Joan makes a new friend. Jared becomes an integral part of everyone's future... The band just keeps getting better and better...

Chapter 12

We Gotta Get Out Of This Place

We chatted for a bit and she watched me while I worked. "So, Joan, what’s your mother doing today?" I was half-stunned. I had no idea what my mother was doing today. Should I simply say so? "You should have invited her over." I had no idea how to respond to that, so I simply told her that I thought my mother had gone with my Aunt to visit her daughter. I really didn’t feel like talking to mom at the moment.

She sensed my need for space and finally left me in peace to cook burgers and hot dogs. Thankfully the patties were already formed and all I had to do was peel them off the paper and toss them on the grill. It didn’t take long before I felt the grease coating my face and arms. I was left to serve for over an hour. While I appreciated the solitude from a conversational standpoint, I was beginning to get annoyed.

Half an hour later, I’d had enough. I spied the three of them off in the distance. Billy, Sam, and Sarah seemed to be having a wonderful time. There was a break in the action at the grill and I simply took off my apron and walked away. I was determined to leave and nothing or no one was going to stop me. I looked over at Sam, laughing and joking with the others and felt resentful. I hated myself for my feelings. He should be able to have a good time with his friends. As much as I wanted to believe and accept that, I couldn’t in as much as his friends appeared to be Billy and Sarah.

I debated with myself as to whether I should tell him I was leaving. Would it ruin his day? Would he be upset with me and beg me to stay? Finally, I decided that he wouldn’t miss me at all. At least, I was hoping that would be the case. I just didn’t feel comfortable being there. Fred was digging deep into his collection and spinning actual vinyl. He seemed to be having a grand old time chatting with his friends.

I decided I’d better tell somebody before heading out and figured that Fred would probably be my safest bet. Aunt Vivian would find some way to make me stay as would Sam or Darla. I made sure Fred understood I was leaving. For a moment I wasn’t sure I had his attention. And then, then he begged me to stay. He said he wanted us to play a few tunes for the guests later. I didn’t want to argue about it. I told him I wasn’t feeling well and begged him to tell Sam and Darla when he spoke with them.

Without waiting for him to respond, I turned around and made my exit. I felt better as I closed the front door behind me. A huge sigh of relief escaped me and I felt like I was able to breathe for the first time in hours. I wasn’t sure where to head. Should I walk home and see how Mom was doing? Should I make my way to the boardwalk and attempt to absorb a bit of the last gasp of summer? Or, should I simply go home and change and go back to work?

My body decided for me as I continued walking absentmindedly. I found myself in need of my key as I attempted to open our front door. Shandy seemed beyond happy to see me. I yelled out to see if anyone was home and was answered with total silence. I found myself worried about my mother as I made my way into the kitchen.

There was a note from her left on the kitchen table telling me that I shouldn’t worry about her that she’d gone with Aunt Melissa for the day. I sat there reading it with the dog’s head in my lap. I felt guilty. Mom and I hadn’t exchanged twenty words with each other in the last week or so. I found myself hoping she was alright and vowed that I’d spend some time with her tomorrow. I felt both free and alone at the same time. Alone, but not lonely. As I contemplated the distinction I smiled deep inside.

I played with Shandy for about half an hour and prepared her a special dinner. She seemed very happy to have my company. I put on a pot of coffee and sat at the table while I waited for it to provide enough liquid to fill my cup. I grabbed my coffee and my purse and made my way into the backyard. I was expecting silence. Instead I was met with the laughter and music of parties going on all around me. Instead of absorbing the feelings, the sounds actually depressed me. I had to remind myself that I was alone by choice.

I finished my coffee and smoke and decided to head for the boardwalk. It was just after six o’clock as I made my way towards the madness and mayhem. I was searching for something that couldn’t be found: freedom. I was bound in so many ways that I knew there was no means of escape available. The best I could do was to put them all out of my head and pretend they didn’t exist, if only for awhile.

I so wanted to bring my guitar with me and sing to the waves. It was far too busy and light out for me to make that choice. I reasoned that I could simply sing to the waves if need be. I held Shandy’s snout in my hands and kissed her tenderly as I said goodbye. I felt totally unencumbered as I made my way to the boardwalk. The sounds became louder as I drew nearer.

I removed the estrogen tablets from my purse. I snapped one of the tablets free of the blister pack. I’d taken to letting the little blue pill dissolve slowly under my tongue. My research indicated that such administration would provide better results and prove less harmful to my body as a whole. Just walking along with the estrogen slowly seeping into my bloodstream made me feel better.

The boardwalk seemed to be filled to capacity with last minute revelers. I smiled achingly
at the babies in strollers as their mothers pushed them past. I wondered if I could count myself among them next summer. I smiled hopefully at the thought of me and Sam pushing the twins up and down the boardwalk. Would we get one of those strollers that were arranged horizontally or vertically? I had no idea which one would be better. I reasoned that the kids would enjoy being next to one another as opposed to one being ahead of the other.

I bought myself a sausage sub. The purchase had been easy, but I had to wait a few minutes before a table cleared and I could sit down to eat it. A young man in the same predicament wandered around till finally he eyed me pleadingly as his eyes flirted back and forth between my own and the empty chair across from me. Although I wasn’t in the mood for any company, I smiled at him and he took that as an invitation and sat down. He introduced himself as Jared and began assaulting me with questions. Asking me what such a pretty girl was doing all alone on the last summer Sunday etc. I smiled at him briefly one last time but refused to participate in conversation. I continued eating my sandwich and ignored him with more confidence than I was feeling. He finally took the hint and turned his attention towards his own food.

I felt a brief stab of guilt. Despite his questions, Jared wasn’t coming on to me. I finally bit the bullet and asked him what such a handsome hunk was doing all alone. The answer was in his eyes. A deep look of sadness swam about his face as he stared at me silently. "Surely it can’t be that bad?" I asked him.

Out of nowhere he began his tale. "We’d been together for five years," he said wistfully. There was no need for further explanation. "Laura was my life," he continued. I didn’t want to hear any more. I felt like running. When will I learn to simply keep my mouth shut? He sensed my discomfort and I could see him arguing with himself as to whether or not he should continue. As much as I didn’t want to know, I just had to ask.

"What happened?" I really didn’t want to know, but I could sense he needed to tell me.

"We were supposed to get married," he said staring at my wedding band. He looked from my ring to my face over and over. I could tell he wanted to ask me about it, but he didn’t and I wasn’t in the mood to volunteer the information.

"And?" I asked urging him to continue. He looked even sadder if that was possible.

"And, I broke it off at the altar. Just two hours ago, in fact." My jaw dropped. He smiled at that. "It really wasn’t that bad, and, it was the kindest thing I could have done for both of us." I wanted to ask him where his tuxedo was. He was wearing cutoffs and a ratty tee shirt. But, he was clean and in his way, neat. His curly hair dripped casually over the tips of his ears. His smoky gray eyes alternated between sadness and hope.

I had absolutely no idea how old he was. It didn’t seem to matter. If I had to guess, I’d have said mid-twenties. "So, what’s your story?" he asked nodding at my wedding ring. Maybe it would be best to share my entire story with a total stranger. I laughed as I realized he’d beg me to shut up before I could get three sentences out.

"Me? I’m fourteen years old and a newlywed myself. My husband got pregnant," I said and began giggling insanely. "I have to go back to school on Tuesday and I’m not sure I can handle that. I find myself wishing that I was anywhere but here. That I was anyone but myself. Heard enough yet?"

I could tell that I’d completely confused him. He didn’t seem repulsed though. "Forgive me, but your story makes no sense," he said with understanding. Well, I opened the door. My response would have either shut him up or had him inquiring further. I couldn’t decide whether I was happy that he wanted to know more or depressed about it. The time flew by as I spread my life before his eager eyes. He listened intently as I spelled it all out for him. There was a certain kindness in his eyes the likes of which I’d never seen before.

Finally, I finished and looked up at him eagerly waiting for his response. I had no idea why it mattered what he thought, but it did. "Are you sure you’re only fourteen?" he asked in disbelief. I laughed aloud and asked him if I’d ever lied to him before. It was his turn to join me in laughter. I should have felt uncomfortable in his presence but for some reason I didn’t.

Before I knew it we were strolling the boards. There was no physical contact and that was by design on both of our parts. We’d clearly set those boundaries given our respective stations in life. It was almost like talking to an older brother that I never had. His insights into life were different from those of my parents’ generation. There was still enough of a kid in him that he could appreciate and understand all that I was saying.

My depression slowly lifted as we continued walking. Maybe there was hope out there somewhere. I was beyond amazed that he accepted me for who I was. It seemed almost stupid, but we bought each other some ice cream. We seemed to be helping each other in ways that were unexplainable.

"So, Jared, what kind of work do you do?"

"Good question Joan. I’ve been wondering that very same thing." His reply drew the only response it could have. I looked up at him with knitted eyebrows.

"You see, at Laura’s insistence I quit my teaching job at the end of the spring semester and went to work for her father. He’s a building contractor. Actually, I was glad to get out of teaching, it wasn’t for me. Although they did offer to renew my contract with a tidy raise thrown in. Still, it wasn’t anything I wanted to pursue. But now? Well, I guess after this afternoon I no longer have a job." He laughed aloud and said it was alright.

Suddenly, an idea occurred to me. I directed out walk towards Webster Ave. He looked at me strangely when I took his hand and pulled him off of the boardwalk. Two minutes later we were standing in front of the Ryan Inn. The facade of the building stood out proud and tall. He eyed me suspiciously as I removed the key to the front door from my purse. "And we’re here because?"

"I wanted to show you what I’ve been working on. In the past week myself and my team painted the entire exterior of the building," I said proudly. He laughed and shook his head. He found it impossible to believe that I’d be heading up such a project. I looked him up and down and made a quick decision. "If you’re looking for a job, I can offer you ten dollars an hour to start." He looked at me and laughed even harder. Apparently I’d insulted him and now he was returning the favor. The tears began building in my eyes.

He appraised me carefully. "Make it twelve dollars an hour to start and you’ve got yourself a hand," he said and extended his hand out towards my own. He wasn’t laughing any longer. He was serious. If it didn’t work out, would I be able to fire him? He read the apprehension in my eyes. "Don’t worry Joan, we’ll try it for a few days and, if you’re not happy with my work, we’ll simply part friends."

I tried to convince myself that we’d be helping each other out. He was surely used to making a lot more money than twelve dollars an hour. I only hoped he was up to the task of some serious physical exertion. He looked beyond fit. "One thing, Joan, I have no place to stay. If I’m going to take this job on, I trust you’re going to include a room plus my hourly rate."

I was getting in over my head. I had no idea if that would be acceptable. I had a strong inkling that it wouldn’t be. Still, I was anxious to prove my own authority and accepted his terms. He smiled at me and we shook on it. If he was as good as he looked, the rest of the job would be a snap. If he wasn’t, it could get dicey. I couldn’t keep falling back on the fact that I was just a fourteen year old kid. I’d been given a huge responsibility to get this job done. I looked at him solemnly and asked him if he was doing anything tomorrow.

He laughed at my question. Tomorrow was labor day. "Are you going to be paying me time and a half tomorrow?" he asked seriously. I told him no, and went on to tell him if he wanted the job that I’d expect him there at nine o’clock tomorrow morning. We spent a bit of time touring the building. I told him what I wanted done and gave him my own time estimate as to how long it should all take. He lovingly caressed the banister that I’d sanded. "You do nice work," he said to me and smiled.

I told him that I’d give him a key to the place tomorrow and he could take up residence in the one bedroom that Aunt Melissa had already finished. His smile grew wider as he accepted my mastery of the entire situation. I got his cell phone number, gave him one of my business cards, and we parted. I had to talk with Mr. Hospin, and soon about getting paid for the work that I’d already completed. Hell, I now needed five hundred dollars a week to pay someone and I hadn’t a clue whether or not he was up to the task. Still, I felt confident that it was all going to work out.

We said our good byes, and I told him I’d see him in the morning. I locked up the building and instead of going home, I made my way back to Darla’s. There was a certain bounce in my step that hadn’t been there earlier in the day. I felt a thousand times happier than I’d been when I left there earlier in the afternoon. About a block away from her home I heard it. The sound of the bass drum and a driving bass line began vibrating throughout my body. As I drew nearer, I could hear the soft sound of a guitar echoing off of the houses.

It wasn’t till I heard Fred’s voice that the sadness struck me. Was I being replaced? I was tired of running and hiding and continued making my way to the front door. I didn’t bother knocking this time. I simply walked through the house and into the backyard. I found myself thinking that any band that had Fred for its lead singer would be a good one. I was determined not to get upset. I’d walked away of my own accord. Had I really expected the party to end just because I didn’t want to be there? I grabbed a coke out of a cooler and sat down to listen. They played songs I’d never heard before and a few that we’d practiced to death.

The new guy was good. He was a dedicated bass player and was far better at it than either Fred or myself. I smiled as I realized he couldn’t sing. Not that he didn’t try, he just didn’t have the goods. A huge sigh of relief escaped me as I sat there and continued watching them play. They were good, but "we" were better. Still, I knew in my heart that being better wasn’t any guarantee of anything.

A pair of hands began gently massaging my shoulders. I jumped three feet in the air and half a can of coke spilled all over me. I turned around to see Sam laughing at me and the syrupy liquid running down the front of my top. I smiled at him in return and hugged him tight. "I’m glad you came back sweetheart, you really had me worried," he whispered.

Yeah, you were worried, I thought, but, not too worried to come after me. I didn’t want to be angry with him. "They sound pretty good, don’t you think?" he asked seriously.

"Not too shabby," I had to agree.

"Why don’t you go over there and let them know you’re here? I’m sure you’d be invited to join in." When I made no move in that direction he began shouting "Let Joan sing! Let Joan sing!" I was embarrassed down to my bones. Fred begged me over the PA to come up and join them. I quickly eyed the exit before reminding myself that I came to stay this time. I walked up onto the makeshift stage and picked up the Martin.

Before anyone could say anything I began playing the intro chords of "Drive." Darla soon joined in with the pulsating beat. Fred smiled at me and provided perfect harmonies. "Whatever tomorrow brings I’ll be there, with open arms and open eyes." I tried not to, but I couldn’t help myself. I smiled back at him.

The extra guitar really made a difference. Fred handled the lead during the break. It was perfect. Still, the idea of going forward as just the three of us really appealed to me somehow. Trios always excited me for some reason. It seems they brought something extra to the table by bringing less. The Who and Green Day sprang to mind. I laughed and considered Darla and myself doing our own version of the White Stripes.

The song soon ended and I was hooked. We played for about half an hour before Fred grew tired and demanded a break. "Joan, I’m so glad that you came back. I hope you’re feeling better?" he asked and his eyes grinned at me mischievously. I punched him in the shoulder. That had been the wrong thing to do. He picked me up and dumped me in the deep end of the pool. Everyone in attendance laughed as I struggled to rise to the surface.

I finally managed to make my way to a side ladder and climb out. Sam eyed him threateningly. I decided to take matters into my own hands. While I couldn’t manhandle Fred, I could provide enough of a driving force to send the both of us steamrollering into the water. That’s exactly what I did.

I made my exit before he could make his own. He came out of the pool with his hands raised high and begged: "Truce!" Darla ran over to him with a towel and I smiled smugly at the both of them with water dripping down everywhere. No one brought me a towel. I shook my head from side to side like a dog in from a rain storm. Darla laughed at that and ran off to grab a towel for me. We were all friends again. I had no idea what had happened to Billy and Sarah, and truth be told, I didn’t care.

The rest of the evening passed quickly. When we were finally home and getting ready for bed I realized that this would be the last night that I wouldn’t have to get up in the morning and head off to school. I really didn’t want to go. Maybe it would turn out like Darla’s party? It would suck at first, but in the end I’d be having a good time. I began wondering whether or not Jared would actually show up for work in the morning.

I still hadn’t mentioned him to Sam. There really wasn’t any reason to. Well, until Sam came by with lunch and asked me who he was. Still, there was no way he could be jealous of Jared, was there? I hoped I knew Sam better than that. I decided it wasn’t worth me worrying about.

Sam and I made warm and passionate love for the longest time before we finally drifted off to sleep. I loved having him beside me. I wasn’t sure if I could ever sleep alone again. I only knew I didn’t want to…