I know I'm a little late, but I wanted to offer a little something from my experiences dealing with my mom on these issues. I won't get into it all here (I wrote about a lot of it in my blog entries over the last two years, including the breakthrough moment a couple of months ago).

What I've realized though, is that sometimes parents do stupid things because in their irrational logic, they believe they're helping, and sometimes it's a reaction out of fear. In my case, my mom was (and I think still is) scared of what, exactly, all this means for me. I've had a rough life medically speaking, and this just adds another log to the fire.

It's possible she told you that because she thinks that it'll "snap you out of it", or that she just reacted out of fear. One of the things my mom has said to me that sticks out most in my mind was, "I know I gave birth to a baby boy; it says so on your birth certificate!" So part of it for her is/was not understanding what it means to be TG.

I like to think everyone has the potential to change and grow. The last time I talked to my mom about this, she said something that I never dreamed in a million years she would say.

She told me that when she was getting her teaching degree a few years ago, she saw something in her Biology book about new chromosomal research suggesting that things like gender and sexual preference might be genetic after all.

To hear her, of all people, admit that the closed-minded bigotry I've grown up listening to from my otherwise well-meaning family (I don't think they're bad people at all; I just think they were taught some terrible things), really felt like a massive weight off my shoulders.

Hang in there.

On the thoughts of suicide, for what it's worth, I can empathize. I've had many dark nights where I wished and prayed to God that I could end the pain. The one and only thing that's kept me from going through with it all these years, is the suffering I went through when my childhood friend decided to take her own life. For her, the pain ended, but she gave those of us that loved her so much more. It took me years to come to terms with her death. I could never intentionally and willingly do that to others, no matter my own suffering.

It forced me to find other ways to deal with my depression. One of those is writing, and another is trying to come to terms with who I am. Exercise has, more recently, become a very big part of dealing with that too. One of my perspective therapists advised me that, before I consider psychotherapy, I try to find a support group and start a regular exercise regimen first. I have a pseudo-support group here, and I'm still searching for one offline as well, but I'll pass that same advice along too.

If you can find a support group in your area that you know you can trust, that's the best thing you can do for yourself.

I wish you good luck and Godspeed. Remember that you're never alone.

~Zoe