"You've got to be SH. . ."

"Watch your tongue please, Ms. Forsyth!"

"Um, who are you?"

"I'm Ms. Fine."

That's what she said. I mean really. You should see her. If ever a name was more appropriate. . .

No I didn't say it aloud. My Pa didn't raise no slack jawed idiot. Just me.

So, I sat back down in my seat, silently fuming about the fact I can't taste anything when I start to hear this giggling behind me. I turn in my seat, and see one of those rarest of creatures: A guy giggler.

"What's so funny?" I ask in my sweetest voice possible. Well, my sweetest voice and my most savage smile.

"I'm sorry. That was my fault."

"Jeremy, did you make it so she couldn't taste her food," the girl behind me said. I immediately turned to look at her. It was like I was compelled. So did everyone else in the room.

She almost blushed burgundy. I was impressed. "Sorry," she whispered into the now quiet room. We all went back to what we were doing, which was me actually looking at the girl who'd spoken.

"What do you mean. . ."

"Francine."

"You picked that name?"

She blushed and nodded. I shrugged. Who was I to complain, really? I mean remember my name? Good, I'm trying to forget.

"What do you mean he did this to me?"

"Jeremy can turn off one sense of one person within ten feet," she said in her original quiet voice.

"Yeah, they always have me practicing sight, but the others are more fun. Especially taste or hearing."

"Look, Jeremy?'

"Yeah?"

"Stop using your power on me or I'll bury my foot up to my ankle in your hind parts."

He got a sort of faraway look in his eye.

"Eww. That's just gross," great, he's one of those. A conservative.

"I meant I will kick your sorry, hairy, white. . ."

"Ms. Forsyth."

Ok, so Ms. Fine was getting on my nerves. And how did she learn my. . .oh, Dani was over talking to her.

I sashayed over to Jeremy, put my hand on his arm, set my hip on his leg, and began to whisper in his ear, "if you ever do that to me again, I will rip your balls of. After that I will feed them to you one by one. Do we understand each other? Nod and smile happily at me if you understand."

He nodded while smiling at me. . .no, he was looking down my shirt! I went sunshine through smoke and smacked him in the back of the head. After a moment to fix my hair and makeup to more reasonable colors, I made surehe was looking me in the eyes and asked him again. "You understand?"

He went green and nodded while trying to swallow a sudden lump in his throat.

I smiled sweetly at him and put my hand to the side of his face, "Good"

I figured he deserved a look for being such a good boy so I raised up my. . keister first and then the my torso. I sashayed back to me seat.

"That was fun," I said to Francine when I sat down across from her.

She was staring blankly into space. "What was fun? he's blinded me again." Dangit, and Pa said stuff like that was always better with an audience.

"Jeremy, sweetie. I include all my friends in that statement. All senses." I looked down at his pants for emphasis.

He turned a little green again, but I heard a sigh of relief from Francine.

"You are so wonderful. That was great service."

Yeah, that's. . .ok, you know what. That is a stupid joke. I'm not typing it out again.

I'd lost my muse for a moment, and I sat there absently looking at the other students. My good mood had gone out the window. I couldn't think of a thing to say that was witty, or fun. I absently ate the drab food while I sat.

and sat

and, "I'm tired of this. I'm going to go find something humorous."

"Can I come too?" Francine asked. It might have been better if she suggested I go to the infirmary. I mentally smacked myself in the face. That was bad even for me. Considering the puns I've already slipped in here that's saying something.

I'll wait while you go looking for them because you've missed them.

No, really, I'll be here when you get back.

"Can I?"

"Of course you can." Rocking hot bod like that? Hey, I may be female, but I'm not dead.

So, we stepped out of the cafeteria, looking at the deserted hallways. It was almost as if my name had suddenly been change to Truman and no one had told them that we were off script.

Yep, classical education. Thanks Pa.

So, we wandered around for a bit in the hallways.

There were no hijinks whatsoever, and no wackiness ensued.

Yeah, we had no whipped cream anyway. I think feathers might not have been that hard to come up with, but I was sure they'd be in the wrong hue.

"So. . .I have to go to my afternoon class. . ."

"And I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing."

"Well, wander around long enough and someone will right you?"

"Okay," so that's what I did. I wandered right out of the building and into the woods. I'd had it with their version of civilization anyway.

Well I'd had it right up until the point my three inch heels sunk into the dirt. "No, fair. Why can't my footwear be functional AND cute!"

I tried a pout, but I seemed to be out of practice so I turned around and wandered myself back toward the Center.

I needed to go back to wardrobe and get a pair of boots anyway.

"There you are!"

"Hey, Dani. What's next?"

"The salon."

"What?"

"The salon. We need to get you a makeover."

I gestured at my face, "Hello, chameleon chick. I do my own makeup."

"Yes, but, fingernails. . .um. . .toe. . .ok, you got me, but they still want you in there."

So, I resigned myself to being bored, and went into the salon.

They were impressed to say the least.

"We're impressed. Not many girls do their makeup before coming in to see us the first time."

"I cheated, it's my power."

They were in love. They had me changing the colors for my hair, and skin tone, and eyes, and. . .well, let's just say we closed the doors before that part.

In the end, I ended up with an alabaster complexion, titian hair, and jade green eyes. We matched makeup, eye shadow, and lip gloss for it. I memorized the look, and switched between my first one, and this one a couple of times.

"Cool. I'm a master of disguise."

"Or something," Dani said.

I giggled at this and walked out of the salon. I had gotten a mani pedi though, so I really felt pampered.

I began to strut my stuff down the hall.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Huh?"

"This way."

Ok, so I turned around, after a quick foray into the realm of burgundy, and began to strut my stuff in the right direction. Give a girl a break.

Dani just laughed at me, and I giggled right along with her.

Next, they put me in for placement testing. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do with the loops and squiggles on the pages, so I spent my time drawing pictures. They were pretty pictures too, using subtle variations in light and shadow. . .

Just kiddin'. I can read. Sure, I didn't really understand most of the questions but I answered as best I could. It was the beginning of a stretch of boredom you don't really care about.

I spent the next two days testing.

No wackiness ensued. Not even any mild hilarity. I would have even been satisfied with a bit of silliness or even 2 am over tiredness.

Nope. Two absolutely normal, event free days.

Well, except for the purple and blue panda, but I'm sure you already know about that, so I won't waste your time.

So, I was given a touch phone and a schedule and a room.

My room was sooo boring. I mean really boring. So I decided to liven it up with a little me.

I lay against the wall, naked, and decided to blend in.

I lay there for almost three hours. Man, buildup is a drag.

I was about to get up and call it a bust when I heard a knock on my door.

"Amanda, you in here?"

I took a deep breath so I could calm my nerves for someone not seeing me naked.

"Come in, Francine."

The door opened and she looked around the room. She even looked at me once or twice. I laughed silently. I think I forgot to change my teeth because she started looking at my face. Then something dawned on her and a look of horror overcame her.

"You're naked?! Oh MY G. . ."