Eileen in Genderland - the Novella

Eillen in Genderland

Eileen in Genderland
the Novella

by Andrea Lena Dimaggio

A Working Vacation

"Ben, can you come here for a moment." Any time Gina used his name, Ben expected that she had something "up her sleeve," as it were. He wasn't far from the truth.

"Sweetie, I think we need to get away for some "us" time." Gina said as she poured Ben a cup of coffee. The school year had drawn to a close, and apart from the transitional work for the fall term neither had any work to do at their respective schools. And Ben's small clientele had "stabilized" to the point where there was less concern; small being three young men with varying degrees of emotional problems that were well on their way to being resolved.

"I can't think of anything better, my darlin' wife," Ben said with a smile, which quickly faded as he noticed a conspiratorial grin on his bride's face. Yes, even after nearly two years of marriage, she was still his bride. With all love a devoted husband can have for his beloved, he nevertheless continued,

"But there's a catch, isn’t' there?"

"Wellllll," Gina said, unintentionally imitating Ethel Mertz (you know...Lucy & Ethel? Cable TV? Black & White?)

Ben had become accustomed to Gina's occasional foray into mischief, and it usually meant something involving his sister Katie. For those who are unfamiliar with the Doctors Kelly, Gina had met Ben at a Counseling Conference in Atlanta, where she became immediately enamored with his charm and his intriguing but "pretty" looks. She referred to him as "like Sean Dillon (Jack Higgins' character), only taller and softer. And at the risk of being repetitive, she found that he had the "enigmatic face that could grace either a man or a woman." In the nearly two years of their marriage, Gina had "invited" Katie along on her honeymoon, and had talked her into posing for two wedding photos, as well as attend a jazz club to encourage a fellow (no pun intended) "sister" play piano. Ben was used to Gina's spontaneity, so nothing really would be a complete surprise....until today.

The plane landed in Shannon Airport at three PM exactly and they went through customs without so much as a fuss. The two women were ushered through customs quickly by a young fellow who was completely enamored with and distracted by them; the raven-haired beauty beside her sort of....flirted with him. A quick stop at the baggage area was followed by a visit to the Avis rental, where they picked up an Audi A4 Estate Wagon. A nice tour of Ireland for two very attractive women.

The two women stood at the check-in at Carrygerry Country House as the man looked at the computer screen in the desk.

"I'm sorry, but I've only got one reservation, Ma’am." The gentleman said, noting the ring on Gina's left hand. The two women stood before him, standing a little closer than...well... The raven-haired beauty wore an exquisite charcoal grey silk skirt suit, which set off her gorgeous legs quite nicely. The blond was wearing a nice ivory skirt suit with an attractive Kelly green blouse. Both women gained the attention of the clerk, who was entirely distracted.

"That's alright, we're together," she said as she grabbed Katie's hand and squeezed. Katie actually was getting used to the attention of her "sister-in-law" in that regard, as they had it all sorted out in their own heads, even if everyone else didn't. She actually leaned over and kissed Gina on the cheek, causing her creamy complexion to redden slightly.

No mean feat, since Gina didn't embarrass easily.

"Second honeymoon," Katie said to the clerk, who smiled lamely. Gina was glad she hadn't been drinking anything at that moment. Gina decided, as they say, "in for a penny, in for a pound," and turned to her lover. She pulled Katie's face towards hers and kissed her full on the lips, causing Katie's and the clerk's faces to turn bright red.

Two women; a teenage girl and an older woman, likely her grandmother walked into the gift shop and up to Gina, who was looking at some pewter mugs.

"Excuse me, miss?" The older woman looked at Gina. "May I ask you a question?"

"Including that one," Gina thought, but the lady was sweet enough and polite, so she left that unsaid."

"Of course." Gina smiled, noting that the woman reminded her of an Irish version of her Italian grandmother.

"I know this is a little forward and all, but...We noticed you this morning at breakfast. You’re from the States?”

She said with a slight brogue. “Do you...would you mind if my granddaughter and I join you for lunch. It would be my treat, of course." Gina smiled as she pondered the request. She and Katie had been a little "out there" already, and while they had intended to keep a lower profile for the remainder of the trip, something told her to accept.

"I would...we would be honored," she said, using her hand to point back to Katie, who was paying for paperback at the counter. "But only if we can buy you dinner tonight?" Gina asked.

"That would be nice, Thank you."

Katie felt only a little uncomfortable as she noticed the older lady staring at her. Katie’s clothing was rather non-descript, and uncharacteristic perhaps for a "venture outside," as some might say. She wore a nice magenta blouse and vest sweater with jeans and low heels. Gina wore khaki slacks and a cobalt blue silk blouse with two inch heels, causing her to stand at least a little taller than Katie. The older woman wore a nice floral print dress, and her granddaughter wore a medium length denim skirt with a white cotton blouse and green cardigan. She looked uncomfortable, and more than once looked over at the door of the restaurant, as well around at the customers.

"Eileen, sweetie," the older woman said, "It's okay, I'm sure everything will be alright."

The teen looked at her grandmother and smiled, but still maintained a vigilant affect.

"We're from Philadelphia....West Chester area, actually. My granddaughter and I decided to come to Ireland to visit my hometown. I was born right in Kilkenny and grew up in Thomastown, probably near where you lived, Gladys said. Katie had explained that she was planning on visiting Kilkenny to look up relatives.

“Eileen has been staying with me," She leaned closer to Gina, noting that Eileen had excused herself to go to the ladies’ room. "Since my daughter died this year."

"I'm so sorry. It must be hard for both of you." Gina really wasn't lapsing into her counselor mode; she truly understood and wanted to comfort the two.

"I'm glad that we were able to come here; it's really a welcome change. Eileen has been going through such..." The woman started to mist up, and turned away to compose herself. She looked at Katie and back at Gina before continuing.

"As I said this morning, I don't mean to be forward, and I would never impose except for the sake of my granddaughter." She looked back at the ladies’ room door. She continued.

"I'm a fair judge of character, and I think a pretty good detective as well, so please excuse me for asking the next question?" She looked right at Katie and asked the following in an almost whisper,

"I can see you are a very attractive couple, and that’s still unconventional in most circles, but how long have you been...dressing?" Her eyes moved back and forth between the two women before her. Katie looked at Gina as if to say, "The jig is up." She looked at the woman and said in a soft voice,

"Since I was fourteen." She looked over at Gina and continued. "My wife's idea," Katie said, moving her glance up and down at herself, "for the trip." Then Katie surprised the woman with,

"And how about your grandson, Ma'am?"

Something in Common

Mrs. O’Malley sat across from the two younger women, surprised at Katie’s question. She looked to see if her granddaughter was back from the ladies’ room. Seeing that she had not returned, she answered,

"My grandson has been dressing since he was fourteen as well." The woman said to them. Her granddaughter joined them momentarily, and sat down at the table, still displaying her nervous affect.

"Eileen, sweetheart, our friend Katie has something she wishes to say to you. She has something in common with you, and she thinks it might help. Please listen, honey." Katie leaned over to the teen sitting next to her and whispered something in her ear. She remained nervous, but her affect changed as tears of recognition came to her eyes. She leaned back to her grandmother and said,

"Grandma, is she telling me the truth?" She looked almost pleadingly at her grandmother who simply nodded yes, tears filling her own eyes.

Gina leaned toward the girl across from her and put her hand in the girl's hand.

"Honey, believe me, we understand, and it's okay. Really."

"Anne, my daughter, Eric's mother was driving home from work...they said it was an aneurysm..." Gladys O’Malley explained with tears in her eyes. “He's been with me for the last three weeks. His stepfather agreed to let him accompany me on my trip back home. We agreed that the trip might do some good, if only to get away for a least a little while. But the lad has been deathly afraid of what his father will do if he finds out when we get back."

She spoke as if Eric was somewhere else, and that was true, to some extent. Eileen had accompanied her grandmother in her "brother's" place, but hadn't appeared until just before they boarded the plane for the trip. Jamie had dropped them off and "she" changed in the ladies' room with her grandmother's help. Their tour was coming to an end just as Gina and Katie had started theirs. The women agreed that it would be helpful if Gina's husband spoke with the woman's grandson after everyone returned.

Two weeks later the boy...young man, actually, sat nervously on the couch as Ben sorted through some papers. He looked down to see a bull terrier sitting at his feet, gnawing on a chew toy. The dog noticed him and immediately began to wag his tail in greeting, which eased the young man's anxiety only somewhat. They had been talking for about a half-hour and Eric, Eileen’s “brother,” felt embarrassed. Ben tried to diffuse his anxiety by getting off “the” subject.

"Your grandmother tells me you lost your Dad when you were about three or four. How long before your mother remarried?" Ben asked.

"I was about five, so Jamie's been in the family for about eleven years." The boy said this almost matter-of-factly.

"Yet you're afraid he might leave you with your grandmother." Ben looked at the young man before him. He reminded Ben of several other young men Ben had come to know over the last few years. They had one thing that bound them together in sad commonality; shame!

"Yehh...yes." Eric said, fighting back the tears. He had yet come to understand that anyone, ANYONE, who loses both parents, has a perfect right, and perhaps even a responsibility to cry.

"It's hard enough losing both your mom and dad, but to risk losing the one person you look up to?" Ben conjectured accurately.

"I...I loved my own dad, but I really was too little to miss him...." He almost...well actually, he did feel guilty about what he had said. Guilt and shame are very tenacious partners that hold on with almost unbreakable grips. Ben just nodded, allowing the boy to process on his own.

"Jamie has been the best. He's done...he did everything for Mom and me. I just don't want to let him down. I mean..." He faltered. As if grappling with his guilt and shame weren’t enough, he was understandably fearful to face the implications of how his "lifestyle” would be received by his father. Jamie Connors was about six years younger than Eric's mom when she married him, and unlike some younger men, he accepted and welcomed his responsibility as Eric's new dad. They did everything any father and son would expect to do, but Eric was so unsure about this one thing that he would almost rather die than disappoint his father. But Eric didn't really know his dad...at least; he didn't really give his dad enough credit.

Even as Eric was baring his soul, his grandmother had done some soul-searching of her own, and she had someone she needed to talk to, as well.

"I'm so sorry, Jamie." Gladys said to her son-in-law. I really worried how you'd take Eric's going to a counselor. I apologize."

"I am upset, Gladys, but only because you don't know me enough to know I'd do anything for the boy. After all, he's all we've really got left of..." You might have noticed that there's a lot of crying that goes on the greater
Philadelphia/West Chester area, even by some men. That's because life goes on, even for strong men of character. In fact, it's the one's that can't or won't cry that should gain our attention and worry. But Jamie was a strong man of character, who loved his wife and her son with all his heart. He knew, even if he didn't understand completely, that it was absolutely essential for his son to receive help. God knows he was going through his own private hell grieving for his wife. What they would all discover is that the family would find peace and solace and encouragement as they grieved together. He reached over to his mother-in-law and embraced her and they wept; for the first time since he had married her daughter, the two came to a place of acceptance and even love, as sad as the circumstances were.

Ben was just finishing his lunch when he looked up to see one of his mates from the Rugby team standing in the doorway of his office.

"Jamie, lad, what can I do for you? I haven't heard whether or not we made the playoffs. Jackie Boy hasn't called me yet." Ben was surprised to see his teammate.

"Actually, Ben, Dr. Kelly." He used Ben's title. "I'm here in a professional capacity." He smiled and looked down at Ben's name plate.

"My mother-in-law explained that you're the doctor who's been seeing my boy." Ben couldn't help but note the affectionate tone when Jamie said, "my boy."

"Golly, (yes, people still say that) I didn't realized Eric was your son. I'm so sorry. I knew you'd lost your wife, and I didn't put two and two together. Eric has been coming to me for about two weeks, and I mentioned that he might want to have you sit in as we discuss some things."

""Ben...I'd do anything for him. He's like my own flesh and blood, and it pains me to see him this way. If I feel this way myself about Annie, what must it be like for him?" Ben noted the emotion with Jamie's words, and asked,

"He doesn't really know where he stands with you, does he?" It wasn't an accusation, by any means.

"Heaven knows I've tried, but he seems to have something...I'm worried about him and I don't know what to do."

"Perhaps the three of us can figure that out."

Later that week three nervous figures sat in Ben’s office. Jamie and Eric sat on the couch, looking very anxious. Ben wasn’t nervous at all, but Rocco paced anxiously as he spotted a cat on the window ledge outside.

"I know this is hard, so maybe Jamie; you could say something to your son to help him along?"

"Eric...I want you to know I miss your mother so bad...it hurts so bad, buddy, that I can't even begin to say." For the first time since his wife died, Jamie actually cried in front of his son. "I'm sorry that I haven't said that enough.

You probably thought I didn't care. I just..."

"It's okay, Dad...really." He leaned over and put his hand on his father's arm and patted it. Son and father...man to man.

"I want you to know that I'm here for you....I love you son....I'm sorry if you didn't believe that, but please believe me now. You're my son, and I love you as much as any father could love a son." His eyes almost pled with the boy, who continued to pat his father's arm.

"I know Dad. It's not you. I know you love me. You've been..." Eric started to break up, not over the sentiment, since he had been absolutely sure of his stepfather's love. It was his acceptance that Eric was unsure of.

"It sounds like neither of you is going anywhere anytime soon, is that about right." The two actually laughed softly at Ben's comment and nodded. "Then perhaps you might be able to tell you Dad just what we've been talking about. I know this is difficult," and here Ben looked at Jamie, "But I think your Dad can handle whatever you tell him."

Two hours later, Eric had finished “explaining” himself to Jamie. He had been dressing for nearly two years, and couldn’t actually point to any event or reason for cross dressing. As you already know, many of us have no idea why we do what we do. Some may have had a traumatizing event to point to or a series of words that may have pushed us in “that” direction, but many of us really don’t know. That’s okay, and Eric was about to find that out.

"I'm...I don't know why, Dad. I just do." Eric looked at his father, who was sitting quietly, his face almost stoic, revealing nothing.

"Ben says there's lots of reasons, and that I might not ever know exactly why." He said the following, which was surprising; at least to Jamie. Very few things surprised Ben these days except for the odd “adventure” his beautiful bride might concoct.

"I don't....I'm....I still like girls, Dad." He said it honestly but apologetically, his voice wavering with emotion, which evoked an even more surprising response.

"If you told me otherwise, I don't think it would have made a difference. I still love you. I've loved you since your mom and I first got together. You and your Mom walked into my store; you were about five, and the cutest kid. I've loved you and I've been proud of you ever since. You're my son." Part of Jamie was relieved that Eric still liked girls. Dads do want grandkids, and we can all understand that, but he really would have accepted Eric either way.

Adoption is funny that way. You may have heard it explained like this: The children that we have bless us, but they "choose" us, so to speak. But the kids we adopt; we choose them, and Jamie had chosen to be a father in every way imaginable to Eric. And now he would choose to get to know someone else in the family.

A week later, Jamie sat in Ben's office; Rocco was sitting on the couch next to him, and he was nervously scratching the dog's ear.

"It's alright. Please come out." Jamie said. The bathroom door opened and out stepped a young lady of about sixteen.

She wore a dark grey vest sweater over a white cotton shirt. She wore a mid-calf length charcoal corduroy skirt, and suede boots. Her hair was dark brown and shoulder length and was pulled back into a pony-tail. She wore little make-up, but had no need for blush, since her face was already red from being nervous and embarrassed by her appearance. Ben looked at her and then over to Jamie, who still sat anxiously on the couch. The girl stood stock still, unable to move until Jamie got up from the couch and walked toward her. He nervously embraced the girl, patting her softly but awkwardly on the back. The girl looked up at him and tried to turn away, but he would not let her.

You see, not only did the girl have something in common with her friends, but she had something in common with the man who had decided to accept her. They were family, after all. Her father kissed her on the forehead and said,

"Hello, Eileen."

"Can you help me find a book?" Jamie seemed embarrassed, but he wanted to understand. He had a piece of paper with the title, which he had "googled" after talking with Ben and Eric their last time together.

"Of course," the clerk said with a smile. She pointed over to a terminal and continued,

"I can look it up here, or you may look it up yourself, if you’d like."

As much as he preferred to look it up himself, something about owning the process caused him to have her look it up, forcing him to say the title; he owed his son that much.

"I don’t recall the author, and I forgot to write it down. I have the title." He hesitated, but his anxiety was overcome by his need to understand.

"The title is ‘Alice in Genderland.’"

Eileen sat on the couch. She petted the dog next to her; his ears twitched with doggie dreams. Her father sat on the couch beside her.

"I miss Mom so much," she said, her eyes filled with tears. Part of her wanted not to cry, not so much because of the emotion, but she already felt uncomfortable and even a little ashamed, unnecessarily I might add, about her appearance, and wanted desperately to be accepted by her father. Her Dad patted her shoulder awkwardly, more out of not knowing how to react than for the emotion of the moment, like his daughter next to him. He wanted to maintain a point of physical contact, and he was trying very hard, but still remained anxious. In spite of the awkwardness of the moment, he said,
"I can’t remember the last time I slept through the night," Jamie started. His own eyes teared up as he looked at the girl and continued, "Eileen," making a point of saying her name while looking at her. Father and daughter were just getting to know each other, having only been introduced a few weeks ago, so to speak. You may recall that Jamie was a widower, whose wife had died suddenly. He was left with a teenage son that he had adopted after marrying the boy’s mother years before. He loved his son more than life itself, as some say, and he wanted to show his son that his love was unconditional, however unconventional it might be.

Eric had been cross dressing for nearly two years, and had been heartsick over the prospect of being rejected by his stepfather, but his fears, however predictable, were unfounded, as he discovered an acceptance born out of an unconditional love for Eric and his mother by the man who sat beside him today. Yes, the girl Eileen and the boy Eric were one in the same. Jamie was struggling with this new relationship, more out of not knowing how to react, as if there actually were prerequisites.

"It’s okay, Dad, I’m still here," the girl said in a voice that sounded exactly like her "brother." As much as Eric had been afraid of losing his father after telling him about his need to express his feminine side, his father feared understandably that he had to lose his son in order to gain the daughter he never knew he had. "I’m not going anywhere….do you understand? I…."

Ben looked at Jamie, who despite his awkwardness kept his eye contact with Eileen as "she" spoke. "It’s okay, lad; I think your Dad wants to hear what you have to say."

"I just need to have this part of me…It’s…I don’t know why, but I just need it." He began to weep tears of shame and regret until his father reached over and hugged him, this time without the awkwardness that had accompanied their most recent contact.

"I don’t understand, but I love you, Eric, and I’ll do whatever I have to do to show you."

They agreed, quite surprisingly, that Eileen would visit from time to time, just like some other daughters and sisters we already know. Surprisingly in that they came to the decision quickly, without much need for discussion. Eric was happy with that, as he really didn’t want to change altogether. He was thrilled that his sister had finally found a home, and Jamie was relieved that he still had a son in addition to the new daughter who sat next to him.

The following Sunday afternoon, Jamie and his mates were on the field for their playoff game. The sidelines were filled with family and friends, including one girl who had never attended her Dad’s games. She wore a white denim skirt and red blouse with a Kelly green cardigan. Her hair was pulled back with a scarf, revealing her slender neck.

She felt somewhat overdressed until she noted another girl sitting several yards away similarly attired in skirt and blouse. Her attention turned back to the field at the shouting. She rose from the lawn chair on the sidelines as the game ended, remembering to smooth her skirt as a girl should do. It was the first time she had seen her Dad play, and it was great, despite the fact that his team lost by the narrowest of margins. The players walked off the field, more relieved than dejected, and they were greeted by family members and friends who congratulated them for a great season.

She was glad that the game was Sunday afternoon so she and her Dad didn’t have to miss church. Her Dad usually brought her brother since she had only begun to do things with him recently herself. She looked with pride as her Dad’s teammates patted him on the back for a great game

Paddy Reagan came over to the sidelines and clapped his big hand on Jamie’s shoulder. Paddy, along with Kenny and Ben, some folks you may already know in one "form" or another, was one of the fastest men on the field. He looked a lot like Ed Harris, but with much more hair, all of it bright red. He was quickly joined by two teenagers, a boy and a girl.

"And who might this charming young lady be, Jamie lad?" He said this while doffing an imaginary hat in a somewhat chivalrous manner.

"This is….my daughter, Eileen."

"Well, young lady, you must be proud of your father. I’m glad to meet you finally; I’ve only met your brother Eric."

Eileen blushed at the mention of her "brother," who was quite familiar with the Reagan clan.

"Please to meet you, as well, Mr. Reagan. And yes, I’m very proud of my Dad." Jamie looked at his daughter with amazement and pride.

"This is my daughter Karen and her boyfriend Gary," Paddy said. Karen smiled at Eileen warmly, and shook her hand.

Karen was likely the prettiest girl Eileen had ever seen; rosy cheeks and bright red hair like her father. And Eileen’s "brother" had a crush the size of Brazil for the girl, but had been too shy to act on it. And now Karen had a boyfriend. She noted Gary, feeling uncomfortable at his stare. She would have been relieved if her Dad said it was time to go, but heard instead,

"My Dad’s driving us over to Vesuvius for Pizza, wanna come?" As much as she wanted to say no, she thought she heard her brother’s voice say, "Say yes." Before she knew it, she had agreed to accompany the teens, wishing desperately that she hadn’t, for a variety of reasons.

Eileen had expected the parents to join them, but it was just the three teens at the restaurant. They sat in the booth at the pizza place. Karen sat across from Gary and right next to Eileen, who felt very good and extremely uncomfortable at the same time. Eileen was like most teenage girls; she liked pizza and she liked friends and music and movies and stuff, but unlike Karen, she had already decided she didn’t like Gary. He had a reputation that "preceded him," as some say, and Karen was such a nice and innocent girl that she hadn’t a clue. She wasn’t "clueless," like the ditzy girls in the movie; she was just such a sweet person that it never occurred to her that some folks just aren’t like that themselves. But Eileen didn’t just feel bad for Karen; she felt uncomfortable for herself. Gary stole glances whenever he could and his look was entirely creepy and condescending, like he was doing Eileen a favor.

Karen excused herself to go to the ladies’ room, leaving Eileen alone with Gary. Eileen tried to make small talk with him but he surprised her.

"I’m free Saturday. Karen’s got some family thing to go to. You want to go out." It would have appeared to be an innocent remark but for the creepy look on his face that promised more than just a date." Eileen grew angry, both for herself, but also for Karen. She didn’t deserve this, and part of her thought of how much her "brother" actually cared for the girl.

"Wouldn’t Karen mind?" Eileen asked, anticipating that not only would Karen mind, but she would be entirely hurt and disappointed with her boyfriend.

With all the aplomb and lack of grace a low-life can have, Gary replied in an entirely stereotypical manner,

"What she doesn’t know can’t hurt her." Eileen was going to say something when Karen returned to the table and Gary returned to his insincere but all-too-convincing charm.

"Hey, honey," he began, which made Eileen even angrier, "Since you’re busy Saturday, maybe I could take Eileen to Joey’s picnic…Sorta introduce her to everyone (everyone being his cretin buddies, Eileen thought.) Karen, as sweet a girl as ever was, as some of our friends might say, nodded and said yes.

Karen’s Dad was due to pick them up, so Karen walked outside and waited, looking for the van, which left a very uncomfortable and increasingly angry Eileen alone with Gary. Looking around and feeling secure and somewhat self-satisfied, he reached over and put his arm around Eileen’s shoulder. She winced, but he pulled her close to him and whispered something entirely crude and disgusting in her ear. When she turned to confront him, he pulled her close and kissed her before she could object. When she tried to pull away, he grabbed her wrist, twisting it, perhaps unintentionally, with enough force to cause her to say "OW!" in a decidedly un-lady-like tone, which caused him to say,
"What the hell?" Gary looked at Eileen, who continued to try to pull away. His eyes widened in angry recognition, and he pushed her into the doorway; she hit her head hard, causing her to fall to the floor. He turned to walk away just in time to come face-to-face with a very tearful but angry Karen, who was standing in front of an even angrier and entirely dry-eyed Paddy Reagan, who was standing with his arms folded, as if he were expecting an explanation, which he was. Paddy took two steps toward Gary and slapped him hard in the back of the head, like Gibbs does to DiNozzo on NCIS, but it was clear to everybody, including the patrons at the restaurant, that he was no longer on "Team Reagan." Paddy grabbed Gary by the arm and shoved him out the door. Gary held his hands up to plead,

"She’s….he’s a guy," He said, almost in a whisper out of deference to his own embarrassment, as if that would justify his behavior. Paddy surprised Karen, Gary and Eileen, but thankfully no other, since they were outside, when he said,
"Of course he’s a guy, ya fookin’ moron!" He smacked Gary in the head once again and pushed him away. "Now get the fook outta here and don’t you even think of calling my daughter again, ya brainless bastard!" Paddy never swore in front of his family…at least almost never. Colleen, his bride of almost twenty-six years, would have hit him in the head just like he hit Gary, but this was not a normal occasion. He turned to Karen and Eileen and added,

"Even Oy culd see he’s a guy!" Paddy, like some other Irish folk we know, found that his accent grew thicker when he was angry, which he was. "And so what of it. Who the fook cares?"

Karen looked at her Dad and back at Eileen and then one last time at Gary, who hadn’t quite figured out that he needed to leave. She folded her arms, much in the same way as her father, and in a soft, decidedly feminine, but still angry voice, said the following, which would be her first and only time,

"Yeah! Who the fook cares? Get the fook outta here." Uncharacteristically, Paddy almost beamed with pride at his daughter’s utterance while praying that he would not have to explain her language to her mother, who was waiting in the van, hopefully out of earshot.

Colleen Reagan looked at the two girls in the back seat, frowning in sympathy for Eileen. Karen sat next to Eileen on the ride home and held a bag of ice they had got from the restaurant against the growing bump on Eileen’s forehead. She listened as her father spoke from the driver’s seat.

"Jamie is my best lad….I’ve known your family…y’d tink he woulda known I’d guess that his only son….fer cryin’ out loud, lad, I’ve known you since you were five. Now I’m not sayin’ I’m progressive and all, but you’ve been a good lad all your life, and while you might favor yer mother, God rest her soul, yer just like your father!....Fer da most part!"

Paddy laughed heartily at the joke, wondering why his daughter and her friend failed to join in. Colleen leaned over her seat and touched her daughter on the arm gently. She looked at Eric, who sat nervously next to the girl he had a crush on, wondering how he would handle the rejection that was inevitable. Mrs. Reagan was not necessarily progressive, per se, but she had more than just a little experience with these things, and Karen did too, surprisingly. She leaned closer to Eric and said softly.

"My brother Danny." Eric looked at her and recalled that his Dad’s team had a half-back named Danny; his wife and kids were at the team picnic last week. "Been dressing since he was your age. The whole family knows." With this she looked at Karen, who in turn looked at Eric and nodded with a smile.

Sweet Seventeen
In Memory of John Hughes
(February 18, 1950 - August 6, 2009)

A few weeks later…

“Then it’s settled,” Colleen Reagan said as Karen and Eileen finished clearing the table after lunch. “You.” She hesitated. “Your brother and your father over for dinner Sunday, sweetheart.” Coleen really didn’t want to differentiate between Eileen and Eric, as it were. She and her husband Paddy had accepted, even grown fond of Eileen. You may recall from Part One that Eileen was the femme persona of Eric Connors, and that she was only recently “out.” Her father Jamie had learned about Eric’s alter-ego in a session with Eric’s counselor, and had surprisingly accepted Eileen as a member of the family. She had begun to participate in the day-to-day function of the Connors family. Jamie’s only concern was that Eric wouldn’t be around, so to speak, whenever Eileen was. She had assured her father that Eric really never “went away,” however, and that he had both daughter and son.

It was a unique and altogether freeing feeling to know that Karen’s family had accepted her as well. Colleen was as loving a person as ever walked the earth, and Paddy’s response to Eric’s “sister,” had been, “So what, who the fook cares.” Rather crude, but deep down, Paddy accepted the “daughter” of one of his best mates, having known the family since Eric was adopted by Jamie when he married Eric’s mom, Annie. And as Coleen had said, “Paddy, the lad just lost his mother, can you go easy on him?” And you may also recall that the family was used to this sort of stuff since Colleen’s brother was a “dresser,” as she put it, since he was twelve, and completely accepted by the family. Danny King was married with two lovely teenage girls, but also “dressed up well,” as her cousin Mary Pat had said. In fact, he had won the title of “Miss Trans-Dublin” in 1984 only two weeks before his wedding. The family had kidded him about who would wear the dress at the wedding, but Danny had held that aspect of his relationship with his wife Bridgette sacred, and he never mixed the two. So Paddy “accepted” Eileen. But really, beneath the bravado and Irish bluster, Paddy was a kind and compassionate man who knew that his own life was one of grace and forgiveness like all of us, and he was more than willing to accept Eric, even if it meant that Eileen came over to his house from time to time.

Karen, on the other hand, was conflicted, as many girls often are when their best friend, and Eileen was her best friend, is the other half of a boy whom she had also grown fond of. She was faced with a choice of her own making; she really didn’t have to choose, which she would discover shortly, but now she was faced with a dilemma as to which Connors child she would have to disappoint.

Coleen explained that Bridey O’Casey, Paddy’s cousin, would also be coming for dinner Sunday, and she didn’t want to “scare her off,” as she put it. Karen didn’t understand her mother’s rationale, since Bridey owned a successful photography studio in Philadelphia, and some of her clientele were just like Eileen, if you follow me. Her work had been featured nationally, and she was a terrific artist with the camera, uniquely known for portraits and fashion shoots as well as her landscapes. So why would her mother be concerned? Colleen had an ulterior motive for inviting Eric and his dad; she was hoping that Bridey and Jamie would hit it off; Jamie’s wife had died suddenly, but it was sixteen months since her death, and Colleen had wondered, correctly, if Jamie was lonely.

“I perfectly understand, Mrs. Reagan,” Eileen said softly. It wasn’t that Eric was effeminate, per se. But his and “her” voice were nearly identical, which was one of the things Karen found attractive. Think of Sigourney Weaver, softly speaking as Dian Fossey, but also shouting like Ripley from Aliens.

“Honey, we may have you over later in the week, but we don’t want to shock Bridey just yet.”

At least until she had set up Bridey and Jamie. Bridey was in similar circumstances as Jamie. Like his late wife Annie, Bridey was a few years older than Jamie. She was a widow as well. It had been six years since her policeman husband, Sgt. Phil O’Casey, had been killed in a horrific accident when he had been hit by a speeding car while standing at the side of another car he had pulled over for a minor traffic offense. Bridey was well over the initial grief, even if she still missed Phil dearly every day. Colleen knew that Bridey was lonely, even in the midst of success and surrounded by people every day.

Paddy had just walked up from the basement where he was working on a cedar chest for Karen (perhaps in anticipation of future events?) He looked at Eileen, cocked his head as if to decide to whom he was talking, and finally said,

“Eileen, darlin’ would you be tellin’ your dad that we’ve got a spot on the Rugby team for the comin’ season and that your brother might tink about comin’ out?” Eileen smiled, both politely outwardly and in a connection with Eric’s male ego she thought to herself,
”Yes!” Paddy teased Eileen. You may recall how they “met” at the Rugby playoff a few months ago. Paddy didn’t “read” Eileen” per se, he had “known the lad since he was five,” as Paddy put it, and Eric had been like one of his own family.

Eileen smiled once again, graciously, being truly thankful that she had been accepted by the Reagan family in general and Karen in particular. The confusing part of it all for her was that after so many months, she wasn’t sure who liked Karen more; her or her “brother.” And neither Eileen nor Eric was sure how they stood; did Karen want more than a friendship? Karen had made up her mind already, but each would find that her choice was happily not at the expense of the other.

Karen decided to walk Eileen the few blocks home to her house. The two were only about a half-mile from Karen’s house when a car suddenly pulled up by the curb and stopped. A way-too-familiar figure got out and rushed up to the pair.

“Still seein’ the fag, I see, “Gary said, pointing to Eileen. You may recall that Gary, Karen’s former boyfriend was persona non grata in the Reagan household after accosting Eileen and embarrassing and betraying Karen publicly a few months ago (see Part One). Both Karen and Paddy had told him to “get the fook outta here,” to the surprise of Paddy and to the chagrin of Colleen, who had heard the exchange while waiting patiently in the van all too close to avoid hearing her daughter swear for the first and last time in her life.

Ignoring Eileen, Gary grabbed Karen roughly by the wrist and began pulling her toward the car; an entirely foolish idea since even if in his delusions he had succeeded in persuading Karen to resume their relationship, it would be short lived, as he would be just another entry in the obituaries in the Philadelphia papers. Surely you’ve heard the expression, “Dead men tell no tales.”

Karen started to cry, which should have been an indication to Gary that his plans were not only stupid but doomed to failure, but he wasn’t the brightest bulb in the pack, as they say. He continued to pull on the girl’s wrist when he heard a voice from behind him, somewhat feminine, but very forceful say,

“Get your hands off her, you…” No expletive, just YOU! Gary looked around to see who had uttered the threat. All he thought he saw was a sweet young lady in a nice long maroon corduroy skirt with matching suede boots, a copper brocade jacket over a jade silk blouse. She wore her hair back with a maroon ribbon and she appeared to be crying. Gary blinked his eyes once and started to laugh, but he didn’t let Karen go. The girl said once again, this time louder; loud enough for the neighborhood to hear,

“Get your hands off her!”

This was too rich, Gary thought. Here he was, six-two, a starting wide-out for the football team being challenged by a girly-boy (his words, not mine.)

“Yeah, like that’s gonna happen” He turned his back on Eileen and began again to cruelly yank on Karen’s arm; she was crying harder at this point, and for good reason; he had just sprained her wrist. Two warnings were sufficient, like a warning shot before the kill. Eileen calmly walked over to Gary and tapped him gently on the shoulder. He turned around and started to say, “Look…” That was all he got out before he found himself flat on his back on the grass in someone’s yard. That someone’s yard happened to be the yard of the Athletic director from the high school. (More about that later)

He tried to sit up but Eileen knelt down over him and punched him once in the stomach.

“If you ever touch her again, you’ll be singing soprano in the school choir,” she said through angry tears as she stepped ever so gracefully on Gary’s crotch. “Do I make myself clear?” (Ripley…Aliens?) The next few moments played out like an odd version of a John Hughes movie (God rest his creative soul). The big football hero got up and ran to his car, but not before turning around to see Jerry Davis, the school athletic director standing on his front steps, witness to the entire event(you may remember him from Salvation.) He was not at all pleased with the starting wide-out, correction, former starting wide-out for the football team. Suffice to say, Gary was on his best behavior from then on until graduation, and never bothered them ever again.

Eileen walked Karen back to her house and Colleen got an icepack for Karen’s wrist. None of them said anything at all to Paddy about this, preferring not to see his face on the six-o’clock news for …well, you can imagine. Karen sat on the couch while Eileen gently held the ice bag on Karen’s wrist.

“Why don’t I put on the kettle for some cocoa?” Colleen suspected that neither girl needed cocoa at that point, and provided them with the one thing they did need; privacy.

“I’m very sorry you had to see me that way, but he was hurting you.” There were tears in both girls’ eyes; Karen out of..Well…out of admiration for Eileen. Eileen was embarrassed and had decidedly but understandably conflicted feelings at that moment. Karen helped with the conflict and embarrassment when she suddenly leaned closer and kissed Eileen, less than a girlfriend but more than a sister, as some might say. Eileen wanted to protest. She went to pull away, but Karen grabbed her by the neck with her good arm and held her, kissing her again, much more like a girlfriend and not at all like a sister. Senior year in high school always promises new possibilities, new ideas; new everything. And this was brand new for both girls. Sweet seventeen and never been kissed…until now. Oddly, Karen felt just like Gabrielle to Eileen’s Xena. But Eileen wasn’t a warrior; Karen knew that, of course; we all know that. Karen was caught up in the romance of the moment. And of course, Eileen never thought of herself as a warrior. She was just protecting the girl she loved.

Treasure

Consider the flowers of the field
in their beauty
more lovely than even the clothes of a king

Dinner at the Reagan’s went well, at least for one member of the Connors family. Jamie and Bridey O’Casey hit it off immediately. They both loved photography, something that Eric’s mother loved as well. While it was somewhat uncomfortable talking about Annie Connors in the past tense, it was an entirely appropriate thing to do in the family’s grieving process. As you may recall, Annie had died suddenly and tragically of a brain aneurysm and the Connors men were left to deal with her death along with a new member of the family, Eric’s “sister” Eileen. Actually, she wasn’t new at all, just new to her father, who had no idea his son had another side to him.

And Annie, almost in a lovely literary sense, like a valiant character in your favorite book, would have wanted Jamie to find another love. It had been nearly seventeen months since she died; she would have wanted him to move on. He was moving at a pace of his own making, save for the fact that his speed was helped along by a tailwind known as Colleen Reagan. Bridey O’Casey was a beautiful woman who, like Jamie Connor’s late wife, was older by about five years than Jamie. She was taller, too, standing nearly six-feet tall in her stocking-feet, as they used to say. But he didn’t mind. He really paid no attention to her height as he was paying complete and utter attention on her dark blue eyes, which kept their focus on him as well.

As Colleen Reagan had expected, they “hit it off.” Bridey had been widowed when her police officer husband had been killed on the interstate by a drunk driver as he stood by another car he’d pulled over for speeding. It was a long a painful process, but Bridey was past grief, she believed, and only missed her husband as most widows would (“only” being inadequate to describe the loneliness of sleeping by herself in a bed designed for two, much like Jamie felt at that moment as well.)

“I was thinking. If you two are up to it (already referred to as “you two,”) we can make it a couple’s night and go to the new Jazz club over in Penn Wynne next Saturday. There’s a new girl playing over there that we’ve wanted to check out since we heard her on her brother’s CD. I think her name is Maired…Underhill?” Paddy nodded in agreement.

“The kids can fend for themselves.” She looked over at Karen, who was looking dreamily at Eric, although she was more likely thinking of his “sister,” her hero, or rather heroine, if you’re into differentiating genders. The past weekend had been an interesting time of discovery. Karen had discovered that she was falling in love with Eric, or was it Eileen, or was it both? Actually it was both, but she was developing a decided preference as to which persona she preferred, sort of like, Indiana Jones or Han Solo; Martin Riggs or Benjamin Martin, or in this case, Karen Silkwood or Sophie Zawistowska, if you follow me.

And Eric had discovered two things about himself; first, he was capable of handling himself as Eileen, as he found out by rescuing Karen from her former boy-friend. And he also discovered that he loved Karen equally from both sides of himself, as it were, but preferred his, or rather, Eileen’s relationship with Karen. All that to say is that it had turned out to be an interesting weekend for both Eric and Eileen, and Jamie as well.

A few weeks later, Jamie Connors sat in the recliner in his living room, staring at the ceiling. He was trying to figure out what to do about his feelings; first, he felt conflicted about liking Bridey since he was a widower; most all folks who have lost a spouse may feel a sense of betrayal of their late love, even after time has passed. And there can never be enough time to separate the loss from the present, no matter how much one tries when the love is as deep and wide and wonderful as the love he and Annie shared. But there were other “considerations.” First, Bridey was a widow, so there might be her own hesitation to deal with. But the ultimate concern; the biggest consideration to deal with was that Jamie had a secret; a secret he had shared only with Annie. As dear as the secret was to him, he had not even told his son. Without revealing too much, this was something he had seen in his own son, and was reluctant, even fearful to discuss, since he felt guilty and responsible. Only after time with Eric and his counselor was he able to see that it wasn't his fault, since there was no fault to be had; nothing to feel guilty over since there really wasn't anything wrong. And he had done his homework, so to speak, and he came to see that his own secret wasn't wrong, even if it was confusing. But even though the secret was a treasure, a keepsake from a wonderful past, fear of rejection made him consider that his secret might never, ever see the light of day again. And he was willing to keep that secret dead and buried, if I may use a crude metaphor, in order to see his relationship, such as it was, grow with Bridey.

Consider the birds of the air
flying high, flying free;
you are precious to me

“So tell me, sweetheart, what should I do?” Bridey was sitting in her living room, holding a picture of her late husband in her hand. She really wasn’t talking to him; that conversation would be reserved when the time came for her own passing. She just wanted to honor his memory. She wasn’t conflicted at all about her new relationship with Jamie; having been a widow for six years, preceded by a loving relationship with an absolutely wonderful man, she was “over” being a widow in that regard. No feelings of betrayal here, she knew that Phil was content where he was, if I may say, and she needed to move on.

Jamie was a nice man, and from what Colleen and Paddy had told her, a man of loyalty, dedication, and character. She wondered if she would ever find a man just like her late husband, and it seemed like Jamie “fit the bill,” to use an old expression. But would he be “exactly” like Phil. She could live without that, if needs be, but she wondered again if she would ever find someone who suited her. She didn’t harbor any secrets; she wasn’t a person to reveal much about herself to people she didn’t know, which was probably a good idea. She was, however, completely transparent with her loved ones. It’s just that she didn’t know how Jamie might feel if he knew everything about her.

Where your treasure is
there is your heart.

“Mom…you got a minute?” Karen was busy vacuuming the living room carpet when Colleen came in from outside, her arms holding a basket of tomatoes from the garden.

“For my baby, of course.” Colleen said as she put the basket down on the kitchen table. “This wouldn’t happen to be about your little escapade the other week, would it?” Mothers have a way of knowing these things. They had already discussed Gary’s attack on her and they felt it best to leave well enough alone. Better not to call attention to anything regarding Eileen, since Gary already was in a remorseful mode, to put it mildly. Jerry Davis, the athletic director witness to the entire event, had him write a letter of apology to Karen and her family, and he had lost his starting spot on the football team for two games. Why be vindictive. He really couldn’t tell anyone that he had been beat down by a girl nearly half a foot shorter and fifty pounds lighter than him; could he?

And while Jerry did not know the identity of the young lady in question, he had a pretty good idea. He had worked with another young lady of the same “persuasion” a few years ago although the girl never knew that Coach knew that the lad was also a "she.” (See Salvation) He protected Danny from exposure, feeling he owed at least that much to the young man who had been so compassionate and caring with Jerry’s dying nephew Joey. So Gary’s punishment was that he couldn’t say a word; harsh punishment for someone who derived great pleasure about speaking about himself.

Karen had tears in her eyes; they came when she saw her mom. It’s like when you were little and fell down and cut your knee; you were able to fight back the tears until there was someone to wipe them away. Karen walked to her mother and held her arms out, asking for a hug. Colleen gave her more and embraced her daughter while kissing her tear-stained cheek.

“I know it’s not anything like me and your father when we first met,” she said. Paddy and she had known each other since they were in Grammar School in Dublin. They grew up as best friends and became “an item” in high school. They married young but were only blessed with one beautiful baby girl after too many heartaches of miscarriage. Karen was still her baby, and she was confused and in love at the same time with two different parts of the same person.

“You love ‘em both, Don’t you?” Colleen said, more as a statement than a question. She knew she was right. Her sister-in-law Maureen had the same experience with her brother Danny, and they turned out just fine; married for eighteen years with two lovely daughters and a relationship that included his “sister” Maggie. “I think the best approach is to keep doing what you’re doing; loving ‘em both and let everything sort itself out. Eric is a fine lad, and we love him dearly. Eileen is just another side of someone we all love, sweetheart, so it’s okay for you to do the same.
“What about…the kiss? What do I do with that, Mom?” She cried harder and buried her face in her mother’s sweater.

“Treasure it forever, darlin’. You get only one first kiss per person, honey. And I peeked.” Her mother almost was impish about it. “She’s a sweet girl, so to speak, and I can’t imagine a finer first kiss in the history of the world, sweetheart, so go ahead and treasure it always.” She held her daughter at arm’s length to face her.

“Let’s just sit down at the table and have a nice cup of tea, sweetheart,” Colleen said as she handed her sweet daughter a box of tissues. You may remember what Dr. Gina Kelly has to say about tea? If you want to problem-solve, put on a pot of coffee, but if you need to cry, there’s nothing like a cup of tea…or a whole pot.

If a child asks his father on earth
for fish or for bread;
who among you would give them
a snake or a stone

Bridey and Jamie were sitting on a bench by the pond in the park near his house. The usual chorus of quacks and honks grew softer as a flotilla of ducks and geese swam in the direction of a nice lady several yards away who was throwing bread on the water. Bridey looked at Jamie, who looked back, and it was almost like a Rob Reiner movie when they both said at once,

“I need to tell you something.” Jamie was turning red with embarrassment, fearing the worst would happen when he shared his secret with Bridey. She nearly matched the crimson in his face with the glowing pink in her own.

“You first,” each said again simultaneously, more out of politeness than fear, although neither one was any less scared at the outcome of their next few words. Bridey spoke first.

“You know, obviously, that I was married.” She pointed to the ring on her left hand; she still wore it even after being a widow for over six years. She wasn’t holding onto anything; her ring was the one tangible thing left from her late husband, and she kept it as a way of fond remembrance. We had a…different sort of relationship…one that we both enjoyed and treasured (there’s that word again). “She paused and tears came to her eyes, nearly all out of fear, but some out of hope.

“My husband was all-man, like they say,” her soft hint of a brogue coming through. She was raised in Philadelphia from the age of ten, but she spent a lot of time with relatives and visited once and a while back home in Ireland, so she hadn’t lost her accent entirely.

“But there was another side of him…he….” She began to cry harder, more out of newly-remembered grief than anything else. “We loved each other as we felt we were…the ones we were and not how people expected we should be. Phil was always himself outside of the house, but when we were home, she was Lisa O’Casey. My best friend…my lover….my wife.” She really didn’t know how Jamie was going to take this all in, and despite nearly two months of dating, she really didn’t know him at all. Nevertheless, she rested her head softly on his shoulder; years of loss and grief came out like a flood.

She was ashamed and fearful for no reason whatsoever and every reason in the world, if you follow me. She had just told the man she was falling in love with about her life’s true love, as Princess Buttercup might say; her dearest closest friend whom she had accepted and treasured like a pearl of great price, as it says in another way for another reason. And what would he do with that treasure? Would he keep it safe? Would he laugh or mock or scorn and devalue what she held dear? I know you know what he would do, since you already know what a man of character Jamie was. But what he said next was both a relief to her and completely freeing to him as well.

With tears in his own eyes, he held her in front of him and looked directly in her deep dark blue eyes and said,

“My other name is Jamie,” almost as a joke some might have felt, but he was serious.

“She and Annie were best friends as well.” There’s a scene in Return of the King at nearly the end of the movie where Sam is standing next to his new bride Rose. Even though he’s loved her forever and even though he just got married, there’s a sense of wonder and surprise when they kiss, as if even after all that he couldn’t believe it was happening to him. Jamie felt the same way when Bridey kissed him full on the lips with utter abandon. It was almost as if they hadn’t been crying, since the kiss went on for minutes; yes, minutes. When their lips parted, the waterworks began again, this time for a good deal more time. The lady down the shore looked at them and smiled, and then returned to feeding the ducks and geese once again.

How much more does the Father above
have a heart full of love
for the children that He calls His own?
And where your treasure is
there is your heart.

Jamie's Story

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace

Eileen was spending the majority of her time during the school break as "herself," as some might put it. Eric spent all of their time at school, as it were, and while he didn't have many friends, he got out more often, if you follow me. But both of them had one good friend, a kind and caring young lady that accepted both halves of the same whole, and she was comfortable with either of them. Eileen preferred her girl persona in relating to Karen, although she didn't know why. It was likely that she felt more secure and confident around Karen than Eric did, although Eric would be the first to tell you how much he loved Karen Reagan. Like her mother said, and like Dr. Gina Kelly has said on more than one occasion, just love each other as much as you can; being kind and caring, and God will help you sort it all out. Eileen was going to discover that she needed a lot of help in sorting out what she was about to discover.

This miracle God gave me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

"Hi, Bridey, how are you?" Eileen greeted Bridey as she walked into the living room, finding Bridey sitting on the couch watching TV. Bridey O’Casey was Karen’s dad’s cousin, and Jamie's girlfriend. After being “set up” by Karen’s mom, Bridey spent a lot of time at the house lately, and while no ring yet appeared on Bridey’s finger, Eileen (and Eric) expected that Jamie and Bridey would make an announcement shortly.

Bridey had taken Eric aside a few days ago to ask him how well the family was coping with having two children in the house when only one....well, when there was really only one. Bridey did not share anything about her past history with her late husband, nor did she reveal the conversation that she and Jamie had weeks ago regarding his own secret. Eric explained that he and his "sister" spend nearly equal amounts of time while home, and that Eileen was spending more and more time at Karen's house. Both personae had been accepted by the Reagan family; having experience with transgender issues and the like with Mrs. Reagan's brother Daniel, a married father of two and a life-long cross dresser. Bridey seemed relieved to find out how well the family was coping. She only hoped that the "twins," but Eileen especially, would be able to handle what Jamie had planned to discuss; actually show them that evening; something in Eileen’s eyes had helped Jamie and Bridey make that decision

It's hangin' on when your heart
has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up

"Eileen, would you mind coming here for a moment?" Bridey's voice came from the living room. Eileen had been reading a copy of Hockey Digest, and was just getting to the article about the Flyers when she heard Bridey's request. You may be interested to note that the two halves of the same child never felt any problem reading or enjoying the interests of the other "half," so to speak, so it wasn't uncommon to find Eric looking at HGTV design shows or Eileen enjoying an afternoon watching a Lethal Weapon marathon. They were at least secure in that regard, but their security and self-understanding were about to be put to a major test; a trial that would threaten to tear the family apart.

Eileen got up and walked down the hallway into the living room where she discovered Bridey sitting once again on the couch, but she was not alone. Sitting next to her was a attractive woman, perhaps a few years younger than Bridey. Maybe a photography associate or a model from her studio. Eileen walked over to Eileen and stood, waiting to be introduced. The closer she got to the two seated on the couch, the more she noticed. The more she noticed, the more uncomfortable she felt, as if there was something she should know; something vital that she needed to hear, but her thoughts were interrupted by Bridey's nervous soft brogue.

"Honey....I'm sorry, but we just didn't know how to approach this. I hope you'll understand." Bridey took the woman's hand in hers. Bridey's eyes began to mist up; mostly out of understandable anxiety and fear over Eileen's response to her next statement.

"Eileen, sweetie, before I go further, I need you to remember just how much your Dad loves you. Can you do that?"

Eileen would have said yes but for the sudden look of recognition in her face as she realized just who was sitting on the couch in front of her.

"Dad? Is that you? Is that you?" Her voice changed in an instant. Most days you really couldn't differentiate between Eric and Eileen's voices, but today was a sad and altogether upsetting exception.

"How could you....What did..." Eric started to cry angry tears, and he said finally, "What I told you...what we shared was special. How could you? You let me go through agony worrying about how you'd feel about me. I was so afraid...." He and she cried together, as you can expect, as Eileen continued where Eric left off. "Mom hasn’t been gone for…..and you're doing this? You lied to me....I hate you...I hate you...." She ran down the hall into her bedroom and slammed the door. Jamie went to get up, but Bridey held her arm. Jamie looked about ready to give up, but Bridey said,

"No, I don't think she's ready for this just yet. You had to tell her sometime, but she was going to react either way. I'll go talk to her, honey. It'll be alright. I promise." It usually isn't a very good idea to promise something when your promise is entirely contingent upon someone else's feelings and reactions, but Bridey would be proved right...but not that day.

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me

"Go away. I don't want to see anybody. Tell him...I hate him. He lied to me..." She wasn't being difficult at all, and she wasn't being emotional. Eric had agonized over telling Jamie about his need to be Eileen, and he was deathly afraid that his father would reject him. And now to find out that he had a secret that...He could have said something to help Eileen with her fears. He held back...he was a coward, and he made Eileen go through months of agony and fear for nothing.

"I never want to talk to him again. I hate him." Eileen (and Eric) cried harder than even when their Mom died suddenly months ago. Annie didn't choose to leave; she never abandoned them, and would have done anything for her son. But Jamie betrayed Eric (and Eileen). Maybe she could move in with the Reagan’s. Maybe...maybe... It just hurt so much, and she had nowhere to go to get away from the pain. Bridey knocked on the door softly and said in a calm and almost soothing voice.

"Eileen, honey, I think I can help. May I come in?" No voice had come from the room, but a moment later the lock unlatched and the door opened. Eric was standing in the doorway, wearing a pair of sweatpants and a tee shirt. Eileen was nowhere to be found, but evidence that she had been there, so to speak, lay all around the room. Posters had been ripped from the walls; clothing was pulled off of hangers and lay in rude piles on the floor. Evidence of smeared mascara still remained on Eric's face; streams of dark lines covered his cheeks, and his lips were red, not from lip gloss, but raw from rubbing the gloss off. And the saddest testimony to the pain in his dear heart lay on the floor by the bathroom door. A crudely cut ponytail lay on top of a towel along with a dark green ribbon. Bridey looked at Eric and she herself began to cry. She had seen enough of this stuff when her husband Phi was alive.

You may recall that Bridey’s husband Phil had another side to him; she had seen too many rash decisions about how to be and who would accept Lisa as Phil would turn his back on his alter-ego. Regrets would come later for the boy who stood before her; but now he was confused, scared, and angry, but mostly hurt and hopeless. She gathered the boy in her arms and wept with him as his sobs echoed throughout the house. On the couch in the living room, Jamie sat, feeling embarrassed, scared, humiliated and ashamed. Through a well-intended but ill-timed act, this family was threatening to fall apart. Bridey stood in the doorway, both holding Eric as he wept while listening to the utter despair of weeping that came from down the hallway. Bridey knew the answer was within Jamie for his child; his beloved daughter/son, but Jamie would have to face his own demons and past. Bridey knew that the strength to speak lay elsewhere. She looked upward and prayed silently, "Dear God, please help me and help this family."

The vacuum cleaner could be heard from the living room; Eric was cleaning the detritus of his understandable yet disappointing anger. No words were exchanged by anyone in the home for the entire evening, and the only sounds that were heard came from the dishwasher, the clothes dryer and the aforementioned vacuum cleaner. Bridey sat in the living room, trying to make sense of it all. Eric had finished finally in cleaning his room; gone were any traces of Eileen; it was as if she never existed. He had collapsed in exhaustion on his bed, and had literally cried himself to sleep. I know…weepy, crying… too much sad stuff.

Life within the broad transgender community may be filled with lovely events of courage and hope, but can also be flooded with tragedy and hopelessness. This family was straddling the continuum, as it were, and this devastating bout with confusion and doubt was made doubly painful by the feelings of betrayal and the unresolved grief over the death of Annie Connors; the glue to the family, to use an old expression. Jamie and Bridey’s friendship was not-ill timed, as you might think. It’s just that there’s always; I repeat; always unresolved grief after the death of a loved one. The impact usually diminishes over time, but it still may be painful though not as immediate and intense as when you first lost your loved one. Both Eric and Jamie also had doubts about Jamie’s real love and acceptance for his adoptive son, and newly discovered “daughter” as well. So doubt and fear once again paid a call on the Connors household. Only one thing would bring the family together. Like knitting together a rent in a garment, the repair would come from the truth; the truth about Jamie and his past. And the truth was painful; almost too painful to recall, but only by bringing it to light could the torn family be finally healed.

Bridey had fallen asleep in the recliner in the living room, keeping watch while praying for the Connors men. Jamie had changed his clothes and had gone to bed and Eric had been in his room since the early evening of the day before, falling asleep in a flood of grief and doubt about his relationship with his father, which brought about more guilt and doubt as he questioned his loyalty to his mother even as his father was doing the same thing. Bridey fell asleep after about two hours of non-stop prayer. Earlier she had gone into Eric’s room and covered him up after kissing his cheek, tasting the saltiness of his face from hours of crying bitter hopeless tears.

She wasn’t his mother, of course, but she wanted for all the world to be that for him, even as she had fallen in love with his father. She had stood outside Jamie’s bedroom and prayed as well for the man she loved. And of course, she knew exactly why Jamie never told his son about his own past and his other persona. She held onto the hope that her prayers were answered and that both father and son would find the strength to listen to each other and forgive and reconcile. There were two others to consider, as well, even if their counterparts had momentarily abandoned them; there was way too much pain in this family to even consider the “deaths” of two additional family members. Bridey hadn’t abandoned Eileen or Jamie, and by the grace of God she would do her best to see them come home.

The next morning found Bridey busy in the kitchen making breakfast. She anticipated that Jamie and Eric would not be hungry, but she was in no mood to take no for an answer; she wasn’t mad, just frustrated and sad over the previous evening’s events. She pointed to two seats across the table from each other and glared at both until they sat down.

“Only one choice, boys….” She pointed to the stove where sausage and bacon sizzled loudly in the frying pan. The aroma of buttermilk waffles and the smell of fresh coffee filled the kitchen. “I’m only going to say this once. You are going to talk. No ifs, ands, or buts about it; you will talk, and you will listen. I’ve invested way too much time and energy and love for you two to see it all thrown away over a misunderstanding.” She looked at Jamie, being the ostensibly responsible parent and continued. “I know this is difficult. It is probably harder that anything the two of you have ever done, and that includes burying a parent and a wife.” With that, she turned her attention to Eric.

“Your father has something you absolutely need to hear. I promise you that it will be the most difficult thing he has ever done, and you need to listen as if your life depended on it, since the lives of other family members lie in the balance.” She smiled at them, but failed to hide the tears she had been crying all morning before they awoke. “You both owe yourselves that; you owe Annie that; you owe me that, and you owe two others that I love very much your time and attention.” She placed three plates of food on the table and sat down, taking a slow sip of coffee while waiting for the first words. Jamie spoke first.

‘I am so sorry I didn’t tell you. I was so ashamed and scared, and I didn’t want you to think any less of me that you already did. I should have known you’d be strong enough and even more important, loving enough to accept me. And I’m so sorry that I was so scared that I put you through hell. I would have done anything for you, and when you told me about Eileen, it brought back painful memories I thought I had dealt with. Your mom knew about it, and she promised me that we would find a time to tell you, but then she died, and I was so alone…oh there I go. You were here, and I knew you loved me like a real father, but I was so beat down after Annie died that I had no strength to deal with rejection. I was afraid for the same reasons you were and I am so sorry I didn’t give you enough credit, son; I hope you can forgive me.” Jamie would have been weeping by then but for Bridey’s reassuring hand on his right arm. He continued.

“I was eighteen, and just out of high school. I hadn’t found my niche, and I was working….in a bar in Philly. Your mother and her girlfriends were out for a lark one evening and that’s when we met. You know she’s…she was five years older than me. I had….I had been working as…I was working tables at the bar, and one of the guys had too much…he got...” Jamie’s voice trailed off and he began to weep. The memory of the moment was fresh enough as if it were happening all over again. He sobbed, and tried in vain to continue, but the words stuck in his throat. Jamie had confessed all this in preparation for the talk with Eric, so she took over and finished it as best she could, all the while rubbing Jamie’s back as he buried his head in his hands on the table.

“Jamie…your dad….worked at a bar in Philly. He was waiting tables and the guy got too familiar with him…” She wanted to make it easy, but only a description of what actually occurred would make sense and bring eventual healing; even if it was too painful to hear at the moment.
“Jamie was leaning over to place the drinks on the table and the guy grabbed his crotch and ass. He found something he wasn’t looking for…” Eric’s eyes grew wide as he tried to avoid the inevitable conclusion. Bridey eliminated all doubt when she said,

“Jamie…was a …waitress, not a waiter. Your dad was “back and forth” as some say, and didn’t know what he wanted. He was living in Philly at the time with his cousin, and spent all of his time trying to decide if he wanted to be a she.” Eric’s eyes widened even further as Bridey continued.

“The guy followed Jamie out back and attacked her…yes, her. When it was all through, she had knife wounds in her chest and shoulder and the bastard had cut off one…” Bridey tried not to, but she cried none the less. “Jamie was left disfigured and near dead. She had managed to crawl out from the alley, where Annie and her friends were walking toward the diner down the street. She stopped and tried to get her friends to help, but they just told her to leave the girl alone and come away.

The barkeeper refused to let her use the phone, so Annie flagged down a cab and took her to the hospital. She thought nothing of helping a stranger in need, and left it in God’s hands after the doc said she was going to be okay. The bastard that did it ended up killing himself and his girlfriend by driving into the back of a semi the next week. A few days of phone calls and cards between Annie and Jamie slowly grew into weeks of inattention. By then your mother realized your birth dad got her pregnant and she had her own problems to deal with. I know things turned out okay for them, but then he died and she was left all by herself with a little boy to take care of.” Eric buried his own head in his arms and grabbed his dad’s hand as the three wept together. Bridey composed herself and continued.

“The bar didn’t want to deal with the fallout of the attack, and they settled with Jamie out of court; not a lot, but enough to start the Kitchen and Bath shop he has now. A few years later, your mom was looking for some help fixing up her bath when she walked into the store with you when you were five. “The” story of how they met; only they had met before. Your dad didn’t recognize Annie at first, but she remembered him, or rather, her. She hadn’t meant to embarrass him, but he was a little put off when she reminded him about that night. It would have ended right there, but she grabbed his hand when he turned away…” Bridey saw that Jamie had raised his head and was crying less. She looked at him as if to check if he was alright. He nodded and continued the story.

“She looked at me as if I was the only person on earth. I know it sounds corny, and it was Jamie the guy she was looking at, but she said that she wanted to know if I was okay. Then she said that she understood at least a little about my other…side, and that she wouldn’t mind getting to know…her. I couldn’t believe my ears. Here was a beautiful woman wanting to know the part of me almost everyone else hated. We fell in love; ridiculous and impractical and unrealistic. And I fell in love with her little boy; that part of the story is the best part now, since you’re still a part of my life. And you’re the wonderful gift she left for the whole world. We had decided after a while that no one would understand or accept Jamie, so she just went away. I had buried her in a way, and she didn’t come to mind until you told me about Eileen. I thought I must have said or done something; maybe you saw me and your mom? I didn’t know, and I felt so guilty and ashamed. And you remember how I said I hadn’t slept for a long time after she died? Every night for almost two months….without your mother to save me again…” He began to weep, and Bridey took him in her arms.

“He….she relived the attack; night after night; the insults; the abuse, the….rape.” Bridey choked on the words, but composed herself even as she comforted Jamie with the continued pats on the back. “That part she never shared, not even with Annie.” It was in that moment Bridey realized just much Jamie trusted her; telling her something so intimate yet painful that she never wanted to burden Annie with. She felt more than just a friend at that point and she was right. And the story proved to transform yet another. Eric got up from the table and walked around to where his father still lay on the table sobbing. He put his arms around his father while holding on to Bridey as well.

No words were spoken for minutes, but none were needed. He had forgiven his father and he knew their relationship was restored. In his eyes, his father was brave; a hero, someone he could look up to. And his gesture also provided a means of rescue for his father as well. And he knew one more thing. Once more, as we have seen time and time again, the restorative power of forgiveness renewed the love of the family and once again made room for more members to be loved and cherished.

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family

“I don’t really understand it; some people just love this color, but I really think a brighter color is better,” Karen said as she lifted the brush to cut in by the door trim.” The girls were painting the room after spending the previous day cleaning up and restoring some of the girl’s and her brother’s things after an ill-advised “rearrangement” of the room. Karen was wearing jeans and an old “University of Dublin” tee shirt she’d swiped from her dad. Standing next to her was a cute young lady, similarly dressed, but with a Phillies cap turned backward on her head. The cap covered an all-too-short hairstyle; hastily cut in a moment of doubt and uncertainty.

“Honey, Sandy Beach is a neutral tone, and will set off the Teal on the accent wall. Maybe Coral or Tomato for the bathroom, ‘kay?”

One thing for certain, at least something the two girls could absolutely agree on. They loved each other and they were happy that Eileen had rejoined her brother and father after a brief but almost unbearable absence. A voice called from the hallway.

“We’ll be back in about an hour. We’re picking up the new dresser for your room, and we’re getting Thai takeout for dinner. You two behave! “ Bridey popped her head in and smiled. She waved her left hand goodbye, more of a statement than a salutation. She never got tired of showing off the lovely ring on her left ring finger. She giggled only a little when she remembered it would be the first time out for Jamie; a fun adventure saved for the special day.

“We can watch whatever you’d like when we get back, okay.” Another voice softly said as an attractive woman stuck her head into the room long enough to give her fiancé a kiss.

“I want to watch the new episode of “The Next Top Chef,” Eileen said with a smile.

“But the Eagles are on Sunday Night Football,” Karen said.

Go figure!

Welcome to the Family

When the storms of life are strong
When you're wounded, when you don't belong
When you no longer hear my song
My blessing goes with you

The fellows walked off the field, tired and dejected only somewhat, having lost 19-10. Paddy Reagan patted each and every teammate on their back before walking to his car. He saw Eric Connors walking slowly off the field, looking anxious and hurried.

“Got a moment, lad?” He asked, motioning to Eric, who when seeing Paddy, became even more nervous, as if he expected something bad, which he did.

“Sure thing, Mr. Reagan.” Calling him Paddy on the field was one thing, but referring to his girlfriend’s father by his first name off the field was another.

“Dat’s okay, lad, you can still call me Paddy,” he said with a smile, but Eric remained nervous.

“I’ve been meaning to have a talk with you lad, and we just can’t keep puttin’ it off.” Paddy said as he sat on the hood of his car, shaking the sod off his cleats. Eric stood until Paddy patted the hood and pointed for Eric to sit down.
“I want you to know something, lad. It’s important for you to hear me out, because it concerns my daughter.” Eric immediately saw Karen’s face in his mind, and while the vision was beautiful, he was afraid of what Paddy was about to say.

“My daughter…my little girl. (Karen had just turned eighteen, so it was a doting father musing) means the world to me and her mother.”

“Here it comes,” Eric thought. Eric had been dating Karen for over a year; well, that isn’t quite true. Eric had been sharing Karen with his sister Eileen, who, as you know, was Eric’s femme alter ego. Eileen and Karen got along like girlfriends do, as well as getting along like “girlfriends,” if you follow me, giving her a decided edge over her “brother,” even though they were one in the same.

To make thing more interesting, Karen and the “twins” as Paddy referred to Eileen and Eric, were going to be going to Penn in the fall. Eric had actually been accepted into an accelerated program, because of his work in high school along with the college credits he had been taking. It had been monumental task for anyone, much less a boy who also balanced his school work with a relationship with a wonderful girl and his participation in the weekend rugby league. What made it remarkable was that he found the time to be “she,” making things hectic but interesting.

Even so, Eric was worried about how he was going to be treated, now that Karen was eighteen. Paddy no longer had the legal say-so for her life, but she was devoted to her parents, as all children of good people should be, and whatever Paddy would ask of her, she would do, no matter who it affected. Having a transgender girlfriend in a fleeting high school relationship might be one thing, but surely Paddy and Coleen would be thinking about their daughter’s long-term prospects, not only as a student and future doctor, but as perhaps a wife and mother. Eric put his head down, anticipating the worst. His eyes teared up, fearing the rejection that he had already experienced as Eileen from the few friends he had in school, along with the harassment that kids like he often receive.

A rough-hewn, large, but surprisingly gentle hand reached over and lifted Eric’s chin.

“Now none of that, lad. No need. Listen carefully. Karen is our treasure, lad. When her brother was born, we were the proudest happiest parents who ever loved a child; for two months until he died. Karen came along, and we just knew God had blessed us. Four more times we thought the same thing, and four times we lost each baby. We thought that God hated us, really we did. But each time we looked at Karen, with her smile and all, for all these years, we remembered we were blessed. Many’s a family that has lots of kids and is miserable because they don’t appreciate what they have. We learned a long time ago to be thankful for the wonderful blessing our daughter is, and that’s why we have to talk.”

Eric began to weep. He was nearly nineteen, but in so many ways, he still hadn’t left his pre-teenage emotion behind, having lost his mother suddenly only a few years ago. His coming to grips with his sexuality left him filled with doubt until he discovered that his step-father accepted his other half. Eric would learn later, you may recall, that his father had experienced a similar conflict when he was Eric’s age, and that his dad had his own alter-ego. All this led to confusion and doubt that came and went with all-too-frequent regularity for both Jamie and his son, save for the help of understanding friends and a good counselor.

“I tought oy said none of dat?” Paddy’s accent thickened as he tried to lighten the mood.

“I trust my daughter; I’d trust her with my life if it came to it. You need to know that.”

Eric looked at Paddy, trying to figure out just what he was driving at. Paddy did him a favor and actually got to the point.

“She loves you, lad. I know she’s only eighteen, and yes, she’s still my baby, but I know she has a good heart and a bright mind, lad, so if she loves you, there must be somethin’ good about it all. And before you start cryin’ again, I know she’s attracted to that other part of you. I’ve told you, lad. There’s an awful lot of your mother in you, and that’s a good thing. Most lads don’t usually show it the way you do, but as I’ve said before, who da fook cares, anyway. You are a good…no, you’re a great young man, who just happens to like wearin’ a dress once and a while. Losin’ five babies made me tink more about what’s important, and you have a heart of gold, as the little folk might say. You are da best ting dat could ever happen to my daughter.”

Eric couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Paddy Reagan had just said, not in so many words, that he was accepting…..

“What I’m tryin’ to say is, Welcome to the family, whichever you choose to be.” Paddy did something next that he swore to anyone who would listen that it never happened, but he actually reached over and hugged Eric and kissed him on the forehead.

In the morning when you rise
I bless the sun, I bless the skies
I bless your lips, I bless your eyes
My blessing goes with you

Bridey and Jamie sat on the couch. She had her head in his lap, and was enjoying the attention his fingers were giving her hair.

“I need to know one thing, sweetheart. Whatever answer you give me won’t affect my decision one iota. You are my darlin’ and I can’t wait ‘til we’re married.” Bridey looked up at Jamie with an almost impish grin, and she followed her smile with a long, lingering kiss. Jamie looked down and smiled back, closing his eyes as if to imagine what her question would be. He knew, almost in an uncanny way, what it was she wanted to know. They weren’t psychic; they didn’t believe much in that. They just had become so much a part of each other; that they almost knew all the time within the context of what was going on what each other was thinking.

“Yes up top, no down below.” Jamie almost giggled. They were actually teasing, since the two had already come to a decision based on past disappointments and regrets. Phil, Bridey’s late husband, had never become Lisa other than in the home. She had actually decided to transition but died before she and Bridey had the chance to see things through. And Jamie had discussed things over with his own wife Annie, but she died before they had the chance even to come to any conclusion. Bridey and Jamie weren’t about to make the same mistake. Jamie was already in the process of beginning his move to Philadelphia. He already had sold his Kitchen and Bathroom business and was in the process of moving into a position to run the financial end of Bridey’s studio and gallery. And he had begun to take hormones, nothing spectacular, but something new none the less.

“I was thinking the same thing.” Not to be vulgar, but Bridey looked forward in anticipation to enjoying all of her new mate on her wedding night. There’d just be a little more to enjoy, so to speak. They had planned very prayerfully to wait, like some do, until their wedding night to unite, and the wedding was only a few weeks away. Jamie, in deference to the solemnity of the day, would wear traditional clothing befitting a loving groom, while Bridey would wear her mother’s wedding dress. What each wore on the honeymoon and beyond was a matter of conjecture at the moment, but the choices were of color and design rather than gender, since Bridey was marrying Jamie Lynn Connors.

This is my prayer for you
There for you, ever true
Each, every day for you
In everything you do

And when you come to me
And hold me close to you
I bless you
And you bless me, too

The bride and groom danced the afternoon away after a lovely ceremony attended by some family and friends. Kenny Reilly from the team came with his beautiful wife Connie. Most of the team came as well and they all behaved themselves. A new friend came as a guest at the last minute, even though she’d been invited as someone else. Dr. Gina arrived at the wedding early, accompanied by her spouse, Dr. Katie Kelly. Ben was still a part of their relationship, but they had decided after much prayer and discussion that they wanted to enjoy this part of their relationship in public; Katie was already counseling in her ministry; it was almost as if to encourage others as well as certainly enjoying this growing aspect of their love for each other. (Ben was actually the only teammate who “didn’t’ attend the wedding) Eric served as his father’s best man, and Karen was maid of honor for her second cousin. It was a beautiful reception attended by a lovely wedding party that was about to get “prettier.”

Bridey walked up to Eric and whispered in his ear.

“I’ve got a favor to ask, and only you can help, darlin’” She said and handed him a room key. “Coleen is upstairs in my room waiting for you. I’ll see you in about a half-hour.” Eric looked at Bridey who smiled back and finished, “It’s something for both of us, sweetheart, you’ll understand when you get up there.”

About forty minutes later, a knock came at the door of the hotel room. Colleen opened it to find Bridey and Karen, still bedecked in their wedding finery. Bridey looked past Colleen to see the photographer setting up her camera in front of a backdrop. And in the middle of the room stood a lovely young lady, attired in a nice bridesmaid’s outfit identical to Karen’s. Looking only a little embarrassed, her cheeks slightly pink, adding to her adorable complexion was Eileen Connors. Bridey walked up and kissed her on the cheek.

“This means the world to me, and I hope to you. I can’t take the place of your mother, sweetheart, but I hope at least we can be sisters.” She had tears in her eyes, having loved this girl from the moment they met.

“It’s more than I could even hope for, and no, you aren’t my sister, Bridey.” She leaned over and kissed Bridey on the lips like family and said, “I love you, Mom!”

After about a half an hour of shooting, the photographer kissed Bridey on the cheek and bade her farewell; planning later to retrieve her equipment. Colleen kissed Bridey and Karen and Eileen and left to return to the reception. Bridey walked up to Eileen once again and said.

“I think you two need to be alone for a few minutes. You’ll have to change and meet us downstairs. I’ll see you in a little while, okay, honey?” She kissed the girls both and left to return for the end of the reception and their departure, leaving Karen alone with Eileen.

“I hope Eric doesn’t mind, but I think I rather like you more, even if I love you both the same, does that make sense?” She smiled, but there were tears in her eyes. Eileen made no reply other than a nod. Karen leaned over and began to kiss Eileen. She kissed her on the ear, on the fleshy part just in front. She kissed her on the eye, by the cheek. She kissed her on the nose, just by the brow. And she kissed her on the lips again and again.

“I love you…I’ve loved you since we first met at the rugby game. I was so afraid that you’d hate me.” Eileen started to cry, but instead of letting that take her away, she began to kiss Karen. She kissed her on the forehead, just below her hair. She kissed her on her neck, just behind her ear. She kissed her on her chin, right where the little line divides it. She kissed her on the cheek, right on her left dimple. And she kissed her on the lips again and again. A few moments later, but what felt like a blissful eternity, the two parted.

And when you come to me
And hold me close to you
I bless you
And you bless me, too

I bless you
And you bless me, too

There’s something incredibly exciting about a girl helping a boy take off his makeup, if I may be so bold. And they enjoyed that for a few minutes until Karen sat down on the chair by the desk and Eric returned to the bathroom to change.

She stood as Eric came back into the room, perhaps more handsome than she had ever remembered. She started to cry softly again and frowned as if to apologize.

“Do you mind me kissing Eileen like that?” She asked timidly, almost looking away in embarrassment.

“No, not at all, not if you don’t mind me kissing you like this?” He took her in his arms and kissed her more passionately perhaps than any boy had ever kissed a girl. They kissed for only a few moments, but again it was like a wistful eternity before they parted.

“Eric…” Karen said quietly.

“Yes?”

“I’ve changed my mind. I like you just as much as Eileen. Will you both….”

“We will…I…we…I planned on asking your Dad and Mom tonight after Dad and Bridey leave. “Will you marry…us?”

“Oh, yes!”

[All of this I, I can't believe I couldn't see
Kept in the dark, but you were there in front of me]

The couple had been married only nine hours. They spent their wedding night at the hotel where the reception was held, and apart from the broken ice machine down the hallway, everything else was wonderful. Jamie sat on the sofa in their suite. I suppose it's quite odd to go from a tuxedo to a teddy, but it was their wedding night after all. On the other hand, Bridey wore nothing at all. She was pouring some wine into two plastic cups, which were "sanitized for their protection." Nothing about the room seemed all that romantic and yet the two were smiling and laughing all the same.

"Hello, Mrs. Connors," Jamie said, nuzzling Bridey's neck as she attempted to sip her wine. She actually spilled some on the carpet, evoking a giggle from Jamie. It was perhaps the first time Jamie had ever giggled in her lifetime. Of course, "her" lifetime was just getting started, having spent the first twenty-seven years of her life as a "he." Bridey put down the cup and began to caress her lover's breast. They had only "test driven" the new equipment once after her surgery, and then only because it was something that was new. But every other aspect of their physical relationship was reserved for this night. No strangers to sex, both having been married before, but this evening was unique and wonderful and odd in a nice way and they wanted tonight to be special.

"I like these," Bridey said as she brushed her fingernails against Jamie's nipples, sending an altogether new and electric feeling throughout Jamie's body.

Bring me to life
[I've been living a lie.. There's nothing inside]
Bring me to life

In the softest, most lovely voice she had ever used, Jamie said, "They're yours to do with what you will, my dear." She leaned back and pulled her new bride into her for a kiss. Bridey pressed her lips hard against Jamie's, with a relish that neither had experienced. While they enjoyed their late spouses in every way, this obviously was different for a variety of reasons. First, Jamie's love for his first wife, while touching and tender, was also very tentative and even modest. Jamie had been assaulted and raped as a young man while living outwardly as a woman. Annie had rescued him physically by attending to him and seeing him to the hospital. But after a long absence, they met again, and fell in love.

Annie always accepted Jamie's femme persona, even as he felt shame and guilt. His love with Annie was tender yet reserved, and he never felt much like a man after being partially mutilated years before in that attack. Annie never brought that up, and almost took pains to build him up as a man and a father to her son. But it was only after getting help for his son that he realized his own dilemma of identity, and understood and accepted himself for the woman he was to become.

[Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul]
{Don't let me die here}{there must be something more}
Bring me to life

"I love you, sweetheart," Bridey said as she lavished her new mate with kisses; kisses that might have meant little more than loving signs of affection when Jamie was a man. But now, even if her change was partial and cosmetic, the same kisses meant the world to her. She actually felt like she belonged; like she was finally who she was meant to be. Now, some might be surprised that she chose to stay complete in other "areas." Bridey wanted at least a try at having children. She was only thirty-two, and Jamie was five years younger than her. She didn't want a surrogate or a replacement. As odd as this sounds, she wanted her wife's children, so they decided to keep that part of Jamie that would enable all of their dreams to come true. And truth be told, pardon me if this sounds crude, but she loved that part of her new bride. The best of both worlds, I suppose.

Ive been sleeping a thousand years it seems
Got to open my eyes to everything

Bridey leaned forward and used her fingernails to gently tease her wife with a soft gouge or scratch in just the right place, evoking the first "uuuuhhhmmm" that had ever left Jamie's mouth. She kissed her on the neck, just behind the ear, and began nibbling at her lobe, evoking a similar but louder sigh. Jamie turned to her and kissed her wife and began to cry. One might attribute the display of emotion to the new hormones in her body, but truthfully, the dose was small, herbal, and one time only. It was the emotion of the moment, where she looked into Bridey's eyes and saw the look of love, if you pardon the expression. Bridey was categorically, absolutely devastatingly madly in love with her new wife, and her eyes showed that love in a way that made Jamie feel complete and whole for the first time in her life.

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and {make me real}
Bring me
To life

"Am I yours as well, my dear?" Bridey said, her own eyes filled with tears. She had lived as a widow for so long, unfulfilled and lonely. Her first love had only just begun to transition to her real self- Lisa O'Casey....when she died suddenly. Bridey lost two that day; you may recall another losing her lover and husband, one in the same, at the same time (See Another Secret-Beginnings) Bridey was filled with a wonder almost as strong as Jamie's. After Lisa died, she believed she would never love again, and yet here they were. Newlyweds; lovers, friends, companions for life; filled with more promise and life than either had ever dared hope for.

[wake me up] Wake me up inside
[I can't wake up] Wake me up inside
[Save me] Call my name and save me from the dark
[Wake me up] Bid my blood to run
[I cant wake up] Before I come undone
[Save me] Save me from the nothing I've become

"You are mine, Mrs. Connors. May I kiss your breast?"

"You certainly may, Mrs. Connors....no..wait. What am I saying...that's not right." She looked at Jamie with mock horror before laughing and saying softly in Jamie's ear,

"You certainly may, Ms. Connors." She smiled, and pressed herself against Jamie's body. "But only if i get to enjoy this," she said as she reached under the nightgown and caressed her lover's now-erect penis."

"After all- we are married, are we not?"

"Jamie buried her face in Bridey's chest and cooed,

"That we are, my sweet love; that we are."

The End...for now!

Treasure - from Beyond These Shores by Iona - Joanne Hogg; Phil Bainbridge; Troy Donockley; Phil Barker; and Frank van Essen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMppT0MdWMg

In My Daughter’s Eyes — Recorded by Martina McBride; Words and Music by James Slater
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLS0Y40WwlA

The Blessing - from The Journey - Celtic Woman
Words and Music by Brendan Graham and David Downes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ym8pZhOPDI

Bring Me To Life - Evanescence
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKer9hry-Gg

Kudos

Eileen in Genderland - the Novella

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