

"Are you a boy?" Gina said it with emphasis.

"Yes!"

"What's your name?" She hoped she was on a roll.

"Danny Argento?"

"Do you like girls?"

"Yes." He almost got angry with her.

"Do you like girls?"

"Yes," he said, and this time angrily.

"Do you like Linda?"

"Yes." The word came out of his mouth before he realized what he had said.

"What's your name?"

"Danny. Danny Argento."

"Danny Argento," Gina said quietly. "He likes to read, watch movies, play baseball.

What he does. He likes to help people, he loves his mother and he likes girls. That's who he is." She reached over and grabbed his hand. "Sweetie, do you see why your mother wrote the cards in that order?"

Danny looked at her and back at the cards on the table. He thought of what the cards said and what they just talked about. He wiped his face again and looked at Gina. He wanted to say something, but he was afraid that if he was wrong....

"She wants.....me...to know...that I'm her....son." He paused, hoping the next words were right. He didn't know then, but he discovered eventually that there's no wrong answer. But his next words were just right for him.

"I'm her son...Danny." He paused to take inventory. "I play baseball, I read, I visit kids, I like girls (he actually saw Linda in his mind's eye when he said that) I love my mother....and?"

"And?" Gina said with a soft smile.

"And I like to wear dresses?"

Gina smiled with a broad smile, not at the "correct" answer, but that she saw on Danny's face; like the weight of the entire universe had been lifted from his shoulders and replaced by the reassuring hand of a friend.

"And you like to wear dresses." Gina said and smiled. "Just one more question for today, okay?"

"Okay," Danny said, expecting something painfully hard.

Danny Gains his Salvation

Restoration

"Mrs. Soriano says that Tanisha is going home tomorrow." Linda paused as tears came to her eyes. "It doesn't look good, and they wanted her to be home when...." Linda sat on the bench outside the ward next to Danny.

"I hate this part of it," Danny said. He and Linda grew attached to the children at the oncology ward, despite their efforts. Some psychologists and perhaps other medical professionals may have advised the two to stay uninvolved, but it was entirely appropriate for two teenagers to cry at this news. Part of Danny was relieved, at least only for the moment. As selfish as this may sound, the sad part of their work with the kids was helpful to Danny, since the attention was taken off him (which should be the case anyway.)

Linda hadn't brought up what she had seen at his house, despite the fact that it was nearly three weeks since she "caught" him at home wearing girl's clothes; more accurately, she caught him wearing his mother's lovely gray skirt and an ice blue satin blouse. Actually, she hadn't caught him at anything because she, with the help of her Uncle Ben, figured out that he wasn't really doing anything wrong. But at this point, Danny still wasn't sure about that either, which lead to his understandable confusion. He had a long talk with Linda's Aunt Gina, Ben's wife. They had at least figured out that wearing a dress was what he did, and only partly defined who he was. All that to say, he didn't want to talk about it with Linda. She, however, had other ideas.

Linda looked at Danny and said,

"I do, too!" She began to sob. "She was getting...better."

What took place next would have been unremarkable for some, but for Linda and Danny, was absolutely remarkable. Linda looked at Danny once again and then buried her face in his arms. She had been involved with the program from the beginning. Some of the kids had been at the hospital for months, and she had grown attached; who wouldn't. Her emotions were bound to rise to the surface, but her expression of those emotions was a complete surprise, even to her. She had not yet confronted, no....discussed her concerns, as Uncle Ben would have reminded her, about Danny's...choice of apparel. In spite of the fact that her concerns were unresolved, she felt secure around him. He was safe, but not in the safe way. Almost like Aslan from Narnia…”Is he a safe lion? Safe…

No, he’s not safe, but he’s good!” She knew about his years of abuse by his dad and uncle, and she respected his courage. She had seen a completely different side of the boy...the young man who had been teased and taunted by his peers. This guy next to her was considerate and kind, thoughtful and selfless. Sure, maybe she was only seventeen, but she was beginning to fall in love with him. It was somewhat premature, and definitely but appropriately immature. But in her own, seventeen-year-old way, it was a beginning. At least to her.

Danny would have been pleased for the attention of an attractive girl, but his mind was on something else. He patted her back softly as he tried to find words that would console her...console them both for their inevitable loss. He had no words, but for the tearful, "I know...I know," which were the words both of them needed to hear.

"I just don't know how to...ask the question," Linda said to Gina, who was pouring some kibbles into a dish for Rocco.

"How about....’Danny? Why did you choose the satin blouse to go with the corduroy skirt?’" Gina thought she was clever, but the glare she got from her niece told her otherwise.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I know this is very hard for you," she said as she walked back to the kitchen table. She walked behind her niece and began to rub her shoulders. Linda tensed up but began to relax as her Aunt kneaded the nervous kinks out of her neck.

"If you say, 'Danny, we NEED to talk," he'll know immediately what that's all about, and may clam up. Hey, if you just say 'Danny,' he's going to feel threatened. There's not going to be any easy answers today, honey, so the only advice I can give is to pray for the right moment." Gina was careful not to reveal anything remotely connected to any of her conversations with Danny. But Linda was her niece, so it was also appropriate for her to encourage Linda to talk. Ben had done that as well, and even though the relationship between the two teens was anxious, they set aside their own fears for the sake of the kids at the hospital, and continued to meet almost every other day.

"Linda, honey. Remember one thing....no matter what, he's still your best friend, and apart from us adults, you're the only friend he has. You have to remind yourself that. Don't worry about the results." At that, she felt Linda tense up, and she quickly added,

"I'm sorry, but that's just what it is right now. If you continue to love him like a friend and trust God for everything else, believe me, it'll work out. I promise." Being married to a wonderfully sensitive man who occasionally wore dresses himself gave Gina the absolute authority to say that. And she had found that trusting God works wonders, regardless of the situation.

"Excuse me," the man on the phone said. "May I speak with Danny Argento, please."

"Danny isn't home from school just yet, may I ask who's calling?" Grace said.

"This is Jerry Davis, from Central High. I'm the new baseball coach. Could you have him stop by the A.D. office tomorrow? I'd like to talk with him."

"Yes, I'll give him the message." Grace put down the phone. She didn't know why she did what she did next, but it felt good. She clenched her fist and pumped it twice, saying,

"Yes!"

"Oh, Danny, come on in and sit down." Jerry said, pointing to the chair in front of his desk. Danny hesitated until Jerry said, "I promise...no tacks, no paint, nothing."

"I'm sure you heard that Coach G. is retiring. I want you to know that I am sorry for the circumstances that led to my getting this job. I was the assistant coach over at Upper Merion last season, and I witnessed some of the things that went on...with your Uncle, God rest his soul. I'm sorry he lost his job, because he would be sitting in this chair but for that. And I am so sorry about his death. I know it must have been difficult for you."

Danny started to get red, and he wanted to get up and leave until Jerry continued.

"To be treated like that, it must have been difficult to forgive him, and especially since he died." Jerry leaned forward slightly, his hands on his desk. Danny noticed a Bible sitting on the desk underneath some manila folders.

"I want you to know that I remember the play you made in the semi's. Not too many people can think of making that play, much less make it. Phil Johnson actually has it on video. Now no one expects you to hit like Jimmy Rollins, but I like your defense. It'll be hard, considering the jokers who are still the team might ride you, but I think it's worth the effort. Just think about it. No promises...we won't pretend there's a full ride waiting for you at Temple, but I'm pretty sure you might still miss playing. Think about it, Danny."

Danny stood up, a confused look on his face.

"And Danny? Practice is right after school until five, so you still have time to do other things...don't neglect them.

This is only a game. Thanks for coming in."

Danny walked out of Jerry's office. He would have been surprised to see the two pictures on Jerry's desk. Oh, the first picture wouldn't have been a complete surprise; it was a photo of Jerry and his wife Michelle and their two little girls. The other photo would have completely taken Danny off guard, and the last thing Jerry needed was to have his starting shortstop crying in his office. The other photo had a pretty woman, about twenty-one. His sister Joann...She was holding a two year old...her son Joey..." Jerry wiped the tears from his eyes and picked up his Bible and began to read.

"Danny?" Linda said, fully appreciating the impact that one word would have. "Can we talk for a while?" They sat on a bench outside the school, waiting for her mother to pick them up.

Midterms were upon them, and Linda was glad that the other kids would not be coming today. She needed some time alone with Danny, and this was likely the only chance she'd get. Danny glanced at her crosswise and started to get up, but she grabbed his arm gently.

"Please...it'll only take a few moments, and I promise not to ask a lot of questions. Please?" Her last please sounded more like "pleathe," you know...Katie Couric? Danny sat back down reluctantly.

"I just want to ask you one question, okay? She smiled at him nervously, but tried to convey as much acceptance as she could. She placed her hand on his arm once again and continued.

"I want to understand you." Danny tensed, but she continued. "You are my best friend, and I want to understand you. I don't understand, and I want to. You are too important to me." With that she grabbed his hand and squeezed. "Just promise me that when the time is right, we can talk. Just that, okay?"

Danny wanted to say no...He was embarrassed about being embarrassed, and was afraid someone might notice the color of his face darkening. But the thing that changed his mind was the look in her face when she asked. She was smiling, but her eyes were misty. Something in that look and the words, "best friend" convinced him.

"Okay, Linda." He never called her by her first name. In fact, he never called her anything. He found it hard to speak to her, and his conversation with Gina last week helped him understand why. His feelings went beyond their mutual interest and passion for the children. Sure, he was only a seventeen year old guy, and some of what he felt was premature and maybe immature, but that was okay. Everything in its time and place. But Ben had told him that it was more important to be honest than understood. And Linda deserved at least that much. "Okay."

The sweatpants and baseball tee lay in a pile next to the bathroom door. A baseball glove, only recently having been used after a long hiatus, lay on the bed, along with a somewhat satisfied basset hound. The room was brighter than usual; the overhead light was on for a change. The girl stood in front of the mirror. Her hair, recently cut shorter for some reason, still looked long enough for her satisfaction. She wore some blush and lip gloss, and her face was adorned by an uncharacteristic smile. She wore a teal tee and white clam diggers, only recently purchased with birthday money she had saved. She wore a pair of sandals that she had borrowed from her mother. It was a very rainy Thursday, and the weather had provided her with a free afternoon. Her mother wouldn't be home for another two hours, so she had time to relax and read before starting dinner. She was about to leave the bedroom when the girl in the mirror waved for her attention. She stared in, waiting for the girl to speak.

"Are you really going to tell her about me? You're not going to back out now, are you? The girl in the mirror had only recently discovered her manners and quickly apologized.

"I'm sorry...I promised not to tease. Please tell her about me." The girl looked at her image and answered.

"I....I'm not sure I can." She would have cried under these circumstances in the past, but talks with friends helped her feel better about herself. "But I want to...I do."

"Please...I promise I'll behave," she heard her image say.

"Okay...I'll tell her about you....about me, I mean." She really wasn't crazy, you know. She was just having a talk with herself, like we all do from time to time.

"Okay...can we rehearse...Just a little?" The girl smiled and continued before the other girl had a chance to interrupt.

"Linda Sorrento? I am so pleased to meet you."

"No...WE are not going to meet her...not just yet. Just a talk for now." The girl in the mirror started to mist up, but the girl on the outside continued. "I'm sorry....We...I will meet her...I promise, but not tomorrow. Maybe next month."

She really wanted to say, "next year," but the girl in the mirror would have been majorly disappointed. "You know how busy we...I am." In spite of the perfectly normal and acceptable conversation she was having, she nevertheless felt uncomfortable. She was really just getting to know the girl in the mirror.

"At least tell her my name, can you? Please?

"Okay, but we never really...what's your name?"

The girl in the mirror closed her eyes and folded her arms, thinking for several moments. She opened her eyes and giggled, as if she discovered something for the first time.

"Danielle Paula Argento....but I prefer Paula, okay?"

The girl smiled at her image and then to herself. She looked back at her image in the mirror and for the first time in their lives, they actually liked what each other saw.

"Paula," the girl said with a smile as she walked out of the room,

"Paula...I like that," she said as she walked down the hall to the kitchen for some tea, a happy basset hound at her feet, tail wagging in approval.

Completion

"Hey, Danielle...coach wants to see you. Maybe the softball team needs a cheerleader," the boy said. Danny looked up from his book and smiled. Things had changed since last season...no, change that. No Thing had changed, but Danny had.

He was finally at a place of peace in his life. Well, as much peace as any boy who has to face finals, continue visiting sick children, play starting shortstop (with some success, I might add) among other things.

"Thanks, Chuck." He smiled as he got up, and ran off to the coach’s office, leaving Chuck to wonder what just had happened. What had happened in one year was that Danny had discovered despite rumors to the contrary, he wasn’t such a bad kid after all. Seriously, he continued to struggle with doubt and issues regarding self-esteem which arose from years of abuse by his father and uncle. But he had friends; true friends that actually cared about him. And then there was Linda. She patiently continued to wait for their little "talk" to take place, not once asking him if he was ready, and he welcomed her patience, as he wondered if he would ever have the courage to talk with her regarding what she had seen.

"Hey, Dan, come on in." For some reason, Coach Davis felt it more appropriate to call him that.

"Now, I know about your situation and all, so don’t start apologizing before I’ve said anything." Danny wondered what his "situation" might be. No, dear readers, not that one. Grace Argento made just enough money to be disqualified for aid, but not enough to put Danny through college.

"I’ve got a cousin over at U.S.P. (University of Science of Philadelphia). You, young man, happen to be in the right place at the right time, like people say. I sent him your pre-lim grades, and he thinks it will be enough to enter their undergrad Psych program. I know how much you have invested in your time at the hospital, and with your background (at this, Danny cringed in embarrassment). Jerry put down the papers he held in his hand and got up. He walked slowly to the office door and closed it.

"Dan," he said as he sat down. Most kids would have needed a hug for assurance at this point, but Jerry figured what they were talking about was difficult enough without adding to the embarrassment. "I’ve talked with Gina Kelly over at the Middle School. I didn’t ask her any specific questions, but several of us at Central know what your Uncle Jack put you through, and some of us in town knew about how your Dad treated you. Gina says you are one of the most sensitive people she has ever met, and your work with Linda over at the hospital proves it." At one time, Jerry would have held back what he was about to say, but Danny needed to hear it. He reached over to the picture on his desk and turned it to face Danny. He continued.

"My sister Joann told me how you treated Joey." Danny’s eyes widened in recognition and quickly looked away. "Son," Jerry started to say. It was the first time in his life that Danny had heard that word in that way, and he began to weep. "Someone once wrote that we should comfort others with the same comfort we have received. I believe that you are capable of being for other’s what your Dad never was for you. You were there for Joey, and the other kids, and I think you should think about continuing." Jerry’s eyes were filled with tears. If Danny’s teammates had seen the two of them, they would have laughed, sadly out of ignorance and their own lack.
Jerry composed himself and continued. "Anyway, there’s a scholarship waiting for you, if you decide to accept. Four years, conditional upon grades, of course, and they just might need a shortstop for their baseball team."

Danny looked up, almost in a daze. This couldn’t be happening to him. He was so used to bad things, that it was almost impossible to imagine something good might happen. At least that was the way he felt. Now, with friends and family and a renewed faith in God, he was able to received, if awkwardly, what Jerry had to say.

"I...I didn’t know," he said, looking at the little boy in the photo.

"Joann had him when she was nineteen. She and her boyfriend broke up right after Joey was born, and she blamed herself for his illness. It must have been a punishment, she used to say. But first Linda and then you came to visit the kids, and she saw that what she saw as a punishment was really an opportunity to see how much God loves us." It’s hard not to cry when you hear something like that, but Danny quickly reverted to form. He was glad the door was closed and no one saw the coach get up from his chair. No one saw him stand over the boy as he wept, crying soft but manly tears over the boy. No one saw him lean over and kiss the boy on the top of the head, a fatherly kiss to console and encourage. "It’s okay, my wife Michelle says I cry more than any man she ever met, but she still loves me, Dan..Go ahead and cry...I miss the little guy something awful myself."

"Can you do me a favor, Ben?" Danny said to his friend. "Oh, Gina, I’m sorry, you, too." He apologized quickly. Rocco looked almost hurt that he hadn’t been included, but he would be anyway.

"Sure, Danny my boy," Ben said playfully, his brogue thickening somewhat for effect.

"I have something I need to talk with Linda about, and I don’t think I can handle this on my own." He looked down and covered his face with his hand. Gina finished wiping the dish she held and walked over to the table. She reached down and grabbed Danny’s chin gently.

"It’s okay, sweetie." She smiled and looked at Ben for approval before she continued.

"I think we need to talk to you before you talk with Linda. What we say might help you a little." She sat down at the table and continued. Ben excused himself and left the room. "That’s okay, honey, I’ve just got something to take care of, won’t be long," he said as he left the kitchen.

Danny looked up, relieved that Ben had left the room. He struggled to fight back the tears, but his shame came back like a flood as he looked at the empty doorway.

"Not as easy as we wanted it to be, is it, sweetie?" Gina said. "Honey, it’s okay...it’s okay to be a man and cry.

After what you’ve been through, it makes me want to cry for you. Ben understands (Danny would find out shortly how much) and he doesn’t think anything less of you."

"But," Danny began, and he didn’t stammer. "It’s been months..since..." He was having a fair amount of success fighting the tears, not so much not to cry as to continue talking.

"Go on, honey, it’s okay." Gina said with a soft smile.

"Since she saw me dressed...as Paula." He began to sob, not knowing whether his new friends could still love him and accept him.

"Sweetie, it’s okay." Imagine the sweetest music you’ve ever heard, almost unbearably sad and yet with hope, like Perlman playing Schindler’s List. Gina loved Danny like a big sister. She accepted him, not because she was a counselor, not for the doctorate she held, but for the compassion and love that nudged her gently into her chosen profession. Today she was a friend and family to a boy who had received little in the way of acceptance by more than a few members of his own family. His mother loved and accepted him, but that’s what mothers do, isn’t it?

"We will be with you every step of the way." She paused, questioning her next words, but she continued. "I told someone recently that we can’t worry about results. We can only be as honest and loving as possible, and God will help us sort out the details." She rubbed his shoulders. Another time and another place, he would have shrugged off her attention, feeling even more unworthy and ashamed. Today, however, he was able to receive the love of a good friend. She continued to pat his back with an occasional "there, there," assisted by the snuffling yips of the bull terrier rubbing against Danny’s shins.

"I’m sorry," the voice softly said from the archway, "I can come back another time. Please forgive my intrusion." Danny looked up to see a pretty blond woman. He recalled meeting her somewhere. Noticing his expression, the woman went on.

"I’m Ben’s sister Katie, and you, if I recall correctly, are Danny...Danny Argento."

Danny was surprised at the woman’s recollection of his name, but would be much more surprised in a few moments.

"Katie, Danny has been struggling with something that he has to tell a friend, and I think he’s afraid that she’ll reject him." Danny was surprised at Gina’s candor. He immediately tensed, as Gina expected he might, but she continued. "Sweetie, I haven’t said anything to Katie about your situation, and I would never unless you gave me permission. But Katie has some experience with some of the things you’ve been through. Why don’t I let her explain."

She looked at Katie and smiled, mouthing the words, "I love you."

"My father was a terrible person. He married my mother right after university, and she had me when she was twenty-three. He was older than her, and he treated her..." Katie’s eyes misted at the thought. "She loved him and he treated her like dirt. It killed her eventually...the insults, the constant belittlement. He was almost never physically abusive, but enough to hurt her beyond repair." Her eyes filled with tears, as if she could hear her mother’s sobs at that moment. "I couldn’t take the hurt....all the time. From the time we moved to the states until she died I cried every night. A lot for me, but mostly because I felt so helpless and alone." She looked at Danny and saw a glimmer of recognition...a moment of connection. "I know a boy such as yourself...excuse me, a young man such as yourself may not ever have seen it, but there was a picture once...maybe you’ve heard of it? The Little Princess. From my fourteenth birthday, the week after we got to the states, until I went off to college myself, I was like that little girl, in her own room, in her own world. My father never came back from the war like the little princess. He left my mother for another woman, and I haven’t seen him since. I wanted so much...I wanted so much to be loved, and he never did." Gina got up from the table and stood beside Katie. She kissed Katie on the top of the head, saying through her own sobs,

"It’s okay, honey, go ahead."

"It took me years to realize that he’d never come back. Oh, I knew he’d left physically forever. I just never realized how much I missed what he never gave me. But eventually, through the help of some good people, I was able to get help. With the help of some friends, I was able to find my way back to God. And with His help, I was able to find my way back to family."

Danny tried to take it all in, but he couldn’t. He didn’t have to take it all in; like strong effective medicine, it sometimes only works a little at a time in small doses. But he took in enough. He wiped his face with his sleeve, even excusing himself politely for the gesture. And he asked a very important question.

"Where was Ben?" He looked at Katie with some anger, as if someone should have protected Katie and her mom. (Some One did, but you already know that.) "Where was he when this happened...how could he let it happen."

"Oh, sweetheart, he couldn’t have stopped it, though he tried. I remember once he (and this is where it would get confusing if you didn’t know Katie or Ben) stepped in front of Mum when Daddy was yelling at her. She was crying so bad, and he just couldn’t take it. ‘Stop’, he said, ‘Stop’ but Daddy had the drink on. He slapped Ben so hard that he sent him flying into the wall. There was blood all over, and Mummy couldn’t stop it. Daddy cried ‘I’m sorry,’ and took him to hospital for stitches." Gina had not heard this part of "Katie’s" story, and she began to weep. Danny expected that Gina would respond in compassion for a story like this, but she seemed way too connected. "Oh, honey, I didn’t know."

"Ben was there the entire time, only he was so helpless and with no one to turn to. He heard it every day, from the time he saw Daddy in the morning until he went to bed every night. ‘You worthless sod....you...sissy...you’re just...like your mother." By now everyone was crying; Katie from the memory; Gina out of love; and Danny out of compassion. “You’re just like your mother,” a familiar phrase that Danny heard every day of his life while his own father was alive; what should have been a blessing, but instead had become a curse or indictment. And then…

Imagine trying to find something you’ve lost...something of so much value that you would give your life for it...that you already had given your life for it. Imagine rooting around on a dirty floor in the dark, wondering if you’ll ever find it again. Then someone turns on a light...the light not only lights the room, it falls directly on the one thing you thought you’d lost. If Joey’s death was the means of forgiveness, then Katie’s story showed Danny his salvation.

"Buhhh...but I don’t understand." Danny actually did, but he couldn’t believe what he had just heard or seen. He looked at Katie and noticed a small scar over her right eye. "Ben?" Danny said, his eyes filled with tears of understanding and acceptance and forgiveness. "Ben?"

Gina stood up, her hand brushing Katie’s shoulder softly as she walked next to Danny. She leaned over and kissed him sweetly on the cheek, saying softly,

"As ever was, Honey, as ever was."

"I’m not ready," the girl said from her home in the mirror.

"After all this, you can’t just change your mind," the other girl said back. She stared at her image in the mirror, and the girl glared back. "Don’t you look at me that way....It was your idea, and besides, she’s on her way over here, so you might as well get ready."

"Fine," her image said, looking almost as if she wanted to cry. "Tell me again what she said.

"We went over this. She understands that I don’t know everything about you. No, I haven’t told her everything. I’m not sure I was ready for everything myself, but I’m ready for this, even if I’m not!" She looked at her image in the mirror. Like I said before, they were only just getting to know each other, so explaining the girl in the mirror would be difficult. She decided that she cared too much about her friend to stop now. Her friend accepted completely that she didn’t know everything about herself; that she would be there to help her discover and learn and grow.

Linda walked up the steps to the front door. She had walked from her Aunt Gina’s house after two cups of tea, a good cry, a long prayer and hugs and kisses from Ben and Gina. She knew one thing alone that she would believe with all her heart. She was here to visit her best friend. She was here to show her support, and most of all, she was here to show her friend the love that God has for his children. She knocked once on the door, almost afraid that it would open, but she waited patiently, nonetheless. After what seem like an eternity, the door opened. A pretty teenage girl stood at the door. She was the same age, perhaps a little older than Linda. She wore jeans and a maroon tee shirt, covered by a beige cardigan. Her black hair fell to just above her shoulders and was pulled back into a loose ponytail. She wore some blush and lip gloss and just a hint of eye shadow. Her smile was genuinely welcoming, even if just a little bit nervous. She was about Linda’s height; she wore her mother’s sandals out of habit. A basset hound peer out from behind the girls legs, his tail wagging in recognition.

"Hi, Scooter," she said awkwardly, glad for at least a brief moment that the introduction was delayed. The girl in front of her made no pretense. They had never actually "met," but they had been friends...best friends. The friendship would change, it would never be the same again, and that would be okay... that’s how life usually works. The girl leaned forward. No girly kisses like pre-teens; just a real hug from one friend to another. Linda accepted the hug awkwardly at first, but quickly held her best friend as if she would never let go.

A voice in the back of the girl’s head said quietly but with some insistence,

"Go ahead...you promised."

The girl pulled back from the embrace and smiled, nervously at first, but with relief after seeing the look of acceptance on Linda’s face.

"She...." The girl’s face started to redden. "I wanted to tell you my name."

Linda said nothing, but reached forward and grabbed the girl’s hands in hers.

"Go ahead, what’s your name?" But it sounded more like "whathe."

"Paula...Paula Argento."

Epilogue

Danny went on to college and took Coach’s advice. He did specialize in psych, but only played two seasons of baseball.

He eventually got his doctorate and specializes in child psychology at a kid’s residential program in the Philly area.

Linda works as a grief counselor and still volunteers at the hospital where their story began. And they married, almost immediately after Linda finished her master’s. I believe Gina’s response at the engagement was, "Absolutely friggin fantastic." Jerry Davis served as best man and Gina was the matron-of-honor. Along with Grace and Linda’s family and their friends, the wedding party included two ring bearers; a old but frisky bull terrier and a lovable basset hound. After settling in, God blessed the couple with twin girls, Gina and Grace. They go to the same high school where their mom and dad went and where Aunt Gina now heads the guidance department.

Danny still has the cards his mother gave him to this day. A little dog-eared and faded, they remain part of the treasured legacy that his mother left him. She passed just after the girls’ sixth birthday. He also saved the letter of acceptance from college, which holds a place in his Bible along with card he gave Grace for his own birthday. He really didn’t get it right…the quote. "He who is forgiven much loves much," is what it really should read, but he was actually right. He needed to forgive as much as be forgiven. When my own mother was dying, she asked me if I could help her discover if she had forgiven someone enough. I simply said, "If you can ask that question, then you probably already have. We may all, from time to time, ask ourselves the same questions, gentle reader, for that is what life is all about; acceptance and forgiveness.

Along with the usual gifts, the girls received hand-made cards for their seventeenth birthday. Not normally a hallmark birthday, if you’ll excuse the expression, but an important milestone in the Argento home. The cards spoke a blessing over each girl; Danny and Linda wanted them to know the love and acceptance that they both had experienced. And one more thing. The family mantle piece gained an old photo the day of their birthday. A nice photo of Linda and her very best friend ever; two teenage girls at college for the first time. Linda thought it was a good idea, and it was probably high time, as my mother used to say. I can’t recall which twin asked the question, but it went something like this.

"Mommy…who’s Paula?"

The End

Kudos

Comments

Thank you 'Drea,

ALISON

'you,are a class act.Number one!

ALISON

Andrea, this is one of my

Andrea, this is one of my favourite TG stories of all time.
Simply beautiful!

two tissue story

oh, drea, what a wonderful moving, heartwarming story. i love all your stories and dont always write to say so but this is an outstanding story. thank you. keep up the good work
robert

Salvation - the Novella

Comments

Thank you 'Drea,

Andrea, this is one of my

two tissue story

More like this

Story Stats

The Hatbox

Resource Hotline

TransPulse

Comments

More like this

Story Stats

The Hatbox

User login

Resource Hotline

TransPulse