"Oh, HELLO!? What IS this? It's soooo Pretty!!!!!"

You should have realized by now that I'm no longer a red blooded American male.

I don't know how they could stand not to wear this outfit all the time, but I'd noticed many of the girls in the halls in other clothing as we'd walked past. It was the prettiest and most shimmery skirt and vest I'd ever seen. It was a sort of blue gray, with these red side shimmers. Okay, I don't know how to really describe it. Basically, if you looked at it straight on, it was blue. As you get closer to looking across it, the color shifts into more of a red.

I was engrossed tilting the fabric this way and that, and generally just enjoying myself when Dani cleared her throat and said, "what? They're just grey?"

"Blue. . red. . .you can't see this?"

She continued as if I hadn't said anything, "anyway all the girls I know complain about how short they are, and with your height. . ."

I hadn't had the opportunity to go burgundy yet, but I know that was the exact shade I turned at her comment. I could just imagine what my Pa would say if he were to see me in that getup. And every time I tried to get my color under control, right back to burgundy at the thought of how much leg I would be showing.

My Pa woulda been ecstatic. His little boy all grown up and in a skirt no less.

Dani broke me out of my reveille, reverie, whatever, "Look. . .what do I call you now? Most of us come up with our own girl names. What would you like?"

I thought about it a moment, and I had the perfect name, "Amanda Helena Louise Phillipa Magdalena Forsythe, Queen of all she surveys!"

Dani just began to laugh at me.

"What?"

"You are ridiculous, you know that, Amanda, or is it Helena? Maybe Louise?"

Ok, you know how everyone says that anger is red? I've never believed that myself, and it seems I was always right.

Anger is yellow.

Sure, there is a touch of red in it. It's not a canary or anything. It's like the first rays of sunlight through smoke.

That was the color I turned in that instant.

"Take it back!"

"You were serious?"

"The queen of everything crack was a joke."

"Why the long name?"

"I don't want to go into it."

"Ok, Amanda, you can have the mouthful."

Joy is a canary yellow. I didn't stay that color very long before I was back to burgundy. You don't know how embarrassing it is to be canary yellow.

"Just put the clothing on Louise."

"Instead of changing my name every time you address me, just call me your majesty." I smiled.

"Nope. You're now officially Phillipa."

"Oh, pooh."

"You're the one who chose it."

I began to undress so I could try on the new uniform, when Dani yelled at me again. "Not out here! There are boys walking past. . .well not so much anymore as they're all kind of staring now."

There I was, in sweatpants and nothing else. Yeah, you guessed it. I'd left the bra back in the infirmary. I was NOT going to wear a bra. A guy had to draw the line somewhere. Well, now I wished that I'd at least worn the bra.

Ok, the rest of what happened in the wardrobe as more embarrassment for me, and a lot of laughs for Dani.

In short wackiness ensued. No, it didn't end up in whipped cream or feathers or even compromising situations. That came later.

In the end, I found myself barely covered in the uniform, playing with my color a bit, trying to match the exact hue of the cloth.

I couldn't quite get it for some reason.

"Dani, what's this uniform made out of? For some reason, I just can't match the hue on my skin."

"It's just the uniform, Phillipa."

"I've decided I want Helena more right now."

"Ok, Helena."

I took a deep breath and changed my colors back to normal skin tone with my makeup and multicolored hair, and turned to head out of the Wardrobe.

"Helena, you haven't picked out the rest of your clothing yet."

Okay, so I stood there dumfounded. More clothing? I'd only ever had the one set at home, and that I'd washed in the creek once a week, at the same time I washed myself. Pa said it was more efficient that way. . .of course I never seen him do that with any of his girly clothing, so maybe I was under different rules now.

It dawned on me that I had left civilization behind. I mean, who in their right mind washed themselves more than once a week.

I told Dani as much.

"You have so much to learn, Helena, about being a girl."

"Magdalena."

"What?"

"I changed my mind, stop calling me Magdalena, call me Louise again."

"Damn it, Amanda, stop changing your mind!"

I turned a light pink, and quickly corrected myself before my tone got any deeper. Not that there really was anyone shallower than me in tone right now.

I took a deep breath and looked around. "So, how much of this can I take?"

"As much as you need. . .at least a weeks. . .stop trying to leave!"

"What? I have a weeks worth of clothes on me, like I said."

"In the center you will change your underwear once a day, and you will change your outerwear at least that often."

"Really? I will have that much clothing? Where will I keep it all. Not like I can wear it all at the same time."

"Amanda, trust me, pick out about fifteen outfits and twice that in underwear, and lets go get you some lunch."

"I could eat some horse."

"Don't you mean 'eat a horse'?"

"Nope."

She didn't inquire further, so I figured that she must be up for some horse as well. Mustang is especially good, but nowhere near venison. I just figured that they'd be more likely to have horse down here.

We picked out some outfits, and I was amazed at her lack of any style sense. I mean, she would pick out hues that clashed like nothing else. I would have to pick a slightly differently colored top or bottom from the same rack and she'd look at me like I was crazy.

"Those are the same color as what I just picked. Why do you keep changing out pieces for the exact same piece? Stop doing that!"

"You mean you can't see that? How this color of yellow and this color of yellow clash?"

She blinked at me a couple of times as her jaw dropped open.

"You can tell the difference between these shades of yellow?"

"Can't everyone? Up until this morning I was apparently completely color blind, so I don't rightly know."

She recovered quickly and lead me out the door saying, "the clothing will be delivered to your room."

Wow, we had servants here as well as everything else? That's so cool. Maybe I really was Queen of all I surveyed.

We entered the lunchroom next. I'd been so intent on changing my skin tone again, you know matching it to the walls again, that I had no idea where we until I looked up at the sudden increase in sound.

No wackiness ensued, mores the pity. I guess I'd exceeded my wackiness quota for the day. Who decides that anyway?

I got my meal from the line, sat down, and just looked at my meal. Nothing else. No one really talked to me for a while, or it may be that I was really bummed that they had neither venison, horse, nor pheasant. How was a guy. . .I blushed burgundy when I remembered that I wasn't a guy any longer.

"Is that your ability?" a quiet voice asked me.

"Yep, I change colors."

"Oh, That's pretty cool I guess. Better than mine."

"What's your ability?"

"I'm the center of attention, as long as I speak in a normal voice."

"Freaks and misfits unite!" and so saying I took a big forkful of whatever it was I'd put on my plate.

It tasted like nothing at all. Ok, that's a little odd. I tried the fries next. Nothing. The orange juice? Nothing.

"You've got to be SH. . ."