Chapter 16

A new life begins

Rachel laid in the tub, luxuriating in the warmth and the aroma of the lavender. The pain from the burns and the bruises on her wrists from the cuffs began to fade. She thought about the events of the last few weeks, how she had gone on a journey of self discovery that she had no intention of ever starting. She had always felt different, somehow strangled in the life she had been forced to live. The envy she had felt toward her friends, Becca and Angela. The desire that she could never quite put into words.

She was truly happy now, a happiness that wasn’t based on what people thought of her. It was a happiness based on her contentment with herself. It was a lesson that, had her parents taken a different course with her upbringing that she would never have had to face. But that was all water under the bridge now. She was Rachel Diane Harris, a twelve, nearly thirteen year old girl. A girl. Whoever didn’t like that could, in the words of her brother, pound sand. She had friends, friends that knew her and liked her for who and what she was.

What about the others? The ones who called her a freak, a she male, an abomination. They could sting her with their words, but they couldn’t change who she was. She loved being a girl. She liked wearing dresses, skirts, pretty tops and pretty underwear. She loved doing her nails, putting on makeup, and cooking. These things were natural to her. As time went on, she would grow her hair as long as it would grow, no matter what anyone else thought. Brianna went through what she was going through. She knew.

What about relationships? Right now, the thought of any boy touching her made her skin crawl. She hated the thought of any male getting anywhere close to her. That made her sad, because she didn’t want to hate anyone. It just wasn’t in her nature. What about girls? Did she like girls? She loved Becca and Angela and the other girls in the group, but not like, in that way. Or did she? She would have to think about that some more.

She resolved to learn to protect herself. She wasn’t very strong like Garrett, but she wanted to know how to keep herself safe. It was the only way she could walk outside again. Maybe Jim could help with that. Rachel vowed then and there that she would not be a victim again if she could help it. She would talk to Julie on Friday at their session. She was safe here for now, and she could live with that.

Rachel felt the water growing colder, she ducked her head under and washed her face. She stepped out of the tub and dried herself off. A thick white robe was there for her, as were a pair of warm slippers. She wrapped her hair in a turban and went out into her room.

“Mommmm?” cried Rachel in the now familiar tone that let Gina know her daughter was in some kind of crisis. “I need some clothes!”

“Come over to my room, sweetie” called Gina. “I have some things for you”

Rachel did her best impression of the Flash as she ran over to her mother’s room to see the new clothes. “Coool, Mom! These are for me?”

“Yes, dear. They should all fit. Travis had a person pick them out for you and they delivered the clothes here”

“Oh, wow, Mom. That is like, so awesome. I feel like a Princess!”

“Yeah, well don’t get used to it, your majesty. In a few days, the clock strikes midnight” cautioned Gina.

“I know, but I can enjoy the feeling while it lasts, can’t I?” she chuckled.

“Oh, and there’s a couple of items you might be interested in” said Gina

“What are they, Mom?”

“Close your eyes”

Rachel closed them in anticipation, with a huge, toothy smile.

“Open them”

Rachel squealed in delight as her mother showed her two bathing suits. One was a rainbow dyed halter top bikini with a cute modest bottom. The bra was padded a bit to give her a little shape on top, and the other suit was an aqua tankini with a moderate bottom. “I LOVE them, Mom! They are sooo cute! Can I try them on?”
”¨“Of course, Rachel”

Rachel dropped her robe and grabbed the bikini. Her mother was shocked, because Rachel had never wanted to get undressed in front of anyone before, including her mother. She put the bottoms on, though when it came to the top, she had to get her mother’s help. “What do you think Mom? Isn’t it just the cutest thing you’ve ever seen?”

“You don’t feel undressed in it? It does show a lot of skin”

“No, not really. It doesn’t look bad on me, does it?”

Gina looked at her daughter. She didn’t have a lot up top, but her bottom was filling out. she was developing a nice hourglass shape, and the bikini looked good on her. Maybe too good. “Well, it does look very good on you. That is, if you don’t care about boys looking at this really cute girl standing in front of me”

“Gross, Mom! I don’t care if they all look. They aren’t getting anywhere with me”

“That’s the attitude, girl” said Brianna, who was standing at the door, clapping. “Sorry about sneaking in, Gina, but I wanted to see what my personal shopper could do with Cinderella here”

“Hi, Brianna” said Rachel as she ran over to hug her “Thank you so much for the clothes! I absolutely love everything”

“It was a pleasure, Rachel. Hugs like that one were worth every penny. Let me look at you. Give me a twirl!”

Rachel spun around with glee, giggling the whole time.

“Goodness, girl, you have got one terrific rear end” said Bree with a smile.

Squealing, Rachel blushed crimson and said, “Stop it, Brianna! I do not! Gosh!”

“Yes you do, Rachel, a boy stopping genuine girl butt. It’s cute”

Gina was laughing at Rachel’s predicament. She wasn’t used to comments about her body, and didn’t know how to react.

“I do not! Quit it” Rachel was grinning from ear to ear. “I’ll take this off right now! I don’t want gross boys looking at me”

“Too late, chick. That ship has sailed. If you don’t want boys looking at you, you’d better get a box to swim in. Otherwise, get used to it, because most male eyes will be glued to your posterior”

“I’m only twelve, Bree! They can’t look at me!”

“Okay, Rach, If you say so. But it’s not so bad. Believe me. My butt is cute too”

The rest of the evening was spent with Rachel trying on the new clothes. There were jeans, skirts, blouses and dresses. A whole new wardrobe.

Rachel had changed into her new cotton pajamas, and was sitting cross legged on her mom’s bed with Bree and her mother, enjoying some girl time.

“Mom, you were right about the bath, it was awesome! I thought about so much”

“Did you come to any conclusions?” asked Gina.

“Kind of. I know I’m happier now even with everything that’s happened to me than I’ve ever been in my life. I love who I am. I don’t love what some people say about me, but I’m not going to change who I am for anyone”

Gina hugged Rachel. “I’m so proud of you, Rachel. That’s a very grown up attitude”

“Yes it is” added Bree. “I know many girls who can’t say that even though they are ten years older than you. And you got this just from taking a bath?”

“Sort of, Bree. I just needed some quiet time. I still don’t know how I feel about boys. I can’t stand the thought of them looking at me. I almost get sick at the prospect of dating one. I even thought about girls, and if I liked them instead of boys. I am still confused about that. Can you understand that?”

Nodding in agreement, Gina said “I do understand, Rachel, but I also know that you have a lot of time to make that choice, and I won’t think one bit different of you no matter what choice you make. These are grown up choices, and there’s no reason to rush things. Enjoy your life as it is now, and worry about tomorrow then”

“I know, mom. I plan on talking to Julie about this on Friday”

“I think that’s a good plan, Rachel” said Bree. “Julie is a good person to talk to about these things, and your mother is here to help you with those decisions too. If you want to ask me anything, I’m here for you as well”

Rachel yawned. “Mom, I’m really tired. You don’t mind if I go to bed now do you?”

“No, honey, It is eleven o’clock, you know”

“Can you sleep with me? I’m worried I may have another nightmare”

“Of course, honey. Let’s get ready together”

“I’ll see you in the morning, you two” said Bree. She left the room and went downstairs.

As they were getting ready for bed, Rachel asked “Mom, what happened to Garrett?”

“He got hurt a little bit keeping some of those bad men away from you. Gia told me he took care of three of them by himself, and he would have gotten four if he hadn’t gotten hurt”

Tears formed in Rachel’s eyes “Will he be able to keep playing football? I would hate it if he missed that because of me. He loves it so much”

“He is hurt too much too play for the rest of the season, and he told me to tell you that you are more important to him than any football games. He has a broken arm and a concussion, and the doctor doesn’t want him to play anymore this year to make sure he doesn’t get hurt any worse”

“Does he hate me?” said Rachel quietly.

“Heavens no, child! He was just sorry he couldn’t have gotten them all. He actually said that he had more fun than a dozen football games. Gia said he handled himself better than anyone she had ever seen that wasn’t a trained soldier. His only concern was for you.”
“Really? He doesn’t hate me?”

“Sweetie, you are more important to us than anything. Garrett likes football. He loves you. He knows you are going through a rough patch, and he wants to be there for you. He’s coming here tomorrow for the rest of the week, and you can ask him yourself”

“That’s awesome, Mom. I miss him already!”

Rachel and Gina went to bed. Rachel had no nightmares.

Rachel got up at seven thirty that morning. She got out of bed quietly, went to the bathroom, and quietly changed into her bikini and wrapped herself into a towel. She was just about out of the room when her mother whispered. “Don’t let anyone look at your butt, cutie”

“Mom! Don’t be gross!” She whispered back with a smile.

Rachel went down to the indoor pool. It was as big as the one outside. She placed her towel on a lounge chair and got ready to jump in. She saw a mirror to the side of the room, and couldn’t resist. She went over to it, did a half turn and looked at her bottom. She smiled. It WAS cute!

Rachel swam laps and did some diving. She quickly found out that bikini bottoms didn’t stay on as well as the trunks she used to wear. After one particularly nice dive, her bottoms ended up around her ankles. She was mortified, and quickly pulled them back up, thankful that no one else was in the pool. She decided to stick with jumping in feet first for the time being.

Bree came along about 15 minutes after Rachel got in. She was dressed in a string bikini that showed her long, lean body off. Rachel was a little jealous. She hoped she would be that beautiful when she grew up.

“Do you mind if I join you, girl?” She asked.

“Oh, no! I’m glad you’re here. It’s boring swimming alone”

“Great! I love swimming. That’s why I have two pools. One for the winter, one for the summer. I even have a tanning bed for this time of year”

“Cool! I could use a little color. I still have a tee shirt tan. And you can still see where my swim trunks were. I have a boy tan” she pouted.

“Well! We’ll just have to fix that. I’ll bet you want a nice tan with tan lines and everything”

“Yes, for now” then she grinned “Then we can work on no tan lines”

“You are terrible, girl!” laughed Bree. “I didn’t get those until I was seventeen!”

Rachel and Bree swam, talked and giggled like two long lost sisters. Rachel told Bree about her adventure with the diving board and the loss of her bottoms.

Giggling, Bree said “I learned that too, after my surgery. I didn’t wear a bikini until then. I was swimming at a friend’s pool party and dove in wearing a little number not much more than this. I dove in, and poof! No bottoms at all. One of the male party goers got them and I spent the next ten minutes begging for my bottoms. There were people diving around me trying to get a peek. I was curled up in a little ball under water, trying to protect myself. I was sooo angry with those jerks, but the other girls surrounded me and started to get very protective of me. The boys who had dates got the message that they had better get me my bottoms if they ever wanted to have another date”

“Oh my gosh! That was terrible! I’ll bet you were embarrassed”

“I was. But there was a realization there, too. It was the first time I was treated as just one of the girls by the boys and not an it. None of the boys at the party knew who I was before. In fact, one of the other girls lost her top, and she didn’t get it back until she got out of the pool and climbed a ladder to get it. I wasn’t treated any different from any of the other girls. So, yes, it was embarrassing, but I still have good memories about it”
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“I’ll keep my top and bottoms on, if it’s all the same to you, Bree. I would have died if that had been me”

“There are some things you will learn as a girl, Rach. One of those things is that boys are pigs sometimes, and sometimes they are wonderful. You can’t judge the whole gender by a few idiots. The same goes for women. there are a lot of pigs out there too who can be just as terrible as men, and sometimes worse”

“I can believe that, Bree. It’s all so confusing right now”

“Get to know yourself first. Then you can move on to other people. You will be a very attractive woman someday, Rachel. I can see it. You will have advantages that other girls won’t have. You will also have obstacles that other girls won’t have. I know. I deal with stares every day from creeps that make me feel filthy. I also deal with people who treat me with respect and kindness, sometimes because I am attractive, and sometimes because they just know the right way to treat other people”

“I just don’t understand that right now, Bree. It’s frightening”

“I understand that, Rachel, I really do. As you get to know yourself, other people’s reactions to you won’t matter so much. Don’t worry about it now. Just be yourself”

“I will, Bree. That’s all I can handle right now”

Suddenly, the conversation was interrupted by a booming voice “I’m not interrupting you two mermaids, am I?”

The two girls screeched. “Jim! Don’t you ever knock?” yelled Bree.

“Knock on what? I wasn’t listening, If that’s what you’re concerned about. Anything you two are talking about would probably bore me to tears, or embarrass me to death”

He jumped into the deep end, causing a splash that almost hit the ceiling”

“Men!” huffed Bree. “Let’s get out of here, Ariel, and let the Neanderthal have his swim”

Giggling, Rachel answered, “Okay, Ursula, let’s go”

“HEY, you little twerp, That just earned you a dunk!”

Rachel screamed with delight as Bree came after her.

“Jim, this little ‘mermaid’ just insulted me! Grab her!”

Jim reached out and caught Rachel by the arm. “Time for a ride, mermaid!” He then catapulted her up by her rear end eight feet in the air.

Rachel screamed with laughter as she was launched up into the air and landed awkwardly back into the pool. Jim went back after her and did it again, to even more laughter.

In the back of the room, unnoticed, was Gina. She saw a young girl playing with someone the way she should have been playing with her dad. A tear slid down her cheek as she mourned for what Randy had missed. She saw something in that big, gentle man. Something she hadn’t seen before. She ached for someone like him in her life again. But what would he see in her? She was a thirty something, fat, pregnant widow with a needy daughter and an independent son. Who could ever find her attractive. The tears came unbidden as she turned away from the screaming, happy child and her bodyguard.