Can Joan survive the bus ride home? Will Aunt Melissa be forced to swim back to Brisbane? Joan discovers that having friends has its downside too. (sorry about the synopsis: i was feeling quite silly this morning!)

Chapter 11

The Magic Bus

The ride home was painful. After almost an hour of waiting the bus finally arrived. There were a number of fans on their way back home. I smiled to myself as I listened to the comments they made about Sam. The general consensus was he was the best they’d ever seen. I did my best to tune it all out, but I couldn’t hide my smile.

A few jerks attempted to flirt with me, jumping in the aisle seat in rotation. For awhile I thought I was a pawn in somebody’s game. I ignored them one and all and kept my eyes focused on the sights as they passed. I was beyond grateful when the bus finally pulled into the Ocean Township Bus Terminal. I stood there waiting next to the driver to make my escape. The attempts to garner my attention had grown as we neared our final destination.

At first I’d simply been annoyed. As the "game" continued I found myself feeling a bit frightened. I’d searched the bus for allies. Everyone was wrapped up in their own lives. I got off the bus and ran. It wasn’t easy to do in the wedgies, but I managed. I could hear taunting laughter fade away as I made my escape. I was beginning to think the world was comprised solely of assholes. I stopped dead in my tracks as that thought struck home and laughed insanely. I shook my head severely as I realized that my fears had been groundless.

I lit another cigarette and strode purposefully to the boardwalk. The Ryan Inn was only a few blocks away from the bus station. I guessed that that would be an added boon to their business. It seemed to me though that the bus was the lowest form of public transportation available. I hadn’t felt that way weeks ago when Sam and I made our return from our honeymoon. I guessed it all depended on one’s mood at the time.

The beach and boardwalk were more crowded than I’d ever remembered them being. People out to get their last chance at a memorable summer vacation. I couldn’t wait till next weekend when the majority of the crowds would disappear. Sure, it would still be busy on the weekends up until the middle of October, but nothing like this. The amusement pier would close after this weekend until next year rolled around. The life guards went off duty as well with the passing of Labor Day. I couldn’t wait for it to happen.

I stopped at the only Mexican food stand on the boardwalk: "Francisco’s." I bought a couple of tacos and managed to find an empty bench on the opposite side of the boardwalk. It was positioned perfectly for staring out to sea. Fran himself had waited on me. He knew me as John, but didn’t recognize me as Joan and the difference in his attentiveness was clearly evident. I almost asked him if he knew who I was, but I wasn’t feeling very sociable and in the end I said nothing.

I was reluctant to head back home. I didn’t want to see any of them. I didn’t want to ask what Sam had said to Aunt Melissa. I knew if I saw her that I’d be compelled to ask. Not out of any sense of obligation, but because I really wanted to know. I hated myself for caring. I walked around for a bit, smiling vaguely at those enjoying themselves and finally decided to bite the bullet and head on home.

As I walked, I lit my fifth cigarette of the day. For the most part, the smoke kept people away. Smoking was no longer an acceptable thing to do. Maybe I wouldn’t quit after all? I smiled and realized that I’d never smoke around my babies. I ached for them to be here. I began wondering whether my thoughts and feelings were "normal" and vowed to ask Aunt Vivian about them at the earliest opportunity.

I arrived home just after five to an empty house. I ran across the street to see if they’d gathered at the Peters’. No one was there. I went back to our house and checked the messages on the answering machine. There were no new messages. This was what I’d wanted, wasn’t it? To come home and not encounter anyone. I insanely found myself worrying about Sam’s well being.

I ran up and took a shower in hopes that it would bring me back to a sane state. It didn’t help. We weren’t scheduled to practice till seven, but I got dressed, left yet another note, and made my way over to Darla’s. I was determined to not worry about Sam. I arrived around six thirty and Darla greeted me warmly. She asked me where I’d been all day. I told her about the game and she informed me that she wished she’d known about it. I laughed cynically thinking the only games she wanted to attend were those that had already been played.

We sat at her table eating some chips and dip when Fred finally arrived. Darla morphed into another person in his presence. She became more sure of herself and I could tell that she was simply happy. I genuinely smiled at and for my friend. We went down into the basement and before I could do anything Fred corralled me and handed me the bass. He laughed and said that he had a new song he wanted to work on. Soon he was playing his adapted version of The Fray’s "Cable Car."

The song heavily featured a piano, but Fred’s translation to guitar worked perfectly. In fact, I thought it sounded better than the original. Damn, he was good. I never felt more alive than I did when making music with Fred and Darla. We went over and over the three songs we’d decided to do for the battle of the bands next Saturday. Our session ended and I was reluctant to leave. I could tell that Darla knew I was upset, but thankfully she didn’t say anything.

In the end she invited me and Sam over for a swim party tomorrow afternoon. I’d planned on getting some work done, but reasoned I could start a bit earlier and wrap it up around one. It was after ten as I made the leisurely stroll home. If history was any indicator of future performance, I’d find Sam asleep in bed upon my return.

Thankfully, he was exactly where I expected him to be. The hero of the game hadn’t gone out drinking with his friends. I whispered a short prayer of thanks and went back downstairs. We should have been enjoying this weekend together I thought angrily. Why was I suffering from all these damned mood swings? I should have been beyond happy. He’d accomplished his goal, and now he was home in bed resting. What more could I have asked for?

I felt neglected and ignored. All the worrying done was mine for him. He didn’t seem to care what I thought or was going through. If I kept this up I was going to drive myself insane. I went into the kitchen stuck my head under the faucet and turned the water on full blast. Surprisingly, it did help to clear my head. I looked a fright though when I was finished. I didn’t care. I dried my face off with a couple of paper towels and headed back out.

I must have looked like a drowned water rat as I made my way back to the boardwalk. This was it. The last weekend of summer. I was alone and my one true love was home sleeping in bed. I quickened my pace and concentrated on each passing step in an attempt to keep my mind clear. It seemed to be working.

I felt a bit out of place wearing my sundress among the throngs of people dressed mostly in jeans and shorts. There didn’t seem to be anything I could possibly do to shake myself out of the depressed state I’d fallen into. I headed off to the arcade. It was time for a bit of skeeball. At this time of night the machines were mostly empty. I laughed as I put a quarter in the slot and the nine balls rolled down in greeting.

I was even more surprised that my picture holding the check was still posted up on the far wall just beyond the machines. Not even two months had passed since I’d won the tournament. So much of my life had changed in such a short period of time. It was overwhelming. I rolled the balls carefully up the aisle, but I couldn’t do anything with them. In the end I played three games and hadn’t broken four hundred once.

I kept hoping that someone I knew (and loved) would come up and tap me on the shoulder. It didn’t happen. Seventy five cents poorer, I made my way to the exit. If anything, the boardwalk seemed busier than it had been when I was there in late afternoon. I tried to absorb a bit of the joy expressed by those all around me. It wasn’t working. I needed to be alone. I took off my shoes and made my way for ocean’s edge.

I didn’t care about getting wet and sat a little closer to the ocean than I’d intended. I shrieked aloud as my ass quickly became soaked by an angry ocean. I kept hoping that someone would come up and tap me on the shoulder. Fred? Darla? Sam? Aunt Melissa? No one was going to come to my rescue.

I moved a bit further up the beach, to that place just before the sand turned into destructive granules. I put my hands behind my head and laid down. I stared up at the sky and attempted to make out the stars. Although it was dark this close to the ocean, the light pollution from the boardwalk just a few hundred feet away prevented me from achieving my goal. I longed for autumn when the boardwalk would be darkened and the heavens would reveal their mysteries to me.

I almost fell asleep on the beach as I laid back with my eyes closed. With some difficulty I dragged my body to an upright position and made my way back home. I silently entered our home and tiptoed up the stairs. I smiled down at Sam. He was exactly as I’d left him. I still couldn’t figure out why I was feeling as bad as I was. Everything, and I do mean everything, was going according to plan. Maybe I was just worried about going back to school? I wrapped my arm around Sam and drifted off to sleep.

Sunday morning and I really needed to talk to Sam. I had to know if he wanted to go over to Darla’s later. It was still quite early as I did my bakery routine. I carefully examined the dwindling resources in my purse. Since I’d started the job at the Inn I hadn’t been paid a dime. I didn’t even know who I was working for. I’d so wanted that job that I hadn’t really considered how costly it would be to me. The hours were starting to pile up. I reasoned that twenty dollars an hour for my time was more than fair. Including the time that Sam and Aunt Melissa had put in the labor costs alone were already well over a thousand dollars.

Would the owners balk at my fee when all was said and done? I was angry with myself for not having come up with a contract. If anybody got screwed here, it would be all my fault. Maybe I could ask my father to come up with something? It might be a way to help mend the fences that had been erected between us. I smiled as I figured that most would probably want those fences torn down. I didn’t. Good fences made for good relationships, or something like that.

I stopped off at Mom’s on the way home with the bakery goods in hand. Aunt Melissa was at the kitchen table as usual. I began to wonder if she ever made use of my bedroom? I guessed that I didn’t have a bedroom here any longer. I had no place that I could really call my own. Strange thoughts for a fourteen year old to have, perhaps, but they did bother me. I just knew that I could make all of that work out--- somehow. I’d never have to rely on anyone again for financial support if push came to shove.

"Aunt Melissa! I thought you were going to spend the weekend with Dan and Melissa?" I asked her when she became aware of my presence. She smiled up at me as I placed a large piece of cheesecake before her.

"Are you trying to fatten me up for any particular reason?" she asked and laughed. I wanted to tell her that I had no such plans, but remained silent. I figured that my silence would let her know that I was waiting for an answer to my question. She sat there and attacked the confection with a vengeance. I stood there waiting for a reply. She seemed lost to the world. Finally, she spoke again.

"Oh, Dan’s coming to pick me up around noon." I could tell that she was upset and it had nothing to do with Dan and Melissa.

Not knowing what else to say and not wanting to pry, I said "Do you want to talk about it?" It being the eight hundred pound gorilla seated across from her. She smiled up at me again and read the concern in my eyes.

"It’s just that I don’t know what I’m supposed to do now," she said with a clear sense of bewilderment in her voice. Although nothing had been said, we both knew what the main topic of this conversation was.

"Have you given any thought to just staying here with us? We really need you here," I added in an attempt to let her know that she’d be doing us a favor by staying.

"I’ve thought of little else," she replied. I ran over to her and gave her a hug and told her that I hoped she’d always be there with us. In the short time that she’d been with us, she managed to keep it all together. I didn’t want to contemplate how different things might have tuned out if she hadn’t been around to offer her guidance and support.

"Aunt Melissa, I feel in a lot of ways that I owe everything to you. Don’t look so shocked. If you hadn’t been here god knows where Mom would be at this point. Sam would have had the abortion and I’d probably be locked in a room somewhere in south Jersey."

She laughed aloud at my over dramatization of events. I told her I wasn’t kidding. "I don’t want you to feel that we couldn’t get along without you," I continued, but in fact I wasn’t so sure that we could. She hugged me tighter and kissed me on the forehead.

"I thought you were going to get some painting done today?" she asked in a feeble attempt to change the subject. I figured we’d covered enough ground this morning and followed her lead. I told her that I did indeed plan on finishing the sanding on the main stairwell this morning. She smiled at me, thanked me for the cheesecake and conversation and told me I’d better get started then.

I looked briefly out the kitchen window and saw Shandy running about playfully. She’d probably miss Aunt Melissa as much or more than any of us would. I went back across the street and ran upstairs to check on Sam. Damn, that guy could sleep. I reasoned that eleven hours (at least) had been enough and went back downstairs to prepare his tray. A slice of cheesecake and a very small amount of black coffee.

I began to wonder if Aunt Alice lived there at all. She was never anywhere to be seen. For that, I would be eternally grateful. I awoke my beloved with a kiss. He figured it was play time and attempted to pull me on top of him. "Sam, I brought you something," I whispered to him and went to retrieve the tray from the dresser. He sat up expectantly and waited for me to deliver the tray to him.

"I’d rather have you for breakfast," he said and giggled. It was rare for Sam to giggle. I found it endearing. We talked for a bit and I asked him if he wanted to go to Darla’s party later.

"Didn’t I tell you? I’ve already answered in the affirmative for both of us," he said. He’d already done what? Now he was making decisions for me? He saw the anger beginning to brew in my eyes and laughed. "Relax Joan, Darla called last night after you left and invited me. She told me that you really wanted to come. So, I told her that I couldn’t think of a better way to spend the final Sunday of summer vacation."

I grabbed the fork from his hand. Perhaps now was the perfect time to force feed him some cake? He saw the evil grin forming on my face, backed up as far as he could and sternly warned me not to dare. I gave him a look that suggested that I could if I wanted to and gently delivered the cake filled fork to his mouth. He eyed me suspiciously as he accepted my offering. We both shared a laugh.

"Sweetheart, I have to go and get a bit of work done before we head over to Darla’s. I’ll see you back here around one?" I stated in the form of a question. Sam had no problems with my plan and told me so. He finished the cheesecake and rolled over to go back to sleep. He’d left his coffee untouched. I asked him about it and he told me it wasn’t any good for the twins. My heart melted.

I’d been spending so much time at the Inn lately that it began to feel like home. I could hear the laughter of the passersby while I worked. I still had no idea how much they were going to pay me for this job, but I did know one thing: I was going to miss it when it was completed.

I had the fine sanding finished just after one. Tomorrow I’d be back to coat everything with a light walnut stain. It would complement the cream color that Aunt Mel had selected for the walls perfectly. As I made my way home I had a sense of foreboding about Darla’s party. Not sure why that was. Sam was right. It was the perfect way to spend the last Sunday of summer vacation.

I put a smile on my face and made the short walk home. I figured maybe my mind could take a hint. I’m smiling --- I’m happy. I got back home and Sam was reading his book again. Watching him do that brought a genuine smile to my face. He told me I was late. I made no apologies and told him I needed a shower before we headed out. I ran upstairs and turned on the water waiting for it to warm up before I jumped in.

I wasn’t going to be caught unprepared at Darla’s this time. I put on my red bathing suit under my denim skort outfit. Sam told me that since he couldn’t go swimming that I couldn’t either. I laughed at his comment as if he’d made a joke, he didn’t join me.

"I’m getting kinda hungry, Joan. Maybe we should eat before we head over there?" he said seriously. I assured him that Darla, being the perfect hostess would have plenty of food for her guests to eat. Her guests: I hadn’t even thought about that. Who all would be coming to this party? Would Sam, Darla, and Fred be the only people I knew there? Maybe that would be for the best.

Sam and I walked leisurely over to Darla’s. The goddess of weather had cooperated making this one of the best weekends (weather wise) that I could remember.

"Are you ready for school on Tuesday?" he asked me and stared at me intently waiting for my response.

"Sam, I’m not only NOT ready for school on Tuesday, I’m not ready to talk about it." He laughed at that and let it go. I’m not sure whether or not he knew I wasn’t kidding. In minutes we were standing outside her front door and ringing the doorbell. I guess we could have just walked right in, but that didn’t seem right somehow. Aunt Vivian greeted us at the front door. I was beyond happy to see her. I was also a bit embarrassed. I hadn’t made an appointment to speak with her in more than a few weeks now.

She seemed not to notice. She smiled warmly at both of us and hugged us in turn. "The kids are all out by the pool" she said as she strolled back into the kitchen. Was I ready for this? Was it too late to turn around and go home? Why was I suddenly so afraid? Sam showed no hesitation as he pulled me along towards the backyard. I almost started pulling back on him as he tugged me forward. Had it not been for the twins, I’d have yanked myself free and made a beeline for the front door.

There were about fifty kids traipsing about in the backyard. Half in, half out of the pool. Fred had all his DJ equipment set up and was entertaining the neighborhood. There were so many people there. A few I recognized from school, but many whom I’d never seen before. Where did Darla know all these people from? Some of the guys seemed a bit older. I guessed they were friends of Fred’s

Darla’s dad was manning the grill, and Sam quickly let go of my hand and like a blood hound, ran off in the direction of the scent. I smiled warmly at his countenance as he strolled away. Fortunately, there were no alcoholic beverages in evidence. I walked tentatively about, trying to put names with faces. The Raspberrys clearly traveled in different circles. I’d been there ten minutes and I’d yet to come across our hostess. Then I spied her off in the corner. She was talking with Sarah. Sarah--- that brought back fond memories.

What really made my stomach lurch was Billy standing next to her with his arm wrapped around her possessively. I’d envisioned this before in my mind in some kind of freakish fantasy. Before I even realized what I was doing, I found myself running towards Sam. He was standing there with a half pound burger in his hand chatting about baseball with Dr. Raspberry.

Just seeing him there, chatting amiably with the Doctor calmed me down. "Joan, do you want a burger?" he asked me as I approached.

"Joan! How’s the world treating you?" Dr. Raspberry asked. I studied his face carefully before replying. I couldn’t decide whether he was taunting me or whether his off the cuff question was simply small talk The things people say when they couldn’t care one way or the other. Of course, there was also the chance that he was being sincere, but I didn’t buy that one for a moment.

"I’m fine Dr. Raspberry," I told him succinctly. . He accepted my comment as fact. In fact, I realized he didn’t really care. He was just making small talk. I took the small burger he offered me, looked deep into Sam’s eyes, and ushered him away. The good Doctor was there in body only. His mind was clearly elsewhere.

Sam and I grabbed one of the benches on the side of the pool. Now that he was finished with his conversation he began seriously attacking his hamburger. I’d yet to bite into my own when he finished and began staring at me hungrily. I smiled at him and in an attempt to appease, I stuck my own burger in front of his face. It disappeared right before my eyes.

He smiled at me and I smiled right back at him as he took the last bite from my extended finger tips. I was starving, but not hungry enough to go back and stand in line waiting for Darla’s father to hand me another hamburger.

What was I going to do now? I really didn’t want to be here. I stared longingly at the patio doors leading into the family room and my escape. Just as I was about to act on my thoughts Sam shouted out: "Hey look! There’s Billy!"

He dragged me off as if I were a rag doll in their direction. I bit my lower lip and followed his lead cooperatively. I could do this. Billy actually stood there with a huge smile on his face. I couldn’t believe it. Had he forgotten how close he’d been to death just a little over a week ago? Sarah joined in with them as if they were making the most fascinating conversation in the world. Without saying a word I extricated myself from Sam’s grip on my hand and slowly drifted away.

I headed for the sliding glass doors. This all seemed a bit too fake and phony for my tastes. I’d almost made my escape when Aunt Viv’s voice called out to me. "Joan! Come here for a minute, will you?" She was now working the grill. Apparently Dr. Raspberry had made his successful escape. I walked warily in her direction.

"Joan, could you do me a favor? My husband got called away to the hospital on some kind of emergency. I don’t know where Darla is at the moment, and Fred’s too busy or I’d ask him. Do you think you could watch the grill for awhile?" How could I possibly say no? After all she’d done for me. I simply smiled at her and nodded my assent. I knew one person at least who was in need of nourishment…